Tag: empathy

Don’t compromise your story

Posted on by Maria Ross
Don't Compromise Your Story

Sometimes, we are so confident and passionate about the story we have to tell. We know that we can offer tremendous value, whether through our own brand story for customers or a creative story that leads to art, music, poetry or dance.

Commerce and art are similar. When the story inspires you and resonates for others, things just seem to flow.

Which is what was happening for me as I began the journey of writing The Empathy Edge in early 2017. After some fumbling, I had articulated the message in my heart (thanks to wise help from the fabulous Alexandra Franzen). I was pumped. I had a vision. People validated me with “Yes! This is the business book we need. We need to show that empathy at work and with your customers is the modern success model. Write it. Pleeeeaaaassssse!”

And then, as I pitched to literary agents, the fog rolled in again.

Thankfully, all of them made time to give me detailed feedback or talk with me. They were generous and kind. I was flattered they thought I was a great writer.

But then:

“Well, I’m just not sure where this really fits or how to position it.”

“I don’t know if this will fly to a business audience.”

And…

“I can totally sell this book to a publisher if you change it from “empathy” to be a book about how ‘ feminine traits’ make organizations successful. Will you change it?”

What?! NO.

See, that was their agenda, not mine. They were looking for a neat slot to put me in, something easy to sell. And their publishing partners were pressuring them to find “more books about women’s topics.” (This was right in the thick of the Me Too movement). 

They told me they could sell this book. If I didn’t write the book I wanted to write.

I kindly said no. And pressed on.

See, my entire point with The Empathy Edge and this message that  “cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive” is to make it gender-neutral. It’s not about male or female traits. Empathy is a HUMAN trait. 

And if I pigeonholed it as “owned” by one gender, I’d lose the opportunity to reach the very audience who, for better or worse, currently makes up the majority of business leaders. And frankly, some of my least empathetic bosses were women, so we don’t have a lock on this either, people.

Most importantly, I’d lose those male allies who were models of empathetic leadership – and who wanted this book to help bring other male colleagues along and help me change the conversation.

So, I said no. To a sweet deal. To it being easier.

The lesson: Don’t let anyone else shape your story. If it fuels you and resonates with others, stop at nothing to tell it. (TWEET THIS!)

And now you can read the book that I wanted to write.

The pre-launch sale for The Empathy Edge is going on now. Click here for details. Buy before October 22 and get some fabulous goodies, including an invite to my exclusive author Q&A, a bonus expert video series, and even, at larger quantities, a free customized workshop for your team or event.

And, when you read it, I’d love to know: Did I make the right decision?

PS: To get some fabulous bonuses, including an exclusive author Q&A webinar, bonus video training and more, pre-order your copies of The Empathy Edge right here: https://red-slice.com/eebonus/  

After placing your order, just submit your receipt on that page, and enjoy your goodies! Order by October 22. Thank you so much for your kind support! It means the world.

How to be a better negotiator 

Posted on by Maria Ross

Nice guys and gals finish last. 

That has been the conventional wisdom, hasn’t it? That only sharks using cutthroat tactics can make favorable deals and negotiate effectively. 

I’m calling BS.  

Turns out, empathy is a secret weapon when it comes to negotiation and effective collaboration. And author, activist and strategic consultant Elisa Camahort Page shared with me how she learned this powerful lesson from an unlikely source: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

 Elisa knows how to successfully get what she wants, so of course, I had to sit down and talk with her about how empathy helps you negotiate deals that are mutually beneficial for both parties. 

Elisa is known as co-founder and COO of women’s media company, BlogHer. After the successful sale of that powerhouse brand, she’s now focused on speaking, writing and consulting with entrepreneurs and organizations. She co-wrote Roadmap for Revolutionaries: Resistance, Activism and Advocacy For All, a resource guide to activating around causes you care most about, which features contributions and/or endorsements by diverse activists and advocates such as Gloria Steinem,  Guy Kawasaki, Soledad O’Brien and Senator Kirsten Gellibrand (get it – it’s empowering!) 

Elisa’s thinking on this topic was triggered by an episode of her favorite cult classic TV show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If you’re not familiar with it, she gives us a quick overview. 

So many things I think you’ll love about this energetic interview, especially: 

YouTube video

Highlights include: 

*Why Buffy the Vampire Slayer is rich with lessons in leadership and collaboration (2:23) 
*How innovators can learn to see unintended consequences and “take responsibility for the magic you create” (12:15) 
*What BlogHer taught her about mutually beneficial relationships (13:30) 
*Three things to look for in healthy relationships…and three things that can destroy partnerships (14:21) 
*Why we need to compromise and prioritize (18:30)  
*How to think about inclusivity when marketing and storytelling (20:30)  
* The easiest way to get to what someone really wants (28:21) 

Too many great Tweetables from Elisa, so I’m giving you my faves! 

“Innovation + Empathy > Innovation + Efficiency” (TWEET THIS!)

“Instead of thinking about negotiation as a war, think about it as party planning. What pieces do you need in place to get this party started?” (TWEET THIS!)

“You can’t develop a bigger audience and community until you develop empathy for the people you want there” (TWEET THIS!)

Learn more about Elisa Camahort Page’s speaking and writing on her website  
Follow #RoadMap4Revs for info about the book, Roadmap for Revolutionaries 
Check out her new consulting firm, Ternstyle Group 
Discover her work with Mentor Bureau 
Connect with her on Medium, Facebook, or Twitter @elisacp 

Does empathy make you a better leader? And thought leader?

Posted on by Maria Ross

In researching my forthcoming book, The Empathy Edge, I found ample evidence that empathy can make you a more successful leader,

But…why?  And can it also impact your success as a thought leader?

Yes.

Today I’m interviewing Denise Brosseau, CEO of The Thought Leadership Lab, where she works with executives and entrepreneurs seeking to grow their influence. She’s the author of Ready to Be a Thought Leader, which you must read if your brand strategy includes boosting your visibility as a thought leader.

Denise has taught at Stanford Business School, co-founded both a trade association and the first VC conference for women entrepreneurs, known as Springboard, which has helped women raise over $8 billion. Denise has also been honored as a Champion of Change by the White House.

Or, more simply, Denise is a “thought leader about thought leadership”!

She has seen what it takes to be a strong, effective leader and to amplify your message for massive impact. And a critical component to that success? Empathy.

You will love this lively video interview packed with insights on how to sharpen your leadership (and thought leadership) skills… and if you watch one thing, watch the important distinction between thought leadership and being a visible expert!

YouTube video


Highlights include:
*Do successful leaders exhibit more empathy and how do they act on it?  (3:21)
*Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella’s big faux pas in front of thousands of women…and how he responded with empathy and reflection (7:00)
*The difference between empathy and submission (9:12)
*The growth mindset – and why “changing your mind” as a leader is not a bad thing (10:55)
* Defining thought leadership and empathy’s crucial role in success (11:52)
* The importance of appealing to both sides of our brains to make change (14:31)
* What a thought leader really is…and is not! (16:55)
*Are there people who should not be thought leaders? And the important difference between being a thought leader versus a visible expert. So good! (18:40)

“We want leaders to mature, take in new information, ideas and perspectives and carefully consider them. If you’re not even listening and you’re still stuck in where you were when you were 25, I don’t know that you should be leading my organization!” – Denise Brosseau (TWEET THIS!)

Learn more about Denise and the Thought Leadership Lab
Take her LinkedIn Learning course, Becoming a Thought Leader (soon she’ll be adding a course about Thought Leading Organizations)
Connect with Denise on LinkedIn

A Tale of Two Customer Experiences

Posted on by Maria Ross

Customer experience is now a defining competitive edge.

In fact, this Forbes.com article states that customer experience is one of the top disruptive trends in business this year.

So let me ask you: Which customer experience would you rather have?

  • One where the customer service rep responds promptly, empathizes with your issue, and offers you options to solve your problem, even if it may not be the original solution you’d had in mind?
  • Or one where the customer service rep blames their lack of responsiveness on the company being too successful to manage all their new business, implying it’s somehow your fault for being impatient?

These were two such experiences I had recently. The first with, of all companies, a cable company. The second, with what is supposed the be a new darling of online retailing.

What made the difference? EMPATHY.

Empathy is not just a feel good trait. It’s an essential brand advantage that impacts sales and customer experience. Especially when dealing with an upset customer or client. (TWEET THIS!)

The bad customer service rep (for lack of a better term) blamed me for the initial problem, acted like she didn’t care at all that I was now in a bind, and haughtily said to me, “Well, I can’t help do anything about it” to which, when I prompted, “Well can you ASK someone who CAN do something,” she replied with indifference, “”Sure, I guess I’ll ask if something can be done, but I don’t think so.” Yep. She never asked.

The good customer service rep immediately empathized with my frustration and shock over a huge increase in my monthly bill (“Wow! I would totally feel the same way if I’d opened up a bill and saw that increase too! Let’s see what’s going on here.”)

The bad customer service rep had canned email responses that were supposed to “show empathy” – except when you get the same phrase in every single email, it’s clear it’s from a script (“We never want our customers to have that kind of experience.”) Well, clearly you do if you do nothing to fix the process.

The good customer service rep had no script. She looked at my account and customized a solution on the fly. (“Let me check something real quick. I think I can move your plan to another one we now have available so you’re paying the same price you were before.”)

Google has seen the business benefits of empathy. Company research projects have revealed that its most innovative ideas, productive teams and high-performers rank empathy high as a crucial factor to success.  Microsoft’s CEO Satya Nadella cites empathy as the most important catalyst for innovation.

How do we build empathy into the customer experience?

  • Implement the right processes: Empower customer service reps to do what it takes to solve the issue and not tie their hands with onerous “permission getting.” Allow for fast resolutions and creative problem solving.
  • Hire right: Emotional intelligence is crucial. Don’t just staff a body. Be sure you are screening and hiring people who have shown empathy in past roles. Ask them how they collaborate, problem solve or handle angry customers. Role play scenarios in the interview and see how they respond.
  • Scale for success: Your success is no excuse for a poor experience. Don’t blame “too many customers” on the reason you don’t have enough reps or logistical support to solve problems. Don’t blame your email system for not getting customer complaints. That’s on you.
  • Acknowledge feelings: While it’s tempting to not want to legally “take blame” for something that went wrong, you can still be human and say you are sorry the customer is having such a bad experience. Acknowledging their angry or hurt feelings by relating to them from a similar experience you have had can go a long way to easing the pain.

It’s not enough to have a great product. The bad customer service experience company has a great product and it’s killing me that I just don’t want to give them any more of my money.

Image Credit: Photo by Jared Sluyter on Unsplash

The Brunch Crisis

Posted on by Maria Ross

A few years ago, my friend Alex helped her sweetheart Brandon to open a brunch restaurant in Portland.  

At first, they had zero customers. But within a few months—thanks to some glowing reviews in local newspapers, positive Yelp reviews, and a lot of hard work—they found themselves with a “good” type of problem:  

They had too many customers.   

At 9am when they oened their doors, some days, there’d be a line of people creeping around the block. With a tiny dining room—just eight tables—they couldn’t possibly seat everyone at once. The waiting area became cramped and hectic. Often, customers had to wait an hour—or more—before they could sit down and order their meal.  

Alex noticed that most of the people in the waiting area looked extremely “hangry” (hungry and angry). Their eyes were glassy. They looked bored and disgruntled. They wanted waffles and bacon. Like, yesterday.  

One day, a customer—who had been waiting over an hour—exploded at Alex and started yelling about how “ridiculous” everything was. It was completely inappropriate. Basically, a grown woman behaving like a toddler. Alex felt shaken and horrified. Later that night, she said to Brandon, “We need to figure out a way to make people feel happier while they’re waiting for a table. Because things are getting crazy out there. It’s a crisis zone!”  

Alex and Brandon came up with a plan. 

People feel bored? We’ll set up an area with Nintendo, books, coloring supplies, a chess board, and Tarot decks. They can entertain themselves for hours! 

People feel thirsty? We’ll put out pitchers of water, and we’ll sell them coffee that they can sip while they’re waiting for a table. 

People feel hungry? We’ll pass out teeny-tiny mini pancakes as a little snack. For free. Something to nibble on while they wait. 

That week, Alex and Brandon revamped their waiting area and made all kinds of changes. Customers LOVED it. They couldn’t believe how cool it was. “OMG, you guys have 400 Nintendo games? For real?!” The sour faces disappeared. The entire atmosphere in the restaurant shifted. People started playing games, talking, laughing, and enjoying themselves instead of grumbling. Brunch crisis: averted. 

The moral of the story:  

When a frustrated customer lashes out, most entrepreneurs do one of two things: They apologize. Or they ignore the situation. But maybe there’s a third option…  

Empathizing. 

You can choose empathy. You can get inside your customer’s mind. Put yourself in their shoes. You can ask yourself, “What are they feeling? Are they tired? Hungry? Bored? Anxious? Feeling ignored?”  

If you can empathize with your customer—really try to understand their feelings and their point of view—then you can come up with a plan to make them happier. (Just like Alex and Brandon did.)  

The next time you get a fiery email, a mean blog comment, or a nasty Yelp review, instead of panicking… try empathizing. (TWEET THIS!) 

Really try to see—and feel—the situation from that customer’s perspective. Imagine their scenario. Consider what you’d want if you were in the same scenario.  

Then, design your business accordingly. 

Good vs. Bad Customer Friction

Posted on by Maria Ross

Your organization, business or work will induce friction. Accept that.

Friction is anything that makes a client or customer unhappy or prevents them from fully getting value from your work.

Some people will embrace what you have to offer. Others will reject it. But, inevitably, some humans who find barriers to consuming, accepting, buying, and supporting your work. They will hit bumps in the road rather than have a smooth, seamless, happy experience with your work.

The trick is to judge good friction versus bad friction so you know which is worth removing….and which is not.   (Tweet This!)

Good friction–the kind you can improve upon, tweak, clarify or change to better serve people–looks like this:

  • “It’s not clear from your website what you do or if this solves my problem”
  • “The bottle pour spout is too big and makes too much come out all at once.
  • “The instructions were confusing so I didn’t use the product.”
  • “I thought you were delivering x, y or z but you never wrote anything down.”
  • “The course did not deliver what you promised on the sales page”
  • ‘Your website typos give me the impression you’re not professional.”
  • “Your customer service rep never responded to my multiple emails.”
  • “You were late to all our meetings.”

Bad friction–the kind that you can politely address but still stand your ground–looks like this:

  • “I want my money back for the course because I didn’t have time to do the work.” (That’s on you, not us)
  • “I’m not your target audience and would never buy your product but I’m offended by your social media posts.” (Sorry about that, but we’re serving our tribe, not you.)
  • “Your work was useless. Of course, I never implemented your recommendations but, still, you didn’t do good work.” (Really? I delivered solid, expert advice. How do you know it’s not good unless you take action?)
  • “Your work/art/book/song/brand/message sucks!” (Not everyone has to like what I do. Are you my target audience? If you give me something tangible to respond to perhaps I can improve it.)

Good friction is a valid criticism that can help you improve and bring you closer to a customer. It helps you improve, refine and clarify things to make it easier for people to love you. You can address this kind of friction and pave a smooth path to adoption and adoration.

Bad friction is just noise, excuses, and whining. If people are not willing to put in the time, implement your advice or thoughtfully judge your work, it is not friction you should worry about removing. Because that kind of friction is not real.

Before you spend cycles acting on customer or client friction, make sure you know which kind of friction it is.

Why Lack of Empathy Will Destroy Your Brand

Posted on by Maria Ross

You’ve probably heard all the outrage over how United Airlines forcibly removed a doctor from his seat, injuring him, simply because they needed his seat to accommodate a crew transfer.

This is straight out of PR brand crisis hell. David Dao, the victim, is a doctor, grandparent, and Asian-American. The police dragged him from his seat when he refused to get up, broke his nose and caused a “severe concussion,” according to Dao’s lawyer.

United’s CEO Oscar Munoz has apologized profusely and publicly, taking full responsibility for the airline’s behavior. They are reviewing and changing policies to earn back customer trust.

The brand damage is bad. But like any virtual monopoly, we’ll probably have little choice but to have to fly United again. Their stock price took a devastating hit but has since rebounded (as of this blog post writing).

The good news is that there have been Congressional hearings about the airline’s behavior and air passenger rights. Other airlines like Southwest and Alaska are proactively reviewing their own policies to avoid any issues in the future. Dr. Dao has received a hefty settlement for his pain and suffering (good for him, I say, poor man.)

@United showed us how lack of empathy destroys your #brand via @redslice #PR #values Click To Tweet

If you make policies that only serve your interests and do not think about how they impact your customers, you will lose. United put their own needs above a paying passenger with no thought to this person’s schedule, convenience or feelings.

All United had to do was create a fair, compassionate policy to accommodate their customers and crew. I’ve always thought overbooking as a practice was nonsense (but admittedly, I don’t understand the financials). But then, to add fuel to the fire, you had airline personnel on the front lines making all of these bad decisions instead of being empowered and inspired to come up with a more empathetic, creative solution.

My own family has issues with United recently, flying home from London Heathrow. My husband has airline status which gives him access to their worldwide lounges. He and I tried to get into the lounge at Heathrow with our three year-old but were told he was only allowed one guest with his current status.  Even though our son was only three, he’d have to pay full price for an extra pass. Really? What are we supposed to do, leave our kid outside? Maybe they don’t want whole families coming in on one pass, but I doubt many parents with six kids were trying to “game the system.” We were livid. Did they not understand how often my husband flies their airline, away from his own family? Why can’t you create a policy that says any child is only charged $10 or something?

Absolutely no empathy.

CEO Oscar Munoz has said, “This is a turning point for United. For the last three weeks, I have spent every day thinking about how we got here.”

Really? You don’t know how you got here? I’m calling BS. Have you even flown a commercial airline as a paying passenger in the last decade? We got here through consolidation, lack of competition, squeezing customers for more money and fees while offering them less, shrinking their legroom and generally making the flying experience horrific.

I know. I fly a lot. And back in the mid-nineties, I flew United weekly in my management consulting job – and loved how they treated me with kindness and respect. Wow, how far they’ve fallen.

Empathy has to be baked into the brand values and DNA of a company. 

If you're not using company values as useful tools to RUN your company, you've failed @redslice #United #brand Click To Tweet

Values shape what policies to put in place and which people to hire.

Until companies figure out that brand starts from the inside out and that it all has to start with customer empathy, they will never learn.