Catherine Bell: How to be An Awakened Company and Leader

Your organization is not just some static, monolithic thing. It’s actually a forest – living, breathing, adapting, full of evolving biodiversity. Often leaders get stuck, focusing on our productivity and numbers, and end up underperforming as a result, causing disengagement and mental health crises in their wake. Today, Catherine Bell shares how integrating consciousness, empathy, and relationship-building creates an Awakening Company that combines profitable performance with conscious purpose.

We discuss what an Awakening Company looks like, how empathetic leaders can be more self-aware and conscious in the moment – leading to higher engagement and performance – and she shares an empathic practice to bring you home to your body in a nanosecond. She fuses compassion, relationships, and consciousness with tangible business performance and transformation – your invitation today is to be brave enough to transform your leadership style to reap all the rewards!

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

Focus on creating healthy, vibrant cultures within your organizations. In the connections, the processes come alive. Our beingness and our ability to relate to one another is where the awakening is. You cannot check your being at the door when you get to work. We all have a sphere of influence. You can create a microculture around you that encourages empathy and connection, without waiting for the decree to come from higher up in your organization.

“We need seasons in our organizations. We need quiet time. We can’t just be relentlessly on the go and at the mercy of productivity. An awakening organization pauses, takes a breath, and then something more creative and dynamic can come in.” —  Catherine Bell

About Catherine Bell:

Catherine is a successful serial entrepreneur, business leader, and best-selling business author who focuses on awakening the fire within as Founder of The Awakened Company. She’s also the author of the revolutionary business book, Awakened Company. Her focus is on helping ignite and sustain the fire within by helping organizations create healthy cultures through her practical experience, wisdom traditions, and business research.  She has taught the Awakened Company process in 23 different countries.  She was recently recognized by Inc. Magazine as one of the top 10 innovative CEOs revamping the future.

Previously, Catherine founded BluEra, a Profit 500 executive search firm. As a top-200 growing company in Canada and top-10 in Alberta, BluEra was a successful example of the Awakened Company System in action, one that is being integrated into the Smith (Queen’s) School of Business Masters of Entrepreneurship. She now helps organizations develop culture strategies.

Catherine has been published in Fortune, HBR, Profit, Conscious Company Magazine, Women of Influence, and has written for the UN. She has worked around the globe from the UK to Cuba, with Fortune 500 companies, and serial entrepreneurs.

Connect with Catherine Bell:

The Awakened Company: https://awakenedcompany.com/

Her book, The Awakened Company

Twitter: https://twitter.com/awakenedcompany

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bellcatherine/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/awakenedcompany

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theawakenedcompany/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5XwzGZacXitTYvb4NPdhgw

Vimeo Channel: https://vimeo.com/user27041330

Awakenly App: https://www.awakenly.app/

References Mentioned:

Enneagram: https://awakenedcompany.com/enneagram-courses-awakened-company/The Empathy Edge podcast, Chris L. Johnson, When Leaders Pause, They WinCarol Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Don’t forget to download your free guide! Discover The 5 Business Benefits of Empathy: http://red-slice.com/business-benefits-empathy

Connect with Maria: 

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

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Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cashflow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.

Did you know your organization is not just some static monolithic thing, it’s actually similar to a forest, living, breathing, adapting full of evolving biodiversity. Sounds about right since organizations are made up of living, breathing, adapting human beings, but so often leaders get stuck, focus on forcing our productivity and numbers and end up underperforming as a result, and causing disengagement and mental health crises in their wake. Today, my guest Katherine Bell shares how integrating consciousness empathy and relationship building creates what she calls an awakening company that combines profitable performance with conscious purpose. Catherine is a successful serial entrepreneur, business leader and best selling business author who focuses on awakening the fire within as founder of the awakened company. She founded blue era, a profit 500 executive search firm, as a top 200 growing company in Canada and top 10. In Alberta, blue arrow was a successful example of the awakened company system in action, one that’s being integrated into the Smith Queen’s School of Business masters of entrepreneurship. She now helps organizations develop culture strategies. She’s also the best selling author of her book, awakened company. We discuss what an awakening company looks like how leaders who are empathetic, can be more self aware and conscious in the moment, leading to higher engagement and performance. And she shares an empathic practice to bring you home to your body in a nanosecond. What I love about Katherine’s work is she like me, fuses compassion, relationships, and consciousness with tangible business performance and transformation. Your invitation today is to be brave enough to transform your leadership style to reap all the rewards Take a listen.

Maria Ross  02:20

Welcome, Catherine to the empathy edge podcast here to talk about what it means to be an awakened company and how to leverage empathy to build better relationships. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Catherine Bell  02:33

Thank you so much for having me. And thank you to everybody who is listening as Yes,

Maria Ross  02:39

thank you. Bye, awesome listeners. So I want to talk a little bit about your both your company and your book called The Awakened company. Tell us what an awakened company is. And what does it look and act like?

Catherine Bell  02:54

An awakened company is an organization that solves a problem. And then solving a problem does not cause harm to either the environment or to humanity. And awakening organizations, I use the term awakening because I don’t believe it’s a conclusion. Whereas awakened, it sounds like it’s concluded, whereas awakening awakening organizations are like a live forest. They have diversity, they have different experiences, and they’re all allowed, and they’re alive and vibrant. Whereas, you know, when we go into organizations, often we can feel like they’re like sludge, they feel they feel slow and stuck, and not alive and vibrant. Not the opposite of an awakening organization. An awakening organization is like seeing all the butterflies in the forest and smelling that great, wonderful air when we walk in the forest. So it’s vibrant, it’s emergent. It’s not something that static or stuck in the mud.

Maria Ross  03:59

I was gonna say it really it really reminds me of, you know, versus some other terms I’ve heard, which is like a conscious company or purpose driven or other terms that are out there. What I like about that is, is that analogy really speaks to how a an organization, like you said, it’s not a static thing, but it needs to ebb and flow. It goes through seasons, it goes through phases, it goes through rebirth, then it goes through death, and it goes through all of these different phases. And it’s okay because it is sort of a living, breathing thing, because it’s made up of people who are living breathing things.

Catherine Bell  04:35

That is so accurate. And in my upcoming playbook I actually talk about the playbook is like how do we create awakening organizations? I actually talked about the seasons, that we need seasons in our organizations. We need quiet time. We can’t just be relentlessly on the go and at the mercy of productivity. That’s not what in a way Any organization is an awakening organization also pauses, takes a breath. And then something more creative and dynamic can come in. So there’s, you know, there’s kind of three pillars, if you were to imagine a drop in an ocean, so we’re dropping a drop of water in the ocean. First we awaken ourselves, then we awaken our relationships, then we awaken our teams, our organization, our communities, but the ripple extends, and it’s alive and it’s moving. The first drop, though, is with ourselves. And that’s where empathy comes in as like, how do we awaken ourselves and one of the tools, because, you know, when you look at the data, the majority of people are disengaged at work. And that’s a real challenge, a real challenge. So how do we wake up something new, and I just want to touch in on empathy, you know, there’s cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, empathetic concern. And what I love about those three things is they tap into the three centers of the Enneagram. And I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the Enneagram. But it’s something that every leader should know about, because it talks about the heart, the head in the gut. And so yesterday, on one of our webinars, I’m gonna give like a real example. I had somebody who was just down in the dumps. And I noticed I’m an Enneagram, type eight, I immediately wanted to fix it wanted to, like, you know, get in there and, and, and kind of do oh, here’s the things you need to do. Is that God Cheever,

Maria Ross  06:35

no, okay. Or I don’t know which one that is. But yeah, oh,

Catherine Bell  06:39

okay. Well, let me quickly go through each type. So when we think of cognitive empathy, those are the head types of the five, the observer, the six little loyalists, the seven, the enthusiast, and you can go to our YouTube channel, we have a whole bunch of free videos, and people can learn more about it. Then there’s emotional empathy, which is our hearts, which is the to the help of the three the achiever, which is you the for the individualist, and then there’s the more body centered types, which is me. And that’s the eight, nine and one challenge or peacemaker, and Reformer. So the invitation is to get in touch with, you know, our self wisdom, our self knowledge, so that we can understand where our biases may be in terms of how we’re going to act from an empathetic perspective. So some people will be biased to be more like empathetic from a head perspective. Others will be empathetic from a heart perspective, and others will be empathetic from more of an action or inaction perspective. And so to really get in touch with that, so knowing that my bias was towards action, and I literally felt my body go to wanting to act well, have you tried this? Have you done this? Have you done this? I’m like, No, that’s not what he needs. He needs you to sit and be with Him, in His challenging in his hardship. So that’s what I did. But if I didn’t know what my bias was, in terms of my Enneagram type, I wouldn’t have been able to do that.

Maria Ross  08:14

Right, right. Yeah. And you know, when I did my research for my book, The Empathy edge, it talks a lot about the differences. And when I do leadership trainings, it’s talking about the difference between cognitive empathy and affective or emotional empathy. And then, both of those leading to action, or could lead to action, which is compassion, compassion is empathy and action. And so I love that you’re relating this to understanding your own leadership style, so you know where to lean in, and where you need to sort of watch yourself and tread carefully, or you might not be giving the person what they actually need in that moment. And so let’s talk a little bit about that. Well, first of all, I’m just so curious, because you seem to blend business performance with these, these almost spiritual ideas. So what brought you to this work where you’re we are fusing those two things together?

Catherine Bell  09:07

What a great question. Thank you for asking it. No one’s ever asked me about one before. So thank you. And it’s a brilliant question. So the awaken company merges wisdom traditions with practical know how and business research. And the book was written was published over seven years ago. And it took me seven years before that, to write it. As you know, being an author, it takes a heck of a lot of time. And just now it’s being re released. And so what brought me to it is practical experience. So creating an organization that was one of the most profitable companies in Canada, and also recognizes the best workplaces and my partners and I decided we do things radically differently. So we are doing mindfulness in our boardroom decades ago. And we are doing unlimited vacation decades ago. are doing. And by doing that, and kind of trusting people and doing all these little hacks, it’s all about the little hacks. And I was like, oh, I need to write a book. But how the book came to me is very, very interesting. I was with my colleague, Carolyn, and we are sitting in a dimly lit cafe in New York City. And it was like a lightning bolt shot through the top of my head, and said, You’ve got to write a book called The Awaken company. So I immediately turned to my colleague, Carolyn, I’m like, Carolyn, I’m thinking I’m supposed to write this book, The Awaken company. She looked at me and she’s like, Yes, you are. And that’s how the book began. And it originally began as actually a recruiting book, because I was, it was an executive search firm, that I co founded. And the we were just doing things radically differently. But anyway, when I wrote the book as how to recruit great people, well, well, that got terrible reviews. My business partners were like, Kathy, this is so boring, and so dry. I kept at it kept at it kept at it. And I knew I wanted Eckhart Tolle, his publisher to publish it. Constance Kelo, because I thought it would be a radical statement to have an organization that’s all about consciousness, bright, you know, publish a business book. And when she first got it, she’s like, No way. I’m not going to publish this. Well, I just kept at it, like the little, you know, like, I’m like, the little engine that could, you know, I’m like, I’m just gonna keep trying and keep trying. Well, I asked her probably four times, and she finally agreed she would publish it. And at the same time, I was soliciting opinions from other people like Otto Sharma from MIT, Rose, Macario, Patagonia, and they didn’t know me. So just listeners, get out of your comfort zone and ask people and who cares if they say no. And then eventually, the book was published, became a bestseller won awards, but what I’m most thrilled about is the impact it’s having on people’s lives.

Maria Ross  12:06

And what is it? You know, let’s let’s, for our listeners, business leaders, aspiring leaders, what is the benefit of being an awakened company? What we’ve talked a lot on this podcast about the benefits of empathy to your organization, but you’re talking about even something bigger? So, you know, what are some of the benefits to an organization of operating this way? And can you give us some examples? Who were some of your bright lights that you look to in terms of like they’re doing it right?

Catherine Bell  12:34

Yes. So the benefits are, when we’re aligned with our vertical, like our actual beingness, everything becomes more sacred. So when our engagement goes up, our performance goes up. And I also would invite everyone to think of their organ their organizations as almost like organisms, so that they become alive entities in and of themselves. And what’s been shown is when we focus two thirds, on creating healthy cultures, and 1/3, on financial results, that is where alchemy happens. Now, so often, I’ll meet with CEOs and like, hey, Kath, can you take take my organization from zero to 1.6 billion, like you did in five years? Like you did that other organization? I’m like, That’s the wrong mantra. That’s the wrong approach. Right? It’s, it’s like how do we create the healthy cultures, the healthy, vibrant forests in our organizations where there’s connection, as recently where we were working, it wasn’t me, it was, it was me and my colleagues, we were recently working with a company who had amazing processes, but there was no connection between the people. So our very little connection between the people so where do we focus our energy, creating connection between people, because it’s in the connection, that the processes come alive. Whereas if they’re just processes it, we’re not automatons. And I believe any organization can become an awakened company with the right intention. And with the right leadership, so I don’t you know, I think the time has gone to kind of hold up certain companies, I think we can learn from everybody and everything. And that’s the invitation with awakening companies is like, oh, that company is doing this. Isn’t that interesting? How do we apply that to our organization? I interviewed Zappos for the book. And one of the things that they do that I loved is r&d, which is rip off and duplicate. And I think that’s just so smart and wise, like, how are we learning emerging organizations? And that’s the invitation and also to view it as a grand experiment, because what will work for one company won’t work for another company, and to really kind of consider it visually, our corporate cultures, that’s why I don’t believe in cookie cutter culture. I think our cultures have got to be diverse for us to have a healthy, healthy world, and also healthy organizations.

Maria Ross  15:13

And so what, you know, you’ve talked in the past, about the highest performing leaders are self aware. And so I know you have opinions about how empathy makes people more self aware. Can you share that with us? And maybe some examples of clients you’ve worked with who’ve made that transition?

Catherine Bell  15:29

Well, so one of the things I speak about, is, are we coming from our weak place? Or are we coming from our asleep place? So I often think people won’t like me, I have a rejection structure that’s pretty strong. And so when you can’t, when I come in with that attitude, oh, they’re not gonna like me, I’m too strong, I’m too bossy, I’m to blah, blah, blah, you know, I have these kind of negative things that I see about myself. And that’s coming from my asleep place. That’s not reality. And when I come around that asleep place, what’s interesting is it reinforces itself. So how do I come from my more awakened state, that just being with somebody just relaxing, just relaxing into being, and really thinking about, like, putting myself in the other person’s shoes, instead of worrying so much about myself, really am not that interesting. Other people are far more interesting to me than me. And to come from that place that life is happening actually, for me, rather than life is happening to me. And I think the key ingredients in this in our relationships, and I talked about this in the book, are how are we being heartful? How are we being mindful? And how are we being spacious? So heartful? Like, how are we really connecting at a heart level with the other person? And super interestingly, the most engaged group of people are those who are positively noticed. So how do we here’s a hack began to just positively notice those around you. It’s a simple, simple empathy slash leadership hack. Notice the good things people are doing?

Maria Ross  17:21

Well, that’s a very, you know, reinforcement of a more positive narrative that you learn with raising children you learn about, like, don’t just be on them, when they screw up, make sure you’re catching them doing good, make sure you’re catching them being good, being positive, being helpful. And, you know, we don’t, we don’t evolve that much in terms of those needs from childhood. We need those because we are setting those scripts and setting those narratives. And if we’re getting that positive reinforcement, along with, you know, the thing I often hear from leaders is, well, I don’t want quality to slip, if I’m going to be doing all this conscious work. And being empathetic, you don’t have to, because being empathetic means you’re really clear. And it means you help someone when they trip and they don’t meet those expectations, where they don’t meet that performance level, the empathetic leadership style is to figure out what’s going on for them. And not It’s not to lower the bar. It’s to help them reach the bar that you’re setting.

Catherine Bell  18:22

Very, very much so very much so. And also, what I love about your perspective is it’s learning. So I love Carol Dweck research, which I’m sure you’re familiar with,

Maria Ross  18:32

you know, growth mindset,

Catherine Bell  18:34

the growth mindset versus the closed mindset, that it’s not a conclusion. It’s not just about getting the gold star. We all have gold stars and negative stickies all over us. It’s more about what are we actually learning? How are we present to the here and now with our colleagues. And we so often put old narratives on on people and old stickies on people. When the focus really okay, we’re here together now. This is what’s in front of us now, what are we learning? Where are we growing? Where are we experimenting? And to have that frame of kind of how in our relationships, are we hurtful? How are we mindful? So how are we considering, you know, each other intellectually, and that’s really, really important. When you look at transformational leadership. One of the key aspects is intellectual stimulation, that we need to inspire each other through good questions like you’re asking right now to to get people thinking in different ways. And then how we spaces and that is recognizing that we’re actually autonomous, that we’re together and we’re autonomous, and it’s really, really important to honor people’s individual journeys in our organizations, that it’s not a cookie cutter approach. quote. And that’s another aspect of transformational leadership, which is one of the most well researched business models, or leadership models is individualized consideration. We need to consider people as individuals. So all these kinds of ingredients put together a healthy soup for our, for our organizations, and also for our lives. Like we can pretend that we’re not that we’re working home or separate. And that’s simply not true. If we’re checking our being at the door, when we come to work. That’s a problem. And if we’re checking our work when we come to home in terms of No, that’s a problem to where we are all our sense of time. And we do need boundaries. However, our beingness. And our ability to relate to each other is where the alchemy as in awakening ourselves, awakening our relationships and awakening our collective field. And I do think that there is we’re at a point in time where it’s very interesting, because I think many awakening organizations are feeling this sense of oneness that I haven’t seen before. Yes. Which is really, really exciting to me.

Maria Ross  21:15

It is and I know, you know, the pandemic accelerated a lot of these conversations. And, you know, I’m sure you felt this, too. I’ve shared this on the podcast before with listeners. But you know, when I was first chopping my book around to agents, they didn’t get it. They were like, I don’t understand, is it a business book? Or is it a self improvement book, and I’m like, it’s a business book. But it’s aligning our connections and our and our compassion and our humanity with our work. And actually, there’s a business case to be made for that. And so yes, sometimes, you have to convince people, the skeptics with the business case, and that’s what I did with the book. But my my sneaky goal was just to help create a more empathetic society because it you know, we talked about before we started recording, it spills over, you know, you practice at work, you make work your laboratory, your playground, because you spend the bulk of your time there. But you can’t tell me that’s not going to impact the person you are when you go home to your family and your friends, you’re not going to you’re not going to switch off that empathy. And so collectively, if we if we can say, okay, the moral arguments to be more empathetic and compassionate might not be working for everybody. So let’s figure out a way to look at at the benefits this offers, and it offers to an organization. And what I love about your work is that you are tying it to performance to excellence, to transformational leadership, not just, you know, something woowoo out there that people can embrace, but something that they can tangibly see in their organizations, if they’re willing to try if they’re willing to get curious. And they’re humble enough to say, I don’t know how this is going to go, but we’re going to try.

Catherine Bell  22:58

Well, and let’s talk about this trying, because decades ago, I’d be in the boardroom and begin with mindfulness. And I would literally be sweating, because it would be so it’s it was something nobody had heard of. And so it’s that willingness to try and to risk ourselves and to risk kind of falling flat. Or, however, if we’re aligned with the vertical dimension or with presence, we’ll always be learning something. And let’s talk about some data on relationships and organizations, because I’m really big like you are in terms of marrying all these different dimensions because it, it’s at the intersection where I think reality is, so in terms of relationships, the majority of people, right, the worst time of the day is their time with their bosses. So we have a whole bunch of boss holes. And it’s tragic for the leaders and tragic for the employees, because no leader wants to be known as a boss all and nobody wants to work for a boss. Whoa,

24:01

I love that term. That’s great.

Catherine Bell  24:04

Well, and so the invitation is like, Okay, we need to do something different in our relationships, and to try and to get vulnerable, and maybe sweat a little like I did at the beginning. I’d really literally be in a room full of men and sweating talking about let’s do a centering practice. And then we can also look at the data in terms of our organizations and the majority of businesses don’t survive past 10 years. What more do we need? We have people who are disengaged. We have people who write the worst time of their day is their time with their bosses. So that’s individual relationships, then collectively, the majority of our businesses don’t survive past 10 years. So the invitation for the work we’re doing is there. People it is needed and required to create a more compassionate, grounded world. I am very big into time it needs to be grounded. It can’t just be all woowoo no No, we need the essence, tech ideas to come to life, and how we’re working together and operating together. And that’s the only way I see. As US, the only way for us to be able to solve the challenges that we’re facing is for this more global collective consciousness in a very grounded way, come to life. And it’s all by our simple day to day interactions. And so we can’t pretend we’re gonna save the world. No, it’s like, what am I doing today? What am I doing right now to be of service to help humanity or help the planet? And or help the planet?

Maria Ross  25:39

So that brings up an interesting question, because I’ve talked to a lot of organizations where you’ll get folks that are not in leadership positions, saying, but what can I do? I’m not the CEO, I’m not the person setting the tone for the organization. And I have an answer I give them but I want to hear what your answer would be to them.

Catherine Bell  26:01

Okay, I will say it and then I want to hear yours because, okay, interested. So we’re all leaders, is what I say. And I truly believe and I think the moment we think we’re not a leader, that is the moment we aren’t of service to ourselves, actually, I believe everybody is a leader. And I also really believe that everybody should have a personal aim. So that is an intention, I believe we lead with intention, then we place our attention on our intention, and being very receptive with that, and then we action or inaction. And those three pillars are very, very important. And often people don’t have personal aims. So I’d say okay, what’s your personally, and to really focus because it elevates us when we have personal aims? And then I’d also talk about, are we coming from our weak place? Are we coming from our asleep place? And how does this play out with our self awareness? And what is our Enneagram? Type? And how does that how’s that working into it? So now, how would you respond because I want to hear what you

Maria Ross  27:06

what I often talk about, and I talked about in the book is that we all have a sphere of influence, whether it’s 10,000 people in our company, and I’m the CEO, or I’m an individual contributor, just out of college, and I work on a team of five people. And I have my family and my friends that I influence. And so by adopting the method of work that feels more compassionate to you more empathetic, that is more about connections, you create a ripple effect. So even if it’s not a decree coming from on high, from the CEO, even within a very negative culture, you can create a micro culture. Because if you operate this way, and you succeed, that’s contagious. And people will go well, wow, I really like the way Katherine operates and her how she builds relationships, and she’s killing it. She’s meeting all her goals, how does she do it, you become a model for people to go, I can succeed that way. And so it can start, it can start a groundswell, it is easier if the top leadership is modeling this behavior, recognizing this behavior, putting their money where their mouth is, in terms of the company’s actions, policies, ethics, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t influence your sphere of influence. So you don’t have to wait for that decree to come from on high. So it sounds very aligned, it sounds very much like you’re about the same thing, which is, and I love that you’re adding in this element of if even if you think your organization now it doesn’t mean you stay in an organization that’s toxic or negative, or if you’re not happy there. But it also doesn’t mean you have to give up on an organization. If you love your job, you love your team, you can create that micro culture. But what I love that you’ve added to this is, what is that intention? What is that aim, almost like a mini mission statement. For your group of five or your group of 10. You don’t have to wait for the official mission statement and purpose statement from your organization. You can create one for your team. And I love that and for yourself.

Catherine Bell  29:13

Well, and it begins with ourselves. And you I love what you just described because it kind of showed the drop of the awakened company and the ripples that you just described it so eloquently. And beautiful. And yeah, begin with our individual aim and then get a group of people. And what’s important, what I’ve learned from a lot of practical experience when creating a group vision is something that Margaret Wheatley says, which is people support what they create, so ensuring that it is a group process and learn from my mistakes. So I’ll give you I’ll tell you a story of when we started blue eye we had a team meeting and I was like okay, here’s our vision and I kind of rammed it down everybody’s throats

Maria Ross  29:57

right and I’m like Aaron was your was your staffing firm yes,

Catherine Bell  30:00

yeah was the was the was the executive search firm? Yeah, I’m a serial entrepreneur, as you know. And so then we had someone come in from Denmark because we weren’t doing. We were doing work that nobody else that we are aware of in North America was doing. So we wanted somebody else’s perspective and another VISTA, another country’s Vista, too. And the first question he asked was, What is your organization’s vision and nobody raised their hands. And that night, I freaking cried myself to sleep. I was just like, I have failed epic leadership failure, like, and so leaders don’t repeat what I did. And I realized this because I didn’t get people involved. I did not get people involved. So once we moved from that kind of individual mission, and I believe everyone should have a mission statement, or vision statement, and or an aim, depending on what you want to call it. And then if you’re going to do it with a select group of people create it together. Same with values create together, so the pillars at the organizational level that I used as energize, sustain, regenerate, and to really use those pillars to build your organization. So the waiting company is very practical, and our how to book that’s coming out. I don’t know when but when it comes out, it’s very practical. I also have, I’m going to be doing a whole partnership webinar series with Dr. Deborah Egerton. And that’s going to be amazing, because I think partnerships are the way to go in terms of the future. And this growing this, the growing of this collective consciousness, this community consciousness, I think that is the future, I think we’re moving away from our individual kind of individual egos, maybe two, how do we create healthier collective? That I really think is the future? So the next step? Yeah,

Maria Ross  31:56

yeah, we need that. Because we have, especially in the US, we’ve become such an individualistic society. And we need to move more towards the collective, and the community. And if we can, even just again, one of those things, learning these lessons at work and within our organizations will hopefully carry over. So I love I love this work that you’re doing. As we as we wrap up, I want to give people a very practical action they can take so can we discuss an empathic practice to bring us home in our bodies, again, starting from the individual, something that any listener can can keep in mind? Or can do, what are what are some thoughts you have on that.

Catherine Bell  32:39

So back to my example, yesterday of just noticing how I wanted to jump into action, so the first thing is to not to notice. And then what I do is I do a deep belly breath, because often we’re just breathing from the top part of our lungs, I feel my feet on the ground, then I feel my right hand, my right arm, my right leg, my left leg, my left arm, and then I let my body just relax. Like a body. So that body, it’s like a mini body scan. But it’s very deliberate. And you can do it in a nanosecond. And it brings you right into the present moment. So that you can operate from your three centers. So the from those three portals of empathy, and I really see them as portals of empathy. And to come from that more present place in our relating, and relationships.

Maria Ross  33:35

I love that. And just, we’ve done episodes in the past, I’ll put some links in the show notes where we’ve talked about the importance of the leadership pause. And that we can still be productive, we can still get stuff done, we can still, you know, perform at a high level. But just like, you know, recharging our phone at night, we’ve got to take that pause, we’ve got to be able to slow ourselves down enough or we can’t hear or see anybody else. They’re just a blur if we’re moving too fast,

Catherine Bell  34:06

so true. And just checking in what’s my gut telling me what’s my heart telling me what’s my head telling me? And if you get different responses, that means you’re not aligned. So don’t say anything? Yeah. Apps until you get alignment in your three centers or the three forms of empathy, to stillness, pause, nothingness, and relaxation. Because often that gives the universe time to actually respond on its own. I love that.

Maria Ross  34:41

Well, this has been such a great conversation, Catherine, thank you. We are going to have all your links linked to your organization link to your book, the link to your YouTube channel, in the show notes as well as some of the other resources we mentioned in here today, the Enneagram and Carol Dweck book and some past episodes of the empathy edge. But for folks on go or who might be listening while they’re walking or working out? Where’s where’s one or two places that folks can get in touch with you.

Catherine Bell  35:07

Instagram, awaken company and Facebook awaken company and Twitter awaken company. And we really see our social media as public service. So there’s tons of helpful hints, helpful practical hints on there. So join our social media get, you know, tell us what your impressions are, and share with us your thoughts. So, yeah, social media is the best way to connect.

Maria Ross  35:34

I love it. Thank you so much, Catherine. And thank you everyone for listening to another great episode of the empathy edge podcast. Please remember to share it with your friends or colleagues if you like what you heard, and don’t forget to rate and review if you get a chance on the podcast player of your choice. Until next time on my next amazing guest. Please remember that cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access shownotes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Dr. Michele Borba: Our Future Depends on Teaching Kids Empathy

Are children more or less empathetic than they used to be? We adults, parents or not, should care about the answer since younger generations are our future corporate, government, and civic leaders. How important is empathy to their success, and how can empathy be increased and stretched?

Today, I talk with Dr. Michele Borba about the value of empathy and why it’s crucial we teach character to our children. She shares research that empathy has been on the decline for children since 2000, and what effect the pandemic had on their empathy and resilience. But don’t lose hope: We also talk about the amazing ways young people are building empathy and changing the world. Michele shares the 7 most crucial character strengths that boost resilience, peak performance, and wellbeing – and how they work together for both children and adults.

Finally, she shares practical, evidence-based, SIMPLE ways to cultivate children’s empathy and resilience – and yes, these can work for you and your team, too!

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • We need to be more intentional about teaching our kids character and empathy, now more than ever. It doesn’t mean we need more tutors, tech, or classes, but it does require conversation and leading by example. 
  • Behavior is always changeable – be very clear about what you want to switch, then do a little bit every day to make that change and create the new habit. 
  • Our empathy goes dormant when all we see is the bad stuff. The news that you are watching and consuming does affect your emotions and your empathy levels. 

“Empathy, right now than any other trait we have, particularly in an AI world, is probably the #1 trait that’s going to help us raise mentally happy, aware parents, grownups, business people, and children.”

—  Dr. Michele Borba

About Michele Borba, Ed.D, Educational Psychologist

Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an educational psychologist and former teacher recognized for offering research-driven advice culled from a career of working with over one million parents, educators and children. A frequent Today show contributor, she is the recipient of the National Educator Award and Character.org’s 2021 Lifetime Achievement Award. Michele is the author of 25 books -her latest: UnSelfie, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, and Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine. She also appears on Dr. Phil, The View, CNN, The Doctors, Dr. Oz, and featured in numerous publications, including U.S. News & World Report, The Chicago Tribune, TIME, and The NYTimes.

References Mentioned:

The Empathy Edge podcast: Dr. Gina Baleria: Empathy in Journalism and Today’s Media Landscape

The Empathy Edge podcast: Eric Dawson: When You Ask Young People to Change the World, They Step Up and Lead

Connect with Michele Borba, Ed.D.

Website: http://micheleborba.com

Books: 

Twitter: https://twitter.com/micheleborba

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmicheleborba/

Don’t forget to download your free guide! Discover The 5 Business Benefits of Empathy: http://red-slice.com/business-benefits-empathy

Connect with Maria: 

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Twitter: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cashflow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.

Our children more or less empathetic than they used to be. We adults parents are not need to care about the answer since younger generations are our future corporate, government and civic leaders. How important is empathy to their success? And how can empathy be increased and stretched? A few months ago, I heard this force of a woman named Dr. Michele Borba on my friend Adam Dorsey’s podcast Supersite and I immediately texted him for an introduction. The shell is an educational psychologist and former teacher recognized for offering research driven advice culled from a career of working with over 1 million parents, educators and children, a frequent Today’s Show contributor. She’s the recipient of the National Educator Award, and character.org 2021 Lifetime Achievement Award. Michelle is the author of 25 books, including unselfie, The Big Book of parenting solutions, and thrivers the surprising reasons why some kids struggle and others shine. Today we talk about the value of empathy and why it’s crucial we teach character to our children. She shares research that empathy has been on the decline for children since 2000, and what effect the pandemic has on their empathy and resilience. But don’t lose hope. We also talk about the amazing ways young people are building empathy and changing the world. Michelle shares the seven most crucial character strengths that boost resilience, peak performance and well being and how they work together for both children and US adults. Finally, she shares practical evidence based simple ways to cultivate children’s empathy and resilience. And yes, these can work for you and your team to take a listen. Dr. Michelle, welcome to the empathy edge Podcast. I’m so glad we finally made this interview happen.

Dr. Michele Borba  03:38

Oh, me too. I’ve been looking forward to this for so long. So thank you. So I want to get

Maria Ross  03:44

right to it. Your work is fascinating. Your books are fascinating working on all aspects of helping children thrive and helping them be emotionally intelligent. So let’s talk very specifically about the value of empathy. And why character is crucial to teach our children because I think we think about the ABCs we think about math and the standardized tests, and all the things and I feel like there is a movement to teach children more emotional and social and character building learning. But what’s your perspective?

Dr. Michele Borba  04:15

Oh, gosh, let me count the ways and how much time do you have? I think it is probably the most crucial trade empathy right now than any other trait we have, particularly in an AI world, which is accelerated fast paced, driven, but now we have something called research to prove it. Harvard Business Review says empathy is the top leading employability factor. We’re looking at Fortune 500 companies over and over saying this is absolutely essential. I just got back from Saudi Arabia about four days ago. They were bringing me in with professors from all over the world, realizing that they could not invent something unless they made sure that their students could step into the shoes of the client or the customer. And then let’s go one step more, how about our mental health and well being seems to be at a little bit of a plummeting level these days. But we do know if we’ve learned anything from the pandemic and COVID that relationships and belonging are essential. And fact, it’s probably the number one trait that’s going to help us raise mentally happy, aware parents, grownups business people, as well as children. We just have to add it intentionally to our parenting and business plans. What I

Maria Ross  05:31

love this, and I even I even wrote in the book that I hope someday we get to a world where books like the empathy edge are not necessary, because it’s such a part of our DNA and who we are sort of like breathing, right? So I love the work that you’re doing. And I love that you’re starting with children, because they are going to be our future leaders, they are going to be our future adults, citizens, what have you. And so helping them at, you know, for us adults,

Dr. Michele Borba  05:55

all hope is not lost, as evidenced by my work, we can strengthen that muscle. But how much better is it if we’re able to create and nurture children for whom that muscle is really strong? And what I love about your work is it’s it’s identifying and, and it was thrilled to find all the research and the data around this about why it’s important, but just building that muscle. So as I spoke to one person that I interviewed for my book, it’s just part of these kids identities to be empathetic. Yeah, as long as we stretch it and strengthen it, yes, the problem that we don’t know, I think that why I wrote on selfie is that many parents didn’t realize that the majority of our children are hardwired to care. But unless we nurture that it lies dormant, also finding as a spillover effect, that empathy is actually decreasing in American youth, and narwhal narcissism is going up. So in all fairness, it means that we just need to be a little bit more intentional about it. And it does not mean that we need, oh, gosh, new tutors, fancier programs. It’s just looking at simple, proven evidence based ways to weave this into our everyday living, whether it’s as parents, whether it’s as a business people, whether it’s spouses, whether it’s partners, whether it’s grandparents. The other thing I think it’s critical is make sure it’s evidence based, I’m seeing a lot of things out there that look cute, but they’re touchy feely, and they don’t have the impact on really stretching our children’s empathy or nor ours.

Maria Ross  07:29

Yeah, and I love that. And we’re gonna, we’re going to talk about those simple ways as well, in this in this interview, I often talk about it as as going to the gym and getting in shape. Once you have the six pack abs, you can’t stop going to the gym, you can’t stop working out, you can’t stop taking care of your body. And it’s the same thing with empathy, that muscle can atrophy if it’s not nurtured and stretched, like you said. So I want to talk about something you just said, because I, I’ve seen conflicting research on both sides. And I would love your perspective, because some research says, you know, Gen Z is the most empathetic generation that we’ve had. And they’re they’re much more appreciative of diversity and different points of view and all that. And then there are other studies that show that empathy is waning in younger generations. So can you talk a little bit about that research that talks about empathy being on the decline?

Dr. Michele Borba  08:19

Yes. And it doesn’t mean that generation Z is not a wonderful caring generation. It just means the culture we’re raising them in, is taking down their empathy and their concern themselves. The work came from Sarah Conrad and Jean twing. And I love them both. Actually, what they did is they started this quite a number of years ago, like 30 years ago, when they started doing narcissism personality tests. Barry’s simple little like 10 questions to incoming college freshmen across the United States from every demographic and every zip code. We’re talking 1000s of kids, and they began to see a trend that really started to hit around the year 2000, where empathy started to go down 40% in 30 years, and narcissism I’m better than you went up 58%. And they’re realizing that it wasn’t their DNA that was making a difference. It was very often the culture, we were raising our kids so that they started to look at so what the heck happened around the year 2000. And they began to see a seismic shift in culture. It was really the year where our kids started to looking down at screens as opposed to up at each other and you don’t learn empathy from an emoji. We started to look at just the culture of character, beginning to be dormant. We’re looking at David Brooks studies that showed that even character in literature, terms like caring and kind and responsible was going down in our children’s books. And the novels we read. Well, narcissism was going up, it isn’t one thing. It’s a multitude of factors that’s creating this. Why is it and now all of a sudden, it’s a red flag for us to go. If it’s going down, then we also can take it up. So what do we do? Well,

Maria Ross  10:00

I love that. And I love that perspective of, and this idea that looking at not just talking to people and asking them, do you feel less or more empathetic than other people, but looking at all these social and media factors as well, and seeing, you know, tracing back what was going on at that time, so that I can understand how we got into this for exactly the reason you just said, so we can get out of it?

Dr. Michele Borba  10:25

Well, the thing that we also have to keep in mind is that the culture is not going to change and go back. Right, you know, Mayberry RFD is gone. So now we need to look at if the culture is definitely switching. So to our parenting on our relationship skills need to switch with it, because we are clearly in an accelerated fast paced, digitally driven world, and it’s here to stay. Therefore, what do we want, we want the human side of us all to remain. And that means we need do a little bit more work. When I wrote the unselfie, I didn’t realize the impact of all of this until I started digging and digging deeper and deeper. And I began to realize this is extremely doable. That all we need to do is weave it in and make sure we’re looking at evidence based proven simple strategies. In all fairness to a parent, it’s like, oh, my gosh, I don’t have time to do one more thing. And I realize that we’re all stressed to the max. But what I also will tell you, I don’t care if you’re in a business, or you’re in a home or you’re in a corporate world, these are very simple things. And behavior is always changeable. The key is being really intentional about what’s the one little thing you want to switch. And then every day work on that one little thing, even if it’s one, two or three minutes, make it simple, think big, start small, get your foot in the door, but keep doing the same thing over and over again, you create a new habit, then you can add the next and the next.

Maria Ross  11:48

I love that. So in thrivers, you talk about the seven most crucial character strengths that boost resilience, peak performance and well being and how they were selected. That applies to children that applies to adults or adults, we want folks to check out your book thrivers. But can you give us a little taste? Can you give us an amuse boosh on one or two of them, and why they’re so important? Well,

Dr. Michele Borba  12:09

the first thing is when I began to see I wrote thrivers, it came out, actually the month COVID hit. And I had been interviewing hundreds of kids and I began to see a trend at the CDC said that one in five American kids was going to suffer from some kind of mental health disorder, we’re now looking at one in three, a crisis only amplified a pre existing issue. So don’t go blaming COVID for it all, he was already there. My next thing does to look at what I don’t think is in enough of our parenting or our business books of what really does boost resilience. And there’s phenomenally fascinating research that looking at from me Warner just so you know, there’s real life names of these researchers for their entire life on norm Gurmeet, Z, Michael Rutter, and Madsen who had been looking at cohorts of children, despite homelessness or poverty, or sexual abuse, some do endure, some do bounce back. And they’re looking at the same kids me wonder for 40 years. And she’s looking at them as they grow up and go, Oh, my gosh, some of them did make it now the key question is the why. And what I did simply is keep looking at though, what do all of these studies have in common, and that’s what I chose seven strains, they had to all be teachable, they were not locked into DNA. And it was never too late. I don’t care if you’re 45, or you’re three, you can still teach these things to kids. It starts with confidence and knowing who you really are and what your strengths are. But the second one, in no order, by the way was empathy. It kept coming up that resilient people are socially competent, it does not mean that we have 50,000 friends, but we have the ability to connect with others. And we now know that not only here’s the other thing does that help us just boost our well being. But it also to a teacher listening helps the kid become more engaged and a deeper learner in the classroom. Number three, for a business person, that’s the exact kind of person you want to employ. Because that’s the person who is going to be able to step into your clients shoes, your customers shoes, and create this culture that’s more conducive to the workplace. And mainly you worried about mental health. Even the Surgeon General right now will tell you it is probably the most highly correlated trait of what’s going to help us all get along the happier and live a longer life. It’s empathy. 101

Maria Ross  14:32

Do you see where I lose heart is seeing what’s going on with adults that are modeling down behavior for children right now? And what’s going on in our media landscape and our political landscape? Yes. Do you have hope? Do you feel like

Dr. Michele Borba  14:48

this is like oh, yes, yes, yes. And the only reason I have hope is that I don’t listen to the adults attack to the kids at every single time. I mean, even yesterday, I was talking to two teens and I went oh my god. yourself, you’re gonna save the world. Yeah, they were they were Philadelphia, they were concerned about violence and shootings, one of their sisters had been stabbed at a school. And what they are doing as a project at their school is studying how to rectify it. And they said, we’ve listened to every one of your tapes, we’ve listened to out, read all of your books. And now we want to figure out how do we help our generation I said, you’ve already helped me because there is hope. They actually came up with solutions and ideas. Every single week, I talked to teens, they’re there, they also tell me, you know, we are the most stressed out generation. And I want to mention this, because stress has a lot to do with empathy. If stress continues to build, and you don’t have healthy ways to tune it down, what happens you dial your empathy down, to be in survival mode to help your stress. And then after a while, what happens is, the stress keeps building until burnout is the outcome can because you’ve left empathy, dormant. So notice, that’s what the other thing that’s happening across the board, the final thing is, we know something else about empathy and stress. And that is the news that we watch can really impact our view of the world and our optimism and hope for the world. Our empathy goes dormant when all you see is the bad stuff. But I always say, number one, I finally did something profound, and subscribe to a newspaper. Because all of the research was telling me if I watch the videos and the late breaking news, they’re the reason why the reporters will say, We warn you that the now it’s I like rats, and they are what they actually do is take your empathy and your optimism down your newspaper, read it because and read it with your kids expose them to the world, but it’s less graphic and less damaging to your empathy. The next thing is I always tell I don’t care if you’re again 93. Or you’re dealing with a five year old, cut out the good stuff that’s happening in the world is on the back pages of the newspaper. And it’s called good news. I talked to two teens a day or so tired of the dismal news. They convinced their superintendent, this is in Long Island to put a plasma TV as you walk in the front door. I said What the heck are you watching on TV says don’t worry about Dr. Ball are about watching Good stuff. She’s putting good news videos. So every day when we walk in, we just walk in, we look up, we put our arms around each other thumbs up, keep on going. Because it’s news about crisises. I don’t care what the crisis is. But there’s always in a crisis, the good stuff of people, and we never see the good, we only see the dismal. That’s one thing we got to do for our empathy. And it’s real simple. Watch what you view. Be selective. Middle school kids say that that late breaking news is the scariest thing that’s happening to them if there’s not an adult there to watch it. But it’s also the scariest thing that’s happening to the grown ups to Oh,

Maria Ross  17:47

completely. And I did a I did an interview with Gina Valaria that I’ll link to in the show notes where we talked about the state of journalism and the role of empathy in journalism. And that was another big part of the finding, obviously, bad news and fear drives ratings. And so that’s why you see so much of this drives eyeballs, it drives clicks. And so it’s a game for US companies. But if you are if you are more intentional and thoughtful about where what you consume, and the sources from where you consume it, yes, you actually can strengthen those ties strengthen those that that feeling of community with other people, and not feel so like, well, it’s every man for themselves or every person for themselves. Look at the thriver

Dr. Michele Borba  18:27

traits, there’s seven of them. We talked about competence, we talked about empathy. Number seven is optimism and hope. Empathy and optimism today together are real change makers. But if you’re only seeing the doom and gloom, it’s going to take your empathy down. So that’s why if you pair any of these character strengths together, you it creates what I call a multiplier effect. I always thought one trade alone was gonna do it, when I realized empathy by itself doesn’t help. But number three of the seven traits of self control, if I can find ways to reduce my stress, it’s going to keep my empathy open, that’s going to help me be healthier, as well as relate better to others. It’s always two together, Curiosity is number five. If you’ve got empathy and curiosity, you are a change maker be crazy, because it’s going to keep you open to ideas and possibilities. I always tell kids, you don’t have to agree with what the person is saying. But try to hear where they’re coming from.

Maria Ross  19:23

Right try to understand their context. Yeah, I will step into their shoes and

Dr. Michele Borba  19:27

be a little bit more aware of where they’re coming from an empathy by itself or appear in Lagos or a business person that can’t possibly agree with where he’s coming from. Right. Right. But you can do a deep canvassing, which means try to find one thing that’s common. If you are a struggling student. You want somebody to empathize with you. But the kid who’s a straight A student is not going to empathize with a struggling kid. So you did you flip it a little more and you go, Okay, well, let’s stretch that think of one moment that you did struggle, maybe it’s when you took the dance class. Or maybe you weren’t so good at art, there’s where you struggled. And that’s the same struggle that that kid is facing, but he’s facing because of his math class. Now, all of a sudden, it opens it up. And then you can do the same thing, as a business person, or as a parent, you may not be able to step into the shoes right away with that with your child, or your spouse, or your, you know, your business associate, then dig a little deeper, do a little more canvassing, try to come with one commonality and it’ll start you being able to come to grips with, I guess we’re a little more together. And with

Maria Ross  20:42

absolutely, it’s stating those obvious, common shared goals, I often talk in my workshops, when you I’m saying you’re having a contentious conversation with someone or you have to work on a project with someone who you don’t agree with. First of all, the goal of the conversation doesn’t always have to be conversion to my point of view, it can be just understanding what the other person’s context is, and say, I still don’t agree with you. But I do understand now where you’re coming from. And then you can find common ground and stating that common ground out loud, even if it’s completely obvious, we’re both here, because we don’t want to get fired tomorrow, right? Like, can we agree that we’re both on the same team, right, answer that. And so it’s those little moments of finding that commonality. That just, I feel like change the tenor of the conversation and the exchange, so that you can start to put your defenses down, and not say, I have to be right, and here’s why you’re wrong, and, you know, pushing against each other all the time. So I think that’s, you know, I spend a lot of my time busting myths within the workplace, that empathy is not agreeing with people. It’s not caving in to crazy demands. And it’s not even just being nice. That’s not the same thing as empathy. So I love what you’re saying about this idea and applying this to children. And I do want to give another shout out to a past episode, I did that I will also link in the show notes with Eric Dawson, the founder of peace first, which is a global nonprofit devoted to empowering youth changemakers, to come up with their own solutions and build their own projects in their community. And he often talks about the fact that, you know, when you’re looking for solutions to problems in the community, ask the young people, they have the ideas,

Dr. Michele Borba  22:16

because they’re all i Listen, I have ever Dawson’s work, I’ve worked with him in the past. And when we look at a thrivers. And we look at a kid who has resilience, the commonality to me when you say what that driver is a kid who has agency, he does it on his own. It’s not a kid who’s waiting for mom to rescue me or dad to do it for me. And one of the best ways you can develop agency is Be the change maker, find the project that drives you just like I was talking to the two kids last night, they were passionate about figuring out how to solve a violence in schools, because it had driven them their own sister was attack. So there’s where your purpose and your passion is. Your purpose is what also drives your confidence level. That’s number one, see, all those traits start to work together, they really do have a spillover effect. And in the end, what you have is a child who thinks we not me, because not there to say I can make a difference of the world. And there’s no better stress reducer than you go, I got this, I can do it. raves will only begin to see I can make a change.

Maria Ross  23:22

Right? I can be in control of the situation. Yeah. So that leads me and this is a great segue into the last question and one I personally am interested in as the mom to a nine year old boy, who I keep trying to get to see other perspectives and get involved and find projects, things like that. What are some, as you said, practical evidence based simple ways to cultivate children’s empathy and resilience. But we know we’re also talking about adults as well. Oh, absolutely. Let’s look at let’s look at what are a few of those. Yeah, well, the number one is

Dr. Michele Borba  23:53

what’s the gateway to empathy, and its emotional literacy. You can’t feel with somebody else unless you go, he looks sad, and she sounds frustrated and he looks upset. So the first natural thing to do not at six o’clock when you’re doing motional literacy, but weaving it in is to naturally talk feelings far more with your kids. As you watch inside out as you read a book, how would you feel if that happened to you? You start with a How would you feel? What does he What would you need? What does he do? And then you can switch that up a notch? I love Martin Hoffman’s work, because he said once you ask the How would you feel and what would you need? You take it up a notch and that is what does he need? How does he feel? What can you do and you’re now on a different level. Inductive discipline seems to be highly correlated to raising children who are more empathetic and also better behaved. Every time your child crosses over the line is your wonderful moment. I don’t care if your child has a toddler routine to say an inductive discipline is I’m really upset with that particular behavior. Behavior, not the trial, because in this house, he is Here’s what we expect, remember our rules? How would that other kids feel that you did that? So what are you going to do differently next time? Timeout doesn’t work, because you’re not talking about what are you going to do differently next time. But if you draw the empathy towards your discipline, Martin Hoffman says, from 40 years of research, you actually have a child beginning to think a little stronger and get into the shoes of the other. Here’s another one, this is York University. Read, read, and don’t stop reading to your children. Or get yourself into a literary book club, or just read good literary fiction. And I’m not talking 50 Shades of Grey, on out all the light, you cannot see our Belcanto they have found that when you adults get into the shoes of someone else, what begins to happen is your own empathy levels go up. But you can do the same thing. Ask yourself as we if you are a parent, why do you think that children love the book, wonder and Harry Potter better than any other books out there, because they’re very empathy driven. And it’s helping a child step outside his shoes into the shoes of others. Here’s another tip, there are so many tips, don’t try them all. Or your kid will never let you lead listen to another podcast. But go one step at a time that you’re more likely to empathize with those like you, my race, my gender, my age, my culture, what we’ve got to do if we want we kind of thinkers is helped stretch our kids too. If you’re reading books, and you’re you’ve got a son, and make sure that those books also have a different gender. If you have a you are Catholic, and make sure you’re exposing your kids do to Jews or Muslims step outside different food groups, different museums are wonderful, because they’re emotive, you can go to so many wonderful museums, and you can actually step into the shoes of someone, Mike, my favorite museum that every year, I’m in Washington, DC, I go to the Holocaust Museum. And I do it because one, one room that’s called Daniels row, I go to that room each time, I already know what’s going to be in it. I go there to follow kids who haven’t been through the museum and watch them physically change and what they’ve created. As for children walking through that museum, they don’t understand what it was like to be Jewish and live during the Holocaust. And so the whole museum is set up looking like it’s Daniel, he’s about your age. And here’s his room. And here’s his toys. And here’s his classmates. The first thing is, it’s quiet and you begin to go, Oh, he’s just like me, he reads the same stop, he’s got the same bed, he’s got the same thing. And now all of a sudden, you keep on walking in. Now there are signs that say no Jews allowed and you begin to go, Dan is not being treated fairly, until you go to the next room. And there’s Oh, Daniels told to pack up until at the very end, it’s quite a distance. The whole museum gets colder. This the lighting gets down. And now you’re at the Holocaust. And every single time I hear kids in front of me start to shutter, oh, my gosh, Daniel didn’t go there, Diddy, they start to hold on to each other. There’s Kleenex and the kids start to cry. And the last room is pencil and paper, write a note to Daniel. And every single time kids go, Daniel, this should never have happened. Not on my watch. It won’t happen again, Daniel, I’m there for you. And what happens is kids begin to step into something outside themselves, they begin to see a different view and they want to make a change. That’s what we need to do. I’m not saying you have to go to a museum, right. But I am saying we need to expose our kids to differences. And we need to expose ourselves to differences, right? We also finally need to be aware of the people we’re around and examples. Because one of the best ways to cultivate empathy. I learned this from looking at phenomenal research from Samuel holiner. He looked at people who are all through us. And he found three things, what creates a real owl turret? How about Christians who rescued Jews during the Holocaust? Three things they all said, I was raised to either have empathy or social responsibility. But in my home, there was always examples of it. I watched my mom or dad and they showed and demonstrated kindness or your children seeing that in you or in others. It was expected in my home that you are expected to be kind is that your expectation? Or is that expectation in your business. And third is their worst experiences. I didn’t start by trying to save a life. My parents said let’s bake some cookies for the neighbor next door. Or let’s give a quote to the man who’s homeless down the end of the street. And it was always the look in the person’s eyes of gratitude that I said I had to do it again and again. And what you do is you create a little change maker, and it’s not too late for any of us simple little things we can do to make a difference in the world.

Maria Ross  29:53

I love it. Thank you so much, Michelle, for your insights today and for spending some time with us. Talking about these valuable lessons of how to teach children empathy. But as I said, we also can learn from this ourselves. And it’s never too late to strengthen that empathy muscle, even if it’s atrophied a bit, depending on your upbringing, or your job environment, or wherever you’ve been. So, thank you so much. I hope everyone will check out the books thrivers and unselfie. I’ll have links in the show notes. I’ll have all your contact links in the show notes as well. But for anyone listening to us on the go, where’s the best place they can find out more about you and your world?

Dr. Michele Borba  30:31

Well, thank you for that my web. I’m Michele Borba. I’m a one Alma shell and my last name Bordeaux. Right. So just go to Michele borba.com. And you’ll find dozens of lengths videos and handouts that you can

Maria Ross  30:43

use. And we will have a link to that to one hour. Michelle, I love it. Thank you so much for your time today. You’re welcome. And thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard you know what to do, please rate and review and share it with a friend or a colleague. And until next time, remember that cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind.

Maria Ross  31:13

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access shownotes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cynthia Owyoung: Diversity and Inclusion Deliver Real Results. But Have We Made Progress?

The data show that diverse leadership teams and inclusive cultures deliver better performance and engagement. So why are so many diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging (DEIB) initiatives stalling out? My guest today, Cynthia Owyoung, shares where mistakes are being made and whether public pledges of anti-racism support and proposed changes to corporate culture have made a difference. We discuss what brought Cynthia to this work and how her experiences as a Chinese-American shaped her perspective. We also talk about the real-world challenges of DEI initiatives she outlines in her book, why change is hard even with good intentions, and the backlash certain company leaders have publicly had against DEI initiatives. We also explore whether the public commitments made after George Floyd’s 2020 murder have really made a difference to corporate culture.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Be the person who opens the doors to opportunities for others.
  • We are all human. Most humans are not able to compartmentalize life events from work. Leaders need to acknowledge that and not be afraid to have the tough conversations.
  • You need to keep your DEIB long-term goals in mind as you make the smaller, everyday goals. Without that, you will sabotage your DEIB goals without meaning to.

“It takes commitment and discipline. A lot of people can be committed, but they don’t necessarily follow through with the discipline to implement. That’s where it all can fall down because strategies are nothing without action.” —  Cynthia Owyoung

References Mentioned:

About Cynthia Owyoung, Founder, Breaking Glass Forums, Author of All are Welcome

Cynthia Owyoung is the author of All Are Welcome: How to Build a Real Workplace Culture of Inclusion that Delivers Results, a playbook for driving progress in Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging (DEIB) inside organizations. She has established and led DEIB initiatives for 20 years as an executive at organizations across tech, media and financial services, including Robinhood, Charles Schwab and Yahoo!. In addition, Cynthia founded Breaking Glass Forums, a boutique agency developing strategies to accelerate diverse leadership and inclusive organizations. Entrepreneur Magazine recognized Cynthia as a 100 Women of Impact in 2021.

Prior to her work in human resources, Cynthia built a decade-long career as a Brand Strategist for leading global brands and advertising agencies, developing campaigns for Microsoft, Levi Strauss, and Apple. She currently serves on the Board of Directors for AbilityPath, a nonprofit dedicated to empowering people with special needs to achieve their full potential. She earned an MBA in organizational behavior from UCLA’s Anderson School of Management, and Bachelor’s degrees in marketing, finance and psychology from UC Berkeley.

Connect with Cynthia Owyoung:

Breaking Glass Forums: https://www.breaking.glass/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/CindyOwyoung

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cowyoung/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/breakingglassforums/

Her book: All Are Welcome: How to Build a Real Workplace Culture of Inclusion that Delivers Results, available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, and Bookshop.org

Don’t forget to download your free guide! Discover The 5 Business Benefits of Empathy: http://red-slice.com/business-benefits-empathy

Connect with Maria:

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Twitter: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.

Maria Ross  01:35

The data show that diverse leadership teams and inclusive cultures deliver better performance and engagement. So why are so many diversity equity inclusion and belonging or D ay b initiatives stalling out, many companies ramped up initiatives pledging to improve hiring practices and they even hired C suite leaders to create cultures of inclusion in recent years. But have we made progress? My guest today, Cynthia Oh Jung shares where mistakes are being made. And whether public pledges of anti racism support and proposed changes to corporate culture have made a difference. Cynthia is the author of all our welcome how to build a real workplace culture of inclusion that delivers results, a playbook for driving progress in D E, IB. From the perspective of those in the trenches doing the work. She’s established and led de IB initiatives for 20 years as an executive at organizations across tech, media and financial services, including Robin Hood, Charles Schwab and Yahoo. In addition, Cynthia founded breaking glass forums, a boutique agency developing strategies to accelerate diverse leadership and inclusive organizations. Entrepreneur Magazine recognized Cynthia as a 100 Women of impact in 2021. We discuss what brought Cynthia to this work and how her own experiences as a Chinese American shaped her perspective. We also talk about the real world challenges of dei initiatives, which she outlines in the book, why change is hard, even with good intentions, and the backlash certain company leaders have publicly had against dei initiatives. We also explore whether the public commitments made after George Floyd’s 2020 murder have really made a difference in corporate culture. Such a juicy episode, take a listen. Big Welcome to Cynthia. Oh Jung, thank you so much for joining us on the empathy edge podcast today to talk about all things, diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging.

Cynthia Owyoung  03:39

I’m so happy to be here. Thank you so much for inviting me.

Maria Ross  03:42

Well, and I’ve been very eager to have this conversation with you after you came on my radar through a mutual friend. And I attended one of your breaking glass forums, summits, which was amazing to hear from leaders and women of color talking about their experiences, and, you know, attending as a silent ally, to just really listen and learn. And the conversations were amazing. So well, you know, we’ll definitely have a link to breaking glass forums in the shownotes. So other folks listening can check out the summits and the events that you put on. But first let’s talk about you, you and I share a little bond here of being you know, brand strategists, but being called to this work of all things empathy, inclusion, belonging, all the things So just quickly, tell us your story and how you got to this work.

Cynthia Owyoung  04:36

Yeah, you know, it’s both a long and personal story, but I’ll try to condense it as much as I can. I actually started my career in advertising, doing consumer research and brand strategy work. And I did that for about a decade and while it was like fun and exciting and great and use sort of my educational background and marketing and psychology I wasn’t feeling really fulfilled through that work. And after a while, it got to be like, oh, you know, I’m just selling widgets for no real purpose in making the world a better place. And I decided it was time to kind of stepped back and reevaluate what I wanted to do with my career. And that’s when I sort of reflected on the work that I felt the most engaged in and got the most sort of gratification from. And I realized it was a lot of the pro bono work that I had done. I was working on different campaigns. And so I decided I was going to go back to school, get my MBA. And you know, at the time, I thought I was going to launch a nonprofit. But in school, a couple of things happen. First, I ended up taking a diversity management course, and heard the speaker come in who had that as a job in at Toyota, actually. And I was like, Wait a second, you get paid to help people get jobs and thrive? And

Maria Ross  06:10

what does this mean? Yeah.

Cynthia Owyoung  06:14

This birth, right. And that turned me on to diversity and inclusion as a career potential. And then the second thing that happened was, I have a brother who is developmentally disabled. And he had lost his job, pretty much when I was about to get out of grad school. And I was tasked with finding him a new job, which was incredibly difficult. It actually took me almost three years to do Oh, yeah. And that experience just made me it just opened my eyes and made me think you know, what, if I need to, I could do one of two things, I could either be the person knocking on people’s doors, asking them for help for people like my brother, or I could be on the other side and open them. So that’s what I decided to do, I decided to go into diversity and inclusion, take an HR Human Resources route to that because at the time, and keep in mind, this was 20 years ago, I’m, I’ve been doing this a really long time now. But back then, while the field has evolved, incredibly, not a lot of companies were doing it back then. And so it was definitely like in the Human Resources realm, and in the world of compliance. And, you know, I decided to kind of get into it from that angle, because that was really one of the few angles you could write. And, you know, now it’s been 20 years, and I’ve hopped from, you know, tech company, to tech company to financial services to like doing my own thing. But all of it is in service to helping people no matter who they are, where they come from, be able to fulfill their own potential. Right at work. So that’s my story. I love it.

Maria Ross  08:08

I love it. Definitely, as we mentioned, before, we started recording a very similar track to where I’m, I’m being pulled as well. So thank you for sharing that. Now, you wrote a book, called All are welcome how to build a real workplace culture of inclusion that delivers results. And what I love about this is there are many of us out there talking about these concepts of Compassionate Leadership, conscious leadership, diversity, equity and inclusion, no longer trying to make the moral argument for it, at least me personally, I just realized the moral argument wasn’t working. And so I decided to build a business case based on results and performance. And I feel like that’s as sad as that is that we have to do that sometimes. Sometimes we also have to be empathetic and meet people where they are. And if that’s where they are, and that’s going to help them, you know, drink the Kool Aid. You know, in the end, it benefits everybody. And so tell us a little bit about your book, why you wrote it? And how is it different from so many of the D E IB books that are out there today?

Cynthia Owyoung  09:20

Great question. So I think that, you know, when you think about the world of, you know, corporate, right, And to your point, right, like you to get anything done in corporate, you have to have that business case, there has to be a reason why some incentive for people to want to engage in the work that they do. And that is very true for the IB. I mean, if moral arguments were enough, everyone would be doing right. And since everyone’s not we know, we have to do more. And so one of the reasons that I wrote the book was because in the 20 years that I have been doing this work, I’ve encountered so many people who are really well intentioned, right? They want to do the right thing. They know they should do it, and they want to do more, but they just don’t know how. Right they they’re worried about offending people, they’re worried about doing the wrong thing. They’re worried about, you know, spinning their wheels, and, and just, they need more guidance. And so, you know, after the events of George Floyd’s murder in 2020, it became like, there was an explosion of demand and interest in figuring this stuff out. Like we know, we have to do better, right? Everyone came to that realization at that point. But how do you do it? So I wrote the book to be a playbook for employees and leaders of companies to understand what it actually takes and how to implement a plan to drive progress in diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging. And I think the the reason that this is a little bit different than a lot of the books out there is because it’s written from the point of view of a practitioner on the inside. You know, there’s a lot of consultants out there who do this work. And what’s wonderful about Consultants is that they can give you that outside in perspective, they can give you best practices and expertise, but oftentimes they don’t get to implement. And when you implement, you run into issues and systems and processes and budget things and like lots of problems that you have to solve to actually get to the outcome that you want. And, you know, necessarily anticipate and so this book gives you that internal perspective of trying to anticipate those things before you actually have to deal with.

Maria Ross  12:03

I love it. Well, I mean, it’s like, it’s like reading a book about skiing, versus getting on the slopes and going skiing, and realizing all the things you’re gonna run into, right. So I, I want to just pick up a thread from there, because there was a big push after the George Floyd murder. That, you know, sadly, there have been so many murders like that the country has overlooked. And there’s been different theories about that of like, well, it was during the pandemic during lockdown. And so it got a lot of focused attention. And because there was video and but there was a big push by a lot of companies and brands to say, we are really going to double down and commit to this. Do you think that’s lasted? Or do you think that the appetite has waned? since then?

Cynthia Owyoung  12:48

And I think that the intention is still there. And you know, in the first couple of years, you saw a lot of companies put in more resources, right, invest in hiring people to do this full time on their teams invest in black owned businesses invest in, you know, putting more capital towards racial justice initiatives and things like that. And that’s progress. Right. But I would have to say that, especially right now, in this moment, with we were almost, you know, we’re more than two and a half years out from that moment. And, you know, we’re across a lot of industries, we’re facing an economic downturn, and there’s layoffs happening across so many companies, and you see leaders having to really tighten their budgets. And because of that, I think they’re having to prioritize, you know, what other things inside their businesses. And that means, you know, when you’ve got a very small pie, right, and that pie is already starting to shrink, then a lot of initiatives in the D EIB realm are going to be under invested compared to the levels they were a few years ago.

Maria Ross  14:13

Yeah. And I’ve even you know, as of this recording, I know, I’ve read articles about the fact that even though there was so much hiring for Dei, full time practitioners in the last two years, there’s also been a huge percentage of those jobs that have been cut, as companies have made those prioritization decisions. And so, you know, I’m wondering, do you think some of the things that were put in place around that time and I’m not talking about the surface things like all the social memes and all that kind of stuff, but do you think that those those big company promises, those pledges, those initiatives they were able to put in place? Do you think they’ve made a difference?

Cynthia Owyoung  14:55

I do, I do not as much of a difference rinse as I think everyone would have liked, though, but I do think that you know, things like companies like Netflix that funnels $100 million to black owned banks, right? Like, that’s a big deal for them. That is something that is going to make a difference. You have companies like indeed, holding, you know, diverting some of their capital to support bipoc filmmakers, right? To expand more jobs in Hollywood, for people from different backgrounds, right. So like, that makes a difference. But does it move the needle necessarily, you know, the the 10%, or more that we’d all love to see in terms of representation in those industries, and, you know, across those different channels that they’re touching? I don’t think they necessarily are. And I don’t think that that can happen, frankly, without a broad cross industry coalition that’s all driving towards the same thing, as opposed to optimizing just for my company or just for my audience.

Maria Ross  16:07

Yeah, it’s about creating that groundswell. So that becomes the norm, rather than the exception. You know, you’re citing all these things that aren’t, you know, are wonderful, but unfortunately, are the exceptions to what’s happening on a day to day basis with these companies. And I’m wondering what your thoughts are about the companies that have backlash against their employees Dei, grassroots efforts, companies, like last year, coin base, and base camp where they outright don’t, you know, got rid of those groups and said, This is not the place we need to get to work. We need to not be having these these quote unquote, political conversations. You know, everyone thought that that was going to be a huge pendulum swing as a backlash. Do you think that it has? Or do you think that those companies have actually been hurt by the fact that they made those decisions? And I know, you don’t, you can’t speak directly to what those company’s performance has been. But do you think that that’s becoming more common? Or do you think that that was an anomaly?

Cynthia Owyoung  17:09

You know, I think that that’s always been actually there’s, there’s always going to be like a set of companies across the spectrum of like, we really believe in this stuff. We want to champion it. We want to drive change, like maybe the Netflix’s of the world or two companies that are just like, you know, what, this is all outside of us just trying to do our business. Right? We don’t want to dedicate any time or energy to this posits feels irrelevant to us. And I think you know, and of course, I’m biased, right? Because I think that’s a mistake. Right? That that’s not acknowledging that we’re all human beings. And as human beings, most of us aren’t really able to compartmentalize to the extent of if, you know, I am experiencing trauma, because I saw the latest news report about somebody in the Latino next community, you know, being shot in my neighborhood, like, I’m, I’m not going to be able to operate at my best when I go to work the next day. Right, right. And I think leaders need to acknowledge that, and, and honestly, not be afraid of sort of having the conversation in this space, I think, I think leaders who, who try to paint this, as you know, it’s a political conversation. And therefore, that’s not something that we want to engage in, are seeing the point, I think it’s you know, about having a human conversation, right? being empathetic to each other, as people who bring all of these, you know, the context that they’re in with them to work like you don’t just sort of leave it? Well,

Maria Ross  18:59

that’s I always say that you don’t park your humanity at the Office Store, when you go to work. And so if you really care about productivity and performance, then you actually should care about this. I think a lot of it is also driven by fear, because these leaders are, like you said, they think they’re going to do the wrong thing. Or they fear they’re going to be seen, you know, their own, their own biases, and whatever are going to be brought to light. They don’t even want to go there. They don’t even want to examine their own ways of thinking and their own biases that they might have. And so they don’t want anybody to, and I think there is a lot of fear. And, you know, it’s so interesting what you said about like, I don’t think it’s political. It’s human because I did an interview with at the time he was CMO of Ethan Allen, Rodney Hutton, about two years ago. And he is a black, very senior executive at Ethan Allen and they made public statements after the George Floyd murders, which in hindsight, seems like Oh, of course, everybody did. They were one of the early He wants to come out and talk about it. And he said, You know, I had the conversation with the CEO. And it wasn’t really a tough sell to say that we were going to do this. And we knew we were risking customers, we knew we might be risking offending people. But it was a risk we were willing to take because we didn’t think it was a political issue, we felt it was a human issue. We weren’t taking a political stance, we were taking a human stance. And I think the companies that get that are going to win long term, they’re going to win not only with employee loyalty and performance, but customer loyalty. And so I want to pivot to that, because, you know, there is so much data out there, right? Like I’ve, I’ve found the data for my book, I know, you’ve found the data for your work, that diverse leadership teams and organizations deliver better performance, and on many different vectors. And also, if you look at, you know, related vectors of engagement, and loyalty and morale, right, so why do so many dei initiatives still continue to stall out for organizations?

Cynthia Owyoung  21:07

You know, because it takes commitment and discipline. But you know, a lot of people can be committed, but they don’t necessarily follow through with the discipline to implement. And that’s where it all can fall down really easily. Because, you know, strategies are nothing without action. Right? And honestly, what a lot of the EIB work asks of us is to do things in a different way, not the way that we’ve always done them in the past. And we all know, like human beings, like we don’t like to change, change is hard. And what we’re asking people to do is change. And so you know, there’s that sense of like inertia, that that prevents a lot of people from actually doing that follow through, right. So I’ll give you a really good example. That happens all the time in hiring, right? We know from lots of really good scientific studies out there, that part of what hiring, what we have to do in hiring is to pull out as much bias from the process as possible, right to be able to ensure that it’s, you’re actually hiring the most qualified applicants, right. And yet, so often, you see people who who go through the the effort of creating a very structured and disciplined process. And then when they’re actually trying to hire because of lots of various outside influences, right, maybe they’re under pressure to deliver on a product deadline. And you know, that it’s taking too long to interview candidates, right? Or maybe, you know, somebody came to them referred by a really good friend, so you know, they’re good. And, you know, you’ll find a whole host of excuses and reasons not to follow this very disciplined process. And then you’ll get to the outcome of you know, I just hired somebody who looks like me. And typically, that’s me being the white male, majority able bodied straight person. And so we we’re not being disciplined about following our own commitments, our own processes, right, even when it when we’re under pressure to do otherwise, right. That’s the thing that we have to do not just across hiring, but across how we promote how we develop products, you know, we actually do have to trade off either time, effort, or budget for equity, in a lot of cases. And that’s a hard equation for a lot of people that follow.

Maria Ross  23:56

Okay, I love everything you just said, and it brings to mind another episode with a guest, Melina Palmer, who I had on a few months ago who had written a book called what your employees want, or need, but can’t tell you. And it’s all about, she’s a student of behavioral economics and a teacher of behavioral economics. Behavioral economics is all about the way our brains actually make decisions. Economics is about like a rational process for making decisions. But behavioral economics is what really happens in the brain. And she talks a lot about the fact that the reason change is hard. And I 100% agree with her as a former change management consultant is because we’ve got our conscious brain and our unconscious brain. And the goal of our brain is to move as much into the unconscious brain as possible so that it doesn’t have to expend itself. And the scenario you were just describing. There’s so many points in that process where it requires additional labor. And just one example is like when you think about talent, pipeline, and recruiting pipeline, well, we’ve always gone to these schools and we’ve always gone to these sources to yet new candidates, wow, de IB initiatives are requiring me to think of something different, and go somewhere else and make new relationships with new schools and new recruitment agencies. And that’s a lot of work. And I want to get home in time to take my kid to his baseball game, right? So it’s just so interesting, because I think this is the thing we rationally know what we need to do. But when our lazy brain kicks in, it’s oh, this is gonna be so much easier if I just do it the way it’s always been done. And maybe next time around when I have more time, we’ll do it.

Cynthia Owyoung  25:34

Yes. Yes. It’s always about, you know, like, what can what is going to work for me right now? Right, as opposed to seeing how all of these small short term decisions really start to add up. And if you don’t have that long term goal in mind, right, and you’re not making decisions that are incremental towards that long term goal, then you’re going to screw yourself over what we’re really trying

Maria Ross  26:04

to do. There’s no nicer way to say that. Yeah. Well, I think also, you know, what I, what I’m encountering, as I get more into this work, and one at learning more, and the learning more is making me want to do more, is you become sort of seen as this activist or radical by other people sort of going through the motions. And not all of us. And I don’t say this, condescendingly because I am that person, too. I’m just on my journey, right? Not all of us are built to be activists. And not all of us are built to just be willing to fight the fights to make change happen, some of us are just trying to go along to get along. And so it’s even a struggle, like I have found where I find I’m having conversations with people, and some of them get it. And they’re the ones that light me up and excite me and motivate me and inspire me to want to do more work. And then you have these other conversations where people just think you’re crazy. They’re just like, why would you make things so hard for yourself? Or, you know, well, that’s great, but that’s somebody else’s issue, or, you know, I’m thinking of like, my son’s school, for example, like, we’re all fine, we have a diverse, diverse student body, and everything’s fine. Like, we don’t have to do more, there’s no problem that needs to be solved. And so it’s even hard when you’re in the position of, of wanting to make the change, when you’re surrounded by people who I don’t know, if they don’t see the depth of it, of the issue. Or if they’re not as moved by it, or like I said, they just are trying to like live their lives and make themselves as comfortable as possible. And so that’s a friction there, I think for a lot of people. And I’m wondering if you’ve seen that in your work, where I know, I’m asking you a row question here. But, you know, have you seen your relationships change with the colleagues or the friends that you surround yourself with? Because of the work that you’re doing? Has that changed the dynamic of the way that you interact with people before? You know, when you are in your brand strategy world? I know, it’s a very personal question, but I’m just a you don’t have to name names, but I’m just curious if that has been part of your journey.

Cynthia Owyoung  28:06

Most definitely. Thank God. You know, and when I was in my brand, marketing roles, this, this was not a word I thought about internally, like in the teams that I was working within, right. It was definitely something that I remember thinking about from an audience perspective, right? Because you have to I mean, in marketing, you have empathy is the key. Yeah, exactly. Understand your audience know, what they want, where they are, and how to reach them. Right. That’s the key. And so I really sort of took that more into like, the employee context by going this going the HR route, but you know, once I made that, that shift into this doing the work this way, then you really start to notice, like, who cares about it? And who does it? Right? Because you see who’s what leaders are actually taking action? Who’s a silent in the room when you talk about this as a topic? And who really engages with you? And I definitely recognize, again, that you know, every, you’re gonna meet people across the entire spectrum. And, you know, they, I respect people’s choices, and I respect their beliefs in Nigeria, but I expect the same respect in return. Yeah, right. Yeah. And so if you’re not going to be an activist, that is your choice, and that is okay. Right. But don’t stand in the way of progress. At the very least,

Maria Ross  29:52

I love it. I love it. And I’m, I’m curious you know, if you identify as Asian American, do you identify as Korean American or Japanese American, I’m so sorry. I’m not sure what background you are. But I’m wondering if that if that influenced your perspective on this work? I’m thinking that it probably did.

Cynthia Owyoung  30:11

Yes, yes, you’re right on. And please never apologize for asking the question.

Maria Ross  30:17

I probably should have asked you before how you identify, but see, we’re learning. We’re all learning. Yes. We’re

Cynthia Owyoung  30:22

all learning, I actually identify as Chinese American, maybe American, from China, southern China. I’m a first generation born in America. Yeah. And that really does inform a lot of the work that I do and why another big reason why I ended up in diversity, equity, inclusion, belonging, or because growing up in, you know, my parents have very traditional Chinese cultural values. And a lot of American us values run counter to what my parents were trying to teach me. And so I’ve always felt like I’ve been navigating this line of one foot two worlds. Yeah. And never really feeling like I fit in either. And it didn’t help when, you know, I grew up in San Francisco, and I grew up in a neighborhood that was primarily black people. And so I identify really strongly with the black community because of that. But, you know, when, when I was probably in, when I hit high school, I started to realize that I wasn’t one of them.

Maria Ross  31:33

And then you’re like, Where do I belong? Yes, yeah. Because you’re like, I’m not quite I mean, I not as close to I’m the granddaughter of immigrants from Italy. But I always felt that push pull of like the Old World and the New World, because my parents were a lot older when they had me. So they were the first generation but from like, the 1930s, right. And so there was always that, like, I’m a little bit different from every group that I’m trying to identify with. I’m not 100% Italian. I’m not even 100%, like, first generation immigrant. But I’m not people don’t see me as American, they see me as ethnic, you know. And so it’s very hard. And then we’re recreating those environments in a workplace, where people are expected to perform at their best. Yes. So it’s the same dynamic as when you’re seven year old and you don’t know who you’re supposed to be. And then now you layer that in with now there’s expectations on your performance.

Cynthia Owyoung  32:29

That’s right. And there’s power differentials, yes, that you have to navigate as well. So, you know, I think you know, who I am that background, that culture that I come from, it really has informed a lot of why I do this work, but also how I approach it, because I recognize that, that there are, you know, you can’t always be the person marching in the streets and pounding on the table. And if you look back on Asian American history, particularly Chinese American history, and you know, back to the days of the the Chinese Exclusion Act that limited the number of immigrants that could come to the US and the racism that we faced, right, and back then and still do, because of COVID. You start you understand that, you know, a lot of our activism back then was through the legal court system, right, where we, we work to change laws that prevented that created exclusion, right, than an inclusion. And so there’s just there’s so many different ways to tackle it. I think there are all needed frame. We need to have people working at all different levels to be able to drive change in in all different sectors. Right? This isn’t something that I don’t think anybody can expect just corporate America to lead the charge on even though

Maria Ross  33:52

no, because it’s a societal challenge that we face as well, as we’ve seen the last few years. I mean, we’re, you know, some days, it feels like we’re getting we’re going backwards. And it’s scary. And it’s figuring out, like, I think you said it really well, you can’t kind of fight this battle on one front, we sort of got to have a multi pronged approach to dealing with it. And that’s like, for me with with the empathy work it. I liked the data, I liked being able to show the data and to make a business case for it. And that’s what I’m excited about. For Dei. And you know, I mentioned this to someone I interviewed recently. I don’t really care how people get to it as long as they get to it, whatever, helps persuade because I think once they see, they can’t unsee so even if they’re, you know, I’ve always talked about empathy, for example of like, if you’re a company and you’re trying to act and create an empathetic culture because it’ll give you good PR. Great. You’ll be transformed from the inside out, because you will actually be in the room with people you never would have been in the room with, except for the fact that you were kind of going at it for selfish motives. And I feel like maybe this is kind of controversial. I know it was in terms of how people reacted to my TEDx talk about it, saying that it was like, Oh, you’re just convincing leaders to be more horrible by being fake. And it’s like, no, it’s not about being fake. It’s about actually being empathetic to meeting people wherever they are. And if what they need to feel safe enough to embark on this journey is data and research and KPIs. And that’s like, we’ve got that for you. So it’s kind of nice. And I feel like your work is very similar,

Cynthia Owyoung  35:40

very similar. And, you know, I love what you’re talking about from the empathy and data perspective. Because, you know, I think that’s a lot of what we’re the D Id work has actually evolved to where it used to be a lot of people just saw it as like a warm, fuzzy morally right thing to do. You know, we what we’re seeing in more recent years is that there’s a heavier usage of data, to drive strategy to understand where bias can be impacting how we, how we work, right, and who gets in and who doesn’t, right, and things like that. And so definitely, like needing to look at your data and understand what it’s telling you where you have gaps. And that might be where you end up prioritizing is so necessary to be able to actually drive progress. But you have to pair that, like it can’t be its own thing. It has to be paired with empathy, with perspective taking with proximity to different perspectives, right, and the curiosity to want to understand that, yes, though, that is going to be the key to being able to open people’s eyes and their lenses up. So that you know what, maybe people’s experiences are different from why.

Maria Ross  37:04

And they’re not better or worse. They’re just different. They’re just different, just a different approach. And

Cynthia Owyoung  37:09

they’re just as valid. Yes. Right. And so I should probably think about, like, how do I actually honor that perspective in the way that I would want my own perspective honored by other people?

Maria Ross  37:25

So as we wrap up today, Cynthia, I would love to leave on Well, hopefully a hopeful note. But what do you think will be the most important issue for the future of diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging initiatives? I

Cynthia Owyoung  37:41

think that getting to equity is the future. Right? I think we’ve gone through the diversity piece around representation we were we’ve really focused in more recent years around inclusion and belonging,

Maria Ross  37:55

if you want it, you want to keep those people. So just hiring them is not enough and hiring them into an environment where they don’t feel safe or seen or valued, is not going to do anyone any good. Right.

Cynthia Owyoung  38:06

Exactly, exactly. And so I think the next sort of piece to that is, is how do you actually do all of that with equity as the outcome? Right. And I think that, you know, when, when we think about sort of the future of work today, especially in the wake of COVID, where where everyone had to work remotely. And you know, now you’re experiencing a lot of companies trying to bring people back into the office, and what does that mean? And if I have a hybrid work, force, kind of plan, how do I maintain equity across, you know, people who are in the office versus people who are not? Right, you know, and I think that that is a really hard challenge for for companies. And is, you know, you see some companies, companies like Dropbox, actually tackling that in a really different way, just reimagining how they work, and all the work processes and all the tools that they use, and redefining their policies, so that people can have a more equitable experience no matter where they are. Yeah, right. Yeah. And then you see other companies that are kind of going backwards, like, you know, the Goldman Sachs of the world. Just like everybody just needs to be in the office.

Maria Ross  39:25

The Twitter’s of the world. Yeah. Yeah, well, and also, you know, the hybrid work environments forced on us by the pandemic actually benefited many groups of people in different ways, people that were taking care of elderly parents, people that were introverts people that were neurodiverse and couldn’t concentrate in a large chaotic office. And so that’s also that part of diversity, equity and inclusion, which is these these unseen things that people are dealing with, and creating an environment Again, where those people can do their best work and thrive is really the ultimate goal for everybody, like those people want to perform just as much as their employers want them to perform.

Cynthia Owyoung  40:10

That’s exactly right. And we have evidence to that says all of that, right and supports all of that, that, you know, when people move to the more remote work model, more people with disabilities were employed, the unemployment rate for people with disabilities went down. And now we’re going back, we can see it rising again. Right. So it’s like people, like you know what it takes? Right, right. I’ve already done it. Right.

Maria Ross  40:39

So what else I know? Well, like, I think it goes back to what we were saying is like, change is hard. And some people were making change, because they thought it was temporary. And that was the only reason they were resilient. You know, we talked a lot about resilience in the last few years. But they weren’t really resilient, they were just waiting to bounce back. In terms of the way they used to do things, that they were just biding their time. Cynthia, this has been such a great conversation, and I’m gonna put links to your book, obviously, just for folks, again, it’s all our welcome how to build a real workplace culture of inclusion that delivers results available on all the places that you get books, and I will have all the links in the show notes. I’m also gonna put links to some of the episodes that I referenced today in our talk. But this has just been such a joy to connect with you and the work that you do. And I feel like I’ve made a new friend today. So thank you, for folks on the go, even though again, all your links will be in the show notes, where’s the best place they can stay in touch with you or find out more about your work?

Cynthia Owyoung  41:41

They can definitely connect with me on LinkedIn. So look for that. I’m also still on Twitter for the time being at Cindy. Oh, Yang,

Maria Ross  41:51

as of this recording, you are still on Twitter. Me too.

Cynthia Owyoung  41:55

And I do these weekly jams, which are audio snippets are amazing.

Maria Ross  42:01

Your weekly jams are awesome. Thank you. Do you only promote those through LinkedIn? Or are they promoted and your other social channels as well

Cynthia Owyoung  42:08

in Facebook and Twitter as well? Awesome.

Maria Ross  42:12

Thank you so much for your time today.

Cynthia Owyoung  42:14

Thank you so much for having me. It’s been a wonderful conversation. I am I’ve been my cup has been filled today.

Maria Ross  42:22

Wonderful. And thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. As always, please share it with a client or a colleague or a friend. And until next time with our next wonderful guest. Please always remember that kashflow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind.

Maria Ross  42:48

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

April Hot Take: How to Engage Your Dream Customers With Empathy

Porsche and Honda both make cars. They do NOT have the same brand story. They are not selling to the same people. Customers buy from them for very different reasons – not simply “because I need a car.” Your business, no matter what industry you are in, needs to understand this.

People often ask me, “How the heck did you, as a brand strategist, come to now be an empathy advocate, author, and speaker?” And I tell them the truth: Empathy has been the success secret of my marketing career.

Marketers get this. You can’t influence or persuade someone – or build right-fit offerings for them – if you don’t understand them. You must peek into their lives, see things how they see them, and ensure your solutions meet those needs, address those goals, and fulfill those aspirations. Or quite frankly, they should not be doing business with you.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Your messaging needs to be about more than just the product. Your brand story should connect and engage with your audience.
  • Research proves we often make decisions with subconscious emotion, then justify them with logic.
  • Good marketing is not sleazy – when done right and genuinely with offering value as the intention, it’s a way to let people who need you the most find you.

“Empathy in marketing is understanding the goals, desires, fears, values, and needs of your ideal audience and creating products and services that speak to them.” —  Maria Ross

Episode References:

My new course! Brand Story Breakthrough

Branding Basics for Small Business, 2nd Edition (2014)

Nike If You Let Me Play Ad

Just one of many Subaru ads I love!

The Empathy Edge with Melina Palmer: Why Your Customers Can’t Tell You What They Want

Don’t forget to download your free guide! Discover The 5 Business Benefits of Empathy: http://red-slice.com/business-benefits-empathy

Connect with Maria:

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Twitter: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.

Maria Ross  00:49

A small business owner asked me the other day, what do you mean by brand story? Is that website copy? I said, Yes, sort of. But it’s bigger than that. It’s not just one sentence, but it’s also the vibe and value promise of your business. Your brand story is not simply what you sell. It’s your purpose and what you believe how you’re different, what value your offerings ultimately give to a buyer, portion, Honda both make cars, they do not have the same brand story. They’re not selling to the same people, customers buy from them for very different reasons. Not simply because I need a car, your business, your organization, your cause, no matter what industry you’re in, needs to understand this. People often ask me, How the heck did you as a brand strategist, come to now be an empathy advocate, author and speaker, and I tell them the truth. Empathy has been the success secret of my marketing career. And marketers get this, you can’t influence or persuade someone or build right fit offerings for them. If you don’t understand them, you must peek into their lives, see things how they see them, and ensure your solutions meet those needs, address those goals and fulfill those aspirations. or quite frankly, they shouldn’t be doing business with you. Sometimes empathy gets a bad rap when used by marketers or sociopaths to manipulate if it’s used in that way. That’s just lazy marketing. In my book marketing should be about elevating the truth of your story. So the right people can find you and achieve their goals or solve their problems. Empathy has always been the key to successful advertising. You’ve seen it, it’s never about the product is it? Subaru showcases its cars as dirty and beat up in some of their ads to show they understand the desired lifestyle of their ideal customers. They want cars to take into the woods on adventures or transport their dog from the beach. And in some ads, they want a safe car that withstands an accident keeps your kids safe in a crash and can be reliable enough to hand down to future generations. Okay, a 1995 Nike campaign that’s always stuck with me, which I mentioned in my first book, branding basics for small business was called if you let me play, and I’ll link to it in the show notes. The ads showed bright eyed young girls playing sports. And each intern said, if you let me play sports, I will like myself more, I will have more self confidence, I will be 60% less likely to get breast cancer, I will suffer less depression, I will be more likely to leave a man who beats me, I will be less likely to get pregnant, I will learn what it means to be strong. If you let me play sports, I’m actually tearing up just reading this to you right now. This ad was not just about the features of their shoes or athletic clothing. It was about empowerment, about safety about strong mental health for girls. They got me as a just out of college woman back then they knew exactly what engaged and connected with me. They knew who I wanted to be and what I wanted to stand for. And they likely grabbed loads of parents who felt exactly the same way. That’s empathy and marketing, understanding the goals, desires, fears, values and needs of your ideal audience and creating products and services that speak to them. But one step further. A good marketer or a good business owner has to be able to communicate that in their marketing and sales copy, in their ads in their everything. And that’s where brand story comes in. Many business owners and even marketers can speak eloquently about the features of their products, but they might not be as connected to the story they can share that will inspire, engage and influence their ideal customers to join their community and stay loyal to the brand. Sometimes this is because we get so caught up in jargon. We don’t speak in the way our customers actually talk. Yes, I’m talking to you tech companies, which is the cornerstone of empathetic marketing sometimes times they think customers want to hear only the facts. When research proves that we often make purchase decisions because of emotion, but justify that decision with logic. Yes, even our most skeptical data driven buyers do this because Hello, we’re all human. Don’t believe me? Check out my past episodes with behavioral economist, Melina Palmer on all the research proving we don’t buy for the reasons our conscious brains tell us we do. We respond to other cues we’re not even aware of. I’ll put a link in the show notes for you. But what to say and your brand’s story right how to say it? How do we even know what our ideal customers really want and need? Well, as some of you know, I have shifted from pure brand consulting to focusing on empathy as a competitive advantage to help leaders teams and brands. I’m out speaking doing workshops, keynotes, etc. But this year, I’m unveiling what I hope will be a signature course to help marketers, business owners and even agency professionals such as PR and design experts who need to help their clients nail their brand story and may not have a good process. On May 1, I will kick off brand story break through a digital course you can take in five weeks, along with weekly live coaching with me for feedback and guidance. This is my way to help people at scale, uncover the magic of their brand story, and build all the tools for their messaging toolkit, so they can attract their perfect customers stand out and grow their revenue and impact and the root of the entire course on process. You guessed it, empathy. Empathy is too often what’s missing from messaging. I actually had a corporate client once a VP who sincerely disrespected their target client base, calling them arrogant, entitled and not interested in the data. You cannot successfully market your offerings to those who need it, if you despise or disrespect them. Sorry, not sorry. Together, I’ll show you how to understand yourself your vision, goals and values. Understand your ideal customers through easy research and interviewing and craft a brand story that marries you and your different with them and their needs to instantly connect and engage. When you finally nail your brand’s story with empathy, three magic things happen. Number one, clients believe in you they see themselves achieving their goals with your offerings. Number two, they subscribe to your community and become raving fans. And number three, they hire and buy from you and tell their friends. If you’re struggling to get attention from right fit customers, you know you can impact because you know you’re delivering something valuable. I would love love love to help. So please check out the details at red dash slice.com forward slash brand dash breakthrough dash course. The link will of course be in the show notes and sign up before April 28th. And if you sign up before April 15. Just use code earlybird to save $50 Let me guide you through everything you need to know to research uncover and articulate your unique brand story and connect and engage with the people who matter most PS this process works whether you sell products or services b2b or b2c, nonprofit or for profit, because it’s about flexing your empathy muscle and communicating in a way that resonates with the right people and ignites them into action. Not to lie to them, not to deceive, but to connect with them in a genuine and value driven way. And whether you work with me or not, or take this course or not. Please take a look at the free video masterclass on that page. To get some great tips on how to nail your brand story with empathy, you’ll get a lot out of it. Bottom line, we’re all human. And if your mission is to have an impact and offer genuine value to customers or clients, you deserve to reach them and they deserve to know you exist for them. Marketing, good marketing is not sleazy. It’s a way for you to let the people who need you the most find you. So get excited to share your story. If not you than who chat GPT can only get you so far. First, you have to emotionally connect with the people you serve. I really hope you’ll check it out if you’re at all interested in crafting a brand story that connects and engages and as I said this works for for profits. This works for nonprofits. This works for someone just trying to connect and engage with people for a cause or a project. So check it out, check out the free video on that page. And I hope you enjoyed today’s podcast until next time, please remember that cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind.

Maria Ross  09:59

For more on How to Achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access shownotes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Renée Freeman: Coaching Leaders to Embrace Inclusion

You’re an executive who believes strongly in creating a diverse, equitable, and inclusive workplace. Now what? Many executives fear taking action in this space because they are afraid to fail in public. My guest today is Renée Freeman, Principal and founder of Freeman Consulting, a DEIB expert who coaches executives on fostering a nuanced understanding of the importance and value of inclusivity and belonging in the workplace.  Renée conducts workshops, focus groups, and listening sessions for local and global organizations. Today we talk about effective frameworks for DEIB, visible and invisible diversity, what are microaggressions, and the difference between leadership and management when it comes to people.

 To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Race is a social construct. You do not know what race somebody identifies as until you have a conversation and they choose to tell you their identity. The same goes for neurodiversity.
  • The brain has both judgments and curiosities, but it cannot do both at the same time. We need to be mindful and aware of the questions we are asking, the biases we have, and the assumptions we are making.
  • When you are in communication, there are more nuances than just the words being said. What is being verbalized is important, but how those words are landing with the other person is equally as important.

“Shame and blame is not an access point to belonging. If what we’re trying to create inside an organization is belonging and innovation, and all those yummy things that come from inclusivity,  being able to create a space where folks can process is important.” —  Renée Freeman

About Renée A. Freeman, Principal & Chief Diversity Officer

Freeman Consulting & Associates provides cultural competency coaching for executives. It also conducts workshops, focus groups, and listening sessions for local and global organizations. The company’s purpose is to help its clients foster a nuanced understanding of the importance and value of inclusivity and belonging in the workplace.

Renée A. Freeman is the Principal and Owner of Freeman Consulting. Before forming the company, she spent more than a decade working for IKEA and other global and multinational organizations. She is a Pepperdine University Master of Science in Organization Development alum and serves as Executive Co-Chair of the MSOD Alumni Council. She is an expert in various group dynamic methodologies, including Future Search, and is MBTI and Human Subjects Training certified.

Connect with Renée A. Freeman:

Website: https://www.freemanca.com

Personal LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reneeafreeman/

Company LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/freemanca/

Additional References:

Don’t forget to download your free guide! Discover The 5 Business Benefits of Empathy: http://red-slice.com/business-benefits-empathy

Connect with Maria:

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Twitter: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.

You’re an executive who believes strongly in creating a diverse, equitable and inclusive workplace. Now what many executives fear taking action in this space because they’re afraid to fail in public. My guest today is Renee Freeman, principal and founder of Freeman consulting, a diversity equity inclusion and belonging expert or D IB, who coaches executives on fostering a nuanced understanding of the importance and value of inclusivity and belonging in the workplace. Renee conducts workshops focus groups and listening sessions for local and global organizations. And today, we talk about effective frameworks for D E IB in your organization. We discuss visible and invisible diversity, what are micro aggressions, and the difference between leadership and management when it comes to people. Before forming the company Rene spent more than a decade working for IKEA and other global and multinational organizations. She’s among a select group of professional facilitators used by the Museum of Tolerance to address highly publicized anti semitism incidents, and viral acts of online hate and bias. She’s a Pepperdine University Master of Science and organization development alum and serves as executive co chair of the ms o d Alumni Council. Renee is also an expert in various group dynamic methodologies, which serves her well in her work, and is MBTI and human subjects training certified. If the topic of diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging strikes a little fear in your heart, in terms of how to apply it to your everyday work, this episode is for you.

Maria Ross  01:54

Welcome, Rene Freeman to the empathy edge podcast, we’ve been actually talking for a half hour before we started recording. But we definitely need to have a real live coffee date sometime.

Renee Freeman  02:05

I’m up for that. Good.

Maria Ross  02:08

It is so great to have you on and to talk to us a little bit about your work in dei be and and what you’ve seen from executives that you’ve worked with, especially. Before we start, can you tell us a little bit about your story. And what brought you to this work?

Renee Freeman  02:28

Absolutely. And just before I start just for those who can’t see me, let me just describe what I look like. So I am a five foot four woman as somewhat medium build. I have a burgundy sweater on. I have a short cropped hair I self identify as African American. And I’m sitting here in Southern California. I work for premium consulting. And I’ll talk about that a little bit in just a moment. But I do want to do a land acknowledgement. And so I am sitting here in the Los Angeles area on an succeeded unseeded land of a Tonga. That’s a little bit about me.

Maria Ross  03:04

Thank you. And so how, what brought you to this work? You’ve been doing this for many years, you’ve worked with a lot of companies, a lot of executives, on on, you know, I don’t even know how to say it getting a handle on D IB, embracing it, creating cultures that where people can thrive and feel included. What brought you to this work?

Renee Freeman  03:25

Yeah, that’s such a good question. And there’s so many different ways that I can I can answer it, but the one that I’m going to answer for this particular point is just kind of the inspiration of my father. And so I was born in Los Angeles area, but right after the first set of Watts riots, we moved to the Redlands area. And so I was raised around Victorian houses and orange trees and all of that. And my father back in those days started one of the first African American history courses back in the days when there weren’t ethnic horses available. And so fast forward, I eventually went into really wanting to understand humans and dynamics and how to groups interact with one another, and had had a long history of working with companies that were either multinationals or large brand names like Ikea that were global. And the aspect of diversity and inclusion became really understanding the entire wheel of diversity, equity inclusion, including global aspects of how we interact as countries and individuals within countries.

Maria Ross  04:33

I love that. And so what are what are some of the tools or frameworks that you use that have been really effective in helping helping leaders on their personal journey of embracing de IB but also being the catalyst to create inclusive cultures?

Renee Freeman  04:50

So one of the things that you know that I’m a big fan of is it’s important to create safe spaces that are also brave. Where executive skin do you want to call Ball in private. So this aspect of so often we’re asked as leaders to be perfect. Right? Right off the bat. Yeah. And being able to have somebody to talk to and be able to challenge our ideas is important. I mentioned IKEA a little bit earlier. So one of the things that one of my early leadership memories is, and one of the things that I hold with me to this day, is we used to talk about, we manage things, we lead people, and so that there’s this big difference between management versus leadership. And so anytime you’re able to look at and be able to go, okay, is this an individual I’m interacting with? Or is it a thing, right? So we manage spreadsheets, when we have projects, we manage all these different things. But when we’re interacting with individuals, it’s all about leadership. And we talked about diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging, it’s a leadership skill. And so going into your question, there’s multiple different things that we use. So one would be selfless instrument, circled a little bit back to that in just a moment. Another would be really looking at the entire aspect of the diversity wheel. And so what does it mean to challenge yourself as an executive to really do deep study in various areas of diversity, so that when they come up, you’re not having that awkward feeling of, like, LGBTQ, like, I don’t feel safe in this space, I’m afraid that I’m going to stumble, I’m afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing. Right. And so having a coach is really helpful in that space, because so much of it is those appreciative inquiry questions of what does that mean to you? What did you mean by that, and being able to process that information, both on paper as well as outloud?

Maria Ross  06:57

You’ve mentioned in the past the diversity wheel as a de IB, continuous improvement model. I think it’s based on the work from Maryland loader and Judy Rosen Rosenthal, can you tell us a little bit about that and why that’s an effective framework.

Renee Freeman  07:12

Yeah, it’s a great framework, because on the outer end of the circle is going to be organizational dimensions. Beyond that is your your global dimensions. But as we come closer into the circle, you’ve got external dimensions of diversity will be things like marital status, parental status, things like that. One more circle in are the ones that most common we think of is associated with various laws, or, as most common talked about within diversity. So things such as race, ethnicity, physical abilities, things like that. And our personal identities are created around these, but also the intersections of these. Also, when we’re thinking about these, we want to talk about what aspects are visible, and recognize that and what aspects of these are invisible. And what are our assumptions that are connected to those that we have, that we that they are visible. And so one of the things that you and I talked about is that there is an assumption quite often that race is visible. If I look at somebody, I’ll know what race they are. And the reality is that race is a social construct. And so you don’t know what race somebody socially identifies as, until you have a conversation with them. And they choose to self identify to you.

Maria Ross  08:33

Well, and you making me think of also diversity vector of neurodiversity. And as someone who who had a brain injury in the past, there’s things people can’t see, because from the outside, someone might, quote unquote, look fine. And there might be things in the way that they work or the way that they’re able to meet goals, the way they interact with others in their workplace that could be impacted by neurodiversity issues. But maybe they don’t feel comfortable enough in that environment, to admit to people that they have this challenge. And so I love that you’re, you’re talking about this from both the visible and the invisible, because that’s where it gets really complex. And it gets so complex. I think for people sometimes that they want to just sort of go well, there’s no way to know what everybody needs. And it’s going to take, you know, especially leaders, it’s going to take so much time to figure out the individual needs and motivations and challenges of every single person on my team. What do you say to a leader like that? I mean, I know what I say is that’s kind of why you’re the leader. That’s your job. You’re no longer just doing the work. You’re meant. You’re like you said you’re leading people now. So what do you I’m sure you you deal with executives that get overwhelmed by what they deem as like, how am I gonna get any work done? If I’m dealing with all this other stuff and trying to get to know people and understand all their individual needs? What do you often say to them in response to that?

Renee Freeman  09:59

On my face, first response is dei can be really fun if you’re doing it right. Doing it right. There was probably not a lot of fun, right? Um, and that’s what I find happens with with most executives, right? It was just this aspect of Oh, like, I didn’t know that. Or I didn’t even know that. I didn’t know that. So I couldn’t ask a question about it. Because I didn’t know that I didn’t know it. The other piece is oftentimes when we’re talking about business pieces is we can talk about money as going in a barn door, right, like horses going into the barn, in the back of the barn is the door that you want to keep closed, right, so that money stays in. So oftentimes, we think of things like HR departments as the ones that are in charge of keeping the barn door closed, right? legal departments keeping the barn door closed, so that money doesn’t leave out the bat. Dei, to a large extent is about being culturally competent, so that you don’t get those lawsuits, right. So it’s about many different things. But that is one of the things. And when we’re not culturally competent, we unintentionally create microaggressions. Let’s pause on that word microaggressions. Because oftentimes, folks will say, Well, why is it called micro, it’s hurting people, when the reality is that a macro aggression is something that’s very intentional. And overt micro aggressions, generally are unintentional, and oftentimes, well intended. And so it’s about recalibrating language and bringing your awareness. The other aspect, I would say, before I drop this analogy of the barn door, which is, historically, we know that a lot of money has been lost from products that have been brought to market. And those are products that are not culturally competent. And so when we think of the famous Gucci sweater, for example, this is the ski sweater that had a turtleneck, and somebody at some point decided, wow, would be really cool, since it’s gonna, if you pull up the top of it would be really cool. Since it’s going to be keeping the lips warm, we should put lips on the inside, we should make that sweater black. And we should make the lips red. Oh, my, at some point, somebody should have felt safe enough to be able to say, Oh, that looks a little bit like blackface, that might not be a good idea to bring the part. Right, right. Our job as executives is a to create that space so that those voices do get heard. But also to culturally be aware, and I’ll just do one more example. Because there’s so many. There’s a famous, very famous example of a children’s shirt. And somebody said, Well, what would be really great is to have these gray and blue stripes going down. And oh, I know what we’re gonna do. We’ll put a A star A sheriff star on it. At some point, I’m wearing January, decorative team. Yeah, somebody you know, that’s working in the organization, should your job as an as an executive is to create a safe enough space that somebody is able to go, Hmm, that looks a little bit like a holocaust shirt, that might not be a good idea. Again, when we think of diversity, equity inclusion, oftentimes we think of this aspect of heart, hands. And when we think of heart and hands, and we think of

Renee Freeman  13:46

part of our job as executives is to understand when individuals are speaking from head, arms or hands. There’s conflict that occurs in those areas. So hard people come in going oh, yeah, like, it’s all about the people. Right? And this is the reason that we have to do it. And head folks were like, We want to know the numbers. Hands folks are like, what are we going to do about it? Right? It’s okay to and I think of them as doorways, it’s okay to speak from any of those three, but you then need to visit the other two. Right? So it’s not okay to speak just from the heart. You do need to know the numbers in business. It’s not okay to speak just from the head. Because you do need to know what the people aren’t, you know, is there harm that has been done? All of that as part of executive coaching. All of that is responsibility for your leaders to obtain cultural competency at every level.

Maria Ross  14:45

Now, you’ve talked about your approach and what was really fascinating to me about our pre call discussion was something you mentioned at the beginning was which was giving executives a safe space to fail in private and You know, there’s many different approaches to this work, some, some are a little more in your face, some are a little bit more, you know, you figure it out, talk to us about that component, and how effective that has been for you. Because another thing that you’ve said in the past is that guilt and shame doesn’t get you to belonging. So talk, talk to us a little bit about the empathy you’re meeting these executives with, as they as they embark on this journey that for many of them might be new and uncomfortable.

Renee Freeman  15:30

So remember, a few minutes ago, I said, we don’t know what we don’t know. And so it’s difficult to ask questions around something if we don’t even know that we don’t know it. And so my job is an executive. And again, if we go back to the models of diversity, we would say that we have an executive that that has chosen a particular area, let’s say they want to learn more about what it is like to be Asian, right? My job is to help the aggregate that information, right and ask questions. What is Asian mean to you? What intersectionality of Asian here in the States, you’re in another country? Being Korean being made? So what what does that mean to you? And what is the nuance? So di at its best, is a search for nuance, and helping the brain think through all the different ways in which it is using one swipe to cover an entire group? And what does it mean to have fun in the curiosity? I oftentimes say to folks that in business, we’re taught so often to judge and we did we need to make judgments at certain points. But what does it mean to kind of look at, okay, the brain makes judgments, and the brain has curiosity. But the brain can’t do both at the same time. So what does it mean to be mindful of at the point in which I make a judgement, whether that’s on a group or a topic or anything else, that have actually cut off those curiosity questions? And are their curiosity questions that I can ask in a respectful way, that will help inform my, my process as a leader? The other aspect is having an understanding of what aspects of so when we think of diversity, right, it’s the full spectrum of diversity? What aspects within that space? Am I part of the majority group? What part say my part of a minority group? Or an answer served group? And to what extent when I’m sitting in a majority group, is that cutting me off from new voices that I need to hear? So in other words, for me as I’m just going to choose one of my my group identities where I’m part of the majority, As a cisgender? Person? What am I not hearing that I could really learn from, from folks who self identify as transgender? If I’m not asking that question, and self reflecting, I lose out on all that information.

Maria Ross  18:19

That is, that is such an interesting observation, because I also think back to your analogy of the open barn door. One of the other things we’re losing out on by not addressing this and and educating ourselves and getting curious about it, is what goes out. The other side of that barn doors talent, is innovation is is the contributions that people could make if they felt like they belonged. And so, you know, there’s been there’s been a lot of studies around the fact that like more diverse leadership teams, for example, make better business decisions. Have you been privy to any of those research studies? And what’s your thought on that? How do you how do you make that case for executives that this is important from a bottom line perspective as well?

Renee Freeman  19:10

Well, as I mentioned, a lot of my work is global. And I’m doing anything from executive coaching to helping folks with diversity, equity, inclusion roadmaps, and one of the processes is really being able to show whether that is, you know, what’s going on in your handbooks? What are we communicating on the website? How was that landing with various constituencies that a that we have? But also, who do we not have? And how can we reach out to those folks? How are we reading our website as an individual? So I’m going to pause on that for just a moment. I had a this was coaching somebody who was a coach, and they were projecting out on another group saying, you know, diversity, equity inclusion is really important. Like let’s reflect on that, let’s look at what your team’s website looks like. And the team’s website was not diverse at all. And so what does that mean for us to just kind of sit in reflection as far as our own self as instrument, we use the term self as instrument, that aspect of as a coach or as a individual inside of an organization, all the things that we do all the interactions, whether that’s a facial movement, or something that we say verbally, all of those have an effect on the client group. So as good practitioners, we need to constantly be honing that craft. Because at the end of the day, we should be making progress and not do harm inside the client.

Maria Ross  20:46

They think that’s such an important message of we want to, we don’t want to do harm as we embark on this journey. And I think you’ve probably gone into companies where their previous DEI efforts that may not have been so successful are littered with good intentions. What is it the road is, you know, the path to whatever is littered with good intentions? What are some of the what are some of the biggest stumbling blocks you come across? As you’re as you’re helping these organizations, as they can, you know, as they might be confused as to what they think dei is and what it actually is, in practice, what are what are one or two of the most common ones as we wrap up our conversation, so that we can give listeners just a little little caveat to be mindful of.

Renee Freeman  21:34

So I always say that there’s no such thing as a dumb answer. But my job as somebody who’s coaching you is to help you reframe it, right? So shame and blame is not a access point to belonging. And if we’re trying to create inside an organization is belonging in innovation, and all those yummy things that come from inclusivity. Really being able to create a space where folks can process is important. And as we said earlier, they can fall in private. And you do need a coach for that. Right? You do need to be able to have somebody that goes, Well, I would phrase it like, what is the core of your question? What is it that you really want to know? Okay? Well, you said it like this, here’s what I would suggest, right? If you say it like this, you’re still gonna get the information, and it’s not going to cause harm with your employees, or it might land better with your employees.

Maria Ross  22:32

And you’ve also talked in the past about confusing communication channels. So we saw a lot of this after the George Floyd murder, for example, and I commented on this as a brand strategist, the social memes are great. And that’s really great that you’re showing your support. Now, what now? Are you actually having a conversation? And is that conversation, translating into action? So tell us your thought on where people think they’re having? They think they’re, they’re quote unquote, doing Dei, right? But yet, it’s not a conversation. I know, you have thoughts on that. I have

Renee Freeman  23:09

very strong. So I’m a big believer in it doesn’t matter how many books you read on the AI. It’s really about knowing what to do when everything goes wrong. Right. So when somebody feels hurt or feels pain from something that somebody has said, the other aspect is really understanding how to diagnostic diagnose what’s going on inside of a, let’s say you’re doing a learning circle. If your diagnostic as a practitioner is Oh, like, there’s racism that’s happening in the group. But really what’s happening is colorism, then your intervention is going to be the the wrong intervention. The other aspect of this is this piece of making sure that when we are I lost my train of thought sorry.

Renee Freeman  24:17

The other aspect is really understanding what when you’re in a conversation, and what is the conversation. So we have lots of different this is a wonderful thing right now, right? We have lots of different communication styles, and communication channels. We have social media. We have writing an email, we have podcasts, we have all these different spaces. But that’s not a conversation. When we’re talking about diversity, equity inclusion, it’s the nuance and the search of nuance, and the being able to hear what’s being said by another individual and be able to respond to it and say, Well, this was what I heard you saying, and that other individual being able to go well, that’s not really what I meant. But really what I meant was something more like this. That’s what a conversation is, so that you’re verbalizing, but you also know how that’s landing with somebody else. And that they’re able to give you feedback on what it is that that that that they’re hearing.

Maria Ross  25:23

I love that, because I’ve talked about on the show many times and actually interviewed a gentleman named Edwin Racz, who runs the Center for building a culture of empathy. And he does trainings for people worldwide on this facilitation technique known as empathy circles, which he has taken to some of the most divisive political rallies in the US in the last few years, and got people actually listening to each other. And I went through the training, and it’s a very, it’s a very intense exercise in isolating your active listening muscle. And it’s all based on you talk to me, and I reflect back what you say, without discernment without judgment, just to make sure I heard you, right. Because I could go flying off in the conversation, reacting to something that actually was not what you intended to say yes. And so it’s this ability to check in and it it takes more time to have a conversation. And I know I do these in my empathy trainings, when I do leadership workshop trainings, we do it it kind of as a joke of people talking to each other about one of their favorite hobbies, and having someone reflect back and you know, nine times out of 10. When I do them, the person goes, no, that’s actually not what I say. So we do it like with a safe topic, right? But you can imagine if you extrapolate that out to a conversation about, you know, someone reporting a sexual assault, or someone you know, who comes to you and says they deserve a raise, and they were being looked past for that raise any of those difficult conflict laden conversations, we often have that lens of we think we heard what they said, but we didn’t, because we don’t take that time to stop and reflect back what they said. So I’ll put a link again to Edwin’s episode in the show notes as well as to the empathy circle.

Renee Freeman  27:12

But, but it also reminds me of the work that I do at the Museum of Tolerance, right? So when you’re having these large learning, listening circles, and you’ve just finished listening to all costs survivor, or sometimes we have groups that have just finished listening to a former White supremacist, I will, how did you process that information? How did you hear them, and really being able to co create within the group an understanding of how individuals are processing the information differently? Based on what historically, their families traumas have been? Like?

Maria Ross  27:44

Yeah, absolutely. Well, Renee, it was just wonderful to get your insights. And thank you for doing that the work the work that you’re doing, and supporting so many executives on their journey to create a more inclusive workplace culture. And you know, not just for the benefit of the organization, but also the benefit of themselves as human beings, right. So we take these things that we learned for the workplace and for our success in the workplace, and we apply them in our quote, unquote, real lives. So our personal lives, I guess, I should say, but thank you so much for sharing your insights today. Just as a final wrap, we’ll have all the links to connect with you in our show notes. But for folks on the go right now, where’s a good place they can go to learn more about you and your work.

Renee Freeman  28:27

The best place to reach me is on LinkedIn. But you can also reach me at Freeman consulting and Associates. And that’s Freeman see a.com

Maria Ross  28:38

Wonderful, thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you. Bye, Maria. And thanks everyone for listening to another great episode of the empathy edge podcast. As always, if you like what you heard, please share it with a friend or a colleague, or a co worker. And don’t forget to rate and review if you have an opportunity. Until next time, please remember that cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind.

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Daina Middleton: How to Do Layoffs with Humanity, Inclusion, and Compassion

Leaders are being asked to be more emotionally aware and embrace emotions at work. But how to do that in ways that are appropriate and comfortable for everyone? Gone are the days when we separated work and life and we now realize that we can’t bring our whole selves to work without acknowledging our humanity. That can mean messy, uncomfortable emotions – and if you as a leader have not shored up your own emotional awareness, you may struggle. Nowhere is this more deeply felt than when having to conduct layoffs.

Today, my guest, Daina Middleton, discusses how you can get comfortable embracing emotions at work and building rapport – yes, even if you’re an introvert.  Daina shares her own C-suite story about her journey of learning to be aware of and embrace her own emotions to create more success at work and better relationships at home. Daina offers powerful and timely tips on approaching layoffs with empathy and intention, and ensuring you don’t ignore those left behind. We talk about why last-hired/first-fired thinking can destroy your DEI progress and designing severance packages that are more inclusive and compassionate.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • We are all human. We all have emotions and feelings. At the end of the day, if you want to enhance productivity, you need to make sure people can bring their whole selves to work. 
  • Listening is the most important thing you can do. Let the blank space be blank space, you do not need to fill it with your own story. 
  • Know when empathy and information should come from the leadership team, not just HR, legal, or middle management. 

“If you truly want to propel and move the organization forward, you need to allow people to go through the grieving steps.” —  Daina Middleton

References Mentioned:

The Empathy Edge Podcast: Lisen Stromberg: What Modern Leaders and Cultures Need to Succeed in the 21st CenturyHarvard Business Review, “Don’t Let Layoffs Undermine Your DEI Efforts”Daina’s book: Grace Meets Grit: How to Bring Out the Remarkable, Courageous Leader WithinA great article on Prismwork’s site on human-centered layoffs.About Daina Middleton, Co-Founder and Chief Strategy Officer, Prismwork

Daina Middleton is a former CEO and CMO, and current board member and advisor, strategy consultant, and growth architect with expertise in growing technology and services organizations. She has successfully grown and exited several marketing services businesses. Her success is fueled by focusing on creating market categories, driving thought leadership through partnerships and experiences, cultivating company culture, and executing operational excellence. Believing culture is the competitive advantage, Daina is currently creating culture transformations, inclusive leadership, and company purpose-driven strategies for businesses that wish to create better outcomes for all stakeholders.

Connect with Daina Middleton:

Prismwork: http://www.prismwork.com

Website: https://dainamiddleton.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dainamiddleton/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/dainamiddleton

Don’t forget to download your free guide! Discover The 5 Business Benefits of Empathy: http://red-slice.com/business-benefits-empathy

Connect with Maria: 

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

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Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work, to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.

Leaders are being asked to be more emotionally aware and embrace emotions at work, but how to do that in ways that are appropriate and comfortable for everyone. Gone are the days when we separated work and life and we are now realizing that we can’t bring our whole selves to work without acknowledging our humanity. That can mean messy, uncomfortable emotions. And if you as a leader have not shored up your own emotional awareness, you may struggle. Nowhere is this more deeply felt than when you’re having to conduct layoffs. Yet many leaders are trying to act like they have it all together or be robotic and delivering the news for worse center themselves in the narrative. Today, my guest is Dana Middleton, co founder and chief strategy officer of prism work, a consulting firm dedicated to culture transformations, inclusive leadership, and company purpose driven strategies for businesses who wish to create better outcomes for all stakeholders. We discuss how you as a leader can get comfortable embracing emotions at work, and building rapport. Yes, even if you’re an introvert. Dana shares her own C suite story and learning how to be aware of and embrace her own emotions to create more success at work and better relationships at home. Dana offers powerful and Timely Tips on how to approach layoffs with empathy and intention, and how to ensure you don’t ignore those left behind. We talked about why last hired first fired thinking can destroy your dei progress, and how to design severance packages that are more inclusive and compassionate. This topic could not be more timely, unfortunately. I hope you love it. Hello, Dana, welcome to the empathy edge podcast. We’re so excited to have you.

Daina Middleton  03:01

Thank you so much for having me. Maria, I’m delighted to be here. Well, I am

Maria Ross  03:05

excited to get into this conversation about how to embrace emotions at work, and specifically how to conduct layoffs in a inclusive and respectful and compassionate way. There’s so many great ideas you have for leaders, and I can’t wait for you to share some of that, especially given the current market. We’re in the current climate we’re in I know, this is an issue that many leaders are losing sleep over. So this is going to be a really valuable discussion today. But before we kick that off, tell us a little bit about your work with prism work, and how you got to this work around culture and purpose and bringing more emotions into the workplace.

03:47

Sure, I’d be happy to it is interesting. We all have winding paths in our past background. And I certainly started out in the marketing and advertising space spent over 30 years there have worn the CEO hats. I even worked at Twitter for a stint. And certainly don’t have the HR background as you would expect for someone to really dive into this space. But I think when I wrote my first book, which is called Grace meets grit, which is really about or actually aggressed me to quit as my second book. What am I saying is about leadership differences and in behavior, specific things like how different men make decisions versus women. And we don’t talk about these subtleties in the workplace, yet they have ripple impacts. So I think my interest about that had been boiling for some time. And then probably the real reckoning came, which is really where Leeson and I started working together before prism work was even prism work was when I was laid off. I was actually fired from a CEO role in the advertising space. And I did a bunch of self reflection to really think about what worked well. In my engagement there, what didn’t. And at the same time, I nearly lost my, what my marriage. So my relationship really took a hit. And so what I understood was that I had begin suppressing my emotions, not just at work, but even in the home. And that had caused a lot of trauma in so many places. And in doing so I had actually lost the things that make me good at work. And so as a CEO, I got to thinking about how often do we talk to employees about emotions in the workplace, and what’s allowed, what isn’t, what’s good, what’s not how to be accountable, because this is an emotional free for all that we’re talking about. So, you know, that I think, led me to where I am today, which is how do we create workplaces where everyone feels a sense of belonging, and you cannot create a sense of belonging unless you truly understand your own emotions, and are able to connect with the emotions of others. And so that’s really our mission at a prism work is to really power leaders with the right skills, the right thinking, the right frameworks in order to do that, and make them more successful because modern leaders have the skills they’re highly desired. And so that’s a little bit about my background, and why I do what I do.

Maria Ross  06:24

Well, I love this. And, you know, we’ll put a link in the show notes to Leeson Stromberg interview about the skills needed to be a 21st century leader to be a successful 21st century leader. And a lot of it is around empathy and inclusion and just general respect for people as people. And what you mentioned there that was so engaging to me, was this idea of like creating these cultures where people can be themselves at work. And I know, you know, in my 20s, as a Gen Xer, I subscribe to the whole, you know, you leave your emotions at the door, and you’re this different person at work. And you’re this different persona. And that’s what many leaders today grew up with, as well. And now the rules have changed. And not that we’re all crying on the floor with our employees every day, we’re actually getting work done and having expectations and setting boundaries, like you said, what within reason, what people are comfortable with. But we have this acknowledgment now that you do not park your humanity at the door, when you come to work every day. And whatever is happening to you in your personal life in your world, in society at large that impacts your particular group. You’re bringing that to work. And we need to have just a recognition of that and just, you know, we can still expect excellence, we can still set boundaries, we can still avoid burnout. We don’t have to take on everybody’s problems and everyone’s challenges. But do we need to work together in a different way now. And that’s what’s so exciting about the work you’re doing at prison work? What’s drawn me to this work from marketing and advertising as well, I might add. And so you know, it’s really just about I think marketers are drawn to understanding people. And I think that’s why there’s a lot of marketers that criss cross in these spaces. So that is just wonderful. So so when we talk a little bit about how to embrace emotions at work, I think that’s the million dollar question for maybe leaders where it doesn’t come naturally to be able to navigate what’s appropriate, what’s not, am I being too intrusive? And you know, am I not being? Am I going to be seen as weak? Do you have any general guidelines for what leaders can do to start embracing more emotion at work and start getting comfortable with it?

08:40

I can, and actually, I have a webinar about this called awakened at work. And it actually is teaching the science of rapport. It’s how do you connect with someone? The reason I went and did this is I learned I’m not very good at it, I think, partly because I’m an introvert. And so I’m not that naturally gregarious person who connects instantly with others. And obviously, even if you are there are people that you connect more rapidly with, and people you don’t so awakened, really talks about how much eye contact should you have? How much should you talk to someone versus Listen, use someone’s name, connect on a personal level, don’t talk about yourself. I mean, there are a whole bunch of guidelines that actually forged that first connection, that are really important. And then once you have that initial report, then you can dive into things like mirroring. So you’ve probably seen mirroring, I didn’t know much about it until I dove into this space. But if you watch a couple sitting in a coffee shop, and they’re engaging, that kind of looks like a dance to me, so one person is doing one thing with their hands and their expressions when the other person is naturally doing that. We do that naturally as humans and so there are ways to deepen that connection over time. Then obviously The key also here is not to be artificial. So we’ve all had the experience of the used car salesman spend who comes out and tries to connect with you and use all of the skills that I’ve talked about in a very unnatural way without getting agreement and alignment from the other person. And that’s not the goal, either. So I think that at the bottom line is, we’re all human. And at the end of the day, like you, I grew up in an environment where I was really taught that emotions don’t belong in the workplace, and it’s all about productivity. But it is all about productivity. And if you truly want to enhance productivity, then you want to make sure that people can bring their whole selves to work. And that includes how they’re feeling because you want that passion in the workplace, because that’s how you’re going to get the best performance. And so, you know, how do we teach and reach and connect with others at a human level. And I think that’s the most important guideline. But it also means that you have to know where how you feel. And I think also, we’ve taught people not to really understand their own emotions.

Maria Ross  11:11

Well, I think that’s a big piece of it. And you know, in my book, the first step of being an empathetic leader, or habit of being an empathetic leader, was to practice mindfulness, because it’s really about your own self awareness and getting your own house in order first and understanding your own emotions and triggers. Because otherwise, you can’t do that. with other people, you can’t do that in your interactions with other people, there’s too much stuff in the way in your own head. And so that this idea of helping leaders, or you know, if I can be so bold, requiring leaders to be more emotionally aware, that is part of the assignment. Now, that is part of the job. And it’s not because we’re just want everyone to be woowoo and hold hands. But it actually leads to better results, it leads to better performance, it leads to more innovation, it leads to groups of people who feel free enough to create an innovate and deliver. And so there are, you know, that’s the beautiful part of all this, there’s tons of research out there that show that when you’re more emotionally aware, when you’re empathetic, when you’re a good listener, when you’re curious, those lead to good business outcomes. It’s not just fluffy, nice to have stuff

12:24

100% And your mindfulness, I think, is a great insight into as a leader thinking about, again, we’ll go back to decision making, being mindful about communicating to people how you’re going to make a decision and why. So as I reef self reflected back on my own career, I thought, I don’t know that I’d ever really told people, here’s how I’m making the decision. And here’s why and making a decision that’s just applying mindfulness to everyday interactions that ultimately create better outcomes because you have people not just guessing what the outcome will be or what the process will be. And so mindfulness, I think goes a long way in the workplace today.

Maria Ross  13:06

Absolutely. And you know, it’s funny, because there’s two things that strike me about leadership paradigms that we already subscribe to as being successful leadership models. One is, you know, athletic coaches. You know, people often will cite sports analogies and all of this other stuff in terms of like coaches they admire about how they lead a team, they’ll take a ragtag team and turn them into a championship team. But a lot of that is them getting personally and emotionally invested with their players. So we see it playing out in front of us. And yet, in the workplace, in corporate, America, the corporate world, we shy away from that, which I find really an interesting dichotomy that we’re so wanting to follow those inspirational quotes of coaches in the workplace, and yet, we still shy away from that personal connection.

13:58

I do think there’s a tie back to the industrial age here. And, you know, I think we have learned there’s definitely value in applying machine type learning and machine processes to the workplace. But if you see the movement today, to your point, I think going back to much more biological analogies rather than industrial machine type of analogies, it’s really how do we take advantage of both of those things in order to get the best outcomes because a lot of our processes still have those industrial qualities and we’re reluctant I think, in the workplace to let them go, which is to your point, in the athletic world, the first thing an athlete gets is a psychological coach to help them get mentally where they need to go. But yet in the workplace, that’s considered woowoo fluffy stuff that is probably a waste of money, and it’s really interesting.

Maria Ross  14:55

Yeah, yeah. So I want to apply this to a very timely topic. work that we’re all dealing with right now, which is, unfortunately, due to the market. And due to the economy, there have been, there have been massive layoffs and leaders are being faced with, you know, especially on the heels of the pandemic, where workers put up with so much leaders put up with so much they adapted, they pivoted, they worked as teams. And now we’re in the stage where leaders are dealing with a lot of layoffs. And they’re struggling, because they were like, I’ve been trying to be this empathetic, supportive leader. And yet now I’m in a situation where I have to lay people off. And I know I’m impacting their lives. I know it’s for the right business decisions, in many cases, not all cases. But in some cases, it is for the right business decisions. And so they’re left, they’re left bereft, because they’re not sure how to approach this when they want to identify as and what they want their legacy to be, is as an empathetic and supportive leader. So when it comes to layoffs, you wrote, you co wrote a great article for Harvard Business Review that we’re going to link to in the show notes about how to conduct layoffs. And it was more the angle of without blowing up your d i efforts in the process, the efforts that many companies have worked very hard to build up in terms of a function in terms of a mindset, and then all of a sudden, you do layoffs, and there’s there’s ways to do that, that are more human and that are more thoughtful, so that you don’t, you know, burn the ground and burn the place down as you are, you’re having to do this very difficult thing. So can you share some of the tips because, of course, what caught my eye is the first one that said, you know, be empathetic. And so what you found so easy, it sounds so easy. Yeah. But can you tell us a little bit about, you know, approaching a layoff with empathy? And what are some of the things that leaders can think about? What are some of the tips that can make for a more thoughtful, human compassionate, layoff process?

17:04

Sure. And I think I’m one of the struggles that leaders have is that legal is highly involved in telling you what you can and can’t do. And then I also think we have all these productivity tools like the one that we’re using today, zoom, which allows you to efficiently lay a whole bunch of people off, but is that the most human and empathetic approach? And so, you know, I do think the first thing back to what you talked about is really reconciling your own emotions around this and acknowledging them. I think, sometimes as leaders, we expect ourselves kind of like what we do as parents to be superhuman, and not have to be affected by this, and really unpacking that, and being able to be a bit vulnerable about it, and to talk about it not to make it your story that goes back to that connection, but at least be able to relate in a manner that makes it feel real makes it feel human and makes the communication much more effective than just, you know, I’ve heard so many horror stories, as I’m sure a few were outlined in the article. And then so many have happened since that article was written, which is quite a few months ago now. Yeah. About You know, someone just logging on and not being able to get in and thinking it was a technical glitch and still trying to work and, and that person’s manager, not even knowing that that person was impacted, because the less was not published, you know, the legal has run amok, I think in these companies. So the first thing is having at the top, someone who was willing to put empathy and connection for people and to understand this is something that impacts people. And certainly, we can do the things that protect the controls of the company from a legal perspective, without losing our humanity is the very first step in this process. And unfortunately, even for companies like Google, who’s been well known forever to be much more human focused company has really struggled I think, in this with legals I don’t know for sure if legals involvement, but that’s my suspicion anyway, is him What do we do to protect the company instead of really thinking about right human impact? So I think starting with that human connection is the right place to start.

Maria Ross  19:16

Yeah, and I love what you said about not making this your story because I think some of the horror stories we’ve heard in recent in the last year, have been about CEOs making all about their trauma and their pain that they have to do this layoff versus really focusing on the people who are actually impacted. And just, you know, going off the rails with trying, you know, I think there was one CEO who was quoting Martin Luther King during her layoff announcement and equating it to the struggle for civil rights. It just really, really bad decisions that are all about making the leader feel better. And sort of like Please don’t hate me, because I’m doing this this is so hard for me. If that’s not the time for it to be your story and to center yourself in that narrative,

20:05

it’s not about you. And I think also, I was coaching a leader on this, how whitespace is positive space, there’s a need or a feel a need to fill the space. And that’s where I think leaders sometimes get into trouble. You know, okay, so no one’s saying anything that feels highly uncomfortable. So two things, you know, really understanding that listening is the most important thing that you can do. How do you just let whitespace be whitespace? And not fill it with your own story?

Maria Ross  20:33

Right. And by whitespace, we should clarify we mean blank space now. Yeah. Race with racial white?

20:39

Oh, yes. Yeah. Very good point. Just, you know, this, you know, like a white sheet of paper with nothing on it was where I was coming from, right. And then, and then absolutely, getting comfortable feeling uncomfortable. I honestly think that’s also a key skill for leaders these days is that we’re all really in unchartered territory. And we need to really get comfortable thinking that we’re not always going to feel comfortable. And that’s okay. And that’s a hard one, I think, for many leaders to really even contemplate.

Maria Ross  21:14

Well, I think, again, it’s that old school thinking that if I’m the leader, I have to have all the answers. And I can’t admit, I don’t know, or I, I don’t know where we’ll go from here. I don’t know if there’s going to be more layoffs after this one. We there’s a tendency to want to come up with all the right answers. And you can, you can admit you don’t know in a confident way, you shouldn’t be vulnerable in a confident way where people don’t think, you know, the world is falling apart, because you’re falling apart as a leader. But it’s perfectly okay to admit that you don’t have all the answers. But you will work towards getting solutions and getting answers for people because you understand they need answers to move forward. I want to talk about also, you know, the crux of the article was all around, you know, making sure you don’t making sure you factor in inclusion and diversity, even in your layoff decisions and processes. But also make sure you don’t blow up any progress you’ve made with D IB, diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging. And there was a quote in the article that I really loved, which was, which said, savvy companies need to embed dei into every stage of the employee lifecycle, including separations. So when we talk about tips for, you know, doing these layoffs are five ways. And you know, any number of ways for leaders and companies to establish layoff practices that are rooted in inclusion and belonging. The first one, the big one is approaching with empathy. But I also want to talk about one that was very intriguing to me, which was making sure we’re designing severance packages. With inclusion in mind. Can you talk a little bit about that?

22:50

Sure. I think we tend to do a one size fits all approach to severance packages. And that might not be what is really needed. So really understanding where your employees are and meeting them where they are. They, you know, actually providing a certain level of severance for so many months served is a great example of that, where as or, you know, firing, the people that were last in are the first out, you know, we tend to think about these decisions and not think about Gee, someone may need to provide childcare or can’t respond that quickly. And they’ve only been here a month. So what do I do? And so, again, we’re applying these almost like peanut butter, rather than really unpacking it and thinking about, you know, what are these employees? Who are they what do they actually need? And how are we going to actually help them through this process in a way that’s meaningful and provide them with the tools and our resources to actually make that bridge occur?

Maria Ross  23:54

Well, and I also love that you made the point of offering severance packages to employees whom you’ve extended offers to, and now those offers have been rescinded because they are impacted because they’ve already left jobs. Right. So

24:06

often, that’s not even considered, right. Again, it’s back to legalise saying, We have no obligation, right to do something like this. So I think again, asking yourself, Is this about legal obligations? Or is this about doing the right thing? Because this is the real hardship that these employees or potential employees are actually facing.

Maria Ross  24:29

Right. And you mentioned in the article, an example of Airbnb, which offered a base package of 14 weeks to all terminated employees and then added one additional week for every year of service when they started downsizing, so that’s very, very generous, and that that could be someone who’s been there a week than their month. Right. So I also think, you know, as a, you know, leaving my brand strategy work behind but as a brand strategist that says something about your company and your culture and your brand. that’s going to be useful to you in the future when you need to hire back up again.

25:05

Absolutely 100%. And I think that’s one of the things that these companies aren’t necessarily thinking about. Like said, you know, lack of transparency, that some companies not publishing who the individuals that are affected, but then individuals actually creating transparency by creating open Google Sheets where everyone can see them. Right. And so yes, these will have long lasting impacts around their ability to recruit and retain employees. Absolutely.

Maria Ross  25:35

And, you know, speaking of the, you know, not having to hire, you know, do the blanket, elimination of jobs, but being more thoughtful about it. Another thing mentioned in the article that, especially if a company has ramped up DEI efforts in recent years, that unfortunately, if you follow a last hired first fired policy, you’re likely to disproportionately impact women and people of color. So can you talk about that a little bit

26:02

100%. So a lot of those individuals that were recently since George Floyd brought on, if that that was philosophy, those were the first to go as we’re contractors. So we have a disproportionate amount of contractors who actually are diverse candidates, who also were impacted by these layoffs. And again, not having that lens, and oftentimes, it isn’t an ill intended lens, right, the actual strategy may be Gee, I’m gonna say, go to each individual and say, you have to come up with two employees in your group. But if you look at those numbers in aggregate, and you start to unpack it, then you start to see some of those discrepancies. And so being able to have the time in your approach and process to be able to look at it with different lenses, I think, is also really important, because I’m not going to say that, you know, the, it was the intent of every company to actually eliminate their de IB efforts. But certainly a consequence of not putting those lenses into place this occurred.

Maria Ross  27:03

Absolutely. And I think it’s like you said, not always a bad intention, because people think they’re being fair.

27:08

Right? Right. Or they want to push down the decision making to the individual groups and empower their leaders, or that there’s any number of reasons to where you can get too into one of those situations, but certainly being able to back up and look at it and say, Gee, gosh, this was our intent. But this is actually what happened.

Maria Ross  27:27

And I want to talk about another thing you brought up in the article, which is not, don’t forget your survivors, I think this is one that is very much something that’s an afterthought. Because you have to realize how traumatized those people are when they’re left, and they don’t know when the other shoe will drop. And they’re living in fear. And they may have just lost really close colleagues, or their friends at work, or people that they relied on to complete their own projects are now gone, and it’s made their lives harder. So how can we make sure we’re taking care of the survivors? What are some, some tips or things to think about for leaders in terms of that?

28:08

It’s so true. And How often have I heard why should you be worried you you’re still here? Right? Right. It’s exactly what you’re talking about. And I think, first, again, being human acknowledging that there is trauma and loss with losing teammates, even if they weren’t involved in your own projects, and then taking accountability and understanding for even workload situation. So yes, in many cases, they’re tightening the belt. And all of those survivors are now wearing two or three or four different hats. So what are you doing to actually prioritize the work and taking accountability and acknowledgement for the fact that we can’t produce as much as we did in the past, or we’re going to do this differently, or I’m going to help come alongside you to make some of these decisions. Because there is, I think, a tendency, especially for leaders who have felt so much trauma in the process, they want to move on, they’re ready to move on, because they don’t want to feel that anymore. So again, in their self interest thinking about this, they’re not thinking about necessarily the people who haven’t been through this need some time. The grief a circle applies here, right? It’s going to take time for your people to get past the trauma that they’ve actually experienced. And how do you help them work toward that positive outcome? And the more you force it to the end, and skip all of those steps they need to in the grieving process, the more backward, you’re going to go. And I believe that’s the key to remember if you truly want to propel and move the organization forward, you need to acknowledge and allow people to go through those grieving steps.

Maria Ross  29:43

Right, right. And you know, it could be just a lot of listening. It could be you know, someone’s one to one turns into them talking about how angry they are about everything going on or how scared they are. And that’s okay, that’s still the work of being a leader. That’s not detracting from the work. That is the work.

30:03

It is 100%, like I mentioned, it may be the process may be, you are required to go through the steps as painful and as uncomfortable as many of those steps may need to be, you’re not going to get to the other side without that. And so again, I think the other thing that he senior leaders can do is equip their middle managers for this, and so often that the middle managers are the ones that get pinched repeatedly, right, they’re pinched from the top, and they’re pinched from the bottom. And how do we provide them with the skills, the support the guidance that they need in order to help people through that process? Usually, we provide them with nothing? Rachel, also, it’s not a good answer. What

Maria Ross  30:45

are some ways that you’ve heard of companies providing that support, so we can give folks just some things to get their their ideas flowing of the types of things they can do to provide that support?

30:55

at a bare minimum? It’s a q&a. That’s, you know, some information, if you get asked this question, here’s the answer that you can provide. But a company who’s really thinking about it much more holistically, may actually guide people to here’s how often we think you should meet with your team. Here are the topics that we think you should actually talk about with your team. Here’s some support in that here are individual support, if you’re struggling yourself, that almost never happens. It’s a falls on the weight of HR, often to do add an HR isn’t necessarily equipped to do that either. It’s better I think, if it comes from a senior leader in the organization who’s willing to help these leaders, take the next step and move forward and allow them to even event and go through their own level of grieving process. So again, it’s back to that intentionality that you talked about that mindfulness, how do we provide mindfulness for those middle level managers where we actually have a complete package and process that we can evolve and adapt, depending on actually what happens in that circumstance?

Maria Ross  32:07

Well, that’s why I love doing, you know, what I’m brought in even just as part of leadership and development or executive leadership training, to come in and do workshops on strengthening empathy, because I love being able to proactively be helping them build that muscle before they need it. And so are so you know, those are the current rate estimates. Yeah, those are the kinds of investments and it could be about bringing in mindfulness training, it could be about bringing in empathy training, it could be about bringing in folks to talk about the grief cycle event, and just really educating and arming those leaders with the tools and the skill sets they need. Maybe before it even happens, but especially after it does

32:51

100%, and even hiring the right individuals who have those skills to begin with. Exactly right,

Maria Ross  32:56

exactly. Yeah, looking for that and hiring for that emotional regulation, that emotional awareness and that ability to listen and that ability to be curious and dissenter yourself from the narrative when things get tough.

33:11

So those being comfortable with that. Yeah, cuz that isn’t necessarily a skill. I think that we think about when we’re hiring.

Maria Ross  33:19

We don’t and it’s, it’s what’s needed in today’s leadership. It’s what’s being demanded. And just like, just like work has evolved, just like industry has evolved, leadership has evolved. And I often talk about the fact that the old models of leadership were not laws of physics. We invented them, we can change them. Yes. 100%. Yeah. So Dana, thank you so much for this conversation, I think it’s going to be super useful to a lot of leaders going through this right now. I’ll have all your links in the show notes. I’d also love to put a link to your book, and of the webinar, you mentioned in the show notes for folks that are interested. But for folks who are listening to us while they’re jogging, weirs, just a quick place that they can find out more about you and your work.

34:03

Sure, LinkedIn is probably the best link I used to be much more of a Twitter person. But in recent times, that’s no longer the case. I am still on Twitter, but not nearly as active and I certainly have ramped up my LinkedIn presence. I’m also on post news. So you can find me there as well.

Maria Ross  34:20

Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for your insights today and for spending time with us. Thank you so much, Grant. This was delightful. And thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard and you’re enjoying the episodes you know what to do, please rate and review on your podcast player of choice, and share the episode with a colleague or a friend. Until next time, please remember that cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind.

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access shownotes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

March Hot Take: Leaders, Do You Understand the Assignment?

Leaders today need to understand the assignment. And it’s no longer about telling people what to do like a ruler from on high, filling out paperwork, or even getting a cushy office. Unless your WFH space is decked out and super-glam.

So I ask you: Do you fully understand the assignment….or are you working off an outdated model of the skills you need to be a successful leader?

 To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Foster collaboration – diversity enables your organization to look at challenges from every angle without missing anything. And it enables the best ideas to rise to the top.
  • Take the time to get to know your team as individuals.
  • Care about people as human beings. Understand their context. Empathetically listen before you start preaching.

“You are absolutely required to inspire, listen, empathize, develop, collaborate, and foster trust.  And yes, deliver results.” —  Maria Ross

References:

Check out my newest digital workshop, How to Grow Your Business With an Empathetic Brand Statement. Perfect for marketers, business owners, entrepreneurs, PR and design professionals, coaches, and consultants!

Gianna Driver: The Link Between Diversity, Inclusion, and Performance

Rhonda George-Dinniston: Why Betting On Your People Leads to Market Domination

February Hot Take: Why Can’t We Do Business With Love?

Lisen Stromberg: What Modern Leaders Need to Compete and Succeed in the 21st Century

Amer Kaissi: Humbitious Leadership

Don’t forget to download your free guide! Discover The 5 Business Benefits of Empathy: http://red-slice.com/business-benefits-empathy

Connect with Maria:

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Twitter: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.

Hi, and welcome to your march hot take. Before we get to the topic at hand, I have a little shameless plug for you all, if you are a marketer, if you’re a business owner, if you’re an entrepreneur, or if you’re a PR or design professional or agency owner working with clients, I have a fabulous workshop that I created just for you on demand, how to grow your business with a magnetic brand statement. It’s an on demand brand messaging workshop, to leverage empathy to attract ideal clients with the exact right fit messaging, I actually share the templates and the tools and the strategies that I have used with my own brand strategy clients over the years to help them accelerate sales to help them stand out. And mostly to help them communicate in an authentic values driven way, so that they can attract the people who are the exact right fit for them. And empathy is a huge underpinning of that work. And that philosophy, it’s empathy as a tool for sharing and communicating your brand story that led me to this work around empathy as a competitive advantage. So if you are like I mentioned a marketer, a business owner, a coach, a consultant, a freelance agency person, a PR person, a design agency, and you want to help your business or help your clients communicate to and attract the right fit ideal clients, please check out the workshop, it’s only $39 You can check it out at red dash slice.com/brand-messaging-workshop. And I will put the link in the show notes. So on to this month’s hot take. We are going to talk about what leadership success requires in today’s world. leaders today need to understand the assignment. And it’s no longer about telling people what to do like a ruler from on high, filling out paperwork, or even getting that cushy office. Unless your work from home space is indeed decked out and super glam then more power to you. So I asked you, do you fully understand the assignment? Or are you working off an outdated model of what skills you need to be a successful leader? See leadership in the past was all about command and control. You did the job so well. You were promoted to lead others doing the same job, and so on and so on. But many people who are excellent at the work are never taught how to actually do the job of leading. Leading requires a different mindset, skill set and frankly, temperament. It’s not the same as doing the actual work. In a world where talented workers have options where people are demanding respect in the workplace, and where the data now tells us that innovation, creativity and engagement increase when the right leadership is in place. Here’s the assignment as it stands today. One you’re in, you’re responsible for fostering collaboration. Diversity enables your organization to look at challenges from every angle without missing anything. And it enables the best ideas to rise to the top. So it’s no longer acceptable to simply hire people who look and think like you, or silence dissenting voices, or create fear and competition among your own people foster collaboration, to take the time to get to know your team as individuals, what motivates them? What are their what are their lives like? Who do they want to be? And you must tailor communications incentives and career development accordingly. Invest in your people. Yes, it takes more time. Yes, it’s your job. Now if you want high performance and to ensure you get your own bonus, no, it’s not distracting you from the work. It is the work of leading. Number three, care about people as human beings understand their context. empathetically listen before you start preaching, accommodate for their challenges and differences. Get as personal as people are comfortable getting. Create a culture where people have each other’s backs. Be willing to be vulnerable and encourage connection and love for each other. You can encourage high standards expect excellence and be compassionate. We are not machines. We cannot turn our struggles challenges or mental health issues off to put on some quote unquote professional facade for embrace failure and admit mistakes. Spoiler alert, no one ever believed you knew it all anyway, that’s not the job of leading the job requires risk taking and encouraging new ideas, celebrate and learn from things not going right. It means you’re innovating or getting better. If you’re still parroting, this is the way it’s always been done, then you’re done. Five, be humble. If you can’t admit you’re wrong. What are you doing? Everyone around you knows you were wrong. And when you don’t admit it, you just look foolish and lose people’s trust. If you are still puffing out your chest, acting like you’re better than and not sharing credit or space because you think that makes you the big dog. It’s time to step aside and let a leader with humility take over to get better engagement and results. Let me be clear, these are not niceties. They are not a waste of time. They’re not distracting you from the work. This is the work of leading in today’s world. These are the skills required of successful leaders right now. You are absolutely required to inspire, listen, empathize, develop, collaborate, and foster trust. And yes, deliver results. If you’re lucky enough to lead people, then please understand the assignment. I’d love to know your thoughts on this month’s hot take. Please contact me through Instagram red slice Maria. Or you can always reach me through red dash slice.com. I am here for it all. And please if you enjoy this podcast, which is a labor of love on my part, please share it with a colleague or friend. And you know what to do rate and review it and let me know what you think. Until next time, take care. Remember that cashflow? Creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Be kind.


For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Tiffany Dufu: Elevating Women Through Support, Connection, and Accountability

How can we elevate women by connecting and engaging with each other and holding ourselves accountable to our intentions? How can companies who want to attract and retain top talent do the same?

I had a great time talking with my guest today, Tiffany Dufu, about her mission to support and elevate women. Tiffany shares her personal story and the mantra her mother used to tell her every day that she hopes to whisper into other women’s ears. We discuss The Cru’s mission and business model – and how they help women and companies achieve success through support, connection, and accountability. We also talk about why connection is so important to achieving goals (what The Cru calls intentions) and why empathy ensures successful engagement.

Tiffany shares how the pandemic has affected women’s career goals and why employers and leaders need to understand this new reality and respond accordingly. And she shares 3 tips for connecting across diverse backgrounds that could transform the way your teams get work done.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • If you want something you’ve never had before, you have to do something you’ve never done before. Women in the middle (whatever middle means for you in your life) tend to be looking for meaning, advancement, and integration.
  •  Limiting choices for women also limits choices for men, which then also trickles down and affects the children in the home. 
  • The intention of “finding a new job” doesn’t mean leaving an organization. Leaders and employers need to bet on their teams, especially their women, and make clear the opportunities that they have in the organization, within and without their teams.

We are the most powerful change agents in our own journey.” —  Tiffany Dufu

About Tiffany Dufu, Founder & CEO, The Cru

Tiffany Dufu is founder and CEO of The Cru. Their algorithm matches circles of women who collaborate to meet their personal and professional goals. She’s also the author of the bestselling book Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less. According to foreword contributor Gloria Steinem, Drop the Ball is “important, path-breaking, intimate and brave.”

Named to Entrepreneur’s 100 Powerful Women and Fast Company’s League of Extraordinary Women, Tiffany has raised nearly $20 million toward the cause of women and girls. She was a launch team member to Lean In and was Chief Leadership Officer to Levo, one of the fastest-growing millennial professional networks. Prior to that, Tiffany served as President of The White House Project, as a Major Gifts Officer at Simmons University, and as Associate Director of Development at Seattle Girls’ School.

Tiffany is a member of Women’s Forum New York, Delta Sigma Theta, Sorority, Inc., and is a Lifetime Girl Scout. She serves on the board of Girls Who Code and Simmons University and lives in New York City with her husband and two children.

References Mentioned:

The Empathy Edge podcast, Rhonda George-Denniston: Why Betting on Your People Leads to Market Domination – https://theempathyedge.com/rhonda-george-denniston-why-betting-on-your-people-leads-to-market-domination/

Connect with Tiffany Dufu:

The Cru: https://www.thecru.com

Website: https://tiffanydufu.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tdufu

Book – Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less: https://www.tiffanydufu.com/books

Don’t forget to download your free guide! Discover The 5 Business Benefits of Empathy: http://red-slice.com/business-benefits-empathy

Connect with Maria: 

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

X: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.

How can we elevate women by connecting and engaging with each other and holding ourselves accountable to our intentions? How can companies who want to attract and retain top talent do the same I had a great time talking with my guest today about her mission to support and elevate women. Tiffany du feu is founder and CEO of the crew. Their algorithm matches circles of women who collaborate to meet their personal and professional goals. She’s also the author of the best selling book dropped the ball, achieving more by doing less. According to Ford contributor Gloria Steinem herself, dropped the ball is important pathbreaking, intimate and brave. Named to entrepreneurs, 100 powerful women and fast companies League of Extraordinary women, Tiffany has raised nearly $20 million toward the cause of women and girls. She was a launch team member to lean in and was chief leadership officer to Leivo one of the fastest growing millennial professional networks, and so much more you can read in the show notes. Today, Tiffany shares her personal story and the mantra her mother used to tell her every day that she hopes to whisper into other women’s ears, we discuss the crews mission and business model and how they help women and companies achieve success through support connection and accountability. We also talk about why connection is so important to achieving goals or what the crew calls intentions and why empathy ensures successful engagement. Tiffany shares how the pandemic has affected women’s career goals, and why employers and leaders need to understand this new reality and respond accordingly. And she shares three tips for connecting across diverse backgrounds that could transform the way your teams get work done.

03:19

So much good stuff in today’s episode, take a listen.

Maria Ross  03:26

Hello, Tiffany du feu Welcome to the empathy edge podcast. I am so excited to have you here. And to hear your story and about all your wonderful work and helping to advance women

Tiffany Dufu  03:36

while being a fighter to be here. Thanks for having me.

Maria Ross  03:39

So let’s start off. You know, we heard a little bit in the introduction about your background, very impressive and the work that you’ve been doing. But let’s get a little personal. What is your story? And how did it lead you to this work at you know, founding the crew, first of all, and just the work of devoting your career to advancing women?

Tiffany Dufu  04:00

Oh, how much time do we have? My my life’s work is advancing women. That’s pretty much why I’m on the planet. I do mean that literally. For anyone who’s listening every job I’ve had every dollar I’ve donated every board I’ve sat on every social media post, every book I’ve written or contributed to is focused on how do we harness women and girls talent and ingenuity for the benefit of all of us. I’m very clear about that purpose. I don’t believe purpose is some mystical thing. I believe it’s simply a decision inspired by one or more experiences that we have in our lives. I could share a number of experiences that ladder up to that purpose. I’m the oldest of four girls so I’ve always been a big sister and I’m very committed to advancing them and therefore advancing all of my little sisters in the world. But probably the most pivotal has to do with my mom, Brenda, who found out that she was pregnant with me when she was 19 years old. My family My Parents are originally from watts, LA, and my dad joined the military, in order to just get out of the environment they were in it was the 1970s. At that time, Watts was a rough place, it was a rough time. And my parents really believed that if you wanted something that you’ve never had before, you’re going to have to do something you’ve never done before in order to get it. And so my upbringing was a bit of an experiment. When I was 16, my parents got divorced. And my mom who had been what I now call a non paid working mom, because all moms or working moms, yes, some are compensated, some of them are not really spun back into a vicious cycle of poverty and addiction and violence, that my parents had actually escaped and making that move. And in my dad joining the military, I had no idea what was happening to my mom, because I grew up as a preacher’s daughter, literally, with the white picket fence around my house, my dad had gone to college on the GI Bill eventually earned a PhD in theology. And that whole experience really taught me that we are the most powerful change agents in our own journey. I ultimately couldn’t save my mother, but I so appreciated how, for my first 16 years, she gave everything that she could to me, she taught me that I was smart, and that I was beautiful, and that I was loved. She actually told me that every single day as if it was the first time that she had ever said it, and I probably wake up every day, Maria just trying to get to as many women as I can. And just to whisper in their ears, whether it’s on a stage, through the crew, through a book through a social media post through this podcast right now. You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re loved, you can do this.

Maria Ross  06:58

Oh my gosh, I love that. I’m like, I’m getting chills listening to you. And that, you know, what a seminal experience to have that and to guide your work. And I love what you said about purpose not being some mystical thing. It’s a decision. Because I think we get too caught up, especially in the idea that we, you know, for me, I don’t actually believe we have one purpose. I think sometimes our purpose changes based on where we are or the stage of life we’re in or what our own context is. And we put so much pressure on ourselves to find that one purpose. And so someone listening to you might be like, wow, you know, I just don’t know what my one thing is. And it’s, I always say it’s okay to have more than one thing through the course of your life. Oh, totally.

Tiffany Dufu  07:39

Okay. And yeah, also feel like it just comes upon you. I don’t know anyone who was walking down the street and the skies opened up. And some voice of God inspired them to drop to their knees and to tell them that they are here to see but work with whales or something I know. Right? That I know I’ve had that experience. Know that. So I funny. I think that it really is just you deciding at whatever moment you know what it is for you. And I know multiple people who have chosen different purposes throughout their life to your point, I just happen to be one of those people that just sticks with the same hairstyle. I eat the same thing. I wear the same color nail polish, like, I’m just one of those.

Maria Ross  08:18

I love it. I love it. I’ve always been a little jealous of people like you to be honest. But yeah, I think that that’s such an important takeaway of purpose not being some mystical thing. So let’s talk a little bit about the crew. Tell us what the organization does. I know that you help women realize their intentions, you help organizations, according to your website, skyrocket their potential? What does that mean? What do we actually do? And who are you bringing together?

Tiffany Dufu  08:44

Yes, so the core is very focused on what we call women in the middle. You can think of women in middle management and the middle of their lives, in the middle of their country, in the middle of their careers, however you want to interpret in the middle. And basically, we found that they’re looking for three things they’re looking for meaning we all want to live this purposeful life, which is why we feel so much pressure to do that. We want advancement, we want evidence, evolution of the self, not just more money and you know, higher salary. And we also want some kind of integration. We want a holistic, rounded out experience and more and more we want our employers to value and to appreciate all the different aspects of our lives. And the challenge for women in the middle is that we’re socially conditioned to take care of everybody else. Our kids, our partners, our pets, our synagogues, our churches, our teams, our bosses, and what we often need is that whisper in our ear, like my mother’s whisper in my ear, reminding you of what you need to focus on in order for you to create a life that you’re passionate about. So we basically help women to figure out what are the things that you need to accomplish and realize in the next 12 months, in order for you to take it to the next level, whatever that means for you, we call those intentions, you can think of them as goals. And they’re tracked via digital tracking tool. And then we match you with a circle of about seven other people. So it’s eight of you and what we call a crew. And your crew is your accountability circle, you meet with them once a month that events called gatherings. And you use a pure inquiry based method of coaching one another in order to just hold one another accountable for your ambitions. And we do work with companies to support them in retaining and advancing their women in the middle through this process. It’s really beautiful. I’ve used the crew myself for the past few years. And it’s been a wonderful process. It’s not always easy to be held accountable. We say know that. It’s not always easy, but it is fruitful.

Maria Ross  10:53

Yes, I love that. I mean, that’s really the idea is that is that we’re moving forward. And it doesn’t mean we’re not taking steps back sometimes, or that it’s not, you know, that it’s going to be comfortable all the time. But the whole journey of, of growing and achieving and I love that you call them intentions and not goals, because I think there’s that goals can be such a loaded word. And you know, as a brand, strategist words are very important. And so the fact that you even call it a gathering the fact that you’re calling it a crew, and not sort of like an accountability group, you know, something really scary and corporate, I just I really, I really admire that and that intentionality of giving words that invite people in giving these these things, names that invite people in, versus putting up another barrier to especially women achieving their intentions. So well, words

Tiffany Dufu  11:45

matter a lot to me, I’m I’m English major, but also words have just changed my life. I read a lot of books, I spend a lot of time thinking and writing. And in fact, one of the reasons why I said yes to this, and I wanted to be a part of this is because empathy is a very important word to me and my family. In fact, empathy is the only word I need my kids memorize the definition of I love it. Anybody know what empathy is? So a words matter. And I respect that you appreciate that.

Maria Ross  12:14

Thank you. Well, let’s talk about that. So so why is why is the idea of putting folks into groups in connection, so important to, to Success and Engagement? What is the magic that happens in a group?

Tiffany Dufu  12:28

Yes, I’m not sure that it’s magic. We’re all 90% more likely to realize an intention, if we one, write it down and are tracking it in some way. And to if we meet on a regular basis with one or more people in our lives, to just remind us of what we were supposed to do. That’s how accountability works. So I’m not sure if there’s any magic to it. But certainly, for someone who is very overwhelmed, very busy, has a lot of things on their plate. It is rather refreshing to take a step back once a month, and really devote some time and attention to what is it that I said I was going to do this year?

Maria Ross  13:14

Why am I Where was I going?

Tiffany Dufu  13:15

Yeah. Where was I going? Like, what is the point of this, this thing called life, I think is something that’s unique. If there’s any magic, it’s just, you know, taking the time in the moment to do that when we don’t normally do it right. And to do it in community and collaboration with others, I think is just a beautiful part of the human experience.

Maria Ross  13:37

Well, I think that objective point of view is also very valuable, because we can we can say all day long, but I’ll hold myself accountable. But we’re busy and life is overwhelming. And we’re bombarded with so much in today’s world, that the best of intentions of us trying to do it on our own, can get lost. And that’s why I think it’s so beautiful that there’s this, this concept of a group that is reminding you of what’s going on when things get messy when things get overwhelming and loud and busy and crazy as life is want to do. So given that and given what we’ve been through for the last few years. I would love to talk to you about you know, you started the crew in 2019. And then, which ironically, was when the empathy edge book came out. And then the world shut down. Right. So what is actually going on for women in their careers and their workplaces? We heard so much in the media about the fact that the pandemic really pushed women back a little bit because when people were leaving the workforce, it was predominantly women that were pausing their careers and leaving the workforce to take care of their children or their families. Was that an accurate depiction of what was going on? And are we starting to bounce back from that? What are you seeing?

Tiffany Dufu  14:53

Yes, it’s a good question. I think there are two things that happened in the wake of the pandemic. The first was that at all of the domestic labor that women had been fulfilling, indirectly, meaning we had outsourced a lot of it, or piecemealed, or figured out how to get support doing all of that, that infrastructure was just pulled out from underneath us overnight. Because anyone who picked up a child came to cook dinner, anyone who used to drop them off at any anything that happened in relationship to all the domestic labor, all of a sudden you had to do and all of a sudden was under your roof. To be clear, we were always responsible for it. But because we found ways to either outsource or we have some kind of supporting infrastructure, we convinced ourselves to believe that it totally wasn’t on us, when we discovered in the wake of the pandemic, no, no, it’s really on you. And you really have to do this. And so that was a lot of pressure, it was a lot of work. And it was very difficult to manage. But the other thing that happened was that the aperture for what work actually is got expanded. It used to be that if I was in sales, and I really enjoyed solving problems for my clients, for my customers, and I really enjoyed talking to them and engaging with them. But I had a boss who was kind of a jerk, and didn’t give me the flexibility I wanted, I saw my work is something that I loved. And the boss is like something that I just kind of had to deal with. Somehow, in the wake of the pandemic, and everything that we were facing, the boss, that was the jerk became a part of the job. Like that became a part and it became no longer worth it. To have to deal with in flexibility, or people who you don’t feel valued you when all of a sudden you’re also doing all of these things at home, you’re feeling an enormous amount of pressure, you’re trying to keep everybody healthy. And I think that we had a real moment of what is it that I’m really doing here? And is it working all of a sudden now everything became a part of the work and flexibility and values and empathy became that much more important. And I actually think it forced us to make some more strategic decisions about how we wanted to spend our time how we were going to do that. And so I think some of the losing women from the workforce had to do with just the pragmatism of she’s got a whole other job that she asked to do. But I think especially for women who could not afford to just leave the workforce, really these questions around what is important to me, how do I want to spend my time now that I have even fewer little hours in a day? And is it really worth it for me to be in a place where yes, I might love the work, but there but who do I work with? What is the what are the values of the company? What is the culture? Are they providing me the flexibility? And all of a sudden that became much more important? And we got optionality. And so I think a lot of women left but then a lot of women moved to different organizations, yes, launched businesses, just the willingness to take the risk lessened.

Maria Ross  18:14

Yeah, well, when you’re, you know, when you’re sort of metaphorically facing rock bottom, it doesn’t seem like as much of a risk anymore, you know, got it. It’s sort of like, we’re here. And this is our only option. So let’s launch the business. Let’s go after the new career. Let’s go back to school, let’s do the things that we can. I really find it interesting what you’re talking about, about, you know, oftentimes it was women who obviously would take on the brunt in many relationships. I know there are always exceptions to the rule. But on the whole, that’s what the data show. But you know, another another aspect to the fight for pay equity, for example, is that what happened during the pandemic of women being the ones in the partnership or in the family that ended up leaving their jobs, to take care of children or take care of whatever needed to be taken care of, was also also hurt men. Because if there was pay equity, men, some men would have had that choice. But because on the hole in a relationship, many men are making more than the women in the relationship. And I read an article I wish I could remember where it was. So I could put it in the show notes. But it talks about the fact that this is what we mean by lack of pay equity hurts everybody, not just women. And we actually limited men’s choices during the pandemic, because of that dynamic. And it goes even

Tiffany Dufu  19:36

further. It goes even further, Maria, because when men can’t be engaged at home, because now they’re having to work overdrive because they’re now the primary breadwinner, it deprives kids, you know, yes, people in the home of having access to multiple ways of doing things, of executing tasks and so everyone wins when everyone is a Well to engage in both the private sphere and the public.

Maria Ross  20:04

Absolutely. And, like the follow up question to that, that I was asking was, are you seeing, you know, as the makeup of the women in the different crews changes, as you know, now that not that the pandemic is over, but as we’re sort of coming out of it, hopefully with a light at the end of the tunnel, at some point, are you seeing a change in how women are approaching their careers and work? Because of what they went through? In the pandemic?

Tiffany Dufu  20:30

Yes, I’m seeing women who are a little bit more senior, really thinking about what was going to be my next the next stage sooner probably than they would have. I’m seeing a lot of portfolio careers. So you know, I’m going to do this day job, but I’ve got a side hustle, what are some other things that I can do to sustain myself and really explore, you know, what the options are a lot more people taking, you know, the risk, quote, unquote, risk of starting their own business. But also, I think a lot of people really thinking about what are the opportunities within my company, what is the career trajectory that I can carve out for myself, given this new insight that I have about what’s most important to me, and what’s really valuable, and in some ways, really, it’s fueled the ambition, to want to do more, to want to be more. So I think it’s changed everyone that shaped everyone, but depending upon where they are, they’re having different responses to it.

Maria Ross  21:41

Well, and I think, you know, kind of relevant to the topic of empathy that we talk about on the show all the time. It’s understanding that that’s what many of these women are thinking and feeling right now. And so, you know, if you are a sea level leader, an HR leader, someone working with your company, culture and executive development, to understand that this is where women are right now. And this is what they’re thinking, what are you as an organization and a culture, doing to address that to either respond to it, or provide flexibility around it or lean into it so that, you know, we can keep people and retain that top talent. So I love that you’re sharing this, this insight with all the women that you work with, that you’re seeing this trend?

Tiffany Dufu  22:24

Oh, absolutely. One of the most important things that I’ve encouraged managers to do and organizations to do is to really communicate your allegiance to the women in your organization, beyond whatever team they’re on. One of the intentions that is uploaded on our platform at the crew in relationship to career is finding a new job. And companies that we partner with are often very alarmed that their employees are uploading that they want to find a new job. But when you look deeper at the data, what you’ll discover is that they want to find a new job, but they don’t necessarily want to find a new company. It’s just that navigating the politics, particularly with their manager of the fact that they don’t want to be on that team, or there’s something else that they want to explore. It’s so much more complicated than just going and applying for a job outside of the organization. And so in as much as senior leaders can really communicate the multitude of pathways for growth and development within a company outside of the team that someone is currently in is so important. So they can feel that they can grow, even if it’s not with that manager on that particular team. I love that

Maria Ross  23:37

you’re saying this, because I just recently recorded another podcast that will have probably already aired by the time we aired this one. So I will put a link in the show notes to it with the chief learning officer at TBWA worldwide Rhonda George Dennison. And she was talking about the fact that they have such a strong ethos that their company about betting on their people, and having a very clear and pragmatic understanding that they may only have those performers for three or four years. And then they might move on. But it’s about helping elevate them, and nourish them and support them and helping them grow and expand while they’re there. And I just loved that refreshing, realistic mindset of understanding. You know, we don’t have lifers anymore. And I think there’s still a lot of companies out there that still have that smug mindset, that well, you should just be thankful you have a job and you’re going to you know, you’re going to be here and you’re going to put up with whatever for 20 or 30 years. That’s not the way it works anymore. And I love the way TBWA worldwide is leaning into that and going we are going to develop you as much as possible. So you are completely productive. And their goal is not to keep people there their whole career. But for people to look back on their career and say I did my best work in that role. Even if I was new there three or four years. I know right? It’s just Whoa, if every refreshing, it’s refreshing because if every company operated that way, they’d actually You know, I think I titled the podcast episode, like how betting on your people leads to market dominance, because that is the attitude that’s going to help you win. And this is why again, you know, empathy is not just good for society, it’s great for business. It’s following that empathy to your people, so that you can meet them where they are. And they will, they will, you know, Storm bridges for you, they will do the work, they will innovate, they will create, they will move the needle in terms of the performance of the company, if you bet on them. And you know, your work helping companies bet on women is so important, because it’s especially those groups that have not been bet on before.

Tiffany Dufu  25:40

That’s it? That’s so true.

Maria Ross  25:42

So can you talk to me a little bit about your either your personal philosophy or the philosophy of the crew, on the role empathy can play, when you’re ensuring meaningful and fruitful connections.

Tiffany Dufu  25:56

So at the crew, we use an inquiry based peer coaching model that in a lot of ways is rooted in empathy. And one of the things that we teach and we have to recalibrate our members around is what empathy really is, when it comes to supporting other people. Oftentimes, what we find in the very beginning is that a member of who is being coached, who has an intention and might be struggling, shares, what their challenges, and then someone else will weigh in with either what they did, when they weren’t in that person situation, or what they imagined they would do, if they were in that person situation. Because since we were in kindergarten, we were told that to be a good steward is to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. And so that’s why we do that. But that actually is not empathy, in the way that we need it to happen. When you’re trying to hold space. For others. Empathy is about actually taking yourself out of the center of someone else’s experience, and really holding space for them and keeping them at the center of their own experience by asking them questions, like, what is challenging about this for you? Who else should be involved? Well, what would happen if you asked for exactly what you wanted? What do you need from us in order for you to be able to move forward? That’s empathy. And so for us at the crew, it’s really about recalibrating empathy from I’m going to tell this person what to do to, I’m really going to hold back and I’m really going to support this person honoring their feelings, their emotions, their challenges, their barriers, their opportunities, they can find some success, I think it’s really critical. It’s critical at the crew, it’s critical in my family, it’s critical in my life

Maria Ross  27:56

in life, right? Yeah, I mean, that’s, you know, I spend many of my talks at the beginning debunking the myths of what people think empathy is. And what you’re describing is something I call empathy, hijacking, which we do with the best of intentions, yeah, when we hear someone’s story, and we say, and we think we’re connecting with that, we actually think we’re being empathetic by saying, I know how you feel, because one time when I did this, and then all of a sudden the story is about you and not them. And there might be an appropriate time to share that information. But you have to ask for consent. You know, would it be helpful to you if I shared something similar that I went through? And someone could say, No, I just really want to vent right now. Right? Or, or? No, that’s, that’s gonna be very different from my situation. And so again, I think we do it with the best of intentions. I know, I’ve been guilty of it in the past. And I’ve talked about it on the show before, but I survived a near fatal brain injury in the past of ruptured brain aneurysm. And when I was going through my very difficult, amazing recovery, you know, that’s how people connected with me because they felt uncomfortable. They didn’t know what else to say. And so it was like, Oh, I know exactly how you feel. I forget things all the time. And I have to write things down, or I know exactly how you feel. I think you’re just getting older. And maybe it wasn’t the brain injury that’s causing this cognitive deficit. It’s something else. And again, very good intentions. But intention is not the same as impact. And so I love that you’re actively working on that with the crew. And really what you said recalibrating people around, remembering that it’s about their experience and their story and what they need, and really being with them and there may come a time in place where you can share the benefit of your experience. If they ask I need to what I need is to know how you handled it. Tiffany, did you ever experience anything like this? What did you do in that situation? Or what would you do if you were me? And sometimes we do ask those questions. But sometimes that’s not what we need in that moment.

Tiffany Dufu  29:56

I learned a new term empathy hijacking. I love that Yeah, we’ll use that and give you credit TM

Maria Ross  30:02

No, I’m just kidding. It’s not to him. But I mean, because it’s true. And like I said, I have not perfect. And I’ve been guilty of it too, because I think we’re not. We’re not educated about empathy. And, you know, my son’s eighth, and they’re doing a lot more social emotional learning than they did when I was in school. And I’m, you know, they are starting to understand the language and a little bit of the difference between empathy and sympathy and all these things. But I love that you’re working on it actively with the women in your community. One kind of last topic for us to talk about is I would love to have your perspective or even how the crew sets the expectation. What are some of the best ways to connect with people across diverse experiences and backgrounds? What have you found has worked well, because when you’re putting these crews together, people are coming from very different places, and very different upbringings even, and life experiences. So

30:57

what is your advice? Or what is your philosophy at the

Maria Ross  31:00

crew around helping these women connect and create trust in a very short period of time with people that might be very different from them?

Tiffany Dufu  31:09

Great question. There are three things that I think are important in order to do that.

Maria Ross  31:13

I love that, yes, everything’s right now?

Tiffany Dufu  31:16

Well, because we’re all about building meaningful connections at the crew. And you’re absolutely correct that when you’re matching people who don’t know one another, then you really have to level set expectations. So first is around having some kind of organizing principle, that is the foundation for why it is you’re coming together. For us at the crew, its intentions, we are here to help one another realize our life intentions. And that is the core purpose of the gathering. It’s not to bend, it’s not to quilt, it’s not to dish. We’re here specifically for that purpose. And we all share that common mission of supporting one another and doing that. The second thing is to really set norms to set expectations. What does effective communication mean to you? What does commitment mean to you and to really identify the behaviors that people are going to agree upon that denotes commitment, and I hone in on commitment, because it’s something that in a meaningful relationship, you have to feel a sense of in order for you to feel like this is really working, one of the things that we do is we set a norm around response time, because there are some people, I don’t know, let’s say a publicist, who lives in a 24 hour news cycle. And if a member reaches out to her, where she reaches out to a member, and there’s no response, within six hours, the person is ignoring them, you might have another person who was in the publishing world, that person disappears for an entire week to read a manuscript. And so their notion of response time around commitment is very different. And so okay, we’re going to agree that 72 hours is going to be our response time, if I don’t hear from another from one of the members of my court and 72 hours, then I’m going to, I can then think, well, something’s wrong, they’re not being responsive to me, if it has 72 hours haven’t passed, they’re in their own worlds, they’re doing their own thing. So I think that having an organizing principle, setting norms from the beginning, and then third, having a very clear mechanism for how you’re going to interact with one another. And that provides some kind of structure. So for us, it is the actual gathering, people take turns, there’s a timekeeper, there’s a note taker, people share, they receive a series of open ended questions from their crew, I think that’s really important to teach people how to engage with one another in a new way. Otherwise, all of the people who didn’t go through the programming that your son’s going through at eight, to learn how to be empathetic with the between empathy and sympathy, they’re gonna bring all of their expectations to the table, and people are gonna be crossing each other

Maria Ross  34:03

completely. And I mean, and that’s true across whether whatever industry they’re in or whatever, you know, there’s there’s cultural differences as well. You know, where, what country are you from? Where are you from, there’s different, there’s different constructs of time in different places, you know, having traveled a lot, it can be frustrating to someone from the United States to go somewhere like Spain or to Italy and understand that time does not work the same way in terms of getting back I’m,

Tiffany Dufu  34:29

I’m from Seattle, married to a man from Ghana, Africa. So we live in our home with a different, very different constructs around

Maria Ross  34:38

time. Oh, completely. And I’m from New York originally, but I’ve lived on the West Coast since 1999. And it’s a different thing. It’s a completely different thing. So, but I love this because you can kind of map this to organizational components like number one being like your mission and vision, your why what is your organizing principle number two, your norms and expectations are Just you know, your, your culture, your values, how you get things done. And, you know, similar to number three as well, but also just why are we here? Who are we serving? And how are we going to work together. And often we, those are things that people feel like they don’t have to spend time on in an organization or in any group, in a parent teacher group or not, you know, a volunteer group, we kind of skip those steps. And then it brings about so many issues, and especially in the workplace, we should not be skipping those steps, just like we wouldn’t skip somebody’s orientation, or, you know, helping them figure out where the bathroom is, and how to get their laptop, all those things, we still need to do that within groups. And even within groups that are dynamic and forming and reforming, like different project teams, or different whatever, even though you know those people, you might not know them in the context of the project or the team that you’re working on with them. And so taking the time to set those principles upfront. And those expectations up front is so powerful, and that is empathy. Because that’s all about I always believe that setting clear expectations is actually empathetic. Because then you’re providing you’re not leaving people in the dark. You’re giving them some guidance, and that that to me is a very empathetic thing to be very clear about expectations. So I thank you for that. So this has been a wonderful conversation. Tell us a little bit before we leave about your book, drop the ball achieving more by doing less.

Tiffany Dufu  36:30

Tell us about oh, I wrote a book called drop the ball because I’m someone who used to be terrified of ever dropping a ball. I used to think it was the worst thing you could do. It meant that you were failing to take timely action and disappointing yourself, your community. In my case, as dramatic as it sounds, I would be disappointing the entire black race as in, they’re never going to hire another black person again, if I mess this up. So I did not develop some amazing philosophy on how to get over this or dropped the ball. I just had a life changing event. Many people have them. For me, it was the birth of my first child, it could be a diagnosis, it could be a traumatic brain injury, it could be anything that causes you to have all of your balls all over the floor. And I just had a huge epiphany that when that happened to me, Armageddon never hit all the things that I was always worried would happen. None of them happened. No one called to tell me they didn’t love me anymore. I didn’t get fired. No one came to arrest me. So I just overtime decided to reappropriate the word really looking at why do I feel so much pressure to keep all these balls in the air to begin with. And that really was the impetus for for the book and supporting other individuals, women men in the life with just figuring out what matters most to you and how to engage others and how to be efficient in your life.

Maria Ross  37:53

I love it. Well, we will have a link to the book as well in the show notes as well as all the links to stay in touch with you. Where’s the best place people can find out more about

Tiffany Dufu  38:01

you and your work? Oh, the crew.com Tiffany do foo.com I’ve got great SEO I think I’m the only Tiffany do foo in the world. So everything every

Maria Ross  38:14

I love it. I love it. At least you’re not I compete with a some anime character from a video game that’s named Lieutenant Maria Ross. So yeah, that’s what I get to compete with. But yeah, and we should say the crew, th e CR u.com. And again, we will have all your links in the show notes. But this has been such a delightful conversation. Thank you, thank you for the work that you’re doing to elevate and advance women and, you know, like you said on your website, what you want on your tombstone, I think you’re gonna achieve it. She got to as many women as she could. And you’re well on your way to getting to as many women as you can. So thank you. Thank you. It’s been a joy. And thank you everyone for listening to another episode and another wonderful guest on the empathy edge podcast. You know what to do. If you liked what you heard, please share it with a colleague and don’t forget to rate and review and until we meet again next time. Always remember that cashflow? Creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind.

Maria Ross  39:17

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access shownotes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Dr. Gina Baleria: Empathy in Journalism and Today’s Media Landscape

Modern media and the state of journalism today is, well…interesting. With fake news, misinformation, and clickbait – combined with more news outlets folding or being snapped up by private equity companies – it’s a bit of a minefield. So I reached out to my friend Dr. Gina Baleria to help us make sense of it all. 

Today, Gina and I talk about the state of the journalism industry. We discuss that in addition to knowing how to write, research, and interview, journalists need intangible skills such as empathy, curiosity, community engagement, and tenacity to ensure all voices are included and authentically conveyed.  We discuss how journalists balance empathy and connection with their task at hand. Gina also shares how we, as consumers, can reduce our draw to misinformation, why media plays to our emotions, and offers strategies to help us build media literacy so we  consume it in a more thoughtful way to engage and see each other’s humanity, rather than disconnect.

 To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Social media allows for more voices to be heard that may not previously have had a platform. This is a double-edged sword.
  • Journalists can put the information out into the world, but they do not have control over how consumers choose to engage with that content. 
  • Have external cues to stop yourself from Doom Scrolling on social media. The more “suggested for you” content you look at, the more you will be shown. 
  • Give yourself pause to do a little bit of research before you share inflammatory news articles or posts. You have the option to be discerning about what you choose to consume and share. 

“As people are less aware of what’s going on in their local community, and only see national news, studies show that lack leads to more polarization, which leads to less civic engagement, which leads to a whole host of issues.” —  Dr. Gina Baleria

About Dr. Gina Baleria:

Dr. Gina Baleria, Ed.D., is an assistant professor of digital media, media writing, podcasting, and journalism at Sonoma State University and a former broadcast and digital journalist. Her book, The Journalism Behind Journalism explores how to cultivate intangible journalistic skills, such as curiosity, empathy, tenacity, recognizing implicit biases, and writing inclusively. Gina also produces and hosts the podcast News in Context. Prior to teaching, Gina was an award-winning broadcast & digital journalist at stations including KCBS Radio, KGO TV, & KGO Radio in San Francisco; KXTV & KFBK in Sacramento; and KCAL in Los Angeles. She also helped create and manage a digital newsroom at the nonpartisan nonprofit governance organization, California Forward. Outside of work, Gina enjoys hiking, reading, and spending time with friends and family. She and her husband live in San Francisco. 

Connect with Gina Baleria:

Book: The Journalism Behind Journalism:  Going Beyond the Basics to Train Effective Journalists in a Shifting Landscape (Routledge 2021) Also available on Amazon.

Her podcast: News in Context http://newsincontext.net/

Sonoma State University: https://coms.sonoma.edu/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ginabaleria/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/newsdawg13

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/newsincontext/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/newsincontextsf

Episode References: 

Don’t forget to download your free guide! Discover The 5 Business Benefits of Empathy: http://red-slice.com/business-benefits-empathy

Connect with Maria: 

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Twitter: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.

Modern media and the state of journalism today is well interesting. With fake news, misinformation and clickbait, combined with more news outlets folding or being snapped up by private equity companies. It’s a bit of a minefield, so I reached out to my friend, Dr. Gina Valeria to help us make sense of it all. Gina is an award winning former broadcast and digital journalist, Assistant Professor of Journalism Media Writing radio and podcasting and digital media, and the host and producer of the news in context podcast. She’s the author of the journalism behind journalism, going beyond the basics to train effective journalists in a shifting landscape. And she co authored writing and reporting news for the 21st century. Her research and creative interests revolve around news and digital media literacy, podcasting and digital engagement and communication across socially salient differences. And Gina helped create manage a digital newsroom at the nonpartisan nonprofit governance organization, California Forward. Today, Gina and I talk about the state of the journalism industry. We discussed that in addition to knowing how to write research and interview, today’s journalists need intangible skills such as empathy, curiosity, community engagement, and tenacity to ensure all voices are included and authentically conveyed.

Maria Ross  01:43

We discuss how journalists balance empathy and connection with their task at hand. And Gina shares how we as consumers can reduce our draw to misinformation, why media plays to our emotions, and she offers strategies to help us build media literacy. So we consume it in a more thoughtful way to engage and see each other’s humanity rather than disconnect. This was such a thought provoking talk, and I hope you enjoy it.

Maria Ross  02:21

I’m so excited to welcome my friend and journalism experts Gina Valeria to the podcast today. Welcome Gina.

Dr. Gina Baleria  02:28

Oh, I’m so excited.

Maria Ross  02:30

So I do have to tell listeners how we know each other because we’ve known each other for years. And we met when we did an independent theater production together. The women of Manhattan and it was amazing. And we’ve been in touch ever since. And I’ve just watched your career and your your accomplishments just grow and grow and grow over the years. And I love that you are helping to teach the next generation of journalists, I know this is something you feel really passionate about. Let’s talk a little bit about the state of journalism today. And what is our disconnect to what’s happening?

Dr. Gina Baleria  03:11

When you say disconnect, you mean the fact that there’s all this reality going on? And then there’s this ecosystem that doesn’t seem to match? Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, it’s it’s such a big issue. I don’t think there’s one thing but I, I, you know, if you’re talking about journalism, the industry and the information, first of all, social media, everybody has access, and everybody can say anything they want. And if you make it look a certain way, if you say the right things, use the right buzzwords, people will start to trust you and follow you and you can be led into rabbit holes and, and social media is you have your own reality there. And in a way that can be great because voices that weren’t able to break into traditional legacy forms of media can now make their voices heard. So that’s really amazing. But there’s always a flip side. And the flip side is people can again, create their own ecosystems. And we then start to live in different realities with different information, and very disconnected from each other inside social media bubbles and filter bubbles. So social media, and the way it sort of structured and, you know, the algorithms push us, the algorithms on a lot of social media platforms are designed to push us into these filter bubbles, and not to connect us across differences. And then with regard to the journalism industry itself, there has been, you know, a real contraction over the past several years. And that has been accelerated by hedge funds buying up local news outlets, not because they care about journalism, but because those local news outlets own real estate, and you can sell that for a profit and then sort of siphon the money out of the community rather than reinvesting in journalism. So these newspapers have just been doing more and more with fewer and fewer resources. And they’ve had you know, fewer reporters and other staff to come hover, there are local communities that the pages are then filled with syndicated content and advertising content. And as people are less aware of what’s going on in their local community, and only seeing national news, there are studies that show that lack that leads to more polarization that leads to less civic engagement that leads to a whole host of issues. So we’re in this place now where we’re really kind of fractured, and we can see it in, in our news, and it’s, um, I’m not quite sure how to solve it. But I am trying to be part of that conversation.

Maria Ross  05:32

You are trying your small but mighty attempts to to change that. Do you think the quality of reporters and journalists have changed?

Dr. Gina Baleria  05:41

You know, honestly, I don’t. I’m not sure I can answer that. I’m not sure. I’m the one to really answer that. But here’s what I’ll say. I think it’s always been true that you’ve had a spectrum of people doing amazing journalism doing mediocre journalism did bad journalism. But not everyone had the largest megaphone. You know, even back when Edward R. Murrow was doing his amazing journalism, you know, he was a standout right. Even back when the muckrakers the investigative journalists of the late 19th and early 20th century, were coming on the scene and creating policy change, you know, like instigating policy change. You also had yellow journalism in the late 19th century, which was tablet journalism. So I don’t necessarily think the quality has changed. In fact, I think that people who do journalism are very dedicated to it. But I think it just becomes difficult to do everything you want to do with your resources. And then of course, you have people who are in journalism, or who say they’re doing journalism and are right

Maria Ross  06:35

doing I was gonna say the people that say they’re journalists, but they’re actually not they’re opining, they’re not sort of following I don’t want to say the rules of journalism, but it is a it is a practice, it is a profession. And it, it just feels like and I don’t know, maybe this is my Gen X showing that this this integrity, that I felt like was more present in journalism in terms of, you know, verifying your sources and, you know, not revealing everything until you had all the facts. And just, I don’t know, I fit just feels like those of us that are not in journalism, it feels like that slipped a little bit. And I would love some reassurance, although I don’t know that you’re the one that can give me the reassurance. That’s not the case. I think we see these, these highlights of people that are still trying to you know, they’re still the people we can trust. They’re still going to be unbiased. I mean, Judy Woodruff comes to mind for me, in terms of listening to NPR and, and PBS. But, you know, as you said, a lot of these news outlets are beholden to different people than they were before.

Dr. Gina Baleria  07:46

Right? And I think yeah, and I do think those standouts are there for me, it’s Rachel Martin on NPR. Oh, yes. She’s my favorite interviewer. I think she’s amazing. There are and there are a lot of standout journalists. And I’m so I’m not sure if the quality has slipped, per se. I mean, you can argue that, I think it just there are more voices, there are fewer resources, good journalists can’t do everything they want to do, they got to move on. And then maybe there’s even an aspect of training or an aspect of maybe not really knowing you want to be a journalist, you get out there in the world, and you don’t really have the tools to do journalism. Well, and I always say, you know, it is a practice, you’re doing journalism. So you know, for me, that means applying a process of verification, a plot, a process of transparency, a process of, of skepticism, etc, to to your news gathering and a process of trying to get aside your bias or your own your own biases, to make sure that you are really seeing what’s out there and not missing it, because you have blind spots. And we all have blind spots. Let’s be clear, that’s not a it’s not a negative word. I know that it bias has been sort of CO opted as a negative thing. But it’s an evolutionary trait.

Maria Ross  08:53

It’s human. And also, you’re always going to have your own human perspective, when you investigate a story. When you report a story, the people you choose to interview. And so that is that is the one the one positive one of the positives around the proliferation of media is like you said at the beginning, there’s voices we haven’t heard before. And perspectives we haven’t heard before, that now have a platform where we can hear stories that we never would have heard with traditional, you know, white male journalists that used to dominate the field. So I’m very heartened by that. Now, your book, the journalism behind journalism, going beyond the basics to train effective journalists in a shifting landscape. Thank you for writing that book. You also co authored a book called writing and reporting news for the 21st century. And so I want to talk a little bit about modern journalism and the modern, not so much the media landscape but modern journalism and the skills that are required by modern journalists to To continue to report stories that matter stories that are unbiased stories that inform and enlighten and engage us, you talked in, in your book about the fact of relating some intangibles to the practice of journalism, like Curiosity, empathy, implicit bias in order to get solid journalism. So can you talk to us a little bit about that, and especially the idea of centering communities impacted by a story, absolutely journalism, to ensure that we’re getting fair and accurate reporting?

Dr. Gina Baleria  10:34

Absolutely. So the basics of journalism, you know, how to write well how to interview, how to do, how to do research, how to use all of those, those are being taught across journalism, schools, and those are important, those remain important, this remain foundational. But the reason I wrote the book was because I started thinking about all of these things, there are these other skills, that I sort of noticed that my students weren’t they weren’t being cultivated in my students, other skills were being cultivated. And that, you know, I think different generations, different skills are cultivated in older generations, like, oh, they don’t know, but I don’t think that’s it at all, I think, you know, they have a different set of skills that are going to be very quite valuable. But I, I started seeing a need to maybe be intentional about teaching some of these skills like curiosity, and empathy and tenacity, and recognizing your own unconscious biases, and intentionally thinking about communities outside your own and who’s impacted by the who should be centered in this story. So, um, so yeah, you know, I wrote this book. And the reason these things are important to me is, you know, to be a good journalist, you have to have empathy for the person in front of you. And it doesn’t mean, you have to agree with them. But you have to see their humanity, you have to see them as human, or you’re not gonna be able to do the story. If you walk in with it with a stereotype or a preconceived idea or an assumption, you’re missing the story, or you’re flat out gonna miss the story. I always tell my students when I’m teaching them to write, you can’t. You can’t say if someone is arrested for committing a murder, you can’t say they committed the murder, you weren’t there. You can say they were arrested. Because you know that you can say they are accused, you can say they’re on trial, you can say they’re convicted. But how many times do we then have to say they were exonerated? You know, that happens more often than not than we think. So so you can’t you can’t be the judge, jury and executioner, you have to just report what you know. And you have to, you know, look at the story and, and see you the other side to it. So a couple examples you mentioned earlier, getting outside the traditional white male voice that that is seen as neutral, which is not neutral at all. It’s its own bias perspective. And there are some journalists who’ve done some great things I want to specifically call out, there’s a book out and a movie, she said, and that’s Megan Kanter, Jodi Kantor and Megan Toohey, who are who wrote about the Harvey Weinstein, sexual assaults. And they were able and of course, there was also Ronan Farrow, who was doing his own journalism and the three of them were able to bring the story to light. And it really had a profound impact on on women being able to share their voices or call out their accusers or feel empowered and, and it it ended up putting this, you know, convicted perpetrator now Harvey Weinstein behind bars, and it was massive. And it was because, you know, I would argue, to women, were able to have the bring that perspective to the table of understanding what women go through and how serious it actually is. And to pursue that story and have a passion for pursuing that story. There were two other journalists at the Cleveland Plain Dealer several years ago, who wrote about they were they found out that Cleveland had a bunch of untested rape kits. And they were like, how many untested rape kits, and it was a lot of 1000s. And then across across Ohio was 10. Like, it was so much. And so they wrote about it, but why, why why are these untested? And and they started doing a series and because of their series, the police department started testing the rape kits, and they discovered serial rapists that if they had just tested the rape kits, they would have caught them way before they convicted, further assaults. And they talk about the that fact of you know, not you know, it wasn’t a bias. It was a perspective, I am a woman, this is important, this matters. And we’re going to cover this story. And I’m not saying a male wouldn’t cover that story. I’m saying I’m not sure that there would have been the devotion to another stories might come up or, or the awareness that that story needed to be covered. So you know, so bringing your perspective to the table can give us a lot of and that same with Trayvon Martin, the Trayvon Martin killing. In Florida several years ago, there was a black journalist who just the story was kind of a blip, and that he thought his name escapes me right now, but he thought Hmm, that’s you was odd that somebody doesn’t seem right about that. So he started doing his own digging, and because of that journalist, who, again, again, brought his experiences to the table, we got good journalism. And we were able to really get into a story we needed to get into that was, well,

Maria Ross  15:16

we were able to find out the truth, if you want to find out the one committed to pursuing the story to the end. Exactly. And so my question, and I know a lot of people have this question. Yeah, I remember, especially when people were reporting at the beginning of the the war in Ukraine, the invasion? Yeah. And they were covering, you know, they were filming these children trying to cross the border into Poland. And people were wondering, well, why doesn’t the person filming or the person reporting? Get involved? And so can you talk to us a little bit, you know, as lay people who are not in journalism, what’s what’s the, what’s the rule? What’s the principle around how involved a reporter can get in a story before then they are, they are part of the story, which is what you don’t want.

Dr. Gina Baleria  16:03

Right? Um, I think if you see someone, I think it’s up to the individual journalist, I mean, you’re there to do a job because your job is bringing this issue to light for the massive audience. Right. And without you there, this story doesn’t get out into the world. So if I put my camera down, to go help the night? Sure, maybe I helped that one person, but maybe a bunch of other people, then suffer. I’m not saying I wouldn’t help I have no idea what I would do. I am because there are there are plenty of examples of journalists who are engaged in the practice of journalism who see something and then just can’t and stop and go home. Right,

Maria Ross  16:44

right. Empathy is too is too much, you know? And so I’m just wondering what role that that personal empathy plays for Reporter Is it a is it for for reporters who are very empathetic by nature? Is it really hard for them?

Dr. Gina Baleria  17:01

I think most reporters alive I don’t know if I speak it. But I think empathy is a trait, I would say. There are a lot of reporters and myself included, after 911, who went through PTSD, who, you know, but we don’t get the we’re first responders in a lot of ways. And we, you know, fire police paramedics they have, they have structures and systems in place to deal with trauma. And journalists just don’t there’s a center called the Dart center, that actually focuses on trauma in journalism, and helping journalists manage that. But you hear about journalists getting burnout. And sometimes it’s that trauma, it’s that PTSD. But if you tell a story well and do good and get the truth out and make a difference that can mitigate the impact somewhat. But it’s someone who sits there and holds the camera and films it and doesn’t go help. That person’s not unsympathetic that person is just as affected is probably going to experience PTSD.

Maria Ross  18:04

But they’re,

Dr. Gina Baleria  18:05

you know, they made a decision. And in that moment, which you have to make these split second decisions all the time, what’s going to do the greatest good, it’s always weighing right? It’s right, it’s weighing it. If I do this, that’s going to be good. But if I do this, that’s going to be do more good. Right? Yeah.

Maria Ross  18:22

Right. You’re making those hard choices. Yeah. And so when you you know, in your book, and when you teach your students, what do you teach them around developing empathy, because I know you believe that empathy is an important skill to to be a solid journalist. So how do you talk to them around balancing that? Oh,

Dr. Gina Baleria  18:38

yeah, I mean, I talked to them about self care, I have a chapter in my book on self care. And I talked to them about putting structures and systems in place to manage, because trauma will happen, you will cover hard things, you will cover things that you’re never going to unsee and, and you know, for me, it was worth it. It’s to the mission of getting the truth out informing the public so that they had the information to be able to make decisions, it was worth it. Totally worth it. But you have to manage that. And you talk about personal empathy. And so the way I would define empathy is that it’s, it’s just seeing the humanity in another again, it doesn’t mean you’re agreeing, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean you’re because because there’s that sort of, over empathizing, and, and getting too personally involved.

Maria Ross  19:25

You can’t you have to have boundaries. If you if you are going to be effectively empathetic with someone, you still have to protect yourself and you can, you can understand someone you can connect with them on an emotional level. But I often talk about the myths of empathy, which is that it doesn’t it’s not being nice, it’s not agreeing with somebody. And it’s not just doing what somebody else wants you to do. That’s not empathy either, but it’s being able to see a situation through someone else’s eyes. And and if you can act with compassion, and turn that into action. And for it sounds to me like what you’re saying is for journalists The the act of compassion can often be making sure that story gets out there, right? Not just necessarily helping that one individual, but for the greater good. My act of compassion is to make sure the story gets reported fairly and it’s amplified.

Dr. Gina Baleria  20:16

Exactly, exactly. And also that that I am not over Yeah, that I am not getting so involved that I lose my perspective, you know that I get lost in the story. There was a situation when I used to work at a station, and I’ll keep it vague, because I am not sure how much I can give up. But I was working at a station and there was a missing child. And I think this is a misnomer. The public thinks, oh, the media are vultures. And I want to share this story. Because the reporter on that story was, he was covering the story and got connected with the family. And I will say that the reporter was of Latin, Latino descent, and the family was also and that may or may not have played a role in their connection, but they made a connection. And so the reporter was so caring about the story, the reporter, you know, ask permission, and they, they, they started to trust him, and they invited him into the home. And then when they learned that the child was dead, and that the perpetrator was a member of the family, they still let him in. Because they trusted him. And and he would call me we all would, but he would call every morning, did they find out I’m coming into work? Did they find her yet? There? You know, there’s so much empathy for this story in this family. And yet, we were still doing the story. Well, we were giving the public information, keeping them apprised. But the family really trusted this reporter. And, and so you know, expressing care centering the family and family’s needs, helping the family understand privacy versus the public interest. You know, it’s like, that’s another balance you have to make. It’s not always cut and dry. Yeah, there are privacy issues here. But is it more important for the public to know? Or is it more important to keep the privacy intact? And those are decisions you have to make but but he was able to, you know, not get permission from the family. That’s not the point. But he was able to connect, engender trust? Yeah. And build trust. So So that’s an important thing to think about is making connections with your sources not to get lost, but to tell the story with care and center. The people involved in the story.

Maria Ross  22:31

Is that hard for for young, wannabe journalists, do you think or? Well, that’s a race that

Dr. Gina Baleria  22:37

i That’s why I wrote the book, because I think it’s not hard for everybody. But I think sometimes it just doesn’t occur to people. I think in this day and age where we’re constantly on social media, where we’re always looking at our phones or doing things inside our phones, engaging with others through our phones, that when you’re actually in a real life situation. I noticed that with my students, when they’re actually in a real life situation, I have to kind of walk them step by step through and they’re Oh, okay. Yeah. But things that I would have taken for granted. Yeah. And so I think so. So this idea of I don’t think it’s hard, I just think it hasn’t been cultivated.

Maria Ross  23:07

Right. Yeah. I love that. So, you know, we can’t have a conversation about media without talking about media literacy, and how to withdraw how to reduce our draw to misinformation, right? What, you know, what can we do about it? We feel we feel so deeply and so much news is about activating our emotional triggers, these days, whether it’s clickbait, whether it’s like a shocking headline, whether it’s, you know, my favorite is the ones where it were, where news programs will average, like this thing and your house could be killing you will talk about it in three hours, right? Like, no, I need to know that now. Right. But where, where can we, as the consumers of media get better about reducing our draw to that misinformation? And I know, it’s fighting against our human, our human trait of curiosity, and being you know, being drawn to the, to the accident being drawn to the drama, right. So how can we be how can we make ourselves a little bit more media literate in order to understand what we’re seeing?

Dr. Gina Baleria  24:19

Yeah, and that’s a that’s a challenge. And I, you know, I talk with my students, I said, you can put the information out there, you cannot control how people receive it. Exactly. So as a journalist, you can be transparent, you can make sure you can defend your work, you know, someone comes at you make sure you feel really foundationally solid in what you’re doing. And you can, you know, treat people with respect as they engage with you unless they’re trolls and then past that, but aside, yeah, the problem is, not only does it do our brains feast on that stuff, the people who create that content know that and have of course, they’re playing right into it, playing right into it. Exactly. And so you’ve got this really, really sophisticate aidid ecosystem of algorithms and content that, that we have very little defense again, so it’d be nice to see some regulation sort of control some of that, but that would never do the full trick. So what can we do? As consumers? I would say, we should you engage with people who are different than us walk on the street, say hi, look up, you know, even those tiny little interactions can honestly have this profound impact. I work with an organization called City. And we, we just put a digital interaction to a Stanford study of 31,000 people who tested interventions. And we were number one or number two, and increasing social trust and reducing partisan animosity were in the top few. And and it was all about engagement was all about seeing the humanity in another. And so I know that seems that’s not necessarily a here’s what you do online, look for this look for that. But I think that is foundational,

Maria Ross  26:01

but it plays into that. Yeah. And I just want to 70 Civ it, why we’ll put all the links of these great things you’re mentioning in the show notes, but I just want to call that out.

Dr. Gina Baleria  26:10

Yeah, to somebody.org 7070 di t y.org. Right. Yeah. So yeah, I

Maria Ross  26:15

mean, it’s really about, you know, I had him on my show. And I’ve mentioned him on several episodes, there’s a gentleman named Edwin Racz, out of Berkeley, who you may be familiar with, he runs the Center for building a culture of empathy. And he has run empathy circles at the most divisive political rallies that we’ve had in the last few years. And I think the biggest thing is the goal is not to we’ve we’ve fallen into this trap, as, as we consume media, as we react to media and comment online or call into, to, you know, podcasts or radio shows where our mission is to convert. We feel like the debate has to lead to a conversion, right or persuasion. We’ve lost the ability to have the debate and understand different points of view and leave that conversation potentially, in the same camp as we were when we entered it. But understanding the context of the other person. Yeah. And I don’t know when, when that happened. All of a sudden, it was about you know, like, my comment on your article online, has to be abrasive and direct. And I because I’m trying to convince you that you’re wrong.

Dr. Gina Baleria  27:29

Yeah. Yeah, it’s all about that, rather than really trying to understand your point not agree with but understand. And I mean, I think social media is part of that. And a lot of that content is bought content, but it models for humans, how they think they should act. And so we get that really abrasive, you know, problematic content. And yeah, I think I’m thankful to have grown up in a household of loving parents who are diametrically opposed to me on a lot of issues. And so you have to you have to navigate that right? There. My right. So, you know, I’m really grateful. And I say this, I think, in my in my acknowledge, and my little dedication section in the book, but I’m really grateful for that, because they really helped me learn that I needed to understand other people’s perspectives help me defend my own, and how much common ground we actually do have, once you get past the knee jerk, you know, issues like abortion, gun control, my God, when you actually start talking, you agree on 90% of it, we do we just do. And then the stuff we disagree with, we can we can navigate that little bit, once we understand we have a lot of commonalities.

Maria Ross  28:39

i You’re making me think of a guest that I had on a while ago, Monica Guzman, who wrote a book called I never thought of it that way. And she talks she actually talks a lot about her family, and the fact that she is diametrically opposed politically with her or her own parents. Yes. And just talking about how we can have more civil conversations. And for me, this is linked with media, because I think, for better or worse media, whether it’s true journalism, or the clickbait, or the you know, I don’t even know what you call the opposite of good journalism, like the hacks out there,

Dr. Gina Baleria  29:14

that journalism talk show tabloid? Exactly all of that is information

Maria Ross  29:18

influencing how we have conversations, it’s influencing how we’re interacting with each other, and we want to think it doesn’t, but it does. Oh, it

Dr. Gina Baleria  29:26

totally does. And, and so it does come the it’s the awareness. It’s walking into a social media space or digital media space, saying I am aware that a lot of this content may be trying to influence me in some way. And I need to have strategies for dealing with it. So for example, I will when I go on to, and I don’t go much anymore, because it’s turned into a space that prioritizes trying to push content on me rather than letting me see the content I want. But when I go on to Facebook, there’s a lot of suggested content and the minute I see something that says suggested content, I’m off the feed because I’m like, I, there’s no need for me to be here, because then it just gets more and more that it just gets more and more frequent as I move through the feed. So the first one, I see, I stop scrolling. And that’s a strategy I have that I have in place. So you have to develop strategies for yourself. And you have to, you know, you get we all get into that, or a lot of people get into that mindless scrolling. Yeah, and that’s your doom scrolling. And that’s gonna take you down a rabbit hole, or even you start with this is a cute dog and look at this bunny and an hour, two hours later, you’re at the, you know, let’s blow up the world. Well, yeah, but you have to, you have to retain some sort of awareness or set a time limit for yourself and alarm, I mean, have external cues for yourself, do whatever you need to do to, to, you know, we all I don’t have the self discipline to realize an hour has passed, right? But if I have an alarm, or if I have limits on myself, that I can apply them, right, that helps me. So you know, you’re not going to fix, we’re not going to fix the algorithms. We’re not going to fix the digital media media ecosystem, we can lobby, we can make our voices heard. And we can set our own structures to manage the content. And then it’s and then the last thing is, understanding who the reputable sources are

Maria Ross  31:16

developer, I was gonna say, checking our own sources I’ve I’ve taken to doing that to where it’s like, okay, this article, this journalist, quote, unquote, whether a real journalist or not, is saying something. I’m going to actually go check that out elsewhere, and see if that’s actually legit.

Dr. Gina Baleria  31:32

Yeah, I had an old boss, who said, who used to say, don’t just do something sit there. And he said it to me because I constantly am in motion. But I loved it. Because it really applies like instant like you see something, it shocks you. Of course, it’s meant to shock you. It’s meant to draw out a motion, stop, take a breath, don’t share it. Just give yourself a second, go walk away. See if you can find it anywhere else on the internet. Is anyone else covering the stories? And he was saying this is a confirmed elsewhere? Yeah. actly. And only after you’ve done a little bit. And I know that that’s a lot of work, but then it’s felt we’re sharing if you’re not willing to sort of do the work that it’s not worth sharing?

Maria Ross  32:09

100% Yeah. 100% I love it. Well, and also, you know, thank you for your podcast news and context, which I always find very, very eye opening around exactly that putting the news and the headlines that we’re seeing in context of what’s going on in culture, what’s going on in society, what’s going on in the geopolitical space, and really helping us understand how to be more discerning as we consume different media and different media sources. So I’m gonna put a link to news and context in the show notes as well. Thank you. Gina, thank you so much for this conversation. Thank you for your insights and for your work with, you know, working with the next generation of journalists and hopefully, and keeping the integrity and the and the heart into that field. Thank you for

Dr. Gina Baleria  32:54

that. Maria. It’s been a real pleasure. I mean, you know, I adore you and I’m just so excited to be able to talk with you about this

Maria Ross  32:59

topic. And thank you everyone for listening to another great episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like it, share it with a colleague or a friend. Don’t forget to rate and review and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.