We talk a lot about the importance of self-awareness and self-care in helping you be a more empathetic and effective leader. In fact, those are two of my five pillars in my book, The Empathy Dilemma because they are vital to being a more effective leader and human. You may think of the traditional modalities, but have you considered hypnosis?
Today, my guest is Amy Koford. We discuss how Amy got into this work, the power she’s discovered in how hypnosis works, why it transforms lives, and she busts some myths about hypnosis. Amy talks about how trauma can show up, how to take traumatic memories and replace the associated emotions, how people show up as work based on who they are and what they’ve been through, and how you can embrace forgiveness through empathy to rise above past trauma. She’ll share how you can show up as the leader and colleague you want to be.
To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.
Key Takeaways:
- Everyone can be hypnotized, it may take different forms for some people, but it does not negate the potential benefits.
- Insecurities are a bigger deal than many realize. Many successful people are extremely insecure and those insecurities push them to prove themselves to others and fill the void of the insecurities, but still be in turmoil inside.
- A lack of empathy often causes many social misunderstandings and team dysfunctions, but the root of that is usually fear.
“People don’t want to grow up to be a jerk or to be an annoying person at the workplace. That’s just not what they really want to be…When we’re in the workplace, it’s important to understand that people are the way they are for reasons and very good reasons. And that helps you have empathy.”
— Amy Koford
Episode References:
The Empathy Edge episodes on trauma:
Katharine Manning: How Trauma Impacts Performance – And What Smart Leaders Can Do
Charna Cassell: Recognizing And Regulating Trauma At Work – Yours And Others
About Amy Koford, the Happy Hypnotist & author of Hardwired to Rise
Amy, The Happy Hypnotist has been a professional hypnotist, public speaker, hypnosis show performer and more for several years to transform the lives of numerous people. She’s the creator of The Trauma Protocol which takes individuals from traumatized to optimized in just weeks. Amy is the author of, Hardwired to Rise: Eye-Opening Truths about How Fear Holds You Back, Causes Suffering – and How to Liberate Yourself to Have the Thriving Life You Deserve.
She has traveled the world to attend hypnosis conferences and has been trained, mentored, certified, and taught mastery skills from the top hypnotists on the planet. Amy specializes in happiness and peace with various techniques that are effective in helping people resolve and let go of the past and change their center to become positive, confident, empowered individuals who know their amazing abilities to live their best lives.
Connect with Amy:
Amy the Happy Hypnotist: amykoford.com
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/amy-koford-012637184
Facebook: facebook.com/amythehappyhypnotist
Instagram: instagram.com/amythehappyhypnotist
Threads: threads.net/@amykoford
Book: Hardwired to Rise: Eye-Opening Truths about How Fear Holds You Back, Causes Suffering – and How to Liberate Yourself to Have the Thriving Life You Deserve
Join the community and discover what empathy can do for you: red-slice.com
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FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business. We talk a lot on this show on the importance of self awareness and self care, and helping you be a more empathetic and effective leader. In fact, those are two of my five pillars in my forthcoming book, the empathy dilemma, because they’re so vital to being more effective leader, and human. You may think of the traditional modalities such as therapy and counseling, psychological assessment and personality tests, like the Enneagram or Myers Briggs. But have you considered hypnosis after today’s episode, you just might. Today my guest is Amy Coburn, also known as the happy hypnotist, and author of the new book hardwired to rise, eye opening truths about how fear holds you back causes suffering, and how to liberate yourself to have a thriving life you deserve. Amy has been a professional hypnotist public speaker, hypnosis show performer and more for several years to transform the lives of numerous people. She’s the creator of the trauma protocol, which takes individuals from traumatized to optimized in just weeks. Amy specializes in happiness and peace with various techniques and modalities that are incredibly effective in helping people resolve and let go of the past and change their center to become positive, confident, strong, empowered individuals who know their amazing abilities to live their best lives. Today we discuss how Amy got into this work, the power she’s discovered and how hypnosis works and why it transforms lives. And she even bust some myths about hypnosis you may have I see you being judgey. Over there, Amy talks about how trauma can show us how to take traumatic memories and replace the associated emotions, how people show up as work based on who they are and what they’ve been through, and how you can embrace forgiveness through empathy to rise above past trauma. She’ll talk to us in more detail about her trauma protocol, and how you can show up as the leader and colleague you want to be at work and in your own life. This was a really interesting conversation. Take a listen. Welcome, Amy CO for the happy hypnotist to the empathy edge Podcast. I’m so eager and excited and curious to have this conversation with you today.
Amy Koford 03:03
Thank you so much. It’s great to be here, Maria.
Maria Ross 03:06
So before we get into the nuts and bolts, let’s talk a little bit about how you got into this work. What is your story and what makes you so passionate about the work you’re doing? Helping people through hypnotism but also helping people overcome trauma and embrace empathy?
Amy Koford 03:21
Thank you so much. Yeah, my story is probably similar to many out there where I was frustrated with not getting results and seeking and seeking I’ve had, you know, illnesses. In the past I’ve had times where I was struggling emotionally, and the resources that I was turning to were simply not cutting it for me it just wasn’t working. So years ago, when I was struggling, I went to hypnotist as a client, and it worked for me. And so I turned around and certified. And then I continued to go to this hypnotist for a little bit of more deep work. And wow, I finally was able to learn how to love myself after a lifetime of not loving myself. So there’s I mean, there’s so much more that I could say about that about my story of why I turned to this. But what I realized is that people are like me, they want what works. And so they’re willing to try hypnotism as a way to work. I have many clients who have been gracious enough to post amazing reviews of what their experience was like. So when people are out there searching for something to help them feel better. Those reviews really help a lot. And
Maria Ross 04:31
what kinds of things are folks coming to you with? And do any of them relate back to the workplace and their work? Oh,
Amy Koford 04:38
yes, absolutely. Most people come to me for depression and anxiety. But with that comes a whole world of other issues right low confidence, low self esteem, and with that comes not as much productivity as they wish. And so yes, it definitely relates to the workplace. A lot of people that come to me or business as owners, or professionals and so yes, what we notice is that as they feel better about themselves, that confidence radiates out of them. And when they love themselves that radiates out of them, and it helps other people around them feel better about themselves too. So they get along better with coworkers, with family members with friends, it improves their productivity in the workplace, their confidence in the workplace. So yes, it absolutely relates to the workplace.
Maria Ross 05:30
And I love this because this is a modality we haven’t talked about on this show before, we’ve talked to psychologists and trauma counselors and folks like that, that are in the more, you know, quote, unquote, traditional realms. And so I’m curious, what you feel is unique about hypnotism for helping people with self awareness, which is, is one of the pillars of my new book that’s coming out in September, the empathy dilemma is that self awareness and self care are both two of the five pillars to help you be an effective empathetic leader, and not burn yourself out or lose your personal boundaries. And so a lot of what I talk about in the book is about taking care of your mind, body and spirit in whatever way that is suitable for you. And I give some suggestions. But what do you think about hypnotism that makes it so unique and so effective for people to engage in that kind of activity and reflection? Yeah, well,
Amy Koford 06:26
I appreciate that. And you’re right. I love what you’ve brought up. You’re absolutely right. Another thing that I’ve learned is that nothing helps us have empathy, the way that going through our own difficulties does. Wow, does that open our eyes, doesn’t it and our hearts to know how other people feel and what it’s like to go through something extremely difficult. So the thing that’s unique about hypnotism is, first of all, people need to understand that the subconscious part of the mind is far bigger than the conscious mind. And that that is the part of our mind where all of our memories are stored, and our emotions. So when someone is doing traditional therapy, they are trying to solve a subconscious problem with their conscious mind. And it’s a lot harder to do. And it takes a lot longer. So what I do with hypnotism is that we’re going into that subconscious part of their mind to solve the subconscious issues. Now, when someone has difficult experiences, that we need to resolve and work through the emotional part of it is what we’re really targeting. Because events are just events in life, right? It’s, it’s the feelings around that that are connected to the events that make it so traumatic and difficult. And again, emotions are in the subconscious. So we’re really working on helping them be okay with a number of ways in the subconscious, I can help their memories be dissociated. So in other words, they still remember them, but it feels like they’re distant, like they’re 1020 feet away. They can’t relive it anymore, the emotional way that they used to the traumatic way that it used to be. So it really works so tremendously well, because we’re fixing where the problems lie.
Maria Ross 08:18
I love that. And so what would you you know, like with this platform, what, what myths would you like to debunk about hypnotism?
Amy Koford 08:26
Yep, there’s a lot out there. There’s a lot of misunderstandings. And often, when someone comes for their first session, they’re a little nervous, because they’ve seen so many misrepresentations on TV shows and movies and so forth. So it’s actually very relaxing. And the myths are that I’m going to make them cluck like a chicken or bark like a dog something like, right, so I have to assure them no, that’s not why you’re here. Now I do hypnosis shows as an on that, yeah, I can get them to do funny things. But in hypnotherapy, it’s so different. And so I’ll also address other fears like maybe that they’re worried that they can get stuck in hypnosis and they won’t be able to come out of it. So I have to let them know that that’s not going to happen that it’s a very natural state of mind. Just like you wake up from when you’re sleeping, you’re going to wake up from this. Another fear is that some people think that they cannot be hypnotized. And so I’ve never had a single person ever that cannot be hypnotized. But some people take a little longer or a little bit different approaches than some there’s no right one way to be hypnotized or one way to feel so I have to individually work on that in my office.
Maria Ross 09:45
And is it a myth that you can’t remember what you’ve done while you’ve been hypnotized?
Amy Koford 09:50
Not no not entirely now. Okay. shows I do have some people that when they come out of it during the after the show, they don’t remember that they He got up and said swear words. It’s like that, yes, that has happened where they don’t remember. However, in hypnotherapy, they tend to remember quite a bit. And I do record their sessions and send them to the client, and have them listen to the session as they’re falling asleep every night. So that it’s really getting reinforced into their mind and helping them sleep better. So that way, if they don’t remember it, then they’re listening to it again and again and saying, oh, yeah, okay. I realize that Amy said that to me during the session. So let’s
Maria Ross 10:35
talk a little bit about a methodology you have called the trauma protocol. Because we’ve done previous episodes on this show about recognizing trauma, especially among colleagues or your teams in the workplace, and how you can be there for them and how you can properly respond. We’ve done some episodes about how you can process your own trauma, and I’ll put links in the show notes to all those past episodes. But you have something specific called the trauma protocol. Can you tell us what that is?
Amy Koford 11:02
Yes, absolutely. I’m really pleased with this trauma protocol. It’s specifically designed, it’s a program of mine, that is engineered to take someone through all the different ways of letting go of those difficult feelings connected to the past events and memories, and replacing all of that with extreme positivity. So every single session, there’s eight, every session has different ways of approaching their subconscious mind, to be able to let go of those very difficult emotions. And like I say, dissociation, and just a number of different ways. So that when they finish those sessions, wow, they are just feeling like a rock star like they are so incredibly transformed. So my little tagline with the trauma protocol is traumatized to optimized. And that is the goal, like when they’re done, they have been able to do a ton of just life changing, dramatic improvement. I love that.
Maria Ross 12:12
Because I just want to interject here because, you know, before we started recording, we were talking about the fact that a lot of this has to do with getting to know yourself, getting to process your own trauma, getting to understand your own emotional triggers, for example, but all because who we are and how we were raised, and what’s happened to us impacts how we show up in the workplace, how we show up as a leader, you know, so, so folks that think, well, why are we talking about this on a business podcast, we talk about these kinds of topics interchangeably on the show all the time, because you cannot park your humanity at the office door when you come to work every day. And so being able to not only understand for yourself to be a more effective colleague and leader, but to understand and recognize these things in people around you, that you’re working with, so that you can better support them and you can better collaborate is so important. And so I love that you know that this protocol, and I know you’re going to tell us more about it. But it’s this idea that these things that have happened in your personal life cannot really be compartmentalized as we’ve been taught, and not interfere or impact your work, your leadership, the way you show up the way you deliver the way you perform. So sort of that step is just even that’s like a game changer of being able to go from traumatized to optimized and what that means for your not just your life and your happiness, but your daily performance as well. Absolutely, yeah.
Amy Koford 13:45
If you have traumas in the past that have not been resolved, it will show up in various ways. It will. I know, you know, everyone wants to hide it stuff at a way never think about it or try to pretend like it doesn’t exist, but it will show up. And so one of the things that you and I were talking about that’s so important. You know, one of the steps of the trauma protocol is forgiveness. But the way that I help people forgive even the most drastic, awful things, is to understand that when that person was a kid, they didn’t aspire to hurt. That wasn’t their goal in life. You know, that wasn’t their aspirations, that they have to understand that, yes, we go through difficult things. And people don’t want to grow up to be a jerk or to be an annoying person at the workplace. That’s just not what they really want to be. But they have these struggles, these battles internally, that make it really hard sometimes for them to be the one that they want to be or they don’t even realize that they’re being not very nice, you know, it, it does show up and So, when we’re in the workplace, it’s important to understand that people are the way they are for reasons and very good reasons. And that helps you have empathy.
Maria Ross 15:11
I love that because, you know, I’ve written in the past about, we’ve talked a lot on the show about psychological safety. And I’ve written an article about what psychological abuse at work feels like. And, you know, now that I’m older and wiser, and have studied empathy and worked on myself, you know, this experience was decades ago, I have more compassion for that, that leader that was making my life miserable. And it’s Yeah, exactly. To your point. It’s, it’s removing yourself enough and your own emotions, enough from the situation to be able to say, what happened to this person. And this is what I the approach I try to take when I run into people who are being mean, or rude, or, you know, hating me on social media. It’s like, wow, who hurt you? Exactly, no. And so we’re what hurt you or how are you hurting yourself? I it is, I have to say forgiveness is hard. It is you have been through trauma, or you have been through psychological abuse. Taking a little bit of a turn here, what kinds of things can people do if they’ve been in a traumatic workplace or personal environment? To begin those steps of forgiveness? Yeah,
Amy Koford 16:28
well, it’s important that I just bring up something real quick that comes up in my book, I have a whole chapter about insecurities. And insecurities are a bigger deal than people realize a lot. You know, you were the reason I wanted to bring this up as you were talking about leaders. Interestingly, what I’ve learned in what I do, and in all my reading, and everything I’ve done, is that a lot of people that are very successful, are incredibly insecure. And those insecurities, push them and drive them to prove themselves. And so you know, they can end up being wildly successful, but still super conflicted and in turmoil inside. Because those very insecurities are what’s just pushing them to burn the candle at both ends. And to succeed, they absolutely, we must succeed in order to prove themselves to others, and to fill that void of the insecurities. Hmm, so true. Yeah. So yes, the steps to forgiveness, it is very hard to forgive when someone has hurt you deeply. And I get all kinds of clients who have had just atrocious things happen to them, you would be shocked. But the forgiveness is for the client. Okay, so it’s important that they start to understand that this is not for them, this is not letting them off the hook. This is for you to be at peace, and to have freedom. So the steps are that you have to first understand that number one, that person did not aspire to hurt you. Okay? They had a crappy childhood, or they had whatever it was right. Like they had difficulties, experiences, events, traumas that brought them to say what they said to you, and do what they did to you. Okay, so that’s super important to understand. And once the client starts to get that bigger picture perspective, that helps so much, because then they realize, you know, that’s true. This loved one or this person that I knew, or the stranger, they probably did have a lot of really difficult circumstances in their lives that caused them to do this, or say this. And so once I can get the client to do that, and this will help everyone, you’re on your way to being able to forgive. But the other thing is to just totally know, it is for you, right, forgiveness is for your peace, for your happiness and your ability to put the past behind you and move forward in a very empowering way.
Maria Ross 19:11
I love that. I love that. And you know, since you mentioned the book, let’s kind of round out the conversation and reminding people again, the book is called hardwired, hardwired to rise, eye opening truths about how fear holds you back causes suffering, and how to liberate yourself to have the thriving life you deserve. So tell us what your hope is for this book. What do you hope this book will do for people or that they take away from
Amy Koford 19:35
it? Thank you. Yeah, my big thing is that I have learned in the many 1000s of sessions that I’ve done over the years, that fear is the base of all negativity, okay, every issue that someone comes to me for is fear based. And that’s something that I realized, you know, throughout my sessions, depression, all of it, the insecurities and so what I’m trying to do is help bring awareness. Because I do get a lot of people. In fact, just yesterday I had a new client, who I asked her what would your life be like without fear? And she said, Oh, I don’t have fear. And so I went through some of the things that she had told me, I said, Well, you know, your, your rating your confidence very low, that’s fear, you are raising yourself low, very low, that’s fair piece you rated at zero out of zero to 10. So, it really I saw her sit there and start to get the light bulb turned on, oh, I’ve never thought of that as fear. So my book is creating awareness that even those people that are fearless, you know, I’ve had lots of clients who do rock climbing, and all kinds of, you know, skydiving, all kinds of really fearless kind of things, but they still struggle with fears that they did not realize. And, and so as we work through that, it is so eye opening to them. So almost alarming, and just really surprising to some clients who felt that like they were completely fearless to learn, no, sorry, you actually were having a ton of fear inside about other things that people would never know, right. And so it’s first of all, creating awareness about how fear is hurting us individually and the world. But every single chapter has exercises and techniques to let go of fear, plus a ton of other things. And as we go through the book, it’s all about letting it go. Overcoming it, and just breaking out of that prison of fear and shining and living your life to the fullest and reaching your full potential. So it really just is all about fear. And let’s just we deserve better than this. Yeah, absolutely. Not only individually, but as the world, you know, and I talk about what is fear doing to the world right now. And that’s going to be really eye opening to some people and saying like, as a world, we deserve better. We are hardwired to rise above fear, and to face challenges with courage not to let fear oppress us and stop us and limit us.
Maria Ross 22:16
Well, if you I mean, many social misunderstandings, many dysfunctions of teams, many of those issues. I you know, my stance has always been, they’re often caused by a lack of empathy, but there’s a lack of empathy because there is fear. So even the most aggressive bully, the fear is not being accepted, not being liked being seen as not worthy of their leadership position, being worried that they’re going to lose, you know, being fearful that they’ll lose control, all of those things. When you see behaviors like micromanagement, or aggressive behavior at work, a lot of that is completely fear based. And it makes sense, because underneath they might not admit that. But what it is, is it’s a fear of something, otherwise, you wouldn’t be acting that way. Yep. And one of the things
Amy Koford 23:05
I bring up in my book is really, the ultimate fear is our needs not being met. And we’re fulfilled. We all every day, every minute of our lives is spent filling our emotional, physical, spiritual mental needs. And so really, fears are all about our needs not being met. Yeah. 100%. Yeah, you’re right, exactly what you say is spot on. Well, I
Maria Ross 23:29
hope folks will check out the book and check out your work. And I thank you so much for sharing your insights with us today. And again, the book is called hardwired to rise. And we’ll have all your links in the show notes. But where’s the best way for anyone that’s on the go right now listening to the podcast? Where’s the best way they can connect with you and find out more about your work?
Amy Koford 23:50
Okay, yeah, thanks. They can go to Amy cofer.com that has all my contact information, and you can just contact me directly through the website. And I have a free gift for everyone that visits my website on the top, you just click on the Download the free happiness and peace checklist. Now that’s 41 items that I have found really works. In my years of being a happiness and peace expert. I have narrowed it down into that list and put it all in there. And everyone that uses that list, it will work. Okay, I absolutely know that if you use that list, you are going to feel much happier and much more peaceful and I want that for all of you listening. I want you to feel better. I love that. I
Maria Ross 24:35
do too. And it’s Amy coleford que ORKOFORDKLNY Say o f o r d.com Thank you again, Amy. It’s been wonderful to connect with you. Oh,
Amy Koford 24:48
thank you, Maria. It’s been a pleasure. Thank you so much.
Maria Ross 24:51
And thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. rate review and share it with a friend or a colleague and until next time, please remember that cashflow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access shownotes and free resources, book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.
