Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Julie Harris: Why Disability Accommodations Are Smart Business

Your organization may be missing out on the talent, innovation, and productivity of your workforce because of your own actions! I’m talking about accommodating disability. When we fail to invest in mindset and policy shifts, we fail to optimize the people within our organizations.

After experiencing complete memory loss due to a brain injury, my guest, Julie Harris, defied expectations as she found success in education and the corporate world. Today, we bond over our brain injury stories and discuss the definition of disability, how stigma impairs human performance, and how you may be hindering innovation and productivity. We also discuss why accommodation is not special treatment and why many fail to realize we all expect accommodations daily. Julie shares practical advice for what leaders can do to unleash the potential of disabled workers and achieve their business goals.

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Not everybody’s disability looks the same or requires the same things, even if they are in the same category of disability.
  • Disable and unable are not the same thing. The term disability is an accurate and correct description because it’s something externally acting upon your body to make it not able.
  • When the brain is under stress, we are only concerned with survival, which impairs your employee’s ability to do the work, impacting the bottom line.

“We accommodate people all the time at work and in everyday life, yet when it comes to disability, it had to be a legal right granted because those accommodations were so frequently denied. Just because one person needs a different thing doesn’t mean it’s preferential treatment. We’re giving them exactly what they need to do their job.” —  Julie Harris

References:

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About Julie Harris, CEO/Founder, Access My Ability. Author of Boldly Belong:

After experiencing complete memory loss due to a brain injury, Julie quickly defied doctors’ expectations as she found success in secondary education and the corporate world. Drawing from personal study and formal education in neuroscience, process improvement, and disability inclusion, she consults with individuals and organizations around the globe. Despite having less than 16 years’ worth of memory and knowledge, Julie is now CEO and Founder of Access My Ability and author of Boldly Belong: The Power of Being You in a Disabling Society. Her expertise has been sought after by numerous Fortune 500 companies, where she has delivered compelling speeches and invaluable consultation on disability inclusion, workplace rights, and reasonable accommodation process improvement. Julie’s goal is to demonstrate that success can be achieved through unconventional paths that defy rules and expectations.

Connect with Julie:

Access My Ability: accessmyability.org

LinkedIn: Julie Harris

Book: Boldly Belong: The Power of Being You in a Disabling Society

Connect with Maria:

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

X: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. Your organization may be missing out on the talent, innovation and productivity of a big part of your workforce because of your own actions. I’m talking about accommodating for disability, whether physical or otherwise, not every person can effectively work in the exact same way, and when we fail to invest in mindset shifts and policy, we miss out on a bigger talent pool and fail to optimize 100% of the people within our own organization. Before you cut costs to stay competitive, try optimizing your existing resources. First, after experiencing complete memory loss due to a brain injury, my guest today, Julie Harris, quickly defied doctor’s expectations as she found success in secondary education and the corporate world, drawing from personal study and formal education in neuroscience process improvement and disability inclusion. She consults with individuals and organizations around the globe. Despite having less than 16 years worth of memory and knowledge. Julie is now CEO and founder of access my ability and the author of boldly belong the power of being you in a disabling society. Her expertise has been sought out by numerous fortune, 500 companies, where she’s delivered compelling speeches and invaluable consultation on disability inclusion, workplace rights and reasonable accommodation process improvement. Julie has guided hundreds of employees to successfully advocate for their needs to be met in the workplace, and has educated 1000s more on their legal rights and improved self advocacy skills. Julie’s goal is to demonstrate that success can be achieved through unconventional paths that defy rules and expectations. Today, we bond over our brain injury stories and talk about the definition of disability and why our current view of it is limiting, why empathy is so lacking for those with disability, especially when it’s not readily visible, how stigma impairs human performance and how you may be unwittingly hindering innovation and productivity, why accommodation is not special treatment, it’s a way to ensure People can do their best work, and that many of us fail to realize that we all expect accommodations every day, from adjustable car seats to how we set up our workstations to how we take our coffee and Julie shares practical advice for what leaders can do to unleash the potential of disabled workers and achieve their business goals more successfully. It was an honor to host Julie today, and her work is so important. Take a listen. Welcome Julie Harris to the empathy edge podcast to help us unpack and understand the creativity and potential of disabled folks in our workplaces. Welcome to the show.

Julie Harris  03:42

Thank you. Thank you for having me

Maria Ross  03:44

so you and I share a little bit in common in terms of being survivors of brain injury. So I would love for you to share your story about how you even got into this work of being an advocate for the disabled and for doing the education and the work that you do with companies and leaders. Okay,

Julie Harris  04:03

my brain injury happened in a hospital. Very luckily, I just passed out. But typically, when people pass out, they kind of crumple to the ground, and I just fell straight back, hit my head, went into a 40 minute seizure, and was in a coma for a few days in the hospital for about three months. Now, at this time, I was 20 years old, I went in with the brain of a 20 year old, but came out with a brand that much more the brain of like a three year old. I had the capability of a 20 year old still, but the knowledge, the understanding, the cognitive resources of a three year old. And so when I was in the hospital, my experience was that of my needs being met. You know, immediately, I was immediately provided for I was immediately if I was in pain, I got meds if I if something happened, everyone rushed in if something if I was getting overwhelmed. You know, nurses. Would ask the people to leave. It was all about my needs. So I had forgotten, oh, did I? Did I say that I forgot everything? I don’t think I even said that. Yeah,

Maria Ross  05:07

you hadn’t mentioned that. You forgot to mention forgotten everything. Yeah, times

Julie Harris  05:12

even now, my brain, you know, can, there’s some lapses, but one of the results of my brain injury that got everything prior, I had to relearn everything, and as part of this, I forgot social norms. I forgot how people in hospitals are typically treated. I forgot that, you know, just how everyday interactions with life and with humanity and living in the hospital, basically starting out in the hospital for three months, learned that my needs really mattered. I learned that I was respected. I learned that I was treated like I legit, because every little win was celebrated. When I said my alphabet, even though it was backwards, it was celebrated. And then I got into the real world, and within about a year, realized that that is not the norm, that people with disabilities are not treated that inclusively. Their needs aren’t met that well. Their needs are often tied. My needs were often denied. I wasn’t any more celebrated for little wins. I was judged because I was far behind those of my peers despite the disability and anyway, so it that’s what really led me to recognize how people with disabilities are treated so differently, but not because we’re actually not capable, just because of the stigma behind it. So a root of what I do is really challenging the stigma, and that’s what I hope to do some of here today. I

Maria Ross  06:31

love that. Thank you for sharing that story and how harrowing for you. You know I we have talked before that I had a brain injury several years ago that was a ruptured aneurysm, and it’s normally a catastrophic, catastrophic event, but I was very fortunate now. I did have to do recovery. I did had had to overcome cognitive deficits, vocabulary, recall, I still have problems 15 years later, with short term memory. It drives my family bananas, but I can totally relate to this idea. I remember leaving the hospital after six weeks and feeling like I was exposed, feeling like I wasn’t in that safe cocoon where people understood me and saw me as a person, and again, had seen me at my worst and saw how far I had come in six weeks, and it was really, really scary. So I can only imagine that, you know, we don’t think about that when we think of people getting out of the hospital, we automatically think they’re okay, like, now they’re out of the hospital, everything’s fine. And I remember even someone jokingly said, so is your brain all fixed then? And it’s like, well, not quite so now that what you went through from a recovery perspective is vastly different than what I went through. And we should note, as both being brain injury advocates, that you know, brain injuries differ greatly. They differ depending on the event. They differ depending on what part of the brain was impacted. And so you know that’s why someone with a brain injury can have speech or alphabet or memory impacted so badly. Mine was basically frontal lobe issues, cognitive issues around, you know, the executive functions. That’s really where my brain injury took place. And so, you know, even within we’re talking about a subset of disability, but even within that subset of disability, there are so many differences and nuances, and I think that’s an important point for leaders and colleagues to understand, that not everybody’s quote, unquote disability looks the same. So on that note, can you define for us what is disability and what are the nuances around that? Because I think it’s it sometimes can seem like a very subjective term, and even I don’t know if I’m comfortable talking about myself as living with a disability, even though there’s things that I have to overcome and strategies I have to employ on a daily basis that I never had to before. So talk to us about what is disability? I

Julie Harris  08:58

love this question and this topic, because there’s the common understanding what a disability is, is typically somebody who uses a wheelchair, somebody who’s blind, somebody who’s deaf, some of the commonly understood and more well known and more obvious disabilities, and a lot of times, people who technically could qualify as being disabled in various ways, or say, Well, I’m not disabled like them, so I’m not disabled. And that’s where I was for a while after my brain injury, because I started, when I started to realize how people talked about disability, I was like, well, that’s not me. Well, that’s not me because I’m capable, right? Yes, so interesting, because I’m immediately because of what I was learning. This is me brand new into the world learning. So I’m learning stigma, I’m learning prejudice, I’m learning stereotypes. And I was like, Well, I’m not like them, so I can’t be disabled. But let’s get to the definition, like you asked, I go by the legal definition, especially when we’re talking about the workplace, because. It’s the one that really offers us rights, legal rights. And if you deny that you are disabled, then you’re denying yourself a lot of protections at the ports that you could have. So under the Americans with Disabilities Act, a disability is defined as a mental or physical impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities. So what that means? It’s a lot of words to just mean any mental or physical difference, and it uses the word limitation specifically, because it’s something that does live you, like our brain injuries, you said you talked about that you still have some short term memory issues. Well, that’s a limitation that’s in your brain. So it’s mental. I have some many things, but mental limitations, memory is one of them, sensory over stimulation. I really have to plan around my day and what sensory things. You know, if I’m going to the grocery store, I could not do something focused, like I need to focus after. I wouldn’t even do this after I went to grocery store, because grocery store takes so much out of me, sensory wise, that’s a limitation in the sense that limits me more than the average human So then, when it says that limits one or more major life activities that can be sleeping. So narcolepsy disability, because it directly impacts sleeping, even if that doesn’t directly impact the work. Well, sleeping, everybody knows if you don’t have a good night’s sleep, you’re not as Yeah, it

Maria Ross  11:28

impacts your cognitive ability Exactly. And so

Julie Harris  11:31

it can be walking, remembering, thinking, hearing, seeing, focusing, writing, cooking, using the restroom, eating, digesting, it could be any major life activity. And it’s really important to note that depression, anxiety, things like that under the ADA qualifies disabilities, and they qualify depending on I mean, if they major, if they impact a major life activity, which typically to be diagnosable, they will. But it’s all of that too. You know, the ones that we commonly think of as disabilities, which, you know, using wheelchairs, yeah, things we can see, yes, yeah.

Maria Ross  12:11

I always say, you know, brain injury is sort of the unseen disability, because people can mask it pretty well, right? And, oh yeah, you know, so much of what you’re saying is resonating with me. And I’m just wondering a question that listeners might be wondering in that, could it be said that all of us as humans have some form of a disability? I mean, there’s so much that different people based on who they are and how they operate, there could be certain things about them that limit them in a way. So is it fair to say that disability is way more common than we give it credit for? Oh,

Julie Harris  12:48

absolutely. And I what how I talk about disability when I’m giving presentations and trying to, you know, really fight against the stigma is talk about how disability is a natural variation of being human. And an example that I give to talk about this is, you know, in the car, the automatic seat words are leaving me now, but automatic seat adjusters, whatever they’re called, are accommodating for a natural variation of humanity, that is height, that is, you know, preference, even you know, we’re making sure that somebody who’s five, three or six three can fit into this car. Now, there’s some cars that maybe a six three person isn’t going to be able to fit in, but they can choose a different car. We build it in and we accommodate for that natural variation of humanity. Disability is just another natural variation of humanity. Why it’s such a big deal is because it’s something that is different enough that it’s not well understood, that it’s confusing, that it makes us, you know, wait a second, what does that mean? Does that and then we start to develop stories about it. That’s where stigmas come from. We human brains start to develop stories about what we don’t understand. And when we’re talking about disabilities, especially in the workplace, why it’s really specific, or why it’s really important to distinguish between like, who does have a disability and who doesn’t, if they’re asking for rights, is because, for people with disabilities, the accommodations that we give every day to most people often are denied because of the stigma attached to disability. Of Well, you had a brain injury, you don’t remember things, you’re not as smart, you’re not as capable, therefore, I’m not going to give you this that I would give the person next to you who doesn’t have a disability, but they’re smart enough, like a screen, you know, little little things like a different chair, a desk that is a standing desk, or a one that can be moved from sitting to standing. You know, little things like that that are so often. We accommodate people all the time at work, we accommodate people all the time in everyday life, yet when it comes to disability, it had to be a legal right granted because those accommodations were so frequently denied.

Maria Ross  14:51

And why? Why do you think those views of disability are so limited and lacking empathy? What do you think it is because I can’t imagine, there’s that many. Horrible people in the world, I like to imagine there’s not that many horrible people in the world, but especially in the workplace. You know, why do people get so angry or so frustrated or so negative about accommodating for disability? What do you think is causing that?

Julie Harris  15:17

I think our human brains and stigma. And I talk about stigma because I think that’s the root of it all. But what it comes down to is, when I knew nothing and was relearning everything, I learned that disabled people were not capable. That’s a stigma that’s tied to a belief that disabled people are less than is tied to a belief that disabled people inherently are not able, and I want to stick on Disable for a second. A lot of times, people say, well, it literally says it in the word disable. And I want to touch on the word the prefix dis. So in the English language, there’s a lot of prefixes that are negative. It’s making the opposite of whatever the main word is. So the word disability comes with a negative prefix, dis, and a lot of people take that to mean that it inherently means that it’s describing something that is not able, that that person is less able, that person is incapable at this point. And the it’s important to look at what the usage of the prefix dis is. So if we talk about something that’s assembled, that’s something that’s put together, it may have been given to you assembled. It may have been reassembled. You know, we don’t know. It was just assembled somehow. If you say that something has been disassembled, that means it was taken apart. It was acted upon by something external to take it apart. Something that’s unassembled is just not put together. It may have been taken apart, it may have been disassembled, but when you use unassembled, that just means it is no it is not put together. So disassembled is very different than un in the sense that this means an external action was taken on it, to unassemble it the same that’s the same use when we go to able, disable unable. Unable means you are not able to do something. Or it could be we’re talking about a device the light is unable to cook food. I mean, actually lights sometimes could cook food. So maybe that’s a bad example. But the word unable just means you’re not able to do something, or a thing isn’t able to do something. If you put dis on it, it means that something is acted upon it to make it unable. So if you take out remotes out of I mean, if you take batteries out of a remote, you have disabled that remote. It wasn’t inherently unable. The remote is able if it has what it needs, disabling it by removing batteries is an external act to make it unable. So I think that’s really important differentiation when we’re talking about disability. And I really think that the term disability is accurate, an accurate and correct description, because it’s something externally acting upon, whether it’s a genetic condition which is still external of it’s even if it’s internal of your body, it’s something that’s acting upon your body to make it not able. So I

Maria Ross  18:10

love that point that you’re making, though about like it’s still able. It just might be able to function in a different way. And I think, you know, you and I both suffered from brain injuries, and how many times did we hear the word like strategies, strategies to deal with whatever issues we had? Right? It was about finding a new way around the obstacles so we could still accomplish our goals. And I think we forget that and why there is such a, such a misunderstanding and such a, you know, like, you know, a lack of empathy, quite honestly, from other people in the workplace, because, because they don’t understand it, they feel like someone’s given being given preferential or special treatment, when really what’s being done is just helping someone find a new route. You know, for you, think of it like a GPS helping someone just find a different route than your route to get to the same destination,

Julie Harris  19:06

right in the workplace. One way that I describe it when, especially when it comes to preferential treatment, that’s what I’m going to stick on here, because that’s a really, really common pushback against giving somebody accommodations. Well, other people are going to want it too. Other people are going to feel like it’s unfair. No, this is a preferential treatment. Well, there are positions in the workplace where they reasonably require three screens, so they’re given three monitors and a laptop and maybe a computer. You know, there’s some that don’t need that, so they only have a laptop, maybe one screen. There’s some people who have standing desks, there’s some people who have private offices. There’s some people who have some people who work in main areas. We accommodate for specific needs all the time in the workplace, we don’t look at it as preferential treatment, because we recognize that. This is we’re giving them what they need to do their job. That’s the same thing with disabilities. Just because one person needs a little bit of a different thing doesn’t mean it’s preferential treatment. We’re giving them exactly what they need to do their job, right?

Maria Ross  20:12

Well, and I think it goes back to that whole misunderstanding of equality versus equity. You know, equality is giving everybody the exact same thing, and equity is about giving people what they need to operate at the same level, which is a different thing. But we’re going to take a quick break, and when we come back, we’re going to talk about what the stigma of disability does to impact the effectiveness and efficiency of your workers, because this is an important point to make, that it actually impacts performance when your workplace is not inclusive of disability, we’ll be right back. Okay, we’re back on the empathy edge podcast, talking to Julie Harris, and we were just going to get into a conversation about what the result of stigma does to impact an individual who’s disabled and how it impacts their ability to perform for your organization and meet the goals of your organization, which, you know, if we’re being really crass about it, it’s all about enabling people to do their best work so that the organization can meet its goals. And when we’re not inclusive of disability, it actually impacts our bottom line performance. So tell us a little bit about what stigma does to an individual when they’re feeling under stress, when they’re feeling misunderstood, where they’re when they’re struggling to be, when they’re struggling to belong. Yes, this

Julie Harris  21:37

is so important to discuss, to really improve inclusivity of the disabled population in the workplace, and the most obvious and clear cut results are people don’t ask for accommodations, or when they do ask for accommodations, they get them denied because of the stigma. They know that they’re constantly fighting against stigma, so they’re trying to work twice as hard, 10 times as hard, sometimes to show that they mean even missing one letter they’re scared of, you know, having one error because, oh my goodness, are they going to tie that to my disability? Somehow people don’t want to disclose their disability, and if they don’t want to disclose their disability, it means they’re not asking for the help that they actually need, which common sense says that’s going to leave you unsupported, or at least under supported. But the problem is, oftentimes, that’s the only way that you can keep your job. So those are the most main and direct results. However, it gets even deeper, where stigma leads to shame. When you have such a stigmatized part of your identity, then it’s nearly impossible to not feel some level of shame around it. When you feel shame, you start to shame. Shame tells your brain that you’re unsafe for being who you are, that you’re unsafe for having that part of your identity. And so when you feel unsafe for actually being who you are, you start to develop survival skills just to exist. Some of those things are people pleasing. People pleasing isn’t necessarily beneficial in the workplace. Or perfectionism, we can say perfectionism sometimes is beneficial, however, taken too far, isn’t helpful to anybody, the person doing it, or other people on their team, collaborators. Sometimes it results in hyper independence. Hyper independence is absolutely not good in the workplace and in certain situations, it could be good, but taken too far, it’s going to be detrimental to the success of a team and a company. And so there’s the obvious ones that are tied to disclosure and accommodations and asking for support and receiving support, but then there’s the less obvious ones that are stigma results in shame inevitably, and it results in your employees developing survival skills that are not beneficial in the long term and not beneficial when taken into everyday life and everyday interactions.

Maria Ross  23:54

Okay, I’m gonna totally link in the show notes to an episode or two that we’ve done around psychological safety, because it’s the same point. It’s about keeping people in a state of cognitive distress so that they can’t use their higher level executive skills, which is what is needed to perform and achieve and get things done and meet the needs of the business. And if we create this environment for people where, cognitively, they’re constantly under stress because they are afraid, to your point, because they’re being hyper independent, because they are, you know, chasing perfectionism, which is, you know, we as we know a myth. It’s going to impair their ability to do the work like bottom lining it is we have to do everything we can to keep our workers in an environment where they can unleash the productivity and the innovation and the creativity required by their higher level executive skills and when the brain is under stress. You know, science. Shows us that we actually cannot. We’re only concerned with survival at that point. So I’m so glad you brought this up, because you know, and I’m actually going to link to another episode I did with Michael Bach, who talked about the cost of exclusion in a business, what it is dollars and cents, what is it costing businesses when they are not inclusive, and this is a very similar thing. We were talking about it in the context of LGBTQ plus, but any group that is feeling this kind of stress and this kind of pressure on themselves in the workplace is not performing to their fullest capabilities for you, and if you really want to unleash their potential and maximize, you know, their value to the organization. It’s in your best interest as a leader and as a company to create that inclusive environment for them and then just unleash them and let them, you know, perform like you’ve never seen. Exactly

Julie Harris  25:57

put people in an environment where their cognitive resources can go towards their work, not too survivable, not towards mitigating sensory stimulation, not to navigating unhealthy management or healthy cares, just if they can truly put their cognitive resources to the work at hand. Primarily, which, of course we know it’s not gonna be 100% but primarily, if we can’t mitigate all the other external factors, they’re going to be your best employees, period. Absolutely, absolutely

Maria Ross  26:30

okay, so as so many good things in this episode, but as we wrap up, can you give us some practical examples and actions that leaders and employers can take to unleash, unleash that potential of their disabled workforce. What have you seen that works really well? What have you seen that has backfired? And what would be sort of the final tips you would give to folks listening who are like, I don’t know if we’re actually inclusive to disability. How can I go about auditing that?

Julie Harris  27:04

Yes, good questions and actionable items are

Maria Ross  27:07

a lot of questions. Are Sorry, that was, that was like a five part question. But if that’s okay, tackle whichever part you make

Julie Harris  27:13

the basics. Do some do some basic education for especially HR, but leaders, employees as a whole, around what disability is, especially when it comes to the ADA, the Americans with Disabilities Act and ensure that it’s somebody who actually knows what they’re talking about. Just because somebody’s a lawyer doesn’t mean they know what they’re talking about. Just because somebody is in HR, even working with accommodations, doesn’t mean that they know. So make sure it’s somebody who has the disability perspective and the employee perspective, so that you have education around how to keep the employers protected legally, but also while doing what the ADA was meant to do, which is provide for employees. So that’s number one. But beyond that, training is not going to just automatically remove stigma and human bias. So the next step is to accept that you have bias, accept that you have stigma related to disability. Because you are human, it doesn’t mean you’re bad, just accept it as a fact, and then do what you can to build into your processes make them stigma free, so that human error is far less likely. For example, accommodation specifically, if somebody comes to HR and asks for an accommodation, do you have a well defined accommodation process that is one, in line with the ADA, but two, ensures that stigma doesn’t lead as stigma is leading. You’re not doing the best for the employees, and you’re not doing the best. Doing the best for the company. So build processes that are stigma free. And I know that’s kind of vague, but there’s a product that I love that does it for you. It’s called disclo, D, i, s, c, l, o, and it has an accommodation process that is stigma free. It guides you through it. When you’re not sure how to talk to somebody about disability, it kind of gives you little tips. So that’s one way I like to do it, is just refer people to that product, but really build into your processes disability, inclusion without stigma. And you have you have to accept that you have bias to be able to do that effectively. And then the last actionable tip that I find is most successful is to make it to have situations where people who are higher up in your company disclose their disabilities, whether it’s something like ADHD or they just recently got diagnosed with something you know, or and sometimes that’s a huge risk for them, but while it’s risk for them, it becomes far less risky as more people come out and disclose and it becomes more inclusive, because you start to see, oh my goodness, this person who’s really intelligent and really capable has a disability. Wow, I it changes everybody’s view of disability, and it makes it seem more safe, of course. You have to have a safe situation to allow that to occur. But I find it really, really effective when leaders disclose their disabilities, and not just, not just for show, but to start a a more inclusive culture

Maria Ross  30:15

around to be, to be the model that correct. This is okay to be vulnerable about this. This is okay to admit this. And often, you know, with something like this, it’s often the more you know. Again, like you said, Only if you’re comfortable disclosing. We don’t want to, like force everyone to do this. But the more, the higher up you are in the organization, the more power you wield. It becomes, even more effective if those people can admit that they have, you know, they might have issues with certain things, they might have a disability, they might, you know, and even when we’re talking about more broadly, like they’re blind spots, being able to admit that, that’s what we mean by being a vulnerable leader. We don’t mean you’re just you fall apart. We we mean that you just admit there’s things you’re going through too, as well, and then when you’re a high performer, you’re showing that you can do both, and you’re showing that you can have a disability and still perform at the highest level, and you normalize that, and that actually that action helps foster empathy, because then people go, Oh, now I know someone who has that disability, and I see how they operate in the world, and they’re, you know, they’re killing it, or whatever the case may be. And so the more that we can provide the representation and provide the modeling and do it boldly and do it with no apology, the better off. You know, people might not say something to that leader right away, but it’s going to impact them, and it’s going to impact the way they feel at work, exactly

Julie Harris  31:49

and something else for leaders, especially if they’re leaders of a company that has a board of directors or something that they’re reporting to, sometimes these leaders have their own fears about disclosing. So even when you disclose, to disclose about I’m afraid of disclosing too, because I’m afraid of being judged. Despite my history of success, despite the clear evidence, if I disclose, are people now going to judge me? And so it doesn’t matter. I have clients of all different levels, all different income brackets, all different races, ages, and we are dealing with the same thing. It doesn’t matter how successful you are, how much history you have, if you’ve been to companies which one of my clients has still afraid to disclose their disability and ask for support. So when you disclose, if you’re high up, to even disclose the really vulnerable parts that, hey, this is hard for me too. I’m afraid of the blowback as well. Yeah, yeah,

Maria Ross  32:40

yeah. I remember after I had my brain injury and I was getting my business back on its feet again, I wasn’t sure whether I should disclose what I’d gone through. And just from you know, my work as a brand strategist back then, what I realized was, by disclosing it, I actually ended up attracting more of the clients I wanted to attract because they saw something in me that was, you know, about resilience and about grit and about, you know, overcoming adversity, and that actually attracted them to me in my business. But I did have some people say, Oh, or, you know, you’re out talking about your brain injury. Don’t you think that’s going to impact if people want to work with you as a client. And I was like, well, it might impact certain people that are not my ideal clients, and probably people I don’t want to work with, but for so many others, it actually became a magnet. And I think that that’s what that can do for leaders and people in positions of power, is then you create a following, and you create a loyalty where people know that it’s safe to be who they are, and those people will go to the ends of the earth. For you, that’s my experience as well. Awesome, awesome. And kind of just to wrap this up, I just want to go back to the fact that if anyone, and I doubt anyone listening to this podcast, would have this perspective, but I know that there’s skeptics out there who might say, well, given all this work I have to do around, you know, creating an inclusive environment, maybe it’s better if I don’t hire disabled people, right? And I love I want to bring everyone back to the point we mentioned earlier, which is, most people are dealing with something so good luck trying to find the perfect human being who has no disabilities, who has no blind spots, who has no areas that they need accommodation for, because I really don’t think that person exists.

Julie Harris  34:34

Oh no, there’s no human. I mean, when we ask for our meal to be a little bit different at restaurant, that’s an accommodation when we’re going to show up late, when our computer is having issues with their technology issues, we’re asking for accommodations on all of those things. So all the time that there’s accommodations are a human thing. It’s not just for disabilities. It just had to be granted legally,

Maria Ross  34:53

right, right? Unfortunately, it’s had to be granted legally. Yes, yes. Well, Julie, thank you so much. For sharing your very personal story, and also your phenomenal work around being an advocate and helping companies and leaders navigate this and create that inclusive environment so that they can help disabled employees, disabled workers, do their best work and contribute to the organization’s success. So I will have all your links in the show notes, especially the link to your new book that is out now boldly belong the power of being you in a disabling society. I will have the link to that as well. It’s available in all the places. But for folks on the go who won’t be accessing the show notes, where’s one place they can find out more about you and your work,

Julie Harris  35:39

accessmyability.org that has everything to find about me and links to everywhere else that you can learn about me.

Maria Ross  35:48

Awesome access my ability all one word.org, well, I hope folks will check it out. Thank you again for your time and your insights today. Thank you so much for having me and thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do, rate, review, follow and share with a friend or colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathyedge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop, and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice. Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Kim Bohr: Sparking Transformational Change Through Empathy

BONUS EPISODE! Join me for a conversation with President and COO of SparkEffect, Kim Bohr as we kick off our partnership to provide you with actionable content for the next year on their podcast subseries, Courage to Advance. We talk about Kim’s journey and work in helping leaders embrace change and marry data, technology, and human-centric practices to achieve success. You will love her insights on how to build resilience in today’s rapidly changing landscape, and how integrating innovative technology, data-driven insights, and the human touch is the winning recipe for success in our times.

We kick off our partnership where SparkEffect will be offering you monthly insights, actionable takeaways, and inspiring stories of leadership transformation and the role empathy plays in success. 

Tune in every 3rd Thursday, right here on The Empathy Edge!

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • AI is not going away – the more we lean in and understand, the more we can leverage it for ourselves, our clients, and our organizations.
  • Leveraging AI in your creative endeavors is great to bounce ideas off of, especially for those who work solo.
  • All change involves bringing people along with you. The human need for information, reassurance, connection, and upskilling never disappears. Only the challenge in front of us changes.

“We believe that AI and data-driven insights are about augmenting and elevating that people-centered approach. And that’s why we find the data, along with the very skill-based empathetic approach, is where the superpower is unleashed for leaders and organizations.” —  Kim Bohr

From Our Partner:

SparkEffect partners with organizations to unlock the full potential of their greatest asset: their people. Through their tailored assessments and expert coaching at every level, SparkEffect helps organizations manage change, sustain growth, and chart a path to a brighter future.

Go to sparkeffect.com/edge now and download your complimentary Professional and Organizational Alignment Review today.

About Kim Bohr, President & COO, SparkEffect

Kim is a published author, speaker, and entrepreneur at heart. As the President and COO of SparkEffect, she brings over 25 years of experience as a cross-functional leader, executive and board advisor, and leadership and organization development professional. 

Kim has spent her career avidly studying and participating in companies with complex people and organizational dynamics. Making an impact on businesses is important to Kim. She stays inspired by the gratification that comes from unraveling challenging problems for individuals and companies. Her strong, strategic instincts, extensive experience, and the ability to create followership have shaped Kim into the leader she is today.

Connect with Kim Bohr and SparkEffect

SparkEffect: sparkeffect.com

Courage to Advance recording and resources: 

sparkeffect.com/courage-to-advance-podcast

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/sparkeffect

LinkedIn for Kim Bohr: linkedin.com/in/kimbohr 

Connect with Maria: 

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

X: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. Today is a special bonus episode of the empathy edge podcast, because I am introducing all of you to my newest partner, Spark effect, and we are here today with the COO and president of Spark effect, Kim bore, who is actually also one of my dear friends, they are doing such great work, and they are going to be hijacking, if you will, the empathy edge feed every third Thursday with their new podcast, courage to advance leadership in transformation. This is a momentum inducing podcast series that explores the intersection of human potential and organizational success, you will hear inspiring stories of courageous leadership and transformative change guided by empathy and innovation. So today, we’re going to give you a little taste of what you’re going to hear. And we also want to hear the story of Spark effect and Kim’s journey, because they are working with leaders right now, helping them transform their organizations with empathy and leadership capability. So welcome Kim, to the podcast. Welcome to the podcast, family. I am so excited to highlight your great work.

Kim Bohr  01:52

Thank you, Maria. We’re so excited to be here and excited to listen and share and learn ourselves. Love

Maria Ross  01:59

it. So tell us a little bit about your story. We, you know, we can read the bio in the show notes, and we’ll have all the links in the show notes, but tell us a little bit about you and about Spark effect, and what is the work about these days, and what is driving the need for leaders to embrace more empathy in order to transform and keep

Kim Bohr  02:20

up. Goodness, you know, there’s, it’s, as you so strongly believe, empathy has become such a main skill, right, that is so needed in our business today. And so about almost five years ago, I came on board with Spark effect, and we were, at that point, really different organization. We were trying to figure out how to grow. We ended up bringing a smaller organization together with us, and it was a real pivotal time, because it was coming through the pandemic. I joined just a few months, excuse me, a few weeks, actually, before the pandemic. Oh boy, which you know, talk about trying to learn an organization, learn the people, learn all these components and be thrust into what we don’t, you know, have all experienced in so many different ways we will never forget. And so what I what was really fascinating, and what drew me to the organization in the first place was this love for people in business and my personal journey that I’ve always just had in from my own professional lens, has really focused on having business be better from the inside out, and it always begins with people. And so to me, this was a wonderful opportunity to help enrich that belief I’ve always held and be able to bring it into many organizations that are so dearly in need of that type of thinking. Well,

Maria Ross  03:48

and you and I met because I interviewed you for the empathy edge, for the first empathy book, when you were working with an organization called fierce conversations, and that was really about helping people and helping leaders have difficult conversations, and whether it was overtly stated or not, with empathy, creating that connection with people so that they could do their best work. And I love what you said, because I think it bears repeating over and over again, is that businesses are just a collection of people doing things together, and we’re going to talk a little bit on this bonus episode about integrating innovative technology with the human touch, because there might be some people going, Well, no, we’re just going to all get out staffed by AI. We’re not and so we have to learn how to coexist. But that’s where that those leadership skills and those empathy skills are going to be even more important as we dive into this world of of integrating technology with the human element. So talk a little bit to us though about the inspiration for the podcast you’re going to be doing for courage to advance. Why this podcast? Why now? It’s

Kim Bohr  04:58

just it feels. So people are so ready for it. I think you and I could both agree that the thoughts of some of the work we’ve been so invested in used to be seen as something that perhaps wasn’t as much of a strength as even though we know, and always have known, there’s a superpower into this work when you really embrace it. And so it started to make sense with so much coming at people the you know, we’re so overwhelmed with so much information and technology, and what’s the right and best solution for all the different competing needs that we have. And coming out of the pandemic, when we all, I think we could probably agree, felt a little maybe less stable in how we were to move forward and what we needed. And so it’s, it felt like it was the perfect time to say there’s this concept of of and, you know, we can be empathetic, and we can still also have clear expectations and results. Yeah, that was really like when we started thinking about it. It was, it was really clear that now is an opportunity where people are listening and looking for this to come together in a way that that now was acceptable, right, and made sense,

Maria Ross  06:10

yeah? And that’s why you know, that’s why we’re doing this partnership, is I really want to bring your content, your expertise, your stories, to this audience that cares so much about how to leverage empathy to be more successful, but it’s not without its challenges, and it’s not without pushback from certain people, and we’re seeing it now post pandemic, a lot of that snap back to bossism. Of you know, let’s go back to the ways that things used to be, because that’s where we’re most comfortable. And what I love about your work is that it’s all about leveraging the human connections to drive innovation, to drive transformation, not just get by, but actually leapfrog above your competition and create real change in the markets in which we play. So you know, I love also that what you’re going to be bringing to us every third Thursday are these stories and practical applications of how you have actually been in the trenches helping leaders and organizations embrace this concept and what it looks like, because it looks very different organization to organization. Doesn’t it?

Kim Bohr  07:18

It absolutely does, and so many you know, leaders are still they there are. There is still that strongly held belief of if I’m empathetic or if I’m too nice, then I’m ineffective. And what we find is that if we have the opportunity to see leaders really understanding the benefit of both bringing in the empathy, bringing in the structure, and bringing in data that will actually allow them to make the most informed decisions for the organization. It’s really that idea of getting it right versus being right, and so we’re really excited with the different conversations we have teed up and the type the topics that are so relevant to really expand the thinking and also bring really practical application for people, so that they don’t feel like they’re just inspired, but that there’s actually things that they can go do. Yeah, and that’s what we really want to make sure we’re the value we really want to be bringing. So I’m going to

Maria Ross  08:18

put you on the spot, and this might be a spoiler for a future episode. But is there a client that you’ve worked with that really stands out in terms of the Delta from before they started adopting this kind of leadership philosophy and then after? And maybe, what were some of the things? It could be anonymous, but maybe what were some of the things that they implemented to actually help them create more human centered leadership.

Kim Bohr  08:41

So so much of the one client in particular that I’m thinking of that I will reserve sharing the detail, but I will describe what the situation was. And, you know, very senior level CEO, very tenured in their career and really had the opportunity to be highly effective in the business metrics, however, really was seeing that their followership, if you will, was fractured, and the alignment within their own executive leadership team was fractured. And so what we were brought in to help them do, and what the philosophy was, quite frankly, that they started to adopt was it was a behavioral change, and that’s such a deep level of the work we’re doing. And it allowed us, in this case, to look at how the CEO was evaluated beyond the typical KPIs and metrics and things that still are true, but we like to say, Hey, look at what’s the input that’s going to produce the output, because eventually, if you’re not highly effective and empathetic in your approach, it’ll catch up to you. And in this case, it was with this individual. So what we were able to do was bring in data that allowed the CEO to see that the data. That was showing results that weren’t favorable, but that also at a more behavioral level change, and that was the catalyst for them to then say, well, then what do I need to do? But it really was taking the opportunity of, let’s look at the inputs and let’s and understand that if you invest in these other skills, you’re actually going to be able to produce better results. And in fact, they did. It took about two years, but part of that was consistency, transparency, sharing the results with the executive leadership team, sharing what they were working on, admitting that they weren’t going to always get it right, asking for the ability to feedback. So all of that was really a huge component. And so that story and others will be several that we will explore in our time together.

Maria Ross  10:50

And I love the next one that your first regular episode that’s coming out next week will be about the importance of CEO evaluations. We talk about performance evaluations for everyone else in the company, but who’s evaluating the CEO, and not from a getting them in trouble standpoint, right? But there’s still an opportunity for growth. There’s still an opportunity for flex, even if you’re at the pinnacle of your career, even if you’re at the topmost post. And that’s what I love about your work I’ve always loved about your work across the organizations you’ve worked with, is you are very data driven. And I think what we’re seeing now versus in the past, we’ve talked about these quote, unquote, soft skills, but really haven’t had the data and research behind it, and now we do, and now we can see, like I was saying, the delta between the performance you’re able to achieve if you’re sort of meh about, you know, in these skill areas. But what would happen if your CEO or your COO or your CFO could actually put ego aside and realize there’s things they have to work on, or they could work on, work on those things, and then exponentially, see the growth, see the results and see the success. And I love that you always start with data, because that is what many of these folks care about, right? They

Kim Bohr  12:09

do, and they opens up the conversation, right? And that’s the whole thing. If we could get the conversation open in a way that resonates, that’s where we can see the momentum and move right take place,

Maria Ross  12:19

right? So, yeah, so next week, I’m excited to hear what you have to say about how you go about doing CEO evaluations, how to do them well, and also what you’re looking for and how you actually have the conversation those you know, uncomfortable conversations with a CEO about you know, here’s your areas for improvement. You’re out there giving all this feedback to your people, but here’s where you could actually find some strike points and leverage points to improve your performance, and thus the performance of the organization as well,

Kim Bohr  12:51

absolutely. And just to take it a little bit further, it’s also about the strengthening of the relationships, not only within the executive leadership team, but also within the board of directors and those other really critical stakeholders in the organization that care to understand the more the whole role, and not just the results, in this short term type of way, right, especially when they’re looking to make more of this long term investment. And the other thing that we will be able to talk about and explore, is how this brings, you know, as I mentioned before, more transparency, but a little bit of a more even playing field of evaluation, so that others can understand that that CEO is evaluated on the whole person, which is inclusive of the metrics and the performance and the KPIs and The revenue that is part of it. It’s not a carved off component. And so it’ll be really, I think it’s, I know it’s going to be a very rich conversation that gives that full picture and allows listeners to really, just maybe think a little bit differently about for either themselves or those in their organizations. What could how this could look a little bit new, perhaps, than what happens today.

Maria Ross  14:04

I love it. I love it. Well, I’m super excited. And so today we’re going to give people a little bit of a taste, because we’re going to get into a topic here around integrating technology and human touch in organizational development. And I know that’s going to be a theme that you’re going to come back to in the sub series as we go along for the next year together. But can you talk a little bit about the perspective and your approach, specifically with your clients, about blending AI and data driven insights with human centric practices? What’s your stance on how humans and AI will coexist and will it evolve? Will it be something for the first few years, as we’re rapidly adopting AI and then, you know, kind of future thinking, what could it evolve into?

Kim Bohr  14:50

You know, it’s one things we know really clear, and what the stance that we’ve taken is that we believe, you know, our core, our cornerstone of our system. Is that it’s very human centered people first approach. And we believe that whether that’s because somebody is having to leave an organization, or they’re, you know, growing and developing everything in between organizational the cultural aspects of the the organizational evolution, all of that is about people first, and we believe that the idea of AI and data driven insights are really about augmenting and elevating and lifting up that people centered approach. And that’s why we find the data, along with the very skill based empathetic approach, is really where the superpower is unleashed for leaders and organizations. And so what we found is, from the AI lens, is even internally, we’re starting to understand how does it work to make us more productive and more effective, and what are the constraints that we have or we need to create around it? And so we’ve been exploring it internally, inside, just for our own efficiency standpoint, yeah, throughout this year. And what we also know to be true is that we need to be doing that because it is a real factor that isn’t going away, and the more we understand and lean in versus be fearful, the more we’re able to actually leverage it for doctors ourselves, but you know, those that we work for, and our clients and everyone else, I think that we do find it creating more efficiencies and in certain aspects of business, it probably will change. For sure, the dynamics of and scope of work will it completely eliminate maybe it might in some aspects, some specific aspects of business, more so though people shouldn’t be afraid of that, they should be leaning into understanding, how can they make the roles they do today more effective and efficient with it? And that’s where I think we’re going to see. The reality is it’s moving so quickly. We need to be participating and just adapting with whatever the new thing is that’s coming, and deciding our boundaries around it as well.

Maria Ross  17:09

Yeah. I mean, I’m really seeing, you know, I’m starting to dip my toe in. I know I’ve maybe mentioned this to you offline before, but for someone who’s worked in technology for so long, I am a late adopter. I’m a little bit of a Luddite, and so I’m always late to the party. So, but I’ve been dipping my toe in really seeing the benefit of AI as a thought partner, as a way to unleash my natural creativity, my innovation, and make it additive versus, you know, especially in the field I’m in, and maybe with some of my listeners in, is I work on my own, and so I don’t have that team environment. I don’t have that, those bounce back partners to always work with, and so leveraging AI for that has been great. Now, does it mean, you know, in my work, for example, doing brand strategy and brand messaging, is that going to go away? Probably not, but it probably is going to evolve, and it’s better to be part of the evolution than sort of let the evolution take you over, right? I

Kim Bohr  18:09

mean, we could think of so many of the stories in history where companies kind of threw the line in the sand and refused to take on some of the new type of a technology that was forming, and then they become obsolete. And so I think what we need to be thinking about is is, yeah, how does it, how does it inform and shape, versus the fear of it taking over, right, and recognizing that if I just put my blinders on, right, that’s not going to be a good outcome as well.

Maria Ross  18:36

But the reality is, whether we’re talking about AI or not, jobs change. Roles evolve like even even marketing. For example, I left corporate marketing in 2008 the role of a director of marketing, or of an executive in marketing has changed since 2008 and it has nothing to do with AI. It has to do with the way the expectations and the capabilities and what is required of that role has changed over time. So it happens whether we have technology as a catalyst or not. And so what I really again, what I really love about Spark effects work is that you’re creating resilience among leaders and among organizations to deal with whatever change is going to happen, as you said, marrying data with the human centric approach, and that’s going to get you through pretty much whatever change is going to happen or evolution is going to happen. So it’s not like, you know, there’s some organizations out there that are just consulting or just doing work around one specific problem or one specific challenge. What I love about your approach with clients is that you’re adapting it depending on we’re actually helping you build a capability, a best practice around how to deal with change Exactly. And maybe, right now, we’re talking about the change of AI, but in the future, it’s going to be something else. And if you build that muscle. People, and you build that capability within your organization, it’s sort of like, Okay, what’s next? I can handle it

Kim Bohr  20:05

absolutely. And it’s you know, you think about back to that idea of the pandemic. Most of us didn’t have an AI view coming into that. We didn’t foresee that on the horizon. Now, certainly there were some, especially in that Silicon Valley area, but we know that that wasn’t what we were thinking on yet our lives changed dramatically in how we thought about the nature of work, and way how work is continuing to evolve. And so it is about just it’s about how do we can we lean into it and be curious and find the aspects of it that allow us to be more grounded and more engaged and still be okay that, like, as you said, the next thing is going to come, and it’s going to surprise us, even when we don’t think we can be surprised again, right?

Maria Ross  20:50

Exactly, exactly. And I think the most important thing we can learn from that is that all change involves bringing people along with you on that change. So again, it goes back. I, as you know, I did change management way early in my career for management consulting firm, and the changes were different. The human aspect, the human need for information, for reassurance, for connection, for upskilling, never goes away. It’s just the challenge in front of us changes.

Kim Bohr  21:22

Yes, yeah, the emotional side will always be with us. We’ll always have emotion around change, whether that’s fear or excitement or all the degrees in between. Exactly, exactly.

Maria Ross  21:33

So as folks get ready to get some great insights from you over the next year, every third Thursday right here at the empathy edge. How can they make the most of courage to advance? I know that you are going to be providing some resources and pre work that go with every episode. So can you tell us a little bit about that? Because this is actually not just going to be a passive exercise for people.

Kim Bohr  21:55

Well, they what we wanted to bring is we believe so much around, you know, insights and action and everything and momentum is at the core of everything we do. And so we want to bring forward to people, articles and exercises and things that they can actually do their own self, assess, organizational assessments, and understand what where they might be in the continuum of all this change that is happening. And so we will be providing relevant to each episode, material that people can check out ahead of time. They can certainly download. They can reach out to us and have conversations. But the idea is to give them something that’s beyond just inspiration and really enabling them to feel like they have an ability to take action in some fashion. And so we’re really excited about what that’ll be with that first episode, as you said, next week around looking at CEO evaluations and how does that fit inside an organization? I love

Maria Ross  22:50

it. I love the fact that you’re going to give people sort of tangible things that they can work on and take away with every episode. And I’m just going to share the link, which will be shared in every episode you do, but spark effect.com/courage-two-advance-podcast, and we will have that link in the show notes of this episode. But more importantly, it’s going to be your link and call to action for every episode that you do. And that’s going to be the hub where folks can go back after listening to one of your episodes here on the empathy Edge platform, and they’ll be able to go back to that and see what resources you have available for them to take the next step beyond just listening to a really insightful and thought provoking conversation that you’re going to have with experts that you’re bringing in or sharing your own insights around client work. So I’m super excited

23:40

about it. I

Kim Bohr  23:42

am as well. I’m excited about the partnership, the alignment that we have in the conversations, and just to be able to hopefully make a difference and give people a sense of more that’s possible. Yeah.

Maria Ross  23:54

I mean, basically I when I met you, I knew you were my people, and for folks listening, if I’m your people. Kim and spark effect are your people too. So it’s going to be a great partnership, but we will put all the links in the show notes as well as links to connect with Spark effect in social media and on their website and connect with you, Kim. But this is just the beginning, so

Kim Bohr  24:15

we look forward to more wonderful we’re excited as well. And thank you

Maria Ross  24:20

everyone for listening to this bonus episode of the empathy edge. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please rate and review and share with a friend or a colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathyedge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slicemaria now. Never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

October Hot Take: Scary Leaders…Or Scared Leaders?

Halloween is just around the corner, and the ghouls, goblins, and…gladiators will be out in full force, along with spooky music, haunted houses, chills, and thrills. While humans have a weird desire to scare ourselves for our amusement, fear and horror in the workplace is far less desirable. And nothing can strike more fear into our hearts than scary bosses. 

But are those leaders scary…or scared? 

Today, I discuss how fear is detrimental for your team and how elevated perceived stress levels cause poor cognition. I also talk about why embracing empathy and building strong connections with your team while still maintaining high accountability and performance expectations will allow your team to rise to the challenge. Listen in for some scary statistics, but also the light around the dark corner that waits for those of us who are willing to take the next steps. 

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Studies show that perceived stress can cause lower cognitive scores and a faster rate of cognitive decline.
  • Be vulnerable in your journey to be a more empathetic leader – while still expecting high performance and holding people accountable – people will rise to the challenge.
  • Examine your own emotional triggers and backstory. Be willing to interrogate yourself with a curious mind. Scaring your people won’t help, so stop trying to do so and understand why you were trying to in the first place.

“Most scary or ineffective leaders have no self-awareness about how poorly they come across and how much psychological torture they influence. And that’s because their negative behavior is almost always a result of their own fears.” —  Maria Ross

Episode References: 

From Our Partner:

SparkEffect partners with organizations to unlock the full potential of their greatest asset: their people. Through their tailored assessments and expert coaching at every level, SparkEffect helps organizations manage change, sustain growth, and chart a path to a brighter future.

Go to sparkeffect.com/edge now and download your complimentary Professional and Organizational Alignment Review today.

Connect with Maria: 

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. Welcome to October. This is Maria Ross here for your October hot take. I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who’s bought or reviewed or cheerleaded me for the new book The Empathy dilemma. It’s doing great, and it’s really striking a chord with leaders who want to balance people, productivity, performance, personal boundaries, all the P’s. I’ve been thrilled to get to do some launch events and meet with crowds in person and do some online events. And you can find all of the launch events that are going on, whether they’re online or in real life, at the empathy dilemma.com so check that out. Scroll down to the events section, and you will see one that hopefully you can join me in. It is October.

It is not only the month of my birthday, but it is also Halloween. Woo. Halloween is just around the corner. Decorations are already in our neighborhood now, not our house yet. Mind you, we’re still settling into the new place, but this neighborhood takes its Halloween very seriously, which will be awesome for my son. So the ghouls and the goblins and the gladiators, that’s my son’s chosen costume. This year will be out in full force, as well as the spooky music, the haunted houses, the chills and the thrills we humans have this weird desire to scare ourselves for fun. So I like to call this the scary time of year, right? But fear and horror in the workplace are less desirable, and nothing can strike more fear into our hearts than Dum Dum Dum scary bosses. Now, I truly believe that most scary or ineffective leaders have no self awareness about how poorly they come across and also how much psychological torture they induce, unless, of course, they’re sadists, but that’s because their negative behavior is almost always a result of their own fears, which is why I called this episode scared least leaders, or scary leaders or scared leaders. They have a fear of losing control, a fear of looking stupid, a fear of failure imposter syndrome, or a fear of letting anyone see the real person inside. Now, a former White Nationalist turned speaker and anti hate activist, Arno Michaelis, who wrote the book, My Life After Hate and actually, whose story I recently got a chance to learn and was so moved by, I’ve invited him onto the podcast. I’ll actually put a link so you can learn more about him in the show notes. He reminded me in a recent talk he gave of the familiar adage, hurt people. Hurt people. Hurt people. Hurt people. And that is never more true than for bad bosses, they don’t realize that their attempts to look good and maintain control, you know, maintain control and command are ruining their chances of success, that when they create fear, anxiety and stress, it’s anything but beneficial to, you know, healthy competition, it actually neutralizes high performance. Studies show that when we are under perceived stress, it can cause lower cognitive scores and a faster rate of cognitive decline. Some studies like those cited by CNN, which I’ll link to in the notes, show how stress lowers cognitive function, even after adjusting for many physical risk factors, people with elevated stress levels were 37% more likely to have poor cognition, the researchers found. And I don’t know about you, but I want my team at their sharpest. I want them thinking at full capacity. And we literally can’t think straight when we’re operating under stress or fear our executives, our executive functions shut down. We can’t engage the parts of our brain that we need in our work when we’re in a constant state of fight, flight or freeze. So why on earth would a leader knowingly degrade their strongest assets, their people in such a blatant way? Well, successful leaders want their teams to be operating at optimal capacity. They want them to invent, problem solve, create, innovate, remember, Important Facts, all the things we need are frontal lobe to do. And if leaders across the board would embrace empathy as a strategic advantage, they would see how their team’s engagement, performance and innovation would increase. They’d be able to get the best out of the people they need to do the work, and those people could perform at levels that ultimately would make the leader look good and advance their own goals. So fear doesn’t work for the long term. It might be a desirable or, you know, seductive to think that it’s a short term fix. You know when you use that stick instead of the carrot, but it certainly doesn’t work for outperforming in challenging markets.

So I would advise any leaders out there who struggle to create strong connections with their teams, or those of you who recognize these bad behaviors in your own leaders, to invest in empathy, open yourself up to a new way to lead and operate or risk falling way behind. Be vulnerable in your journey to be a more empathetic leader while still expecting high performance and holding people accountable. But watch your people rise to the challenge, rather than get crushed under the negativity. The goal is performance, right? So stop trying to scare the hell out of your people, out of some underlying desire for respect or fear of failure, examine your own emotional triggers and backstory and interrogate yourself with a curious mind. Could you find another way to operate be more effective and cause less harm? I bet you could, if you’re willing to walk through that door, I promise there won’t be some crazed maniac inside waiting to torture you like all the Halloween movies would have us believe in this movie, I promise that what waits around that dark corner is actually a whole lot of light. Thanks for joining me this month on this month’s hot take. Please reach out to me on the socials and let me know what you think of the episodes and any other topics or themes you want me to cover in future hot takes and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathyedge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place. 

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Kate, Jeannie, & Jayna: How to Support Transgender Colleagues & Kids in a Dangerous Time

Today I’m facilitating a unique discussion with three brave women, two of which live under this shadow of fear for themself and their child, and one who is a cisgender ally: Kate Brookes, Jayna Sheats, & Jeannie Gainsburg. We talk about their own stories that led them to this work, how the increase in anti-trans legislation impacts them, what it’s like to parent a trans teen and they share their most poignant moments from their journeys. We also share simple yet impactful tips for you on how to be an ally as a manager, colleague and neighbor to support the trans community.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Accepting and loving your child no matter how they present is support and protection for your child.
  • Fiction is an amazing tool for empathy. It allows you to explore with your imagination experiences outside of your own.
  • As allies, we need to step up, use the right language, and let people know that they are safe.
  • Everyone is watching the world for signals to understand they are safe.

“Dignity is at stake. LGBTQ rights are at stake. Right now, while my daughter has access to these things, a vote could take some of these necessities. They’re not privileges, they’re necessities. They’re what she needs. A vote could jeopardize her needs.” —  Kate Brookes

References:

From Our Partner:

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Go to sparkeffect.com/edge now and download your complimentary Professional and Organizational Alignment Review today. 

Kate Brookes: Producer, Filmmaker, Writer. Kate Brookes is an award-winning TV reporter turned producer, filmmaker, and writer. An activist since her teens, Kate has devoted countless hours to the causes she supports, including mental health, housing justice, and anti-gun legislation. But it wasn’t until realizing she’d completely botched the birth announcement for her twins that she became active in LGBTQ causes. The author of Transister: Raising Twins in a Gender-Bending World, Kate lives with her husband and rock star children, one of whom happens to be trans, in New York City.

Jeannie Gainsburg, Founder, Savvy Ally Action:  Jeannie is an educational trainer and consultant in LGBTQ+ inclusion and effective allyship, and author of, The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate. She is the founder of Savvy Ally Action, a small business that offers accessible and encouraging workshops and videos on how to be an ally to the LGBTQ+ communities. 

Jayna Sheats, Author: Jayna grew up on an isolated Colorado ranch in the 1950s, where the word “transgender” had never once been heard. Returning to CO after studying language and psychology in Germany, she finally majored in physical science and settled in Silicon Valley with a PhD in chemistry. Jayna is the author of, Hanna’s Ascent. Today she spends most of her time writing novels about triumph over trauma and social justice, and a non-fiction book on transgender women and athletics.

Connect with Our Guests:

Kate Brookes: transistermom.com

Jeannie Gainsburg: savvyallyaction.com

Jayna Sheats: jaynasheats.com

X: @transistermom

LinkedIn: Jeannie Gainsburg

Facebook: Jayna Sheats, Author

Instagram: @jeanniegainsburgauthor

Connect with Maria:

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

X: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business. Today’s episode is a little different, because it’s not just about empathy to improve your leadership and culture, although we do touch on that, but it’s about empathy, because lives are at stake. Transgender children and adults alike are under attack in the United States, according to trans legislation.com. Which tracks legislation that seeks to block trans people from receiving basic health care, education, legal recognition and the right to publicly exist. Here’s what’s going on. 652 anti trans bills in 43 states, 45 have passed. 123 are active, and 484 have failed. Transgender individuals live in constant fear it isn’t right and it isn’t fair, and it’s impacting your neighbors, colleagues, employees, and possibly your families. Today, I’m facilitating a unique discussion with three brave women, two of which live under this shadow of fear for themselves and their child, and one who is a cisgender ally and expert, they have each written books that will help you practice empathy for people you may not understand, but who need your support. Kate Brooks is an award winning TV reporter turned producer, filmmaker and writer, an activist. Since her teenage years, Kate has devoted countless hours to the causes she supports, including mental health, housing justice and anti gun legislation. But it wasn’t until realizing she’d completely botched the birth announcement for her twins that she became active in LGBTQ causes, the author of trans sister raising twins in a gender bending world, Kate lives with her husband and rock star children, one of whom happens to be trans in New York City. Jeannie gainsburg is an educational trainer and consultant in the field of LGBTQ plus inclusion and effective allyship, and author of the book The savvy ally a guide for becoming a skilled LGBTQ plus advocate. She’s the founder of savvy ally action, a small business that offers accessible and encouraging workshops and videos on how to be an ally to the LGBTQ plus communities. Before forming the company, she spent 15 years working for the out Alliance Rochester, New York’s LGBTQ plus Center, where she was the education director. And Jana sheets is an author and transgender woman who grew up in an isolated Colorado ranch in the 1950s where the word transgender or any variant had never once been heard, returning to Colorado after studying language and psychology in Germany, she finally chose to major in physical science and settled in Silicon Valley with a PhD in chemistry. Jaina is the author of the novel Hannah’s ascent. Today, she is still involved in her microelectronics startup, but spends most of her time writing novels about triumph over trauma and social justice, as well as a future nonfiction book on transgender women and athletics. Today, we talk about their own personal stories that led them to this work, how the increase in anti trans legislation personally impacts them, what it’s like to parent a trans teen in a world where trans youth face higher rates of depression, suicide and bullying, and they thoughtfully share their most poignant and impactful moments from their journeys. We also share loads of simple yet highly impactful tips on how you can be an ally as a manager, colleague and neighbor and support the transgender community, and we talk about our hopes for the future. You may not personally know a transgender person or even understand it. Empathy requires curiosity, representation, stories and humanization, and that is what this episode will offer you. A warning suicide is mentioned in this episode. This is an important one. Folks, take a listen. Welcome ladies to the empathy edge Podcast. I’m so excited. As I mentioned to you, I’ve never done a four way interview before, so I’m very excited to do this. Welcome to Kate Brooks, to Jeannie gainsburg and Jayna sheets. I’m. So delighted to have you here to talk about this important topic of allyship, especially with the transgender community, and what we can do to be better allies as as our world is changing, as our society is changing, and as we’re faced with a lot of challenges these days. So I just want to do a little bit of a round robin to have our listeners get to know each of you. So Jana, I’d love to start with you. Can you share a little bit about about your work and what you’re most passionate about?

Jayna Sheats  05:29

Sure, so I won’t say so my work. First of all, I think it’s I’ve I liked being 39 so much, I decided I would say 39 for the next 39 years. So so I’m 76 so I do not really have a workplace, and yet I do, because I’m still a CTO of a startup company, and I still go there once a week, but my work is my writing and and that’s what I’m passionate about.

Maria Ross  05:57

Great. And you and you wrote a book called Hannah’s ascent, a fiction book. Can you tell us a little bit about that and what prompted you to write it?

Jayna Sheats  06:05

So the easiest way, so I can do that, there’s something that’s common in the the movie industry called a log line. And if you’ve heard of that, that’s a way of putting your story in 30 words, so that someone the screenplay so a tenacious transgender girl from 1950s rural Colorado suffers amnesia and loss of language after a vicious assault, setting her and on an intercontinental journey to find a real home and reclaim her true self.

06:33

Wow.

Jayna Sheats  06:36

So yeah, going on so, so then there’s more to be said about it, but, but maybe you know, like we can talk about it as you go along, sure,

Maria Ross  06:45

sure. And then Kate, tell us a little bit about you

Kate Brookes  06:49

Sure thing. So I am a former TV news reporter turned writer, producer and filmmaker. I am a proud wife, a super proud mom and a lifelong activist. Over the years, I’ve probably advocated for everything from housing rights to mental health awareness to gun reform, but it was not until my husband and I realized we had completely botched our twins birth announcement, and then I began advocating for LGBTQ rights. So as part of my advocacy, I write about parenting a trans kid, and some of the issues that pop up accordingly. I speak to schools, hospitals, synagogues, essentially about the importance of accepting and protecting trans kids. And I also, as part of this, wrote the book transistor, raising twins in a gender bending world, and I wrote the book that I kind of wished I had had when my daughter was transitioning, not a prescriptive narrative, if you will, but an affirming one, candid, heartfelt, sometimes humorous, in the hopes that parents who were going through what I was experiencing having a child transition would feel less alone, and that anyone interested in what it might be like to have a trans kid, to be around a trans kid, whether the coach or a teacher, would read this and have a better understanding of how they can help to Protect and accept trans people and to kind of humanize the trans experience, if

Maria Ross  08:24

you will? Yeah, absolutely. And we talk a lot about that on the show, in terms of giving people exposure to different stories and different people that they may not regularly have exposure to, but that important aspect of humanizing a group of people that maybe someone doesn’t understand and representation matters, I would say yes, absolutely, absolutely. So welcome and Jeannie, you are a repeat guest on the empathy edge podcast, and I’ll put a link to your first episode we did together, but briefly remind people about your story and

Jeannie Gainsburg  08:57

your work. Sure, so I am a straight cisgender ally to the communities. I call myself a late bloomer as an ally. I didn’t get started until about age 40. I had a real aha moment. My husband gave me a book about the women who fought for my right to vote in the US. And I was reading this book and doing this thing that I do when I read history, which is like putting myself back in that time period and thinking, how would I have behaved if I had lived back then, you know, would I have been involved? And of course, I had convinced myself that I would be marching alongside all those amazing women, and I suddenly realized how hypocritical I was being, because, you know, there are social justice fights going on in my lifetime. Here I am fantasizing about how I would have behaved, you know, over 100 years ago, and I wasn’t doing anything to help in the current time period. And LGBTQ plus inclusion and rights is just always kind of a no brainer for me, but I had done nothing to get involved, and this book really just kind of lit that fire under my butt. I looked up the word gay in the phone book because I had. No idea what was out there in the straight cisgender world. Didn’t know anyone in the community. And fortunately, at the time, I shouldn’t say fortunately, it’s a very non inclusive name, but at the time, our LGBTQ plus Center here in Rochester, New York, was called the Gay Alliance, so I found it very easily. We later changed our name, by the way, to something more inclusive. But I called and asked if I could volunteer, and that ended up launching me into a career as an LGBTQ plus inclusion advocate and someone who really focused in on how we can be effective allies. So I worked for that agency for 15 years. I ended up being their education director, and by the time I left, I started my own small company called savvy ally action, and ended up writing a book called The savvy ally, which was kind of like what Kate said. This was the book that I so desperately wanted when I got right. I mean, I knew nothing at all. I didn’t even know what, like at the time GLBT stood for, that was the initialism we were using. I’m like, what does this mean? So I started from scratch, and I really wanted a book about, like, just tell me what to do, tell me what to say, tell me what not to say, tell me how not to offend people accidentally. So I wrote the book. I everything I know about how to be an ally. I put into that book, and it really is for not just for folks like me who know nothing and are just getting started, but really for even allies who have been out there doing great ally work. Just, you know, I just hear so many people read it, and they’re like, Wow, I thought I knew, and I learned so much. And so it’s really a very action oriented book,

Maria Ross  11:28

okay, what I love about having the three of you in one interview is we have someone who identifies as transgender. Personally, we have someone whose family is impacted by transgender identity, and then we have someone who seemingly has no connection to that community per se, but an interest in justice and equity now

Jeannie Gainsburg  11:50

and do now have have a vested interest. I’ve got tons of you know, obviously I’ve met the most amazing people, but yes, when I started, I had no no one in my family, no close friends who are part of the community,

Maria Ross  12:01

yeah, and I think that just goes to the to the point that this is an issue that impacts everyone, and also Jeannie, to your experience, it’s never too late, right? You talk about yourself as a late bloomer. I would probably consider myself in that camp too. But a lot of us are late bloomers because of perhaps the environment we grew up in, or the neighborhood we grew up in, or if we were not exposed and not getting to know other people and other ways of living and other ways of loving. So I think many people come to this as a late bloomer and you know, or you’re immediately impacted by it. So I wanted to kind of go intern and talk to a few of you for I wanted to start with Kate first, actually, and talk about, you know, you are the parent of a chan transgender individual, and by the way, call me out on any terminology that I’m not using correctly, because that’s part of my learning too. We know that trans youth face higher rates of depression, of suicide, of bullying, and so help us have empathy for this. What is it like parenting a trans child in this environment, in this climate?

Kate Brookes  13:11

So in a word, I would say it’s scary. I mean, as a mom, I want to raise happy, healthy, kind kids, and I want them to feel safe. I want them to be safe physically. I want them to be safe emotionally. And right now I would opine, and I have, I have twins, one of whom is trans and one is cisgender. One of my children is not as safe as the other, and I know as a mom that there’s a lot that I can’t control, so I try to deal with the things that I can. But above and above it all, I want to be able to protect my kids. And right now, there are 21 states out there that have some sort of ban on gender affirming care for trans youth. More than a third of trans youth live in those states. Now I often point out that in some ways, and I don’t think it’s easy to be trans, and I don’t think it’s easy to parent a trans child, and I think it’s easier for me and for my daughter, because we do live in in a bubble, if you will. We live in a city where we have access to gender affirming care. She lives in a home where her parents accept her, which is huge, and we have the resources if we needed to chop off a limb and sell it, we would do that to make sure that our daughter gets the care, mental health care and gender affirming health care that she needs. So it can be really scary, and I’m reminded of something that one of my heroes in this world had said, John Malpass, he’s the founder of the gender and family trend, the gender and family project in New York, and he said acceptance is protection, meaning if you accept your child, if you affirm his her or their gender identity. Right? You’re already helping to protect your child, and the data supports this notion. And I won’t get too into the weeds, but I always reference this 2016 study that tracked a group of trans kids and a group of cisgender kids, and the results of that study showed that trans kids who were supported by their parents had similar mental health, mental health outcomes as the cisgender control group. So when we talk about increased bullying, increased rates of suicide, increased rates of depression, I, as a mom, can’t control all of that, and I can control whether I accept my child and I love both of my children and I accept both of them, and that goes a long way towards protecting both of them, and in this case, my trans daughter, Gabby, who is an absolute rock star, so yes, it’s scary, and I’m acknowledging the privilege that my family has in protecting our child, and I don’t think there’s a privilege in being trans, and if there was one, she was born To the right family in the right city, and in some ways, at the

Maria Ross  16:03

right time, and is that kind of what fuels you to take up the fight for other families that don’t have it? You know, as quote, unquote privileged as you do absolutely.

Kate Brookes  16:14

I mean, I look at the upcoming election and what’s at stake, dignity is at stake. LGBTQ rights are at stake. So much is at stake, and so right now, while my daughter has access to these things, a vote could take some of these necessities. They’re not privileges, they’re necessities. They’re what she needs. A vote could could jeopardize her needs. So yes, but for my daughter, and especially for other kids out there, I’m in all of these private groups, some on Facebook, some in other places, and so many kids are not accepted and therefore not protected. And I what when my daughter is out of the home, married kids on the way, if that’s what she chooses, I will still be fighting this fight, because it is likely not a fight that’s going away to tomorrow,

Maria Ross  17:09

right? Unfortunately, yeah, all right, I want to shift to Jaina, you know, kind of taking up that theme as a trans woman, going through this life as a trans woman. How do you react to the increase in anti trans legislation, and how do you think your novel can impact that conversation?

Jayna Sheats  17:32

So I have at most one word about the legislation. It’s, I mean, it’s horrifying, and I don’t have anything else to say about it. I really don’t the question about, I mean, it’s, it’s insane, right? I mean, there is not, there are not words to it

Maria Ross  17:53

makes no sense to me. Like, what? Like the cycles of them going through this to try to get this legislation passed. It’s like, it’s just, it’s nonsensical, so

Jayna Sheats  18:04

they’re horrified, right? So I suppose I could say, you know, two sentences. So there are, there are two types. One can divide that world into three types of people, the ones who are opposing the legislation, the ones who are so far on the other side that you can’t talk to them. And then there are people in between who really don’t know because they have never touched that world. And so I guess if I were to jump in to

18:38

to that, you know, the the

Jayna Sheats  18:44

reason for writing a novel. So I would say this in answer to your question, to sort of jump in, and so I haven’t said anything about the novel, but it’s, it’s, it’s written for many, many reasons, and and it’s not attract, it’s it’s not pre it’s not intended to preach anything. It’s intended to describe a story, to allow people to which, I hope you know, from the practical you know, messaging point of view, allows people to relate to a subject that they’d only heard about with the kind of words that are used with no disrespect whatsoever to journalists who, many of whom are doing a wonderful they’re doing absolutely the best they possibly can. But when they say these things, so you’ll have you you have articles you know about, you know, with phrases like born in the wrong body, or you have phrases about mental health. How many people in this country know what mental health is? How many people have even the foggiest faintest idea of what that really means? I’ll bet you not one in 100 I really don’t think that’s the case. So the puberty blockers and the arguments about, you see, somebody’s cash. Creating themselves and blah, blah, blah, blah, these are just words that don’t mean a thing to people. They’re being batted across, back and forth across a net, like like a volleyball or or a tennis

20:11

ball.

Jayna Sheats  20:14

And not all of the people doing that are, are, are are malignant. They’re just ignorant. They don’t know, and they and they, if they knew, they would be different. And so the point of having a novel is this old fashioned word of trying to allow someone to walk in another person’s shoes, which you cannot do literally. But the novel, if it’s written well, can put you there and give you the emotions you can actually experience the life, instead of just hearing about it in some kind of abstract words. You immerse yourself, you feel the emotions as you go along. And I mean, that’s the ideal, at least. And I think I hope that that people can do that.

Maria Ross  21:02

Yeah. I mean, fiction plays such a huge role in strengthening empathy and helping people understand and sort of be able to safely in their mind, see something from another person’s perspective. And you know, when I wrote the first empathy book, the empathy edge, I talked about exploring with your imagination as one strategy to strengthen your empathy, and that was to consume books, novels, fiction, nonfiction, art, music, documentaries about people who are different from you. And that’s how you flex that muscle of just saying, like, I wonder what I would feel. I wonder what that would be like, and be able to test that out and make that actually part of the way you just operate with people in the in the real world. And so I think fiction has a tremendous power and a tremendous place to enabling us to build that empathy for groups and for people that we don’t understand. So thank you. Thank you for bringing that into the world, because that’s going to probably be much more effective for certain people than if you sat them down and lectured, right? And so they’re really getting to humanize someone. They’re really getting to know their story. They’re getting to like a protagonist that in any other context they could perceive as very different from them. And when you when you couch it in a fictional story, it can make more sense. It can it can land better, if you will. So I hope that that’s that’s going to happen with that book. It’s great. So Jeannie, I want to talk to you about a few of your favorite ally tips for supporting the transgender community writ large. What are some ways, if someone’s listening, and not just in the workplace, but in our communities, and then I would like us to drill down, and this is open to anyone too, about what can be done within the workplace. How can we support colleagues or employees? How can managers and leaders address the needs of transgender people. So at the end of the day, we can all be our best selves, but we can all do our best work.

Jeannie Gainsburg  23:08

Yeah? So the big questions, yeah, no, I just tips are my favorite. Yeah? Superpower. I’m excited. Okay, I’ll share three, but obviously I got a lot more in my book some of my favorites that I think are very impactful and not super difficult for anyone. The first one would be to check in with the transgender coworker, you know, especially if you’re a leader, you know, Team Leader, check in with your coworker who’s trans, or if you’re a parent with your child, and ask them how you can best support them, because, you know, everyone’s different. I mean, you know, some people are really going to appreciate some active support, for example, in the workplace from a leader, and others are going to not want a lot of attention drawn to them, and they may not want that support, and they may like support in different areas, so checking in with them is a great thing to do, because you’re going to get guidance right there on you know what to do. And I would say that’s sort of an ongoing thing. So because you’re going to find yourself in situations where you’re just not sure, I always give the example of like you’re in a work meeting and someone accidentally uses the wrong pronoun for, you know, a co worker. That’s what I would consider a gray area of allyship, because for some folks, they’re like, please, please step in and say something. I’m tired of telling people. And for other folks, they’re like, there are new people at the table. I’m uncomfortable. I don’t feel Yeah, I don’t want you drawing attention to this. Don’t say anything, and you have no idea of knowing unless you ask the person. So it’s going to be an ongoing thing of checking in and just saying, you know, what else needs to be done? How else can I support you? So maybe things like that that are very personal, it may be things that are bigger picture. Like, hey, it’d be really nice if we had an all gender restroom in our building. Like, I have to. Go across the street to the library to use the restroom safely, you know, like, what’s needed, right? Yeah, so that’s an easy an easy start is just check in with the person and see what you can do and and keep that sort of an ongoing check in another one. Again, for I’m sort of thinking of like the workplace leader. But of course, this is great for for everyone model the correct language, and also how to mess up properly, because we’re all going to mess up. And there are, you know, great ways to do that, and there are ways that draw a lot of attention to that. But one of the things that I like to say is like, one of the, I think the best ways that we can show respect to a person, anyone, whether they’re cis or trans or anything, is to get their name and their pronoun correct. And so, you know, this isn’t like something special, some special way that we’re treating trans people. You know, I like to give the example of like a woman who changes her name when she gets married. You know, this is considered the norm in our culture, and so no one gets angry at the women. Gosh, I wish these women would stop changing their names. I can’t get it right. No one says this, right? It’s like, that’s understood that that’s a typical thing to do, right? And people are just like, Oh yeah, it’s gonna take a little time, but I’m gonna get that new name, or

Maria Ross  26:11

they correct them, like, easily, right? Like, no, Maria’s married now. Her last name is Rob. Okay, right, okay, yeah, thanks, right.

Jeannie Gainsburg  26:17

But all of a sudden, it’s like, you know, someone’s pronoun, someone has a new pronoun, and it’s like, people take it personally. They’re like, why should I have to, you know? And so I think those examples are really great because, like, well, this is something we do for everyone. So, yeah, special just because this person’s trans, or someone who’s like, name is difficult for us to pronounce in English, same thing. Let’s be respectful and put a little practice into that, you know, to try and get it right. So again, modeling the correct language messing up properly. And just a real simple thing I like to say about messing up when it’s a situation where you’ve used a wrong name or pronoun is, keep

Kate Brookes  26:54

it short,

Jeannie Gainsburg  26:55

keep it simple. Don’t sob on anyone’s shoes. Yes, you know, I like

Maria Ross  26:59

to, I like to think of that as, like, Don’t Michael Scott it from the office, you know, like, he’s actually made it a bigger deal than it exactly.

Jeannie Gainsburg  27:06

Yeah, exactly. You can make it such a big deal that you get in ridiculous situations where the person’s now trying to make you feel better. Because, you know, like, come on. So you want to make it sincere, but you also want to keep it very brief. So just like, oh, excuse me, or I’m sorry. Same thing as if you get someone’s married name wrong. Like, oh, right, sorry, I’m gonna work on it. You know, just really short and that you

Maria Ross  27:26

wouldn’t, you wouldn’t be going off on, if that, like, in that scenario, I just love this, because this is real for people. If it was a married person, you wouldn’t be going on and on about how. Like, well, not that I don’t love married people. Married people are great. My neighbors are married people. And, like,

Jeannie Gainsburg  27:41

my best friends are married.

Maria Ross  27:44

Yeah, you would never do that. So you don’t need to do it. You don’t need to justify and backtrack. It’s just like, wow, I’m really sorry.

27:49

Yeah, it’s so true.

Jeannie Gainsburg  27:52

Yes. And then the final tip I have for folks is to practice. So one of the things that’s really important to keep in mind about humans is that we don’t retain information well, unless we actually practice so for example, if you have a friend who just told you you go out to dinner and they’re like, Hey, by the way, I’m I’m using the pronoun they now, right? You see that that friend again a month from now at the movies, you’re likely to resort to that old pronoun, because we don’t retain that information for a month, right? Unless we actually practice it. And so I would, I always say, just like practice. So if you’re struggling with someone’s pronoun, find ways to practice either that you know you set your phone to send you a daily message that says, What are so and so’s pronouns like test yourself every morning, right? Or find things out in the world that sort of, you can, you can, sort of, I always say this is sort of like self, internal self talk. You know, you walk by their their cubicle at work, and you’re like, gosh, they’re neat, wow. I’ll have to ask them, them for some tips on how they stay so organized in your head. Use the correct pronoun whenever these types of things, we really need to work at it. We’re not just going to automatically get someone’s name or pronoun right without practicing

Maria Ross  29:08

it. Yeah, I love that. Such great tips, and I want to, I want to take a step back also to to talk to Kate and Jayna about their experiences, because I think what’s so interesting to me, and why I am so curious about people in the in in this situation and living these lifestyles, is the moment of clarity. So for you like Jana, I don’t, I don’t know how old you were when you transitioned fully, but what was, what was the spark, what was the moment of clarity? Because I think when we know that and we understand that about other people, we can, we can tell what, what phase they’re in, of of acceptance, do you know what I’m saying? So for you, what was that? What was that spark? What was that epiphany where you’re like, Yeah, I’m going all in on this. And maybe it was a slow. Burn, I don’t know. So

Jayna Sheats  30:01

it’s, it’s a good question and and I would give a shout out to Jeannie describing how many people go through that in different ways. First of all, I detest the word transition, not and it’s just not a criticism, because it’s a ubiquitously used and my what I think about, it isn’t going to change anything but share with us that we need to know you don’t transition, except in the eyes of the law. So I don’t believe there is any indication whatsoever that transgender people are not born with that identity, but it may take anywhere from two years to a lifetime to accept it. And the question is, why is it take so so long for some people, and why is it so hard? And the answer is, because it’s scary, because society has made it scary, and people react to that in very different ways. Some people are, you know, you have, like, my, my grandson has a personality that is so different from anything that I imagined as a child. I mean, he’s just, he’s out there, you know, and he does things I would never have dreamed. I mean, I wouldn’t have gotten away without I went and thrashed into a pulp if I had, but I wouldn’t have even tried it. Yeah, and that determined. So there’s no doubt. I mean, I knew, I knew that I was, that I was a girl at the age of probably five, which is the first time I think I saw a girl, because we lived in a place where there were no neighbors. And of course, I repressed this notion, but I knew it. And so I can look back at my consciousness of myself now and see how I knew things, and within 33 milliseconds, which is about the neural Trent cycle time, repressed it. So how people deal with that is very, very individual.

Maria Ross  31:59

And at what point did you feel safe? What was the what was the difference maker for you?

Jayna Sheats  32:05

Oh, the question so I went through getting married, having having a family, we adopted children, which was, yeah, anyway, don’t get off the subject. But it was the and I thought, okay, it’s too late to do this. And then, and then, I don’t want to call it, you know, there’s different ways of committing suicide too. You don’t have to just sort of jump off a bridge or shoot yourself. There are ways of doing it day by day, year by year, for a lifetime. And it came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t do that anymore, despite the fact that I had, you know, two children and a wife who thought that this was, you know, she wasn’t married, she didn’t plan on being married to a woman, which was understandable. So,

Maria Ross  32:54

yeah, yeah, yeah. It was interesting. I had a guest on my show, Corey Lovejoy who, interestingly enough, a few years prior to that interview with her, I had an interview with Corey Custer, a man who was an executive, and so it was the same person, and I interviewed her later, after she had decided to live her life as who she really was. And it was interesting to me because I really heard her story stuck with me, and I’ll put a link in the show notes to her interview. But because when she was younger, she knew, but she thought something was wrong with her. She thought she was mentally ill. That’s, that’s the message she got. And so lived her life similar to you. You know, got married, had kids, and then it’s finally free and and knowing her from having interviewed her, I think it was two years prior that I interviewed Corey as a man. When I interviewed her two years later, even the way she looked on a zoom call was different. She was just so bright and alive and happy and and I remember even back then, when I did the first interview, it just seemed like, oh, maybe the lighting is bad. Maybe they’re just having a bad day. Maybe it was just remarkable. And I remarked on it when we did the interview, and I was like, This is what happens when you live who you really are. And, you know, same thing, very scary. But it’s just that, you know, this is kind of leading me into the question I want to delve into with Kate. It’s just all these messages we get when we’re younger, and the different experiences people have when they’re younger, and they’re trying to sort this out for themselves, of who they really are on the inside, it can make such a difference if you’re growing up in a house like Kate’s, versus, you know, in a house someone else is growing up in, and the impact on your mental health and your ability to be a thriving individual and to just thrive as who you really are. So I kind of want to ask the same question, Kate, where was the moment of realization for you and I there? You know, there might be folks out there listening who are maybe their child is not transgender. Her yet, but they have a suspicion. Maybe they haven’t talked about it. Could you share a little bit if you’re open to it, about what was that realization like in your family? Absolutely. So

Kate Brookes  35:10

the realization for my daughter happened over time she and Jayna, I will use the word transition, because that’s the word my daughter uses. She socially transitioned at eight years old. But long story short, I gave birth to to twins, Jacob and Gideon in 2009 and when the doctor said it’s a boy, and then a minute later, it’s another boy, my husband and I believe the doctor, until we did, and over time, we realized that one of our twins, Gideon, seemed to gravitate towards more stereotypical, quote, unquote, girl stuff. Favorite, pink and purple. Liked wearing tutus, my shoes, my dresses. And candidly, first, we figured maybe Git is gay. And honestly, we were hoping that he was just gay, not because we’d love him any less if he realized he was a she, but because, statistically, as we discussed earlier, Life can be tough for trans kids and adults, but we knew that we would support both of our kids and love them both regardless, and I think for my daughter, who’s now Gabriella Gabby, it was There were a couple of kind of aha moments when she was presenting as Gideon after a birthday party. That was a super fun birthday party that night. Always, Gideon got upset after celebrating a birthday party. And in retrospect, I think it’s also always it might have had something to do with one more year and I’m still, everyone still thinks I’m a boy. So we’re so kids are going to bed one one night after their fabulous birthday party, and Gideon calls me into the room, Mom, will you come here? And it’s usually that’s that means you’re going to be in there forever. You know twins. You really just want five years old. You want them to go to sleep right. Roll up into his bunk bed, and he said to me, Mama, why don’t my friends know me? And they said, What do you mean? Of course, your friends know you. And he said, No, they don’t. Jacob got all the gifts he wanted his birth, at his at our birthday party, and only Gila Gideon, his best girlfriend, got me a Barbie. My friends don’t know me. And I tried to explain to get that, you know, I was like, grasping for straws. You know, sometimes parents just buy in bulk, and it’s not that they don’t know you, and, of course, they know you and they love you. But Jacob got everything he wanted and rattled for the and and he was right. And I didn’t tell GID that. Well, we probably didn’t tell the other parents that maybe this is what you like. And then I thought, Wait, maybe we can just return some of the gifts and exchange them for gifts that you do want. And GID was like, Oh my gosh, Mom, we can do that. And I said, of course, we can. So rubbing his back, and I kind of feel the muscles start to unclench, and I think we’re getting somewhere. And softly, quietly, GID says, Mama, sometimes I wish I was a girl. And I said, Well, that’s okay, love mommy and daddy will love you if you’re a boy, a girl or a bunny rabbit. And somehow that was enough. Don’t know how the bunny rabbit jumped into my mind, but it did, and that seemed to quell did for a few years, and I’m thinking like, wow, I wish I was a girl. I didn’t say I am a girl, so I’m woo dodge that bullet, except for in my heart of hearts, I knew we really didn’t dodge a bullet. Fast forward a couple years, my kids learned what the word transgender meant, and so all these questions came popping up out of out of both kids. Then at about eight years old, I’m walking down the street holding Gideons hand was with him, not my not his brother. We had this alone time after school. One had a plum play date. One didn’t we stopped at a light and get looked up and me and said, Mama, I think I’m a transistor, to which I replied, Do you mean transgender? And get said, Yes, when I was in your tummy, I was supposed to come out a girl. It was a mistake. And in retrospect, I wish I said, Oh, baby, nothing about you is a mistake. But I said something to the effect of mommy and daddy love you. If you say you’re a girl, we believe you and we’re going to work through this as though there was like some magical finish line that I was going to work towards, Yeah, us towards, and as if there was an end point. But it was at that moment that Gabriela realized she was Gabriela, although my husband and I had been going to support group meetings for parents of gender non conforming kids for a while, because we really thought this could be where it was headed, and we didn’t want to give we were scared to say the word transgender for a long time, and I’m embarrassed to say that, because I’m think of Florida, just say gay, like as though you say the word gay, they’re going to become gay, yeah, and it was still scary. So I would say I absolutely mourned the loss of one of my sons and what I perceived to be a. Quote, normal family. And over time, I learned to celebrate my daughter and realize that there is no such thing as a normal family, and that would and that’s kind of a beautiful thing. So it wasn’t overnight. And I do echo what, what Jaina says that, you know, the trans community isn’t a monolith. I mean, some people know when they’re two. Some people figure it out when they’re 50. Some Yeah, buddy could maybe, you know, maybe their gender identity changes at times, you know, and toggles back and forth. But we tried to follow the lead as best we could. Of our daughter tried to support her along the way, and I’m embarrassed to say that we, at times, really were wishing that she was just gay. Now I couldn’t. I mean, I’m the proudest mom in the world to both of my children, and this is who she’s supposed to be. This not even supposed to be. This is who she is. Yeah, I don’t, I don’t view it as a choice. She is, just who she is. So now I’m grateful, and it was

Maria Ross  41:03

hard, yeah, yeah, completely honest and and thank you for sharing your vulnerability and your your vulnerability through that process, because I think that’s going to help a lot of people who might be in this situation. And I’m wondering if, as kind of as we wrap up, kind of shifting to, I know I’m kind of going back and forth because I’m like, Oh, I could talk to you all. Could talk to you all for like, three hours. But as we kind of go back into the workplace setting,

41:28

is there any advice, and

Maria Ross  41:30

maybe that’s not the setting for anyone to acknowledge anything if they don’t know someone well enough. But is there any advice you can give around if you see a co worker or an employee who’s struggling, not like a parent to child relationship, but if you suspect they there’s something, might be something going on there in terms of that they really are a different gender. What I mean? I know there’s legal ramifications. I’m not talking about that of like HR rules and things like that. But what is there anything a manager or a colleague could do other than just be there for someone, even if they suspect they might not be able to say anything, they might not be able to the person might not be ready to hear anything. But how could we better support those colleagues or those people in our workplaces that we’re spending so much time with, and be there to support them, without scaring them, without overstepping, without offending any guidance on that.

Kate Brookes  42:33

May I offer a quick tip, and I’m not the tip yes and yes, something that I’ve given given a lot of thought to again, I think representation matters and words matter. And by that, I don’t mean that we should make sure that we have X percent of trans people working in our in our in our workplace, right? I just mean indicate to people that they’re who they are is accepted. So how can we do that when you’re speaking publicly, when you’re speaking to a group and referring to people insert, you know, whether he, she or they, prefers this coffee or that coffee. That is a subtle, just a little bit of a subtle hint that, that, wow, he, she, they. Certainly. There’s other things on the gender spectrum. There’s a but that’s a subtle hint that, wow, maybe I don’t have to be binary here. Maybe I don’t have to fit in a box here, and I think that little hint could make someone feel a little more comfortable. Second thing, when you hear somebody saying something that is unkind is transphobic, in the same way that the black community is not responsible, not responsible for making people not racist, and Jews are not responsible entirely for making people, making sure that people aren’t anti, anti semitic. The Trans community is not responsible for doing all the work. So these little subtle things, he, she, they calling somebody out in a respectful way. Because if you treat disrespect with disrespect, then it usually it goes. So those are just as as a mom and as a worker at a university part time gig. Those are things that I try to do right anyone else have something to add?

Jeannie Gainsburg  44:11

I so I actually I want to give credit where credit is due. Jacob Tobiah, who wrote the book Cissy, a coming of gender story, definitely sissy. I think it’s a coming of gender story. They wrote in their book that they think we need a new metaphor, rather than coming out of the closet. They like the metaphor of thinking of a snail coming out of a shell, because there’s a good part of your book. Yeah, thank you. Well, and again, it’s, it’s their it’s their idea. But I love that, because it basically it, you know, when a snail hides in its shell, we don’t, you know, think of the snail as being not brave or withholding or dishonest, right? Like we do somehow with people who are in the closet, like, what’s wrong with them? Why don’t they just come out, you know? Like, we’re we’re fine, we’re okay, you know, yeah, whereas. With a snail, you’re, like, that snail’s not coming out of its shell. You’ve scared it like there’s, there’s an environment problem. And I really like that, that reframe. And so if we think about the snail and the person that you’re talking about, maybe is in that shell, they’re they’re not feeling comfortable coming out. I like to say that if you work for a big company and you have, like, very few, or no out LGBTQ, plus people, your snails are hiding.

Maria Ross  45:23

So yeah, because they’re there. Yeah, they’re there.

Jeannie Gainsburg  45:27

So it’s not just as one person. So I think, you know, if we brought in that, and think, not only how can I help this person who I think might be struggling with their gender, but how can I help all the snails who are at our workplace and are not feeling safe and comfortable, right? So those are things like, you know, again, what Kate said that language so important not making assumptions. Let’s not say good morning ladies to a group of people who we, you know, sort of assume are women, but we’re just looking at them and making that call. Or, you know, we’re using gendered language, and we’re, you know, saying things like, Oh, what a gorgeous wedding ring. You know, what does your husband do like really being aware of our language and making sure that we are staying open, because you you can be sure LGBTQ plus, people are listening to this. They are listening to what Kate said. Oh, they just use the pronoun, you know, he, she and they. Oh, wow. They said partner. They didn’t say wife or husband. And then the visibility thing is huge, too. And I think that’s such a great place where allies can step up to the plate. You know, Hey, pride month, let’s have a huge pride month display. Or let’s, you know, have a table at the Pride festival. You know, these are all ways that you can show as an agency, that you are, you know, inclusive. And you know, these are just all things, again, that are going to create an environment where hopefully your snails won’t be frightened. Yeah. Oh, I

Maria Ross  46:43

love that reframe. And it’s, I think it’s so true, because even the little things, it’s, they’re watching for signals. We’re all watching for signals on if the world around us is safe or not, and there’s things that cisgender folks take for granted, because the world is designed for us, so we only notice the outliers, but there’s other people that need to see those signals to feel safe and know that it’s this is an environment, if and when I’m ready, I know that I will be accepted here. I know that I will find safety here. So I really appreciate those tips, because I think that might be something that people listening to this may be experiencing in their workplaces, or in, you know, in their community, in their friend group. You know, maybe there is a friend who it’s sort of like everyone suspects that they’re not really living their truth. But how do you actually broach that subject? Someone and Jana, I would just like to offer you an opportunity. Is there anything that that would have been helpful to you as you were really coming to terms and wanting to live your honest life,

Jayna Sheats  47:42

not being afraid for my life. No. I mean, sorry, I’m being glib, but because the premise of the novel is based on fact, it is entirely fiction. And yet, in a way, none of it’s fiction. And in the 1950s it didn’t have to be in rural Colorado. That’s just the environment that I could write about the most easily, because, because I had lived there. But it could have been in the middle of New York City in 1950s as a transgender woman, person, but, but it was the woman it’s harder to pass. And as a transgender woman, you had three choices. You could if you were had entertainment skills like Christine Jorgensen did, then you can make it there, because oddity is more tolerated. You’re not going to get an Academy Award, but you can make a living. The other two alternatives are, you pass completely and nobody knows, or you work the streets. That’s the way it was. And if you think that I’m exaggerating about that, Lynn Conway, who recently passed away just a few months ago, who was a electrical engineer whose work was in many ways responsible for the computers that we’re using here for this conversation, was forced out of IBM in 1968 for wanting to make her to wanting to come out, and had to start over in CONGEDO. And for the next 30 years, she was not known. And then somebody started to poke around the IBM archives. And so she then came out and became a very, very prominent and powerful ally and advocate for the next 20 years the University of Michigan, but that’s what she said about what she saw in 1968 so, and we’re going back to that. I mean, you know, parts of the country, as Kate said, are going back to it, and parts of it are not. So we’re, we’re splitting apart, and if we could figure out a way to split, come back together again, exactly,

Maria Ross  49:42

exactly. And I just want to ask one last question. Do you think we’ll ever get to a point where, as a culture, we’re not even using the word transgender anymore? We’re just referring to people as men or women or some other word? I mean that to me, that

Jayna Sheats  49:57

would be, that would be the idea. Well. And of course, it’s kind of like, you know, the colorblind society, you know, we are a few generations from even being able to think that way. I would like to hope that. And you put your actually, you underscored a point that, to me as a scientist, is annoying, and that is, there should be a good word for non binary people. You know, it’s just an awkward word, good phrase,

50:29

and, and, but

Jayna Sheats  50:31

that’s real and, and it should be just totally on an equal footing. And one should be able to, yeah, when we need a nomenclature, nomenclature Commission,

Maria Ross  50:46

we do. We do well, we could talk so much longer, but I just appreciate all of you. I appreciate all of you sharing your own life experiences and your written work to help all of us be better and be more inclusive. So thank you Kate. Thank you Jeannie. Thank you Jaina, for joining the conversation today, and we will have all of your links to all of you, all of your books, but just for folks, I want to just briefly remind them. Kate’s book is called transistor raising twins in a gender bending world, and that’s transistor not like transistor radio, but T, R, A, N, S, I, S, T, E, R, jeannie’s book is called the savvy ally, a guide for becoming a skilled LGBTQ plus advocate. And jana’s book is called Hannah’s ascent, and she is working on a book called transgender women and athletics. So we will await that when it arrives into the world.

Jayna Sheats  51:43

It should be called, my running title for that, by the way, is jeans, gonads and synapses. I don’t know if that’s going to stay or not.

Maria Ross  51:53

I love it. I love it. And like I said, we will have all the links to your websites in the show notes. But thank you all for this candid conversation and for being here. Thank you so much. Thank you, and thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Rate, review, follow, share with a friend or a colleague, and until next time, please remember cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathyedge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events, please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place. You.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Dr. Tracy Brower: The Secret to Happiness at Work

Happiness seems as elusive and subjective at work as empathy. But there is a link between the two, and we’re going to get into that today! My guest is Dr. Tracy Brower, a PhD sociologist studying work-life fulfillment and happiness. 

Today we discuss what happiness at work means, how happiness is linked to empathy, and the research around what happy workplaces experience in terms of engagement, retention, and performance. Tracy shatters the myths of happiness as a constant state. While we can’t “make people happy” we can create the conditions for happiness. She shares the five measurable conditions for happiness and we discuss the Paradox of Happiness, the benefits of post-traumatic growth, the current loneliness epidemic and the role workplace cultures can play, and the two important components of what it means to thrive. Tracy offers ways you can create connections as a leader – and you’ll love the conversation near the end about how leaders don’t have to take on all the responsibility for this in their culture by themselves!

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Tracy’s Big Five conditions for happiness are: Having a sense of purpose, Connection with other people, Opportunity for learning, growth and challenge, Performing really well, and Gratitude.
  • Sometimes you will have to do work you don’t want to do. Your work won’t always be fulfilling. But that doesn’t mean your career or workplace cannot be nurturing, engaging, and fulfilling despite that work.
  • Thriving always includes an element of striving. There are positive challenges, and positive growth that come out of difficult situations.

It’s actually counterproductive to measure happiness by itself, and the more we think about happiness as its own end, the less likely we are to accomplish it, statistically.

—  Dr. Tracy Brower

Episode References: 

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About Dr. Tracy Brower, VP Workplace Insights, Steelcase

Dr. Tracy Brower is a PhD sociologist studying work-life fulfillment and happiness. She is the author of The Secrets to Happiness at Work and Bring Work to Life. She is the vice president of workplace insights with Steelcase and a senior contributor to Forbes and Fast Company. Her work has been translated into 22 languages, and you can find her on LinkedIn, X, Instagram, or at tracybrower.com

Connect with Tracy Brower:

Steelcase: www.Steelcase.com 

Website: https://tracybrower.com/ 

X: https://twitter.com/TracyBrower108 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracybrowerphd/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tlb108/ 

Book: The Secrets To Happiness at Work 

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FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business. Happiness seems as elusive and subjective at work as empathy, but there is a link between the two, and we get into that today. My guest is Dr Tracy Brower, a PhD sociologist studying work life, fulfillment and happiness. And she is also vice president of workplace insights at Steelcase, the well known manufacturer and global design and thought leader in the world of work. Tracy is the author of the secrets of happiness at work and bring work to life. She’s also a TEDx speaker and a senior contributor to Forbes and Fast Company, and her work has been translated into 22 languages. Today, we discuss what happiness at work means, how happiness is linked to empathy and the research around what happy workplaces experience in terms of engagement, retention and performance. Tracy shatters the myths of happiness as a constant state, and while we can’t, quote, unquote, make people happy, we can create the conditions for happiness. Tracy shares the five measurable conditions for happiness, and we discuss the paradox of happiness, the benefits of post traumatic growth, the current loneliness epidemic, and the role workplace cultures can play and the two important components of what it means to thrive. Tracy shares ways you can create connections as a leader, and you’ll love the conversation near the end about how leaders don’t have to take on all the responsibility for this in their culture by themselves. This was a great one. Take a listen. Welcome. Dr Tracy Brower to the empathy edge podcast to talk to us today about all things happiness at work. What a fun topic. Welcome, yeah, thank

Dr. Tracy Brower  02:34

you for having me. Really glad for our conversation coming up so

Maria Ross  02:38

we heard what you do and the work that you’ve done in your bio that folks have heard, but tell us a little bit about your work now and what got you into this concept of happiness at work. How did that all come about?

Dr. Tracy Brower  02:51

Yeah, I mean, I think it really started when I started thinking about work life and work life fulfillment and how we could do better than balance. I was living the dream as a mom and a wife and working full time, and, you know, being a member of my community and all that kind of thing. So my first book is called bring work to life with alternative ways to think about work life balance, how we can kind of do more than balance, better than balance. And then I was really paying attention to the negative narrative about work. You know, work is a grind. Work is terrible. Work is a salt mine. And I really wanted to research how work could be a source of happiness instead of something that occurs in spite of us, right? And so that was my impetus for happiness at work. Was thinking about how we really could create the conditions for joy when we’re working and when we’re outside of work.

Maria Ross  03:43

I love this so much because with my new book that’s out as of when this airs, it will be out the empathy dilemma, that one of the five pillars of being an effective and an empathetic leader is joy. And that can be a word that delights people when they hear it, but also like, well, what does that mean, and how do I measure it? And if it’s joyful to me, is it joyful to someone else? So can you level set us a little bit on the term happiness? How do you define happiness in your work and research, and what are some myths around happiness?

Dr. Tracy Brower  04:16

Yeah, this is really important, because I think a lot of times we think of happiness as, oh, it’s all Bon Bons and butterflies. And I’m going to be happy every single minute, constantly, you know, all the time, with no ups and downs. And I like to think about, you know, having an overall sense of joy and contentment is something that’s possible even with ups and downs. Our lives will be stressful. We’ll have good days and bad days, but we can have kind of that overall sense of rightness with the world, and we can empower ourselves to create happiness. And I think it’s really interesting. We can talk about how to measure the conditions that go along with happiness, but it’s actually counterproductive to measure happiness by itself, and the more we think about. Happiness as its own end, the less likely we are to accomplish it, statistically for two reasons. One, we’re focused on what we don’t already have, right? We’re chasing happiness, so we’re thinking all the time about what we don’t have. And two, we tend to be focused on ourselves, and that’s negatively correlated with happiness. More positively correlated with happiness is, how are we contributing to others? How are we contributing to the community? And so measuring the conditions for happiness, great idea. We can talk more about that and really thinking about how to your point. Joy is different for everybody, and it’s not going to be a constant state. It will be something that ebbs and flows. And it can absolutely be something that comes from really hard work and really challenging times. Yes,

Maria Ross  05:47

I like to say, you know, in the book, I talk about it’s not just about being happy all the time. I use the word happy, but happy all the time at work, or enjoying your work even all the time, but it’s about having a sense of of lightness and connection and joy, even when the work is hard, you know, because, unfortunately, we can’t always get you know, I still have to do spreadsheets, and I hate it with the white hot passion of 1000 suns, but I still have to do spreadsheets right as part of my work. That’s not going to bring me joy, but in the situation that I’m in, where can I find those moments of joy or create them for myself or my team. So I do want to dig in a little bit on the before we get into the myths of happiness, I do want to talk to you about what types of conditions, when you talk about conditions for happiness, that you can measure, what are some of those conditions? Yeah. So we can

Dr. Tracy Brower  06:39

create the conditions for happiness and lots of ways, there’s so much research here, but my big five, and we can dig into any of these when we have a sense of purpose, right? Just that small thing that we do, we don’t have to solve world peace or world hunger, but purpose, that small thing that we do that matters is one another, is connection with other people, whether we’re introverts or extroverts. A third is opportunity for learning and growth and challenge. A fourth is when we’re performing really well, that tends to bring us a sense of joy. And then the other of the Big Five for me is gratitude, that is so highly correlated with happiness. And so those are the kinds of things we can measure right like, to what extent do I feel like there’s a bigger picture that I’m part of. To what extent do I feel connected with my colleagues? To what extent do I have the opportunity for growth and learning? Right? All of those kinds of things can be measured, so we can dig into any of them. But that’s the key. Instead of pursuing happiness Period End of sentence, we’re creating the conditions for happiness. Yeah,

Maria Ross  07:39

and also it’s that’s not a question you want on your employee engagement survey. Are you happy? Yes or No, right? Exactly. That’s not really good, because it’s like empathy too. Though. You can’t just say, Do you think this organization, our culture, is empathetic? Yes or No, it’s It’s more nuanced than that.

Dr. Tracy Brower  07:53

Yes, exactly, right? And if you ask somebody that question, they’re going to say, well, you know, there was that thing that happened last week, and now that I really think about it, there was that other thing that happened yesterday, whereas, if you’re thinking about those conditions for happiness, and it’s a much more reliable metric, and it’s more actionable, right? Like yes, how do we give people a greater sense of connectedness? How do we create opportunities for people to work together? How do we create opportunities for development, right? All of those are much more actionable. You know, you’re making

Maria Ross  08:23

me think I’m going to put a link in the show notes to another episode, another guest, Logan Mallory, who works for a company called motivosity, and they’re all about helping companies build a culture of gratitude. Because of you know, he cited many of the studies that I’m sure you’re referring to around that link between gratitude and service and even just acknowledgement and engagement at work. And, you know, in my vernacular, I would say engagement at work is linked to that happiness that, you know, if I’m engaged, it’s because I want to be here, and there’s something I’m getting from this environment. If I’m engaged as a worker? Yes,

Dr. Tracy Brower  09:01

exactly. And you think about key elements of engagement, which are really similar to key elements of happiness, vitality, right? Do I feel energized by my work and I’m putting energy into it? Do I feel a sense of immersion with my work, like, oh, I lose track of time sometimes. Do I feel dedicated, right? Like I’m committed to doing a good job, and do I feel like I matter? Like, those are four things I think that are really helpful. And your point earlier is worth repeating. Every single minute of our work lives is not going to be, you know, wonderful, right? Like, I always like to think about kind of that Venn diagram, the intersecting circles, yes, have to do. What do I love to do, right? The more overlap, the better. But you’re never going to get perfect overlap, like I’m always going to have to do expense reports. I’m never gonna make you’re never gonna love spreadsheets. No, no.

Maria Ross  09:51

I love what you said earlier about the Bon Bons and butterflies. It’s, that’s my new puppies and rainbows. That’s, that’s usually what I say, Yeah, and that’s. The thing, because I wrote about in the book, you know, some things I was seeing coming up in the in the in pop culture around, you know, when you see this, you know you should only do what you’re passionate about and follow your bliss and all this. And that’s great. But then I saw something in it, newsletter that I am actually way too old to subscribe to. It’s for mostly women in their 20s, but I just find it hilarious and really well written. And they were talking about assessing if you’re in the right culture, in the right job. And the the crux of it was valid. But one of the things they said was, you know, you need to talk to your boss if you if spreadsheets don’t bring you joy, that’s where I got the spreadsheets analogy. You need to tell them that something has to change. And it’s like, no, if that’s the work that needs to be done, sometimes it is work we don’t want to do, but is the environment that we’re swimming in, nurturing and engaging and fulfilling. Even sometimes, when the work is not

Dr. Tracy Brower  10:54

Yes, exactly, sometimes the word won’t be fulfilling. And the other thing that I think is always really interesting is the paradox of happiness and accomplishment. When you accomplish something, if you have worked really hard for it, you will feel better about that accomplishment than if it just came really easy to you. And so I think we have this strange narrative right now about how we want to get rid of all stress, get rid of all challenge anything you don’t like you shouldn’t be expected to do, and that’s just not the case, right? Like there will be, there will be things we don’t love as much. There will also be things that are hard and hard, things can actually bring us happiness, because we’re really rolling up our sleeves and learning something new. We’re challenging ourselves. Usually, if we’re doing something really hard, we’re working with other people, and that builds our understanding for them and our respect for them, and we’re relying on other people. And so those kinds of things really add to the level of happiness, even though they’re challenging.

Maria Ross  11:52

I love that you said that because there is this idea of wanting a friction free life and to kind of get really personal. I remember when I had a major medical trauma many years ago, and coming back from that, I was actually I had always been a type A goal setter, and I was scared for a few years to set goals, because I felt like I was setting myself up for failure. But what I will say is, in that period where I was trying to make my life friction free, as I like to say, I also wasn’t challenging myself the way that I like to challenge myself in a way that makes me feel good about overcoming the challenges. And so there’s kind of a mixed message in the in culture today of we do want we obviously want to work on our mental health. We want to be balanced. We want to feel fulfilled. But it doesn’t mean it’s not with any friction, exactly. So there’s, there’s, there’s this idea of,

Dr. Tracy Brower  12:50

like, gliding through everything because we want flow. But there’s also something to be said about the grit. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And there’s actually, actually a thing called Post Traumatic Growth. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder we’re all familiar with, right? But post traumatic growth is also a thing. When you go through something really, really hard, you wouldn’t invite it. You wouldn’t want that trauma or that difficulty. But when you go through something really difficult, you, number one, get a renewed sense of your own capabilities, like, oh my gosh, I never thought I could have gotten through that. Number two, you get a renewed sense of your people. You know who your people are, that you can rely on, and you get a renewed sense of your priorities, because when you’re going through something really hard, everything else falls away. So those are the friction points that you don’t necessarily invite, but they can have positive outcomes and positive consequences. And then I think there’s friction points that we want right like when we’re stretching anywhere, we are stretching everywhere. So when we go and invite the friction of learning a new language, invite the friction of doing something hard physically, invite the friction of a cognitive challenge, invite the friction of putting ourselves in a situation where we’re learning more about people who are really different than we are, those are really positive for us, and we thrive on friction thriving. Actually, there’s wonderful research on thriving that comes out of both elite athletes and child development literature, and thriving always includes two aspects. One, we’re reaching our personal best, right, like I did the sprint, and my personal best time. And thriving always includes an element of striving, like, what am I going for next? What’s my goal? What’s What am I excited about achieving next? And so those are positive frictions, and I think we need to understand the differences between those. It’s like the concept of eustress, right? Eustress is the just right amount of stress. It keeps us getting out of bed in the morning, keeps us challenged. Yes,

Maria Ross  14:52

so I know we’re probably touching on a few of these, but what are some other myths about happiness, especially when it comes to the workplace, if you’re a. Leader going, I really want to create a happy culture. What are some caveats you would say for folks to look out for that you know that it’s like The Princess Bride? I don’t think that means what you think it means kind of situation

Dr. Tracy Brower  15:12

exactly. Tell

Maria Ross  15:13

me, I know we’re it sounds like we’re talking about some of them. But can you sort of summarize for us what some of those myths are and why they can be dangerous, actually, yeah, for sure.

Dr. Tracy Brower  15:22

You know one of the first things to know is that happiness has incredible business benefits. There’s so much research on this, when people are happier, it is not about a fluffy outcome. People perform better, they’re physically healthier. They tend to be a more positive influence on the culture. They tend to be retained longer. They tend to be more innovative. So one myth to be aware of from a work standpoint, is that it is really a business benefit to focus on, how do we create the conditions for people to be happy around here? Another myth of happiness is that it should be constant. We talked a little bit about that. In reality, we’re going to see ebbs and flows, so we are not looking to remove all friction from everybody. Another really important myth of happiness is about choices. We tend to believe that if we make the right choice, we’ll be happy all the time, and if we’re not happy all the time, maybe we chose wrong right. Like we choose the partner that we want to spend our life with. We choose the place we want to live. We choose the place we want to work. In reality, every choice we make is a set of conditions. There’ll be things you love about your job, like we talked about things not so much, right? There’ll be things you love about where you live, but maybe not every single thing. So the myth of choice can be freeing when you realize you’re just going to do your best to make your best choice. Right? Now, another myth of happiness is kind of a silver platter myth, where you believe that you know when the silver platter arrives and all the things are right, right? You’ll,

Maria Ross  16:48

you’ll, you’ll be content

Dr. Tracy Brower  16:49

for yes, yeah, when I get through this hard project, when I get through this hard time, when I deal with this hard situation. But there will always be things that get in the way of our happiness, and so we’ve got to remind ourselves that we’re empowered to create the conditions for happiness no matter what’s going on outside of us, like we don’t want to give away the power to create our home happiness. So those are some of the those are some of the myths that I think are really important.

Maria Ross  17:14

Okay, I love all of that, because there’s so much to unpack there. And I think number one, I want to just point out, and again, I’ll put a link in the show notes. It’s always when I talk to guests, they always remind me of other guests. But I had a great guest on Jamie Greenwood, who’s a women’s leadership coach and a women’s coach, and she talks a lot about what would happen if you organized your your life around joy, meaning in in the day to day, in the mom, errands, in the work, errands in all that. What would it look like to have joy as an organizing principle? And I think that’s getting to what you’re saying in that it’s and what I’m saying too is it’s not it doesn’t always just happen. Sometimes you have to seek it out in the situation you’re in and being realistic about the situation you’re in and going, where can I find the levity? Where can I find the joy? And so I think that’s really important, that it doesn’t, you know, you can’t look at your culture and just expect it to happen. It’s, are you creating those opportunities? You talked about it earlier? What are some of those, those measures that you can put in place that can optimize for joy? And so I think that that’s that’s something that we miss because we think it is fluffy, we think it is unimportant. We think it detracts from us performing at our best, or innovating, or doing all the quote, unquote important things we have to be doing. But if we organized for joy in the midst of the challenging goals, in the midst of the high performance expectations, I think we’d be a lot better served. And the other thing that struck me about what you said is how much the data around happiness and empathetic cultures and leaders are similar how people perform at their best, how they’re able to be more creative, be more collaborative, be more innovative, be more trusting when you have empathy. And that’s why I think empathy and happiness can sometimes get get wrapped together. So can you explain for us what might be that link between empathetic whether it’s an empathetic leader or an empathetic culture and happiness?

Dr. Tracy Brower  19:15

Yeah, absolutely. And I think one of the things you said that’s really important to start with, is just an intentionality, right? Like we want to be intentional about at an individual responsibility, creating conditions for happiness, and then at an organizational at a leadership level, creating the conditions for happiness. Like I always say leaders, leaders aren’t responsible for other people’s happiness or well being, but they’re responsible too, so we are each responsible for our own well being, happiness, joy, but leaders have a responsibility to create an organization where we can connect with each other, where we can learn and grow, where we feel understood, where we can bring our whole selves and the relationship between empathy and happiness, I think, is a really solid one. So like one of the things we know is that when we have a few good friends, when we feel connected to colleagues, that is incredibly correlated with happiness, and it is one of the main indicators for health and well being as well. And thing that’s really important, there’s some amazing research out of BYU having a few good friends is more important to health outcomes than your habits around diet, exercise or drinking, and not hard with smoking, like it literally affects dementia, cancer, mental health, heart disease, longevity and so having a few good friends is critical. 75% of people say they make their friends at work, even if they’re not like BFFs. But yeah, like you feel did you feel seen? Somebody knows if you’re showing up. And the thing that’s really fascinating about happiness is it’s very correlated with focusing on others instead of ourselves. We talked about that, but that means I’m tuning in, I’m attending to you, I’m asking you questions, I’m thinking about how you might be feeling. I’m respecting your point of view. I’m seeking you out in order to understand where you’re coming from, right? And those are fundamental links to empathy and an empathetic culture. So that connectedness, that’s happiness and well being, even for introverts, is so fundamental to empathy as well.

Maria Ross  21:27

Yeah, absolutely, it’s that. It’s, it’s, there’s an inside job that needs to be done to help you practice empathy in terms of you need to kind of get your own house in order and be be solid and be stable and make room and space for someone else’s point of view. But then eventually it has to go outward. And then there’s then there’s this virtuous cycle that happens, because when you put that out there, you get back and again, thinking of another guest. Shasta Nelson is a friendship and social relationship expert. She wrote a book called The business of friendship that cites a lot of these studies that you’re talking about, and one of the ones she and I’m probably going to cite it wrong, but it was one also cited by the US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy Murphy, about loneliness, the loneliness epidemic, and how being lonely can have just as Much of a physical impact on our body as again, I’m going to get this wrong, something like smoking two packs a day of cigarettes or something like that. Is that accurate? Okay, great, yeah. In

Dr. Tracy Brower  22:29

fact, I’ve just, I just did a segment on CBS News. I’ve written a couple of articles, more than a couple articles on loneliness for Forbes, and absolutely, it’s a really significant epidemic right now, and this actually, interestingly, goes back to friction. We don’t talk to each other in our day to day life, as much as we used to, we’ve elevated convenience over connection, but I don’t talk to the barista. I order on the app, I don’t talk to the checkout person. I get the delivery at my door. And so work ends up being a really important place that we feel connected, we feel seen, we can empathize with others and get a reduced sense of loneliness because of that connection. That doesn’t mean we have to be in the office eight to five, Monday through Friday. It doesn’t mean we have to connect face to face every single time, but it does mean that work has an expanded role to create those opportunities for connection. So yeah, like in the secrets to happiness at work, I really talk about how how we show up has a very significant influence on other people. Sociologically speaking, we learn from other people. We learn most from other people, from listening to what they say, from watching what they do, from drawing conclusions about their choices and so how we show up has a huge impact on other people, no matter what role we’re in and whether we realize it or not. So when we are feeling more grounded ourselves, when we have those conditions in place for us to have solid mental health, we can be helpful to others as well, and we can reach out and ask for help when we need it. Of course,

Maria Ross  24:03

of course, of course. And I always say, you know, empathy is not about coercion, it’s about connection. And so in order to have that connection, there’s got to be a relationship where I’m, I’m getting curious to try to understand you, just as much as you’re trying to get curious to understand me. Otherwise, we’re just talking at each other, right? And so it’s very the link is there. I think no one’s articulated it so well as you have, in terms of the link between empathy and being an empathetic leader, being an empathetic colleague, and happiness and your own fulfillment and thriving at work. And so, you know, this is why I wrote the first book the empathy edge was to show the business case for empathy, and, quite frankly, to speak to selfish motives, if I had to, to get people to understand what’s in it for them, because then once you’re empathetic, you can’t unsee that. You can’t once you decide to see someone else’s point of view, you can’t unsee it. So I was like, whatever is going to get people. People there to help them understand and so it’s very similar of like, hey, let’s embrace this, because the moral imperative doesn’t seem to be doing the trick. So let’s embrace this in terms of what is in it for you, what is it? What is in it for your organization? If you pay attention to this and you’re thoughtful about it, I want to just ask one other thing related to what you’re talking about. We’ve talked a lot about the responsibility of leaders in creating this environment. And the pushback I sometimes get is, when am I going to have time for this on top of my work? Like it’s just seems like I’m just getting more added to my plate, and now I have to be responsible for my team members happiness. What is your response to that? Yeah. I

Dr. Tracy Brower  25:44

mean, I think it’s really critical that this is how we do business. This is not additive, right? This is not, this is not about organizing the team lunch. This is not about organizing that extra thing where everybody has to go out and bond, right? If you’re doing something, that’s great. I mean, if it’s authentic, yeah, if it’s authentic, right? But, but what leaders can do is they can be present and accessible. Statistically, one of the main things you can do to drive trust and positive culture is to be accessible, visible, present. And that doesn’t mean you have to be available. 24/7, but it means that you’re responsive to emails, and you make decisions when people ask and when people have questions, you’re responding to them. Another thing that leaders can do is is really connect team members with each other. It’s it’s a myth that we bond best through social. We do bond through social, but we also bond through task. So how can we give people opportunities to maybe get outside of their swim lane and work together on projects closer and then I think the other thing we can do is give people wonderful learning and growth opportunities, right? And ask them, this is the empathetic part, right? Ask them, What are you most interested in? Because everybody doesn’t want to necessarily climb. Everybody isn’t necessarily interested in the same things, and life stage will dictate what feels rewarding at any point as well. So when leaders can ask questions and really, really understand that, I think the other thing that I mean, it’s really hard to be a leader today, there’s some brand new research that 69% of people say that their leader has a greater impact on their mental health than their doctor or their therapist and on par with their partner. So the average leader hears that and goes, Oh my gosh. Like, what? What else? Right? I’m

Maria Ross  27:32

all right. What else? Yeah,

Dr. Tracy Brower  27:34

but it’s a wonderful opportunity, right? Like you have a positive opportunity to impact people in the course of the day, in the course of the work, how you’re listening, how you’re paying attention, how you’re asking people questions, how you’re giving people opportunities to do work that they enjoy as much as possible, all of those things are just part of leading but can be positive for the culture and positive for happiness and employees

Maria Ross  28:01

and positive for performance. Quite frankly, if you, if you invest the time and the energy, I think you know, my answer is always, but this is the job. This is that. This is actually why you’re a leader. Now. It’s not about you doing the work per se anymore. This is the work is to mobilize and inspire and connect your team so they perform. And what I loved about what you said, and I think it’s an important point to highlight, is that it’s not just about the leader giving of themselves all the time to every person, because that’s a recipe for burnout. I talk about this in my book, right? It’s you when you people please, and you just give of yourself and you never recharge. That does no one any favors. But what you said that was so important is also about taking the time to create the structures and engaging everyone else in the process so that it’s kind of operating a little bit without you in terms of you know, if you’re able to set up a really great targeted mentoring program, for example, or you’re able to set up a tradition within your team where people are paired up every month and they go out to lunch together. You know, whatever it is, create the systems and the structure. And I know sometimes those are dirty words, right? But that will enable you to offload it a little bit off of you having to do the one on one, even though that’s important. But can you create an environment where everyone is helping to connect everyone else, and not just you, one to one, connecting with everyone on your team, and they’re not talking to each other. Yes,

Dr. Tracy Brower  29:29

exactly. You’re creating that culture, right? That culture of connectedness, that culture of mental health, where people seeing, that culture of respect absolutely and and a really important way we do that is by thinking about the systems for how we are assigning tasks and how recognizing performance, and, frankly, how we’re holding people accountable, right? This isn’t just about, hey, let’s just be super nice. This is no really we we need you. We need your deliverable. We need your brain in the room. And that’s really. Validating. So performance is correlated with happiness when people have the opportunity to perform at their best through the systems that you talked about, through the opportunities that leaders are creating and providing those absolutely will move the needle when, and I said this over and over in my first book, it was a really big theme in my first book, bring work to life when we do the right thing for people, we do the right thing for the business, they are not right. There are business benefits to doing the right thing for people within the

Maria Ross  30:29

culture. It’s definitely both and, and that’s why, you know, that’s why I love having this conversation with you. But I just again, to emphasize that point, it doesn’t all have to come from the leader. It’s modeled and sort of put in place by the leader. But as an example, if you create a culture of gratitude or a culture of acknowledgement or a culture of happiness, now you’ve got all these other bright lights doing their thing and sparking things and acknowledging people in meetings, it doesn’t all have to come from you as a leader. And I think that’s the thing that stresses leaders out is I’ve got to do all the connecting and the happiness and the getting to know each other myself like I’m the one that has to thank everybody on my team. No, create a culture and model it, and then let them go, let them take over and do it for each other, which is so important. And not a lot of people on this show have talked about that. So I really wanted to call that out. Yeah, I

Dr. Tracy Brower  31:22

love that. Just one other thing about that that I always talk about the leadership laser, like you don’t even mean to be a model as a leader. You don’t mean to be a model. You don’t mean to be all that. But people over index on watching leaders, paying attention to what you say, how you behave, the choices you make, so you can have a significant influence just by the choices that you make. And you know, the way that we the way that we interact, sends a message to people. And the other thing that I hear from leaders a lot on this topic is, I want to check in with my team member. I want to ask questions, but oh my gosh, I’m not a social worker, and I’m afraid that I’m going to ask the wrong question or TMI, right? But I think you just need to be ready to provide resources. This is your point, right? The leader doesn’t have to do it all, but if the leader can ask questions and then be ready with, ah, here’s a resource, or, boy, here’s something that you can be aware of. And just the process of asking questions, tuning in listening is actually really helpful for people. So it’s a great call that, you know, it doesn’t have to be all on the shoulders of the leader, right?

Maria Ross  32:27

And I love that idea, because it is you, whether you like it or not, you are in a position of modeling, and it’s just like parenting, right? Your actions are going to speak louder than words. And so if you are modeling that behavior, and people go, Hey, that’s something I want to do, because my leader is doing it, whether it’s everything from you actually take your paid time off to every Wow. I noticed, you know, my leader, Tracy, in every meeting, she always thinks someone in the meeting, I’m going to start doing that. You know, I can see how success is possible here, because they’re watching what you do and not just what you say exactly. I love it. I love it. I love it. All right. Well, this, we could probably talk for another hour, but I definitely want folks to check out the book, the secrets to happiness at work. It is out now and then potentially go back and look at your other book, bring work to life, and we will have all your links in the show notes. But for folks that are on the go or exercising right now because it makes them happy. Where’s the best place they can learn more about you and your work.

Dr. Tracy Brower  33:24

Thank you for asking. So you know that I work for Steelcase, which I love. So steelcase.com I’ve also got Tracy brower.com with lots of information, or they can look me up on LinkedIn. Tracy Brower, PhD, so would love people to reach out and tell me how they’re thinking about this. I love that, and as I always do, my PSA for LinkedIn is, if

Maria Ross  33:43

you reach out to Tracy, please put a note that you heard her on the podcast so she doesn’t think that you’re selling her something. This has been wonderful. Tracy, thank you so much for your insights and for this important work and for writing this book. I feel like I’ve met a kindred spirit in talking with you. But thank you so much for your time today. Yeah, thank you for having me. Really appreciate it, and thank you so much for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please rate and review and share it with a colleague and friend, and until next time, please remember, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive, take care and be kind. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathyedge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events, please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place. You.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Empathy Under Pressure: 2024 State of Workplace Empathy (Part 2) with Rae Shanahan

Welcome to another special episode brought to you by the great folks at Businessolver! Their annual State of Workplace Empathy Report has been my go-to for years in finding out exactly how everyone from CEOs to employees thinks and feels about empathy in the workplace. The 2024 report offers so much valuable information to help all of us navigate the new world of work.

In today’s episode, Part 2, A Gameplan for Putting Empathy into Action, Rae Shanahan and I focus on why empathy is hard to achieve when everyone thinks it’s a good idea. We give examples of empathetic leadership – and behaviors that are the opposite of empathy. We dive into a study theme of accountability and the false belief that empathy and accountability are opposites. Rae shares what empathetic culture does for your organization, and gives examples of what employees deem to be empathetic company benefits. Finally, we revisit the three pillars Businesssolver discovered in their research and how to take action on each one.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Everything starts with awareness. We have a chance to impact the culture by focusing on the leaders.
  • Understanding doesn’t mean endorsement. Empathy doesn’t mean you agree or condone behavior or the decision. It means you are there for someone and factor in their point of view.
  • It takes time to build up trust, especially in an environment where it hasn’t been there before.

We are not a one-size-fits-all organization. Employees have different needs and different definitions of benefits depending on where they are in their life cycle.

—  Rae Shanahan

Episode References:

From Our Partner:

Download the 2024 Ninth Annual State of Workplace Empathy study from Businessolver: www.businessolver.com/edge

Discover more valuable content from Businessolver on The Benefits Pulse vodcast: www.businessolver.com/benefits-pulse

About Rae Shanahan, Chief Strategy Officer, Businessolver

Rae Shanahan is an experienced executive with a demonstrated history of working in the information technology and services industry. Known for her strong business development skills in coaching, sales, team building, and healthcare information technology and management, Rae brings a unique blend of strategic insight and empathetic leadership to the table. Her empathetic approach has been instrumental in nurturing the growth of Businessolver from 12 employees to over 1,700. Rae understands the importance of empathy in fostering a collaborative and innovative work environment, ensuring culture is always first. This perspective has guided her efforts as the current Chief Strategy Officer at Businessolver and her previous role as CEO of Innovation Works, where she supported the incubation of new business strategies and opportunities. Her initiatives, including the launch of Businessolver’s Artificial Intelligence Engine, MyChoice Accounts and the Benefits Innovation Group, are all centered on delivering delight to clients and their employees, ensuring that everyone feels valued and heard.

Connect with Businessolver & Rae Shanahan:

Website: businessolver.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/raeshanahan

LinkedIn:  linkedin.com/company/businessolver

X:  @Businessolver

Instagram:  @Businessolver

Facebook:  facebook.com/bsolver

Connect with Maria:

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

X: @redslice

Facebook: Red SliceThreads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Maria Ross: 

Hello, I’m Maria Ross, Empathy Advocate and host of the Empathy Edge podcast. And today I’m also guest host for Businessolver’s Benefits Pulse Vodcast. I’m excited and honored to be back and to discuss Businessolver’s latest empathy study findings with Rae Shanahan, Businessolver’s Chief Strategy Officer. 

Today, Rae and I are discussing the second part of Businessolver’s ninth annual state of workplace empathy study, entitled A Game Plan for Putting Empathy into Action. Businessolver has been studying the state of empathy in the workplace for nine years now, and their report has become the gold standard in empathy thought leadership, cited by renowned behavioral and organizational psychologists and news outlets like Forbes, Fast Company, CNN, and Inc. And of course, empathy advocates like me.

This is the second episode in our two-part series where we’ll focus on exploring the empathy findings. If you missed the first one, you can find the recording, the show notes, and many more episodes on Businesssolver.com/benefits-pulse. 

So let’s dive in. 

Hello, Rae, welcome.

Rae:

Hi Maria, great to see you again.

Maria:

It’s always good to see you. And this report was so chock full of findings that we had to break this up into two episodes, which I love. 

In the first episode, we talked a lot about the trends that you saw, the themes that emerged. And today, I know we’re going to be talking a little bit more about now, what can we do? What can leaders do? What can C-suite do? What can HR leaders do to actually put empathy into action? 

Before we get there, I just want to talk about that there continues to be obviously a focus around empathy, not just from folks like us who’ve been talking about it for years, but from all of those who are in leadership positions. 

There’s a lot of agreement that empathy is a good idea and empathy brings all these benefits to the business. But why is it so hard to put it into action? Like what is the sticking point for CEOs and HR leaders?

Rae:

Well, I agree with you. 

I think one of the stats out of our report, Maria, was that across the board, 83% of employees, HR professionals and CEOs all agree that empathy is undervalued by U.S. organizations and is important. 

And then I’m gonna throw another data point in there before we talk about it a little bit more. And that is 55% of CEOs think they lead with empathy at work, but only 28% of employees and 22% of HR share that view. 

So I’m going to say that again, 55% of CEOs think they lead with empathy at work, but only 28% of employees and 22% of HR share that view. And employees rate their manager as the highest impact. 33% of employees see managers as key for building empathetic culture. 

And I thought that was pretty cool because when we think about, talked in the last podcast, that it’s great that CEOs are generating more awareness. It’s oftentimes not in the CEO’s kind of a persona that they can act empathetically all the time. They’re juggling so many things.

So, as long as those HR, as long as those CEOs can be aware, because everything starts with awareness, then maybe we have a chance to really impact the culture by focusing on that, the leaders where I think sometimes employees or some employers will cut that out in tough times.

Maria:

Mm-hmm. Yeah. mean, like you said, at least they’re even acknowledging that it’s there and it’s important. And some of them are even acknowledging they want to be more empathetic, but they just need some help and some support. 

And we can talk about a little bit, we talk about C-suite a lot and we talk about leaders in HR, but we’re really talking about empathy across all levels. Because as I talk about empathy has got to flow both ways. So, are there any, is there anything in the report or in the findings that talk about empathy at different levels of the organization?

Rae:

Yes, in the report, but I think I want to bring in a couple of client stories. 

So earlier this year, we did an empathy podcast with clients, Microsoft and Cognizant. And, again, while they focus at the executive level, what they’ve really done is they put into practice some different types of learning sessions and culture sessions that are really focused on that middle layers of management. 

Because again, just like our study said, it’s those levels that really those employees look to for that empathy and just a great opportunity to foster that in an organization. 

Maria:

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it’s got… No, go ahead.

Rae:

I’d add, I’m sorry, Maria, I’d add to that, you know, you are such a, as you said, an empathy super friend and empathy advocate that when I was going back through some of your materials, I came across what you have as the authenticity checklist and I think any organization, if they truly want to embrace empathy and make change happen, they need to do a true evaluation about the alignment in their organization. 

And hopefully you won’t mind, but maybe we can share that with people in addition to the study because I think you have five or six simple questions that an organization needs to ask. 

So, are we aligned on mission and values? 

What internal policies or practices are in place to foster empathy?

Are we building a safe and trusting environment? 

Are we hiring right? 

And do we implement proactive and flexible customer service environment? 

And I think that those are a great way to gauge the vulnerability of an organization to admit when there’s an opportunity to improve.

Maria:

Absolutely. Yes, can, you know, hopefully we can definitely put that in the show notes for folks to download. 

And it’s really meant to be a conversation starter, whether it’s the organization writ large or your specific team. You can create a microculture within your team, even if you think your very large organization might not be doing the best job at empathy. You as the leader of your group can set the tone. And as you talked about and as the report showed, it’s really about how your manager is treating you that makes the difference to engagement and performance and loyalty.

Rae:

Yes.

Maria:

Okay, so let’s talk about the top behaviors that promote empathy. So let’s get real and say, okay, well, when we’re talking about a leader being empathetic, an organization being empathetic, what are the behaviors or the practices that they exhibit to show us that they are empathetic?

Rae:

You know, I expanded on our prior definition and I found some work by Teresa Wiseman and she says the ability to see the world as others see it, ability to understand another person’s feelings, ability to suspend judgment. 

I love the suspend judgment and the ability to communicate the understanding and understanding does not mean that you endorse it. And you know, I thought that the without judgment and then understanding without endorsing I think were really good and have things to keep in mind.

Maria:

Absolutely. think the minute judgment comes into play, there’s not going to be a connection there because the other person’s going to know you’re thinking something one way or the other about them. 

But if you can learn to listen with discernment and not judgment of just, let me understand what you’re saying so we both can have the same conversation, that ability to do that and not be scared of what you’re going to hear back is a marker of a really empathetic and quite frankly, high self-esteem leader, because they feel comfortable enough that they know they can accept someone else’s point of view without defensiveness or fear.

Rae:

Right, right. And I think those might be good things to keep in mind as we enter this interesting election season.

Maria:

Mm-hmm, definitely, definitely. 

Yeah, and to your point about her work finding that it’s not about endorsement, you and I have talked about this a lot, that empathy doesn’t mean you agree or even condone behavior or the decision. It just means that you are there for someone, you are factoring in their point of view, you’re thinking about, you’re intentional about how you communicate something that they may not want to hear.

And you’re leaving space to say, okay, we both are approaching this challenge from different perspectives. How can we get the best out of both of our approaches in order to come up with a solution that moves everybody forward?

Rae:

Right. And you know, sometimes the opposite is a better way people for people to understand the definition of something. And so I don’t know, I don’t, if you remember, Brené Brown’s empathy short from about 10 years ago, it just sticks in my mind because, you know, she talks about empathy doesn’t start with at least doesn’t start with chin up, doesn’t start with get, get it together or get over it. 

Those are not empathetic statements. I think at one point in it, she talked about, want a sandwich?

And, or at least you’re able to have children. And, and I think so many high achievers in society and that’s at leader. I mean, that’s at all levels, but they want to fix everything they want to, they want to come in and fix it. And so it’s our human nature to, when somebody shares a problem, it’s we want to help fix. 

The best way to promote empathy is just to listen and sit next or sit with somebody.

Maria:

Absolutely. There’s a great thing I quoted in my new book about this idea of when you as a leader are faced with an employee coming into your office and upset or frustrated or angry. And if they start venting, what you can do instead of, like you said, instantly fixing or instantly diving into what I call empathy hijacking, which is, I know the same exact thing happened to me and here’s how I dealt with it. And all of sudden the story’s about me, right? 

Is to actually ask the person, I want to hear you out. I want to listen. 

So A, is it not a good time for you? Then make some time to schedule. Say, this is really important to me, but I have to rush off to a meeting. Let’s schedule some time tomorrow to talk about this because I really want to hear what you have to say. 

The other thing is to say, do you want me to just see it? Do you want me to support you? Or do you want me to solve it? What is it actually you’re after? 

And instead of trying to guess, ask the employee, you know, maybe they just want to vent. They just want to be seen. It’s like, okay, bring it on. Like I will be your punching bag for a little bit so you can vent it. 

Or is it, no, yeah, I actually need you to collaborate with me and help me solve this. And that can get us out of the instant fixing mode, I think.

Rae:

Like you said, the empathy hijacking or our tendency to over kind of overuse empathy, right?

Maria:

Mm-hmm. Yes, yes. 

Overuse it. I love it. 

And I think that’s also an element of control, you know, and also especially for us as leaders. We don’t want our people to have problems or challenges and our instinct, which is lovely, is that we want to fix it for them and we want to make them quote unquote happy. But making someone happy is not the same thing as being empathetic. You might have to be empathetic with someone who’s not happy right now and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Rae:

Right. Right. That is absolutely true.

Maria:

Right. So let’s talk about accountability because this is the thing that I get a lot. It’s the subject of my new book, The Empathy Dilemma. How do you balance empathy and accountability? And I found it really interesting that accountability was a big theme in this year’s report, in this study. So can you explain why? In what context?

Rae:

Well, and first of all, shameless plug because I think your new book comes out next week. So I’m not sure when we’re broadcasting this, but listeners should stay on the lookout because you’ve got very good actionable information in the empathy dilemma. 

But, you know, I can, take this back to a conversation I had with our CFO shortly after he started. He’s like, right. I get this empathy thing. I really do. I’ll tell you for a CFO, he is a very empathetic person, but he’s like, how do we draw the line between empathy and accountability? 

And I think that there’s organizations that over-index on empathy, and they could be kind of called a daycare. And they maximize the comfort of the employee and the relaxed pace. But are the true performers happy in that? No, they look over their shoulder and say, why do I keep working so hard? 

So then the opposite of it is, when they over-index on accountability. And then the culture is more of fear and focus on production. And again, that’s not how you’re going to maximize your organization. 

And I think it goes back to a couple of the words that you used. And it’s really about how do you have a shared sense of mission? How do you have mutual trust? Because to build that accountability, to build that combination of empathy and accountability, the foundation is trust. Having trust in the relationship between employees and their leaders.

Maria:

Yeah. Yeah, and it’s not something you can just, mean, with whatever your good intention, if there are issues with the culture, if there are issues with the environment and the psychological safety, no pronouncement of the next day coming in and going, we’re going to lead with empathy now, and I’m going to be an empathetic leader. No one’s going to buy it. And so you really have to repair these underlying structural issues.

And really understand that it’s not just about this one thing or this one interaction. It might be more systemic than that. And it’s gonna take time and it’s gonna take time to build up that trust, especially in an environment where it hasn’t been there before. Because people are gonna be very, very skeptical. But if you’re open and transparent and vulnerable, and vulnerable doesn’t mean weak. 

Rae:

No, it does not.

Maria:

It means that you are just open about, we’re trying to figure this out too, and I’m trying to be a better leader and we’re trying to create a stronger culture here. And we’re not gonna fix it today. We’re gonna fix it over time and we’re gonna fix it together. 

And so here’s some practices we’re gonna start with and they’re gonna feel weird and it’s gonna be strange and we’re just gonna live in the discomfort because where it will take us is such a more inclusive, productive, innovative workplace. 

And I think the more that leaders can just admit that they want to go on this journey instead of pretending that no one knows they haven’t been on this journey yet, the better off they’re going to be in the long run. And it’s not going to be a weakness.

Rae:

You know, Maria, you me think about when I meet with new hires, they all read a book by John C. Miller called Question Behind the Question about personal accountability. And I always tell them my favorite chapter is chapter 24, believe or leave. And it’s called an integrity test. 

And what I tell people is, you know what, if you want to find problems in our organization, you will. And it’s that moment of truth when you say, I believe in this organization and I know that they’re a learning company and they want to continue to improve, and you buy in, but those that say, found this problem, I found this… You have a choice to make and you can believe or leave. 

Because if you want to find problems, you will. And just starting out their career and understanding, that is the kind of the belief in our organization, I think is part of that vulnerability doesn’t mean, like you said, incompetence.

Maria:

Exactly. Exactly. 

It just means you’re vulnerable about what you’re good at and you’re vulnerable about where there might be blind spots or gaps and we’re honest about it. And that honesty is what’s going to build the trust. I’m going to trust you a lot more as a leader if you tell me, you know what, we’re not perfect. Then if you try to convince me we’re perfect and everything’s running to maximum capacity, I’m going to be a little bit skeptical of that. 

So the key to trust is just to be honest about what’s happening. So I love that. 

Another way that you can really put empathy into action, and I’ve talked about this a lot in my keynotes and my trainings and on my podcast, is this concept of one of the, maybe it’s not a low hanging fruit because it’s very hard to implement new benefits, but there are benefits and perks that employees actually deem empathetic. 

So if you are, as an organization, focused on trying to deliver these benefits to your people, they’re actually going to start to believe that the organization sees, hears, and values them and that it is an empathetic organization. 

So can you talk to us about, from the study, what are some of the top perceived benefits of empathy? What do they get from it? And also, not just how they feel, but what are some actual benefits? I’m using the word benefits in two different ways here. What are some actual employee benefits they get that they deem to be empathetic?

Rae:

Yeah, yeah. It is funny about the definition of benefits because it’s always in the eye of the beholder. 

So back to using empathy, we need to have to think about the perspective of people asking questions. 

But an employer can receive benefits of having an empathetic workplace by having improved job satisfaction, having more satisfied employees, and their clients because if you have satisfied and happy employees, they’re going to deliver better for your clients because we’re in business. We’re in business to serve our customers. 

And benefits for the employee can be a feeling that they’ve been heard. They can feel that they follow across. We have really kind of three main pillars that we break the benefits down into, and that is employees that we support, the professional, realizing that each professional is different. We are not a one size fits all, we’re going to, know, employees or not, and they have different needs and different definitions of benefits where they are in their life cycle. So flexibility was mentioned over and over and over again about.

Maria:

[Flexibility was mentioned] so much in this report. couldn’t believe, I mean, I know it’s kind of an outcrop of the pandemic, but it’s amazing how just a flexible work schedule is seen by employees as an empathetic work benefit.

Rae:

Right, right. And I think the things I struggle with, know, what I do, I’ll preface this. I do feel for organizations that they do need people that have to be present. It’s difficult to have a flexible nursing staff that can come and go as they want, right? Or if I’m on a line manufacturing a product, you can’t say, well, you can come on and off the line because they have, you know, that’s key. So.

Maria:

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. They can’t work from home. Yeah.

Rae:

I do understand in those environments, we really need to think about empathy in those environments where work schedule flexibility, ad hoc flexibility is not as achievable. But I do believe there’s still ways to have flexibility in those workplaces. 

But for those organizations that are delivering a service or people do not need to be at their desk in an office or behind a line, what is wrong with letting somebody have a few minutes here and a few minutes there, if they need to go run and take the kids. 

They bring their whole selves to work. We, you know, there’s the whole talk about bringing your whole selves to work. If you’re bringing your whole selves and you have to acknowledge that they have lives outside of work and let’s treat them like adults, deal with the outliers, right? Let’s, let’s, you know, there will be some people that have something going on in their life that makes them not perform consistently at that point in time. Deal with that. 

But give the others the flexibility. And my guess, if you give them the flexibility, you’ll get more in return.

Maria:

100% because then they’re going to feel, they get me, they have my back. I don’t want to let them down. 

And yes, like you said, there’s going to be people, there will be people that will take advantage of the system. That’s true anywhere, any place, anytime. But if you build your culture to, like you said, the outliers, you’re going to make your top performers miserable and they’re going to go work for your competitors. 

So, where can you find the opportunities to infuse the flexibility and ask your employees what they think is flexible in the context of, you know, what is flexible? It could be, I get a few more paid sick days. It could be, you know, hey, I’m at the office, I, you know, on Mondays and Tuesdays, I have to leave at four because of my kids, whatever, you know, gymnastics class or whatever it is. 

Give them those opportunities to tell you what they believe are flexible and then implement that and then watch how their performance and loyalty and engagement goes up.

So, I love it. Okay. So let’s talk about the three pillars, because we talked about that in our first part of the series. Let’s refresh on what the three pillars the research identified in terms of supporting employees. What are those three pillars? And then we’ll dive into each of them.

Rae:

Sure. Sure.

Yeah, I started to mention one of them. 

So supporting the professional, kind of like what I said, appreciate that that one size fits all and what’s fair to one person may not be or desired to one person may not be the same to another person. And I think that’s where leaders need to have what we call table stakes in our organization and having an understanding of these are the things that are expected of you every day. You can still have flexibility, but like for one thing, we’re a cameras-on organization. It’s not a negotiable thing to not have your camera on. It’s part of our benefit of being able to continue to be a remote workforce is that we say to be part of remote workforce, you need to be engaged and you need to be a cameras on, right? 

So establishing those table stakes in that employee-employer relationship can go a long way to supporting what I’d call the professional.

Number two is supporting the whole person, kind of like I alluded to earlier. You know, there’s the whole concept of bringing yourself to work, your whole self to work, belonging and inclusion. And what we as an employer need to understand is we need to give people the space that they can bring their whole person to work. And, you know, again, that’s just part of that empathetic conversation. 

Part of our study showed employees like to be known as people. They want to know about, many want to share about what’s going on in their lives outside and it’s okay to listen. Right. 

And then the third thing is, you know, supporting their community. You know, I put the phrase down that altruism is, is alive and well, you know, people want to feel a part of something bigger and, know, give employees a chance to showcase, their talents and give employees the opportunity to showcase, you know, their, backgrounds, their histories and you know, having it’s very free to do a it’s easy for an employer to say, Hey, let’s do a Latino cooking show to share with employees. Let’s do let’s let’s talk to new moms and let new moms have an have an environment. 

It’s, again, allowing them to coexist with life and work.

Maria:

Exactly. And integrate that, not balance it, because work-life balance is a myth, as we both know. 

Yeah, I just I want to bring up something on that because this is such an important point. I’ve made, I talked about some of these tactics and strategies in my new book that just identically aligns with what your research found. 

And this is why Businessolver’s thought leadership is something I go to over and over and over again with my own work. 

But there’s a way that you can do team building and bonding that actually benefits not just the professional development of your people, but the community at large. So you sort of get like a double win. They’re developing a professional skill. They’re actually a triple win. They’re bonding as a team, but they’re also benefiting the community in some way. 

And there’s a woman named Terri Schmidt who runs a company called Stronger to Serve, and she helps businesses create team building experiences that go beyond just, we’re all getting together for happy hour. Can you create a team building experience that builds professional skills, which is beneficial to the organization and helps your people give back to their community? 

So they’ve created these really unique experiences you can choose from that actually teach a skill and then you apply the skill through a community project. So it’s just this wonderful way. And to your point, it’s kind of supporting the whole person.

It’s supporting the professional from a development standpoint and it’s supporting the community. So I love it’s like a triple threat.

Rae:

Well, it’s interesting you say that this year for our Foundation we did just that. 

And this morning in our What’s Going On Show, we had a woman that runs a nonprofit in Louisville come and share what it meant to have a Businessolver team come and help support her operation. 

So we did six, we did six, or we’re doing six week long volunteer events in different cities across the country. And employees are given the week off. But then, you know, we believe that it’s about giving back in attitude and actions. So part of supporting the community, we’re doing these different events and Solvers applied and then they come back and I mean, it’s the emails that I get back from people about what they’ve learned and how they’re going to continue to give back is just so heartwarming. 

So it sounds like something very similar, but it’s just been a fantastic experience. And sure there’s an expense on our side, but the expense is minor to what we’re able to do in the communities and the experiences that employees are able to get.

Maria:

Right. Well, look at all the benefit you get. I mean, you build brand awareness, you build community connections, you build, you know, it’s just, it goes on and on and on. 

Yeah. Okay. So as we kind of wrap up here, what is, what would you say is a key takeaway from the report in terms of not just concept, but an action, a game plan action that your viewers and our listeners can take?

Rae:

You know, this is going to sound very simple Maria, but go read your book. No, kidding! 

Maria:

Why thank you!

Rae:

Because I think you’re going to hit on some really good things. you know, the biggest thing is I’ll say two positives. Again, we’ve have the most awareness of the impact of empathy. And I am a firm believer. The awareness of something is the place to start to make a change. And I think it’s even down to, we think about Jelly Roll in his ‘I’m not okay’ song that, you know, is garnering a lot of attention. and, and I think we are just at a, really pivotal time to embrace empathy, embrace, you know, as, as, Brene says, embrace the suck a little bit and, and, and, and take a step back and just say, how can we number one, just listen.

Maria:

Yeah, first place to start is to put your own ego aside and just listen for a while. 

Love it, so much great stuff. 

Well, this has been so insightful and so fun as always to talk to you about all these issues. Thank you for having me as a guest host. I really appreciate it. And thank you everyone for stopping by the Benefits Pulse. Stay in touch by signing up for email or following Businessolver on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram to get the latest episode information. 

So all of the links, we’re have all the links in the show notes, right? And on businesssolver.com slash benefits dash pulse. Have a great day and remember to check out more episodes of the Benefits Pulse.

Rae:

Thanks Maria.

Maria:

Thanks.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Michelle Hoover: Understanding First-Generation Professionals in Your Workplace

Hispanic. Women. Gay. Transgender. Neurodiverse. Black. All of these identities make up the rich mosaic of our workplaces. We know the data shows that diverse experiences drive better business decisions to identify unseen risks or opportunities, but have you considered this next group we talk about today – First Generation Professionals? This is a group that studies show exhibits a strong percentage of loyalty, motivation, and desire to pursue management positions. They should definitely be considered when looking at your talent pipeline.

My guest today is Michelle Hoover. We talk about who FGPs are and why investing in them is a win for your company. Michelle shares a little about what makes them tick (especially given her own identity as an FGP) and why understanding this will help you practice empathy if you misunderstand certain behaviors. We discuss the difference between experience and identity, what holds FGPs back, how to practice conscious curiosity, and, specifically, what you can do to harness their potential to help your organization succeed. You will leave appreciating the power of acknowledging diverse groups in your organization through mentoring and ERGs, instead of seeing such diversity as a burden.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Confronting your fears is a great way to grow, evolve, transform, and gain confidence.
  • Especially with first-generation professionals, their background, family, and upbringing influence them in the business world. That’s something important we need to recognize in terms of being empathetic in the workplace.
  • 81% of first-generation college students cite financial stability as their reason for pursuing a college degree. They are motivated to achieve some level of financial success and stability.
  • Many FGPs don’t know how to play the corporate games for promotion, they were never taught. Without empathy to see their side, leaders may see it as a lack of drive, proactivity, and initiative when that is far from the truth. 

This is your leadership pipeline, and this helps with more early career retention strategies.

—  Michelle Hoover

From Our Partner:

Download the 2024 Ninth Annual State of Workplace Empathy study from Businessolver: www.businessolver.com/edge 

Discover more valuable content from Businessolver on The Benefits Pulse vodcast: www.businessolver.com/benefits-pulse 

About Michelle Hoover, Principal, Baem Leadership

Michelle Hoover is a leadership development strategist, advisor, and executive coach. A trusted thought partner to CEOs and business leaders, she has designed, delivered, and facilitated talent-development programs for more than 15,000 learners across five continents in her 19 years in leadership development. 

Michelle is the founder of Baem Leadership, a strategic consultancy that advises global corporations, mid-stage startups, and purpose-driven organizations on empowering and emboldening their leaders — especially First-Generation Professionals — to lead themselves and their teams more effectively.

Connect with Michelle Hoover:  

Baem Leadership: https://www.baemleadership.com/ 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/myhoover/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/baemleadership/ 

Newsletter: https://baemleadership.substack.com/ 

Connect with Maria: 

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

X: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Maria, welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business, Hispanic, women, gay, transgender, neurodiverse, black, all of these identities make up the rich mosaic of our workplaces. We know the data shows that diverse experiences drive better business decisions to identify unseen risks or opportunities. But have you considered this next group we’re going to talk about today, first generation professionals. This is a group in your workplace that studies show exhibit a strong percentage of more loyalty, motivation and desire to pursue management positions. They should definitely be considered when looking at your leadership pipeline. My guest today is Michelle Hoover, principal of bem leadership. She’s a leadership development strategist, advisor and executive coach, a trusted thought partner to CEOs and business leaders. She has designed, delivered and facilitated talent development programs for more than 15,000 leaders across five continents and for 19 years in leadership development. Michelle is the founder of bem leadership, a strategic consultancy that advises global corporations, mid stage startups and purpose driven organizations on empowering and emboldening their leaders, especially first generation professionals, to lead themselves and their teams more effectively. We talked today about who fgps are and why investing in them is a win for your company. Michelle shares a little bit of it about what makes them tick, especially given her own identity as an FGP and why understanding this will help you practice empathy if you misunderstand certain behaviors, we discuss the difference between experience and identity, what holds fgps back, how to practice conscious curiosity, and specifically what you can do to harness their potential to help your organization succeed, you’ll leave appreciating the power of acknowledging diverse groups in your organization, your mentoring and ERGs, instead of seeing such diversity as a burden. Take a listen. Welcome Michelle Hoover to the empathy edge podcast to tell us all about first generation professionals and how to harness their talent and experiences for success. Welcome to the empathy edge.

Michelle Hoover  03:07

Thank you, Maria, great to be here with you,

Maria Ross  03:10

and I’m so excited to talk to you, because you are mentioned in my new book The Empathy dilemma, how successful leaders balance performance people and personal boundaries, specifically around this vector of diversity that is a new one. It was new when I came across you and your work, this idea of first generation professionals in the mosaic that is, you know, diversity, whether it’s gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, sexual identity, disability, neurodiversity. So I’m excited to get into this conversation with you, but before we begin, as I do with all my guests, I want to hear a little bit about your story and how you got into leadership empowerment, and specifically to this topic of first generation professionals. Sure,

Michelle Hoover  03:55

this is a very personal endeavor that I think can have more impact beyond just me and my circle and the people that I talk to every day. So I’m a first generation American. I am the first member of my family, born in the United States. My family emigrated from South Korea after the ravages of the war and ended up in Patel, Pennsylvania, which is a coal mining town and is known for being home to America’s oldest brewery. So very, very working class ethos, and that’s what I grew up with, and that, combined with my my Korean heritage, my DNA as a Korean person, and my experience as somebody who was from an immigrant family led to a set of decisions that miraculously got me to where I am today. So decision number one major in journalism instead of English. And before that, I was a before I got to college, I was a really committed student journalist. While in high school, I was on every publication and was and was fortunate enough to be part of a program that was nationally recognized. And as such, we were asked to teach at the Pennsylvania Association of, you know, student journalists, or whatever it’s called, and CSPA Columbia Scholastic Press Association. And that led to me assuming the role of facilitator and subject matter expert at age, you know, 15 through 17, and realizing that, okay, like I, I know how to deliver content, I know how to engage an audience, and not that I explicitly understood that, but I liked how it felt, and I liked, you know, that I was, I felt like I was making a difference. So the reason why majoring in journalism and not English was is, is, is really, really important in this FGP story, is because first generation professionals often major in things or pursue paths that lead to actual careers, accountancy, engineering, journalism, medicine. There’s no way, exactly, there’s no way I could tell my parents I’m going to major in English and become a creative writer, right? Like there’s no way I can do that, so I majored in journalism. Did well. Was a working journalist from 17 to 27 had my had several newspaper internships from age 20 onward, and ended up at the Philadelphia grower, which was, at the time, the first, the fourth largest media market in the in the country, which is, you know, pretty great for somebody like me who comes from limited resources and had limited guidance, which is all very typical of a first generation professional. Was there for four years, spent the last two years on the sports desk, which was a surprise, of all surprises, they they needed some additional talent over there, and decided that I would be the person to do it. And critical decision number two was that I decided to lead journalism and pursue a master’s master’s degree, and I didn’t know exactly what, but I knew that I wasn’t going to be a journalist for the rest of my life, and because there was something about the newsroom dynamic that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, that I didn’t, you know, I it didn’t really align with what I now know, our values, but, you know, it didn’t like feel great to me as a 23 year old person. So I decided that I would pursue a master’s degree in education with the belief that I was going to influence how journalists were trained. So the goal at the time was to be an administrator in the School of Communications. But then I get to graduate school, and I get exposed to all this stuff, organizational behavior, leadership, theory, culture is the thing to be studied. And I’m like, Oh, this is actually what I want to do, which leads to critical decision number three, which is to join Duke corporate education, which is, is a small, basically, consulting firm that is a spin off of Duke University. And at the time, it was number one as ranked by business League and ft in providing customized executive education. They’re still doing pretty well in that regard, and that’s where I learned how to do this work, leadership development, management development, I’ve been doing it for about 20 years, and led to connections and relationships and just this amazing network of people that continue to teach me, inspire me, encourage me, and support me in everything that I do. Yeah, yeah.

Maria Ross  08:52

And you know, and you and you’ve been an expert in this field for a long time. I really want you to share with our audience the story of the name of your company that you just shared with me before we started recording, because I think it’s really interesting why you decided to call your company bem

Michelle Hoover  09:08

Sure. So the name of my company is Ben leadership. It’s spelled B, A, E, N, and Ben is the Korean word for snake. There are two key reasons why I need my company, then leadership. Number one is, I was born in 1977 and that is the year of the snake, and my grandmother was very clear about what this would mean for me. You’re You’re a snake, therefore you are not. Let’s see if you become but no, you’re a snake, therefore you are bright, you are crafty, you can solve problems, you can, you know, you can just be really, really thoughtful. So these are traits that I believe I developed or inhabited, depending on which way you look at it. And. Are really aspirational for me, and therefore they are aspirational my clients as well, not because I want them to be like me, but because I think that they’re great overall qualities, the positive attributes of this symbol. The second is that I was once terrified of snakes, so I was a New Yorker for 17 years. And if you walk through Central Park, there’s a particular underpass that you go through, and on certain days, you will run into a guide there with a huge boa constrictor or a Python. I don’t know the differences, huge. It’s like more than, like, 12 feet long, and it’s huge. And I would see that guy, and I would just 180 and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I was that afraid of snakes. I couldn’t see snakes on TV. It was like almost a phobia. And so you’re asking, like, Okay, you would obviously do not have affection for these creatures. Why would you name your company after them? And it’s because it’s, I don’t know if it’s proven scientifically, but I think we could just all agree that confronting your fears are a great way to grow and evolve and transform and gain confidence. And I can say that after running into that guy after 17 years, and you know, each time walking a little bit closer, I don’t have to run as fast as I can. You know? The other way I’m more comfortable with that. So if we, if I like to think of that metaphor or that example as an example of how we grow as a result of confronting our fears. And every day, I wake up and I am reminded to confront I love it. I’m afraid of I

Maria Ross  11:40

love it. I love it. So let’s dive in. Because, I mean, obviously, let’s define what first generation professionals means. And I just want to make a point that it’s very clear that with first generation professionals, their background and their family and their upbringing influence them in the business world. Clearly, like your family’s heritage and beliefs influenced what you called your company. So I think that’s something important that we really need to recognize in terms of being empathetic with these folks in the workplace. But first, tell us who they are and what are companies missing missing when they don’t factor them in as an audience in terms of diversity and inclusion and belonging. First

Michelle Hoover  12:23

generation professionals are the people who are the first in their families to get a college degree and or obtain a professional position, a managerial position, a leadership position, a professional position in general that is high at a higher level than what their parents were able to accomplish. So this could be the Caucasian man who is they a son of a Chicago firefighter whose mother was an administrative assistant, or it could be somebody like me who is the first in their family to be born in this country and of the first generation to go to college. It could be a newer immigrant to this country whose family is just, you know, putting their feet down here. And it can be somebody who comes from a long line of, you know, public city workers, you know, and just blue collar all the way, but is is inspired for something different in the white collar work world, for themselves, the potential. So

Maria Ross  13:26

that’s really interesting to me, because I think in my mind, I was always thinking first generation professionals, was in terms of being in this country. But what I hear you saying is that it could be anyone, that it’s their first generation, that they’re going to college, or perhaps pursuing a different career or pursuing knowledge work versus the trades, for example. So is that is, Am I hearing that right?

Michelle Hoover  13:47

That’s exactly right. We often ascribe the first generation label to college. So how long has have has your family been in college, essentially, and how long have you been in this country? And there are certainly reasons why we why we do that. And it doesn’t, you know, it makes you think for a second as to how first generation actually applies in the white collar world.

Maria Ross  14:13

Mm, hmm, yeah. And it’s really interesting, because my grandparents immigrated from Italy all four and my, I think I was one of the first I had female cousins on my dad’s side that did go to college, but we were the first generation that did of women that went to college in our families. And it was a thing like, you know, it was, it was a thing in terms of, like, expectation and responsibility and gratitude and all of those things so so tell us a little bit about that, like, what is the mindset of many of these first generation professionals in terms of that responsibility or privilege that they now have vis a vis their family?

Michelle Hoover  14:55

It’s such a great question, and one that would take me probably three days and not. Stops in three minutes, right? I’ll do my best. So I, as I mentioned in my my intro, well, I’ll just back up and say that 81% of first generation college students cite financial stability as their reason for pursuing a college degree. So number one is that they are motivated to achieve, you know, some level of financial success and stability, which when you come from a blue collar background, or when you’re just starting out in this country, that is that that’s the dream. The problem exactly, exactly. So when you are so focused, imagine if you just, you know, substitute, or just use survival as a substitute for stability, right, right. What does that? How does that prompt your decision making? How does that make you think about what choices you actually have and what you may be privy to or what risks you will meet if you do not achieve survival, right? So your choices. I majored in journalism because I was going to write for a newspaper. I was not going to major in creative writing or English so that I could find myself and explore. You know who I am through pros, a lot of first generation college students, and because we are talking about first generation professionals, but there is very little data on first generation professionals, which is why I’m talking about first generation college students. And from there we can make inferences, but if we think about a significant population of first generation professionals are are people who have dependents and who are supporting multi generation households. About 8% of first generation college students have veteran status. They are usually older. They’re they’re 30 and above, versus, you know, the typical age 18 to 21 so you think about where they are in life and what kind of responsibilities they have had, and therefore how their choices feel like they are actually a subset of the larger choices that one actually has available to them, but relative to their life and their slate of responsibilities, this is what’s imposing them. And if we’re talking about, you know, the thing that rules all first generation professionals is this belief that if you will work hard and keep your nose clean, everything will be okay. And frankly, I heard that a ton, because that’s the best same that’s the best advice that my family could offer me. And it’s not wholly untrue. It’s just incomplete, right? We need more than to work hard. We need more than to or we need to aspire for more than just right, for it to be okay, right? So, right

Maria Ross  18:02

first, not to mention all the interpersonal skills and things you learn around mentoring and networking and communication and all of that, which are equally important. I mean, I remember in college, I got an internship at my brother’s company, which meant I wasn’t going to come home for the summer. I was going to go live with my brother in Chicago, and I remember my mom being upset about that, that I wasn’t coming home, and I was trying to explain to her, my grades aren’t enough, like I have to have other things to make me attractive to recruit recruiters when they come. And she understood that in in theory, she understood that intellectually, but it was still the pull of family that was more important for her. Of like, Oh, you’re rejecting us by not coming home for the summer, when I was looking at it as I’m just trying to make this investment that I’m making worth it in the end. And I right at the time, I didn’t realize all those nuances. I just thought she was being really, you know, overbearing, but, but it’s true, it’s it’s those nuances of of those softer skills, and I hate calling them soft skills, because they have real ROI but that you don’t get from a generation of people that didn’t go to college and didn’t play in that world,

Michelle Hoover  19:15

right, right? And what you were doing, Maria was, you know, strengthening the areas that fgps often have a hard time addressing because of their background. So the things that hold fgps back are a lack of established networks and networking skills, a lack of mentors and people who they can consult who have walked the road before them, and a lack of preparation, professional preparation, so they did not pursue internships, or they weren’t able to study abroad because resources are limited, or, you know, family expectations, you know. Made it really, really hard for them. So this is, this was probably unfortunate for you to experience, but super common,

Maria Ross  20:07

super common. Yeah, and like I said, we had it a little bit better. I had three older brothers that all went to college, and they were able to sort of lobby for me at that point to help my parents understand. But not everybody has that in their family, especially if they’re maybe the oldest child, and this is completely new to their parents, right? My dad went to night school for 11 years as an adult to get his college degree while he had young children at home, so his experience was completely different in terms of but you’re making me think of the story of this woman that I was in business school with, because I graduated with a business degree from Indiana University, and part of the business school there the big weed out semester was called a core and you had to do a project that integrated three of the business courses where it was like 75% of your grade was based on this group project. And we had a woman on our project team, who was of South Asian, Indian descent, and I remember her so vividly because she was actually, she was brilliant, but the only reason she was studying business was because her father wanted her to take over their family’s business. She was a first generation in college. Her

Michelle Hoover  21:19

heart was in medicine, but it was like, and

Maria Ross  21:22

I remember going, why don’t you just tell your parents you want to go into medicine? And it was like, that’s not she was like, that’s not even an option. Like, and I didn’t understand back then what, what that, what the pressure she was under was, and I always felt so bad for her, because she really, really had a love and a passion for medicine, but she’s like, No, I need to graduate with a business degree.

Michelle Hoover  21:43

Well, we can hope that she, you know,

Maria Ross  21:46

maybe she became a doctor. Yes, yes,

Michelle Hoover  21:49

but it’s, it’s really common. I mean, our our our communities, our families, our support systems, when we’re fgps and God love them. I mean, they’re working with the best they have, right? Or the best they’re doing the best they can with what they know, right? And, and it’s limiting, right? Yeah, so yes.

Maria Ross  22:10

And they’re so influential, like, exactly, there’s many people who can’t understand that influence and that pull, but so, so that’s some of the things that are maybe holding them back. But why is investing and recognizing fgps good for a business and good for for a C suite leader, for example?

Michelle Hoover  22:30

What can they contribute? Yeah. So Boston Consulting Group, in April of 2023 they came out with some data, which is the first that I have seen the topic of first generation professionals, and they have found that first generation professionals are 32% more likely to be loyal to their employers, 40% more likely to be more intrinsically motivated, and 48% likelier to pursue management positions that they find in later stages of their career if they’re intrinsically motivated. Now how this translates to me as somebody who does leadership and consults with companies for a living is this is your leadership pipeline, and this helps with more early career retention strategies. So number one, if we look in house at our peers and the people who are already within our walls, and we apply the FGP lens, and before we judge them in air quotes for perhaps not ascending to a managerial or leadership level that we believe that they are capable of. But you know, don’t see the whatever the political capital, the the you know what companies can like, really broadly, call like discretionary effort, or

Maria Ross  23:46

like they’re not, they’re not playing the game the way some people are actually taught to play the game,

Michelle Hoover  23:52

exactly. Yeah, exactly. And it’s my hypothesis that they don’t know that there’s a game to play, or you don’t understand the criticality of the game, because our parents have just told us, if you work hard and keep your nose clean, you will be seen, and therefore you will be promoted, right? So it’s this clashing of worlds, right? You are behaving in accordance with what you have been taught, even though you’re in this new environment that has this completely different code of conduct and

Maria Ross  24:22

expectations well, and a leader may misunderstand that to be, oh, they don’t have drive, or they don’t have an initiative. They’re not proactive, right, where they’re just doing really solid work, because that’s what they think is the

Michelle Hoover  24:35

proactivity Exactly, exactly. And for the early career FGP, who doesn’t show up at the at the happy hour? Number one, they don’t know what to say, or, you know why they need to go, or they need to go home and take care of grandma or an aunt, or, you know, or there’s there, there are any number of reasons why. Some. He wouldn’t go to something outside of, you know, company mandated hours, right? But they don’t know the FGP doesn’t know that that that’s important count? Yeah, yes, a lot. And the F the discretionary effort that one puts in there counts, right? So if we can refrain from jumping to assumptions, and, you know, exercising empathy in that way, right? What don’t I know about the situation? What might not this person be doing? You know, what is what what I expect? Do they know what is expected? And can we understand what it’s like to be the first in your world to exist? And try to be productive in this environment in a way that that can facilitate their upward social mobility.

Maria Ross  25:50

Okay, so so many questions are like popping in my brain right now. So number one is, I want to put a pin in this before I forget. And so you’ll remind me is I want to talk about the importance of of reaching out to be a mentor to these folks, right? But before that, I want to say, How can a leader recognize that someone is a first generation professional, unless that person asks, unless that person volunteers that information, what are some ways that they they make it known. Would it be something that they try to hide? Is there a is there a polite and non aggressive way to inquire if someone is a first generation professional? What would you advise leaders or managers on trying to trying to surface these folks so they know and they can support them better,

Michelle Hoover  26:38

right? So while the first generation professional identity is an identity, and we can be straightforward and ask, Are you the first to do this there? You know, the way to get to know whether somebody is an FGP is not different from understanding or trying to understand them as individuals, as you know, as colleagues, and as people you just generally want to get to know. So how was your weekend? Oh, it was, it was my, my niece’s quinceanera. Oh, awesome. You know, I’ve never been to a quinceanera. Tell me about that. Okay? And, you know, and then it goes from there the line of conversation. So it’s not something that, you know, it’s not like you’re trying to whack a pinata and get, like, all the candy at one go, right? Yeah. You learn this as you develop a relationship and you get to know somebody. But you know, if companies are interested in this, I am of the mind that this is something like, this is something that, because it’s so new, as a first step, I would advise the companies to have people self identify as such. And I would love to see more ERGs. I

Maria Ross  27:51

was just gonna say, like, create an erg where people can get magnetized to again, you know, see if there’s someone you already know is an FGP to lead that and to encourage others to sort of come out of the shadows. And I would, I would assume that the flip side of that is to make assumptions about someone based on their ethnicity, that they are the the first person in the professional world, or to to go to college. We don’t want to go. We don’t want to err on the other side either.

Michelle Hoover  28:19

Right, right? Right? Well, I think that’s, that’s a really important point in that, you know, we think about someone’s landing in the white collar world as like this equalized, you know, set of like conditions that we’re all experiencing the same way, right? And that’s just not true. So it’s, it’s maybe, if, if we think just and give and give thought for a second to the idea, and it’s just expressing it to be a different way, the way that I walk the world, or the way that I walk these halls, is different from Maria or and is different from Joe, and is different from, you know, how is that right? It’s we. It’s just making less assumptions that we’re all in the same boat, right? It’s, it’s, I think it could be as simple as that, yeah. I

Maria Ross  29:08

mean, I think that’s where you know the constant drumming, beating is around conversation and asking people and getting to know them. And as a leader, get to know your people on a personal basis as much as they’re comfortable, right? But we don’t have to be all business all the time. We can ask about our weekends. We can ask about our families. You know, if you, if you step into a landmine for someone, you’ll know that, and then you can sort of back away a little bit, but it’s just, it’s just connecting as human beings and having those conversations. And I often say that the goal of empathy is not conversion, it’s connection. And so it’s not about it’s not about trying to interrogate someone. But you know, asking questions and being curious about someone’s background or family life or expertise is is a good thing. I know, I know some of us are. So I. Scared to do that with everything we’re hearing in the workplace about people’s different experiences, and we don’t want to offend someone, and we don’t want to, like, trigger someone. We don’t want to trigger someone who’s been traumatized, but we can have conversations like, just be reasonable about it.

Michelle Hoover  30:14

Yeah. I mean, I I’ve used this, this, this term, conscious curiosity. Yeah, so if you are thoughtful about what you’re asking, and you exhibit thoughtfulness, people will forgive you if you accidentally, you know, say the wrong thing or make the wrong inference, or whatever it is. But, and, you know, I think people, folks who, folks who are inclined to forgive will forgive, and folks who are just will not, right, so they won’t. It’s yeah, yeah. So yeah, I love that company wisely. So, you

Maria Ross  30:52

know, you talk, you mentioned a little bit about this in terms of, like, the the benefits to an organization of loyalty and engagement and motivation. Is there something to be said here because of some of the circumstances in which first generation professionals you mentioned at the top of this, at get into the workforce because of the responsibility or because of trying to support someone else? Is there, I don’t want to say an assumption, but is there a propensity to knowing that these folks have a really strong work ethic because of the circumstances that are bringing them to your organization and to college or to to the circumstance that they’re in now?

Michelle Hoover  31:32

Indeed, and that’s where I think the loyalty comes in, right? So the loyalty manifests as the product of the hard work become that they are generating, because their goal is stability, right? So essentially, if companies could learn to raise the bar for fgps and help them raise their own personal bars and say, we appreciate your work ethic and we see it, and we see what you’re doing, and you are, you know, steady as a freight train here, and we want to raise your game even more, and we’re going to help you, because we see even more for you. Company wins, FGP wins, and a new standard for what these professionals think is possible for them, is elevated. I think that is that could be really game changing,

Maria Ross  32:29

absolutely. And I think, you know, getting back to the little pin I put in, the topic was engaging in in explicit mentoring programs where you are able, and it’s not, it doesn’t seem so directed at someone. You know, if we, if we as a company, can operationalize a mentoring program for everyone, it’s something that you know, an FGP doesn’t feel like just they’re getting mentored as an example, right? But it sounds like that is so much more important for fgps because of these unwritten rules that we were talking about and unwritten

Michelle Hoover  33:04

norms, exactly. And back to that loyalty piece. This is something that I would love to dig into further. The kinship between fgps is really, really something. So I’ll just, you know, share a story. So I ended up getting my Master’s at Harvard. And Harvard was, I think, gosh, it was just totally not on my radar. And I went because my friend said I should apply. And I said, Okay, fine, and I’ll show you. And I got in. And so I graduated from Harvard. I go to Duke. I work there for a year. They send me to New York, and I moved to Manhattan. And I’m like, Okay, well, I’m a Harvard graduate in Manhattan. What do I do? And this is when, like, the concept of FGP, while I had been living it was, like, totally not accessible to me. So I’m like, I’ll go to the Harvard Club. So I go to the Harvard Club, and I am getting a tour, and I just feel so out of place there, like it’s red and there’s all this, like, oak stuff, and there’s guys smoking cigars, and like, there are people coming in and going to squash, and I’m like, I don’t even know how to play squash, and, like, I completely, like, abandoned the idea. And then I’m like, Okay, well, New York City’s gonna look different for me. And then I started making professional acquaintances outside of my work circle, and I realized among us, we all had blue collar backgrounds. And I was like, You’re my people. Like, if I could take you to the Harvard Club, or if, like, we were all members of the Harvard Club, that would be awesome. But it was a different the different kind of connection that you feel with somebody who has walked some version of your path. So this idea, so I think you were talking more broadly, Maria, about. Mentors. I can’t see a more powerful professional connection or or this could be among the most powerful, powerful professional connections when a more experienced FGP is lighting the path for a new

Maria Ross  35:19

Yeah, well, and that’s why you know, for folks listening, expand your definition of your employee resource groups and move beyond gender, ethnicity, create an employee resource group for this, this subculture of people that you know, they may find a fit in one of the other ERGs, but it might be, you know, a suit that’s a little too loose or tight, but if they find the ERG that’s really those folks that like you, I love what you said, someone who’s walked part of the path I’ve walked on, right? That could exponentially improve their performance and their engagement and their motivation and their loyalty, which, as we know, all impacts the bottom line for the

Michelle Hoover  35:58

organization, right? You’re absolutely right. Fg, FGP, focus, ERGs. Cut right to experiences. Yeah, right. So what are the experiences that we have to acquire in order to gain confidence, or, you know, feel like we can ascend, or what are the experiences that have held us back right, identity led fgps or ident or sorry, identity led ERGs. That’s a lot,

Maria Ross  36:28

I know it’s a lot of acronyms, we’re good, we’re good, but identity

Michelle Hoover  36:31

led, or identity in general, is an amalgam of experiences that lead you to an identity. And identity is like a like a label for a set of experiences, or can be such, right? Whereas, when we’re talking about fgps, fgps really like, don’t have their own identity. At this point, we’re trying to create the identity, right? And in the meantime, we are leading fully with explaining the experience of these folks and what they have gone through, and why what they have gone through leads them to being such great performers in the workforce well,

Maria Ross  37:08

and this is where intersectionality comes in, like you can be part of more than one ERG and part of more than one identity. And this isn’t about fracturing everyone into their own individual camps and tribes, like, that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about being able to find a group that understands what I’m going through and can support me in my work, integrating with the larger group. It’s not about keeping everybody separate, and this is the thing that drives me crazy when some companies say, like, well, we don’t want ERGs because it’s just separating everyone and putting them into camps and no, it’s them finding that support, so that when everyone does come together, it’s a little bit more equitable. It’s a little bit more like everyone is playing the same game, everyone is on the same page. That will help augment the relationships between those different identities and those different groups, if that that particular group or identity has a soft place to land when things go wrong, when things are rough, 100% Yeah, percent. Okay. So as we wrap up, what is one thing that you could share about how companies or leaders, what could they be doing better to harness the potential of these fgps within their organization? We’ve talked about one big one, which is start, you know, find someone to help, start an erg. But what are some other ways that they can harness that? That

Michelle Hoover  38:34

potential, the mentoring piece that you mentioned is, is huge. And let me take a step back before we launch any initiatives. Let’s just talk about fgps in general. Let’s there’s a lot of edge. Let’s identify it. Yeah, exactly. Let there’s this. This concept is emerging. So can we take this on as a lens that we want to explore? And let’s really, really understand what that means. And if I think a powerful step that we could take, if we look at senior management in companies that at Fortune 200 companies, now look at your look at your leaders who are of the baby boom generation, plus find out who’s an FGP, and then see if they would be willing to sponsor something, or, you know, just be involved in in the internal initiative to begin exploring how this could play out in this company. And think less from the perspective of think about what problems you need to solve in the company, right? So look at our let’s look at our leadership pipeline. We know that it’s not as diverse as we want it to be. So how can taking an FGP lens work there, right? How might that be a useful lens for that and also, okay, how many employees have you lose within you know, six, 812, months, right? Let’s, let’s look at what’s common there. Or let’s, let’s begin hypothesizing. How could the FGP lens have helped there? So

Maria Ross  40:07

interesting, so interesting. Well, I I’ve really enjoyed this conversation. I love learning about this work and and I just feel like, like I mentioned earlier, this sort of adds to the tapestry, for me, of diversity, and for some people, that’s a scary thing of like, Oh, it’s another group I got to worry about. For me, it’s exciting because it’s just, it’s just enriching the different perspectives that we can bring to the table within our organizations to help us avoid risks and find opportunities. Because we’re not all looking at the same piece of the puzzle in the same way. And, you know, there’s mounds of data talking about how that that that helps impact organizations and their financial success. So if folks want to find out more about you and your work, we’re going to have all your links in the show notes. But where’s you know, for folks that are working out right now, while they’re listening, where’s the best place they can find out more about you and your work?

Michelle Hoover  41:04

I think the best place to find these on LinkedIn. Michelle Hoover and m y Hoover, so linkedin.com, that’s great. M y Hoover,

Maria Ross  41:13

awesome. And as I always tell my guests or my listeners, if you’re going to reach out to Michelle, make sure you write a note and say that you heard her on this podcast so she doesn’t think you’re trying to sell her something. Michelle, thank you so much. I’m so excited to feature you in the book in the empathy dilemma, and more to come for the two of us and possible collaborations in the future. Thanks for being here. Thank you Maria, and thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please share with a friend or colleague, and don’t forget to rate and review and follow until next time. Please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathyedge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place. You.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

September Hot Take: It’s Finally HERE!

“For all the bold leaders embracing a more human-centered approach and performing at the highest levels, your choices impact and influence your colleagues, families, and communities, that’s a win for us all.” This is just a small snippet from the dedication of The Empathy Dilemma which is out today! I am so excited to share this book with all of you who have been with me as listeners to this podcast and during this journey. Listen in to find out how you can get your hands on the book, whether one copy or hundreds of copies, and to find out more about how we can all get this book into the hands of a wider audience and spread the hopeful message of empathy to leaders everywhere. I hope you enjoy the book. I hope it is valuable for you and your team. I hope you implement some of the tactics and let me know how it goes! I’d love to hear from you.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Once you embrace empathy and see another person’s point of view, you can’t unsee it.
  • If your favorite bookstore does not have The Empathy Dilemma, you can ask them to order it! It is widely available now everywhere books are sold. 
  •  To spark a movement of empathy in the workplace and a new paradigm for culture and work, please rate and review the book on Amazon and give an honest review, whether you thought it was just okay or you thought it was amazing – it will help spread the empathy movement further.

This book is for those leaders who want to embrace the new paradigm of leadership, but are struggling a little bit. I wanted to provide you some context, but also actionable strategies and tactics to shore up your foundation so that you can be empathetic with your teams while still expecting high performance, accountability, and results.

—  Maria Ross

From Our Partner:

Download the 2024 Ninth Annual State of Workplace Empathy study from Businessolver: www.businessolver.com/edge 

Discover more valuable content from Businessolver on The Benefits Pulse vodcast: www.businessolver.com/benefits-pulse 

Connect with Maria: 

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

X: @redslice

Facebook: Red SliceThreads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Maria, welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business.

Hi everyone. It’s Maria here, and it is book launch time. Woo hoo. I don’t have like, a party popper for you or anything like, I don’t know what other noise to make to show you that I’m celebrating that the book, the empathy dilemma, how successful leaders balance performance people and personal boundaries, is now available, and I could not be more thankful to so many people who helped make this book a reality. There is I often say there’s one name on the cover, but you have no idea the cadre of people behind what makes a book come to life. So I hope you will check it out. It’s at the empathy dilemma.com or all your favorite places to buy books. If you want to support a local bookstore and they’re not stocking it, they can order it because it is distributed widely through my publisher’s distributor, so they can order it and you can support an indie bookstore at the same time. Or you can even get it@bookshop.com which supports local indie bookstores as well. Or get it at Amazon, if that’s easier for you, just get your hot little hands on it. There is a paperback available, there’s the Kindle version available, and there’s also the audiobook available. So pick your poison, choose the format that works best for you. I wanted to just talk a little bit in this month’s hot take about a reminder of why I wrote this book and why it’s the follow on to the empathy edge, because I think it’s important for you to know the role that you played in making this book come to life. So when I wrote the empathy edge, that was out of a personal desire to make the world more empathetic and to start in the place where we spend the bulk of our time, which is at work, and I came at it initially from my work around branding and marketing and understanding that empathy is the key to successfully connecting and engaging with the right audience. And then I did a lot of research to add to that around leadership and culture, because I talked about the three concentric circles that you must have empathy exist in in order to be an authentic brand in the market. And it was the work around leadership and culture that really enchanted me, and that I was out speaking about doing workshops, doing keynotes, talking at conferences.

All the things were mostly around that I did a few conferences where I talked about how to create an empathetic brand in a digital world. And I still talk about that in some circles, but the bulk of it was meeting with leaders, with HR leaders, with folks in charge of culture or deib or employee engagement or customer engagement, the folks that really fuel, the people that enable innovation and high performance to exist. And it was from talking to them and hearing from them and doing this podcast Since 2020 that I realized the book that that folks needed was this one that I’m launching now, the empathy dilemma. Because the empathy edge was written for the skeptics. It was written to convince people of the business case and the ROI of empathy. And it accomplished that, and it’s it helped spark a movement, especially, which was accelerated by the pandemic. This book is for the converts. This book is for those of you who said, Yes, I want to be a people centered leader, but Maria, here’s the reality, and here’s where it gets hard, and here’s where I’m having a challenge, and here’s where I’m burning out. And so this book is really for those leaders who want to embrace the new paradigm of leadership, but are struggling a little bit. I wanted to provide you some some context, but also some actionable strategies and tactics that you could use to shore up your foundation and enable you to have a full well to draw from so that you can be empathetic with your teams while still expecting high performance, expecting accountability and expecting results. And if anything you’ve learned here is that I am about both and not either or empathy and high performance. Empathy. Life and ambition, empathy and results.

The good news is it can coexist if you have these five pillars of empathetic and effective empathy in place as a leader. So that’s what the book is going to share with you. That’s what we’ve been talking about the last few months. And I really hope you will check it out and enjoy the advice, and I’d love to hear from you. So please, if you read the book, review it online. First of all, that’s a huge help. The magic number of reviews on Amazon, just FYI is 100 if I can get 100 reviews, the book will show up more in search and be shown to people who really need it. So if we really want to spark a movement of empathy in the workplace and a new paradigm for culture and work, please rate and review the book in Amazon and give an honest review, right your your candid review. If you thought it was MEH, write that it was MEH. If you thought it was great, I would love five stars. But whatever it meant to you, please take that time to just write a few sentences, because it means so much in enabling the book to spread farther faster.

So the other thing you can do is tell your friends and colleagues, and you can also purchase the book in bulk for a discount through my bulk distributor, porch light books, and that link is listed on the empathy dilemma.com so if you’re buying about, you know, more than 10 copies, I highly suggest, actually, I think it’s more than 50. I highly suggest you take advantage of the price discounts if you buy in bulk, and then I also offer discounted speaker fees for folks that order in quantities of more than 250 so if you do that, please reach out and contact me. You can DM me on social, red slice Maria at Instagram. You can DM me through LinkedIn, Maria J Ross. You can email me if you like, or fill out my contact form on my site, but please, if you’re going to order a bulk amount, let me know that you have and we’ll work something out. We’ll do something cool for your team to add on to their learning and help them apply the skills and the tips to their everyday work life. So before we wrap up, I wanted to share something special with you around the book, and that is, I wanted to share the dedication with you because, as I mentioned, there’s, there’s a lot of people to thank, and I don’t have time to read all the acknowledgements. I wish I did, but they are in the book and they’re also in the audiobook, because I had to add more people into the audiobook acknowledgments because the book had already gone to press.

So there’s so many people to thank for this book, and most especially you listeners who gave me lots of feedback, lots of things to think about, and enabled me to figure out what questions needed answering. So thank you. But I do want to read to you the dedication of the book for all the bold leaders embracing a more human, centered approach and performing at the highest levels, your choices impact and influence your colleagues, families and communities, that’s a win for us all, and as ever, for Callum, my everyday empathy practice partner, it is about the consistent attempt, not perfection, as you grow up in this beautiful yet often heartbreaking world. My work is dedicated to helping you and so many others understand how to embrace difference and find connection and how much richer your life will be for it my love that’s for my son. He is the one that sparked this whole foray into finding out how empathy can help us be successful. Because I was so frustrated by the models of leadership I was seeing in the world when he was he was younger, and I thought there have to be leaders and brands winning with empathy and not with unethical behavior or hatred or cruelty or greed. And as you all know, I was delighted to find the research and the data proving that empathy can be a strategic advantage and a competitive advantage, and if that’s the reason someone learns to embrace and practice empathy, I don’t care. I really just want them to do it, because once you embrace empathy, once you see another person’s point of view, you can’t unsee it.

So I don’t really care how someone gets to it, even if they get to it through selfish motives, because they will be transformed from the outside in I hope you enjoy the book. I hope it is valuable for you and your team. I hope you implement some of the tactics and let me know how it goes. Reach out to me again on social or my contact form on my website, again. Don’t forget the empathy dilemma.com. Is where you can find all the links to buy the book, or you can request it from your local bookstore, and they can order it. Don’t forget to contact me if you order a large quantity, because we can do something special together. I can video bomb your Zoom meeting, or we can set up a Q and A with your team, or we can even arrange to do a discounted workshop to help your team embrace the principles and practice how to strengthen their empathy, to boost collaboration, performance, innovation and protect their mental health at the same time, thanks everyone for being here and until next time, remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind.

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathyedge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop, and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice. Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Dr. Yosi Amram: How Spiritual Intelligence Makes You a Better Leader

Today, I have a wonderful conversation with Dr. Yosi Amram, author of Spiritually Intelligent Leaders: How to Inspire by Being Inspired. We talk about what spiritual intelligence is and how it compares to emotional intelligence, how it is not limited to a religious doctrine or even a spiritual belief in God, and how it contributes to effective leadership and high-performing teams. We talk about why command and control leadership can work in battle but not so well elsewhere, the first step to develop and deepen your spiritual intelligence, and its role in an AI-powered world. You will love the insights shared and may look at your own leadership style in a whole new way.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • While emotional intelligence and spiritual intelligence are complementary, they are two distinct things.
  • Spiritual intelligence transcends specific religions, spiritual experiences, and spiritual beliefs.
  • Empathy is crucial to build teams no matter the type of leader you are. In battle, you need a certain level of command and control, but when you’re not in battle you need that empathy and connection.
  • Our bodies are energy. Because of that, we are connected to the sun. We are connected to life. We are connected to everything.

Spiritual intelligence becomes more important for us as humans, as more and more of the things about our life and jobs could be mechanized or taken over by AI.

—  Dr. Yosi Amram

Episode References:

Atomic Habits by James Clear

How Leaders Inspire: Cracking the Code by Bain & Company: bain.com/insights/how-leaders-inspire-cracking-the-code

The Empathy Edge episodes:

Amer Kaissi: Humbitious Leadership Equals Success

Susan Hunt Stevens: The ROI of Psychological Safety

Michelle Sherman: Why The Most Successful Leaders Combine Resilience With Imagination

Dr. Michelle Zhou: Empathic AI is Real and It’s Here – But We Need Everyone Involved!

From Our Partner:

Download the 2024 Ninth Annual State of Workplace Empathy study from Businessolver: businessolver.com/edge

Discover more valuable content from Businessolver on The Benefits Pulse vodcast: businessolver.com/benefits-pulse

About Yosi Amram, Author, Psychologist, CEO Coach

Yosi Amram, Ph.D., is a distinguished psychologist, an executive coach catering to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and other influential leaders, and a pioneer researcher in the field of spiritual intelligence. Holding an MBA from Harvard University and a Ph.D. from Sofia University in Clinical Transpersonal Psychology, Dr. Amram is committed to enabling individuals to unlock their potential through spiritual intelligence, which is a profound connection to the core of one’s existence that enriches their overall functioning, improves their effectiveness, and enhances their wellbeing.

Dr. Amram is the author of Spiritually Intelligent Leadership: How to Inspire by Being Inspired, which offers a compelling roadmap that equips leaders with the means to connect with the true source of their authentic power and presence deep within themselves. By utilizing Dr. Amram’s modern integrative methods and practical applications, readers will transform their leadership, and build, manage, and inspire high-performing teams.

Connect with Yosi Amram:

Website: YosiAmram.net

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/yosiamram

Facebook: facebook.com/yosi.amram.7

Book: Spiritually Intelligent Leadership: How to Inspire by Being Inspired

amazon.com/Spiritually-Intelligent-Leadership-Inspire-Inspired/dp/1960583697

Join the community and discover what empathy can do for you: red-slice.com

Connect with Maria:

Get the podcast and book: TheEmpathyEdge.com

Learn more about Maria and her work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak at your next event: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take my LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

X: @redslice

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business. Imagine the CEO of a public company having a spiritual crisis going back to school to study psychology, and now coaching CEOs across industries on how to be more effective through spiritual intelligence, while you’re about to meet him today. I have a wonderful conversation with Yossi Amram, author of spiritually intelligent leaders, how to inspire by being inspired. Dr Amram is a distinguished psychologist and executive coach, catering to CEOs, entrepreneurs and other influential leaders, and a pioneer researcher in the field of spiritual intelligence, holding an MBA from Harvard University and a PhD from Sophia University in clinical transpersonal psychology, Dr Amram is committed to enabling individuals to unlock their potential through spiritual intelligence, which is a profound connection to the core of one’s existence, their spirit, where inspiration and their deepest interconnectedness reside that enriches their overall functioning, improves their effectiveness and enhances their well being. Dr Amram has coached more than 100 CEOs across a broad spectrum of businesses, with many of them building companies with 1000s of employees and revenues in the billions. Additionally, Dr Amram serves as a psychologist working with individuals, couples and groups. His book offers a compelling roadmap that equips leaders with the means to connect with the true source of their authentic power and presence deep within themselves by utilizing his modern integrative methods and practical applications readers will transform their leadership and build, manage and inspire high performing teams. We talk about what is spiritual intelligence and how it compares to emotional intelligence, how it’s not limited to a religious doctrine or even a spiritual belief in God, and how it contributes to effective leadership and high performing teams. We talk about why command and control leadership can work in battle, but not so well elsewhere, and he knows firsthand. We talk about the first step to develop and deepen your spiritual intelligence and the role of it in an AI powered world, you’ll love the insights shared, and may look at your own leadership style in a whole new way. Take a listen. Welcome Yossi, to the empathy edge podcast. I am so looking forward to this conversation about spiritual intelligence. Welcome.

Dr. Yosi Amram 03:16

Thank you. Thank you. I’m delighted to be here with you, and I’m enjoying your smile and welcoming presence, awesome.

Maria Ross 03:23

Well, we’re going to get into it because I know that people want to hear about you and your work and your book, spiritually intelligent leadership, how to inspire by being inspired, which is an amazing title, by the way. So just quickly, this is, this is a very unique field. You are a distinguished psychologist, as we heard in the bio, but tell us a little bit about how you got to this work, specifically around spiritual intelligence. Okay,

Dr. Yosi Amram 03:49

I’ll try and keep it brief, because it’s my entire life that led me here, but I’ll just say a few things. My first experiments with leadership was in we’re in the Israeli military, where had the fastest promotion record in the history of my regiment, won a number of awards, but the command control model of the military, while effective in battle, really chafed at my soul, and I resolved to someday try my hand at different models of leadership, which ultimately led me to be an entrepreneur and founder and CEO of two companies which I was blessed enough to take public. But along the way, despite my success and health and wealth, something wasn’t really working for me, and I experienced the burnout and dark night of a soul, which led ultimately to what’s called the spiritual emergency, which associated with it was some kind of a manic episode where I kind of experienced the interconnectedness of everything, and it was a mystical experience, but it blew my circuit, and being a CEO of a public company and trying to run it with this vision that I had about the internet and. How everything connected. I was very ungrounded and couldn’t really manage my relationships with my board and my team, which ultimately led to being forced out. I was put on quote, unquote, a voluntary leave of absence, which was far from voluntary, was very devastating and and really depressing and so but it led me to try and understand this experience and what, how much of that was real or not. And that ultimately changed the direction of my life, where I went back to school and became a clinical psychologist, both to understand myself better, and then as I was starting to coach and mentor other entrepreneurs how to work with them more deeply. And I was, well, I’ll just pause there. No, that’s great. I

Maria Ross 05:44

mean, keep going. Okay. So

Dr. Yosi Amram 05:45

I was gonna say I was very familiar with the notion of emotional intelligence and all the research that was done about how that contributes to leadership. And I was interested in this spiritual experience that I had, in an awakening and the relationship between spirituality and leadership, and was this real, or was this just some kind of a delusion? And so I started to really study this area of spirituality and leadership, and then I heard this term spiritual intelligence, which was coined by this woman called Dana Zohar and but there wasn’t an operational definition and a scientifically valid measure, measure of it. And so if you want to study something in science, you have to know, define it clearly, measure it so you could see how it correlates and how it results in other outcomes. And there was a lot of validated measures of emotional intelligence, but there wasn’t any for spiritual intelligence. I set on a path to define what spiritual intelligence is and then how to measure it. And so I created the first academically validated measure of spiritual intelligence. And then I studied 42 CEOs and 210 members of their staff to see how spiritual intelligence and emotional intelligence and personality contribute to their effectiveness as leaders in building teams that were committed and unified and with lower turnover. And what I discovered was that spiritual intelligence made a great contribution, was complementary to emotional intelligence, but was distinct, and so that’s

Maria Ross 07:23

yeah, so let’s, let’s take a step back, because we’re kind of getting into some of the questions here. Let’s understand for a minute when you talk about spiritual intelligence, what is that exactly, and how does it compare to emotional intelligence? So I think before we get into all the great things that it indicates, yeah, what? Let’s make sure we’re all talking the same language. What does it actually mean? Yeah,

Dr. Yosi Amram 07:48

okay, great. So I’m glad you know it’s very analogous to emotional intelligence. So emotional intelligence, basically is the ability to draw on emotional resources to help and information to help regulate our own emotions and our interactions and emotions with others. So spiritual intelligence, by analogy, would be the ability to draw on and embody spiritual resources and qualities in daily life in a way that enhances functioning and well being. So what are those spiritual qualities you might say? So those could be purpose and service and gratitude and integrity and humility and higher self and presence and intention and so on. These are qualities that are hailed by all the world’s spiritual traditions, regardless of their cosmology of theology. So whether you’re a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim or a Hindu or a Buddhist or or Native American, I interviewed 71 teachers across all the world’s traditions to find out what spirituality meant in daily life and how it helped them. And these were the themes that and qualities that came up, like again, as I said, purpose, service, gratitude and so on.

Maria Ross 09:09

So it’s not necessarily attached to a religion or a belief in any specific god. So I guess my question power, yeah, yeah. So my question is, can an atheist be spiritually intelligent? Very

Dr. Yosi Amram 09:20

much so. And my clients are because, you know, you’re highlighting in a very important distinction, which is, spiritual intelligence is different than spiritual experience. It’s different than a spiritual belief. The spiritual experience is, I could be meditating, I can be walking in the woods, and all sudden, I have a sense of oneness with nature and whatever. No ego, I’m not separate. That’s a spiritual experience. A spiritual belief is in higher power or God or reincarnation of the soul or whatever it is. There are very many different spiritual beliefs, but spiritual intelligence, the ability to embody these qualities. In daily life. And, you know, practice compassion, practice forgiveness, practice humility. So you can be an atheist and be a humble person. You can be an atheist and have a sense of purpose and want to be of service in the world. And you know, and I could talk about clients that you know, some of whom, like one particular client in this moment is coming to mind, that was an atheist, had a very scientific background, and his company was running out of money, and the bank wanted to foreclose on his home. But you know, he had a tremendous sense of purpose in what he was doing, and he believed that it was really fundamental important to improving quality of life and the way companies work and so on. I won’t get into that, but the point was that his belief and his sense of purpose, and he kind of would remind himself, I’m living my destiny. Now, he didn’t really believe in destiny in a spiritual sense, but that was the phrase that said, I am on track to share my gifts in the world in the service of the greater whole. And that was his purpose. Now his company was out of money, and I continued to coach him for free, for essentially or for deferred pay for 18 months, because I believed in his purpose, and his team stayed with him when he wasn’t paying them. He wasn’t able to pay them because of his sense of purpose and the sense of community and alignment they created. So here’s a great example of someone who’s an atheist, who’s embodying a spiritual intelligence, quality of purpose vision then really helped him keep his company going. So, yeah, it wasn’t about belief in God or anything,

Maria Ross 11:48

right, right? So I guess that that kind of, that story, kind of illustrates the answer to my next question, which is, how does spiritual intelligence contribute to effective leadership? Can you, can you talk about some examples or stories there to illustrate that. I

Dr. Yosi Amram 12:02

mean, I’ll give you another example relates to maybe another quality, which is humility and egolessness. So I mean, first of all, I would just say that, you know, you might have heard of this, one of the top international management consulting companies called Bain and Company. They did a survey of 2000 employees and companies to see what we what contributed to inspired employees. And what they found is that inspired employees are twice as effective as people that are just doing their jobs. And then they looked at what are the qualities that contribute to leaders being inspiring, and they were basically service, orientation, humility, centeredness, empathy and so on, which are a lot of the same qualities that I’m talking about in spiritual intelligence. But this came out of their research with the companies and employees, not not coming out of any kind of spiritual orientation. But the point is, now there’s actually quite a bit of research that talks about the contribution of humility and servant leaders to effective and it may sound paradoxical, because we think the leader needs to be strong and confident. And yes, they do, but you know it confidence and sense and sense of security about oneself is not in conflict with ability you can have be egoless and be humble and still be confident, and it’s not kind of being weak or self effacing. So yeah,

Maria Ross 13:35

actually, we’ve had quite a few guests, and I’ll put links in the show notes, because we had America who wrote ambitious, which is the quality of being humble and ambitious at the same time. And I call it being strongly, strongly humble, you know, or being confidently empathetic. Those things are not mutually exclusive. And there’s also, there’s a few folks that I’ve interviewed around the the power of purpose in an organization. Susan hunt Stevens, the power of spirituality in unlocking creativity and innovation. Michelle Sherman, so I’m going to put a few of the links for listeners in the show notes, because if this episode is of interest to you, I think there’s all these other fun rabbit holes that folks can go down, and it’s wonderful to see that this is a, this is an area that people are focusing on, companies are actually doing research on, because that’s how we that’s how we get the skeptics right, is with the data. So if I can find a link to the Bain and Company Report, I’m going to put that in the show notes as well. Okay,

Dr. Yosi Amram 14:35

let me know. I’m happy to send it to you. Yeah, yeah. But the point is, actually, and this reminds me of a quote by Gandhi, which he says, when you reduce yourself to zero, you become unstoppable. Now it may sound really weird, but the point is, if you’re devoted to your purpose and there’s no ego about it, then you’re unstoppable, like in in martial arts. The most fierce spider is someone who’s willing to die. And so you act essentially with a certain level of courage and fearlessness, and you’re just doing everything for the cause, not about your ego, not about personal advancement, and that’s inspiring to other and makes you wholehearted in your action. And yeah, so it’s not me. You are actually focused on on the goal, on the vision, on the purpose. It’s not about me. And so all your energy is put behind that. So it’s very powerful, actually, well, and

Maria Ross 15:37

it’s also powerful because, from it, from an empathy point of view. It’s similar. It’s this idea that when you allow yourself to not be the smartest person in the room, but have a clear sense of purpose, you’re open to new ideas. You’re open to other perspectives, other ways of solving a problem, and that gets you to success faster and you can you’re not so committed to one way of doing something, or I don’t want to listen to anyone else’s idea, because I’m the leader, and I’m supposed to know the direction we’re going. It’s those humble leaders that involve their team in the purpose, that are able to move forward

Dr. Yosi Amram 16:15

exactly and they can learn. So I if I think I am the smartest person in the room, and my ego is fixated in that and I’m trying to prove that I am the smartest person in the room, then I’m not going to be open to listening and learning. So I the more humble I am, the more open I am, the more I can learn and grow and benefit. And as you point out, it creates the culture and the atmosphere where what can emerge is, you know, beehive intelligence, with the intelligence of the collective, you know arises. It’s not just my intelligence, not about me, you know, so to speak, which is egoic. Now, let me give you an example where this comes into, you know, an expression. So one of my clients, who was a successful entrepreneur who sold his first company, made, you know, gazillion dollars, etc. And he was like, Hey, I’m a great designer. I know how to design these software, apps and and, you know, I’ve made it before. And he started a second company, and they launched a product, and they weren’t getting any traction in the thing, and he was struggling to figure out how to adapt the product to get to a better consumer experience, better engagement. But, you know, he was really struggling because he had this idea and an image that he was a good designer, and that was really confusing him, like, how can I reconcile my identity as a guy who’s got it figured out with the fact that then I’m not? I’ve been working at this for a while, and I’m not. So I basically did this exercise when I asked him to put in his hands all these identities that he had, that he’s he’s a good designer, and he’s a father, and he’s a husband and whatever. And so we all carry all these identities. And how does it feel when you hold them? It’s like it feels good. I’m strong. I know who I am and so but how is it energetically in your body, it’s actually tight and and that’s how I feel, my strength. I said, Okay, now, toss them all behind your back. Now. How do you feel now? And now, he’s like also, and he’s like, he got loosened up, and he’s free, and he feels light, and that’s when his creativity came in. And so as long as you hold on to this identity, I’m a I’m a good, effective designer, and it’s not, then all your mental energy is trying to reconcile with your egoic identity, with with the facts of reality, which are not supporting of that. So you’re more fixated on maintaining your ego than on solving the problem. But when you are humble and you empty yourself of all these identities, that’s when you can be creative. So that’s why you talked about that people. That’s why in design firms or whatever, they create play environments and humor and all of that, to relax us out of this ego, which then brings up the creativity. And the creativity is like, usually feels like I am an open channel, and things are coming down to me is not like I am thinking and figuring it out. It’s like we become a channel and an inspiration comes through us, and then we feel creative when we express that creativity.

Maria Ross 19:33

Well, we get, we get in flow. We get, we get in that where it almost doesn’t feel like work anymore. You just you’re sort of in flow, and you lose track of time. And I just want to go back to something you said when you were talking about your story, because given everything that you just described, I don’t know that we’re gonna like answer this in this brief podcast interview, but this idea of command and control leadership, I’ve talked for a few. Years about the fact that that model is dying, at least in the business workplace, but it was interesting because you said that model works when you’re at war, right? And I’ve spoken to I’ve spoken to several former military leaders who even even in the military, empathy is actually a very strong leadership trait, because, you know, leaders are getting to know their people and those people’s strengths and what motivates them. And so I find it interesting in this arena where command and control was kind of born, you know, in the military, and even in the military, it doesn’t always work well, but the fact that we tried to bring it to corporate life, where, you know, lives are not on the line, and you know the stakes are a little bit lower. It doesn’t feel like it all the time, but the stakes are lower. Why do you think that there’s so many leaders, even with all the research around play and humor and creativity and unlocking innovation, in your opinion, why do you think some leaders still can’t let go of command and control?

Dr. Yosi Amram 21:13

Well, it’s basically it comes down to our ego. And you know, we try and establish our sense of worth, which is inherently lacking and deficient by by our status and our power over people. And it’s like comparing mine. I feel good about myself as if I’m richer than others, I’m smarter than others, and so the ego is trying to hold on to something to establish our inherent worth, which is, you know, that’s conditional worth, and it puts us in competition and in in conflict with everybody else. Our worth is, is our birthright, just our very fact that we’re born as human beings suggest that we’re worthy of love and and meaningful life and and respect and dignity and actualization of our unique potential. So yeah, but just to to highlight what you’re saying, I think it particularly doesn’t work in a knowledge based, knowledge worker based economy, I mean, on an assembly line when you’re just routinely assembling things, and you can do that very well with robots. Until you had robots, you could manage people like they were robots and but when you’re managing people that are essentially knowledge workers, and it’s their creativity and judgment that you need to make them productive and effective, then that command and control doesn’t work. Now, the reason what you’re saying, just to rewind a little bit about the military and empathy. Empathy is crucial to build teams and in the military, when you are in battle, you need a sense of camaraderie and team and that our shared destiny and we’re going to help each other. It’s not just about me. You can’t you can’t face, quote, unquote, whatever the enemy is. Individually, you have to help your fellow humans in the battle. But in the the reason the command and control is still the dominant paradigm, not in the training, not when you’re building that team cohesion and spirit, but in the moment when, whatever, you don’t have the time to build consensus and go into a conference room and say, Okay, let’s be creative, huh? No, people are shooting,

Maria Ross 23:34

let’s use the whiteboard. Yeah, exactly, yeah. You’ve got to make quicker decisions. To say,

Dr. Yosi Amram 23:38

you run here, you do this, you do that, yeah, that’s why in battle you need a certain level of command control, but when you’re not in the moment of battle, you need to foster that empathy and that connection, so that people, when you go into battle, you know, are supporting each other, and you hear heroic Stories of, yeah, soldiers jumping in front or jumping on a hand grenade to and blowing themselves, but to save the people that on on the vehicle with them. I mean, you hear such stories so but it is built on that sense of shared destiny. It’s built on empathy. I hope I’m making some sense,

Maria Ross 24:21

you are absolutely and I just want to, you know, because we’re getting close to wrapping up, so I wanted to give people some ideas for habits or practices that could help them develop or deepen their spiritual intelligence. Do you have a few you can share with us? I know there’s probably plenty more in the book, and we’re going to encourage folks to check that out, but give us a little appetizer. Sure,

Dr. Yosi Amram 24:41

sure. Well, I’ll just say this, though, it is an appetizer, and spiritual intelligence a lifelong journey, if for me, and I think, to embody these qualities not you have a momentary awakening, and you’re like enlightened, I don’t believe it’s a practice. It’s a practice, and it’s ongoing, and you’ve been. Building muscles just like you build muscle going to the gym, and you have different muscles. You have the purpose muscle and the intuition muscle and the higher self muscle and the humility muscle and these, each of these qualities you need to work on. Build AB in and I recommend people pick one one quality for a month or something, and put set of practices and monitor just like you would in any habit. I mean, there’s best seller atomic habits, and it talks about, you know, taking the small, small steps that are capable and and so on. Anyway. That’s a kind of a preface. But to me, it starts with connecting with our life force. What you call it, I’m calling spiritual intelligence comes from the word spirit. What is spirit? It’s the animating life force. And when you think about its relationship to leadership, it actually makes sense. What do leaders do? They inspire. That’s the difference between leaders who inspire and managers who manage. And so what leaders breathe? Basically, life, purpose, passion, cohesion into the organization. So we can’t inspire others until when we’re inspired. And how do we start by getting inspired is first we have to find and connect to our life force. And our life force is is readily available, first through our breath, because that is our what gives us oxygen gives us life. That’s why we call it the breath of life. And then we connect to our pulse. We feel our our, you know, pulse, our blood. And that’s, again, our life force. So when we can connect to that, connect to the rooted in the ground, through the feet into the earth, then we feel our solidness. We feel our life force. And then we are interconnected, and we’re connected to that life force. Then we feel interconnected because you share in a similar life force. So now, as I’m connected to my life force, right now, I feel your life force, your aliveness. And now we are interconnected and interconnected, and there, you know, my power, my vitality, my connection, is multiplied. So that’s kind of, that’s a beginning sort of thing. And so it’s to connect with our life force, to feel the support of the earth and the ground, Mother Earth is always underneath us, always supporting us. Gravity is kind of pulling us in like an embrace. Mother Earth is pulling us as an embrace into her center. And so when you kind of connect to that and feel the space around us that’s always holding us, then then we find our center, we find our our life force. And then through that, we connect, and then you have to translate into these qualities. From here, I can feel my passion, I can feel my purpose, I can feel my my strength, you know? And so on what

Maria Ross 27:54

I’m hearing, you know, it’s very it’s like with everything else. It always starts with you, right? It’s doing the inner work before you can influence others. So I love that. But what I’m hearing is it’s really about becoming more aware like at its very core, it’s becoming more aware to your your spiritual presence, your core. It’s becoming more aware to what inspires and and motivates others. It’s almost like with so many of these things, whether it’s emotional intelligence or spiritual intelligence or empathy, so much as of it is about just waking people up out of whatever trance like way they walk through the world and and I think that’s why we talk about this idea of like an awakening or a you know, I finally, I finally saw what it meant. It’s all very much language around waking up and paying attention for

Dr. Yosi Amram 28:56

sure, for sure, and waking up to our nature, to our essence, which is so much of us. We we believe we identify with our body, and we look at our body, we think we’re all separate objects moving through space. But the new science says that actually this body is really energy. E equals MC squared, right? Is the most famous physics equation that says that mass and energy are the same thing. That’s how nuclear energy works. That’s how the sun works, which is really nothing that condensed light. So light is energy. When it’s congealed, it becomes mass. So, you know. And then the new science of quantum physics talks about the field and the field of possibility, and how these things so right now, you know, I may feel I’m disconnected from the sun, but in reality, even as far as physics, the sun is exerting a gravitational field because it has mass, and my body has mass, and it exerts gravitational field. So I’m actually connected to the sun. Through gravity, I’m not separate. So the science is also highlighting that, you know, the way we normally experience things as a separate object is actually not true. And so when we realize that, and you can call it an awakening, we become aware to that reality, that truth, and then how do we live that truth of that connectedness, well, and

Maria Ross 30:23

from a very you know, and I know there might be some people, hopefully they’re still listening, even if they’re a little doubtful, you know, like this is a little too woo, woo for me, for leadership and whatever. But it’s we know it when we see it, you know. We know it when we meet a person we’re attracted to and we feel that energy. We know it when we walk into a room and something really uncomfortable has just happened, you can tell and so to deny that there’s an energy that connects us all, I feel like is very naive. It’s not Woo, woo, because we’ve all experienced it in some way, shape or form, our intuition, our gut, our you know, ooh, why did I know not to walk down that street tonight? Or, you know, we experiencing, we experience it on a daily basis, and yet there are still people that want to say, No, that’s, that’s a bunch of science

Dr. Yosi Amram 31:15

now there’s understanding of this thing called mirror neurons. Yes, supports empathy and whatever. And we don’t really know. How does mirror neurons work? How is it when I’m experienced, or even a monkey experiences, you know, something, looking at a banana, other monkeys around, same neural pathways in their brain are activated. It’s like, whoa. How is that going? We don’t know, but we do know that mirror neurons are working. We also now know that the heart produces an electromagnetic field, and through the research done at the Heart Math Institute, we understand that that field extends six, eight feet out, and we’re in the presence of someone else. The electromagnetic fields of our hearts start interacting, and we influence each other, so that sometimes we don’t know the full mechanisms. But as you point out, we feel it when you love someone you know and or you feel the energy of love coming at you you know. You walk into a room like you said, not even seeing the person, if the person is angry, the energy of the room feels dense, right?

Maria Ross 32:24

And you might not be able to put your finger on it, but you’re just like, something, what did you know? We say it all the time. You walk into that meeting and you’re, you know, you’re coming into the middle of a conversation, and you’re like, ooh, something feels a little crunchy in here, like, what? What just happened. So some, some of us, are more attuned to that than others, and I think that’s part of it again, like kind of going back to what you were saying, is building that awareness and building that link paying attention to those signals, yeah, oh,

Dr. Yosi Amram 32:54

I think of it as opening the aperture. Yes, those things are already there, but the more aware we are then, then we open our aperture, and we could take a lot more. We our radar becomes a lot more sensitive. Wouldn’t you want to have a sensitive radar?

Maria Ross 33:10

Yeah, exactly, exactly. So in our, in our last couple minutes here, I just want to close with this question, and it’s probably not fair, I’m pulling an NPR. Move on you with like, 30 seconds left, just tell me what? No, but what is the role of spiritual intelligence in the AI world?

Dr. Yosi Amram 33:26

Well, I think it’s a good question. It’s a question that I have discussed so some of my clients have been involved as leaders in the AI world. I have a podcast, or one of my YouTube videos is about digs into this, and I’m interacting with Emmett, who was the acting CEO of OpenAI, but for a while, one of the leading companies. So I think spiritual intelligence becomes more and more important for us as humans, as more and more of the things about our life and jobs could be mechanized or taken over by by AI agents, and so having the sermon and ethics and purpose and empathy, empathy and all those things, yeah, that much more important for us, for humans and the people that are on the leading edge of AI actually talk about a point where AI can have emotional intelligence and intelligence, I don’t know exactly about that yet, but, but you know, it is true that there are AI now that can have certain levels of emotional intelligence where it can Read emotions, return of voice. And yes,

Maria Ross 34:41

yeah, we actually had someone on the show, a founder of Juji, Michelle Zhao, who spoke about their development of empathic AI. And it’s, it’s, instead of trying to predict what patterns are there, it’s more about reading. It’s more about awareness. It’s more about. Reading what’s in front of it, and discerning word choice or tone or the type of question asked, and then figuring out what the most appropriate counsel would be. They’re using it a lot in higher ed and healthcare because of shortages of people available to give some of that guidance, and so they’re, they’re working on it, and it’s, it’s a very different mindset and mission for those founders of how to use AI appropriately. But what I took away from my conversation with her is this is the reason why our human skills are going to be so important, because we’re the ones building our future. We’re the ones building these, these machines, these these, these language models, all of the things. And so if a lot, like, just like you said, if a lot of those tasks are going to be automated, the things that sort of anyone can do, quote, unquote, I’m using air quotes right now, then our human skills are going to be even more important and

Dr. Yosi Amram 36:01

what’s distinctly human. It’s not just because those machines will compute much faster and will be able to write a lot more and research a lot more, and scan the web and do all these things. So we can’t rely on the traditional IQ, because the traditional IQ measures the machines are going to be have higher IQ than us, yeah, will make us distinctly human and avoid our obsolescence is these things of empathy and love and spiritual intelligence and the you know, and hopefully, then the machines will automate the menial tasks and what can be, and then our lives can have more meaning and creativity and love and connection, so

Maria Ross 36:46

we can, we can spend more time on those things. Yeah, I love it. Well, that is a great positive note to leave this off on. Thank you so much, Yossi for sharing your insights with us. Today, we will have all of your links in the show notes, and especially a link to your book, spiritually intelligent leadership, how to inspire by being inspired. But for folks on the go, can you just share a place where they can go and check out more about you and more about your work? Sure,

Dr. Yosi Amram 37:13

I have a website called Yossi amram.net y, O, S, I, a m, R, A m.net, and it’s kind of an umbrella site that links to my coaching website. It links to a site of research and assessment around spiritual intelligence. So there’s people can get a free assessment of spiritual intelligence on that website called intelligencey. I also host monthly free events for awakening spiritual intelligence. And each third Friday of a month we do one. We did one on love the week of Valentine’s Day, and then we did one on purpose, and the next one beyond beauty. And each month there’s going to be so they could check out that page and see what the next month’s event is, and just come and people do exercises in small group, and it’s a community, and people feel the transformative effect. And again, you could be an atheist, you could be spiritual, but not religious. You could be whatever. And so there’s resources. There’s a

Maria Ross 38:22

lot on there, so we will have that link as well in the show notes. Yossi, thank you so much for your time today.

Dr. Yosi Amram 38:27

Thank you. It’s been a delight, Maria. I’m so happy to be here with you and have this opportunity to share and exchange with you. And

Maria Ross 38:36

thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do, rate, review and share it with a friend or colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Stay well and be kind.

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathy edge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Markus van Alphen: Observational Listening and Being an Excellent Leader

What makes an excellent leader? Today my guest shares why he believes that leaders who develop their empathy and emotional intelligence are not just better leaders – they become excellent leaders. An excellent leader looks after their own wellbeing by looking after the wellbeing of the people they lead. Markus van Alphen is a leadership psychologist, author, teacher, trainer, organizational consultant, counselor and restorative practitioner. 

Today, Markus and I talk about what a leadership psychologist does, what is observational listening, and how it enables leaders to be more empathetic to create psychological safety, reduce burnout, and increase engagement. He shares what makes an excellent leader – and how they never need to motivate anyone! We chat about why leadership is not viewed as a standalone skill, the link between leadership excellence and corporate social responsibility, the impact of toxic leadership on your bottom line, and how to really change a culture by starting with yourself as a role model.

To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Key Takeaways:

  • Your shareholders are stakeholders, but they are only one of the stakeholders. Make sure you consider all of your stakeholders in your leadership practices. 
  • People often struggle in conversations because they’re too often in their heads and trying to plan the conversation within themselves, not participate in the conversation. 
  • As the leader, you do not always have to have (or give) the answer to every question. Encourage collaboration in your team by demonstrating that with them. This will help to empower them and help your team learn the skills to solve the next challenges going forward.

People are always motivated. I don’t even believe that you, as a leader, need to motivate your people. I believe it’s about finding out what motivates them.

—  Markus van Alphen

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About Markus van Alphen, Director, Excellent Leader

Markus is a leadership psychologist, author, teacher, trainer, organizational consultant, counselor and restorative practitioner. He is an authority on empathy, emotional intelligence, and well-being. Markus has a master’s degree in Psychology from the University of Amsterdam and a degree in Electrical and Electronic Engineering from the University of Cape Town. As a thought leader, he introduces the term Observational Listening, a theme he has written several books about, including The Excellent Leader and The More Excellent Leader.

Connect with Markus van Alphen:

Bureau the Excellent Organisation: https://Excellent-Leader.com 

X: https://twitter.com/MarkusvanAlphen 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markusvanalphen/ 

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FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business. What makes an excellent leader. Today my guest shares why he believes that leaders who develop their empathy and emotional intelligence are not just better leaders, they become excellent leaders, an excellent leader looks after their own well being by looking after the well being of the people they lead. Marcus on often is a leadership psychologist, author, teacher, trainer, organizational consultant, counselor and restorative practitioner. He’s an authority on empathy, emotional intelligence and wellbeing. Marcus has a master’s degree in psychology from the University of Amsterdam, and a degree in Electrical and Electronic Engineering from the University of Cape Town. As a thought leader, he introduces the term observational listening, a theme he has written several books about, including the excellent leader, and the more excellent leader. Today, Marcus and I talk about what a leadership psychologist does, what is observational listening, and how it enables leaders to be more empathetic, to create psychological safety, reduce burnout and increase engagement. He shares what makes an excellent leader and how they never need to motivate anyone. We chat about why leadership is not viewed as a standalone skill, the link between Leadership Excellence and corporate social responsibility, impact of toxic leadership on your bottom line, and how to really change a culture by starting with yourself as a role model. It was an insightful conversation, take a listen. Welcome Marcus to the empathy edge to talk to us all about leadership excellence and the role of empathy. So glad to have you here.

Markus van Alphen 02:27

Thank you, Maria. Lovely to be.

Maria Ross 02:29

So I want to start with a little bit about your story. Because I really want to understand, and I’m sure my listeners do, too, what a leadership psychologist actually does, how did you get into this work? And can you define what that field is? For us?

Markus van Alphen 02:42

It’s actually a psychology is all about influence, if you want to put it down to the nuts and bolts, because what do we really want to do? A lot of people say psychologists want to understand people, we want to understand people, but the reason we want to understand them is that we can influence that. So that’s psychology general. And well, my my speciality is who’s been on the front of communication. And after doing some soul searching, I decided, well, what’s what’s really what’s the reason I exist? Why am I here? Why am I on this earth, and it might sound a bit of over the top, but I have decided I exists in order to make the world a better place by making people more empathic and more human. Love it. And from that point of view, that’s that’s the leadership psychology comes in, as one of the things I was thinking about is, how large the impact is of leadership on the well being of the people they lead. And again, this, this whole idea of empathy comes to the forefront again, to me leadership, psychology is about well being. It’s about not so much the well being of the leader or there are also look at that, but especially about the well being of the people, the leader leads. And that’s really what leadership psychology is about, is trying to get behind the psychology of, say, human beings, which let’s face it, the people who work for us are human beings, and how can we make how can we make that bet? How can we make that leadership gets the things done, they want to do, and at the same time, improve the well being of everyone, everybody? Actually, that’s in a nutshell,

Maria Ross 04:34

well, and why do you think that empathy seems like such a new concept in leadership these days? I mean, if really, leadership is the act of motivating and inspiring people to achieve a common goal. Why do you think it’s only recently that we’re talking about empathy as a leadership skill? Well, I

Markus van Alphen 04:53

think for a long time, we’ve lived under the myth of leaders. Not only leaders, but also the whole work environment is rational. That what we do in work is rational we leave our emotions that leads, you know. So I think that that shift really is, is what’s making empathy more interesting. So realizing that that motivation, people are always motivated. I don’t even believe that you as leader need to motivate your people. I believe it’s about finding out what motivates them. And then we’re back on to emotions. And then what do you need to be able to see what emotions and other is experiencing? And be back on empathy again. So I think those three ready together, that they’re formed sort of a circle, which well, I know that this was a part of other research that has been done. It also just shows that companies where empathy is key other companies that also perform better when it comes to the bottom line.

Maria Ross 06:02

Absolutely. Yeah, that’s the crux of my work is really curating that data and that research. So people understand this is not just this touchy feely thing. Oh, definitely. You know, what’s interesting is, you know, when I did my TEDx talk, for example, I talked about tricking leaders into being more empathetic by showing them the business case. And I got some pushback on that, because people, you know, took umbrage with the fact that I was making empathy, this very business focused skill. And, you know, shouldn’t it just be the right thing to do? It should, but the moral imperative hasn’t been enough of an argument for some people to embrace. So we have to be empathetic and meet people where they are and say, Okay, if you’re skeptical about this, here’s why this is something you may want to take a look at.

Markus van Alphen 06:48

I don’t know, I believe it’s an end to end story. It’s not a it’s not an oral story. You know, it’s empathy is good for a lot of reasons. Yes. And again, I come from the well being side that I really, that’s where my heart lies, I want people to experience a good well being also, especially in the room, perhaps. And I also understand this whole principle of why you’re in business. Yes, there is a bottom line and bottom line is important. So yes, and the fact that there are so many people who are also finding out that, you know, we’ve always had this this concept of corporate social responsibility. And there’s this is a professor at, at London Business School, he comes up with this idea, and I’m, I might get the figures wrong. But I think it’s something like 4% per year, better turnover. The companies where corporate social responsibility isn’t just preached, but also practiced. And empathy is, is one of the things that fits very well, with the concept of Corporate Social Responsibility is one of your most important stakeholders. It’s your own employees,

Maria Ross 08:06

right? Your employees, the planet, community, all of it all the other stakeholders, not necessarily the shareholders. Exactly. Your shareholders are also stakeholders. But there are any one. Right? Exactly seven. Yeah, there’s too. Yeah, well, and I think from a, from a lens of sustainability, you Yes, you can get short term success by command and control leadership and not giving a hoot about your employees. But that’s not going to be sustainable for the long term. And so if you’re really in this to generate long term success, and growth, and revenue, and impact, and all the things, this has to be part of it. And it is always such a funny thing that people get promoted based on their job acumen, based on their ability to perform a task or performance skill. And yet they’re promoted into positions where that’s not the job anymore. Their job is to actually lead people, and so that a lot of them falter. And so what have you seen, be a good catalyst to get people to understand that just because you’re good at the job doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good at leading people leading people.

Markus van Alphen 09:21

It’s a very tricky one, because again, this is again, our society as as glorified leadership. And I don’t mean that in a negative sense. I mean, it really, we seem to believe that people who perform well at work will also perform well and to leading others. And I think that error has really been lost to provide proper leadership training, and training leadership skills like any other hard skill. I mean, they taught us a soft skill, making it all touchy feely hands and things like that. I don’t believe That’s true. It’s a skill that can be learned and be taught to be practice, you can get better at it. So I don’t know that that to me is where it’s where it goes wrong as is we should spend more time. Yes, helping people do a proper job.

Maria Ross 10:17

Well, and it’s the investment in your people and providing that ongoing leadership training. That’s not just a nice to have, if you want to reduce turnover, if you want to reduce disruption, if you want to, you know, stop, you know, being able to keep momentum in your organization by ensuring that the people that you put in these leadership positions are adequately prepared for that, then it’s not a wasted budget line item, you need to keep it in there.

Markus van Alphen 10:46

And also, this whole thing, I’m sure you weren’t aware of what they called toxic leadership, and that the people who are toxic are the ones who really are the ones who want those leadership positions, except for the wrong reason. And you know, there’s this awareness of actually what the person you want for a leader is the person with the heart for the people, they lead. And, and that’s, that’s actually what it’s about. I mean, it used to be that if you were, if you were a leader, you were telling people what to do. The, our world has changed. We want different expertise in our teams, which means that the team members are the ones where the expertise, not the leader, the leader is there to support to facilitate to create a safe space in which these people can get on and do what they’re what they’ve been hired.

Maria Ross 11:44

So I want to talk about observational listening, because you’ve talked about observational listening as a tool for leaders to be more empathic. So can you explain to us what observational listening is, and how that helps propel a leader into being more successful? Well,

Markus van Alphen 12:01

it actually begins with what we call active listening skills. These are skills that are often taught in communication trainings, and observational listening as adds layered, which makes those active listening skills even more powerful. And this actually comes from my own practice, in training people and communication skills. But I noticed some people just simply communicate far easier. And for some people, they’re going into a conversation, they just do it, and other people battle. And in trying to see what’s the difference between these two, I came to the conclusion, that’s the people who really get to it easily that the conversations are effortless, other people are observing, they’re observing, very specifically, the the emotions, their conversational partner is experiencing the hair and now, so they are reacting not only to the content, but to the content, plus the emotional, whatever you want to call that emotional level that’s carrying that part. And by sort of just aligning with that emotion, they get into the correct profundity in any conversation. And I mean, it’s not that you always want very deep conversations, no that because you can very, because you’re aware of what you’re observing, you can adjust how you converse with somebody to get just the right depth in the conversation that you can get something that’s fitting for the current situation, current moment in time. So interesting. Observation means listening or observation. Listening really means to me, using as many of your senses as you can, to not only listen to the content, but also to listen to the experience in terms of emotion. So that

Maria Ross 13:57

is so interesting, because I love how you discovered it was this common thread among people who don’t I love how you put it don’t struggle in a conversation. What do you think causes people to struggle in a conversation?

Markus van Alphen 14:12

Often? It’s because I don’t know, I think it’s because we’re in our heads too much. I think we’re so busy trying to think how should I react to this? What should my next question be? Who I’m dating a silence for? Ooh, that’s awkward. So then we’re in our head, we’re actually not busy with our conversational partner at all. We’re busy with ourselves. And you know, as once you get more easy with us, you’ve had my experiences, that using observation, this thing, just cost less energy. It’s just, you can just be there and it’s authentic. It’s it’s not something that you’re putting out. It’s not a trick, right? Whereas I often get the feeling when people do In taught active listening skills that’s being applied. I’m not saying everybody does this, but it’s often applied as a kind of kind of trick in order to get something that. And I don’t believe in tricking people, I really believe that being open and honest, just like you said at the beginning, that this idea that you’re being open and honest, are you saying, I’m trying to trick you into believing that empathy is good for you? By bringing you a business case? Right. I don’t believe that’s tricking somebody. I believe that’s being open and honest. Right. And I don’t think you can practice observational listening as a trick. I firmly believe it’s not possible.

Maria Ross 15:45

Yeah, I love that, because so much of that is about being present. And in the book, the empathy edge, the first step in practicing being an empathetic leader is to practice presence. And that means that the bane of our existence, our phones, our email, notifications, all of these things, we need to have a conversation with someone and be totally focused on that conversation. 100%

Markus van Alphen 16:10

agree. Mm hmm. Oh, I lost some big house house, you’re gonna have a conversation if you’re headed somewhere else. Yeah,

Maria Ross 16:17

yeah, exactly. I feel like you know, when I prep for these podcast interviews, obviously, it’s turned off all our phones turn off all notifications, we should be doing that whether we’re recording or not, oh,

16:28

my notifications are off.

Maria Ross 16:32

Exactly. That’s why you’re more productive. So can you talk to us a little bit more about the link between Leadership Excellence and corporate social responsibility? Because I have so many questions around that, in terms of what you know, what is that link? And can you effectively practice corporate social responsibility if your leaders are not

16:58

up to snuff?

Maria Ross 17:00

So talk to us a little bit about that symbiotic relationship?

Markus van Alphen 17:03

Well, you know, Corporate Social Responsibility is about sustainability. And it is about sustainability. Therefore, it’s not about short term, but the long term, and sustainability of all for all stakeholders. And I think this is, again, we’re coming to this thing of, let’s say you preach Corporate Social Responsibility in your organization, but you don’t practice it. For example, you’ve got toxic leadership in your organization. I’m sorry, it’s just not gonna work. So really, if you, as an organization believe in this concept of corporate social responsibility, then you also know that this is for many reasons that you do this. And if we just bring it back to leadership, just to keep it simple, because I mean, we can go all directions on this way. But just simply our leadership, we know how much it costs us to hire someone, and I’m not talking about the salary, I’m just talking about that whole process of hiring the right person for the right job, cost us a fortune. And quite often we forget, we also should pay attention to retaining that person, because losing that person means that all that investment we’ve put into hiring this person is out the window. So just hiring the right people isn’t enough to also should retain these people. And this is where leadership starts becoming very interesting. Because if you have somebody working for a leader, who is a good leader, given the support is making sure that this person is facilitated and what is needed. These people perform better. They have the less sick days. They don’t have the intention to leave the organization because they’re at the river. I don’t know must I go on to be?

19:09

No, you’re good to me this.

Markus van Alphen 19:11

This is a no brainer, right? All of these things, having good leadership place is sort of the basis for corporate social responsibility. If you asked me.

Maria Ross 19:24

Can you give us some examples of companies and leaders that you’ve worked with that or that you’re seeing in out there that are doing this right, that are walking the Corporate Social Responsibility talk? And what are the traits that their leaders are exhibiting? Well,

Markus van Alphen 19:39

I’m can’t say I have them directly in my network. The people that I see who are doing a good job, are the people who are genuinely concerned about the welfare of the people they beat and genuinely concerned doesn’t mean that everything is touchy feely as as we were discussing the beginning, because empathy actually means or I can put it differently. Empathy is information. Gathering. Yeah, that’s information gathering. If you aren’t, if you are empathetic, you understand what’s going on in that other person. And that makes it a lot easier to just support them in the way that suits them the best. I’m sure you’ve heard of Desi and Ryan’s research about the three basic psychological needs, people have the need for autonomy, the need for mastery, and the need for connection. And, of course, everybody differs in the level to which that needs to be satisfied. Just being empathetic or ready means you know, where a person’s needs to live. And this, again, ties into this whole idea of motivation. I firmly believe if you are an excellent leader, you do not have to motivate anybody, because all you’re doing is you’re aligning with them, you’re supporting them in what they need, you’re giving them an environment in which they are safe, where they feel safe, where they can be happy. Where they are happy usually, is you providing them with the right level of challenge, providing them with the right environment where people can have good connections with one another. Giving them enough space to do their own thing doesn’t have to matter that.

Maria Ross 21:34

Well, those motivations, in essence, that is those conditions are motivating certain people. And so it’s making sure that number one, you’re hiring people that are motivated by that. And number two, that those motivations are in place in your organization.

Markus van Alphen 21:49

And for both of them, you need empathy, for hiring the correct people, and creating that safe space. When we’re talking about companies, you know, when I often get involved with companies where it’s going wrong. So where they come to me, I remember a company came to basically the managing director said to me, well, probably having an arm company, is everybody’s always saying no. And, you know, we’ve got all these beautiful persons is hanging out all over the place with all our our values, our core values, and one of our core values is that we collaborate with one another. And what’s happening is, somebody asked you, hey, please help me with this. And I say, No, I’m not going to help you. Then this was one of these. It was a very strange interview. Actually, I was having this man. Because I was talking with him. And somebody walked in and said, Hey, boss, How did I manage ABC? Remember what it was specifically? And he looked at me, he says, Do this, do this, do this and do that. And the employee walked out. And we continue that conversation. And not much later this this has happened a few times during our conversation. I don’t know what you think. But I’m thinking I understand why nobody wants to collaborate, because everybody’s looking for the boss to answer the question. So the the boss was under a lot of stress, because he was answering a lot of questions. And he wasn’t getting down to doing the things he really wanted to do. Because he was constantly busy answering questions. And this was, perhaps it was an interesting conversation. And by just changing his attitude, and saying, Okay, wait a minute, I don’t have to ask the question. Let the so he had to change his style from being efficient, to being effective. Efficient, is give somebody the answers straightaway, so get on with it. So the issue is solved straightaway. But that short term, long term is going to conversation, this person, help them to discover how to solve this problem. So they don’t have to come back to me for the next question. To empower them. Yes, indeed. So. So the problem was, the funny thing is that the problem was role model behave. And that’s also what I believe, if you’re thinking, how can we really change in this case culture. It starts with demonstrating what you want to see yourself. So be that authentic leader, be that empathic, be that be that empowering leader before you expect anything in that realm from your employees.

Maria Ross 24:51

I love that story. Because I think that that that is so true of when someone from the outside looking in comes into observe a call culture, because leaders are so stressed, and they do have a lot on their plate. It feels like we’re asking them to spend even more time getting to know their people and tailoring their communication and, and inspiring and doing all these things. But that’s actually the work. That’s actually the job. And so taking that step back will spring you forward many more steps than if you keep doing it like you described the efficient way.

Markus van Alphen 25:30

But again, I understand where he’s coming from, because this is the way we’ve been brought up. Mm

Maria Ross 25:39

hmm. And the way that people have found success at that organization. And so until you have a different model to replace how people can find success, they’re going to emulate the models they

25:52

see. Exactly, huh.

Maria Ross 25:56

I love it. So, Marcus, this has been such a great conversation. I want to close with one last question, because you’ve written a few books, you’ve written the excellent leader and the more excellent leader. And at some point in the future, we will see the most excellent leader. But can you give us a few examples that we haven’t talked about maybe two or three? Of what are the traits of an excellent leader? And how can folks practice those skills to embody that? Well,

Markus van Alphen 26:25

as I say, my speciality comes from communication. So I firmly believe the organization is communication. Without communication, there isn’t an organization, so organizing is communicating. So getting into the best communication possible, as far as I’m concerned, that’s the quickest way to excellent leadership. And observational listening is one of the tools I offer in that process. And we’ve mentioned a few of the other things. I mean, we’ve mentioned this, this whole idea of empowering, we’ve mentioned this whole idea of being authentic, of putting the welfare of your people high, in your list of priorities of this is what I should be looking at. I think it boils down to starting with yourself. And we’ve spoken about this as well, you started by being there being the person being authentic being the person you want the people who work for you to be as well. I mean, if we’re asked, What kind of people do you really want working for you? Are people who are open or honest, be prepared to share their expertise. We’re happy to collaborate with one another. These are the things we need, especially in our modern day operations. We’re not just on a production line. And yes, we have production lines there, even on production lines of difference.

Maria Ross 28:01

Exactly. They’ve evolved, we need to evolve leadership as well. It’s interesting that you mentioned this, because and we talked a little bit about another habit being presence. Yes, excellent leaders. But this is why for my new book that’s coming out in September, the empathy dilemma how successful leaders balanced performance people and personal boundaries. The first pillar of being an empathetic leader who’s effective is self awareness. Yeah, because you can’t work to improve and amplify or tone down, what you don’t know is there. And so this idea of understanding your strengths, understanding your blind spots, and also being open to that feedback. So that you know, that’s what we talk about when we talk about vulnerabilities. Are you open to feedback? Are you open to being wrong sometimes, and I had an excellent I’ll link to it in the show notes. I interviewed a guest who we talked about why we need to be more wrong as leaders, because that is the key that humility, humility is not the same as like, I don’t know what to do. Like, that’s not that’s not humility, but it’s that understanding again, the self awareness, here’s what I know, here’s what I’m good at. Here’s where I have some gaps. Communication could be one of them, presence could be one of them. And what are you doing to shore that up so that you can be the most excellent leader you can be which is your your third book that will be coming soon. This was such a delight to talk to you. I want to make sure people know that in the show notes. We are going to link to your free course. The the excellent leadership series is there but there’s also a free course that folks can start right away. I’ll put the link in the show notes. It’s been delightful to talk to you today. We will have all your other links in the show notes as well. But Marcus for folks that might be on the go where’s one place they can connect with you or learn more about your work?

Markus van Alphen 29:58

I think quickest way is to look on my website. It’s excellent. Dash leader.com. I think that’s probably the easiest place

Maria Ross 30:11

great and they can find all the ways to connect with you on on LinkedIn and whatnot. Well thank you so much for your time today and your insights to help us all be excellent leaders and lead with empathy.

Markus van Alphen 30:23

Pleasure, thank you for having and thank

Maria Ross 30:25

Thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you liked what you heard you know what to do, please rate review and share with a colleague or a friend. And until next time, please remember that cashflow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Stay well and be kind.

For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access shownotes and free resources booked me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.