3 insanely great ways to thank your customers + clients

11.25.14GiveThanks (blog)

Thank you.

Thank you for reading this blog, being a part of this community and creating something wonderful in the world with your business, art or cause.

It’s Thanksgiving week here in the U.S. and it’s time to be thankful. We should, of course, be thankful for our fans every day of the year but it never hurts to take a special day out to show your gratitude.

How can you thank them? Well, we covered some ideas in a past post.

And today, here are 3 more insanely great ways to thank your customers. (Tweet this)

  1. Give on their behalf: Every year, instead of useless gifts that will just see the inside of a trash can, I send my clients an email with information on 3-5 charities near and dear to my heart and let them choose which one they’d like me to donate to on their behalf. They feel good, I feel good, the charity wins – and no fruitcake goes to waste.
  2. Invent some whimsy: Every year, my writing partner Sarah Von Bargen partners with another colleague to produce a super fun calendar. Last year’s calendar showcased cats “acting out “ scenes from classic literature. It’s hilarious, thoughtful and showcases her wit and killer writing style (which is her bread and butter)
  3. Write a love note: When was the last time you got a handwritten note? Yeah, I thought so. If your client or customer list is manageable enough, why not send them a thoughtful handwritten card about what you love about working with them? It’s a good excuse to buy some pretty stationery. Not sure what to say? This will help.

Photo Credit: Nate Grigg via Flickr

3 Foolproof Networking Tips to Survive the Holidays

11.3 networking tips (blog)

Trick or treaters, pumpkin spice lattes and chilly weather usually signify one thing (the chilly weather part for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere anyway): the holidays are right around the corner.

And with that…the dreaded holiday networking mixer circuit.

While you know you should be doing more networking to boost your brand awareness and grow your business, it’s sort of like knowing you SHOULD be having more kale smoothies – but the thought makes you want to vomit.

But no need to dread, my friend. Here to share 3 tips to survive the holiday networking chaos is my friend and frequent Red Slice collaborator (some of you have read her guest posts here before), networking expert and author Sandy Jones-Kaminski of Bella Domain Media.

Holiday networking is not all eggnog, idle chit chat and cheesy sweaters. It CAN benefit your brand, too (Tweet this!)

  1. Don’t take networking too seriously. It can and should be fun. Connect with the intention of helping others rather than simply expecting to find the elusive perfect client or biz partner. Relax, take the pressure off yourself and focus on what you can bring to the party or offer in the form of ideas, knowledge or resources (websites, apps, connections, etc).
  2. Improve your outlook and your fortune will change. If you have a negative outlook on networking, you’re probably sabotaging your chances at connecting with the “right” people. Put all the negative or disappointing encounters behind you and focus on “what’s possible.”
  3. Take a proactive approach and get off the couch or out from behind your screen and get out there! You eventually have to meet people to know if you’ll really connect with them, and the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find the “right” people for you or your business.

 

 

What sanity-saving tips do you have for surviving the holiday networking season? Please share your thoughts below so we can all breathe easier!

Image credit USACE Europe via Flickr

Good touching, bad touching

Today’s guest post is from the irrepressible Elizabeth Case, a favorite marketing colleague and friend of mine and Principal at Yellow Dog Consulting, a sales and marketing firm in Issaquah, WA. She’s hilarious, knows marketing and loves dogs –  all reasons why I adore her. Follow her on Twitter.

I had two client meetings the other day and BOTH mentioned “it takes 7 touches for someone to buy.” So I had a couple of great discussions about touch points with prospective clients – good touching and bad touching.

Remember, not all marketing touches are equal. Are you guilty of good or bad marketing touching? (Tweet this!)

Good Touches:

  • Your Newsletter: it pops into their inbox monthly (hopefully not much more than that) and reminds them that you know what you’re talking about without nagging them to hire you (hopefully!)
  • Social Media: Follow them/friend them/Link In with them and pay attention to what they’re saying. Don’t be creepy and like EVERYTHING they post, but keep an eye on them, and hopefully they do the same with you
  • Email follow-up: if you met them at an event or workshop and you said you’d send them something, DO IT. Always follow up. “great to see you yesterday at the luncheon,” “here’s the link to that doggy daycare I mentioned,” it doesn’t have to be about work, and often times that’s better – be a resource to them, a.k.a, their new go-to person.
  • Networking: Get out to the networking events where your clients and target market are gathering. Just the reminder that you’re alive and kicking is good for a lot of people. I need to see your face to be reminded you’re around. When I don’t see you, I can make assumptions you’re too busy for new clients. When you’re out and about, it’s good to know you may have time for new clients.

Bad Touches:

  • Phone Calls after business hours: We all know this is my biggest pet peeve. If you’re having a busy day and need to call them, leave a voicemail! And I always suggest sending a follow up note. They may prefer one to the other, and you need to figure that out. I have many an un-returned phone call because I can’t call back when I hear the voicemail, but didn’t get an email reminder to say “hey call me friday at 2.” Their loss.
  • Sales pitch emails: “Hey you should hire me, hey I’m really good at what I do, hey buy this.” No one likes that, you don’t like that, so don’t do it.
  • Creepy Social Media: Don’t like EVERY POST or comment on everything, but if it genuinely is of interest to you, like it. Can’t wait to see how many of you now freak out on whether to comment on this post or are afraid I’ll think you’re creepy (I won’t this time!).
  • The obvious sales pitch “coffee meeting:” Let’s be honest, you don’t want to learn about my business, you want to sell me on yours. Watch yourself when you call for the coffee meeting. That’s a BIG ask to leave your office- offer to be convenient to them if you want the business. I live in Issaquah about 15 miles east of Seattle. I don’t expect people to schlep out to the suburbs for me. So, I’m in Seattle a couple days a week and schedule all my meetings together. Make it convenient for THEM, not you.

Photo credit: Licked Lens Photography

Thanks Elizabeth! What “Good Touching” has worked for you? And what “Bad Touching” have you seen (or done in the past) that didn’t work or soured you to a person?

5 un-ignorable reasons why your business needs a blog

A blog is an essential marketing tool for many, many reasons beyond brand building and SEO. (PS: if you are at a loss as to what to blog about or just hate writing, you can find other ways to deliver your valuable content: hire a writer, record a podcast, post photos, craft a Haiku…) Today, my writing partner in crime, Sarah Von Bargen, writer + business consultant and creator of YesandYes.org (a super successful daily lifestyle blog with hundreds of thousands of daily readers) shares her rockstar content marketing advice on why you definitely need to jump start your blog plans.  Enjoy!

Everyone and their sister has told you that you need a blog/twitter/facebook/instagram/everything ever for your business. And while it is, in fact, possible to be a successful business or entrepreneur without those, it sure is nice to have thousands of potential customers and clients interacting with you online, enjoying your cat photos and clever status updates, no?

Need a bit more convincing?  Here are five nearly un-ignorable reasons why you should blog for your business. A blog can be fun and lo, the benefits are huge: (Tweet & share!)

1)  You can establish yourself as an expert
True story time: I once spent a summer writing for a leading women’s magazine.  When we needed experts to weigh in on a topic?  We’d literally Google “relationship expert [city name]” or “interior designers [city name].”  And then we’d paw through their online lives and if they were active online and could string a few grammatically correct sentences together, we’d email them and request a pull quote on our topic. National press coverage = achieved.  Wouldn’t you like to get some national press coverage?

2) Up Your SEO
Search Engine Optimization (how your site and business ranks in search engines) need not be be the stuff of headaches.  When you write about your area of expertise (and when people link to your posts) you move up the search rankings.  If you just have a static website for your graphic design business in New York, you’ll be buried deep on page 23.  But if you’ve got 25 blog posts about the ins and outs of the graphic design world, you’re much more likely to be closer to the top of the pile. It makes sense, right? The more searchable content there is about you and your business, the more people are going to find you. And then buy your awesome jewelry/services/hand-knitted cat sweaters.

3)  Make new connections
Is it painfully hippie dippie to say that blogging for your business shouldn’t just be about making money and finding new customers?  You can also connect with professional peers, mentors and mentees, companies that can provide you with make-your-life-easier products, vendors and  heaps of new friends.  When you interview people for your blog, interact with people on twitter, link to other bloggers, and host guest posts you’re strengthening your professional network and, really, you’re just being nice.  Which is sort of more important.

4) Create buzz for new products and services
Launching a new line of jewelry?  Spend the month before you launch writing about the process, your inspiration, the resources you used, and posting teaser photos or videos.  Send out promotional samples to bloggers you think would enjoy them.  Easy peasy!

5) Connect with new clients and customers (Dur.)
Well, obviously.  OBVIOUSLY.  When people like your product or brand (or you) they want to know more about it.  And someone who’s reading your blog is about a million times more likely to buy your new products, purchase something on sale, spread the word about your work, and become a repeat buyer.  When you create great, google-able content (“How to wear layers under a dress” for a fashion label or “What to pack for Hawaii” for a travel agency) people who don’t know about you and your products will find you.  And if you’re lucky, they’ll stay around for awhile browsing all your great content.  And then buy something.

Does your business have a blog?  What good things have happened to you because of your blog? Tweet me @redslice and let me know!

 Graphic credit: YesandYes.org. Social media buttons by twenty three oh one

Bring it on: Why you need to ask for criticism

A guest post today from the lovely Betsy and Warren Talbot, writers, dreamers and global nomads of Married With Luggage (a business I proudly helped name). With the launch of their latest book, they shared some great advice on why and how to ask for constructive criticism and how it makes your business, brand and project shine in the long run. More on them at the end. Enjoy!

My husband Warren and I recently published our fourth book, Married with Luggage: What We Learned about Love by Traveling the World. Over the years we’ve learned a lot about what works – and what doesn’t – as both business and romantic partners. And one thing we know for sure:

If you can’t take constructive criticism, you won’t ever grow to your highest potential. (Tweet this!)

If we don’t pay attention to how our audience wants to receive our story, how to make it compelling and relatable to their own relationships, and using words that matter to them, then all of our experience and wisdom aren’t worth a penny of the $15.99 price tag of the book, because no one will buy it.

We asked trusted advisors, our own audience, and random strangers within our demographic to help us get this one right, and with their constructive feedback, I think we nailed it.

How We Solicited Feedback

Before we ever wrote one word, we talked about our idea with mentors and peers we trust. The feedback sent us in a direction we hadn’t considered before (memoir vs. self-help). We also dropped the idea of making this a course first. Smart friends counseled us to use the book’s popularity to create higher-priced courses later. Already, our project was off to a great start and we saved a ton of time.

If you’ve done the work of building a great network, don’t forget to use it. (Tweet this!)

The next component tested was the title. We came up with 20 variations of titles and subtitles, swapping them around until we had 5 good choices. Then we sent it out to three sets of people: casual followers on Facebook, serious followers on our email list, and total strangers in our demographic through a site called Pickfu.

The title we ended up with is not the title we would have chosen ourselves. We also discovered several words we were using that were off-putting to our market. Imagine if we had used those words out of ignorance and then wondered why no one ever bought the book?

For the book cover, we put three very different cover ideas out for a vote via email list, Facebook, and Pickfu. Again, the cover we would have chosen was not the one overwhelmingly picked by others. In fact, our favorite came in dead last.

After writing the first draft, we sent it to a professional editor for restructuring. We were too close to the project to see the gaps and overlaps, so we trusted someone else to show us the way. We then created the second draft based on this feedback.

Then the scariest part: sharing it for review. First I read the book out loud to my husband, awaiting his response to the story we scripted out months ago. Did he like it? Not always, and that was sometimes hard to take as a wife. But his feedback was invaluable in tightening up the storyline and highlighting our message of partnership.

Five people were sent second draft copies to provide detailed feedback. These five people are my trusted sources, the people who will tell me when something is not good. And boy, did they.

Finally, the book went back for professional line editing, a polish that I couldn’t do on my own. Packaging is as important as the message within, because if a reader can’t get past a crappy cover or terrible editing, they’ll never get your message.

How Feedback Helps

When I look at the finished product, I can only marvel. It is so much more than we imagined, a book that shares our experience and wisdom in a way our audience wants to hear it. And we could have never done that without asking for feedback up front and listening to what our audience needed.

We separated our egos from our work product, and the result was was a healthier self-esteem and a better product.

ABOUT BETSY AND WARREN:  Betsy Talbot and her husband Warren are the authors of Married with Luggage: What We Learned about Love by Traveling the World. Through their popular books, engaging weekly podcast, and revealing Sunday emails, they share the unconventional wisdom they’ve learned about living, working, and traveling together since 2010. Find out more about modern love and partnership at Married with Luggage. (Photo credit: Married With Luggage)

Are you asking for constructive criticism in your business? How? Where? From whom? When did such feedback save you from a major fail? Please share in the Comments below!

Are you a solopreneur? 3 perks and 3 downsides you can easily combat

Going solo in your business is either a launch strategy or a deliberate business model choice. Sometimes you are just getting off the ground and you’re a party of One, doing everything from accounting to marketing to product development. Other times, though, you are intentionally creating a lifestyle business and don’t want extra complication from staff, tax requirements or overhead.

I’ve deliberately chosen a “solopreneur” model for my business and have no plans to build an agency. I like being in control, not managing people and being able to handle the ebbs and flows that writing and consulting bring. Plus, I find it’s easy to keep overhead low and ramp up or pare down by partnering with others as needed.

Being a solopreneur both rocks and sucks – but you can combat the latter (Tweet this!). Perhaps you can relate?

Three perks to being a solopreneur business:

  • Control: You maintain control over all business and marketing decisions. There are no politics to deal with or egos to soothe. After my long stint in corporate America, this is a godsend for my stress level.
  • Creativity: You can get crazy creative on marketing ideas, promotional pushes and even which projects you take on.
  • Speed: When you make a decision, you’re done and off to the races. No internal selling, pleading or persuasion required. I have decided on marketing efforts in the morning and implemented them by that afternoon, easy peasy. I can take advantage of last-minute opportunities and react fast.

OK, couldn’t resist a 4th bonus perk:

  • Selectivity: You can work with who you like, when you like. And if it doesn’t work out, you never have to sub-contract that person or continue with that client or customer ever again if you don’t want to.

With upside, comes downside, though.

Three challenges of being a solopreneur – and steps you can take to alleviate the pain:

  • Lack of collaboration: If you’re extroverted like me, one of the joys of working on a team is a meeting where you’re all hashing out ideas on a whiteboard. You can get out of your own head and vet ideas with other smart people. Working solo, you miss out on that sanity check from others and potentially limit your thinking, creativity or perspective. Those voices in your head may be leading you astray and you might never know it.

COMBAT THIS! Pull together your own makeshift Board of Directors or accountability group of other solopreneurs. Choose people you respect but who also come at things from a different point of view. I collaborate with a few key partners and often ask to bounce ideas off of them or seek their advice when making a major decision. Another colleague of mine often will email a close group of trusted partners to get a consensus or conversation going when she needs to make a quick decision. Your collaborative team won’t be handed to you when you work alone, spout one together yourself – and offer to play that role for others if they need it.

  • Loneliness: If you’re an extrovert like me, this is kind of related to the one above, but it’s more than that. I miss shared office moments, blowing off steam with others, lunch dates, heck even water cooler gossip. I even go in to my husband’s office or a coffee shop every now and then to work just to be around other people. Talking to the dog only gets me so far, and even gets bored with my running commentary and retreats to the other room every now and then.

COMBAT THIS! Get social on your own. Make time for coffee dates to form relationships with other freelancer colleagues. Join local groups and associations. Participate in online forums. Attend conferences. Force yourself out of your office at least 2-3 times per week just to be social. Or arrange phone  or Skype meetings with other solopreneurs where you can each just unwind for 30 minutes, laugh, share, vent and support each other.

  • Lack of resources: It’s all you, baby! You are chief cook, bottle washer and accountant. If you don’t do it, it won’t get done. Your  to-do list is never complete and there are always way more ideas than hours in the day or mental energy that you can expend. It can be hard to unplug when you are all you’ve got. And this can lead to stress, headaches, poor health and damaged relationships.

COMBAT THIS: Ask for help. You are not supposed to be an expert at everything. Why do you think companies and org charts exist? If you are not technical, outsource your website maintenance and design. If you hate writing, hire a part-time writer to put together your materials or blog posts. If you know something will never get done if it stays on your To-Do list, hire someone else to do it for you! The flip side is that this scarcity mentality helps you pare down to the most important tasks in your business right now. Save the stuff you love to do, or the tasks only you can do for your precious time and attention: everything else? Get help. Hire a virtual assistant. Send your receipts to a bookkeeper. One big caveat here: don’t barter for everything. You simply exchange one set of tasks taking up your time for another. If you want to really free up time, make the investment in paying someone else to do it.

Photo credit: 55Laney69 on Flickr

Your turn: Are you a solopreneur? What do you love best? What do you love least and how do you deal with it? Are you temporarily a solopreneur or do you have plans to stay that way? We want to know so please share below in the Comments!

 

10 ways to boost your brand with LinkedIn

I’m excited to share this guest blog post from my friend and frequent collaborator, Sandy Jones-Kaminski of Bella Domain Media. As I’ve mentioned before, Sandy’s a “social media life saver” and is especially adept at leveraging LinkedIn for marketing and business development. Here’s an awesome post from her full of some of her own secret sauce for generating leads and boosting her own brand on LinkedIn. Enjoy!

Recently, after speaking at an event where 80% of the room admitted that they were hardly leveraging LinkedIn at all, I thought I’d share the 10 things I do on LinkedIn each and every week as inspiration for others to do more on this powerful professional networking platform.

Yes! You can hire Sandy Jones-Kaminski to show you how to REALLY leverage LinkedIn. If you start doing even just a few of these things, I bet you’ll see some new (and welcome) outreach or activity.

  1. Update the status on your profile with either news about a connection or an upcoming speaking engagement I have.
  2. Share something worthy that a connection has posted.
  3. Review your main stream and Like or Comment on things your network has shared.
  4. Review who’s looking at your profile and see if there is anyone you want to connect with on the list. (BTW, don’t bother with the upgrade. I had it through a prior job and didn’t real see any real value in it as long as you check it every few days, which I do.)
  5. Share an industry-relevant article, post or maybe a new service offering on your company page. Don’t have a Company Page? Create one!
  6. Endorse what you’re comfortable endorsing for direct connections. (Does anyone really endorse people they couldn’t vouch for during a reference request?)
  7. Research people or companies you’re interested in or are targeting for future work or collaborations.
  8. Follow some new (to you on LinkedIn) thought leaders or Company pages and Comment, Like or Share that content.
  9. Check out what’s happening within some of the groups where you’re most active. (Comment and Like where appropriate.)
  10. Grow your network by sending personalized Invitations to Connect to the new people you meet (or like) each week.

BTW, you can hire Sandy to show you how to REALLY leverage LinkedIn. Click HERE for details.

Not ready just yet? Click this link to get more tips from this networking maven!

Now it’s your turn: What do you think of LinkedIn as a business and brand booster? What do you do on LinkedIn on a regular basis? Please feel free to add your weekly To Dos on LinkedIn in the Comments below, so others can learn from you too!

8 unexpected places to find your next client or customer

It’s simple.

If you solve a pressing problem or have a story to share that moves, ignites, provokes, heals or amuses people, you can find your tribe. The first step is that you have to really believe in what you’re selling. In fact, don’t think of it as selling. What is the mission behind what you do? I don’t care if you’re writing a book, offering massage services or developing enterprise software. Why do you do what you do? What will others gain from it?

That’s what is interesting. That’s what gets people hooked.

Now, take that mission, that story, and bring it to these 8 unexpected places to capture your next client or customer. Or better yet, think of it as “to capture your next client or customer’s imagination.”

  1. The elevator: Not just the networking luncheon or conference itself, but the elevator. Classic place to engage one on one. Often, people are feeling a bit of trepidation going into a big conference hall or luncheon alone. So start the conversation with one person while you’re both trapped in this big metal box.  This is how I met one of my favorite colleagues with whom I exchange business referrals. In the span of one minute, she and I connected based on our passions and missions – and even found out we both had written books.
  2. LinkedIn groups: I posted a comment in an Indiana University alumni group once and a week later got an email from someone, saying he liked what I’d written and asking to chat about his company’s current project. Really. It was that simple. Same thing with another group recently, where someone contacted me after I posted a helpful comment. Of course, make sure your comment is insightful, adds value without asking for anything in return and related to what you do. That helps.
  3. Guest blogs: Reach out and share your expertise with others in related fields. Who really resonates with your brand? Who rocks your world? For whom do you think you can be a missing puzzle piece and add value to their community? Make an effort to guest blog at least once a month and this will open you up to so many more potential clients or customers.
  4. Your butcher, baker, candlestick maker: So often, we tend to separate our personal lives from our professional lives. For the longest time, I didn’t reveal to anyone outside of “work situations” that I had written a book about how to create a brand strategy. I thought they might not “get it” or wouldn’t care out of context. Why? That’s just stupid. Why not tell your massage therapist, your Crossfit buddies or your local UPS Store owner what you do for a living? You’d be surprised at how often people whom you think would never be interested in your business actually know someone who needs what you’ve got. Margit Crane, ADHD Coach and co-founder of Good Enough Parenting threw a fit with a restaurant and the owner called to apologize. After talking a bit, he hired her to be an ADHD Coach for his family
  5. Personal business transactions: Selling your house. Buying a car. Renting event space for your teen’s graduation party. Why not talk up your business to someone with whom you are already engaging in contracts? @ywpresidente, CEO of social networking start-up hub site, YourWorld.me  tweeted me that he turned the guy across the closing table for his house into one of his best clients.
  6. Vacation: While we often let our hair down on vacation and try to do as much as we can to unplug from our work, there are times when an unexpected opening may present itself. Be prepared – and make sure you are always keeping your personal brand in mind, even when “off the clock.” Kelsey Foster, a dating coach and author, found a new client while dancing with her cousin and a Michael Jackson impersonator in Vegas at 4 a.m.  Some people came over the chat with her and – boom – she gained a new client.
  7. Random bump-in: Publicity expert Nancy Juetten had a chance meeting with someone she had worked with before at a natural foods market.  After catching up, she said, “Call me next week to chat about a project” and offered her card. Nancy followed up, and they worked together for several years. ALWAYS remember to follow up!
  8. Volunteer committees: Writer Tina Christiansen worked on a convention committee for a car club. The committee chair was also president of a company and, after getting to know each other, they hired Tina and became her very first client.

If you believe in what you do and why you do it, client/customer opportunities are everywhere. Be prepared! (Tweet!)

Where have you unexpectedly met a future partner, client or customer? Got a crazy story to share about how this came about? Please share in the Comments!

3 tips for business success on – and off – the golf course

Sure, golf and business go together like peas and carrots. And today, more and more women are taking the game by storm for business and for pleasure. No longer the domain of rich white men and plaid pants (cue joyful montage to Caddyshack), the game is changing to be more inclusive, stylish and accessible. My friend and past client Elizabeth Noblitt, is the fashion stylist and founder of Shi Shi Putter, the premiere online resource for women golfers who play like their style depends on it—on & off the golf course.

Today she shares a guest post on 3 ways to ace your business performance on the golf course. But methinks you could apply these lessons off the course as well: 

Closing deals on the golf course is a main objective for most business people who play the game.  Just like the beginning to any relationship, golf is about compatibility.  You are spending five hours with someone to see if you like them, trust them, and want to invest in them.  It could be the longest date of your life, depending on how it goes.  Here are three tips to make sure you ace it.

Be on Your Best Behavior.

In addition to the official rules of golf (of which there are hundreds), there is also an unwritten code of conduct, the basis of which is respect.  Be courteous to those in your foursome and those playing around you.  If you aren’t sure ask a friend who golfs or get a lesson on etiquette before you play.  Here is a great video with a few basics.

Be Stylish. 

You don’t have to be Tom Ford stylish, but don’t show up wrinkled like you just rolled out of bed.  Call the club ahead of time to learn what their dress code is; they are more than happy to help.  While following their rules is important, I think it’s more important to be yourself and not forget your own style.  (Tweet this!) If polos make you look boxy, don’t wear them; find a different collared shirt.  Being successful depends a lot on confidence and it’s hard to rock it when you feel like a dork.

(Extra tip:  When you are purchasing new golf clothes, be sure to try them on for fit.   Take a practice swing and bend down to see how the garments fit in those situations.  You don’t want to be water cooler talk the next day because you shared a little too much skin on the golf course.)

Have Fun. 

In a nutshell, be the person your associates and clients want to play with again.

About Elizabeth: Elizabeth Noblitt is an avid golfer, seasoned event marketing professional and fashion stylist. She founded Shi Shi Putter in 2009 to redefine the game of golf, with a confident blend of beauty, grace and fun. If you would like 1:1 help to look and feel your best on the golf course (and on the street), email Elizabeth at elizabeth@shishiputter.com. Follow her @shishiputter

Your turn: What tips do you have for mixing business with your favorite pastime, be it golf, cocktailing or tennis? Do you close deals or build relationships this way? Please share in the Comments!

How to make and keep friends….without the playground. A conversation with Shasta Nelson

As I get older, I’m fascinated by friendship and how it evolves over time. Since moving several times in my life and leaving a corporate job for solo business ownership, I’ve also had to learn to cultivate new friends and “work friends” in a whole new way.

I’m excited to announce that a new friend in my life, Shasta Nelson, wrote an amazing book – Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of Girlfriends— which hits bookshelves this month. As the founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, a women’s friendship matching site in 35 U.S. and Canadian cities, she is one of the foremost experts on the subject of healthy female friendships. Shasta can frequently be seen in national media, speaking about how adults can develop effective friendships.

Whether you’re currently looking for new friendships for work or play or you want to strengthen the ones you have—Shasta’s book is a treat. I sat down to talk with her about the role of friendship in our personal and professional lives.

RS: Welcome Shasta! Why did you call the book, Friendships Don’t Just Happen?

SN: Many of us wish we had a few closer friends but we tend to want those friendships to just happen, the way it felt like as a kid of college student. Those friendships seemed to just happen automatically without us having to be all that intentional. The title of my book reminds us that we can create meaningful adult friends. It’s less about us waiting around for the right person and more about creating the right friendship with those who are around us.

RS: In a world where we are all increasingly busy, are friendships a nice-to-have or a must-have?

SN: Without a doubt, they are a must-have. The health benefits of close relationships are too numerous to count– everything from lower stress and fewer colds to increased happiness and greater success in our personal goals. If we feel like we have a circle of supportive friends then we recover from surgery faster, increase our odds of surviving breast cancer, and literally extend the years of our brains and hearts. Research has shown that if we feel disconnected then it is twice as damaging on our health as being obese and is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Building up healthy friendships is a non-negotiable for those who value their health.

RS: How can entrepreneurs, especially women, nurture and cultivate their friendships when, so often, the friend/work colleague lines get blurred for them in particular?

SN: I say let the lines blur!  Work is still the number one place where we make friends and for those of us who own our own business or work from home, we definitely still want to use our work as a connection point with others.  But it’s more important to understand what those friendships are and what they are not.

In my book, I talk about 5 different types of friends; the 2nd being what I call Common Friends, those friendships where we have one thing, such as work/business, holding us together.  This can look like scheduling a lunch with two fellow business owners every month, joining a local mastermind group, or participating in an active networking association.  Our goal is to be as consistent as possible with our chosen connections so that our sharing can become deeper and more meaningful within the area of shared commonality.

There are two common mistakes that are often made in this Common Friends circle.  The first one is minimizing the significance this group of friends can have in our lives. It’s easy to think that if we can’t see ourselves becoming best friends with these women that somehow there’s no point to investing in these friendships. This is such a hugely important area of friendship as these friends understand our business, know what it feels like to be entrepreneurs, and can provide us introductions and resources  – and many of our  closest friends can’t always support us in this way.

The second mistake is to do the opposite and actually start believing that this circle of women is also our group of best friends. Many women get their feelings hurt when they leave a job and none of their former colleagues followed up with them. That is because the friendship was built on having one thing in common–work– so when that one thing ends, so does the friendship. Friendships must be developed, not discovered, which means that moving these women from the 2nd circle to the 4th or 5th one takes consistency, intimacy, history, and an expanding of what we share when we’re together.    Some of the women from your business group may eventually become your closest friends, but that is part of the process I talk about in the book to help move women into the friendships that matter most to you.

RS: Why should people read this book?

SN: Much is written and taught about romantic love and parent-child relationships. We buy armloads of books on these subjects that feel so urgent and life consuming. Yet, when it comes to our friendships—relationships that will outweigh in quantity the number of kids and spouses most of us will have—we tend to take a much more laid-back approach. We end up just hoping that we’ll meet the right women, at the right time, and both know the right way to act. While some of us have seen good modeling of healthy platonic friendships, the vast majority of us are left hoping that it just comes intuitively, as though we should know how to make and keep good friends. Few of us have been taught what we need to know. This book not only offers the steps to creating meaningful friendships, but provides a helpful way to constantly evaluate and better understand our friendships as we go through life.

To learn more about Shasta and the book, please click here. To snag your print or digital copy, click here.

If you own your own business, work at a small start-up or work from home, what one tips do you have about making and maintaining friendships? What has worked for you? Are your business colleagues also your friends? Please share in the Comments!