Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Annalee Hagood-Earl: A Founder’s Masterclass in Values-Driven Velocity

If you’ve ever wondered what it really looks like to lead a fast-growing business or team with heart, humor, and humanity, today is your masterclass.

Annalee Hagood-Earl is the CEO and co-founder of Bash Creative Inc. Under her leadership, Bash has become a magnet for some of the biggest names in the world—not just because of its stunning creativity and flawless execution, but because people can feel the company’s values in every interaction.

Annalee’s not just talking about values—she lives them. She’s led her team through seasons of explosive growth and through moments when, as she puts it, “the bottom dropped out.” And she’s done it all while staying grounded in empathy, transparency, and joy. 

In our conversation, we dig into building a thriving business while investing in your team’s self-development, what it looks like to lead through uncertainty, and how to redefine success by what your team feels while they’re producing, not just what they produce. We also dive into some golden leadership lessons: the difference between values and ideals, why Annalee insists on hiring people smarter than herself, what she learned from her worst managers, and why she and her business partner went through a kind of leadership couples counseling to make their company stronger.

It’s like she ticked every box in my Five Pillars of Effective Empathy, and the results on her culture, retention, and revenue speak for themselves.

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Listen in for…

  • Why reinvesting a headcount into developing your team means they can grow instead of relying on past experiences and traumas
  • Why you should consider counseling with your business partners, your C-Suite, and other leaders
  • Ways you can walk the talk and model self-awareness, joy, and learning 
  • Why allowing your people to be who they are means they can get further, faster 
  • How communication and transparency will take you a long way on so many levels

“We take a lot of time to interview and recruit. We’re looking for aligned values, not aligned ideals. I want people with different perspectives on my team. I want to learn from them.” —  Annalee Hagood-Earl

Episode References: 

About Annalee Hagood-Earl, Founder & CEO, Bash Creative, Inc.

Annalee Hagood-Earl is the CEO and co-founder of Bash Creative Inc., an agency known for designing world-class events and experiences for global brands. Guided by both her company and personal values, Annalee has led her team through seasons of explosive growth as well as times when the bottom dropped out. Under her leadership, Bash has attracted some of the largest companies in the world as clients — not just for its creativity and execution, but because its values-driven approach creates trust and a culture people can feel. This commitment to values has even inspired clients to reflect on their own, discovering alignment they hadn’t previously articulated. Annalee speaks internationally on values-based leadership and how aligning values with action inspires resilience, clarity, and lasting impact.

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Connect with Annalee:

Bash Creative: bash-creative.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/hagood-earl-annalee-78848a6

Instagram: instagram.com/bashcreative

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Get Maria’s books: Red-Slice.com/books

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Take the LinkedIn Learning Courses! Leading with Empathy and Balancing Empathy, Accountability, and Results as a Leader 

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Maria Ross  00:04

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. If you’ve ever wondered what it really looks like to lead a fast growing business or team with heart, humor and humanity, today is your master class. My guest, Annalee Haygood Earl is the CEO and co founder of bash creative Inc, an agency known for designing world class events and experiences for global brands. Under her leadership, bash has become a magnet for some of the biggest names in the world, not just because of its stunning creativity and flawless execution, but because people can feel the company’s values in every interaction. AnneLise not just talking about values, she lives them. She’s led her team through seasons of explosive growth and through moments when, as she puts it, the bottom dropped out, and she’s done it all while staying grounded in empathy, transparency and joy. In fact, bash’s values driven approach has inspired clients to reflect on their own discovering alignment they hadn’t even articulated yet. Anneliese speaks internationally on values based leadership and how aligning values with action creates resilience, clarity and lasting impact. A woman after my own heart, and let me tell you, she’s got the receipts, her company has achieved double digit year over year growth by prioritizing people and purpose right alongside performance. Yes, you heard that right. An events company that lived and thrived through the pandemic, talk about the ROI of empathy in our conversation, we dug into questions every leader should be asking, how do you build a thriving business while deeply investing in your team’s self development? What does it look like to lead through uncertainty and high pressure seasons without losing your humanity or your humor? And how can you redefine success, not just by what your team produces, but by how they feel while doing it. We also dive into some golden leadership lessons, the difference between values and ideals, why Annelie insists on hiring people smarter than her, what she learned from her worst managers, and why she and her business partner actually went through a kind of leadership couples counseling to make their partnership and company stronger. It’s like she ticked every box in my five pillars of effective empathy, and the results on her culture, retention and revenue speak for themselves. This episode is living proof that empathy isn’t a nice to have, it’s a growth strategy. So grab a pen, grab a mug of coffee or a warm beverage, because you’re about to learn how empathy, when activated through values, can create unstoppable momentum for your people and your profits. Take a listen. Welcome Annalee to the empathy edge Podcast. I’m so excited to talk to you today as a wonderful case study in building a business and in building a team that is empathy first and people first, and showing how it can be successful, talking about all the great ROI that I always talk about, but you’re actually living it. So welcome to the show.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  04:00

Thank you so much, Maria. It’s really wonderful to be here, definitely preparing for this podcast. I was able to listen to a lot of episodes, and you’ve had some incredible interviews, and I feel like just in preparation to be here to talk about how we embrace empathy, I learned so much. So I really appreciate this podcast and having an opportunity to speak on it, and hopefully some of what I have to say resonates

Maria Ross  04:22

amazing, amazing. So we’re going to start where we always start. As you know, we’re going to start with your story. So right now, you know you are CEO and co founder of a creative agency that puts on World Class events and experiences. But how did you get here, and especially, how did you get to where you are in terms of your leadership and CEO philosophy around running the company the way you do

Annalee Hagood-Earl  04:45

so, I think to understand a little bit about the level of curiosity that I have about human beings is to just quickly go back to my upbringing. And I was raised by two parents. My father was a recruiter for. Are tech executives back in the 80s and 90s, and my mother is a psychologist and a family and marriage therapist. So right from the get, I had an opportunity to be curious about human beings and how they worked. So for me, it very much was, you know, my mom would love to dive into deep conversations about behavior, and then I think my dad just modeled and just offered the curiosity level that I had growing up, so that, I think was the base, because I’ve been obsessed with the way people work since the very beginning, and that parlays directly into the fact that I now own and run a company that is protecting and promoting human to human connection through events and experiences. So there’s some a bit in between, you know, the more technical bits as I’ve made my way from Southern California, where I was born, where I was admittedly very much in a bubble, so I didn’t have a lot of exposure to other types of people, people with other upbringings, people from other countries, like just differing perspectives. So I think I was seeking that kind of ever since I left home and I found a career in events, in recreation and hospitality, which just came out of wanting to go into business because I had no idea what I wanted to do. And I was actually pretty terrible student, to be very honest, but

Maria Ross  06:23

I made it, you’re proof they can succeed. Yeah, exactly. I’m proof that

Annalee Hagood-Earl  06:27

education isn’t necessarily for everybody, for like, a level of success. But I went to Cal Poly. Shout out to them. They do an amazing job, and most of their education is through learn by doing. So I had a lot of exposure there, and then I made my way to San Francisco, and I happened to be there for 16 years and through the tech boom. So like, oh yeah, being in a place where I got to watch, I mean, regular conversations on the bus were about starting companies, or, you know, start or creating a product. So like, just being in that space of curiosity just continued to allow myself to blossom, and so that’s essentially kind of how, like I personally, got to where I got but hospitality has always been a through thread. I worked in hotels for a long time. I, you know, plan events. I’ve been a part of communities, so on and so forth. So all of that together got me where I am. I am today,

Maria Ross  07:19

and now you’re running your business from Mexico City. So are you a remote first business?

Annalee Hagood-Earl  07:24

We’ve always been a remote first business. So working in hospitality, working in hotels, I mean, I had to show up in a suit and stockings. So like I when I left, and I left, definitely out of a moment of desperation. I was overworked, undervalued, and just really like, not feeling like I was a piece of myself. And I think, you know, your listeners can probably relate to that, whether they like, in any of their jobs, there are moments in which you like, don’t feel like you’re really representing yourself at all, or the person you would like to be. And I think that was the beginning of me really leaning more into empathy and like, How can I find that in my everyday when I’m stressed out of my mind and everybody is expecting everything from me, and because I’m a high performer, I kind of punished for it. So if that drove me out to start my own thing, both my parents were entrepreneurs at some point in their lives. Dad was quite successful in that, and so I always had it as an option. I don’t think a lot of people look at it as an option. And actually, I have a side passion project called Follow the founder, where I do actually share, like, Everyday Stories of founders. So like, Oh, I love it. Make it more accessible as an option if working for somebody else or working underneath an organization just isn’t for you. But all in all, whatever I have to say today can be applied towards you starting your own thing, or, like, as your own business, or you creating your own intrapreneurship within a larger organization.

Maria Ross  08:51

Okay, so much in there that I love No, don’t be sorry. It’s amazing. First of all, we’re going to put a link to follow the founder in your show notes so people can check that out, but I think you know this theme of what you’re talking about is exactly why I do the work I do, and it’s we’ve got all these people with potential, all these human beings that because of their work environment, because of the way their leader is leading in a negative way, we don’t get the benefit of their innovation, of their passion, of their engagement. And I often cite this study by catalyst, which was a study done a few years ago where they interviewed 1000s of employees and they separated them into the employees that said they had an empathetic leader and those that said they didn’t. And my listeners may have heard me talk about this study before, but it’s related to your point, because they asked them the same questions about work life integration, about could they be innovative at work? Did they feel like their environment was inclusive? And the deltas between the group that had an empathetic leader and didn’t are startling, and the one that always gets me from a very pragmatic point of view. Do is that I can be innovative at work was about it was over 60% for the people that were in the team that had an empathetic leader, for those that didn’t have an empathetic leader, it was 13% and I’m thinking, what capital asset would any shrewd investor only want to be getting 13% of the value out of right? So like when we talk about empathy, having an ROI and empathy, having a bottom line, your story exemplifies that because you are a high performer, you’re now, you now run your own company, and you left an environment because you were overworked and undervalued. And so culture matters and leadership matters. And I’m getting on my soapbox with you, even though I’m preaching at the choir. So tell me a little bit about I know. How do you How have you intentionally built your business? Given that philosophy, can you give us a few strategies or even tactics you’ve put in place in your business model and how you run the company because of that philosophy of putting people first.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  11:06

Yeah, I absolutely can, you know, I’m a firm believer in seeing in the everything trickles down. Like, regardless of if you want to have a flat organization, it’s still just, like, never flat. So what I both my business partner and I actually had really not great examples of leadership or mentorship or management prior to starting this company together, and so our motivation initially was to just build somewhere we want to work

Maria Ross  11:38

that wasn’t what they did. Was not what they did.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  11:41

So my first tactic was to take everything that I didn’t like and figure out what the opposite and or what the counter was to that. And I mean, it sounds simple,

Maria Ross  11:53

no, but like, what are some examples of that? Yeah,

Annalee Hagood-Earl  11:56

in that, you know, no idea is a bad idea. And I’m always open and willing to listen. You know, I can be sold. My mind can be changed. I am not rooted only in what I believe is best, because I’m a huge believer in hiring people that are smarter than me. So, you know, people that can influence me. I you know, once you get to a certain level of leadership, you don’t have as much time for your continuing education or learning on the job like it is, you’re learning from other people, so making sure that I’m always I always admire the people that I bring on to my team additionally. And that was when we started expanding. I think initially what we did when it was just the two of us, and even adding a third and a fourth was my business partner and I, we set up counseling in the beginning, like it was marriage, like we we had a life coach that was quite transformative for both of us, that we shared, and we decided to do sessions together so that we could better understand, like, what are each other’s triggers? Where do we both feel insecure? So, you know, and it was uncomfortable, but I had to say we were the type of life coaching we work with. There’s a little bit of, like, a trance aspect to it, and like, I had to really say, the deepest, darkest fears I had in front of my business partner. And some of it was maybe not even complimentary, but at least it was out in the air. So, you know, starting with a transparency to a degree, I think honesty and honesty is more what I mean when I say transparency. There’s definitely a level of transparency that you need to like not do at work, but that was huge in the beginning, and then we took that care and understanding and empathy for each other, and then had that for each of our employees as they joined us and as well as our contractors, as well as our vendors, as well as our clients, like we don’t treat anybody differently, like you’re not on the inside necessarily of bash creative. We’re all in this together, and that’s what allows it all to seep out. I love it. So those are kind of the beginning. I’d say currently, to ensure that we do bring in the right people, we go through inter we take a lot of time to interview and recruit great we’re looking for aligned values, not aligned ideals, if that makes sense. I want people with different perspectives on my team. I want to learn from them, and that was early, because I know I don’t know what I don’t know, right?

Maria Ross  14:29

And that’s what makes you an empathetic leader. This is speaking exactly to the first two pillars of my five pillar framework in my last book, which is self awareness and self care. And the self awareness part, I mean verbatim, you were talking about what you went through with your your counseling experience with your partner, which I think is genius, because it’s a relationship. You might need relationship counseling, but this idea of being aware of what not just your strengths and your weaknesses, but what are your emotional triggers, and what are the things that. You need to recognize are coming like be able to have that moment of pause and that moment of response to say I’m I now know what that insecurity or that emotional trigger feels like in my body, and I’m feeling it coming up. So I can stop myself, I can pause myself. That’s so important for understanding what we bring to the interaction. You know, when people complain about their teams, it’s like, okay, well, the common denominator there is that you are leading the team and you’re interacting with everybody. And could, is it really possible that they’re all bad workers? You know, is that really reality? No, there’s probably something there, and the fact that you are open and curious, and you do the perfect thing that I talk about all the time, which is you have to put ego aside to embrace empathy. And show me a leader who thinks they have all the answers, and I’ll show you a leader who’s irrelevant, because to your point, there’s always something new to learn. And the fact that you you know so much of your foundation, of your company, this is why I love this story is rooted in how the two of you were interacting with each other first, before you brought on a team, before you expanded, before you you started hiring people. And I know not everyone’s in a position like they might think, Oh, it’s too late, but it’s not. You can take the time to do that for your team, for your business partner, if you’re in business with someone, if you’re an executive, maybe the C suite team needs to go to a little counseling together to figure out how they complement each other.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  16:32

So it would be so helpful to do that. I mean, seriously, we got to talk about each other as people. And yeah, you know what? Your relationship with money, your relationship with your family, your relationship with conflict, like all these things are real in your entire life, and they are amplified in business. So like, if you don’t have if you have insecurities, or you’re coming from a place of scarcity in any of those areas, it’s just gonna seep into all of your conversations, the way you show up, like what your trauma responses are. And I think what’s so interesting that I learned a long time ago, but was recently reminded of, is that honestly, in leadership, there’s a lot of fight or flight moments like I don’t know what I’m doing all the time, and especially being a founder, this I’ve never done. Almost every day I’m doing something I’ve never done before, and when you freak out and you go into fight or flight, you lose 70% of the ability to use your brain. Yeah? So like, you only have 30% left, and that 30% is very concentrated on getting rid of danger in any way. It’s concentrated on survival, yeah, yeah. And it’s not the best route. Usually, that’s not usually you don’t show up your best self in that. And so learning what that looks like and what those triggers look like, especially in the people that are leading with you, or the closest in in your organization, is, I think, such an advantage, because then you can show up for each other. Yeah, we’re all gonna get there. We’re all gonna have these moments.

Maria Ross  17:57

It’s funny because I, I worked in in Silicon Valley during the first tech boom and bust and then the second bust. And it’s just so funny, because the way that people try to solve problems of performance is, you know, throw more sales people at it, or introduce a new product, or, you know, spend more money on advertising. And I’m not saying in all cases that some of that is not valid, but the first place we should be looking is culture and leadership, like what’s going on in the company. And I feel like boards of directors miss that opportunity, and they’re looking for a quick operational fix. Oh, if, if that, if we do this, then sales should go up next quarter. If we do this, then we’ll cut our costs next quarter. But sometimes it’s just a leadership problem, sometimes it’s just a culture problem,

Annalee Hagood-Earl  18:49

or the team needs a little reset, and instead of investing in a new person, invest in someone coming and doing a sound bath, like, give your team some rest, exactly. That’s so much cheaper than an additional headcount, and you know, giving giving your team tools to manage their stress, giving your team tools to communicate more effectively, giving your team training and tools and investing back in them. Take that one headcount and invest back into your team, and like they you are now allowing them to actually grow, instead of just rely on their past experiences and traumas well, and

Maria Ross  19:25

that was actually the next question I was going to ask you, is, how have you built the thriving business? And you know, you You’ve talked a lot about deeply investing in your team, so it sounds like those are some of the ways that you think about it. Do you invest in continuous learning? Do you invest in, like, what kinds of, what kinds of benefits, or great benefits that your team appreciates for their own mental health and their own, their own, I guess, just desire to be seen and heard. What can you give us some examples?

Annalee Hagood-Earl  19:55

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we so. I. My company has gone through some serious peaks and valleys in the last couple years, considering the pandemic many have but as an example, just for like context, we plan events that are 400 to 5000 people, and in for a year and a half, over 500 people was illegal in most of the United States for gathering. So we had, we had to figure out ways to just keep our team sane and busy, regardless of the work and, of course, the stress that was going on. And so we actually started introducing the first thing that we did was we introduced crappy Hour, which was during the like heat of the pandemic, and it was a safe space outside of their current like surroundings that they could come, let let go, get things off their chest, no judgment. We could just, you know, talk about the things we were worried about. Talk about things like it was just a safe space event. It turned into doing silly things together. I think doing silly stuff together in any capacity is super important. People need moments of levity and work, regardless of the work. You can be a scientist. You could be a salesperson, like you need moments of levity. And so being silly with your team and letting that wall down and not worrying about how you show up makes you more human, makes them respect you more. So we infuse, at least once a month, a virtual because we’re completely distributed team. We’ve never worked in the same office or together, and we do virtual now. We do team time, and depending on what’s going on, because our businesses can be very seasonal, we will bring in either we will use that team time to be applicable to what the team or the majority of the team is going through. Can’t meet everybody’s needs all the time, of course, majority right? Yeah. So you know, in moments where they’re working insane hours, we will do, as I mentioned, a sound bath like, because they’re probably not going to take that time for themselves, like, they’ve got other people to take care of. They’ve got other things on a long list that they’ve been ignoring. So like, forced time, not forced, but

Maria Ross  22:12

encourage, very encouraged, very

Annalee Hagood-Earl  22:15

accessible time. Yeah, that’s to take and just relax. Or we brought in, we’ve brought in a hypnotherapist to talk about self soothing techniques and moment of stress. Or we bought, we brought in somebody to talk about resilience, and what are some, some characteristics of that, and then also ways that you can practice it in your everyday life. And then sometimes we’ve done like a murder mystery, where we’re all assigned characters

Maria Ross  22:42

and oh my gosh, I love it.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  22:46

And sometimes we just get on and have no plans, and we talk about our favorite things from Trader Joe’s so like, it’s the but it is a time that everybody can come together and drop everything. And I think that’s probably the easiest thing you can do. But especially in this increasingly digitized world, increasingly dispersed. You know, teams, there is nothing more important than coming together in real life, and you can do that virtually, but I really highly recommend together in person. So you can actually, like, use all of the senses of a human right, and connect with people and do silly thing, yeah,

Maria Ross  23:29

and you can be strategic, like, status meetings. Don’t need to be in person every week, but, but this is, this is a whole other rant I have about the the art, you know, return to work mandates. And I get it. I am an extrovert. I get the need to be around people, but let’s be intentional about it. We can be strategic. So it sounds like your company is very strategic about when you bring everyone together. Is that true? Is it yearly? Absolutely every quarter. What’s your cadence?

Annalee Hagood-Earl  23:54

We we do a year. So because a lot of our team does get to work together per project when we’re on site for an event, yeah, they do have inter, like inter personal interaction, for sure, but what we want is a time that’s dedicated to giving them learnings, as well as giving them respite as well as giving them some levity. So we do that at least once a year, and we’ve done that. I mean, even when you know cash flow wasn’t necessarily there, we prioritized it, because immediately you can see the results. I mean, immediately people step higher into leadership positions, immediately they use the relationships that they’ve created. And if we also incorporate some workshopping of, you know, working on the company versus in the company, they feel a sense of of ownership and accountability, of the trajectory of this team, of this company, of the success,

Maria Ross  24:50

of course, yeah, well, that’s how you get the buy in, is if they’re part of it, that transparency, transparency of decision making. You know, decisiveness is one of my pillars in the. Model, and that doesn’t mean you’re a dictator, it just means you’re transparent about how decisions are made, and you’re open to input, and even if you end up making a decision that not everybody likes, because there is no decision that will please everybody. Can you explain it in an empathetic way? Can you say, you know, Annalee, we really liked your idea. Here’s why we couldn’t go with it. But please keep those ideas coming, because it sparked a really great conversation for us to think about. Now at least you’re in a position to disagree, but commit, because you know your opinion was fairly factored into that decision. So I love that, and thank you for validating the fifth pillar of joy, which was one of the pillars of empathetic and effective leadership, because that was the secret sauce. When I was writing this, the second empathy book, that I was like, what’s missing? I had four pillars initially, and I was like, no interviewing all these people and trying to deconstruct the recipe. Something was missing, and it was levity. And that’s when I say joy. It doesn’t mean you’re the funniest team on the planet. It just means there’s camaraderie, there’s levity to your point, our brains operate better when they’re not under stress and fear and anxiety. And so back to the point I made earlier about do you want people operating on all cylinders, to come up with creative solutions and to come up with innovative products and services? Yes. And so some some some leaders who have thought that that’s a waste of time. You know, that’s nonsense. That’s actually where the magic happens, and that’s where you get the creativity and you get the competitive edge. It solves so

Annalee Hagood-Earl  26:32

many problems, honestly, also helps with just communication in general, across teams, yeah, the more opportunities they have practice get to practice get to practice that in a really respectful and safe environment, the more they’re going to take it upon themselves. So yeah, I mean, we practice brainstorming for our work together a lot collaboratively, and I think that sets the stage also for like, no idea is a bad idea. We can all. We all have a voice. We can all come to stage. I think another big piece as a leader, though, is that I’m in it with them. If we’re learning something I’m at the training I’m learning too. I’m allowing, not allowing, I’m encouraging the facilitator to pick on me. You know, in front of them, I don’t mind not knowing something I don’t right. In fact, I want to learn alongside of them. I share my failures often, and I talk a lot about how what I learned from them, and I also participate in all the brainstorming, like, there’s no piece of the work that’s below me in any way. There’s there are pieces of the work that I am more valuable at right, of course, but I still participate wherever I can. I think it’s important because, yeah, you know, a bad idea can or a non useful idea can spark a great one.

Maria Ross  27:47

That’s sometimes where the epiphanies happen, right? It’s the like, this is crazy, but I’m going to throw it out there, right? Or you get the person who’s really skeptical. This used to happen in my brand strategy workshops all the time. The person that didn’t actually want to be there was the person that ultimately had the big idea, right? So, but what you’re seeing is so valuable for and I really want listeners to pay attention to this, because you can talk about all these things all you want, but if you don’t walk the talk and you don’t model it for your people, it doesn’t matter what you say. And we’re talking about everything from it’s okay to make mistakes to you really need to take care of yourself and take your time off. But if you’re a leader who’s working 80 hours a week that doesn’t give anyone permission to say, I can take my time off, you have to model that for people. And another beautiful thing you’re modeling for your people is that self awareness piece around. I need to do some work on myself and see how I show up. You’re encouraging them because you’re showing them a model of, oh, this is how you find success here. And they have permission. So instead of you just saying, you know, you should go to the leadership training, or you should go take your time off, or you should, you should attend that fun event. When you’re there with them, it speaks volumes. You have to show up.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  29:07

Yeah, you have to show up. There’s so many organizations, so we plan events, you know, internal organization for internally for them, and, well, I can’t name drop many of them. You can go to our website and see many of them, but you know, we’re talking about global organizations with 180,000 people cover 36 countries like, you know, we work with some of the biggest names, and one of the biggest challenges they have is getting leadership to the events. And so these companies are spending conservatively, millions of dollars on the events, yeah, and all the people really want is an opportunity to, like, shake the hand of the VP, or to be able to see the VP look like a human and acting like a human. And I understand that it might feel like a waste of time, but like. Just them seeing you in the space has a ripple effect. And if I could encourage every single one of the clients that we work with in any of the future clients we work with, to be able to do that, you know, you’re going to see so much more loyalty, so much more buy in. And so just showing up is really important. Yeah, I do want to go back to really quick when you talked about working so many hours, because I actually think this is a really big challenge for leaders. And I do agree in modeling behavior, but I think some of the modeling can be just self awareness, because your job is different than everybody else’s, and it’s interesting because me and my business partner, we’re opposites, which is wonderful and then also difficult at the same time, but overwhelmingly wonderful, and she has to work a lot in what she has to do. She likes to work a lot, although that’s getting a little bit better with the longer that we’re in this, in these roles. And I don’t like I tap out. I know for myself that you give me eight hours in the day like my brain. I’m not giving you valuable work in return after that, right? She can be on hour 16 and just nailing it. So we’re just very different in this way. And it was something that we had to come to terms with when we became partners was that look, it’s not going to look the same on each of us. What that translates to to my team is that we we model two different approaches to working, right? And I think if you’re that person, because I’ve also met plenty of entrepreneurs or plenty of executives that they actually really enjoy work, like, work is literally their hobby. Yeah, yeah. I personally do not understand this, but you know, it is for many and and who am I to cheat them of like, doing the thing they like to do? Yeah? So I think you, just as a leader, need to explain to your team, to give them the knowledge, the insight, show them that you’re self aware. Saying, hey, you know you may see me sending emails in the middle of the night, but like that works for me, and I want you to also have the autonomy to do what works for you. So while what I’m doing specifically may not work for you, you can also find your own path to like where your zones of genius are when you’re you know your peaks of energy are and as a leader, you not only have to do the work to lead the team, but you have so many other responsibilities. You’re wearing many hats, so it’s understandable that you would have to work a lot of hours. I think that’s a really hard thing for leaders to come to terms with. Is that it’s okay that you’re working a lot. You just need to make sure your team understands what your expectation is.

Maria Ross  32:39

You need to communicate. Yeah, I’m really glad you brought that up, because that is true, and I think it’s about transparency and communication. And you’re absolutely right. This is where the self awareness pillar comes in. What works for you, and let’s have a conversation about it versus assumptions, right? I’m going to assume you’re not working eight hours, Anna Lee, because you’re lazy, because you haven’t told me whatever you know, whatever script or narrative you tell yourself, or I’m going to assume I’m not allowed to take a weekend off to be with my kids, because the CEO is working straight through the weekend, and I’m getting all these emails at all hours. There’s so many things that just communication and clarity, another pillar can solve for us, and you’re making me think, and I’m going to put a link in the show notes. A year or so ago, I got the opportunity to interview Claude Silver, who is the Chief Heart Officer at Vayner Media, and she is actually coming out with a book called Be yourself at work, which I’m very excited. I’m going to be interviewing her again about that, but she talked about, you know, the fact that their CEO, Gary Vaynerchuk, who people may know from the internet and know from his media companies, he is a workaholic. And she mentioned this in the interview. She said he loves the work like he’s doing it all the time. And she has had, you know, sessions with employees who are killing themselves to try to be like Gary. And she always tells them you don’t have to be like Gary. Like we didn’t hire you to be Gary. We hired you to be you. So what works for you if leaving you know, to go coach your kids soccer game at 4pm two days a week is what you need to do. All you need to do is communicate that to us, right? And so it’s not about modeling, but they’re very open about that, and they’re very emphatic about making sure that people understand there’s more than one way to show up and that you have to do what works for you. So thank you for reminding us of that again, because, you know, sometimes I use that example as a blanket example, but I think it has to do with being able to communicate and not assuming people know that that they can be who they are. It’s being emphatic and being deliberate about letting people know they have permission to do those things. So thank you for bringing. That up. That’s awesome. Absolutely Okay. I want to get to brass tacks for a second, because, not for a second, for a couple minutes here, because we’re talking about all these wonderful things and all these amazing things you do, and you’re describing a workplace that everybody wants to work in. Let’s talk about the actual ripple effects on performance, on bottom line, and how you measure it. So you’ve been leading the company in this way it is, you know, it sounds like a it’s a very entrenched philosophy. What is that meant to your company, in terms of performance, in terms of, you know, whatever revenue percentages you want to share with us, and in terms of retention and engagement, can you share anything about that with us?

Annalee Hagood-Earl  35:38

Yeah, I definitely can. And I would say about ROI in a smaller company, we are less I mean, we are data driven, but we don’t have to prove ourselves as often. You’re not reporting to the street, yeah, I’m not reporting to the street. Yeah. I mean, I can see it in our bottom line, in the sense that, you know, our team outside of outside factors, completely taken control of maybe a moment in time for us, but not forever. Our team has been able to double our revenue year over year every year. That’s great, if not more. So do we get some more team members in there? Absolutely. But you know, for the most part, my team is only 11 people, and we handle massive books of business. We do about 20 engagements a year, and like I said, with that team, we’ve been able to grow it year over year. So bottom line wise, it’s a pretty simple answer. We keep going up. And it is not because I’ve had the one same one salesperson the entire time. So yeah, it’s not like my sales team is getting much bigger. In fact, it used to be mostly me selling, again as a small company, but now my salesperson has over 80% of the book of business, which is insane, amazing. It’s really good for me. She’s had an empathetic leader, so it’s really helped her grow. Yeah, things off. But, you know, I actually went back to my team yesterday to ask them, because while I have no problem representing what we’ve done, you know, I want to know from them what they see empathy as, and what they feel is there is the output in relation to that. I love this because to me, empathy shows up in two ways. Is kindness and curiosity really, like, that’s the way I display empathy. I think you can display it in a lot of different ways, but that’s how I do it. So curiosity is really, really part of it. It’s the

Maria Ross  37:36

number one trait of empathic people. Just so, you know, great. So so somebody don’t guess what someone’s thinking, you ask. And, you know, and, yeah, curious, right?

Annalee Hagood-Earl  37:49

I used to make a lot the me who loved analyzing people previously used to make a lot of assumptions. And it wasn’t actually, really, until the pandemic and where everything became quite polar that I realized that, wait a second, I don’t know anything. So now I so I went and side Tanner became a digital nomad for three years to gain more perspective. And that it came was driven from my curiosity. So, you know, kind of the key call outs that the team came back to me with which, thank goodness they they validated a lot of what I already think, but yeah, is that having curiosity for different perspectives allows them to be more creative, so they aren’t just finding, like, you know, what is the quickest route to the deliverable or the outcome, but what is the most effective? What’s the most efficient, what’s the most fun, what’s gonna you know, what they’re looking at from different perspectives. And because we do events, you know, we have a very wide variety of people that are attending these and it’s absolutely necessary for us to consider what’s every type of person’s experience will be there, so that we can anticipate for them. So this curiosity of learning is really important to them, and so they really just expand their minds and are more accepting people. Each person is allowed to be who they are and show up their own way. And we do things like disc assessments or we used insights previously to try to understand people more at a core, but we also allow them to talk about, you know, what they resonate with that and what they don’t, because at the end of the day, it’s just a test. But you know, everyone being able to show up in their own way means that they don’t have to try to be me, they don’t have to try to be my business partner. They just need to try to be themselves. And we just give them. We’re a sounding board. We are the bumper lanes. We give them opportunities and options, but we’re not dictating like you must show up this one way, and so I think that gets them further faster, because they’re not they’re not fighting against who they I

Maria Ross  39:56

was just gonna say, yeah, they’re not fighting against a way that’s constricting. Them, they’re going with their flow, in other words, right?

Annalee Hagood-Earl  40:02

Yeah, and they’re learning self awareness. And so with self awareness comes into play and communication with others. It comes into play with understanding, what are your superpowers and what are your areas of opportunity? In fact, at our last retreat, our last two retreats, we’ve done full sessions on your superpowers and your areas of opportunity, not only from what you think, but from the team observes. And so, you know, working on self awareness, you know, it allows for them to seek continuing education. We don’t have to mandate it. So that’s really great. You know, they’re looking to build the holes of knowledge or experience or skill set, and then bringing it to the table to us. So that saves me literal time and literal money on making the wrong decisions and then building trust. We not only can build trust internally, but we have to build trust with people immediately, yes, often, because, you know, one one show can be 100 new vendors. So and they and we are actually just very experienced project managers. At the end of the day, we are not delivering literally anything except when we are managing all the deliverables. So we have to have these people trust us and want, yeah, for us, and so teaching our team how to build trust and what trust really looks like to them, allows them to then have effective and efficient relationships that are in delivering our end product. So that’s massive, and that translates in actual negotiated savings for our clients, so much so that we often, we often are able to cover all of the cost of us by negotiated savings, because these vendors and venues love working with us, even if it’s a brand new city we’ve never been to, never worked with them before. That’s amazing. And so you know, the ripples go out so far. That’s why I think they’re so incredibly difficult to measure. Yeah, in a in a way that’s holistic. I can only really talk about how it’s affected our finances. But when we’re able to send 10 save 10% off the top of the line of a multi million dollar show, that’s not small amount of money. No, you know, no. So that’s phenomenal ways in which it works, for the most part, for us. I mean, I could give you many other examples, I

Maria Ross  42:25

know, but I’m so glad, yeah, I’m so glad you asked your team that question, and this is directly from them, and what enables them to do what they do and work their magic. And some of that is, you know, numerical, but some of that is anecdotal, and some of it is, is knock on effect as well. And that’s why, you know when, when I talk to companies and I speak to audiences, you know, one of the questions, one of the most popular questions I get is, well, how do we measure empathy? And I say, Well, you actually shouldn’t be measuring empathy for empathy sake. You should be adding empathy as an ingredient to increase the KPIs you’re already tracking. That’s actually what it’s about. You still have to you still have to grow, you still have to deliver, you still have to make money. In the end, that’s your organization, unless you’re a nonprofit, right? But measure the things you’re already measuring, and add empathy, as you know, light lighting fuel like ignite it, and see what happens, and then do your before and after and see if there’s a difference, if that’s really what you care about. Yes, you can measure in pulse surveys and engagement surveys. You know, do I feel seen, heard and valued? Do I feel like this is a welcoming, inclusive environment? Those are all important to the empathy equation, but it doesn’t mean you throw your KPIs out the window, or

Annalee Hagood-Earl  43:41

your bottom line? Yeah, not at all. And I think the what, how it affects the KPIs more so is that if you create the safe environment in which communication is open because empathy has been used, then your team’s likely going to flag much sooner, when you’re not going to make your goals. And so you have the ability to pivot, or you know, or correct. So that’s massive, you know, and, and, and these teams like the retention too. I mean, shout out definitely to my team who has been through it with us. I mean, we’ve hit the bottom twice in the last five years and then reinvented ourselves so but, like, we needed a lot out of them. And I will say that, like, although I’m sure plenty of people use pandemic stories, but this is, like, very special is that when we lost all of our revenue in one day, and we had just hired a few people, this is May of 2020, oh God, and we were just, you know, quite honest, and they showed that, you know what we were going through, and that’s where the empathy was was, I didn’t try to placate them and tell them everything’s gonna be fine, like, I was like, Right Stuff is bad right now. It’s not great. And here are the things that we’re doing to try to fix it. Yeah, here’s how we’re correcting as leadership. But we just need. Need you to be kind back to us, because we’re figuring this out. And like this is, you know, 100% we don’t want to say it unprecedented. So there’s, I know that word, but

Maria Ross  45:13

take another word we can use, yeah.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  45:17

And in return, what was most beautiful was we had a good handful of people that work for us that came and said, I could, I can afford to volunteer for you for the next couple months. I can afford to work full time at half pay. I can afford to go on unemployment and still do projects for you, like, right? We had people trying to help solve the problem with us when, right? You know, I mean, I was in fight or flight, I was probably less of my brain available at the moment, yeah, and that was massive for us, but that’s what happens made us want to fight

Maria Ross  45:53

for them, yeah, and that’s what happens when you build that foundation. I spoke to a C suite leader for the book who talked about the fact that, you know, he spends the time, and he’s a very analytical, data driven guy. He’s worked for CIOs, he’s, you know, been in programming, and he worked his way up to the C suite, and he said, I spend the time on on the joy, on the camaraderie, on the how’s it going? What do you need? On the clarity, on the communication he goes because then when I make a big ask, they know I’m asking for a reason. They can trust me. And that’s when you get loyalty like what you experienced, because it’s not something you don’t add the empathy in the crisis. You build the foundation of it. You build that kind of culture so it can be resilient to the crisis. So what a powerful story to share that, because that’s the kind of thing you get, you know, and we can talk about like the research studies that show that people would, you know, work more hours for less pay if it was for an empathetic leader. Not that we want that to be the ongoing norm, but the fact that they will what you know, if, if you’re in a crunch time, if you really need them, that’s where people will go into battle for you. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I love it. I love it. Well, do you have a final parting thought for maybe, maybe what you’ve done that you wish other people would do within their organizations, big or small.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  47:24

I I mean, it’s hard to get it all into one. I think the thing that resonates with me the most is to just drop the ego. It’s so it’s so much easier. And on the other side of letting go of the ego. I mean, look, I think that a little bit of my imposter syndrome has done me real good on showing up as a whole human and not been able to let go the ego, because I don’t have it. But get rid of that. Because if you can lead like as your whole human self, and you know that’s the practicing what you preach, like really believing in what you’re bringing to the team. Like, start with yourself, work on yourself, do what you need to be better at home, better at work, go to therapy, like, whatever it is that will all I mean, I don’t, I don’t work by frameworks. I don’t work by I don’t think, I mean it’s nice to have as, like, an anchoring point, but I don’t think it’s necessary personally. Like, if you can just continue to try to make yourself a better person, it’ll just, it’ll show up everywhere, you know, and you’re going to mess up, and it’s okay, and, you know, tell people hey, I messed up. Like, just have accountability to it. It’s people are very, very forgiving and they want to work for people that feel like them.

Maria Ross  48:49

I love it. What a great way to end this. This has been so good to just hear this. You know, case study in action about, thank you, about the ROI of empathy and how you know, effective leadership leads to good things. It will lead to all the things that you want if you can embrace human, centered leadership. That’s what that’s what my work is all about. So I appreciate having you here and sharing your story. We’re going to have all your links in the show notes, but for anyone that’s on the go, where’s the best place they can find out more about you and your company’s work.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  49:21

So I think both going to follow the founder, because that’s a lot about who I am as a person. My you know, who I am out of our company for bash creative, often for much more than just me, but or, you know, find me on LinkedIn. I would say it really helps to put a little note in there, because I do get solicited a whole heck of a lot. So like, just say, Hey, I heard you somewhere. You know what I mean, like, just something, I heard you on the empathy edge, and I will absolutely connect

Maria Ross  49:50

with you. You stole my PSA, because that’s always my PSA. When people give their LinkedIn, I say, send her a note about where you heard her so that she doesn’t think you’re trying to sell her something.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  49:59

So I mean. When you have founder and CEO and your title, you are just a Yeah, yeah. But I would love to connect with people absolutely

Maria Ross  50:09

right, right? And I will just give the company a shout out, bash, hyphen, creative.com, and again, we’ll have the all the links in the show notes for you, if you didn’t get a chance to write them down. Annalee, it was such a pleasure to have you on today and have this conversation and hear about all the great work you’re doing. I really appreciate it.

Annalee Hagood-Earl  50:27

It’s wonderful. This is something I’m passionate and I really appreciate being able to talk about it and share a bit more of what we do.

Maria Ross  50:33

And thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please rate review and share it with a friend or a colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathy edge calm there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Scott Trumpolt: Beyond the Paycheck: Strategic Compensation Through an Empathetic Lens

When it comes to empathy at work, there are a hundred different ways to infuse empathy into your operations and systems – in real, practical, non-emotional ways. One of those ways is to look at compensation strategies and professional growth and development.

Today, Scott Trumpolt talks about empathy in compensation that leads to better employee engagement and more strategic growth. We discuss both the pitfalls of pay transparency leading to a dead end, but also the upside in how it catalyzes your company to reflect on and improve internal practices. He talks about how compensation is more than just salary, and the overlooked piece of career architecture – a concept that supports the Clarity pillar of empathetic leadership. Scott shares why programs fail, but culture shifts succeed, the #1 element to think about in determining competitive compensation structures, and why empathy is vital to ensure that compensation is about a one-on-one conversation and not a one-size-fits-all proposition. Scott also shares how HR leaders can strengthen credibility with business leaders and move the needle on company growth.

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Listen in for…

  • Driving solutions aimed at employee engagement.
  • Why compensation is not a one-size-fits-all solution and needs to be tailored to your employees and organization.
  • Balancing pay transparency and directing packages and compensation for the individuals.
  • Why job titles and compensation matter.

“There’s a reason why compensation is not in finance. Yes, I use a lot of numbers, but we do it in a completely different way, and we are impacting the individual directly.” —  Scott Trumpolt

Episode References: 

About Scott Trumpolt, Managing Director & Compensation Consultant:

Scott Trumpolt’s career is defined by a seamless evolution from corporate leadership to independent consultancy, reflecting over 30 years of expertise in compensation planning, HR leadership, and rewards strategies. For 18 years, Scott excelled in the corporate world, holding leadership roles in HR and Compensation across the United States and Germany. In 2012, he launched Trumpolt Compensation Design Solutions (TCDS) to provide bespoke solutions tailored to the unique needs of organizations worldwide.

Scott’s corporate experience provided a solid foundation for mastering market-based pay structures, sales incentive plans, and job classification systems. Transitioning into independent consultancy, Scott has spent the past 12 years leveraging this expertise to deliver innovative, client-focused strategies. This blend of corporate insight and entrepreneurial innovation allows him to navigate compensation challenges from both perspectives, creating high-impact solutions that drive organizational success.

Scott’s global reach includes projects across North America, Europe, Asia Pacific, and Latin America/Caribbean, reflecting his adaptability to diverse work cultures. He is a Certified Global Remuneration Professional (GRP), holds a master’s degree in Human Resources Management, and has maintained an A+ Better Business Bureau rating, underscoring his commitment to excellence and client satisfaction.

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Connect with Scott:  

Trumpolt Compensation Design Solutions: hrcompensationconsulting.com 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/scott-trumpolt-m-a-g-r-p-257a6b317 

BBB profile: bbb.org/south-east-florida/login/page/0/?li=1 

Scott’s Book: The Defragmented Consultant: https://www.amazon.com/DEFRAGMENTED-CONSULTANT-Transition-Independent-Consultant/dp/B0G53SY2Y7 

Connect with Maria:

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Take the LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Maria Ross  00:04

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. When it comes to empathy at work, there are 100 if not 1000 different ways to infuse empathy into your operations and systems in real, practical, non emotional ways. One of those ways is to look at compensation strategies and professional growth and development. Today, I talk with Scott trumpholt about empathy in compensation that leads to better employee engagement and more strategic growth. Scott brings more than 30 years of expertise in compensation planning, HR, leadership and reward strategy, after nearly two decades in corporate roles across the US and Germany, he founded trumphold compensation design solutions, where he spent the past 12 years helping organizations worldwide craft tailored, high impact pay strategies. A certified global remuneration professional with a master’s in HR management, Scott blends deep corporate insight with entrepreneurial agility to share complex compensation challenges across cultures and industries. We discuss both the pitfalls of pay transparency leading to a dead end, but also the upside in how it catalyzes your company to reflect on and improve internal practices. He talks about how compensation is more than just salary and the overlooked piece of career architecture, a concept that supports the clarity pillar of empathetic leadership. In my book, Scott shares why programs fail, but culture shifts succeed, the number one element to think about in determining competitive compensation structures and why empathy is vital to ensure that compensation is about a one on one conversation and not a one size fits all proposition. Scott also shares how HR leaders can strengthen credibility with business leaders and move the needle on company growth. So many great points in this one, take a listen. Welcome Scott, to the empathy edge podcast. I am really excited about our conversation today, because, as most of my listeners know, my work is really about results driven practical empathy in an organization, and I talk a lot about operationalizing empathy in ways that people don’t think of as empathetic. And today we’re going to talk about empathy in terms of compensation and recognition strategies. And this is going to be something I really think that our listeners, especially our listeners in HR and team leads, will get a lot of benefit from. So welcome to the show today.

Scott Trumpolt  03:17

Thank you, Maria, and thank you for the opportunity to address your audience, your listeners, your viewers, appreciate

Maria Ross  03:24

it. Love it. Okay, so before we dive in to all the things, we want to know your story. How did you get to this work as a compensation consultant? What was your

Scott Trumpolt  03:33

path? Well, my path really was. I was initially after college, I was working in a different discipline, just for a few years, and I decided to get my master’s degree in Human Resources Management, and when I did that, it just so happened that they created an opening for me in the company I was working for, and I had a wonderful opportunity to be mentored by several folks within that organization, real mentors that tried me out in it was like a dream job, because although it was very entry level, they tried me out in all different aspects of human resources, and then they saw that I really had an aptitude for compensation, very raw, very rough, but nevertheless an aptitude, and that has taken me forward for the past 30 years, 18 of those years were in the corporate world in various compensation planning and design roles. And then for the past 1213, years, I’ve been on my own, and what I have really focused on as an independent compensation consultant is how to link something that’s viewed very much as a black box. It’s kind of in the shadows compensation. And how do you turn that into a way that supports the idea of employee engagement, in a specific way, that supports the business but also supports what the actual employees are looking for? For, yeah, to get at the companies that they’re at. So that’s really been my mission. I’m certified as a compensation professional, and I have all these years of experience, but what it ultimately boils down to me is working with clients that really want to get beyond just the basics of compensation and to really drive solutions aimed at employee engagement, right,

Maria Ross  05:21

right? And you know, you’re making me think about years ago, I read a book called drive by Daniel Pink, and I’m going to put it link in the show notes, and it was so eye opening to me, because it was all about The Surprising Truth that motivates us. And so often when we think of compensation in our minds, we think more money equals the incentive for people, right? And people are driven by different things, and there are studies that show the state of workplace empathy. Reports that have been done by business solver of the last 10 years now show that people are willing to work for less pay and even sometimes more hours, if they’re working for an empathetic leader, and not to say that we want to, you know, make everybody work for the least amount of money. But I find that very telling about there’s a thinking out there that money is the only motivator, and it’s the only element of compensation, right when it’s really a much more holistic view, and it could differ from person to person. So just because I might be motivated by money, the person I’m hiring might be motivated by flexibility or mental health benefits or something else. So talk a little bit you have this concept called Career architecture that I think ties into this. Yeah, talk a little bit about

Scott Trumpolt  06:37

that. Yeah. Well, one of the things that people need to understand out there is that when you look at compensation, as you alluded to, it’s a big range. Potentially, it’s not a one size fits all pay level for an employee, and employees all want to get paid fairly. But how you get paid along the spectrum of a range for a job depends on a lot of different factors, and one of the factors that companies really want to zero in on is this idea of career development and that links to career architecture. Career architecture is simply the idea of linking both business needs and employee skill development. Career development needs to market based pay. So for example, if you’re hiring an accountant, well it’s not just a matter of hiring an accountant. You might be hiring a cost accountant. You might be hiring a tax accountant. You’re not just hiring an intermediate an accountant, but it might be an intermediate level accountant. Might be a senior level. Might be an expert accountant. All of these pay differently. And so what career architecture opens up is the opportunity to provide a vision to an employee coming into an organization, saying, this is only a starting point with your pay. Okay? What’s more important is how you progress along that pay spectrum and what it means. It doesn’t mean just staying here year after year, grinding out. It’s the idea of acquiring new skills that support the business need and stimulate your interest as an individual. Now this gets into the point you talk about some people, people spend a lot of their time working in an organization, a huge bulk of their time, they want to feel that they’re part of something bigger, yes, than themselves, and they’re not just a mere cog. So the closer that an organization can kind of lay out a road map of saying, Look, we’re not, we’re saying that different jobs pay differently with the organization. You don’t have these skills right now, but these are skills that we’re going to need in the business, and you’re interested in doing them, we want to grow you to that next level. So pay becomes a really a living thing. It’s not, for example, we see that nowadays, employees are very interested in pay transparency, so the companies, a lot of states, are mandating put out the pay range for the organization. That’s all well and good, but it’s kind of a dead end, because all it is is a set of numbers. The employee may look at it and say, well, this ask is making me ask more questions than I’m getting answers. Do I get the top part of the range? Do I get the middle part of the range? What exactly, and it can actually be a little bit deflating to an individual. What an individual really needs to understand is that pay is a living thing, and you grow with that, and the more we can make that connection between career development. This is what career architecture is. All about specific career development, but not just about things that you want to focus on as an employee, but also things you want to focus on an employee as an employee, but that are linked to business needs, right? It may mean. Is you need to get your skills in a different department within the organization that you come into to then come back. Sometimes you have to move sideways to get the skills that you need. And all of these are linked to pay different compensation levels. And if we can get that right, if we can provide a future for employees, and not just a static snapshot in time that’s going to lead to employee engagement. And the interesting thing here is, and here’s the empathy piece to all of this, we need to rely on human resources. Can develop this career architecture. They can link all these different opportunities to pay for employees, but it needs to become the one on one conversation between the employee and their immediate manager. We’ve done a great job over the years managing, teaching managers how to discipline employees or to follow various compliance but one of the links that I believe that can promote the idea of empathy with employees is having that direct manager who’s so important, this has been proven time and time again, is so important in the idea of employee engagement, that relationship, yeah, we can foster that relationship by providing say, Hey, you’re here today, but That doesn’t mean you’re going to be there tomorrow. Here’s the pathway going forward for you, and it can even start in the hiring process. We’re not going to lay out the whole career pathway for an employee, but if we can convince employee, prospective candidates out there beyond the pay range, that this can be a ladder that leads to other things within the organization and can expose you to different functions. Is, for example, if you work for a global organization, you might be able to entice employees by saying that, you know, we have opportunities in other countries. For example, when I worked in corporate I worked overseas for a while in Germany. So and I wanted to do that because it allowed me to learn a lot more about global compensation, and not just the US perspective, but for an incoming employee that knows, hey, I’m here today, but I might want to focus on other areas in the future to show them the overall career architecture that a company has can be a way of drawing them into the organization, and then once you have them in the organization, be able to develop that one on one dialog between managers, and I think that can help in the area of empathy. Absolutely, you can get into real

Maria Ross  12:37

specifics. Yeah. And also, you know, we talk about, I talk about in my work now in my book, clarity is one of the pillars of being an empathetic and effective leader. And I mentioned to folks in my workshops that career progression maps are a form of empathy for people, when people know what’s possible and they know what’s coming, and they know the direction they’re going in, and you can hold them accountable to here’s what’s expected at each of these stages. We can’t hold people accountable to expectations we haven’t set. So what I love about what you’re saying is you’re creating a picture of getting companies and HR teams to think beyond the one job they’re hiring for, and to really think about painting a picture for people of where they can go within this role, but having that one to one conversation of, does this even interest you? Right? What are you interested in, and where can you go with this there? I’m sure you’ve seen the data out there that talks about what Gen Z wants in workplace culture. Yeah, is not necessarily more pay. They want career development. They want professional development. They want to join a company that’s going to invest in them, even if potentially they might leave in three, 510, years. And I’m going to put a link to another episode in here, when I interviewed the chief learning officer at TBWA, Rhonda George Denniston, their philosophy at that global ad agency, that global media company, is, we know you’re not going to stay here forever, but it doesn’t mean we don’t invest in you while you’re here, so you’re performing at your peak capacity while you’re working for

Scott Trumpolt  14:16

us. Yeah, not only that, though, it promotes the culture, yes, of what you’re talking about. Because even if they leave, and I’m sorry I kind of interrupt you, but this is very important point that I wanted to stress on your point, and that is that even when people leave, other employees in the organization can see that kind of dynamic happening. Yes, it’s modern, there can be visibility to it. They’ll see someone moving. And I worked in an organization when I was in corporate that did this. They would take someone from the logistics area, and they would slowly move them into a different area of the company, much like when I started in my career. So you get providing models, and that strengthens the work culture, so it’s not a loss when they’re going

Maria Ross  14:57

out the door, right, exactly, and all of that. But it sounds like, in your view, all of that is wrapped up in compensation.

Scott Trumpolt  15:04

Yeah, yeah, it’s all it’s all directly linked. Because this is the thing, again, that people it’s not a question of paying everybody exactly the same. Human beings are all different, and they bring different skills and competencies to the table, as well as the potential to learn, and that can be part of the interview process up front is understanding, not only are they really good for this job, but do we get a sense of their long term potential? And that’s where the career architecture fits in. And again, it’s not something we’re making up. It directly links back to the market today. You are an intermediate tax level accountant. How do we get you to the point where our business needs we need you to be an expert level tax accountant within our organization. What kind of skills do you need? And again, who’s going to foster that? Their immediate manager, their immediate manager is not going to know all the business needs for the next 10 years, right? But they should have a pathway, at least for the next few steps, because management are supposed to be strategic, and they’re supposed to be proactive, and we are investing this money in their most important resource, they’re deployed. So that’s where I think the empathy needs to be totally geared. It’s the immediate Manager. You can have the CEO stand up and give a motivational speech and all that good stuff, but the really good piece is going to be that dynamic between the immediate post management.

Maria Ross  16:33

Well, people join companies, but they stay or leave based on their leaders, based on their immediate managers. So I would be remiss if I didn’t kind of get more curious about your perspectives on pay transparency, because as a woman, there’s a history of inequity with certain groups being offered different levels of pay, and so my initial reaction to your perspective is no Pay transparency is good because we need to all be playing from the same playbook so that no one can lie to me and say something different to somebody else, or whether I’m black or brown or Asian or gay or whatever. So tell me a little bit about how you view that in the context of being transparent to avoid bias and to avoid inequity, but also to your point, making sure that we’re gearing packages and compensation to the needs and the desires and the goals of the individual. How do you see that balance happening?

Scott Trumpolt  17:33

Well, let me tell you, this is a great question, and I’m glad you asked it, because I said at the beginning, I talked about pay transparency, and it kind of being a dead end and static what I was referring to. And I do believe that, but only to a point. Here’s the point I want to make about that, how they’re delivering pay transparency, the mechanisms I understand people were concerned about pay transparency, so the simplest and most obvious thing that they could do was require states to post the pay I’m saying that can be a real negative. But here’s the positive about the pay transparency laws, where it’s a good thing when you’re putting out these pay transparency when you’re putting out these ranges, it’s forcing companies to look inwards at their own practices, and they are more and more for a number of years now there are companies, and they are doing exactly that. They are looking through their pay equity issues, not market equity issues, but internal equity issues. So I’m giving some kudos here to companies, because one of the things that I do as a consultant is I help companies look at, okay, we’ve got this female population. Are they underpaid for this role? They’ve been here this many years? How do they compare to a person making more money? So these type of equity analysis that I’m talking about, they were being done, but now they are being accelerated because of these pay transparency. So while I may think not much of the mechanics of the pay transparency in terms of motivating right, meaning that on the flip side, the good news is that it is forcing a stronger internal commitment, and I’m seeing it in companies. Here’s the good news, just saying. Why is this? Why is this so part of my job as a side more of an administrative exercises. For example, I will get a list of employees, and the first thing I will do is I will look at, okay, because job titles can be misleading, right? Are they in the same job, regardless of what they’re calling them? And I have ways to find this out. You know, documentation, okay, what is the performance level been? What are the years of experience? What is the pay disparity? Are there any specific reasons? Are they part of a protected class, and if there is not something that can be grabbed? Gone to this is what is pointed out. So whether they’re doing it internally, which a lot of companies are doing, or if I’m helping, the bottom line is, this is the good aspect of the laws being posted down. Not all states have them, but it’s generally moving in that direction. In the past year, a couple more states like Minnesota and a few others, and I think that will continue the trend. I don’t know how many states it’s up to. There’s some variation in the states in terms of how they do it, but it’s not just, you know, California is often a leader in this regard, but it’s happening in a lot of different states and different geographic regions of the country. But that’s my view on the good part of pay transparency.

Maria Ross  20:40

I love that you said that, you said that, and that’s why I wanted to get curious as to the different dimensions of that. Because I think that going through that, you know, for whatever catalyst creates a company, you know, forces or urges or motivates a company to go through that exercise, it’s so important because I think a lot of it could be happening at these lower levels. But it’s not until you get all the data, and you look at everything all together and say, Oh, wow, we didn’t realize there was a pattern here. We didn’t realize that this was going on. And I had to laugh a little bit about your comment about titles being different, because I’ve worked in Silicon Valley for a long time, you know. And you’ve got, you know, people who are just out of college who want a vice president title, right? Yeah, and they get it just because, you know, it’s a startup, they’re like, we can give anybody any title we want, but it’s kind of meaningless sometimes within certain organizations, of, what are you actually directing? What are you actually the vice president of? Oh, you don’t actually have a team, but you’re the vice president of whatever. So I had to laugh at that.

Scott Trumpolt  21:43

Yeah, yeah. This is another pet peeve I have, is and I go on and on about this, I train companies about job titles and their value, and I say, look, you’re setting yourself for a fall. I understand that job titles are free and you feel nice in giving them, but if you have a director and they’re making $60,000 a year, you’ve got a problem, and it could come back to bite you. And so I try and explain that again, going back to the idea of compensation, it’s market based, and I can tell you right now, in the market, real directors do not make $60,000 unless they’re working for a very small nonprofit somewhere, that type of thing. But if we’re talking about jobs, and in defense of the director title, there are certain things that a director must do in the market in order to qualify for that pay. So they’re paying the job, perhaps, right? The real job throwing a title on it, and it can be very disruptive, right? And also could land them in some trouble. So, and the other thing that you said that’s very important is that human resources, oftentimes, managers, will make individual decisions that make sense at the time from a pay perspective, but they’re not seeing the big picture, and that’s where we in human resources can help them to step back and see, yes, I know you did this at the time, and it made business sense. It wasn’t anything that was hateful or trying to be deceptive. It just made sense at the time. But we’re here to say, look, in the collective here is where the issues lie.

Maria Ross  23:16

Yeah, I mean, it’s just so important. And also, you know what I see, especially from you know, the vantage point of being around a lot of tech companies is when you throw around those titles, you actually don’t create the career path for people to be able to prove themselves and advance and have somewhere to go, right? You bring someone in right, out of college at a VP level, where are they going to go? Right? So, and then, what are those milestones? And so a lot of leaders that I know that have come into organizations where that stuff was done willy nilly are spending a lot of time sort of revamping and creating equity among the pay and among the market and among the titles, yes, and it, you know, it can lead to a lot of resentment, because now these people have an unrealistic expectation of what their title should do and what they should be paying. But it’s about it’s a lot of them call it a leveling exercise of just like coming in and going, what has happened here? What it was Frankensteined the way it was done, to bring in the right people, like you said, in one off specific situations, but now you’ve got a team of five VPS that don’t actually have any direct reports, right? That makes no sense. Yeah. The

Scott Trumpolt  24:29

good news is it can be cleaned up, but it does become very problematic once a company grows to a certain level. It’s fine as a startup, I understand why they do it, yeah, but I shouldn’t resent it, because it provides me some work. But on the other hand, I do understand when employees get confused, and it does get a little bit beyond the pale that yeah, something that needs to be addressed.

Maria Ross  24:57

So can you give us an example of working with a client where. You created, you helped them revamp or integrate their compensation strategies, and it drove employee engagement and career development. Can you give us kind of a even if it’s anonymous, can you give us a real world example of like the before and after? Sure?

Scott Trumpolt  25:15

One of the most important ones was I was actually I mentioned nonprofit earlier, but I was working for a very large nonprofit, and they had one of the things about human resources often, well, it’s not a profit center, so you can’t really measure if you’re having a success in a certain area, but actually you can, and that is in the area of employee engagement. So they ran employee opinion surveys, and they asked specific questions about employee engagement, and what were some of the areas that they were concerned about, and they mentioned compensation and career development. So we ended up putting in a career architecture that was directly linked to market. And when you want to talk about pay transparency, we did not post the pay ranges of all of the employees. What we did do was provide them a vision of career architecture and showed how market based pay is directly linked to their job. And then we did some follow up, and a couple years later, they asked the same questions, and we had moved the needle specifically on compensation. So that is an example of moving the needle in a positive direction that took a lot of work over a couple of years, but it was something that was generally verifiable and believable, because the most important thing about any program, though, is to not just put together a program. It’s you’ve got to make it part of the culture, yeah. So it has to be renewed. And as we talked about earlier, there needs to be real modeling. There needs to be real models that people can see. That’s when it changes, just announcing, well, we have a pay structure, and it’s linked to career development. It’s not enough. Yeah, we put all of the materials out on a intra net where employees could see within, and they could see, well, I could move in this direction, again, it’s getting beyond their immediate job. And they could see what other departments do, and do I have skill sets that transfer into that area, right? So this is the kind of thing. You have to make it part of the culture and not just program. It won’t work, right? That took me some time to understand. I was like, early on in my career. Well, if I just do this, and I just do this, yeah, yeah, and it will be all and then it sits there, and it looks very nice on paper, totally, but in terms of practical application, yeah, I didn’t really do anything, sorry. It can make all the sense in the world on paper, yeah, but if people aren’t buying into it, and so that’s why I got into consulting, because I was spending too much of my time on program maintenance and not enough time, as I saw it, in creating something that can help move the needle, I could do my part in employee engagement, which, again, feeds in, I believe, into empathy.

Maria Ross  28:08

So real quick on that project you were talking about, did they ultimately see an uptick in employee engagement because of what they put in place?

Scott Trumpolt  28:15

Yeah, they let me know. Because sometimes you put in a project and you finish it, and then you That’s it with the client. But I have some of my clients stay with me for years, and so since they were they could actually report back to me. Hey, made a difference.

Maria Ross  28:33

That’s great. That’s great. Well, and I was going to make a point earlier, when you were talking about both transparency and career development and putting those things in place. A lot of my background, after management consulting, my background was in marketing and branding, and that is what actually led me into the empathy work. Was empathy to connect and engage with customers, but also being able to walk your talk on the inside of the organization. And I can’t, you know, we can’t ignore the fact that, when you do this internal work, what an advertising it is, what a great brand look it is for your organization to attract top talent. When you’re putting these kinds of things in place internally, it can feel like, Oh, well, what are we doing to communicate out there? But if you have this. It says so much about your employer brand and your ability to recruit and retain top talent moving forward in terms of like, this is what the company does on the inside. And given our transparent world, people know what’s going on and how you’re doing things. How transparent you are with compensation, how committed you are to career development, how clear you are with career architecture. Those things are a banner for your company to help it build its brand in the market. Well, think of it this way

Scott Trumpolt  29:53

when you’re talking about branding, absolutely you’ve heard of the top 100 companies to work for. How do they become a top 100 companies? You. Well, or one of the things is about their employee engagement results. And those employee engagement results can often link back to the idea that they have a culture in place about pay. They have a culture in place about career architecture, not just a program, right, but a culture. If I ever wrote a book, it sounds like a very simple title. I’m sure someone’s written a book about it, but it would be a culture, not a program, right? But that’s how they get to be these top 100 companies, which is branding, but there is some reality behind it, that they are doing things from the employee engagement perspective, that are resonating with I love it.

Maria Ross  30:37

I love it. I love it. Okay, so let’s leave off with some tools and strategies that you know, if anyone in HR or even the C suite is listening and they’re they suspect they may need to revamp their compensation culture and structure. What are some starting points you could advise

Scott Trumpolt  30:59

to identify their issues, certainly if it’s coming up in employee engagement surveys. If you have to be careful, though, with this next one, with exit interviews or reasons why people leave an organization, they will often say pay. Because now I’m not saying it always, but when you really go through the weeds. A usually comes out seventh on the list. You know, not first or second. It’s easy to say, because it’s not personal. It’s just more a reflection on the

Maria Ross  31:31

company well, and they can’t argue with it. It’s there’s no rebuttal like, Oh, you’re leaving because you’re making more money at the place you’re going to Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Scott Trumpolt  31:40

So there are those kind of warning signs. What I usually encounter is it’s coming from the front lines, from the recruitment team that is tasked with hiring the right individuals. And it’s not just about getting people in the door, but they might say, for example, I’m hiring. The recruiter is hiring for a manager role, speaking of directors, and they’re getting all these wonderful resumes through the man and these in the and the job pays $95,000 and the people are saying, This is crazy, this this job should pay 140 $150,000 your compensation. Is all wrong. The reality is, is job we have open as a manager, the person applying for the job for whatever reason has been a director, a real director, and now they’re trying. I don’t know if they think that that job will be easier for them, because it’s a lower level than what they were. Yeah, but that’s kind of the disconnect. So if recruitment is sending some warning signs, either difficulty hiring or difficulty hiring for certain jobs that they’re getting candidates that are over or under qualified, that could certainly be a warning sign. Okay, as I said, employee engagement surveys. But some companies are small, they may not run employee engagement surveys, right? So I think that’s a touch point. Now get with your recruiting team and see if they’re having struggles for parts of the country, for some of the reasons that I mentioned.

Maria Ross  33:06

And then does is the first step to take different for every company? Or is there one sort of clear if yes, you know, you know, Houston, we have a problem. What’s one small step? Does it? Does that differ by company.

Scott Trumpolt  33:21

It can differ differ by company, because sometimes the chief executive officer or the Human Resources leader will get anecdotal information over time, not data driven, but nevertheless, wanting to see a lot of companies don’t a lot of the companies, though, to be honest with you, it’s not that their current structure is failing them. They don’t have a structure because human resources, because, again, it’s not a profit center. When it comes to funding the right type of information system that they need, or having the right pay structure. They don’t have the infrastructure, because they don’t have the budgets for it. And again, working with an independent consultant, not just myself, but others that are out there that can provide that at a much lower cost than a large firm. There’s many, not many, but there’s big, large firms that do what I do, but they have a lot of overhead, and they don’t give you customization. So that’s the biggest warning sign that I see, is just that they get to a point where they’re so big they can’t manage things effectively, right? Excel spreadsheets. They need something more. And so that’s when they will reach out to me. It gets to a point where, yeah, they’re not meeting their goals, right? And the business is wondering why human resources is not meeting their goals. And Human Resources will move heaven and earth often to meet their goals with stone knives and bear skins, type of stuff to support them. Yeah, yeah. And I understand where the business is coming from. Um, but at some point, if you want them to meet their goal, so that that’s when there’s the fundamental disconnect, right? And that’s when they usually will call me. And so I hope that is answering you.

Maria Ross  35:09

It does. I was thinking more, what are the first steps they can take, versus the warning signs. But I think the warning signs are an important point to make. I want to ask this one final question. Have you ever worked with a client who thinks they have a compensation strategy issue, but it’s really more of a deeper issue of how they value people as an asset versus as an expense? And the answer could be no. I’m just curious if you have ever come across where it wasn’t just about the compensation. It was about how they view people as a fundamental investment.

Scott Trumpolt  35:45

Oh, sure, but the difference is, is that I experienced that in my corporate career. What? How I avoid that now, and why I say no, that’s not an issue for me. Is I’m only looking at it from my consultant perspective, because while my clients are checking out me, I’m checking out them, and one of the things that I do is I ask very probing questions about the leader of the organization. How do they feel? How do they view the role of human resources? Do they view it as personnel and transactional, or do they view them as a strategic partner? And there are different ways to answer that question, and if I don’t get the answer that I want, I feel like, even if they approve the budgeting of this project just to shut up their human resources folks, it won’t become a culture, right? And that’s what I drive it. So I try and stay away from those. But are there people that think in those terms? But if, depending on their view of human resources, which I’m a part of, right, there’s a reason why compensation is not in finance. Yes, I use a lot of numbers I generate, but we do it in a completely different way, right? And we are impacting the individual directly.

Maria Ross  36:51

I think that’s a really important point about why compensation should live in human resources and not make

Scott Trumpolt  36:58

a difference. Sometimes I’m working on a sales plan design with a financial analyst that has to provide a certain perspective. And we’re talking two different languages, yeah, even though we’re looking at the same numbers, I’m looking from the human motivational perspective, right, and looking at it from the business. Neither one is wrong. They’re both correct in their own context, but we have to meet in the middle. So my answer to that question is very much the viewpoint of human the role that human resources plays in the organization, and as to how much they value people. Because I’ll tell you this, some CEOs that are fantastic. They really do get the connection. Yeah, those are the ones that I want, I want to find, and those are the ones that I want to work I don’t want to sound snobbish, but I’m a, I’m a one person organization, and so the projects that I pick, I have to feel that that’s part of it. Yeah, absolutely, because we’re all getting older, and you’ve got to work on things that engage your interest level to your full potential. It’s not just about the employees. It’s about me too. I’ve got to be engaged well.

Maria Ross  38:09

And also your projects are going to be like you said. They’re going to be more successful in an organization that truly values its people and and values people like I said, as an investment and not as an expense that can just be cut right? So such a great conversation. Scott. I could talk to you so much more about this, but I really appreciate the very practical perspective of where empathy fits into something, as you know, operational as compensation strategies and compensation structures, because this is exactly the whole crux of my work is trying to show that empathy lives in all these nooks and crannies. Oh, there’s an organization. Yeah,

Scott Trumpolt  38:46

there’s a connection on right? Yeah, no question about it, but it is very detached compensation. It’s like I say, it’s very much in the shadows, very much in the black box. I’ve been living that for 30 years, but we are moving in that general direction, and I think linking it to empathy in a constructive way, yeah, that can be very positive, is like one of the next challenges

Maria Ross  39:09

for sure. Well, thank you so much for your insights today and your time. We’ll have all your links in the show notes for those who are on the go, where’s the one best place they can go to find out more about your work.

Scott Trumpolt  39:22

Best place is my website, HR compensation consulting.com

Maria Ross  39:26

Perfect, perfect. HR compensation consulting.com wonderful.

Scott Trumpolt  39:31

Newly revised, ready to go.

Maria Ross  39:35 Great, great. All right. Well, thank you so much, Scott and we appreciate having you on Thank you, and thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please rate review and share it with a friend or a colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind. You. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge calm. There. You can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Heather R. Younger: The Art of Self-Leadership

What if the key to leading others with empathy… is learning how to lead yourself first?

Today’s guest, Heather Younger, is here to show us how self-leadership isn’t just a personal development buzzword — it’s the foundation of truly impactful, caring leadership that achieves real ROI. As a global expert on active listening and workplace culture, Heather has helped Fortune 100 companies transform the way they engage employees—starting from the inside out.

In this episode, we learn about Heather’s journey as a culture bearer and customer experience professional, what self-leadership is, and why it matters – why doing the inner work helps you lead with grace and drive results,  and why treating employees with care isn’t just a moral choice but a business strategy that drives innovation and performance. She shares powerful examples and offers actionable first steps to help you lead more effectively, take ownership of your career, make smarter choices, and advocate for yourself.

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Listen in for…

  • What self-leadership is and why it matters.
  • How can you change your office culture to an empathy-driven culture?
  • The power of getting curious within yourself.
  • The power of giving and receiving feedback within your sphere of influence. 

“Take back your own power to lead yourself in the way you, intuitively, already know you’re supposed to be doing.” —  Heather R. Younger

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About Heather R. Younger: CEO, Keynote Speaker, Author

Heather R Younger, J.D., CSP, is a trusted contributor to leading news outlets, like Forbes, Fast Company, Bloomberg, NBC, and ABC, and one of the world’s leading experts on Caring Leadership® and active listening at work. She is the visionary Founder and CEO of Employee Fanatix, a preeminent employee engagement and workplace culture consulting firm for Fortune 100 companies. Employee Fanatix conducts annual research on workplace culture, relying on employee voices for what is relevant now, to help companies redefine their culture strategy. Heather has personally read over 30,000 employee surveys and facilitated over 100 employee focus groups, including her signature “Art of Active Listening Sessions.”

With over 25 years of successful management of teams, she has worked in customer experience, sales, and large account management for multi-million dollar accounts and multiple industries such as tech, staffing, healthcare, professional services, the public sector, and the financial sector. She’s a renowned keynote speaker, drawing insights from current data and putting into practice what she teaches in her Caring Leadership Transformation Model™.

Heather is an award-winning leader in the area of Employee Engagement, as recognized by Inspiring Workplaces, is a LinkedIn Learning course partner, a 3-time bestselling author, a TEDX speaker, and the host of the popular Leadership With Heart Podcast.

Connect with Heather:

Employee Fanatix: heatheryounger.com 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/heatherryounger 

Facebook: facebook.com/HeatherRYounger 

Instagram: instagram.com/heatherryoungerofficial

X: x.com/HeatherRYounger 

Her new book: The Art of Self-Leadership

Connect with Maria:

Get Maria’s books on empathy: Red-Slice.com/books

Learn more about Maria’s work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take the LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Maria Ross  00:04

What if the key to leading others with empathy is learning how to lead yourself first? Today’s guest Heather younger is here to show us how self leadership isn’t just a personal development buzzword. It’s the foundation of truly impactful, caring leadership that achieves real ROI as a global expert on active listening and workplace culture, Heather has helped fortune 100 companies transform the way they engage employees, starting from the inside out. She’s one of the world’s foremost experts on caring leadership and active listening at work. She’s the founder and CEO of employee fanatics, a consulting firm trusted by Fortune 100 companies to transform workplace culture through employee driven insights. Heather has personally read over 30,000 employee surveys and led more than 100 focus groups, a now four time best selling author, TEDx, speaker, LinkedIn learning instructor and host of the leadership with heart podcast. Heather brings 25 years of experience across multiple industries and delivers practical tools that leaders can use to build more engaged, compassionate teams. Her latest book is The Art of self leadership. Discover the power within you and learn to lead yourself. This practical guide empowers professionals to take control of their career trajectory and workplace experiences by developing a mindset of self advocacy and leadership. In this episode, we learn about Heather’s journey as a culture bearer and customer experience professional, what self leadership is and why it matters. Why doing the inner work helps you lead with grace and drive results, and why treating employees with care isn’t just a moral choice, but a business strategy that drives innovation and performance. She shares powerful examples and offers you actionable first steps to lead more effectively. Take ownership of your career, make smarter choices and advocate for yourself. This was a gem. Take a listen. Welcome Heather younger to the empathy edge Podcast. I’m so excited to talk to you today about self leadership and the role that empathy plays in making that successful for people and getting them the ROI that they deserve. So welcome to the show. Thanks for having me, Maria. Yeah, it’s really great. And I would love for you, as I do with all my guests, to start with sharing your story and how you even got into this work. I know you have some interesting twists and turns that have happened in your career. So can you share that with our audience, briefly? Yes.

Heather Younger  03:24

I mean, from stage, I share, like, the beginning story. I’m not going to go that way back. I’m going to just talk to you about the kind of the corporate part, and that is, I was working in an organization, leading customer experience at the time, and it was an organization I was going through a merger of five companies, and the culture, like most murders, they’re not very fun for the people inside in most cases. And this one was particularly not going well. And so I felt my own self, not, you know, like my mindset wasn’t great. Everybody around me was wondering was going to go on layoffs felt impending. It was just a lot of fear. So I went to the head of HR in the office and I told her, like, something’s got to change. We got to do something. I felt like I just needed to own what the change I was seeking myself. And so she said, You’re right. You should go do something about that. And I’m like, I should go do the way what I’m leading customer experience. I’m not in HR, like, yeah, and it was because I’d already acted like an ambassador, or someone who uplifted others kind of this culture bear, really, to be honest, my whole life, I was just always that voice for other people. I started in the customer space when it seemed space, went into employee space, and so I brought people from the different companies who already kind of expressed desire to do something about it, to be to make the merger a success. And we started to do things that broke down the walls of his trust. Really just started to gather people together, and it started to work. We could see that more people listen to one another, the more that people feel valued and heard in the process, the more they were more willing to lean in to make the merger happen. And then there was a layoff that was like 200 people. I was in that first round of people, but in that moment, I realized that I was that kind of intermediary. I was the voice between the people, customers, employees, back to the leaders who could do something about the experience. That was taking place, and I could do it in a way that spoke their language. I understood that at a kind of a deep level, and so it helped me be on my journey to where I’m at now. But, you know, there was a lot tied up into that, like title and having that job. And, you know, as a leader, I’d been leading teams for over 20 years, even at that point, and I knew that leading people was my thing, kind of going back to this empathy idea. I knew it was because I could always, I could sense where their shifts and things were and and then I would act appropriately. So that’s kind of how I got on the journey to the work I’m doing now. Yeah,

Maria Ross  05:35

well, it makes a lot of sense. I was in change management early in my career, right at the beginning, and the culture piece is so underestimated in terms of making anything successful, whether it’s merger, an acquisition, or even just catalyzing growth. And you know, we talk a lot now about culture being the biggest competitive advantage you can have, but I still believe that there are leaders who don’t quite understand that, and they don’t understand what to do with that information. So before we dive into our topic, given your work and given that experience, what do you think leaders don’t understand about catalyzing culture for bottom line benefit? I

Heather Younger  06:15

know for sure that they don’t understand the power they possess, and I mean the power to uplift or the power to put down, the power to create kind of a flourishing culture, or that want to really like damage it. So I truly believe, based upon all the years of research and working with organizations and teams and focus groups and surveys and oh my goodness, all the research, that it’s that culture is a byproduct of the leaders that are in the organization, and what we allow them to do, and how they behave towards others, and how they make other people feel in the environment. So culture, very generally, is kind of like how people feel inside the walls, behind the team screens or the zoom screens based upon the behaviors we allow the things that we recognize, the things that we compensate. And so it’s an elusive thing, but boy, it’s felt so deeply when it’s done well or not. So it is our behaviors that form the culture. Yeah. And leaders start off. They’re the ones who start it. They start the wave of whether it’s positive or negative. They start it, yeah, one of the biggest reasons why I just have focused so much on leaning into them. How do I continue to fill them up? How do I pour in the dim? How do I help them undersee and understand their choices? That how their choices drive culture well,

Maria Ross  07:32

and they absolutely set the tone right. And I talked to a lot of teams where they say, but, you know, if we want to build an empathetic culture, but who are we? I’m not the CEO, I’m not a VP, and I do talk about the importance of create, of being a leader within your micro culture and within your own sphere of influence, you can create that team that outperforms and people will start to wonder what’s going on over there, right? So there’s a way to do it from a grassroots level, but man, is it a lot easier when you’ve got the role models, and you’ve got the folks at the top. And I love that you said it’s also about the behaviors, because when we’re doing a lot of this work, we have to. We can’t just have these pretty values that are bullet points on a poster on the wall, but when we talk about culture, it’s, you know, how does work get done here, and how do we treat each other in the course of doing that work, and that’s where you can get unique and distinct cultures. But to your point, what are the behaviors that represent the culture that we seek, and how are we operationalizing that? What are the policies? What are the reward structures? What are their hiring guidelines? How are we making that real for people? And I think that’s where a lot of leaders struggle of, oh, it may just be this feel good thing, so if I’m just nice to everybody, then that means I’m creating a good culture. And we’ve got to make it deeper than that. So let’s take a step back and talk about, you know, your work around self leadership. Just a reminder to folks, your book is called The your latest book is called The Art of self leadership, discover the power within you and learn to lead yourself. Because like you, I really believe that all of this starts at home. We’ve got to get our own house in order before we can even open up to leading, influencing, empathizing with others. So tell us in your world and your work, what is self leadership, and why does it matter?

Heather Younger  09:22

It’s really like an inward journey to shine more brightly, reveal our brilliance, more brightly externally to others. And it’s and it kind of spirals up to self awareness and resilience. And I think, you know, one of the things about self leadership, and this is so interesting for me, because I Well, it came out in this year started, obviously, wrote it last year, and it became an epiphany for me, like all things do through my human interactions, whether it’s through, like, quantitative research, qualitative research, or just kind of like, you know, being around people and audiences, and it is really hard for us to have the strong foundation of leadership. Leadership, where people really are attracted to us, that like they want to follow us, they’re attracted to our journey what we represent, if we are not leading ourselves well with, again, that strong foundation of self awareness and resilience and empathy and all of those things that are embedded in just being good humans. And so what I noticed over the years, as I was speaking audiences or even in focus groups, that people who, even who we think of, are those who have authority at work, the managers, directors, kind of middle level, feel the most hopeless, yes, in so many cases, because they don’t kind of the scenario you just presented. I’m not the CEO. I’m not the CEO. So what can I do? I’m feeling like my hands are tied, right? And so I say that not to be that’s a lack in empathy, as I say it, because I’ve been there, done that. I was a director level for the majority of my manager and so I often felt like my hands are tied. And I would be the most frustrated when I kept giving my power away, when I would keep saying things like, well, they’re, you know, the executive team is not going to allow that. The budget doesn’t allow that. The this that. And so when I became very much like a victim of the circumstance, is when I lost my edge. It’s when I lost my ability to lead in the most powerful way possible. So this whole idea of stop waiting for someone else to be your green white, stop waiting for somebody to give you access. Stop waiting for someone to say it’s okay at your time or validate who you are. Is where the self leadership bug was born in me, and now I’m really trying to pass it out. I’m just saying, like, you know, yes, there are limitations, yes, there are real things that are in the workplace that might serve as barriers, and what are we going to do about it? And now that’s where I’m at, I’m kind of like, stop giving yourself excuses. And I’m saying this to me. So I’m saying this to me too. But yes, for the longest time, I waited for someone to tell me it was okay to take more time for me. I waited for someone else to tell me it was time for me, it was okay for me not to accept as many speaking engagements or so many this and that I would wait for that. And finally, like in fact, my son, who now we just dropped off last week to the United States military Naval Academy at Annapolis. He said that he would say to me, like, why are you coming back home in between all your gigs? Like, why are you doing that when it makes no sense, when you’re going from one place to one place, we don’t really recognize you’re here anyway. Why are you doing that? And I would always feel guilty. I have four kids, and, of course, and I I would want to be come back. And finally, I’m like, yeah, why am I doing that? So then, like, why, at that point he was 14? Like, why am I waiting for a 14 year old to give me permission to do the thing that’s best for my own physical right? But this is the kind of thing we all are doing, like a lot, we all find that whatever it is, yeah, we’re waiting for permission for something. So self leadership says, Take back your own power to lead yourself in the way you intuitively already know you’re supposed to be doing it like, Why do you have to wait for someone to tell you to listen to your team members in a way they that makes them feel heard? Why do you need to have somebody tell you it’s okay to show care and concern for your team who’s looking to you for guidance every day from like somebody who’s not even inside your space every day. Why are you doing so? These are the things I’m wondering prompting people right is having them really reflect on the choices they make, how it impact their own mental, physical, financial health, all of it, and how that then extends out to people outside of them?

Maria Ross  13:15

Absolutely. I mean, we’ve got to break those unconscious patterns that for whatever reason, whether it’s our upbringing or workplace we had before or negative role models of leadership. We don’t have to accept that. That’s the paradigm, and in fact, that’s what the culture and the workplace and the incoming talent generations are demanding of us now, is we’ve got to let go of those old paradigms and think about where they came from. What I hear, what I the common theme I’m hearing across all of what you’re saying is we’ve got to be conscious, and we’ve got to be intentional, and it’s okay for us to question why we’re making decisions the way we’re making them. Yep, the level of

Heather Younger  13:50

evolution, or, like, I call it today, I call it a metamorphosis. It really does make me think of that for myself personally, and I’m hoping to get, like, to take people on that journey so that they can get there too. But as I say, some of these things, I think, you know, on one part of me, because I’m like, empathy is my biggest strength. It’s like, it’s massive relatability, all those things, right? And as I say, one ear says, Oh Heather, you’re being too hard on them. Oh Heather, you’re, you know, make sure that they know that you’re not perfect, or that you also and I did this thing with, like, hearing one side and letting that one side stop me from saying the things that actually needed to be said, Yes, still from a place of care and concern, but I would take a little bit more of that hard edge away, right? And I think again, the last couple years, I realized number one, I needed my own tough love, so I needed to get my own stuff a hard edge, and also give people permission to say, Sure. I mean, this might be more of a one that woman thing, but I do. I know that this resonates with men too, which is, which is, sure it’s okay to, like, hear that side and kind of make sure that we’re relating to the other people on the other side, and make sure that they understand that we’re human too. And so the vulnerability and the relatability and empathy is so important, and at the same time. I need to draw a line. You need to draw a line that says I understand, and it’s no longer good enough, right? That’s what I can be. I’ve realized that for me, the metamorphosis for me was other people had already been seeing it, this whole ability to be empathetic and compassionate and also hold such a strength and presence about me, yes, but what I was doing is I was kind of ignoring that second side for the side that I thought was more me, was maybe more valued, like all those things, right was so it ended up being a little bit more externally focused. And I thought, yeah. And I realized, yeah. How the hell Heather, did you get through all the things you’ve had in your like, backstory as a child, growing up, and then having the kids and all the things, Yeah, how’d you get through that? Was it always empathy and compassion? Heck, no, it wasn’t. It was not. It was having a strength of resolve, yes, having the resilience and sticking to skin, having a vision and values that are strong and unshakable, like I had those things, but I was really downplaying those. Yes, absolutely, I’m saying so my own metamorphosis and growth is where, like, the books I write, the things I speak about, are all I’m personally living them. This is not something like, like a theory tell you about this thing that I’ve never done. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Integrity is a big value of mine. So for me, I have to be aligned, yes, and

Maria Ross  16:19

the alignment is so important, I think so there’s so many things that you spoke about. I’m like, yes, yes. You know, my work is about getting people to get rid of this either or leadership paradigm. Like I’m either empathetic or I’m high performing. I’m either empathetic or I’m holding people accountable. We’ve got to get to a place where it’s integrated, just like we are as human beings. We’ve got to be able to balance both of these things to be true at the same time that you can be empathetic and be a high performer, and you can be empathetic and make really hard business decisions, including having to let people go, if that’s what needs to be done, but you can do it in a way that aligns for you. You can do it with compassion and with preparation and with intention and with respect for their humanity. And so, you know, it’s funny, because I always talk to leaders about being an empathetic leader. Is not about lowering the bar for your team. Oh yeah, it’s about supporting people to get to the level you expect. That’s what we mean by empathetic leadership. It doesn’t mean letting everyone slide, because that’s people pleasing. That’s not empathy, and it’s not leadership, right?

Heather Younger  17:24

It’s not, it’s not, in my word, it’s not caring leadership. Because caring leadership means that I don’t want you to flail like you’re going to flail if I give you no direction, if I expect nothing from you, if I don’t hold you accountable, and then the team on the outside is watching me with you, going, where did they get all this treatment from this special treatment? How come there seemed to be so much bias towards that person. So then it’s you’re not showing caring leadership towards the people that are looking outside of that interaction, that relationship. So yeah, there’s a lot of balance to be had, but it is interesting how, even how the leaders are generally just having that balance. There is just a hard one for sure.

Maria Ross  17:59

So the balance is key. And like you pointed out earlier, you know, it’s that middle level that’s those are the people I wrote the last book the empathy dilemma. That’s sort of my love letter to them. It’s they’re the ones being squeezed from both ends. They’re trying to balance the demands of the business with the demands and needs of their people, and they often feel like they can’t win right, especially whether it’s having to execute on a strategy or on a decision that they don’t personally believe in, right? Sometimes they have to do that as part of leadership because it’s the right business strategy for the organization. Which

Heather Younger  18:32

can be hard, which can be hard, I teach a lot about when I talk about inclusion, I’m talking about using a voice of people and to help us drive strategy so that in most cases, or if you can over index on the listening or including voices in your decision making, those decisions are going to be way more grounded. Oh, and if the people that gave you the input were felt that they could be truthful in the process, even better, because that means, like when they’re giving the feedback, your strategies will be grounded in reality of the people who are actually serving the customer or serving each other, right, or serving the mission, yeah? And so, yeah, I think there’s just, like, there’s so much complexity in just what we do in the workforce, for the workforce, right?

Maria Ross  19:13

Yeah, absolutely. And it’s also about, you know, this is why inclusion, diversity, equity, all of that, the fuel that makes that run so you can get all the benefits out of different points of view that can help you make better business decisions is empathy. Because if I don’t have empathy, then I’m not going to value your life experience, I’m not going to value your perspective. I’m not going to value your point of view, because I’m still going to think that I’m right and my way is the right way, right but, and you’ve, I know you’ve been privy to the data and the research that shows that we do make better business decision when we have decisions, when we have more points of view looking at it, right? You’re looking at it from a different angle, and you’re saying, I see a risk you don’t see, or I see an opportunity you don’t see. And so it’s all goodness for the bottom line, you know, we talk about, you know. Why it’s not just, you know, you mentioned what in our pre call, why it’s not just a moral choice, but it’s a business strategy. So talk more about that, and maybe some stories from your work about companies proving the ROI of both self leadership and leading with

Heather Younger  20:15

care. Yeah, it’s so interesting because Gary Ridge, he was the CEO of the WD 40 company, and I can think of him as a strong self leader and a caring leader, for sure. So when he first took over, I want to say they were like 300 and something million in revenue, and something clicked in him where he realized the way that he was leading and that the leadership team was leading was first and foremost, just not the way he wanted to be led from a from kind of like a moral, human dignity, like prospect, connection, relationship perspective. But at the same time, he realized it wasn’t making great business sense to do what they did. They weren’t very human centric and more process focused. And so what he did, this is kind of a strong self leadership trait. He took it upon himself to go back to get us to get, like a master’s in leadership, or something like that. And he ended up being taught under Ken Blanchard, who is, like the one of the foremost people. And, you know, oh my gosh, I’m started down this road of leadership. And he said, like, I realized through all of my learnings that there was a better way that we needed to really meet people where they were at. We needed people to feel seen. We needed to elevate people. We needed to uplift. Like, his view of how to lead really changed, but he initially had to take it upon himself to say, I know what I don’t know, and it’s probably hurting us, right? And that’s the strong self leadership component of like, the self awareness of understanding. I got to go do something different. So he goes and does this, gets his masters, and then starts to go with his leadership team. Like, here are the things we’re going to do. Here’s going to be our new pillars. And within, I don’t know, with by the end of his time, I’ll say he served for like, 20 years as a CEO and I they, he left the company as like, a $3.5 billion market cap organization, and he truly believes it was what he would do. So he would do things like, as a CEO, even come down in the morning, greet people as they’re coming into the employee entrance, and like, tell him, like, have a great day. And he’s Australian, so he has this good day, and he has a certain accent and stuff, but he just take it upon himself to do the things that made people feel seen and valued and instrumental players on the team, and it was a huge ri for them. And then there’s a small, much smaller company. Daniel McCollum is a great leader, and he’s somebody who same kind of thing. His epiphany was like, I don’t think, I don’t think I’m looking at this leadership thing right. And again, it wasn’t like, here’s my strategy to have more money. It was, again, more about humanity, 100% I’m supposed to. Like, he was more mission. They felt like a mission. And he did tech consulting, so he ends up being, like one of the bigger Salesforce tech consulting kind of companies and around the world. And he started doing all these other things that were mission oriented. And he had all kinds of, like little minuets and stories of where it was a turnkey point for him, yeah, but when they made the decision, when he made decision to focus on helping people find their personal mission and the connection the work that was to be done at in the tech consulting firm. And when he really started to lean into that focus for people and individuals, same exact thing, they grew like leaps and bounds, still growing amazingly, because he this particular leader, decided to take on that different angle, made a conscious effort, and then made sure his leadership team follow along, and then they would do things, you know, to value, to evaluate, and then to value that for the leaders as they went along. So and as we said earlier, all you know, the leader has the leaders at the top. Have to get it, but it has got to be operationalized. It has to be proceduralized. It has to be, you know, what are the things you recognize? What are the things you penalize? What do you fire for? What do you hire for? You have to ask yourself those questions. That’s how you get to the bottom of how we change the culture to an empathy driven culture, to a caring, focused culture, to whatever those things are, right? It has to stop and start at the top, but it’s to be operationalized, for sure. These

Maria Ross  23:56

are great examples, because it’s also, you know, we’ve got to change the paradigm that any of this is coddling. We’re not coddling when we’re taking care, let’s be frank, when we take care of our assets, right? When we charge up our phones, when we, you know, invest in capital expenditures in a warehouse and make sure that we’re doing maintenance on our machines. We know what it means to take care of our assets and our employees our greatest asset. They’re our greatest competitive edge because of the innovation that we can unlock in their minds and their ability to creatively problem solve. And so taking care of your assets is not coddling. And again, it doesn’t mean you’re not making tough business decisions. It doesn’t mean you’re not holding people accountable, and it doesn’t mean you’re making decisions that everyone’s going to love and be happy with all the time. And that’s the thing. I work with a lot of leaders who, not only, you know, the ones that are skeptical about empathy, but the ones that over index on empathy to the point that they’ve now left empathy, and they’re they’re dipping into people pleasing. Yeah. And we’ve got to find that balance of you know to your point. And I believe this is why I love your work so much. So much of it starts with you. It starts with the internal game of you being grounded enough and secure enough and present enough that you can take on other points of view without defensiveness or fear, and you can only do that when you’re, you know, in your terminology, when you’re practicing self leadership.

Heather Younger  25:27

Yeah? So it’s an inside job. It’s an inside job 100% within like 80. Like I said, this is an evolution for me, yeah? Just so, just for those who are listening, it’s like, understand that. I think I’d always been talking about our choices. So, you know, her message was always like, we get to choose how we show up for others we get to but what I really wasn’t diving in nearly enough is how the choices that we get to make for ourselves, yeah, and it is so critical. And so when we talk about empathy for others, care for others, like, yes, it’s important. Again, that was like 80% of my body of work is there, yeah. And then I realized, wait a second, we got I’m going to do some backpedaling here, 100% because I don’t think I went deep enough to tell people, number one, how valued they are, how worthy they are as humans. Because if we have a lot of hurt, broken, scattered leaders in the world, and now they’re going to the workplace, and we’re saying, Go care for other people. Go show more empathy. Yeah, and we they haven’t even figured out how to do that for themselves. They don’t give themselves enough care. They don’t understand what their values and the strength their values. They don’t understand how to receive feedback in a way that helps them learn and grow. They don’t, you know, they don’t understand that grace and excellence and progress are more important to perfection. Like there’s just these are some of the components that are embedded in self leadership. But once we start to evaluate what those are, and we can, you know, lean into those and try to work to get better at them, because we’re not going to get perfect. I mean, this is the whole point. Here is that we’re all on a journey. We have choices. We’re going to make some bad ones. We got to we understand that we’re just on a journey of learning and growth, right? And people around us when we give ourselves grace, as much as we give other people that we are learning to be better, to do different things, and we give it to other people, and they see our change happening, they’re much more likely to do those same things and to buy into whatever kind of vision or journey we put forward for them, because they can see we’re people who are constantly in this learning, growing phase, open to feedback, open to change, and that means they’re going to be We’re just all we’re doing is showing them the way Exactly.

Maria Ross  27:24

And when you put the ego aside and you adopt that growth mindset, no matter what level in the organization you are, you’re not only doing it for yourself, and you know, don’t do it behind closed doors, like tell your team you’re working on your leadership skills, you’re improving. What an example to say you’re never done learning. And even though I’m the leader and I’ve got the title, I know I have more to learn as well. You are motivating everyone on your team to adopt that mindset, to not get so fixed in their mindset that at this point I know everything there is to know. That’s not how you get innovation, that’s not how you get creative problem solving. That’s not how you get new ideas that are going to lead the market. It’s that curiosity. And what I love about your work is it’s about showing curiosity in yourself, like getting curious and getting intentional. Yeah, why am I making this decision? Why do I believe this narrative? Why am I acting this way? What’s triggering me about this one situation or this one person, and getting curious about your responses so that you can respond rather than react

Heather Younger  28:25

to everything. So absolutely, I love it. Yeah, I love that. All right, let’s

Maria Ross  28:30

talk practical. Let’s talk about some actual ways that people can they improve their relationships, they can advocate for themselves, but also take ownership of their leadership style and their careers. I mean, I would keep you here another three hours if I could. But can you share some highlights? Can you share maybe yes, two or three of the things that come up over and over again for you and your clients,

Heather Younger  28:53

I would say the first thing is understanding the role that our values play in everything that we say yes or no to it’s critical. So when we think about projects that come across our desk, this became real for me when I had come out of a year was my busy speaking year, and I realized that I wasn’t home that much, and it was part of that conversation I had with my son, right? But I wasn’t home as much, and I have four kids, and I’m the only child, but I can’t. I do value being around for them, and I do value, you know, when I’m here, I do want to be more present. It’s not just being here. It’s about being like, present when I am with them, yeah. And so I realized, like, family was so important and integrity was important, but it wasn’t as important as I thought it was because media originally, right? Like, because of my actions. It was like, right? You can say integrity is your value, but what do your actions say? In comparison, you could say, family is a priority, but what do you do? And so I would say for people to do a values audit and to say, like, what are my top five values, and then start writing down and jotting down, what’s the evidence that those values are real or not just? Something I aspire to, right? And then where are the gaps? Because I feel like that self leadership process for me, I can’t even tell you how of a big wake up call it was for me. And I like, I remember going to this retreat. I’m going to the retreat, and I everybody else the retreat. They’re like, oh, and I want to have so much more business. And they’re like, writing all these things out about scaling and all these things. And I’m like, hell no excuse my French. Heck no, Maria, I am not trying to do like, more, yeah. I’m actually trying to maximize the current and make sure that I that family relationships, the things that really, truly are important, end up really elevating in this mix. And then I, then the world and my life just started to move in that direction. It really did, because I, because once those things my values became clear, I would say no to a whole bunch more, and I also wouldn’t fight for things that I knew that weren’t really the thing I wanted, right? It’s very this is like, this is it’s critical and it’s hard critical, yeah, it’s really hard work. It’s hard work to say no, but it’s like, then, once you’re in a situation where your boss, a team member, a project, something, whatever it has happened, where you’re faced with, do I do this? Do I do this? Just to show that I’m doing this, do I do this? Then you can say, you know, no. And actually you could sleep well, and you can feel good. And the other thing is, one of the things I talk about is like, oh my gosh, the thing that happens with all of us, with the comparison, holy smokes. Like we just, if we could just get off social media, I think then it would all go away. It’d be much better. Yes, right? And so, but what would happen is, once I started going through this values exercise, now, when I would see, so I’m a speaker, and once I would see, like, all these people are speaking, and they’re so busy, and I’d be like, Oh my gosh, I’m a failure. Like, this is what was happening in my brain. This Is What Happens all of us, depending on what you’re wherever you’re tracking whatever it is.

Maria Ross  31:44

And leaders are the worst too, because leaders are in that Echelon where they’re comparing against other leaders. And totally, yeah, yeah.

Heather Younger  31:50

Which projects are they on? And how many, like, whatever, have you hired 25 more people to scale this thing like, this is the thing that’s always happening. We’re watching from afar. And so I was watching, and then when I made, when I kind of decided based upon the values and the priorities that I had. Now, I could look at other people and be like, good for them, yeah, and not be like, and I want that. I’d be like, hey, and I would celebrate them more, and I would find myself like sending them voice notes, like congratulate, and just really feeling good for them because they were doing whatever their wheelhouse was or whatever, and I was in mine, and now I could live in my own brilliance. And when I did that, my team would be like, Oh my gosh. Like, she’s really elevated. Like, this is her, and I love this, and now I’m inspired to do this too, right? So now I’m leading in an entirely different way, right? Right, right? So I think that values is a big one. The other thing is, the role of feedback, giving and receiving feedback, 100% is so critical. Like, you know, I remember when I got my first 360 feedback. Here it was. The funny thing is, like, it was from my manager perspective. He had, I think, six or seven direct reports, and I was the best of all of them. And I was still, like, an F so, like, we all were F spotted, like an F plus, it’s just gay, right? And I see the feedback, he was a whole nother specimen, let’s say, but when I see the feedback, it was him. And I see colleagues, I see people and I and the whole time I’m like, Oh my gosh. Like, who said that? I wonder, because this manager, anybody else, right? Who said that? Right? And then I sold for three months. And then, like, I want to say, like, at one point, I pick it up again, in three months, I look at it, and I’m like, Okay, I could take this in now, yeah, take it in. Take it how much of this do I want to actually take it in and, like, operationalize inside my own gut? Like, if I am, do I want to change things right? Right? Or how many things I just need to throw away? Because really, do they even know what right? And so I had to start to evaluate what it was that was being said, and then take those truths, there were some truths there, and then act upon those truths, right? And so feedback has has been, and will continue to be, I think, the greatest thing that leaders can give. And then, of course, you know, to receive and then give to others, yes. And in a way, that’s not over coddling, you know, feedback

Maria Ross  34:02

and isn’t vague, you know, like this is the thing. One of my pillars is clarity, because it’s not just kind it’s empathetic. When you help people understand where they stand. So you know, you’re doing a great job. Is great to hear, but what exactly are they doing, or you’re missing the mark? Okay, where exactly am I missing the mark? How can I improve upon that? So we’ve got to bring that clarity into the feedback. But I love what you’re saying, because I’ve often talked about one of the markers of being able to strengthen your empathy as a leader, as a human, is to be able to accept feedback as a gift, and when you look at it not as a threat to you, but as a perspective that someone’s bringing when you can show empathy and grace to that of of more like curiosity, like wow, Heather, I didn’t know you saw that in me. Tell me more about that. Why do you think that I didn’t care about the project? Why did you think that if I can be in a place where I can stand strong enough to take. That feedback on, then I can improve, then I can then I can act on it right? And I it’s free market research, like just accepted, whether it’s from, you know, and I’ve come from a brand strategy background, not everybody that this is your brand or your company is a hater or a troll. They might actually have something valuable to say. And so again, it’s putting ego aside and saying, What can I learn from this? What is this person trying to tell me, especially if you see a trend, right, especially if there’s not just one person saying that, but yeah, multiple people, it’s like, okay, not everybody can be wrong.

Heather Younger  35:36

So trending and take a look. Say this to me recently, because I tend to take in feedback. And I because listening is the foundation of, like, pretty much all of my work, listening to me, listening to others, it’s the foundation. It really is the crux, like it is extremely valuable understand how to be curious and listen and present and all those things, right? And so as I’m thinking about listening, then that means I’m listening to other people, and I’m a little bit of a OCD about receiving feedback. So I asked for feedback a lot. I get feedback. I just think it’s extremely, extremely important, right? But one person, a couple people, lately have been saying, Well, you know, I get you, but be careful. Like, be careful who it is you’re receiving the feedback from, and how much you are internalizing it, right? And so that one’s helped me yet again, like, at a different layer, yeah, understand. So from a self leadership perspective, yes, feedback is critical. Contemplating a rec, you know, just thinking about who it is that you’re receiving it from, and how much should some be weighted versus the others, right? This is all work that we have to do. We have to do this work as leaders, whether we are leaders in our family, our community at work, it’s not about title in this regard. No, yes, those who have title have authority. And so oftentimes I’m speaking audiences of people who have authority, but I’m also speaking people who don’t have that formal authority, but they should still be learning to lead themselves better. Yeah, yeah. Somebody’s looking to you for guidance. Somebody is somebody’s looking at you. You have, yeah,

Maria Ross  36:59

you have a sphere of influence, whether it’s peer to peer, whether it’s you know, it again, it’s not about that title, and that is such a short term perspective on getting compliance right. Getting compliance from your team is not necessarily getting the best from them. You might be able to do that because of your title. You might be able to make them follow you because they report to you, but the goal is to get them to want to follow you. That’s where you get you crack open the best work from people when they actually want to be there. They’re actually motivated, whether they’re motivated because they don’t want to let you down, whether they’re motivated because you give them opportunity, whether they’re motivated simply because you see here and value them, that’s where you’re going to get the best results. And you know, you and I both talk about the ROI of all of this, and sometimes you have to be a little crass and say, hey, you know, leader, do you want to make your bonus? Do you want to get your bonus this quarter? Here’s one way to do it, empower and care about your team that will actually help you get your bonus, and then when you do it and you achieve the results, you’ll realize that that’s actually a much better way to operate, because that carrot that you know the stick isn’t always it’s very short term. You can get people to comply with command and control, but even military leaders I’ve spoken to on this show will say the military actually thrives on empathetic leadership, because you’re asking people to lay down their life for you. Totally. So yes, command and control works in a crisis, but if you are leading 24/7 with command and control, you are grinding people down.

Heather Younger  38:36

So true. I’ve done the same thing. I’ve been speaking to a couple of military folks, and I one of the things that’s really hit me is, is how much they rely on the caring leadership principles I teach. It’s actually tough. And I was like, wait to say, wait what? Because, you know, you’re not expecting it. No, I did it. I was like, and what now, because everybody always uses it as this, like command and control, and it’s not the way to lead. And I’m like, Well, what I’m hearing from these people who are in it for 20 years, for 20 years is, yeah, that’s not exactly all

Maria Ross  39:04

true, right, right? And they’re used, you know, a lot of leaders in business are using these military leaders or figures or quotes, and it’s like, you’re taking that out of context.

Heather Younger  39:15

Yes, that’s so true. Yeah.

Maria Ross  39:19

It’s like, well, or like even, you know, I talk about elite coaches, sports coaches in my book, and I tell the story of Steve Kerr who’s created a championship NBA dynasty with the Golden State Warriors, my favorite team, but he didn’t do it through command and control. He actually says one of his core values is empathy, and I’ve got to get to know everyone on my team and what makes what motivates them, what makes them tick, and I have to adapt my coaching style to what those players need to be, the best versions of themselves. It’s not about do it my way or the highway. It’s about I’m here to serve you and enable you to be the best team you can be. And. Right? He’s winning championships with that philosophy, right? So it’s like, I think someone you know who runs an accounting firm or who’s a consultant or who works for a software company can probably apply those lessons too well. This has been delightful. I want to spend way more time with you, but unfortunately, we’re out of time, so we will have all the links in the show notes for you and your work and your book, again, the art of self leadership, discover the power within you and learn to lead yourself. But for anyone who’s listening to us on the go, where’s kind of the one best place they can find out more about you and your work,

Heather Younger  40:34

I’d say LinkedIn, yeah, you just go to Heather younger you’ll find me there, and that’s probably the better place just you’ll because I’m just always there. So, yeah,

Maria Ross  40:41

yeah, absolutely. And I will give my PSA I do for all my guests that mentioned LinkedIn is, if you’re going to connect, send a note. So Heather knows you heard her on the podcast and you’re not trying to sell her something, please. Yes, thank you, or just follow you right. There you go. Yes. Well, Heather, this has been wonderful. I wish you the best, and I hope we can stay connected Absolutely.

Heather Younger  41:05

Thank you, Maria for having me. It’s been amazing. And thank you everyone

Maria Ross  41:09

for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do, rate, review and share with a friend or colleague. And until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive, stay well and be kind. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place. You.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Sharon Steed: Empathy in Communication and AI

Many leaders come to empathy in their style and communication based on their own challenges. Today’s guest shares how vulnerably sharing her story led her down the path of teaching and training on empathy, and how you can boldly leverage vulnerability as an asset in your communication, leading to stronger connections and better results.

Sharon Steed is a keynote speaker, author, and empathy expert specializing in communication and collaboration. As the founder of Communilogue, she helps organizations build more inclusive, connected teams through the power of vulnerability and empathy. A stutterer since childhood, Sharon uses her personal experience to illustrate how embracing discomfort fosters growth. She has worked with Fortune 500 companies, tech leaders, and global organizations, delivering impactful talks and workshops. Sharon is also a LinkedIn Learning Instructor with multiple courses on empathy. She hosts a weekly live podcast on LinkedIn and YouTube on empathy in the age of AI called Empathy In Automation. Her work empowers professionals to lead with authenticity and compassion. 

Sharon shares her powerful story and discusses how to be vulnerable and communicate with empathy in productive ways—ways that influence and ignite your team, customers, and other stakeholders. We also had an interesting discussion about the intersection of empathy and AI and how to keep humanity in a tech-driven world.

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Listen in for…

  • Why curiosity is an empathetic power.
  • What it means to communicate with empathy and how to overcome communication barriers.
  • The power of setting your conversational intentions out loud.
  • The importance of empathy in the age of AI. 

“Everybody swears that they are terrible at communicating. And (I say), well, no, every single time you enter a room, you are communicating.” —  Sharon Steed

Episode References: 

About Sharon Steed, Speaker and Founder, Communilogue:

Sharon Steed is a keynote speaker, author, and empathy expert specializing in communication and collaboration. As the founder of Communilogue, she helps organizations build more inclusive, connected teams through the power of vulnerability and empathy. A stutterer since childhood, Sharon uses her personal experience to illustrate how embracing discomfort fosters growth. She has worked with Fortune 500 companies, tech leaders, and global organizations, delivering impactful talks and workshops. Sharon is also a LinkedIn Learning instructor, with courses on Communicating with Empathy and Driving Inclusion with Empathy; she hosts a weekly live podcast on LinkedIn and YouTube on empathy in the age of AI called Empathy In Automation. Her work empowers professionals to lead with authenticity and compassion. 

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Connect with Sharon:

Communilogue: communilogue.co

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/sharon-steed

LinkedIn Learning Course: Communicating With Empathy

YouTube: Empathy in Automation

LinkedIn Newsletter: linkedin.com/newsletters/7107818443042656256/

Connect with Maria:

Get Maria’s books on empathy: Red-Slice.com/books

Learn more about Maria’s work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take the LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. Many leaders come to empathy in their style and communication based on their own challenges. Today’s guest shares how her vulnerably sharing her story led her down the path of teaching and training on empathy and how you can boldly leverage vulnerability as an asset in your communication, leading to stronger connections and better results. I’ve been wanting to get today’s guest on the podcast for a while. Sharon steed is a keynote speaker, author and empathy expert, specializing in communication and collaboration. As the founder of communi log, she helps organizations build more inclusive, connected teams through the power of vulnerability and empathy. A stutterer since childhood, Sharon uses her personal experience to illustrate how embracing discomfort fosters growth. She’s worked with Fortune 500 companies, tech leaders and global organizations delivering impactful talks and workshops. Sharon’s also a LinkedIn learning instructor like me, with courses on communicating with empathy and driving inclusion with empathy. She hosts a weekly live podcast on LinkedIn and YouTube on empathy in the age of AI called empathy in automation. And her work empowers professionals to lead with authenticity and compassion. Today, Sharon shares her powerful story and talks about how to be vulnerable and communicate with empathy in productive ways, ways that influence and ignite your team, customers and other stakeholders. We also have an interesting discussion about the intersection of empathy and AI and how to keep humanity in a tech driven world, a great conversation. I am so excited to present to you today. Take a listen. Welcome Sharon steed to the empathy edge podcast. This has been such a long time in the planning to have a conversation with you about your wonderful work, empathy and communication, empathy in the age of AI, all of this great stuff. So welcome to the show.

Sharon Steed  02:52

Yeah, I am so happy to be here and have this conversation today. I

Maria Ross  02:56

know. I know, and I don’t even know how we originally got connected. I think it was through a conference or something that we were both on years ago, maybe a virtual conference? Yeah? Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. That makes sense. I know it’s like that sounds right. How we’re connecting with people, and meeting with people is so different than it was like a decade ago. So so tell us a little bit about your story before we kick off into this topic of vulnerability and empathy and communication and empathy in the age of AI, before we go there, what got you into the empathy world?

Sharon Steed  03:28

So I have a little bit of an unusual background. I’m a person who stutters, and I had sort of come to this point in my life when I was so afraid of just like talking to people like that, I was beginning to, like avoid conversations entirely, right? And so I had gone through like, all of my youth and all of schooling and college, and I was able to sort of just skate by on, like avoiding some conversations and like only, like including myself in things where I felt more comfortable and confident speaking. But then, you know, you graduate from college, and then you get out into the workforce, and all of a sudden, you know, I have to be able to, you know, confidently speak about all of the things that I’m capable of and the things that I want to do and to accomplish. Well, I was so intimidated, like, by this whole idea of just like, having to talk to people, that I was sort of avoiding a lot of situations where I was going to have to talk to people, right? And so I remember, like, attempting to go to like events, to, you know, connect with people, to network. And I would just be so terrified that, like, I would be, like, in the corner and like, I’m not going to. Able to say my name and like stuff, and so, yeah, I was talking to a speech therapist like that I was seeing at the time, and she suggested that I try public speaking. So I said, Yeah, okay, cool.

Maria Ross  05:16

Well, I was like, did you really say yeah, okay, cool.

Sharon Steed  05:20

But yeah, I was like, we’re, you are completely bananas. There’s no way I can do this. I’ve avoided having to do this my entire life. And you want me to get in front of a room full of people and talk like you’re what? No, absolutely not. But then, you know, it sort of like came around to this whole like, idea of like, okay, like, if I am afraid of something, I think the only way that I’m going to be able to really, like, conquer this fear is if I just pace it in the most, you know, over the top way possible, right? So I thought, like, I’m just going to give one or two talks, and I’ll be cured, and I’ll never be afraid that, obviously, is not what happened, right? However, what did happen was a lot of people began to really come up to me and say, hey, you know, I really appreciate you talking about vulnerability and empathy. And I thought that was really interesting, because, like, I don’t even think I said the word empathy in my talks, but I think it just came through. And so after hearing that several times, I decided to just explore this concept and really research this topic, and sort of create content around insecurity and vulnerability, and like how those things can help us be better connectors, and how they can help us to be a little bit more understanding, a little Bit more empathetic at work specifically,

Maria Ross  07:01

wow. And I’m curious if, like specifically diving into empathy. And the answer can be No, I’m just curious, is it because you felt sometimes that people weren’t being empathetic with you, or even just seeing people not be empathetic with anyone who’s different, or anyone who might have an issue? Like, was that part of it of diving deeper into empathy, or was it did that just come through from the responses that you were getting to what you were talking about? So I

Sharon Steed  07:29

think it was twofold, right? Yes, like it came from what a lot of people were like coming up to me and saying, but also I am an incredibly sensitive person. Like, I feel things very deeply, and I feel like I’ve always sort of viewed situations and like viewed other people and like how they are going to feel in a specific situation, and I’ve always related it back to like, how it would make me feel. And I think a part of that is like being a person who stutters, I, you know, always like, wanted to talk to people like, but I didn’t want to be like, the center of the conversation, and so I was always asking follow up questions as a way to, like, sort of continue to like be in the conversation, like, but to avoid talking. And so I spent a really long time just being, like, really curious about other people and just like constantly, like trying to find questions that I could like pose to them. And I think that as a result of just like always asking questions, I was able to better see, you know, how like people think, how they like come to the feelings like that they have. And that combined with just being like a very sensitive person, yeah, just really, you know, just lament itself, yeah, you me eventually talking about being empathetic, yeah, yeah.

Maria Ross  09:15

And we both know Curiosity is the number one trait of empathic people. And so just, and I love that, because you know that concept of, like, when I do this too, where if I don’t want to talk, or I’m feeling like my tank is low, I’ll tend to ask more questions, or if I’m uncomfortable in the situation, because then it gets the other person talking, and the focus is off me, and then they’re like, that was the best conversation I’ve ever had, because they’re talking about themselves the whole time. That’s the trick, right? Okay, so let’s talk a little bit about communicating with empathy. So that is what you train on. That’s what you speak on, is helping people understand how to communicate and get their point across. And you know, like with my work, as you know, with leaders, is helping them still hold people. Accountable. Still have performance expectations, but communicate with empathy so that they can actually accomplish more, and they can actually optimize their people for peak performance. So I would love to hear what your definition of communicating with empathy is, and what do you see as the reasons why some people are unable to communicate with empathy.

Sharon Steed  10:22

Well, so like, off the bat, I feel like every time we are opening our mouths to, like, have a conversation with someone, we are actually, you know, engaging in an act of incredible empathy, and we probably don’t even know, right? Like, if we are in a conversation and there’s, you know, like us and another person, like, just the act of listening to them is supposed to be an incredibly empathetic act, right? And so, you know, when we are listening to people, our goal there is to really just understand where they are coming from and to just hit another perspective, right, like that’s the entire point of listening and like those two things are really foundational communication and empathy principles. And so, you know, I describe communicating with empathy as putting understanding and perspective at the center of every single conversation. And you know, we spend a lot of our lives communicating, right, having conversations, like talking to people, and as a person who spent, you know, her entire life being so concerned about, you know, how I’m communicating, you know, I was really able to sort of focus on, you know, how do we continue to really impress upon teams and companies that when we speak, we should always be coming from a place of, you know, yes, I Want to get my point across however, you know, I want to really understand where you are coming from as well, because it’s going to help us, you know, one, create better products, and two, just be a lot better at collaborating as well.

Maria Ross  12:38

And so, what do you when you’re working with teams or people? What are some of the biggest barriers they have to communicating with empathy?

Sharon Steed  12:44

I think that the biggest thing that I’ve seen, and I constantly hear this, is that people are just very intimidated, like, by this concept of communication. I don’t know if you have seen this as well, like, where everybody swears that they are terrible at communicating. And I’m like, Well, no, every single time you, like, enter a room, you are communicating, right? Yeah,

Maria Ross  13:12

whether you’ve opened your mouth or not, yeah, exactly.

Sharon Steed  13:15

And so I think that, like, I think that a part of the reason, like my talks are so effective is because, like people you know, see that, like I do, have a physical, you know, challenge with communicating. However, I am still articulate, and people can, you know, really connect with, you know, like my content and like the things that I’m trying to get across and so, you know, like I am attempting to show people like that, even if you think you are terrible at communication, you know, you’re not. Because if you are able to, like, go into a conversation, you know, you speak, the other person speaks, and you can come to some sort of positive conclusion where you can both and Co Op, and you know, like, do the things that you have to do as a result of that conversation, then you are a good communicator. And so the biggest you know thing that I have to sort of convince people of is that you are not bad at communicating, right? And then the other challenge is just explaining what empathy you know should be in terms of behaviors, right? Like empathy? Is this really cool concept? However, a lot of people don’t really like completely understand, how can we go into a conversation and focus on being empathetic? And so those are the two things that I really sort of um. And hone in on when I’m giving a talk, right?

Maria Ross  15:05

Yeah. And so when you’re working with it’s funny, because you’re talking about these leaders who don’t think they’re good communicators, and yet, there’s lots of leaders who think they’re great communicators, and they’re not empathetic at all, right? And it’s almost that I always talk about, ego kills empathy because it your self awareness is not there, and you’re not aware of what you’re bringing to the table. You’re not aware of what you’re bringing into the interaction and how it might be impacting somebody else. And it’s only when you’re willing to see how something impacts someone else that you start to change your communication right? For some people, whether it’s modulating your speed or your tone, whether it’s these people need a little bit more direction and guidance and these people need a little bit more. Just give me the bottom line. Tell me what to do, right? That’s actually communicating with empathy. When you adjust and adapt to the person that you’re talking to, it’s not, I always say, it’s not just crying on the floor with your employees. Empathy shows up in these ways that we actually do without thinking sometimes, if we’re interested in effective communication, I should say, right? Oh, yeah for sure. But what about the people who are trying, who are communicating and saying, Well, I and there’s research that bears this out, there’s a lot of executives who go, well, empathy has no place in the workplace, which boggles my mind, because empathy has a place whenever humans are interacting with other humans. But how do you work with clients like that, who are saying, you know, this isn’t the time or place for empathy.

Sharon Steed  16:29

You know what I I always have to begin, like with, how is this going to make you money, right? Like the ROI of empathy? Yes, exactly, right. And so, you know, a thing that, like, I explained to people is that, like, if you are beginning a company, or if you are creating a product, right, you are doing that because, like, there is some sort of cap in the current consumer marketplace like that requires your product to be created, your product or your service. And so you know, when you are creating this product or you are creating this service, you are thinking about, okay, like, what does my ideal customer. Why would they use this product? How are they going to use this product? How can I get this product in front of them? Like, so it can improve your life, right? So you are going to do like, a lot of testing, right? You are going to talk to your customers. You are going to like listen to their stories, and you are going to have conversations around the reasons why you know they are going to use this product, how it’s going to benefit their life and these situations, you know, where specifically they are going to, like, insert that product into their like, day to day experience, all of those things I have described are 100% empathy, right? And so imagine would sort of transpire if you, like, had that same approach on your teams in internally, right, like, if you have a co worker, or if you have a direct report having a hard time, right, like they feel uncomfortable sharing their ideas or or their opinions, or they’re just struggling to really keep up with their teammates. Well, what is their experience on this team, you know, like, in a day to day basis, you know, how are they approaching their work? Like, what steps are they taking? And, you know, why are those steps, you know, like, not effective in, like, either productivity or communication or, like, good collaboration. So, you know, anytime a company comes to me and says, Hey, like, I don’t see why this is important. Well, you know, you, you know, used empathy to create this company in the first place, and you are going to have to have empathy in order to keep your employees in, you know, your company, and to continue to, you know, create, like, good, effective products. And so, yeah. Mean, it really is a, you know, you have to hold up a mirror and say, hey, yeah, why are you here? Okay, all those reasons why you are here are the same reasons why you need to focus on your internal operations as well as your external operations,

Maria Ross  20:21

right, right? Yeah. I mean, I talk a lot with my clients about the business case of empathy and giving them the data and giving them the research that shows how it boosts innovation and engagement and performance and collaboration and then the external benefits of being an edge in the market. You know, the bar is so low when it comes to customer service that when you treat people with empathy, and you’re only able to treat your customers with empathy if your employees are being treated with empathy, otherwise, they’re operating in fear and anxiety and stress, and that’s never going to be a good experience that they’re going to share with your external customers. So I love that it’s about the business case. Yeah. So can you give us a little taste of some of the tips and some of the strategies that you share with your clients around how to communicate with empathy, especially if they’re struggling to tap into their own empathy, if they struggle with connection, if they struggle with you know? And it could be a struggle based on neurodiversity, right? It could be a struggle based on just their own upbringing or where they come from. How do you what are some tips that you give them on how to better communicate with empathy?

Sharon Steed  21:27

Yeah, for sure. You know, I always begin with sort of the foundational things, right and like, the foundation of everything that you know we are going to be doing as people. It begins sort of internally, right?

Maria Ross  21:45

Starts at home. Gotta get your house in order, right?

Sharon Steed  21:48

Absolutely, in order to do that, you you know first are going to have to be incredibly patient, right? And I think that we sort of view conversations especially as like, Okay, I’m coming into this conversation, I’m going to talk and then I’m going to wait for my turn to talk again, and then I’m going to talk again, right, right? And that is the that’s not helping anybody, right? Like, the entire point of communication and having a conversation is to, you know, get perspective on, you know, another person’s experiences or just another person’s opinion, right? And so, like, I like to say, you know, you can make your world larger by making another person’s world better, right? And so you create, you know, a good experience for another person, like by just listening to you know their stories and their vulnerabilities and the the things that you know, like they have experienced. And it’s impossible to do that if we don’t first focus on again, being patient. And so, how do we be patient, right? And so, you know, I have to break these things down in a way, like, where it’s you know, how do we turn these, like, really great concepts into like, yeah, into like, things that you can, you know, physically do right. And so like being patient just kind of comes down to stopping right. Like we live in a world where we are constantly being sort of bombarded with a ton of content all the time, right? There is social media, there are text messages, there’s a 24 hour news cycle. There are tons of things that we are like constantly consuming. And so it can be very difficult to just, like, stop and to give this person in front of you your entire attention, right? And so, yeah, I mean, like, we just focus on, like, okay, like, you know you are going to have to pause, and I know that it’s really hard, but pause and just focus on this person in front of you, and then another thing that I like to talk about in patients is the physical act of listening. You know, we are in these conversations a lot. Of times, if we are listening to another person, you know, we are sort of trying to, you know, hear what they like have to say, so we can sort of pass a little bit of judgment on it, and it isn’t on purpose, right? Just you know when we, you know, are talking to people and like, their words go into our brains. It sort of like, goes through a filter of, like, our own opinion. And so when we are listening people we should be focused on, you know, how do I keep my assumptions and my biases and my opinions as low as possible. And so like that could mean like, Hey, could you repeat what you said? So, like, I can get clarity. Or it could mean like, hey, so I heard you say, you know, like a, b and c, yeah.

Maria Ross  26:20

Yeah. Can I get that right? Reflective, listening is so key, and I love what you’re saying. Like, just to jump in here, I love what you’re saying because it’s this idea. I’m going to put a link in the show notes to another episode that I did with Dr Chris Johnson, where she talked about the power of the pause. I don’t know if you’re familiar with her work, but her work is great, and she talks about both, like physically and mentally, the things you can do to kind of make yourself take the pause like it’s deep breathing. It’s like clarifying what you you know, taking a second to reflect back what you heard before you launch into whatever you think you’re going to launch into. And it’s just that concept of listening to understand and build your own knowledge versus listening to talk to what you’re what you were describing earlier. And I know I, I struggle with it too, right? And I’m, I’m interviewing people all the time, and I’m talking all the time, but it’s amazing when you just get rid of the stuff in your own head and you’re able to say, like, right now, I am going to be present with this person, and I want, and my intention is to hear what they have to say so I can learn something from it, just even, like, out loud, setting that intention for yourself, maybe before you go into a meeting, or before you go into even a contentious conversation. Like, let me take some time to figure out what that other person’s perspective and context is before I go in guns blazing with you know, here’s why I’m right and you’re wrong, and we can just tell ourselves that I know someone who always tells me there’s power in saying it out loud, like it’s almost as a mantra. If you say it out loud and you hear yourself saying, like, I’m going to go into this conversation to understand, not just to talk about my opinion. Just saying that out loud is really powerful, because your ears hear it, and then you’re able to, sort of like, use that as a grounding for yourself. Of this is, you know, or I need to stay present in this conversation, and it’s okay to say it out loud. So, yeah. So, yeah, you know what?

Sharon Steed  28:25

I think that, like, you know, it’s so easy to just, like, go into conversations with this whole like, you know, one I want to get my point across. And, like, I want to make sure that this other person, like, really gets everything that I’m trying to say right and how, but I mean, like, that’s sort of how we view effective communication, is how we speak, how we present, and I think that a part of The reason why a lot of people resonate with this sort of talks that I give is because I sort of, like, turn that on its head, right? Like, I talk about how, like, I spent a lot of time, you know, being so concerned about how I sound and how I feel and how uncomfortable I was, but I really didn’t get to, like, properly and sincerely connect with a lot of people that I was having conversations with. And so, yeah, you know, it is so important to sort of go into these conversations from a, you know, you and me perspective, and not a perspective.

Maria Ross  29:47

I love that. Okay, let’s switch gears a little bit, because I know this has been a hot topic. I’ve been out talking about, you’ve been out talking about, and that is empathy and AI, and I know you have a LinkedIn course. I. Not only do you have a LinkedIn course about, you know, communicating with empathy, but one about empathy in the age of AI, and I’ve waxed poetic on that, but I would love to hear your perspective on the role of empathy in the age of AI. And do we need it? Do we not is it more important? Is it less important? Talk to us about your perspectives on that?

Sharon Steed  30:21

Well, one, it is more important. So like, let’s get back that was

Maria Ross  30:25

a leading question. Yeah,

Sharon Steed  30:28

empathy in this very highly, highly technical age, and I have had a ton of conversations about this with people from a lot of different industries and the over what overwhelming sort of feeling is that, like you know, these technologies, these programs, these softwares, are only going to get better, right? And so you know, a lot of the things that you know we, you know, have had to do in in the past, you know, we aren’t going to have to do those things anymore. And yes, you know, AI is going to take a lot of things away. However, it’s also going to give us a lot more space and a lot more capacity to really connect with other people, you know. And so when I’m having these conversations, I’m always sort of blown away by how, you know, almost every single person is like, no, no. We need to focus on, you know, being human centered in this, you know, tech obsessed world, and, you know, AI is going to give us an incredible opportunity to just focus on, how can we, you know, build stronger, re relationships. How can we get more perspective? How can you know, hear more stories? You know, I think that you know, there is, for sure, a place of poor empathy. Age of AI has everything that you know we are doing, you know, is going to continue to be, you know, done and used and created and scaled by people. So as long as we as people are involved in all of these processes, we’re going to have to really focus on being empathetic. Yeah, I always know what you think about this.

Maria Ross  32:43

Well, yeah. I mean, I love this, because my feeling is, when AI takes over the tasks that many leaders have relied on to keep themselves relevant and busy, all we’re left with is leaders that are really good at their human connection skills. That’s where they’re going to add the most value. And those leaders that have hidden behind the doing and not the leading, and not the people, part of the leading will have nowhere to hide, yeah, because we’re taking away the thing that keeps them, you know, behind their desk and not interacting with their people. And so I, in my view, and maybe, you know, I know it’s a little biased because of the work I do, but that emotional intelligence and that empathy as a skill for a leader is going to be even more important, because that’s the thing it can’t replicate. And if you’ve been hiding behind the doing as a leader and not the being as a leader and the connecting as a leader, you’re going to need to upskill like now.

Sharon Steed  33:40

Oh, yeah, for sure. And then I think that also, you know, this is going to force companies to really, you know, like, put their people first. I was talking to one of my tech friends who is a software developer, and he was saying, like, you know, I don’t want AI to, like, have me be 10x productive. I want AI to give me, like, a four day work week. I want AI to, like, do a lot of the works so, like, I can, like, go home at 5pm right? And take my kids to soccer, right? And so, you know, as we get, like, just, like, incredibly, you know, like, tech obsessed, and, yeah, automating things away. You know, I think that a lot of companies are going to have to figure out, like, okay, like, what is the balance of I want you to be as productive as possible. However you are a person, and like, all of the top talent is like, Look, I know what AI can do, so you’re going to have to give me a little bit more here. Yeah, I can just go to another company, like, that’s going to respect like that. Yeah, you know, I. I know exactly what AI is capable of. I know what I’m capable of, and kind of have to give us a little bit more, right,

Maria Ross  35:07

right? Well, and they, you know, they’re finding that the sweet spot blend of really maximizing AI is AI combined with human intervention. And you’re still going to need domain experts. You’re still going to need people to populate the learning models you’re still going to need. And even when we’re talking, you know, I speak to a lot of founders on the show of empathic AI, or people that are in the field of empathic AI, and you can’t outsource something, you can’t program something that you yourself don’t understand, yeah, and you yourself haven’t mastered. So, you know, it’s about, and I’ll put a link to Michelle zhao’s interview. She’s the founder of Juji, which is a empathic AI solution. And she said, You know, it’s about having those people that can actually populate the technology and populate the learning models, and then there’s always still going to be a need for a human element. It can’t effectively. We’re not going to get all the efficiencies and all the benefits of it by just sort of outsourcing everything we’re not good at to it because it won’t know what to do with that. It’s sort of like outsourcing a process that you haven’t optimized yourself and now you’ve just put something that you’re not good at on somebody else. Yeah, it’s the same thing. So, so we need that ability to build our own capacity for empathy and our own capacity for connection in order to continue to refine and tailor AI to be the partner, the thought partner, the process partner, that we need. But it doesn’t give us an excuse to sort of check out 100% Yeah.

Sharon Steed  36:43

As long as people are at the center of, like, creating these products, which we probably are going to be for a while, at least, I would hope you know, we’re always going to have to, you know, have some capacity for that understanding and that perspective taking in order to continue to create these products, because consumers are people, and they are using your products as well. Absolutely, absolutely.

Maria Ross  37:09

So this has been such a great conversation. Sharon, thank you so much for your insights and for being with us today. I want to remind people that you’ve got your two LinkedIn courses communicating with empathy and the the one about empathy in the age of AI. So people can go check that out. We’ll put links to those in the show notes. We’ll have all your links in the show notes. But for people that are on the go, where’s the best place they can find out more about your work, you can definitely

Sharon Steed  37:35

just go head over to my LinkedIn. It’s just my name, I feel like I’m probably the first one that’s going to come to come in the search, yeah, yeah. And so yeah, I have a newsletter on there that I update one to two times a month, depending on how things are going. Yeah. On vulnerability in the workplace, and then I also do a LinkedIn live on empathy in automation, where we Wow talk about empathy in this very like tech Hocus worlds, and I usually do that three times a month. So yeah, all of that information is on there. Wonderful. Yeah, I would love to connect with all of the people and meet you. I

Maria Ross  38:33

love it. And as I always do with my PSAs is, if you connect with Sharon on LinkedIn, make sure you put a note that says you heard her on the podcast so she doesn’t think you’re trying to sell her something. Sharon, thank you so much for your time and for the work that you’re doing in the world. We so appreciate you.

Sharon Steed  38:49

Oh, thank you. I had an incredible time, and I loved our conversation.

Maria Ross  38:56

And thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please rate, review and share it with a friend or a colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathy edge calm. There. You can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice. Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Pass the Gratitude, Not the Gravy, to Drive Performance

In today’s Hot Take, Maria talks about gratitude as a practice and catalyst for empathy, collaboration, and well-being.

Listen in as Maria discusses gratitude as a leadership superpower, mental health booster, and cultural glue. She dives into what true gratitude means, why we should be expanding our circles of thanks, and gives us the science behind the strategy of gratitude with practical tips for your own life. Throughout, Maria acknowledges the complex history of Thanksgiving, emphasizing the importance of holding space for both its positive and negative aspects to deepen both our gratitude and our empathy.

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Listen in for…

  • Gratitude is the cultural glue to keep your team happy and thriving.
  • Recognizing the Thanksgiving paradox and inviting both sides of the conversation.
  • The science behind gratitude and how you can start practicing gratitude today to improve performance and well-being.

“Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring problems — it means facing them with perspective. It’s emotional range training, and emotional range is leadership power.” —  Maria Ross

Episode References: 

The Empathy Edge Podcast Episodes:

Studies and Data:

Keynote Speakers and Conference Trainers: Get your free Talkadot trial and enjoy this game-changer for your speaking business! www.share.talkadot.com/mariaross 

Connect with Maria:

Get Maria’s books on empathy: Red-Slice.com/books

Learn more about Maria’s work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take the LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

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Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Maria Ross  00:00

Maria. Hello friends. It’s Maria here for another hot take, episode of the empathy edge, and I am inviting you today to pull up a chair, pour a cup of something warm, or you can grab a fork, because, let’s be honest, this time of year, pie counts as breakfast, and let’s talk about gratitude, the kind that lands somewhere between the rustic, weird cornucopia of thanksgiving and the deeper, tougher truth beneath the tablecloth, if you’re in the US Happy Thanksgiving in advance, and if you’re elsewhere or not into the holiday hype, think of this as a gratitude season moment, because the practice transcends any one day on the calendar and on today’s episode, I wanted to dig into gratitude as a practice, as a leadership superpower, as a mental health booster, and also a Cultural glue that keeps our teams connected and thriving, because empathy Without gratitude, that’s like gravy without mashed potatoes. It might look fine, but something vital is missing. So before we dig in, let’s honor both sides of this complicated holiday. The truth is, the roots of Thanksgiving reveal deep harm and a lack of empathy toward indigenous peoples and the holidays. Mythology glosses over centuries of displacement and pain now remembering that doesn’t diminish gratitude. It deepens. It. Empathy means being able to hold the whole story the light and the shadow, so we can do better. Moving forward, remember both and and by the way, I’ll put a link to my episode from last year that talked a little bit more about this. So let’s talk first about the Thanksgiving paradox. Thanksgiving, on the one hand, it’s about pause, connection, reflection, and on the other it’s layered with that complicated history, and that’s okay, because, as I said, as empathetic leaders, we can hold that tension. We can say I’m thankful, while also saying I understand the harm this day represents true gratitude. Isn’t performative. It’s conscious. It’s informed. It invites awareness of privilege, of history, of community. So this season when you give thanks, maybe expand the circle. Be grateful for what you have, and mindful of who might have been left out of the story that’s both and Leadership in Action, honoring tradition while seeking truth. Now, you know, I love my data. Gratitude isn’t just a fluffy sentiment, it’s science backed strategy. Here’s a bit of that. Number one, it leads to happiness and well being. Research from Harvard shows gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. It helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences and build strong relationships. Two, it impacts for the good our mental and physical health. Studies show gratitude improves sleep quality, mood and immune function. Third, it has workplace impact. A culture of gratitude boosts trust, learning and collaboration, teams become more innovative and adaptive. And finally, gratitude helps with retention and performance, according to leadership expert, Dr Michelle Rosen, leaders who practice gratitude see higher team performance and retention, because people don’t just stay for paychecks. They stay where they feel appreciated, right? By the way, I’m going to have all these links in the show notes so you can dig into this data. And also, if you want more on this, you can check out my past episode with motivosity, we talked about how recognition and gratitude move company culture from check the box to truly human. That conversation is a great deep dive on how gratitude fuels motivation and connection at work. I’ll link that in the show notes as well, because it’s worth a listen this week. So okay, you get it right. Gratitude works. You’re on board. But how do we actually practice it beyond just saying thank you, right? It’s kind of like the book, Good night. Moon, you know? Thank you stars. Thank you sun, thank you car. That’s running right. Today. I used to read that book to my kid all the time when he was growing up. Anyway, how do we actually practice it, especially when our inboxes are imploding and maybe the cranberry sauce isn’t setting right? Who knows right? How do we practice gratitude? I know I need more of this, by the way, because I am a short fuse at times, and I really need to take a breath and. Practice gratitude. So here are some tips I found, and I need to practice what I preach. So I’m sharing them with you, and I invite you to practice them with me. Number one is to start small and daily, write down one thing you’re grateful for each morning, practicing gratitude, according to positive psychology, founder Martin Seligman rewires your brain for optimism and balance, and who doesn’t need more of that, especially this time of year. Second, be specific and authentic instead of thanks team for the great work. Try. I noticed how you stayed late to help with that client issue, and that mattered, that specificity, that clarity tells people they’re seen. Number three, build it into your systems and rituals. Kick off meetings with a quick gratitude round. Create a shout out Slack channel. Make it normal, not novel. Fourth model, it publicly. Some studies find that gratitude expressed by leaders, foster psychological safety and innovation. When you go first, others will follow and finally, use gratitude as emotional regulation. So when stress spikes or imposter syndrome whispers, ask yourself, what’s going well right now? That question grounds you in abundance instead of scarcity. I want to be really clear here, gratitude is not Pollyanna. It doesn’t mean ignoring problems. It means facing them with perspective. It’s emotional range. Training and emotional range is leadership power. Now here’s the connection. Gratitude expands empathy. This is what I talked about in my episode last year that I’m going to link for you. It softens judgment, it widens perspective, and it deepens connection. When you say I’m grateful for you, you’re not just being polite. You’re acknowledging humanity, which, of course, is the essence of empathy. Teams that feel appreciated become more generous with each other, more willing to collaborate, more invested in outcomes, because people feel seen. In my framework of five pillars that I presented in the empathy dilemma book, gratitude strengthens multiple pillars, self awareness, self care and joy, especially, it’s how we refill our tanks and extend empathy sustainably. Let’s be real. The world isn’t exactly thriving right now. There’s exhaustion, fear, polarization, disconnection. I feel it, you feel it. It’s everywhere. If we want a better world, we have to be better humans in our own spheres of influence. Gratitude helps us start there, with humility, with compassion and with the daily choice to notice what’s good and nurture it. So as I close out

Maria Ross  08:03

this season, and it’s because I won’t be doing a December hot take, I will be still offering you some amazing episodes coming up. I just want to leave you with two things, an invitation and a wish. First, here’s the invitation. I want you to do a gratitude sprint this week, here’s how I want you to pick one teammate or client or friend, and yes, I want you to do this at work and send them a specific note or email of appreciation. Try to be as clear as possible. Number two, you can keep a three things gratitude journal for seven days, one professional, maybe one personal, and maybe one, you know, tiny joy. I want you to be grateful for three things and start your day there and see how it changes the cadence and the tone of your day. And then finally, if you want accountability and a little fun, share your reflections on LinkedIn or Instagram with the hashtag empathy edge, and then tag me red slice Maria or red slice or Maria Ross. I’d love to celebrate your gratitude stories with you. So here’s the second thing, here’s the wish. I’m deeply grateful for you, and I’m also deeply grateful to you when I can flub my words and you meet me with grace and forgiveness. I’m grateful to you for showing up, for leading differently, for believing that empathy is not a weakness, it’s a winning strategy. You’re proving that success built on humanity lasts longer. And a little bit of a shameless plug, I’d also be so very grateful if you could leave your honest review of the empathy dilemma online at Amazon or Goodreads. Those reviews really matter. So thank you for taking some time in advance, and yes, may your turnkey be juicy your pie. Plentiful, and your family drama minimal, or at least entertaining enough for a good story later. And of course, whether you celebrate Thanksgiving, Diwali, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa or just the joy of a quiet Friday night, may your season be full of warmth, connection and presence, because that’s what we’re all craving. So take a nap, take a breath and take a moment to say thank you, because that’s where empathy starts and gratitude. Remember, keep listening. I’m not going away. We have more great guests coming up at you for the rest of this year. One of my favorite episodes, as I mentioned, is coming up in December. Now, I know calling it a favorite episode is like picking your favorite child, but this really was such a good one, and it’s a case study in how you can be profitable and successful by leading with empathy. So again, as for me and my solo hot takes, I’ll see you in the new year, friends, but you can, of course, always get on my email list for monthly musings. Just go to red, Dash slice.com/newsletter, and sign up. Keep choosing empathy, keep leading with heart, and keep building a world that works better because we feel better. Happy Thanksgiving and don’t forget to pass the pie. Take care and until next time, remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Dr. Abraham George: Creating Ripple Effects of Change Through Empathy in Action

What does it take to leave a high-powered career and change the world, one child at a time? And how can empathy fuel ripple effects of change, no matter your role in a company or society?

Dr. Abraham George is a social entrepreneur with a unique background. He shares his powerful journey and the life-changing moment when he almost died. Dr. George shares the blueprint for how any leader or entrepreneur can create real change and move beyond existing for-profit models, and the compounding power of helping or inspiring just 100 people who, in turn, help 100 more. We discuss lessons on how to build your leadership legacy, no matter where you sit.

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Listen in for…

  • The role education plays in lifting up economic equity and social justice
  • Understanding the impact you want to have on other people’s lives.
  • Different ways you can do good in the world and how you can have a bigger impact than you know now.
  • Creating the leadership legacy you want to leave behind.
  • The benefits of leading a corporation with a heart.

“The way to deal with social injustice is through economic opportunity for those people, and the way to get economic opportunity is through excellent education.” —  Dr. Abraham George

Episode References: 

About Dr. Abraham George

Abraham George is a social entrepreneur committed to providing opportunities and resources to the most underserved populations in India. Growing up in India, Dr. Abraham was painfully aware of the social injustices surrounding him. After working 22 years as a finance executive and Army veteran, Dr. Abraham returned to India to fulfill his promise of creating social change. He founded The George Foundation through which he runs several projects. 

One such project is Shanti Bhavan, a school educating children from India’s poorest communities. Over the past 27 years, they have transformed the lives of over 15,000 people. By empowering marginalized children, they create opportunities to break the cycle of poverty. 

The 2017 Netflix documentary Daughters of Destiny centers on Shanti Bhavan’s efforts to educate and empower girls.

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Connect with Dr. Abraham George:

Dr. Abraham George Foundation: drabrahamgeorge.com

Shanti Bhavan: shantibhavanchildren.org 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/abraham-george-519315274 

Facebook: facebook.com/dr.abrahamgeorge?mibextid=LQQJ4d 

Instagram: instagram.com/dr_abraham_george?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y%3D 

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FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Maria Ross  00:04

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. What does it take to leave a high powered career and change the world one child at a time? And how can empathy fuel ripple effects of change, no matter your role in a company or society today, I’m joined by Dr Abraham George a social entrepreneur with a unique background growing up in India, Dr George was painfully aware of the social injustices surrounding him. After working 22 years as a finance executive and Army veteran, he eventually returned to India to fulfill his promise of creating social change. He founded the George Foundation and the remarkable Shanti Bhavan school, which empowers children from India’s poorest communities to break the cycle of poverty through education, featured in the Netflix documentary Daughters of destiny, Dr George shares how empathy fueled a mission that has transformed more than 15,000 lives, and how you too, can make a bigger impact than you think. And he also has a book coming out by the end of 2025 called mountains to cross today. Dr George shares his powerful journey and the life changing moment when he almost died. He shares the blueprint for how any leader or entrepreneur can create real change and move beyond just existing for profit and the compounding power of helping or inspiring just 100 people who help 100 more lessons on how to build your leadership legacy, no matter where you sit, such an inspiring story to help you do Good while still doing well. Take a listen. I’m delighted to welcome Dr Abraham George to the empathy edge podcast. Dr George, welcome. I am so excited for you to share your story and your important work and helping our listeners understand that they can create a ripple effect of impact and change no matter where they sit within their organizations. So welcome

Dr. Abraham George  02:42

to the show. Thank you, Maria. I look forward to our conversation, and

Maria Ross  02:47

so let’s just kick off. First, you have such an interesting story. So tell us your story. You know, your journey from Army officer to finance executive to now a social entrepreneur. Tell us a little bit about that story and what got you to the work that you’re doing now, where what’s the driving mission and passion behind

Dr. Abraham George  03:07

it? All right? I was born in Southern India by this ocean, actually, but at the age of 14, I went on to get trained as an officer in the Indian military, and after four years of training, I was sent to the Himalayan border with China. That was my first posting at an altitude, altitude of 14,000 feet. That was the highest battleground in the world at that time, wow, the Chinese had invaded India through that mountain pass called sailor. Well there, my job was to set up the defensive position dig bunkers and gun position. I was an artillery officer, and the 11th month of my stay there i i met with an accident. I was blown up in a dynamite blast. Oh, my I was almost killed. If I was late by a fraction of a second, the blast would have killed me. I had turned around and I asked myself the question, Why was I spared? That was the trigger. But then there were a couple of other things that happened during that time, I was sitting alone, you know, leading my men to do the job, and I would climb small hills up there and sit on top and the clouds below me. And it’s very exciting to be on the top of the roof of the world. And I had long time to contemplate on what was life all about for me, and I began to question whether I want to spend the rest of my life in a profession, noble as it is, we all somebody has to do that job, but you know, still I’m being trained to kill someone else, and I was not sure that was my. Calling. But anyway, I read two books. And you know, your listeners might be interested in those books, one by Albert Schweitzer, actually his autobiography, then biographies by others. Albert Schweitzer, he won the Nobel Prize. He German who traveled to equatorial Africa and establish a hospital live with the animals and the tribals. I found it fascinating at the age of 18, absolutely a wonderful way to live. And the other one was by the great philosopher, Bertrand Russell. Is called a modern philosopher, but he died some 50 years ago. He in his book called History of Western philosophy, he wrote a line which caught me, and that was, there is nothing right about war. It is about who is left. Oh, that was something, and I took that to heart and decided at some point I’ll leave the military and get educated properly and start on something that would let me make some money so that I can do something good. So within a couple of years, I was able to leave for the United States. I did a couple of masters and a PhD from NYU Stern School of Business, and then I worked another two years for JP Morgan and I left to start my own company for the next 20 years, plus I had my own business started from the basement of my apartment, went on to become the market leader in the US and in Europe too, in my narrow field, which was corporate international finance, the corporate treasury area. And my whole goal during that time was, of course, around create a great company and do well and be a leader. But beyond that, I wanted to make enough money to do my passion, which was service, yeah, and I had, by then, decided that I leave my career and go somewhere like Albert Schweitzer did. That’s why I’m in this remote place, and start from the beginning, right?

Maria Ross  07:42

And what caused you to choose, you know, let first, let’s tell people a little bit about the main initiative that you work on, the school Shanti. Tell us a little bit about that and what the mission of that is,

Dr. Abraham George  07:55

right, growing up, I had observed in the villages of India, very severe poverty. Don’t forget, this is like 50 years ago, India had just become independent and famine, and you know, was rampant. In fact, America was helping India feed India Indian population with wheat and milk powder and things like that anyway, wanted to find a solution to at least reducing the poverty on a small scale. And during my doctoral work in NYU, I was focusing on various ways of doing it. You know, those days, the emphasis was on foreign aid, whether it is bilateral or IMF and so on, and handouts, essentially to countries that are struggling to come up and the other, other thing that bothered me tremendously was discrimination based on social status. In India, you probably heard of the caste discrimination some people, not a few, 300 million people today, they fall into a category called Dalits. They’re formerly called The Untouchables. And another five, 600 million people are called lower caste, and they are. They don’t have the financial means to get proper education. They don’t have they are not treated well in their villages and so on. So their children don’t get educated well. They go back to the same hearts with the kind of incomes they earn. And this has been going going on for 1500 years, and I wanted to find a way to again contribute to reducing social injustice. And I came to the conclusion this. Is actually, I give a lot of credit to NYU for making me understand that the way to dealing with social injustice is through economic opportunity for those people, and the way to get economic opportunity was through excellent education. So for me, handouts and foreign aid were not the solutions. It’s excellent education for the poorest of the poor that they can go on to have good jobs and bring up their families, and then they will go on to better living conditions, and the social injustice will disappear,

Maria Ross  10:39

of course. So that’s the work now. Is the school.

Dr. Abraham George  10:43

That is the work I’m doing. I take children from the poorest of the

Maria Ross  10:46

poor, right? That helps break the cycle of poverty. Your story is just fascinating, I mean, and I really connect with this desire to make money in order to do good. That is very much my driver in why I try to make my work and my business successful, not just so I can have more, but so that I can give more to organizations and people and groups that are on the front lines, doing the work and making things happen. And I have, you know, I have friends of mine who are very socially conscious, and we talk a lot about the fact that not everyone is built to be on the front line, but all of us can play a role in helping those and empowering those to do those people to do the work that they need to do. I want to talk about your ability. You’ve been in finance, you’ve been in sort of the white collar world, and you’re taking a lot of what, not only what you earned, but what you learned in those spaces to social entrepreneurship. And I just want to mention for listeners here, I’m going to put a link to a past episode with Woodson Martin, where he talked about being able to be a philanthropist while you are still, you know, earning a good, comfortable living. So I’m going to put a link to that in the show notes for folks, because that was another interesting story of someone, you know, doing really well financially and career wise, but using that to give back and then bringing others along. So I want to talk about, you know, a blueprint. You know, you’ve sort of developed a blueprint for leaders to create change. How can entrepreneurs or leaders or anybody really take action to create that positive impact in their communities? What are some of what are some of the guide posts that you have in the blueprint that you’ve developed that you can share with our listeners today? Right?

Dr. Abraham George  12:38

You know those who are working for companies or who own companies, they have some power to help the communities they serve. If you are in a town or somewhere in United States, the communities around there, your employees, where they come from. And you can certainly do something good, whether it’s improving at the schools, they have any number of things. And if you have overseas subsidiaries in various countries, especially poor countries, those subsidiaries are making money there, they should extend themselves to doing the same thing. So that sense for larger companies, multinational companies, it’s a global contribution. And nowadays they call it the CSR, or corporate social responsibility CSR programs. And in a country like India, the government requires that every company sets aside 2% of its profits to non governmental organizations like mine, they have to distribute that money to 1000s of them, so we get a small part of the pie, but at least there is something going to NGOs who are dying to try to do social work, because companies are not equipped to enter into the social arena directly. They have to use someone agent like us to do the work, but they can monetarily contribute, right? So that is one way, if you are an employee or an owner, you can do that. The other is, of course, your own money. We all, you know, be start businesses, so we make money. And one has to ask at that point, how much money is enough for a good living? Your purpose in life cannot be making more money all the time. That’s not a purpose. You have to find something meaningful to do to impact other people’s lives. And that’s what I discovered in my early childhood, that I should devote my life to improving the people who are suffering. People don’t have the opportunity, and people. Would you know, make there will find my help valuable. So, so I would urge anyone who is doing financially well to consider making a contribution to social

Maria Ross  15:18

good. Yeah, absolutely. Amen. I’m curious. Would you describe yourself as naturally empathetic? Do you think you’ve always been that way, or do you think that’s something you develop as you got more education and got more exposure? I’m just curious.

Dr. Abraham George  15:33

Yeah, I would. When I look back, I was fairly, fairly empathetic by my mother, especially my father, too, but my mother also always cultivated that in us. I remember somebody came and said he can’t read well, he can’t read anything because he doesn’t have glasses. And I had hardly anything. I was hardly 14. I somehow gathered up the pennies I had and gave him that money. So it went back very early. But you know the thing about empathy, and you know, doing good, see, the first level of emotion I find is sympathy for someone. You feel bad about somebody’s situation, then you have empathy in which you want to do something. Then you have compassion that you really get into that person’s shoes, and you really plan out something. But all those things are fine, but until you act on it, right? Compassion and action, you haven’t done anything

Maria Ross  16:42

for the other Exactly. Yeah, yeah. From my work, what

Dr. Abraham George  16:45

I would urge individuals to think about how they can help others by their actions, not by words.

Maria Ross  16:55

For 100% in my work and research, actually, sympathy and empathy are two different things. Empathy is really just about understanding someone’s context and understanding their perspective. But to your point, you can practice that, but until that information gives you a next right step to take an action, to take that action that you take is compassion. Compassion is empathy and action. So I love what you’re saying about it’s not just enough. You know, that’s we talk about this on the show all the time. It’s not just enough to cultivate it and practice it, although that is very important. But then, what are you going to do with that information that you’re getting about someone’s context and about their point of view? And it doesn’t have to be, you know, an action where you’re doing whatever they want, it’s just about your now, your next step is informed by what that person might be thinking or going through. So I love that, and I love that you’re able to recognize that that hit you at a young age. But the you know, the good news is we can strengthen that muscle as adults as well, right?

Dr. Abraham George  18:00

You know, I just want to say one more thing about this. You know, some people don’t have the opportunity, or are not willing to leave their corporate jobs and get involved, and the best they can do is to associate themselves with people like us who are doing some work, provide guidance, provide monetary help, and participate in, you know, some events to encourage us, to motivate us. All those things matter. It is not essentially that they have to quit jobs like I did, yeah, do crazy things, you know. So that’s important for people to know. There are so many different ways they can do good to the world, exactly.

Maria Ross  18:50

So let’s talk about that is this idea of why you can have a bigger impact than you think. I talk a lot about the ripple effect, and your ability to impact your sphere of influence, wherever you are within the organization, you talk about the compounding effect of helping 100 people who help 100 other people. Can you talk to us about your work and your from your vantage point of how you get that ripple effect started? Right?

Dr. Abraham George  19:17

I call it the multiplier effect, the same word as ripple. What we are doing is taking children from the poorest to the poor and giving them world class education and very good upbringing. I just want to add on something the effect of what we are done in the last 30 years, since we found it the kids are studying in places like Princeton, MIT, Harvard, Dartmouth, University of Chicago, Stanford, in America, in addition to great institutions in India. So the first point I want to make is you can bring up children from the poorest of the poor, and they have the. Inner potential to succeed. Now, one of the things we teach them while they’re growing up said, Listen, you came to me or came into my hands at the age of four. You have been with me around the year. You know, they go for vacation for two months and one month during the media. Okay, so they’re going to school full time, full year. Nine months I have them captive. 24 hours, you know. So there’s so many. Just before this meeting, I was with a bunch of 12th graders talking about, you know, various things they should cultivate. But anyway, one of the things I emphasize to them, you are beneficiaries of someone else’s generosity. You received the help that I was able to seek from donors in the United States or India anywhere, and they made it possible, apart from the money that I had originally given today, I had to reach out to others to help me, and you are beneficiaries of that, and you have a moral and ethical obligation you do the same for others. And so I given them this 100 rule that you mentioned, that is, in your lifetime, you should help 100 others. That’s not a very large number. You know, someone lot of wealth can help a million people for that matter, yeah. And they, in turn, you know, do the same thing for the next 100 and before, you know, one kid has impacted 1000s of people, and for a company or someone working in the corporation, if you can create that ripple effect, as you call it, and change society, that’s a tremendous contribution by the organization, the company itself, and the individual who is making it happen. Yeah. So I would urge everyone to look at ways where you can achieve that in my area, which is education, I feel education is the key to many things. You can feed somebody a meal or, you know, things like that, but they will disappear if you buy clothes for them, sure they will wear good clothes for a few days, but that will disappear. But education, you can’t take it away. And so the quality education and also proper upbringing, they have to learn to fit into the society at large. And so those are the two ingredients upbringing, and that’s what we do in every family. We bring up our kids well and educate them. You have to do the same thing for others. So that’s what I do.

Maria Ross  22:50

Yeah, and I love this on so many levels, because I talk a lot about the exponential impact that leaders have. So even if you’re a leader within a team and you’ve only got five people on your team. Think about those five people and their families and their communities, and then the people they’re going to lead in the future. That’s the example. That’s the leadership legacy that you leave behind. And so you know, if you want to be an awful leader, just because you think that’s the way to get things done. Not only the mental toll you’re taking on people, but the model you’re creating for them has a negative ripple effect on their own. You know, when they leave work and they take that home with them, or they take that back to their communities, or someday, when they’re in charge and they are leading a team of five people or 10 people or 20 people, your ability to leave a legacy as a leader of what is my best, most, highest purpose in how I can lead this team, and how I can lead it with care and compassion, but also still deliver results. Drive results. I can do both and create that model for them, so that they see what’s possible. And I love the work you do in education, the ripple effect it has. Let’s just talk about that for a second, because I want people to understand, you know, I spoke with you that I do a lot about making the business case for empathy. There is a business case to be made for investing in education, right? So talk to us a little bit about downstream what. How does that impact all of us when we you know, even if we’re not in that socio economic space, when we take the time and invest the resources in quality education, what does that do for society at large? What does that do for the economy, for the culture, right?

Dr. Abraham George  24:44

You know, there are companies who help us in India, big names the Morgan Stanley, JP, Morgan Ernst and Young Exxon Mobil. And what they are looking for is to help. An organization like us that’s educating and turning out good, well qualified young people they can hire, right? And so they’re very interested in hiring our kids. So right away, they benefit from the money they put in. They get good employees. Then I think they also want their staff to see the importance of doing something humane. You know, we can’t be all about money and productivity and new innovation products and so on. There has to be a heart in some of these things. And it is nice to see that employees themselves, they are involved in the welfare of someone else’s kids. How well they do. So I think a cooperation with the heart is better than it’s a corporation that is stone like you know, I think there is something they benefit by having a culture of being helpful to others, right? And I would urge company managers, you know, to consider that as a proposition of the idea of helping others, helping your own employees character. And then, of course, you are impacting society if you have producing more productive rather than just, you know, struggling in the village and so on. And now these young kids go to MIT or Harvard and come back, they are very productive citizens, right? And they can transform, in my opinion, I have started second Chandi bhava, you know, not too far from here. I had originally thought I will start 100 Chandi bonds, and I was very foolish to think that was possible. But others would join and create 100 Chandi one the country would be very different, right? You could have the ripple effect that you talked about, and now you will see millions of people, well educated, highly productive, turning out I’m working for these great companies, right, and being impacting society. So this is all just not pipe dreams. These are things that can be achieved. Yeah, we all put our heart together. Well.

Maria Ross  27:26

When we raise the standard of living, we raise the GDP, we raise all of these things. When we have an educator, citizen, they’re consumers, but they’re also creators, and that actually raises the level of the standard of living and the economy for everybody, everybody gets lifted up. So I really feel that empathy is the fuel and the catalyst for that kind of work. When we open our eyes and realize we’re not the only people in the room, we’re not the only people in the world, and how can we empower and not provide because that’s not what we’re talking about here, but empower and ignite other people so that you know, what is it they say the rising tide lifts all boats.

Dr. Abraham George  28:08

Right, right, right. I love that.

Maria Ross  28:12

Well. Dr George, this has been amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your work and your philosophy and really giving us a call to action to bring more care and compassion and heart, as you said, into even our most corporate environments, even into the work that we do, no matter what field we’re in, no matter what industry we’re in, that we have that ability to impact change. So I will have all your links in the show notes, and folks can find out more about your foundation and all about Shanti Bhavan as well and the school. But for anyone who’s on the go right now, where’s the best place they can learn more about you and your work,

Dr. Abraham George  28:51

the easiest way is to in Google, type my name, Abraham, George Abraham, you know again, remember Abraham Lincoln and George Washington? Right? That’s great. And you run into several links. Run into Shanti Vaughn, so I don’t need to give any websites or

Maria Ross  29:11

anything perfect, yes, and the website is dr, dr Abraham, George com, so you can get all the places from there. Dr, George. Thank you so much for your time and your insight.

Dr. Abraham George  29:22

Thank you. I just want to say that what you’re doing is amazingly great, because what you are doing is pointing out something beyond productivity and creative innovation and so on, and AI and other things you are talking about humanity and human conduct, and I admire you for what you do. Thank you so much.

Maria Ross  29:46

Thank you, and thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please rate and review or share with a friend or a colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow. Creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathy edge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Lisa Even: Building a Culture with Good Ripple Effect

We’ve got work to do! Yes, we do. And it will likely not stop. So, WHY should you make time for joy, even in the toughest work environments? Why should you even do it when we have spreadsheets, deadlines, and goals to hit?

The better question is: How can you NOT find the time? It’s the 5th pillar of being both an empathetic AND effective leader. And it’s not a luxury. It’s a vital way to build team culture, engagement, and reduce stress and anxiety when you can.

But HOW do you do it?

Today, I get the joy of talking about joy with Lisa Even. Lisa shares her transformative leadership story and how she infused joy into her own life and at work to build a winning culture, and how she helps leaders do the same. Lisa shares many examples and stories, and we discuss informal power, trying on others’ glasses, and how to check in with your team and start infusing joy in small ways that make a big difference.  Lisa shares the 3 ingredients necessary to create a joyful culture: desire, belief, and permission. We talk about how to encourage accountability and impact while creating joy, and Lisa shares a fantastic way to avoid “forced fun” with your most skeptical, cranky employees! 

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Listen in for…

  • How to sneak joy in before, during, and after everything you do.
  • Small steps to inject joy into your life and work.
  • The power of taking accountability for crappy to happy. 
  • Why you should be finding connection through other people’s joy.

“Make a list of the most unglamorous things, the things that just drive you bonkers. It’s your job to find a little happy after the crappy.” — Lisa Even

Keynote Speakers and Conference Trainers: Get your free Talkadot trial and enjoy this game-changer for your speaking business! www.share.talkadot.com/mariaross 

About Lisa Event, Keynote Speaker

Lisa Even believes that you happen to the world, not the other way around. Life isn’t about checking boxes—it’s about showing up, creating connections, making an impact (Have Good Ripple Effect), and making joy your job. From serving farmers and truckers at a small café in high school to leading multi-million-dollar budgets—and juggling life—she’s passionate about helping people think beyond their backyards and build meaningful careers and lives.

Now, Lisa brings that same energy to organizations nationwide. The author of Joy Is My Job, host of the Have Good Ripple Effect podcast, and in-demand keynote speaker, she has spoken to hundreds of teams across a wide range of industries.

Stay tuned for her newest book, What’s Your Ripple Effect? And Why It Matters More Than Ever: A Leader’s Guide to Creating Lasting Impact and Influence.

Connect with Lisa:

Lisa Even International: lisaeven.com 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lisa-even-have-good-ripple-effect-0778b112 

Facebook: facebook.com/lisaeven11 

Instagram: instagram.com/lisaeven_ 

Books: lisaeven.com/books 

Connect with Maria:

Get Maria’s books on empathy: Red-Slice.com/books

Learn more about Maria’s work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take the LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Maria Ross  00:00

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. We’ve got work to do. Yes, we do, and it likely won’t stop. So why should you make time for joy, even in the toughest work environments? Why should you do it when we have spreadsheets and deadlines and goals to hit? The better question is, how can you not find the time? It is, after all, the fifth pillar of being both an empathetic and effective leader, according to my book The Empathy dilemma, and it’s not a luxury. It’s a vital way to build team culture engagement and reduce stress and anxiety when you can. But how do you do it? Today I get the joy of talking about joy with Lisa. Even Lisa is a keynote speaker and author who believes that you happen to the world, not the other way around. Life isn’t about checking boxes, it’s about showing up, creating connections, making an impact, what she calls having good ripple effect and making Joy your job, from serving farmers and truckers at a small cafe in high school to leading multi million dollar budgets and juggling life, she’s passionate about helping people think beyond their backyards and build meaningful careers and lives. Now, Lisa brings that same energy to organizations nationwide. She wrote joy is my job hosts the have good ripple effect podcast, and has spoken to hundreds of teams across a wide range of industries. Her newest book is coming out soon. What’s your ripple effect and why it matters more than ever, a leader’s guide to creating lasting impact and influence. Today, Lisa shares her Transformative Leadership story and how she infused joy into her own life and at work to build a winning culture, and now how she helps leaders do the same. Lisa shares many examples and stories that you will love, and we discuss informal power trying on others’ glasses, and how to check in with your team and start infusing joy in small ways that make a big difference. Lisa shares the three ingredients necessary to create a joyful culture, desire, belief and permission. We talk about how to encourage accountability and impact while creating joy. And Lisa shares a fantastic way to avoid forced fun with your most skeptical, Cranky employees, so many great insights today. Take a listen. Welcome Lisa, even to the empathy edge podcast. I am so excited to talk to you about joy today and why it’s relevant to a high performing culture. So welcome to the show. Thank you, and you are a podcaster as well. You have a podcast called What’s your ripple effect? Yes, yeah. Have good ripple effect. I know, and I love that, because I talk a lot about how we influence our spheres of influence without being a leader with a title. So before we dive into all the goodness on creating joy and a positive team culture and all the results that gives you as a leader, can you tell us a little bit about your story and how you even got into this work of your book, joy is my job? Like, how did you get

Lisa Even  04:02

here? Yeah, I It’s a fun I laugh. Isn’t it fun? Just to I just want to sit and have coffee with you all day and be like, here’s all the things. But the down and dirty of it is, I entered the workforce and was a project manager, so I love deadlines and milestones, and I had a senior leader tap me on the shoulder and say, you really get people to get things done like you are highly productive. And I didn’t have direct reports at that time. You know, I when we talk about informal power, I was kind of this 20 something being like to the C suite exec, like, hi, I need you to do this thing. And when that leader, that senior leader, said, I think you’re a people leader, and she said, I’d love to move you from project management to operations. I was like, Yeah, let’s do it. So I led large teams in healthcare, and it was the most rewarding thing, like, I just want to try on everyone’s glasses and see from their perspective. Of like, you know, my cranky employees, of like, I’m not doing it. I’m like, Okay, can I. Trying your glasses like before I get mad. I just want to see what you see. And so fast forward to today. I do a lot of keynote speaking around creating impact through your ripple effect. And then I always say as a side note, I was a little burnt out along that journey, and my husband and I decided to track our joy like a bank account, so we hung a whiteboard in our bedroom. I love this so much. Yeah, because I thought, well, if we wait for joy to find us, we’re going to wait forever. And if it’s not a metric in our life, right? So that was, that’s it. So that’s the down and dirty version.

Maria Ross  05:34

And how are you doing? How long have you been doing that tracking? And how’s it going?

Lisa Even  05:38

It’s going so well, we’ve done it for about eight years. For a while it was just us, and then we had some friends who we were, you know, we were just telling about the whiteboard, and they’re like, what the whiteboard in your bedroom? And I’m like, Yeah, we wanted to dream about joy before we fall asleep, because sometimes that’s the only time we see each other, and we wanted to dream about joy when we wake up. And so it moved from whiteboard to calendar to now tracking, and I also speak to audiences, additionally, the culture we talk about, how are you sneaking some joy in, before, during and after? Everything that you already do

Maria Ross  06:11

completely okay. So many questions about that. I’m going to take a minor detour. Do you both have a shared definition of joy?

Lisa Even  06:17

Though? Yes, and this is where I say, like, disclaimer, Lisa is not a scientist, and right, our definition of joy is things that light us up, things that make us feel more alive. And so we have, we both have a joy calendar. Our kids have them, and they look very different there. I actually have a joy challenge where I say, get in someone else’s joy. So once a month, I sit down and I watch a football game with my husband and I, because that’s his joy, because that’s his joy, and he tells me all about how many rushing yards for whatever, and it is the most fun thing to know that my only responsibility during that moment is to enjoy him, enjoying his joy, so I don’t feel any pressure, right? Yeah? Like, I don’t like this. I don’t I really, I still don’t like this, yeah? And it’s kind of like my brain saying, Yeah, you don’t have to, yeah, good, yeah. Oh my gosh. I love this

Maria Ross  07:06

so much. And I I’m laughing inside, because I’m like, if I go to my husband right now and be like, we need a joy calendar, he’d be like, Oh my God. Who have you been talking to? But, yeah, I mean, and we’re very different people. That’s why I was asking about that. And I love that idea. I mean, that’s empathy, right? Is you are coming into his space and his world and trying to understand what is important to him, and he’s doing the same for you and your kids. I just I love it so much. So what? So what actually inspired you then to focus on leadership and culture in your work, how did you translate that story and that journey into realizing, Hey, this is actually a catalyst for organizations.

Lisa Even  07:48

It you know, it’s funny that my I always say, like my have good ripple effect and my joy journey were happening almost simultaneously. So much like a lot of us, we inherit whatever we’re given, right, like the team or the teams or the locations, and they all have different history and dynamics and all of those parts and pieces. And I was looking kind of across the landscape, and realized that first off, we needed kind of that vision internally, like we had the organization vision, but we needed kind of that leader vision. And so the tagline really came about because I said to my team guys, it’s our job to have good ripple effect. Like, if we do not keep our waters clean, if we don’t like what, what is it going to look like? And everything you say and do is a ripple happier, crappier choice. And so I really started off in that direction, just probably more out of, like, needing to, because I had some pretty, like, toxic cultures that I inherited, and I was like, We need a phrase that allows us to self hold each other accountable. And so that’s really the first time I walked down the hallway and I heard someone say to someone else, is that really good ripple effect? Like, I was a proud like, oh my gosh, yeah. Just like, yes, they get it. They’re starting to identify what’s good and what’s not, and if it’s in there, we need to get it out. Like cultural dysfunction is a huge part of, you know, productive and empathetic and joyful team.

Maria Ross  09:10

Yeah, okay, I love this because, you know, as I mentioned, I talk a lot to teams that say, Well, what do we do about empathy in our culture? Because our CEO doesn’t buy into it, and you don’t have to wait. You can actually create a micro culture within your team that becomes that bright light within the organization to your point. It has the ripple effect of impacting other people in the organization. And they start wondering, like, and it’s funny, because I use this phrasing, what’s in the water over there? Yeah. Why is that team outperforming? Why is it they their retention rates are higher? Why is it people are actually smiling over there, like, what is it that they’re doing that we can replicate and scale and learn from in other teams? So you don’t have to wait for the corporate mandate to be you know, this is how you should operate. If you don’t like the culture, the larger culture you’re swimming in, you can create a micro culture as a leader. And I’ve worked for organizations where the organizational culture wasn’t great, but our team was this fantastic unit, and it was so fun to work with them. So I want to get into joy, because just to share a little story with you, and I’ve shared this with my listeners before, when I was working on the empathy dilemma, and I was kind of deconstructing the recipe of what makes an empathetic leader, both empathetic and high performing at the same time, like, what was the what was the secret sauce? Yeah, and I spoke to hundreds of leaders, I did lots of research, and I found these pillars that are true of all of these leaders that seem to be doing this effortlessly. And at first there were only four, and I was wondering why, what was missing? I was like, something’s missing in here. And I went back, and I realized it was joy. I realized it was this element of and not that you had to be the funniest leader in the room, but that there was an element of camaraderie and of levity even when the work is hard, right? And I saw this in very stressful environments, right? Healthcare, police, like it didn’t matter what environment the work was, it was how the team had each other’s back and had that camaraderie together, and it was joy, and it was making time for moments of joy. To your point, so tell me a little bit about and maybe give us some examples of what how do you start people on that journey? If they’re like, something’s missing, we’re not feeling really good about what we’re doing, what are some small steps that a leader or team can take to inject joy into their work.

Lisa Even  11:44

Yeah, and I will actually even go a little bit personal and professional, because I think they tie together. The first thing that I always scan when I’m looking at my teams is number one, do they have desire, permission and belief? And what I mean by that is, like I do some joy sessions with organizations. I had a woman raise her hand and say, I have enough joy. Thanks. It was, like the perfect moment. I literally would like let it hang in the air, and I’m like, You’re right. Like, if you have enough, you’re right. If you don’t have enough, you’re right. There really has to be a desire for it. And if you notice that your team isn’t there yet, that’s something to start working on of, how do we think about if we don’t have the desire, what’s getting in the way? And I talk about it in the book, where we’re looking at kind of and I’ll use the word this loosely, but just so listeners understand it’s like the excuses. Well, at least I can’t have joy. I have 1000 emails. Yes, I can’t have joy because I have a report due on Friday, and we really had to start, like, peeling the onion back to say, what if you could be two things at once? Yeah, like, does that? You have to want it a little and then you have to believe that we can have it right, and you have to have a little permission. And so we talked a lot about our team culture of, what if we can be busy and friendly, what if we can be busy and joyful, right, like that would be good ripple effect. And so it’s really a lot of those like I always, I do a lot of culture work around, like attitudes, behaviors and beliefs. So it’s a lot like that. What it’s our attitude, how we feeling? What behaviors do we see going on? The what are we keeping? What are we getting rid of? And do we believe it to be true? If you know, if a new team member says to or an older team member says to a newer one, oh, it never changes around here. You know, it’s like, Ah, that’s a belief, like, I take notice. And I think that ties together of joy, of really saying, like, what’s our attitude, what are the behaviors that we can infuse? And then, do we believe it? Do we really, truly believe it? And some teams are faster and slower at grasping the concept, and that’s okay, like, sometimes it’s just a little like, roll up the sleeves, little bit more work, totally.

Maria Ross  13:49

Well, you’re trying to shatter old belief systems and old paradigms of what work should be, right? And, you know, I’m always talking about both and leadership and in the context of empathy, you can be empathetic and high performing. You can be compassionate and competitive at the same time. And it’s only when we we think it’s an either or equation that we swing so far. The pendulum swings so far, right? You swing between being a dictator and being a pushover. But there’s a happy medium in there, so and I love what you’re saying here about deciding to infuse joy. Now, one of the things I know I’ve worked with, what? So two things here. One is, to your point about the excuses, it’s we don’t have time, right? We’re going we don’t have time for what seems to be a waste of time. So what do you say to leaders? I mean, they’re obviously not hiring you, but what do you say to those leaders who are like, we don’t have time to fool around. Yeah, that’s kind of how they say it. Yeah, they do, don’t they?

Lisa Even  14:47

Yeah. And I will say, if they say that, I’ll say, let me ask you this, how burnt out are you? Well, I’m so burnt out, you know, they go into their like, Mantra, and I let them, I listen and I like, have a little bit of poker face. Sudden, like, Yeah, I’m like, how stressed Are you? They were like, I am so stressed I did not sleep last night. And you’re like, Yeah, right. And you have them tell the story of so it sounds like you’re in not a really great spot. And then I say to them, like, how is that going? Yeah. And I let it hang a little bit in a really thoughtful and curious and, like, empathetic way of like, is that good? Yeah? Like, Well, no. And then I kind of, like, lead them softly into this conversation about,

Lisa Even  15:30

what if you could enjoy it.

Lisa Even  15:34

Like, yeah, Joy word. And then they’re like, Lisa, you know.

Lisa Even  15:38

And I’m not talking about the big, grandiose things, I just say, like, what if we could think about our day differently? And so one of the tactics that I would often use, again, I’m not a scientist, but I would say crappy to happy. So there are unglamorous things that we do in our day, Excel, spreadsheets, reports, phone calls you, although

Maria Ross  15:57

those, I always say, those do bring some people joy. They do. I don’t understand those people, but yeah,

Lisa Even  16:04

let’s I always say, like, make a list of the most unglamorous things, the things that just drive you bonkers. In the construction industry, it’s carrying drywall. In the hospitality industry, it’s like, cleaning up. Like, what are those things, right? Depending on the industry, and they can usually, like, rattle them up. And then I’m like, okay, so if we’ve got things that are really unglamorous, and we know that that we have to do that, like we don’t get to not do them, I say it’s your job to find a little happy after the crappy we’re going to take crappy guys and we’re going to make it happy. And so I will say to them, like, before, during or after, what can we do? And in my world, we I worked in a very large hospital, and I had people at my front desk, and I would walk up to them and I’d say, Hey, how’s it going today? Crappy to happy. What do we got? And they would say to me, before, nowadays, things are automated, right? You get patient phone calls, but back in the day, they were not. We would make hundreds of phone calls per day and leave voicemails of like, Hi so and so, see you on Thursday. And so I would say to them, crappy, the happy. And they would say to me, all right, we got three on a phone call. And I’m like, All right, that’s the crappy. What’s the happy? And it was a lot of them starting to think about, it’s my job, right, to add in a little something happy after. And so they’re like, I think after 300 we’re getting Starbucks. And I’m like, Yeah, or they’re like, we’re taking a lap around the building, but it was their it was their job to take it from I have to do these unglamorous things, but I also can infuse a bit of levity and fun, yes, day. And I would literally High Five them and say absolutely. And you can do that in your personal life too. Like I had a woman after a session, she goes, my mom is aging and is in the nursing home. I said, Yeah, and she goes, and it is awful to visit her, like I just, we just sit there and look at each other and don’t really know what to say. And she goes, crappy to happy. I said, All right, what is it? And she goes, I think I’m going to bring a game next time. Yeah, it just gets your brain thinking about how you take accountability for it and also give yourself permission to do it well.

Maria Ross  18:05

And you made a great point here. It’s also about the language we use and how we talk to ourselves. And I you know this, this has always been for me, I don’t have to work out. I get to work out right, right? And so you can apply it to so many other things, like, I don’t like to vacuum, but it’s really great that I have this awesome house I get to keep clean, right? That’s a little bit of a stretch, but you know what I’m saying? Yeah, absolutely. It’s using the language of just, we were just talking my husband and I were just talking to our son about this the other day in the car, and about how I was talking to him, about saying I flipped how I was talking and I said, I don’t have to do this thing. I get to do this thing. And how it it really just changes your outlook. And it sounds, it sounds really almost juvenile, but like trying to trick yourself. But it’s true, it’s how we talk to ourselves and how we approach the work. And so, you know, no matter what it is, you can try to find joy in it. And if that’s not enough, what’s a way that you can set the environment so that it’s more pleasing, right? Yes, can you Okay, you’ve got to start doing your taxes. Can you make, like, your favorite latte, right? And light a candle and put some great music on and, like, make it a more joyful experience for yourself. But we’re so primed to just be like, get it done. Get it done. Get it done. And that’s the grind, right? It is.

Lisa Even  19:34

And I always say, like, when you go to start thinking about joy and we’re going to put it on your calendar somewhere, I always say, start small, like I have a good friend. And this is a personal example, but I think it relates in the professional world as well. She will call me and she’ll say, What are you doing? And I’ll say, I’m, you know, doing all the life things, right, laundry and dishes and Kid things. And she’ll say, do you have 15 and I say, Yeah, I do. And literally, I she drive. Over to my house, I meet her in the driveway with a sparkling water, sometimes a drink, right? And we stand there for 15 minutes. She like, gets out of her car. We’re standing there in the driveway. 15 minutes, we chit chat, and then we’re like, All right, back to it. Bye, yeah. And it’s actually some of my most fun, the like, moments of the week, because we tell each other a story or something that happens, or it’s just a little bit of a boost. And I think about even in your workspace, when you’re working on a project, or you’ve got, you know, q2 you know, is almost over, I would say, like, save 15 minutes or something other than work, yeah. And though, you know, it’s hard at first, and it feels awkward, but I always say, like, keep going, because before you know it, you’re going to start to look forward to it, yeah? And then it becomes a part of your routine. And there’s so much research on habit development, yeah, that you then are like, Oh, I just do this.

Maria Ross  20:54

Well, I think also that’s what you know. There’s a whole nother conversation about return to work and hybrid work and remote work. And I have lots of opinions about both sides of that, but I think that is the thing for people that are proponents of going back in the office, sometimes they miss those moments. They miss those moments of like, this is too much. I’m going to get up and I’m going to go to the break room, or I’m going to go to the coffee bar or whatever. Do you want to come with me? Yeah, and we’re just going to step away from our desks for a little bit. You know, that’s the whole the whole water essence of the water cooler. I know exactly. It’s those serendipitous moments where you, you take a second to just forget the work and be human for a second casually, like, yeah, you’re casually in existence, for sure. And so let’s talk about what are some common challenges that leaders face in maintaining a healthy culture, and where can some of the things that you talk about and teach help alleviate

Lisa Even  21:49

that? Yeah, and I think about culture in almost like the ripple itself. So the center circle is really you. And we talk a lot about, like, how you doing, how you showing up. And we think about it from the angle of, you know, if I see someone walk down the hall, I

Lisa Even  22:07

prepare for them. I think, oh, not today.

Lisa Even  22:12

People prepare for you. And so as we think about our presence being the present, the gift that we give our team, I often will give teams an opportunity to think about, how are you showing up? I once had an employee turn to me and she, you know, just casually said, Oh, you show up busy. And I was like, horrified, yeah. I’m like, I am so fun and so energetic, right in my mind. I’m like, Yeah, I kind of did, like an awkward haha. And I walked back to my office, but I was like, I do not show up busy. But she was right. I did because I thought that showing up in a way that was like, we got all these things I got this done, was a gift, and what it was actually doing was the gift of busy. And so being able to really think about it from your angle first, and then I always say I do some values exercises, of like, what’s important to you and what’s important to your team, yeah. And then we start to look at like, how are you culturally? I actually have a like, three columns where I’m like, How are we feeling, attitude wise, what are some of the behaviors like, what is it normal to see? One of my favorite examples, I had a new employee start, and I said to her, I go, you’re new here. You have fresh eyes. Like, what’s something interesting or odd that you’ve seen around here, and I was alluding to, like, our culture and the behaviors that we do on a daily basis. She looked me up and down, kind of almost as if to say, like, do I trust you? Yeah. I waited her out. I held and then she goes, Do we take a lunch? I knew what she was talking about. Yeah. There was this really funny behavior in a pocket of our team, where they sat at their desk and they worked through lunch. And I said, Well, HR, would like me to tell you to take a lunch. Legally, yes. And I said, but what do you mean? And I again, I knew what she meant, but she goes, Well, I went to go take a lunch, and one of the other nurses in our office turned to me and says, Where are you going? And I told her, I’m going to take a lunch and I’m going to walk around the building. And she goes, and she goes, we work until the work is done. Oh, I said, what’d you do? She goes, Well, I sat back down and I worked at my desk, and she goes, but I think if they took a lunch, they’d be nicer humans. And I laughed at her, and I said, You are right. You bumped up into what I will call a like ecosystem norm. This is very normal for them. Yeah, don’t even notice it. It’s a behavior they’ve done forever. I said it’s really not official, like it’s not in our handbook. I said my advice to you is to the next time you want to take a lunch and walk around the building. I said it’s going to be hard. It’s going to be so hard, but I want you to say to her, I’m going to work until the work is done right after lunch, I’m gonna take a quick walk, and I’m gonna be even better, and I’m gonna work harder. And then a few weeks later, I saw her in the hall. I’m like, Are you taking a lunch? And she goes sometimes, and I smiled, well, even funnier, like a few months later, the nurse that had mentioned that had an injury where she was supposed to her physical therapist told her to walk. Oh. So she goes, she looked at her. She goes, I’m walking with you at lunch. Nice. And it was just a very like I always say, as a leader, have your finger on what norms are occurring, what behaviors, and start to have those conversations and teach people how to shift them, because it really does take a lot of forethought to be able to think. We’ve always done it that way, but do we like it, right? And you can believe attitudes turn into behaviors, which turn into beliefs, and then before you know it, it’s so ingrained that you’re like, yeah, it’s gonna be harder to change once, once it gets to a belief,

Maria Ross  25:32

right? So, so good. How do you balance that? This is always the perennial question I’m asking, is balancing empathy and all of these things with high performance and ambition. So how do you help leaders encourage accountability and impact while still making time for joy and not letting things go off the rails?

Lisa Even  25:54

Yeah, absolutely. So I always say, like, fair, firm and kind.

Lisa Even  25:58

And so when we think about I always, you know, tee up conversations of, you know, if maybe we’re trying to get something done, or, you know, a project, I’m often saying, like, we can be both things at one, yeah, and I want to make sure both things are on track. Like, your joy is on track, but the project is on track. And so I set it up really, kind of, like expectations of, like, talk to me about the project. Where are we at talk to me, and I’m firm, fair and kind of like, and I ask a lot of questions back, any risks that we need to think about? Are we, you know, like, really, kind of teeing that up? And then I’ll say, Okay, let’s talk about our joy. How are we doing from a scale of our attitudes, and how are we feeling? And if we need to take a small break, or we need to infuse some joy, let’s do it. And so I kind of like, bop back and forth, and my team gets used to this. Like, Lisa’s fairly like, she’s gonna drive us to get our metrics, but she’s also gonna drive us to make sure we’re okay along the way. And then if it’s like, tips into like, somebody not performing. Well, obviously that’s a performance conversation, but most of the time, if you are firm, fair and kind, and you have some really good language around well, what does that look like? Does that get us the desired result? Whether it’s on a technical or reaching a result, or on the joy front? I put it back on them to help paint that picture, and then I’m like, so it looks like we’re not right, right? You know, like, what does that look like? Where do we go from here? And if they can’t figure that out, then I’ll say, Can I make a recommendation? And then I want you to, you know, give me your thoughts back. And I always say, like, well, arm wrestle a little bit along the way,

Maria Ross  27:35

yeah, well, and I think it’s so important, you know, my the third pillar is clarity, because clarity is not just kind, it’s empathetic. And when you’re able to be clear and show that those performance metrics matter to you, you can then, then it’s easier to open up, it’s easier to build the camaraderie, because everybody has the same expectation. And the reason why, you know, for my work, I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on this is the reason why Joy is that fifth pillar of being an empathetic leader. Is because when you create that joy, people get to know each other on a personal level, and so then they care about being empathetic with each other. They care about having each other’s backs. They care about checking in with each other, versus if they’re all in their own silos and they’re just coming in and doing their work and leaving robot? Yep, there’s no interaction that fosters the flow of empathy. What do you think about that theory?

Lisa Even  28:33

Yes, I think you’re 1,000% right. And I have a worksheet that I give out to my new employees, and it has a list of values, and I have, I say, like, pick your top three. And I had a team member, a really quick story between Shane and Andrew. So Shane’s kind of my jokester. Andrew is kind of my straight laced guy. And I hand out this worksheet. I do it with. Like, when I first joined, I had, you know, all of our team in a morning huddle. I said, you know, hey, could you circle those three? And then I said, Hey, would somebody be willing to share their top value? No. Shane raises his hand really fast, mostly to be funny. And I said, Shane, like, hi, you were first like, what was your top value? And he says to me, and he’s never serious. He says, Lisa, when you have a crappy childhood, you make joke and you keep making jokes because it lightens people’s day. And I said, Yeah. Now Andrew, who Shane and Andrew kind of bumped heads. They were like, both in my periphery, so I could kind of see him at the same time, and I could see Andrew, like, giving him the side eye, as almost as if to say, like, so you’re not trying to be an idiot every time we turn around, because Andrew really liked to get work done. Yeah. And was a really, like, mover and shaker in that front after the meeting, I went over and I said, Shane, hey, thanks for sharing that. I said, I want to honor that value. Will you tell us a joke at our morning meeting? Like, will you start our meeting off with a joke every day? And he looked at me and he goes, do they have to be work appropriate? And it was like, Yes, sir, they do, yeah. And for months, he brought jokes to our. Morning meeting. Well, then they switched to dad jokes, and I’m like, Are you gonna be a dad? Like, yeah. On the day that his wife went into labor, I sent an email to the team. I said, Hey, at our morning meeting, we need to figure out coverage for Shane. You know, wife’s out. See you in a few minutes. I get to huddle. Andrew raises his hand, and I’m like, Hi, Andrew. He never raises his hand. I was like, what’s up? And he goes, Well, Shane’s gone. And I was like, Yeah, you know, like Shane has gone. And he pulls out a little piece of paper, and he goes, Well, I looked up a joke. Oh, when you think about empathy and your ability to build culture, part of that is being able to recognize what’s important to people and how they got the way that they are. And if you can start to shine a light on you know, what people value like, I always say that people carry their values when they’re mad, like she doesn’t trust me and they’re not very loyal. They give it to you on a platter. They literally, when you are mad, you mentioned the value that that has been like, violated, yeah. Or they do it when they’re talking about their kids at the water cooler or their faith or hobbies. And so as you think about building a team culture and those connections, I often say, like, look for their values, because what they care about is going to drive connection, which is also going to drive joy. And if you realize that your joy doesn’t have to match theirs, like we had some pretty funny engagement events, because somebody really liked a certain thing, right? And I said to everyone else, I was like, How many of you make it up? How many of you like this and they’re like, not me? And I said, All right, so our job over here is to make like their joy our joy, yeah. And it just gave people permission to not feel like they were being told what to do, but they were told, like, be a part of it, like in your own way,

Maria Ross  31:41

yeah, yeah, 100% I mean, so much of that happened during the pandemic and lockdown. I know my husband’s a chief marketing officer for a company, and they were doing all these fun team building exercises over zoom, like they did a wine tasting one time. They did a create a succulent garden. They did some other stuff, but they also did some activities, and I heard this from other leaders too, where it was like, each team member would talk about their hobby or their, you know, here’s how I’m making sourdough bread right now, or here’s what’s going on in my town. And they gave everyone space within a set meeting, whether it was five or 10 minutes. And it was like, you know, Hey, Lisa, it’s your turn talk to us about your favorite hobby. And that was a way for them to not only get to know each other, but I hadn’t thought about it this way before, and I love the language you’re using. It was the ability to bring someone else into your joy, and when that is appreciated and acknowledged, you feel closer to those people, and you’re more willing to perform and deliver for them. Absolutely.

Lisa Even  32:45

And I often will say to, like, keep an eye on people’s Joy levels. Because if someone says, you know that it’s a question that’s on my one on one form, I have a I’ll give it to you for the show notes, but I have a PB and J worksheet where it’s like, I my the way that I structure my one on ones is people better ways and joy. Because I want to know like, how are you doing? I want to know, do you have any ideas to make things better around here? And then I want to know like, How are you, how is your joy? And if I get to that, what part in my one on one where the person’s like, Lisa, I’m not having any, yeah, that’s that for me. That’s like, a really great gift. I’m like, yeah, oh, we thank you. Like, I need to know that, as a leader, to know that personally or professionally, you are not in a good spot with probably joy, and then maybe even other things in your life. And so it’s a written there’s some prompter questions of, like, how do you ask different ways so that it’s not like the same thing every you know, one on one. Let me read off the sheet like it gives you some like ways to do that, but I think that joy is a big indicator of hobbies, and how are they doing?

Maria Ross  33:48

Yeah, absolutely. So what do you tell a leader who is trying to infuse more joy but they’re having trouble accessing their own joy, like they’re feeling a lot of pressure about that. What’s the way that the team and the culture can sort of contribute to it, versus putting it all on the leader, you know, show us what you got. How are you gonna make our team joyful?

Lisa Even  34:12

Right? Yep, well, and even, like, I had five locations, so I was so spread thin to think that I could create joy for all of them. And so I really looked to my informal leaders, like, kind of looked around and looked and said, like, who can I link arms, like, with Shane story. Yes, Shane likes to have joy. Like, where are your Shanes? And then we started, we called it like a social club. And you could call it so I live in Iowa, but was in Wisconsin for a number of years, and it was almost like our supper club, you know, like, give it a cute name. And then they that group of people, there were, like, two or three that raised their hand and said, like, I had help with some joy around here. And they started to create, similar to what you described for your husband, small, bite sized activities. And I the rule was 510, 15 minute things. So we had, you know. Holiday bingo via email. We had putting little plastic eggs around the holiday times. We had non denominational things for the folks that didn’t celebrate holidays. And it really became I didn’t have to have that burden as a leader, right team could help create it and it my kids have a joy list and a joy calendar, and they are way better at joy than me. Like, sometimes I’m like, Guys, mom’s a little tired. What should we do for some joy? My daughter’s like, we should do paint by number. And I’m like, Yes, we should. And yeah, before I know what I’m printing off things off the internet, it’s the same at work. Like, find those like people that can really help it along. Yeah. So this leads me to another question, which I get a lot too, is, how do you how do you do that in a way that it doesn’t feel like forced fun? Yeah, to people. So I actually say there’s a couple of different versions depending on your personality, because what can come out of my mouth might not work for like, what you could say you’re like, I could never say that, right? And so I lay the case for joy. And I say, guys, is it not stressful around here, like we are working hard? Are we not? And I kind of doubt it’s again, going back to, like, getting them to validate the like, it’s hard, it’s wild out here, right in a good, like, productive way. I’m like, it is busy and we are working fast. We deserve joy, do we not? You know? And I kind of like, lay the groundwork for like, we can be busy, we can be joyful. And then I will say, like, I would love to start creating many moments of that around here. And then I leave it for a little bit right? Like, I put that out there in a staff, yeah, or a huddle, and I just start dripping on them, like coffee, like, and then a few weeks later, I’m like, hey, you know what I mentioned the other day that I wanted to bring more joy, and I read an article about, you know, this organization that was doing some joy, and then, you know, a few weeks go by, and then I’m like, hey, if anybody wants to take part in this thing related to some joy, like, let me know. And I start to kind of get a sense of, like, Who’s up for some joy and who’s like, who’s not? Yeah, because then those people who are not, I tell a funny story about a guy on my team who hated our potlucks. His name was Paul.

Maria Ross  37:08

He would, like, my husband’s name is Paul, and he always hates this kind of stuff, usually. So it’s kind of funny,

Lisa Even  37:13

yeah. And I laugh, because, like, every morning I would walk in and I’d say, Good morning Paul, how are you? And he’d say, Good morning Lisa. I am two years and sunny, right? Like, two years in sunny I’m like, What is this? Well, fast forward, I went on vacation, and we took an overnight ferry, like a big boat. I had never been on a cruise, and I laughed, because the woman at the top of the ship, she kind of solved all of my Paul problems, because I had been telling this other leader right before I left. I was like, I got this guy. We do this two years in sunny thing every morning, and he hates engagement. And the guy goes, I don’t know about the engagement stuff, but I think when he says two years in sunny he’s talking about his retirement forecast. And I was like, Oh, you’re so right. Well, you know, I don’t have a chance to talk to Paul because I’m leaving for vacation, right? We get to the top of this ship, and my girlfriend and I, we were there was two couples, my girlfriend and I and our husbands, and the woman at the top of the ship, she welcomes us aboard, and she says, Hey, we got live entertainment casinos. She’s pointing out all these things. And my girlfriend and I look at each other, and we’re like live entertainment, and our husbands are like casinos. We’re like fake bickering. At this point, she pauses, and she goes, Hi, time out. Can I tell you something? And we were kind of like laughing, like, Yeah, sure. And she goes, not everything is for everyone. Not everything is for everyone. We’ve got something for everybody on this ship. So you too live entertainment. Great. You too casinos, great. Welcome aboard. Get on my ship. And I remember looking at her being like, thank you. I went back to Paul Monday morning when I got back and I said, Good morning, Paul, how are you? And he goes, good morning, I’m two years on sunny. And I was like, Hi, are you gonna retire in two year? And he goes, he kind of looked at me. It’s like, maybe. I said, Yeah. I said, Paul, we got to talk about these potluck and he went on and on, like, I hate the potlucks, you know? And I said, I waited. I waited out. I waited him out. And I said, Paul, you are two years in sunny I got people over here, 40 years in cloudy, Paul, 40 years they got left to work. I’m like, these potlucks are not for you. So the next time at potluck, can you not hate, hate the potlucks at the potluck? And he kind of did this like, and I was like, Okay, bye. And a few weeks later, someone comes to my office, and they’re like, You will never believe who brought a dish to potluck. I looked at her. I was like, was it? Paul? Goes, yeah, it was. How’d you know? I said, I don’t know. I just had a hunch. I went up to my potluck, and I said, Paul, you bring a dick? And he looked at me. He goes, Oh, it’s for the kids.

Lisa Even  39:34

If you can start

Lisa Even  39:37

to like, yeah, where you’re gonna have people who are gonna love it and people who are going to hate it. You’re going to have a call or two on your team, right? But as soon as they know it’s not being forced on them, yes, but you’re inviting them to participate. Yeah, sometimes you’re inviting them to participate. He didn’t need the potluck, but he all of a sudden realized that you know Joey, who has 40 more years. Yeah, dude, that that guy better buckle up. He’s got more potlucks than he knows. What’s coming, yeah. So it’s really this kind of, like, how do you start to shift but also drip and also invite, and when you do have a few prankies, like, that’s okay, like, nod and smile and be like, not today.

Maria Ross  40:13

Yeah. I love it. Oh, my God, such a great story. I love it so much. And I find it hilarious that that person’s name was Paul, your husband. So yeah, this has been such a great conversation. Lisa, thank you. We definitely want folks to check out your work and to check out your books. I want to just remind everyone, it’s joy is my job, and then you have a new book coming out soon. What’s your ripple effect and why it matters more than ever, a leader’s guide to creating lasting impact and influence on your team, I guess right influence on everybody within the organization, on everybody. You can kind of use it on everybody. Okay, great. So we’re going to have all your links in the show notes. Thank you so much for all your insights today. For anyone that’s on the go, where’s the best place they can find out more about you and your work?

Lisa Even  40:59

Yeah, so Lisa, even.com would be the best place to go, and I’ve got worksheets. You can see my podcast. It kind of is almost like the funnel to all of the resources and connecting with me and then connect on social. I’d love to

Maria Ross  41:11

hear. I love it. Thank you so much for your time today, absolutely. And thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do, rate, review and share with a friend or a colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathy edge calm. There. You can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice. Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

October 2025 Hot Take: My Birthday Wish: More Empathy, Less Excuses

October is Maria’s birthday month—and her wish this year? More empathy and compassion in leadership. In this special solo episode, Maria shares why we must stop accepting toxic leadership as “normal,” and how you can turn the tide toward human-centered, high-performing workplaces.

Plus, she’s got a special birthday and holiday gift for you (and maybe one for her, too!): Buy The Empathy Dilemma in bulk for your clients or teams and get a free 30-minute virtual Author Fireside Chat if you order 50+ copies by Dec 31, 2025.

She also shares three powerful, practical actions any leader can take to be a more empathetic leader and increase engagement, performance, and accountability —and reminds you where to go for more inspiration, including her upcoming virtual leadership events and her Forbes column.

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Highlights:

  • Maria’s 53rd birthday reflections: why empathy matters more than ever.
  • The myth of “tough” leadership and what to replace it with.
  • Her birthday/holiday book, discounted bulk order promotion, and how it benefits your team.
  • Three actions leaders can take right now to model empathy.
  • Details on Maria’s virtual Leadership Events.
  • Where to find her latest Forbes articles.

“There’s clearly no more data I can show you. Now, it’s a question of you deciding what kind of leader – and person – do YOU want to be?” —  Maria Ross

Episode References: 

  • Buy The Empathy Dilemma in bulk at a discount: https://www.TheEmpathyDilemma.com Buy 50 or more copies and contact me to get your free virtual Author Fireside Chat to guide discussion and enable action.

Sponsor Message: Keynote Speakers and Conference Trainers: Get your free Talkadot trial and enjoy this game changer for your speaking business! www.share.talkadot.com/mariaross 

Connect with Maria:

Get Maria’s books on empathy: Red-Slice.com/books

Learn more about Maria’s work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take the LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Hey everyone, it’s Maria here with an October Hot Take episode for you.

Now—quick fun fact—October happens to be my birthday month! And this year, I’m turning 53. I know, I know—how did that happen so fast? (My skincare routine deserves its own episode!)

But seriously, birthdays are a time for reflection—and for me, this year’s reflection has been crystal clear:

I want more empathy and compassion in the world.

And honestly, that starts with leadership.

We do not have to accept horrible behavior from leaders. We shouldn’t shrug and say, “Well, that’s just how business is.” Because guess what? That kind of leadership doesn’t work anymore. It doesn’t inspire. It doesn’t retain great people. It doesn’t build loyal customers or innovative teams.

So today, as I blow out my metaphorical candles, I want to share my birthday wish—and it involves you.

But first… a little gift talk and some announcements.

You’ve probably heard me talk about my latest book, The Empathy Dilemma: How Successful Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries. It’s already won two international book awards and is getting love from readers who say it’s changing how they lead, live, and communicate.

And since it’s my birthday month—and the holidays are coming up—I have a little offer that doubles as my birthday gift.

If you buy 50 or more copies of The Empathy Dilemma by December 31, 2025, for your team, your clients, or even your favorite association or network, I’ll gift you back a free 30-minute virtual Author Fireside Chat with me. You can ask me anything, or I can facilitate a rich group discussion about how to put empathy into practice at work.

Think of it as a win-win: you give your people a book that’s not just inspiring but strategic—one that helps them perform better, communicate better, and lead better. And you get to make me very happy on my birthday. (See what I did there?)

All the details and bulk purchase options are at TheEmpathyDilemma.com.

Okay—now that we’ve covered gifts, let’s talk about how you, as a leader, can help make my birthday wish come true.

YOu’re hearing a lot these days from certain people trying to tell you to stop being kind, stop being inclusive, and just focus on profit and productivity.

And they could not be more wrong. Just because someone says something very often and very loudly to gain clicks and views, doesn’t make them right. Time to get our critical thinking going now more than ever and understand how this thinking serves THEM, not you.

So here’s the truth: empathy isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.
 It’s not “soft.” It’s smart.
 And the best leaders—those who create real impact—understand that.

We’ve seen it over and over: Empathetic leaders build trust faster, retain top performers longer, and deliver better results. But lately, I’ve noticed a worrying trend—leaders feeling the pressure to harden up, to disconnect, to “focus on performance at all costs.”

No. No. No. That’s the old playbook.
And if we want to evolve the workplace—and the world—we have to stop glorifying that.

So let’s turn the tide. Let’s start a movement of enlightened, human-centered leadership. Because empathy doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. It means understanding the why so you can lead more effectively.

And you—yes, you listening—can be part of that change.

Here are three actions you can take right now to make a difference in your sphere of influence:

1. Model it daily.
 Don’t just talk about empathy—show it. Ask better questions. Listen to understand, not to respond. Share your decision-making process openly so people see that you value their input. When leaders model empathy, teams follow suit.

2. Build it into your systems.
 Embed empathy into how your organization operates. Review your policies and incentives—do they encourage collaboration or competition? Do performance reviews include how people treat others? If not, start there. You can’t scale empathy without structure.

3. Protect your own boundaries.
 This might surprise you, but empathy without limits leads to burnout. As I say in the book, your compassion is only sustainable if you protect your own well-being. Make space to recharge. Say no when you need to. That’s not selfish—it’s strategic.

If every leader did just these three things, the ripple effects would be enormous. We’d see more innovative teams, healthier cultures, and better business outcomes.

Now, I often get those naysayers in the room of my keynotes or leadership development workshops. “What about (insert company or leader name here)?”They focus on productivity at all costs, making people work 7 days a week, and it’s how they seem to gain a competitive edge. They are kicking butt and taking names! They are leading our country in innovation and output!

Yes. You’re right. You will always find an example of someone or some organization or even some country that promotes draconian methods to turn a profit or lead their industry. They exist! It’s the way business is done in some places, regardless of not only the human toll, but the loss of creativity, innovation and collaborative thinking that could potentially lift them even higher.

Here’s the thing: I can’t show these people any more data. There is so much data, so much research showing that empathetic and human-centered leadership leads to more innovation, engagement, sustainability, customer loyalty and long -term success. It’s there. I wrote a whole book about it!

So the data is no longer the issue. Showing the contrarians data is not enough. I admit, I’m kind of done.

Done – meaning there’s clearly no more data I can show you. Now, it’s a question of you deciding what kind of leader and person do YOU want to be? Do you want to follow those destructive models? Is that the person you want to be when you go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning? Do you want to know that you are intentionally crushing people’s souls, instilling fear, working people to the bone so that their mental health and family relationships crumble? Is that worth it to you, if you KNOW that operating with more empathy as a leader will still yield you great results -and enable you to sleep well at night with the person you are in the world?

I recently learned about the 9-9-6 work schedule from China now en vogue with Silicon Valley companies. 72 hour work weeks. 9 am to 9 pm, 6 days a week. To get ahead. This is horrifying, people.

We need to be better. We need to appreciate the one life we get to live and understand that we will get the best out of our people to accelerate growth and drive results if we take a more human approach. It’s not just good business sense. It’s ethical. It’s kind. It’s humane.

No one. NO ONE will wish they spent more time at work when they die just to move a stock price a quarter of a percentage point on a given Tuesday in July. Seriously folks. I myself almost died once, from a ruptured brain aneurysm. I tell you now that the client meeting about what to schedule in a partner communication email that I missed was not on my radar. And guess what, the sky didn’t fall and that company is one of the biggest tech leaders in the world and has been doing just fine, thank you very much.

So yes—my birthday wish is that you’ll be part of this movement. That you’ll choose to lead with empathy, courage, and wisdom. Because the more leaders who do, the faster we create workplaces that actually work for people.

And, you know, if you also want to grab some copies of The Empathy Dilemma for your team and make my birthday extra special, I won’t stop you.

Oh—and before I let you go, if you’re ready to really put this into practice, don’t miss my upcoming Virtual Leadership Events. These are interactive, high-impact experiences where we help you and your executive team build trust, alignment, and high performance without burning people out.

You’ll walk away with tangible frameworks, not fluff—and a renewed sense of what empathetic leadership looks like in action.

You can learn more and reserve your spot at Red-Slice.com/leadership-workshop.

And of course, for weekly insights on empathy, culture, and leadership strategy, well, not really weekly but a few times a month really, follow my Forbes column at Forbes.com/sites/MariaRoss.

So as I celebrate another trip around the sun, I’m filled with gratitude—for this community, for your leadership, and for the possibility that we can make workplaces more human, one act of empathy at a time.

That’s my birthday wish. And I hope you’ll help me make it come true.

Now go out there, lead with heart and edge—and I’ll see you next time on The Empathy Edge. Until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind!

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Oscar Trimboli: The Four Listening Villains: How to Listen Deeply to Lead Better

How well do you listen? Like, really listen? We waste so much time, energy, resources, and money due to a lack of effective listening. It causes misunderstandings, rework, mistakes, and in some cases, dangerous outcomes. 

My guest today is a Listening Whisperer! Oscar Trimboli starts out sharing his epiphany moment in a meeting that led to his current work. With over 35,000 people in his research database, Oscar shares the 4 common listening villains that cause barriers at work – and perhaps you can select which one you might be! I share my common villain with all of you, too. We talk about what the best listeners have in common, how listening changes when it’s face-to-face versus online, and practical ways to improve your listening at work and in meetings to ensure engagement and positive outcomes. Oscar shares what he’s learned about how deaf and blind people listen, and he even reveals some ways to listen better when you are utterly bored by a presenter or in a meeting.

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Listen in for…

  • The four most common listening barriers at work. 
  • When interrupting can be an empathetic action.
  • Characteristics of the best listeners. 
  • Ways we can engage when we don’t feel engaged.

“If you focus on the speaker, you’re starting from the wrong place. Listening starts with you. You need to shut down the browser tabs in your own mind so you can create enough space in your working memory.” —  Oscar Trimboli

Episode References: 

About Oscar Trimboli: Speaker, Podcaster, and Author, Deep Listening

Oscar Trimboli is an author, host of the Apple award-winning podcast Deep Listening, and a sought-after keynote speaker.

Along with the Deep Listening Ambassador Community, he is on a quest to create 100 million deep listeners in the workplace.

Through his work with chairs, boards of directors, and executive teams, Oscar has experienced first-hand the transformational impact leaders can have when they listen beyond words.

He is the author of How To Listen – Discover The Hidden Key To Better Communication, the most comprehensive book about listening in the workplace. He’s also the author of Deep Listening – Impact Beyond Words And Breakthroughs: How To Confront Assumptions.

Oscar loves his afternoon walks with his wife, Jennie, and their dog Kilimanjaro. 

On the weekends, you will find him playing with Lego with one or all four grandchildren.

Connect with Oscar:  

Oscar Trimboli: oscartrimboli.com 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/oscartrimboli 

Connect with Maria:

Get Maria’s books on empathy: Red-Slice.com/books

Learn more about Maria’s work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take the LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Facebook: Red Slice Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society. It’s great for business. How well do you listen like really listen? We waste so much time, energy resources and money due to a lack of effective listening. It causes misunderstandings, rework, mistakes and in some cases dangerous outcomes. My guest today is a listening whisperer. That’s my name for him anyway. Oscar Trimboli is an author, host of the apple award winning podcast, deep listening, and a sought after keynote speaker. I admit I found myself kind of nervous speaking with him, knowing that he may be assessing my listening skills. He is on a quest to create 100 million deep listeners in the workplace through his work with chairs, boards of directors and executive teams, Oscar has experienced firsthand the transformational impact leaders can have when they listen beyond words. He’s the author of How to listen, discover the hidden key to better communication and deep listening impact beyond words and breakthroughs, how to confront assumptions. Oskar starts out sharing his epiphany moment in a meeting that led to his current work with more than 35,000 people in his research database, Oscar shares the four common listening villains that cause barriers at work, and perhaps you can select which one you might be. I share my common villain with all of you too. We talk about what the best listeners have in common, how listening changes when it’s face to face, versus online. And practical ways to improve your listening at work and in meetings to ensure engagement and positive outcomes. Oscar shares what he’s learned about how deaf and blind people listen, and he even reveals some ways to listen better when you are utterly bored by a presenter or in a meeting. So many gems. Take a listen. Hi Oscar. Welcome to the empathy edge podcast. I am delighted to have you here today to have a deep conversation about deep listening. Welcome to the show.

Oscar Trimboli  02:53

G’day, Maria, really looking forward to listening to your questions.

Maria Ross  02:56

So before we kick off and share all your insights and wisdom with our audience. Let’s just hear a little bit about your story and how you came to this work of sort of being a, I was going to say a listening whisperer, but that would be counterintuitive. So tell us how you got to this work around deep listening.

Oscar Trimboli  03:14

You have to zoom in to April, 2008 I’m in a boardroom. We’re doing a video conference between Sydney, Seattle and Singapore. It’s the annual budget setting meeting. I’m the director of marketing for Microsoft in Australia. And 20 minutes into this meeting, my vice president, who’s sitting directly across the table, looks me straight in the eye, and says, Oscar, we need to talk immediately after this meeting. Now Maria, when somebody says, Honey, we need to talk. I did not pay attention to anything. I didn’t listen to anything for the rest of that meeting, all I did was take out my notepad and I figured out how many weeks of salary have I got left, and who are the five people I need to call after I get to start networking. Yeah. Yeah. So meeting finishes a little early, and everybody kind of makes their way out the door, and I try to escape. And Tracy says to me, Oscar, please make sure you close the door, because what I have to say to you is really important. I close the door. I start the 10 steps back to the boardroom table. And she says to me, halfway, you don’t know what you did at the 20 minute mark, do you? And I thought, Great, I’m getting fired, and I don’t even know why. And I sat down getting ready for my execution, and Tracy says, Oscar, if you could code how you listen, you could change the world. What I heard was,

Maria Ross  04:32

Oh, I haven’t I’m not fired. Yeah.

Oscar Trimboli  04:36

And the only thing I could blurt out to Tracy was, do you mean code or code? Code? And she goes, Oscar, we work at Microsoft art, I mean code, software. And since then, I’ve been on a quest to create 100 million deep listeners in the workplace. And we’ve coded into three books and over hundreds of podcasts where we interview the best listeners in the world. We’ve created jigsaw puzzle games. Teams and online assessments, and we’ve researched over 35,000 workplace listeners. So the difference between hearing and listening is taking action, and I hope every day I’m monitoring Tracy’s request to code how to listen, not how I listen.

Maria Ross  05:15

I love it. What a great story that we all wanted to listen to because of the way that you told it. But I’m curious, do you still work with Microsoft, or are you on your own now?

Oscar Trimboli  05:26

Yeah, no, I’ve been doing this work for 15 years now, on my own. Probably was another five years after that before I left Microsoft. So yeah, it’s like next week I’ll be going to Denmark working with labor unions and how they listen during negotiations. Oh my goodness, an international assignment with construction companies and how they listen around safety and their clients and legal groups and pharmaceutical companies. So the wonderful thing about technology, even though I’m on the walls, worst time zone,

Oscar Trimboli  06:01

I’m able to work with people all around the world,

Maria Ross  06:03

yeah, well, lord knows the world needs more listening these days to bring us together rather than tear us apart. So let’s talk about this. Then, with these 35,000 people in your database, what are the most common listening barriers at work,

Oscar Trimboli  06:21

the kind of four of them and the research that we did, we asked people, what do you struggle with when it comes to listening at work? And we analyzed all that information in a world before AI, so I literally went through two and a half 1000 responses with it, with the market research company, and we coded them into four. I’ll describe the four, and then I’ll describe the characteristics of each four. So it’s dramatic interrupting lost and shrewd. And these are the labels that people gave themselves, and also the speakers. We also interviewed people from their perspective about speaking. So we didn’t just look at them from a listening perspective. We asked them, What do you get frustrated about when someone’s not listening to you? So dramatic characteristics is, they love to form connection, but their blind spot, their barrier is somebody says, I’m really struggling with my manager. Oh, you think you got a bad manager? Let me tell you about my so they move the spotlight off them, and the speaker says it’s all about them. Unconsciously, they’re trying to just form a connection through a story. They’re not allowing the other person to fully explain what matters to them, interrupting, Oh, I hear a question.

Maria Ross  07:42

Well, I was just going to make a comment on that really quickly without interrupting, hopefully. But, you know, that’s what I term empathy hijacking in the book, where it’s done with the best of intentions, to try to help someone feel less alone, or to jump into problem solving mode, or to just, you know, make them feel better. And you know, we’re doing it from a very pure place, but it completely decenters the narrative away from the person who actually needs to be heard and needs to have time to process whatever they’re processing. So I love that, because one of my past guests shared a technique around that when you’re working with an employee of stop for a minute when someone’s coming into your office, hot right, with a complaint or an issue, and ask them what they need? Do they need you to see it? Do they need you to solve it, or do they need you to just support you? So I love that you’ve identified this listening type that. And I like that. You called it dramatic.

Oscar Trimboli  08:44

Well, you see, I didn’t call it dramatic. That’s the theme that came out of like, the actual labels that, you know, they’re such a drama queen, was the way they described it. Look a little commercial break from neuroscience and why it’s critical that you either don’t interrupt or you don’t share the story. Although we speak in a range of 125 to 150 words per minute, we think on average at 900 the range is 600 to 1600 so if you’re working complex, collaborative, competitive workplaces, you’re closer to 1600 than 900 what does it mean? It means the first thing you say is 14% of what you think and mean Said another way, 86% of what you think and mean you don’t say the first time. So this is the reason why, if you are an empathetic hijacker, you’re actually missing out on what they mean. You’re just hearing the very first output that they’ve got. And most of the time when somebody says, you know, Maria, what I actually meant to say was, or now that I thought about it a little longer, or, as you did, you took a little deep breath in where I said, Oh, I noticed a question. It means you haven’t finished your thought. So for many of us, we need to connect with white, and that’s W, A, I T, why am I talking? And this is because silent and listen share exactly the same letters. So if you want to become a little bit better, and we’ll get to the three other barriers to listening in a second, quite often, knowing the numbers around their speaking speed and their thinking speed is enough for people to go, Oh, I’ve actually got a reason now to pause, to breathe, to ask myself that question, why am I talking? And you’ll be surprised what you learn from that.

Maria Ross  10:42

Let’s finish off with you. I love it. I love it. Yes, please. The other three.

Oscar Trimboli  10:46

Next one’s interrupting. It’s what we thought would be disproportionately represented in our database, but it’s roughly a quarter as well, and they’re the quiz show contestant that presses the buzzer before the hostess asked the question on Jeopardy, and that got a really fast answer to the wrong question, or they may have a really fast answer to the correct question, yet the speaker feels belittle. They feel less than they feel like they don’t matter, and the interrupting listening. Villain is very conscious of time, and their orientation is productivity. So they basically go, been there, done that. I can figure out what they’re going to say next, and I can give you the answer so we can move on. Well, you know what if all they say the very first time is 14% of what they think in one in five cases, you will solve the most correct question. In four out of five, you’re going to get it wrong 80% of the time. And that’s why workplaces are full of chaos, confusion and conflict. So again, if you’re the interrupting listening villain, just ask yourself that question, why am I talking? The next one lost. They’re very polite people. They’re invited to meetings, and they’re not sure why, or they’re part of a group discussion, and they drift away. They’re kind of not in the meeting. They don’t understand why they’re there. They come across as vague and disinterested, and these people simply need to ask the meeting host, what role do you want me to play in the meeting? Or I’m not clear on my purpose in this conversation, if you’re part of a one on one, if the host doesn’t describe that, then as the Lost listening villain, you want to make sure that you ask that question as close to the beginning of the conversation as possible. In workplace meetings, you may ask the question, look, I’m not clear about why I’ve been invited to the meeting, but if you’d like me to put the customer hat on during this conversation, or the competitor’s hat on during this conversation, or a different department’s hat, a regulator’s hat, then you can play a really, really powerful role. If you don’t feel safe enough to ask that question, then just adopt the position of somebody who’s not in this meeting, who’s impacted by this and you will bring a powerful external perspective to the conversation. And then finally, the shrewd, listening villain.

Maria Ross  13:19

That’s an intriguing title. Well, they’re the kissing

Oscar Trimboli  13:22

cousin of the interrupting listening villain, but they’re a little cleverer. It looks like this, if you’re listening on the podcast, I’m kind of giving great head nods. I’m stroking my chin. I’m going uh huh, and I’m not interrupting you, but if I had closed captioning on what’s going on in my head, it would sound kind of like this. Oh, my God, this is the world’s most basic problem. How slow are they describing this? Yeah, once they get there, they’ve realized that they got three more problems ahead of this. But don’t worry, I’ll save them from the speaker’s perspective. What they say is, I know they’re trying to fix me. And again, it corals. Is friction in the relationship, because that’s how they’re trying to fix the problem. They’re trying to fix me. And when it comes to the shrewd listening villain, just be cautious. Stop listening to what they say and start to listen to how they say it. Are they talking about the past, the present or the future? Are they talking about themselves or external factors as well? So those four again, dramatic interrupting, lost and shrewd. Think of the worst listener, you know, Maria. Which villain are they?

Maria Ross  14:39

That’s a hard one.

Maria Ross  14:41

I’m not asking you to name the person. No, I’m not. I’m not

Maria Ross  14:44

going to name the person. It’s interesting because I think I don’t know if this is just based on recent experience I’m having right now. It’s it might be the a tie between dramatic and lost,

Oscar Trimboli  14:56

and we listen differently at work than we. Do at home, yeah, and we have a primary and secondary listening villain. So I’m shrewd at work. You know, you can imagine the kinds of people who approach me who would like some work to help you, and like, I’ve got a database with 35,000 people. I’ve got correlations out to Wazoo Yeah, I’ve been there and done that and got the cigar yet at home, I’m lost. When my two brother in laws bang on about religion, I’m completely checked out. They’re bang on about the religion of canon versus Nikon. They’re into photography. That’s their religion, like my phone is my camera, right? So occasionally they throw me a bone and say, What do you think Oscar? And I go, sorry, what’s the question?

Maria Ross  15:41

Oh, wait, I didn’t know I was going to need to interject. And I will say, and I wrote about this in the empathy dilemma that, and maybe even some of my other books too. I am an interrupter because I get so excited about what people are saying. And also I have this thing where I think I’m going to forget, and I want to make sure I throw it out there. And usually what I do out of I try to, out of empathy and kindness, say, You know what? Here’s the thing I wanted to say, but let’s put a pin in that so I don’t forget it. But keep going with your

Oscar Trimboli  16:12

story. Yeah. And if you get a chance, go back and listening. Listen to Maria’s episode about why active listening is so hard. Interrupting is not wrong or incorrect when it comes to listening done well, skillfully and professionally, interrupting can be a great sign that you’re listening. The difference is people are not conscious when they interrupt mid sentence, mid breath or mid thought, if you can allow them to complete their breath, complete their thought, complete their sentence, the interruption doesn’t carry the same weight. In the episode that Maria recorded, she talked about cultural variation in interrupting. So for example, in Eastern Europe or South America, interruption or talking over the other person is a sign of a very strong relationship. So there are cultural variations in interrupting as well. But please don’t think that interrupting is bad. If you’re hosting a meeting and someone’s going on and on and on and well away from the agenda, this is your permission fully interrupt them and bring them back to purpose.

Maria Ross  17:21

Yeah, I mean, because that’s also un empathetic, is to not is to sort of lose control of a meeting where someone is taking up so much space that other people can’t jump in. So that is so useful. And I just want to say, I just want to ask, I guess, a follow on to that is, you know, we were talking about, these are the most common listening barriers at work. And what would you say is the most detrimental outcome of any of those? What does it look like when those barriers exist? What is the outcome for the people on the other side?

Oscar Trimboli  17:55

For the people on the other side is reduce trust meetings that take way too long, or meetings that re you get revisited when you apply these techniques, and the measure we use is your meetings are shorter and you have fewer meetings. The opposite is true too, when the group is not listening effectively and communicating in a way that’s about the purpose. Meetings tend to take longer, or even if you have short meetings, you come back because somebody comes back to the next meeting and says, Oh, great, Maria, here it is. I’ve delivered what you want. And Maria says, Oh, actually, that’s not what I meant. What I meant was this. And then there’s a whole rework. And depending on how senior you are in the organization, that rework can have some major implications for other people, and there’s a cascade impact of that ultimately less profitable great customers that you want. They go to the competition because your competition listens better than you do, and then employees leave because they feel like they haven’t been heard.

Maria Ross  19:03

Okay, so let’s switch gears, and let’s talk about the right way to do things. So what are the best listeners have in common? What are some of their tricks and rituals?

Oscar Trimboli  19:11

Yeah, well, their characteristics are, they’re open, they’re flexible, and they’re curious. That was the consistent themes that came across. And the first thing that they do differently is they don’t focus on the listener as sorry. They don’t focus on the speaker as the start of their listening. If you focus on the speaker, you’re starting from the wrong place. Listening starts with you. You need to shut down the browser tabs in your own mind so you can create enough space in your working memory. Listening is a relatively modern process in the human brain. We learnt to see much earlier in our evolution than we learned to hear and learn to speak. So you know, you mentioned, why is active listening so hard? It’s hard because we have so many components. Heating priorities in our mind. So when it comes to listening, great listeners are very open to start off with, because they manage their state. They have very simple rituals to start. First one is they don’t start the meeting at the top of the hour or the bottom of the half hour. They schedule space in their invitation for the other person. So practical tip number one, if you’re still doing meetings at the top of the hour, you’re going to have people rushing in five minutes after the end of the meeting. Go, sorry, I’m late. I just had a back to back meeting, but I’m here. I’m ready. I’m here now. Well, they’re not. They’ve arrived at five past the hour, but their mind arrives at about 10 past the hour. So create that space, not just for you, but for the others you interact with as well. Pre meeting, have a ritual where you drink a glass of water before the meeting commences. Why? It sends a signal to the parasympathetic nervous system, that’s the nervous system around your heart and lungs, that’s the survival instinct, and it says, relax, everything’s okay, and it will help to shut down those browser tabs in your own mind. And then just notice your breath and take one deeper, longer breath than normal, sends exactly the same signal to parasympathetic nervous system. If you don’t have a glass of water, hold it and then exhale. Typically, we’re holding it for between three and five seconds longer than normal, and it will shut down another browser tab. So they manage their state and they get ready to listen. The next thing they do is they’re clear on purpose. So a meeting. May have an agenda. That’s what we’re discussing, but they’re very good at the purpose of the discussion. How are we going to have the conversation? How are we allocating time? How do we know if we’re on track? And they typically ask a version of a very simple question, what would make this a great conversation? Not what would make this a great conversation for you? If the conversation is between two people, there are three entities present in that dialog. You them and the conversation. We are tracking the conversation, not the speaker, not the listener. The reason we ask that question is it gives us a permission slip to check in regularly, every 10 minutes and say Maria at the beginning of the conversation, you said this would make it a good conversation. How are we tracking? By the way, it’s a great permission slip to interrupt somebody who’s carrying on as well. Finally, they’re very conscious of how people say things and creating the space to let them get the first 125 and the next 125 words out. Please be careful listening in the workplace is not therapy. It’s not your job to be their psychiatrist, their psychologist, or anything you’ve seen on Netflix on a

Maria Ross  22:59

couch. I just wrote an article for Forbes that’s called why you don’t need to be your employee, psychologist or therapist. Yeah, so I hear you. I’m with you. It doesn’t mean they’re on your couch. And what was one of the quotes from my book, one of the leaders I spoke to said, I’m very clear that I’m not here to help you discuss boundary issues with your mother in law. That’s not why I have this job.

Maria Ross  23:20

And I thought that was such a great way of putting it,

Oscar Trimboli  23:22

yeah, yeah. And even though they manifest regularly in the workplace, and I was working with a leader just yesterday who’s incredibly and beyond frustrated about the way employees interacting with them, and I simply asked, you know, they had used the word frustration. And I said, What’s that frustration about? And they were like, as if they had up fire hose and they were squirting it all over the employee, and they’d finished. And I said, and what is it about for you? And you could see this big shift in their state. They took this big breath out, and I went, Yeah, I guess I got some work to do. I said, Well, the good news is you won’t be doing that with me. It’s like there are other approaches to doing that. So better listeners manage themselves. Notice that there’s a process we need to put in place. And what will make this a good conversation? What would make this a good meeting? What would make this a good whatever or productive? Your choice of words, and they’re skillful to understand the silent and listening have the same letters, and we were in a team workshop with a tech company, and they’ve been growing at 30% per annum. And although that sounded great, the market they were operating in was growing at 200% per annum, so they weren’t growing as fast as they could. And they were frustrated. We had a leadership team, and I simply had them before the lunch break. And I said, describe this organization as an animal. And we went all. Around the room, and it was a cheater or an Osprey or an eagle, and it was basically something that was fast and kills things. 12 people in the room. We came to the very last member of the group who hadn’t spoken the whole meeting, card carrying member of the introvert community, and a CFO. And I simply extended my arm out to her, and I didn’t say, speak up or anything like that. And she said, I thought it was obvious. And she stopped, and everybody kind of like, hurry up and finish. Hurry up and finish. And she said, I thought it was obvious. I thought we were a snake. So Maria, I’m curious, what were you associating with a snake? What adjectives are you using to describe a snake?

Maria Ross  25:43

Well, I feel like at that point I’d go tell me more about that. Because is she meaning a snake from a like, attack and sly and sneaky angle, or was she meaning a snake of like, sort of wrapping herself around in circles.

Oscar Trimboli  25:59

When you think of a snake comes to mind for you.

Maria Ross  26:02

I imagine something very ominous and something very dangerous and sneaky, and you never know what it’s going to do next. Yeah.

Oscar Trimboli  26:12

So I didn’t say tell me more, because if I was from a different culture to the dominant culture in the room, and I just extended my hand just a couple inches further out, and she said, she repeated, I thought it was obvious. I thought we’re a snake. We’ve forgotten to shed our skin every season. We have systems and processes and mindsets that are holding our organization back. And if we learn to shed our skin, we can grow as fast as the market now, the meeting went from a bunch of group think, which is listening for the similar, because we have orientation to listen for similar and because I speculate, rarely is she invited into the conversation, and you don’t have to verbalize it to invite it in. Just a simple gesture can work. The meeting trajectory completely changed. Everybody started to talk about their process that had been fossilized, or, you know, the skin hadn’t been shed, and the meeting was supposed to have lunch. Just before she spoke, they went on for another 35 minutes, and the level of engagement was very, very different. Now, what happened was they took the metaphor and they started using snake varieties as code names for their product development. They had internal awards based around different kinds of snakes in the West, snakes have very negative connotation because for many people, the origin story the first story they learn. What you don’t know about the CFO, the culture she was from, is Chinese where a snake means something very, very different. The connotations about agility and skill, not a negative connotation about sneaky and ominous and all would you use there Maria to describe that so listening, sometimes we think exclusively as kind of one on one, kind of conversations. The good meeting hosts get everybody to listen to the active speaker. Great meeting hosts get everybody to listen to each other, and that takes a lot of pressure off your listening as a host as well. So I wonder what you’re taking from the snake story. Maria, Well,

Maria Ross  28:28

it’s interesting because, you know, I was not in the room, so I was not aware of the ethnic difference there. I think that would have factored in. But I love how you unlocked and got them excited about what was happening after that, because they genuinely stopped and listened instead of continuing to engage in groupthink. That’s kind of what I’m taking away with it. And it it’s, you know, reminding me of, you know, some of the best workshops you facilitate or talks you facilitate is when you bring in the person that doesn’t usually express their opinion, or the people that have been discounted, you know, oh, they’re a squeaky wheel, they’re a curmudgeon. They’re, you know, whatever the story is that they tell. And I have found in client workshops over and over again, the person that people are not sure why they should be in the room, and maybe that person isn’t even sure why they’re in the room, they come up with the best epiphanies in the room because they actually get space to be heard. Because I have no skin in the game, so I am like, No, keep talking. Tell me why you have a problem with this. Tell me why this is so negative. Instead of trying to silence that person, it’s letting them feel heard, and often, not always, but often they come up with that gem that kind of stops everybody in their tracks, like the story you just told. And so that’s that power of having the diversity in the room, but not just having it in the room to the work that you do, being able to listen to. Actively to what they’re saying and take it in and not just humoring

Oscar Trimboli  30:04

them. Yeah, and the really important question you want to be asking yourself, if you’re moving up the levels of listening, is what’s not being said. And as Pam mentioned in her interview with you, what perspectives from outside the room are not being represented inside the room, right? One of the things is that these card carrying members of the introvert community amazing synthesizers so they can play back to the group what they have heard in a way that the group can’t articulate. Equally, they also say what’s absent. Unfortunately, they say it much too late. So imagine a one hour meeting at the 40 minute mark. They’ll say, Well, we haven’t even talked about the competition, or we haven’t even talked about the customer, and it feels like a hand grenade to the group. Progress for the introverts out there who have some superpowers when it comes to listening around synthesis and noticing the abstinence speak earlier in the meeting, and you will create much more momentum in the conversation and bring more people along, rather than slowing down progress with an Outstanding and insightful observation at the wrong time.

Maria Ross  31:24

Okay, I have so many more questions for you. I love this so much.

Oscar Trimboli  31:27

Oh, we can come back again. We can come back another episode. I do

Maria Ross  31:31

want to ask you, first of all, more of a meta question of

Oscar Trimboli  31:36

how not on Facebook? Haha. I It’s

Maria Ross  31:41

more about, how can you learn to be a good listener? What can what mental game? What mental gymnastics Can you play? What practices can you do internally when you’re genuinely bored by what’s taking place in the meeting or what’s taking place in the presentation? What are some ways that we can engage when we don’t feel engaged, if at all? I guess that’s also the question too. Is it possible?

Oscar Trimboli  32:11

Yeah, so there’s three perspectives on that. Quickly. Number one, we need to unlearn what we’ve learned about listening to become better listeners. We learned to listen at 32 weeks inside our mother’s womb. We could distinguish our mother’s voice from any other voice in the outside world, so we knew how to listen before we were born. Unfortunately, as we move into our homes and our cultures and our parents and our aunties, we learn how they role model listening, and we become a facsimile, a copy of them as well. So sometimes it’s not what’s the hack I need to

Maria Ross  32:49

learn? I know I hate using that word, but yeah, it’s just what do

Oscar Trimboli  32:53

we need to unlearn to get there? The second part for the specific question you ask is it is common to be bored and drifted off. And here’s the reason why. Back to the neuroscience. Remember, we talked about the speaker 125 words per minute, and they can think of 900 here’s what’s going on for you as a listener. They’re talking too slow, in fact, to prove the point, at least half this audience is playing back this recording at a speed faster than one time speed. Yeah, yep, truth. So you can listen and comprehend at up to 350 400 words per minute. So I’m speaking four times slower than you can process and you’re bored and drifting away, and that’s okay. The hack is simply this, what do I want to get out of this conversation and start to zone into that? That’s why a great meeting host will make sure they go around the meeting and understand what everybody is listening for or wanting to get out of the meeting. If you’re bored, just simply look at the eyes of the active speaker for five seconds. Use that as a mental reset. Now, it’s much easier to do on video conference, because it doesn’t come across as staring right or intimidating, right being face to face meetings, just notice the eyes of the speaker and see if you can figure out what color their eyes are. When I interviewed Christina BERGSTEN, who’s the world champion military sniper, and she uses techniques where she focuses on leaves because she has extended periods of boredom, but she needs her full attention in a in the work she does. So find something you can focus on for short periods of time that has variation based on this. So eyes What color are mine? Mine actually is slightly different left to right eye, slightly different color. As an example, you’ll be surprised how many people have variation in eye color. If you use that simple hack number two, write down, why am I here? Yeah, because you the best thing you might do with your listening is leave the meeting. You don’t need to be there if it’s not effective for you, or you’re not there to represent others. So sometimes the final tip is, Why stay? The most effective thing you might do is leave the meeting.

Maria Ross  35:37

Such good stuff. You brought it up. So I want to just follow that thread a little bit. What? How does listening change for us in face to face versus video meetings, because we are dealing with a lot of environments that are still remote or hybrid. So how does listening show up differently in a face to face environment versus an online environment?

Oscar Trimboli  35:59

Yeah, extraordinary variation. We’ve written 110 page guide to how to host an online meeting from a listening perspective, and some of the things that people show up something we don’t know about listening. We either listen with our eyes first and our ears second, or our ears first and our eyes second. Now the easiest way to figure out which one you are, close your eyes while you’re listening to this, unless you’re driving and please keep your eyes open. And Maria, if you want to play the game, you can close your eyes a little bit. And what happens is, if your primary visual first and auditory second, if your eyes are closed right now, you’ll find this conversation really frustrating you as desperate to see what body language signals are coming across. So if you’ve played the game, you can open your eyes right now. So I’ll just ask Maria, was that something that was comfortable or uncomfortable for you?

Maria Ross  36:56

It’s a little uncomfortable. And I think you’ve just landed on why I try to like audio books, but I can’t. Oh, even though I’m reading, I’m not watching somebody speak. But for me, it’s also a it’s a cognitive thing, I think too, of like, I can retain information really well, both visually and orally, auditory, auditory so I find myself like, when I closed my eyes and I was listening to you, I found myself kicking myself, of like, make sure you’re listening, make sure you’re listening, make sure you’re getting it, make sure you’re getting it. And I do that much more naturally when I can both see and hear. But what I love about this is this brings about a point of empathy in regards to people that are disabled and the different senses that they need to rely on in order to listen, even if they’re hearing impaired, right? How do they process and take in information, and what are the different ways that we can honor that for people and not just assume there’s one modality for communication that will serve the needs of every person in our group or organization or team.

Oscar Trimboli  38:13

Yeah, and I’ve interviewed deaf people and I’ve interviewed blind people about how they listen, so a very simple tell us about that of empathy is when I interviewed Dame Evelyn Glennie from the United Kingdom, who was the first deaf percussionist in the royal Symphony Orchestra. For example, She She applied and they rejected her the first time. But one of the things I did, I spoke to a deaf interpreter before the interview, and you will notice I’m wearing a black shirt. By the way, for most of you who are listening, I’ve got a black shirt on. This is designed to create maximum contrast for anybody who needs to lip read with me as well. Now, when I interviewed Dame Evelyn Glennie at the end of the interview, she said, this was by far the most different interview I’ve ever had. And a point she made is, you didn’t treat me as a deaf person. You just had a conversation with me now deaf since the age of 12, and she learned to lip read, so it was crucial that I had contrast in my body so that it will maximize what’s around my lips. But Dame Evelyn Glennie would teach all of us is, do you listen with your whole body, not just your ears and your eyes? You listen with your complete being? And when she plays percussion to listen to the other instruments she plays barefooted as an example. But I also have interviewed blind people, and Daniel Kirsch is an amazing example of that. When I interviewed he had a selfie stick on a camera, on his sorry cell phone, and to welcome me into the discussion I had with him. He showed me all around his house. He showed me his cats. He took me outside. He showed me his orange trees, and the whole conversation was had walking now, Maria would appreciate this. As anybody recording any interviews, you’re freaking out, it’s like background noise and all of this, Daniel maintained complete eye contact with me during the whole interview. There was minimal background noise, and he was quite possibly, like, I don’t have favorite children or grandchildren, and I don’t have favorite people that I interviewed, but he would be in the top group if I did have favorites. His ability to listen full meaning, not just for what we were discussing, was extraordinary. And again, he said to me at the end of the interview, Oscar, it was great. You never mentioned my blindness once. Treat me like a normal person. And I think when it comes to us thinking about people who don’t necessarily have the same way we listen or the same way we see, we think that maybe they’re less and they’re not. So one of the big things, I would say, is back to your original question. If you really struggled with that exercise, you tend to struggle more with listening in video conferencing than face to face. So visual people prefer the face to face because they’re getting more non verbal cues from the room that they’re present in if you’re auditory, you don’t mind. You can work with that too. That equally, you find it a little frustrating where people don’t get to the point as quickly as possible, too. So there you go, primary auditory, primary visual.

Maria Ross  41:37

I love it. I mean, I know we could talk for another hour, but we’re going to wrap up and we’re going to guide people to your wonderful books. You’ve got the book that just came out in 2023 which is that’s not deep listening impact beyond words and breakthroughs. That’s that book came out prior to that yes,

Oscar Trimboli  41:59

yes, yeah. Okay, yeah, that’s how to listen, the most comprehensive book about listening in the workplace.

Maria Ross  42:04

That’s it. That’s right, that’s just came out, and I think that that’s we probably just got a taste of what’s included in that book in this discussion today. So we will have the link to that book and other resources in the show notes. Do you want to take a second to tell folks about the listening quiz?

Oscar Trimboli  42:21

A lot of people say, hey, Oscar, where can I learn more about my listening? So I invite you to explore what are your primary and secondary listening barriers? If you take the seven minute quiz, you’ll get asked 20 Questions. You’ll get a resource which is five pages long tells you your primary and secondary listening villain, and we give you three tailored tips based on your responses, what industry and profession you’re in that are very practical and you can use immediately in your next meeting. So go to listening quiz.com to learn all about

Maria Ross  42:50

that great. And we will have that link in the show notes. But just because I butchered it earlier, I want to give the name of the book again that folks should check out how to listen discover the hidden key to better communication. Oscar, it’s been a pleasure talking to you today, and I hope we continue the conversation and the listening as we go forward and we’re connected now. For folks that are on the go and can’t access the links in the show notes right now and they’re just listening, where’s the best place they can contact you or find out more?

Oscar Trimboli  43:21

Oh, to find out more about the listening quiz, that’s it calm, nice and simple. And if you want to get into contact with me, all the coordinates for contacting me at listening quiz.com also

Maria Ross  43:35

wonderful listening quiz.com thank you again for your time and for your insights today. Thanks for listening, and thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please rate and review or share it with a friend or a colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind. You announcer For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathy edge calm. There. You can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria, never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Lane Byrum: When Lack of Empathy Costs Your Company Millions

How much better does taking an empathetic approach impact not just your leadership, but your ability to bring the right products and services to market nd truly connect with your ideal customers? Turns out, it can help you avoid costly advertising campaign failures!

Today I talk with Lane Byrum, EQ coach and Director of Corporate Accounts for Five Capitals. Lane shares one of the most powerful stories I’ve ever heard about blending business with human connection, how empathy got real for him in that moment, and how it changed the team and consumer. He also gives a great example of how one company wasted millions of dollars on a brand-damaging ad campaign that missed the mark when it failed to dive deeper into empathy for your target audience – and how they put ego aside, took responsibility, and re-did the research to launch a breakthrough campaign instead! We discuss how empathy helps you break away from putting people into labels and boxes to form better connections. He shares three ways to get curious without sounding like you are interrogating someone. And Lane shares how to use empathy as a tool in a healthy, compassionate way with four steps to engage in a deeper connection at work – or at home!

To access the episode transcript, please scroll down below.

Listen for…

  • The research project that made empathy real for Lane.
  • Why empathy is first and foremost about acknowledging, not fixing or solving. 
  • Key steps to engage in a deeper connection with others. 
  • How to use empathy and storytelling as a tool. 

“You have to be courageous in these times, because there are a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t (be) that sound right, – until you use courage and empathy, you won’t understand how wrong those reasons are.” —  Lane Byrum

Episode References: 

About Lane Byrum: EQ Coach and Director of Corporate Accounts, Five Capitals

Lane brings 18 years of experience in qualitative research with Fortune 500 companies, and now devotes his work to developing emotionally intelligent leaders and teams. As an Enneagram Type 2, Lane’s approach blends deep self-awareness and empathy to create lasting growth—one conversation at a time. Whether through individual coaching or team training, he helps leaders tune into their inner wisdom and the people they lead to build truly human-centered organizations.

Connect with Lane:  

Five Capitals: fivecapitals.net 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lanebyrum 

Connect with Maria:

Get Maria’s books on empathy: Red-Slice.com/books

Learn more about Maria’s work: Red-Slice.com

Hire Maria to speak: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross

Take the LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy

LinkedIn: Maria Ross

Instagram: @redslicemaria

Facebook: Red Slice

Threads: @redslicemaria

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome to the empathy edge podcast, the show that proves why cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host, Maria Ross, I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy, from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business. How much better does taking an empathetic approach impact not just your leadership, but your ability to bring the right products and services to market and to truly connect with your ideal customers? It turns out it can help you avoid costly advertising campaign failures. Today, I talk with Lane Byram EQ, coach and director of corporate accounts for Five Capitals. He brings 18 years of experience in qualitative research with Fortune 500 companies, and now devotes his work to developing emotionally intelligent leaders and teams as an Enneagram type two. Lane’s approach blends deep self awareness and empathy to create lasting growth, one conversation at a time, whether through individual coaching or team training. He helps leaders tune into their inner wisdom and the people they lead to build truly human, centered organizations. Lane shares one of the most powerful stories I’ve ever heard about blending business with human connection, how empathy got real for him in that moment, and how it changed the team and consumer. He also gives a great example of how one company wasted millions of dollars on a brand damaging ad campaign that missed the mark when it failed to dive deeper into empathy for your target audience and how they put ego aside, took responsibility and redid the research to launch a breakthrough campaign. Instead, we discuss how Empathy helps you break away from putting people into labels and boxes to form better connections, and he shares three ways to get curious without sounding like you’re interrogating someone. Lane finally shares how to use empathy as a tool in a healthy, compassionate way, with four steps to engage in a deeper connection at work or at home. So many great stories today. Take a listen Lane Byram, welcome to the empathy edge podcast to talk to us about, of course, all things empathy and helping people practically embrace empathy without being performative. So welcome to the show.

Lane Byrum  02:56

Thank you, Maria. Excited to be here. Have been following you for a while, so it’s always fun to get to talk to someone you’ve been reading their books and things like that. This is good.

Maria Ross  03:05

I love it. I love it. Well, I appreciate it. Thank you so much. So before we dive into all the goodness, I want to hear your story. Tell us a little bit about how you got to this work, what your passion is around it. We heard your bio earlier, but tell us, like, what lights you up about it?

Lane Byrum  03:23

Oh, my goodness, yeah. So empathy. I joined a qualitative research firm back in the early 2000s and we kind of did things the regular way. We went and recruited consumers, talked to them about the thing we were trying to sell or get them interested in. And it was rewarding, because it’s always good to kind of give someone something that they need once you understand that. But we found that our insights felt very surface, like maybe we could take our insight and use it over here or with that company, and your competitors could use it, and we wanted to go deeper. And so our as a company, we dove in on empathy and explored what it could mean that we used it as a tool in research at the time. Now, since then, I use it in my coaching. I use it I do the trainings and things like that. So I love, love empathy. But that’s where it started, was that that wonderful company I got to work at, named seek, was the name of the company

Maria Ross  04:15

I love that. I mean, you know, you and I both sort of, we have marketing background in different areas, and that’s always the key is really effective marketing is about empathizing and understanding who your ideal client is, your ideal customer. And that’s why I’ve loved partnering with research firms. I geek out about, you know, the insights you can get from people about how they really feel about a company and what problems are they actually trying to solve not just what the company wants to tell them, but what they need to hear?

Lane Byrum  04:45

Yeah, and it’s and if you’re just going to run with a verbatim that someone says, it’s probably going to fall a little flat, you need to get underneath that with the verbatim feels like the what, right? And we want to get the why behind the what kind of get to get up. Underneath that and find that. So, yeah, empathy is a great tool for that.

Maria Ross  05:03

Okay, so I want to hear your story about a particular research project and how empathy got real for you. Yeah, what was your big aha moment?

Lane Byrum  05:14

Oh, my goodness. It was a nice to have. For me, it was like, okay, empathy, cool. It’s a great way to connect. Yay, Oh, yay. Then I was on a research project in Mexico City. We were researching toilet paper, of all things, which is just a lot of fun, but if you’ve ever been into that culture, it is such a warm and welcoming culture. Every home we went to, we were doing immersions. Every home we go into, they’d welcome us. They’d wanna fix us dinner, or give us drinks, or try this new tequila we had. It was just all, all just a wonderful thing. We go to our last one, our team is like, on a riding a high because everything had gone really, really good, and knock on the last door, and the door opens, and this lady’s just sad. Her face is sad. She’s like, almost looks like she wishes we weren’t there. And we’re like, we’re here for the thing. She said, Yeah, come on in. Obviously, this is through an interpreter, right? And who were in a local moderator who we were using, right? But you built a vibe, oh, and walked in the door, and it’s like, something heavy is here, and I don’t know what it is yet. So we go and we sit down, and we’re like, hey, you know how research goes. We’re gonna ask you a lot of questions, and you’re always gonna have the right answer, because, you know, it’s your opinion. And she goes, Well, let me stop you there. You are not gonna ask me any questions that are personal. You are not gonna ask me about my family, and you are not gonna ask me about anything that goes inside. And we’re like, well, there goes the first hour of

Maria Ross  06:38

Right? That’s kind of why we’re here. Yeah

Lane Byrum  06:41

That’s the stuff we do. I looked over at the local moderator, and she’s like, are you ready to go? Would you just like to go? And I’m like, no, no, no, let’s I don’t know what’s going on either, but let’s go. She wants to start talking about toilet paper. Let’s do that. Yeah. So we’re like, hey, take us. Yes, we’re going to talk about toilet paper. Let’s run to the restroom and we’ll see where you store it, and things like that. On our way there, we passed this room and it’s just wall to wall books. It was like, like a little library in their home. And I stopped, I said, Hey, what are these books? Are these? Are these belong to the family? She goes, Oh, those are all medical journals. I’m a doctor, and so that’s and that’s not even half of them I have. My more current ones are actually at my office where I practice. I’m like, that’s incredible. It was like, a little bit more, not, yeah, who she is. And along the top of all these books were all of these trophies. And I’m like, Oh, those yours too. I see there’s golf and there’s other stuff. And she goes, No, those are my husbands and my son. I’ve never gotten a trophy for anything I’ve done in my life. And it’s just this, this heaviness came back out. Yeah, on the end, there was a trophy that I didn’t recognize. It didn’t have a sports figure on top or anything. I’m like, what’s that one? Because she seemed to be engaging. So what’s that one on the end? And she goes, Oh yeah, that’s my, that’s my and broke down, ran back into the room where the couch was and just sat down sobbing, oh my gosh. And again, my local moderator is like, Should we just go? I don’t know what’s going on, but this is really uncomfortable, right? I said, No, no, no, no, no, let’s go back in. Yeah. So this time I went back in, and I kind of broke a little bit of protocol. I sat down on the couch next to her. Usually, that’s where the local moderator sits the talk. And you kind of I sat down next to her and she’s sobbing, and the local moderators like, let’s just go. And I’m like, Just give it a second. Yeah? And I’m an empath, and I’m also an Enneagram too, so I’m very much dialed in to emotions of others and wanting to help. Yes, you’re very much. So I couldn’t sit there and just let her cry, yeah? And I reached over and grabbed her hand, and she looked over at me, I’m bawling. I don’t even know what I’m crying about in the right? I just know you’re crying. And I don’t I this is uncomfortable, and I know this is something heavy,

Maria Ross  08:52

Right? You’re just sitting with it in her, with her in it, yeah?

Lane Byrum  08:55

Being in the moment, just there. I didn’t have to say anything. She turned, her eyes just pouring in ice. And she turned and she goes, that was an urn, and that was my son, who I lost just two months ago. Well now we’re all crying. Everyone in the room is crying, and I’ve got both her hands, and we’re shaking. We’re crying so hard, and we’re an ugly crying, ugly crying going on. And she goes, but through that experience, I learned how to truly love, and so now I’m crying even more, and I’m like, I want to ask questions. And she said it was the most helpless feeling I’ve ever had. I’m a doctor, and I couldn’t do anything to help him. They were crying even more, and then she kind of stopped for a moment. She gathered herself, and she looked at me, and she smiled, and she goes. But I learned one thing, that I’m a damn good mom, and we and so we’re crying. I’m holding her hands, and I’m talking, I’m like, You are a good mom. I’m sure your son felt that from you. I’m sure you got all that we sat there for maybe two. Three more minutes and everything about her change. All she needed in that moment was for another human to be a human with her. Yeah, that’s all she needed, just another human. She bubbled. She became bubbly. Her husband came in. She was making fun of him. Are you out there playing tennis again? You’ll never be as good as Federer. But yeah, go back to the like, just all this banter back and forth. She wanted to make us a meal. She wanted, and we couldn’t. We had to leave to go run to another

Maria Ross  10:30

You’re also like, we have to ask you about toilet paper

Lane Byrum  10:33

Yes, yeah. We looped it back the toilet paper. Segue, yeah. We got some learnings there. But when we left, after having this deep, empathic moment, we went and sat in the van, about to leave, and just something hit me. And I said, we have to do something for her. We can’t just leave like that’s and then it hit me. We contacted the person that was our contact in Mexico City. We’re like, strange request. Do you know anyone that is a trophy maker or a sculptor of any kind? And they’re like, yeah, we’ve got someone. I described what we wanted and what we needed, and overnight, a local artisan created a trophy that was a mother holding a child, and on the plaque, it had her name, which I won’t use, but it had her full name on there, and all it said was world’s greatest mom. Oh my god, there was, there was no debate about putting the name of our company or the company that was sponsoring the research night. No one wasn’t about that. It wasn’t about that. It was about we had a reaction to what was going on, and we felt compelled to act on her behalf, and that meant showing her that we recognized something in her. You’re a great mom. You’re a really good mom. And so that, for me, was when empathy all it took was just sitting with someone in the moment, not trying to change them, not trying to talk them out of it, but sitting there and just experiencing it with them, yeah? And it was life giving for her, well.

Maria Ross  12:05

And I think that’s the lesson, is that empathy is not about the fixing and the solving, it’s about just being there and acknowledging and giving someone space. And I often talk about the concept of empathy, especially in the workplace, as you know, as a method of information gathering, right let me understand what you’re going through, what your context is, and then I can take a next right step. But that next right step isn’t I solve your problem, or I change my decision, or I do whatever you want me to do. That next right step you intuitively figured out it was sitting next to her. It was listening to her. It was acknowledging her pain. And then, you know, you went further afterwards of like, basically, I heard everything she said. And now let me go do this nice thing for her, right? But we so often jump into the oh, how do I solve this for you? Or how do I fix this for you so you don’t feel what you feel anymore, and I don’t feel uncomfortable.

Lane Byrum  13:04

Yeah, exactly right. That’s exactly right. I do believe that empathy has an action step to it, yes, because otherwise you can right. It’s the compassionate empathy, and I think without that, it borders on a little bit of sympathy, and kind of feels a little wonky. And Brene Brown has that absolutely beautiful video distinguishing between the two, yep. But if it has an action step, it almost becomes even more real. So, so what was beautiful? We had that trophy made. None of us wanted to deliver it. We didn’t want it to be about us in any way, right? We had someone courier. Well, they were supposed to take it at like three and then report back to us. How was she did she accept it? How did it go? 330 came, four o’clock came. Five o’clock came. 530 came. He finally reached out and goes, I’ve been trying to get away. She made me dinner. We drank her new favorite tequila. She showed me a video of her son that had just passed like of him playing golf with her, like he got trapped in that moment, but in the good way. And I’m right, we’re so sorry. He goes, Are you kidding me? That was the best meal I’ve had forever. She was amazing, right? So, right, there’s this, there’s an action step of it, and this, that’s true,

Maria Ross  14:13

and I’m going to challenge you a little bit on that though too, because the action is the listening, the action is the sitting. The action isn’t always the gesture, which was a wonderful gesture because you heard her and you acted on what you heard. But you know, just to help folks listening to understand that it’s not always about the solution or the grand gesture or the whatever the action, in and of itself, can be, the sitting and the listening and the acknowledging and the sharing and giving someone space, right? The other action, quote, unquote, that you took was you gave her emotions space. You didn’t jump right back into the reason that you were there, because it was, you know, well, this is why we’re here. And. Maybe if I just keep plowing through this, she’ll feel better, right? Yeah, so I just want to acknowledge that that that, in and of itself, was such a beautiful action of an act of compassion that you gave to let her just be and let her just feel right. And that’s the thing that’s so hard for so many of us, and especially in the workplace, it’s no my job as a leader is you’re coming to me because I need to solve your problem, right? Absolutely. So talk to us a little bit about, you know, after that epiphany, and after that, not even epiphany, but where that really came home for you, with your work with leaders and teams and helping them. What makes empathy so important? What are the things that you tell them? I know we talk about that on the show, but what are the things that have resonated for your clients that really bring it home for them without having an experience like

Lane Byrum  15:54

that in the culture that we currently live in, it is so important to recognize the human that is in front of you, and so often that that person in the other side of you has a label. You’ve labeled them by class, by race, by how they act. You’ve got all of these. You’ve put them in a box. Empathy, I believe, is a way to break out of that box and see the other person as a human, as someone worth connecting to someone that has a story. We walk around as the stars of our own movies, right where we are the leading role, and we have to recognize other people have their own movies going on. And if we can somehow step inside that and learn a little bit about who they are, and it gives us insight into what makes them tick, it gives us insight into how to deal with issues that might come up in a relationship, possible issues that come up at work, even if it’s performance, there’s always a story behind it’s not it’s really just, I don’t care anymore. It’s usually, there’s a story underneath it that gets to what’s going on, what’s actually happening, right? But we don’t get to those deep places very often. Right? Business, we really like to keep it very surface level, and because we have this vision that it’s messy or it’s ugly and it’s not, it’s beautiful, and yes, it may get a little messy for a minute, because that’s what emotions are, man, emotions can get messy. They really can’t, but they’re just a signal that something else is going on. And emotion is just a signal like, hey, there’s something else here. You should be paying attention to this. Yeah, well,

Maria Ross  17:29

and that’s why the curiosity aspect of like, oh boy, even the fact of what you in that story you were describing, you were curious. Your eyes were open, you were wanting to find out more. And I think some of the work that I do with leaders and teams is for those that are not necessarily touchy feely, emotional people, and they feel awkward, they feel like they’re interrogating someone when they ask questions. So have you landed on something with your work and your clients? That’s a more comfortable way for them to start getting curious and asking those questions, and to show that curiosity without making it feel like they’re just drilling someone with question with inappropriate questions, right?

Lane Byrum  18:10

Absolutely. And it’s probably just like three simple, simple things to remember. One, you got to remember that empathy requires courage, because it does. It is maybe one of the more courageous things you’ll do is to be a human with another human, opening yourself up to their experience. It’s a some writers call it deselfing, but deself a little bit allow that other person to share their experience, then a little bit of a heightened awareness of yourself. It’s not just what they’re going through, but what is what they’re telling you doing inside of you, because if you can recognize that, like that story, when she started sharing that her she had lost her son, you know what I connected inside of me was when I lost my mom, because I was trying to think, what would I be feeling in the moment of losing something like this? And I hadn’t lost a child, but I lost a mom, and I immediately that’s what stirred me even more, was recognizing what’s happening inside of me is because I’m connecting to that place because of her story. And then that last piece is just recognizing the remembrance of the common human bond we share more. What is it? 99.9% we’re exactly the same? It’s that 1% we spend so much time on trying to be different or an individual, we have way more in common than ever. So I was to your point. I was working with a team recently, and the leader of the team said, I like it. Empathy. Sounds cool. I don’t have time for it. I just, I moved to, oh yeah, I’ve got, I’ve got things to do yes and have time for that. And it took a while we walked through that, these three things. And he kind of got underneath a little bit and started recognizing so if I slow down, I can speed up on the other side. And for that has been a learning over time. Empathy is very much a slow down, right? And then you get to. Speed up, because after you’ve connected with the other human, you understand their story. You can on the back end, you’re functioning more as a team, more together, because you understand each other on a deeper level. So it’s actually a way to speed up your processes. Then slow down. Sure, you’ll slow down for a minute to connect and understand but the back side is where the payoff

Maria Ross  20:19

is. I always use two analogies to bring this point home. One is, you would never just launch into tactics without a strategy. That’s right. I mean, you shouldn’t, some companies and leaders do, but this idea of, yes, putting together a strategy takes time, but once you have the strategy in place, you can go, you can execute, and everything is aligned and everything is more effective. Secondly, car maintenance, right? If you don’t take the time to if you have a gas car, get your oil changed, get your mileage checkups, if you have an EV getting the battery tested, you know, whatever it is, if you don’t take that time before something goes wrong, then when something goes wrong, it’s harder to recover from. I love that. And you would never, you would never wait until you know you just ran your car into the ground. Because, man, that’ll take a lot more time to recover from, if you don’t make those stops along the way and take that time to go get the car maintained, preventative, right? Just like medicine, it’s preventative, and it just enables everything to flow much more easily. I don’t know about you, but that’s what I hear a lot from leaders, is just the heaviness and the tightness and the overwhelm of leadership right now. And I really feel like empathy is something that sort of loosens that a little bit that if everyone is, if everyone is understanding each other and honoring where everyone else is, it makes those tough situations flow more easily. It’s sort of like loosening the knot.

Lane Byrum  21:54

Yeah, I love that analogy. That’s a beautiful thing. And I think that leader that I was referencing came back to me later, and he actually corrected himself. He’s like, how do I not have time to stop and empathically connect with someone so good? And that’s where he got to. But it took the practice, right? It took the Okay, I’m going to do this. I’m going to do the thing. And once he did it, he’s like, that changes everything.

Maria Ross  22:18

Yeah, once they see the results, right? Absolutely. So that’s, yeah, I was gonna say, how do you help? You know, I was referencing this earlier, and I’m just curious of your approach when you are working with those leaders that are sort of the, you know, arms crossed in front of their bodies. I don’t think this has a place in the workplace. I don’t think I need to get to know my team. They just need to deliver and perform. What kinds of responses do you have to that? Or what do you do to sort of open their eyes a little

Lane Byrum  22:47

bit? Yeah, I think my easiest way through stories, it’s always been stories. The more you can story is a great way to humanize the situation. It’s a great way to share the depth of humanity with someone. So we usually tell stories, and one in if we have time, I’ve got one story, not as long as the last one, but another story. We were working with a client team. It was actually the brand always that was we were working with and they had done this huge global research project.

Maria Ross  23:13

Well, we should level set for anyone that doesn’t know what that they’re familiar with that

Lane Byrum  23:18

yes, yes, always feminine hygiene brand that is one of many we were working with their client team, and they had just done actually weren’t working with them yet. Something happened before we were they did this global project, went into seven, eight different countries, compiled all their learnings, did ideation, handed off their learnings, the insights to Leo Burnett. Another, the advertising agency, yeah, absolutely wonderful agency to work with. They took what they gave them, and this is my thing. It’s like, the better content and the better insights, the depth of insight you can give to an agency like that, the better the product that you’re going to get. On the other end, the better the storytelling is going to be, right? But when you give them surface level insights to function on. They come back. In fact, the campaign they came back with was called, have a happy period.

Maria Ross  24:09

I remember this. I remember this because I’m a woman, and it’s like, that’s BS

Lane Byrum  24:15

And what man wrote it, right? What man wrote this campaign that’s absolutely well, as you can imagine, it bombed horrifically, so much so that they went through a few years of scrubbing it from the internet. It was that much of an embarrassment, yeah. But the good news is someone that was at that company had been through our empathy training, like, Hey, we should call this company. They use empathy, and maybe we can get a little bit deeper. So we redid. This is also a rare thing that happens. They redid. The research worked with us, and we trained the team on empathy, and we went back into those same countries, came back together and wrote a very, very different set of insights that came out of it, which. Led to we, by the way, went right back to Leo Burnett, yeah. We took insights, these new, empathic insights, went back to Leo Burnett, and they created the, like a girl campaign, yeah. And if you have not seen it, listeners, just go to YouTube

Maria Ross  25:15

to it in the show notes,

Lane Byrum  25:16

one of the most beautiful. I like, I still cry, and I’ve seen it literally, I think I account for at least one of the millions that have of how many times it’s been viewed on YouTube, because I use it and everything. It’s just a beautiful of this is what empathy net you. So when you ask, how, what do I do with leadership? I’m like this, yeah, look at this example. This is what it gets you, you know, a Super Bowl commercial that now has, you know, 10s of millions of views over the course of a few years. So if you can show them a little bit of the proof in the pudding, I think there’s something to that for sure that’s gone over, that’s been the most help. I think sharing stories similar to that

Maria Ross  25:51

one, for sure, what a great story. And I will link to that in the show notes, because I do remember that one as well. So and that resonated with me. So love it. Okay, as we kind of wrap up our final discussion point, what are some things that listeners can remember to use empathy as a tool? And let’s also talk about just even that language of using empathy as a tool, because we definitely are not advocating that folks manipulate with empathy, but empathy as a way, you know, as I always talk about, as a strategic advantage, as a competitive advantage. So what are some specific ways that listeners can leverage it and use

Lane Byrum  26:34

it? It is. There’s some simple steps to remember, and in the end, it may feel a bit mechanical as you first but every process is right. The more you use it, the more it becomes second nature. Then you’re not thinking

Maria Ross  26:46

about it. It’s just how you are. It’s muscle memory, yeah, 100%

Lane Byrum  26:50

so some of the simple things that we say is, is, and these may sound rudimentary, but they’re super they’ve been super impactful so far. There’s like four steps. It’s acknowledge, acknowledge that the person you’re sitting across from is different from you. It’s it’s they’ve got their I’ve mentioned that before. They’ve got their own story. They’re moving at their own pace. They’ve got their own set of challenges and difficulties in their life. Acknowledge that they’re different from you, right? So, good or bad, it’s different. Yeah, it’s just different. They’re gonna have their own way of seeing the world. They’re gonna have different reactions to things that you do, and that’s not right or wrong, it just is, and that should, we should start embracing that difference, instead of trying to all be the same. I think there’s beauty in that difference. So if you acknowledge and there’s a certain the next step is you’ve got to decide to connect. You have to decide to connect. And that is maybe the hardest piece in all of this, because once you acknowledge they’re different, that means if I’m going to decide to connect, I’m opening up myself a little bit like I’m going to lay myself bare a little, and that’s very uncomfortable and very different for a work setting. It just is. It’s not. We’re not used to going to that level of depth with people, so that whole deciding to connect after you’ve acknowledged the difference and then recognize what is going on inside of you. I kind of walked this out a little bit through my story, because you have to recognize what is coming up in you as you listen to what’s happening to them, because you don’t want to get your stuff on their story. You have to keep those things different. You can be I felt like that also, but in the end, it’s not the exact same story, so you’re going to have a little bit of difference. So recognize what’s going on inside of you, so that you can keep those two things separate. And then the last thing is, check back in. Go back to that sounds so simple, but it has worked over and over and over again, is check back in. Hey, I’m picking this up from you, and you said, this is that, am I right? Is that emotion that I’ve just called out? Is that even the thing, because what you’re going to get from there is you are listening. Is one, you listen to what I said. Two, you know what that is, the emotion that I was sharing, and here’s why that’s important, or that was close, but it’s really more this, right. Either way, you’ve got this beautiful, open conversation happening, yeah, and then it kind of can be cyclical. You go right back up to the after they say, No, it was this. You can acknowledge you’re right, acknowledge we are different, and so you are experiencing this different, and you kind of just roll through the process, and you may do that five, six times over the course of a conversation, where you just keep working that process over and over again, yeah. And in the end, there is a lot of writing and things about how empathy can be used in a negative way, in a manipulative way, yeah. And I would say, you’ve got to check your heart. That’s that whole Why are you doing it? What is what is the rationale? Is it? Are you trying to move them somewhere that you want them to be, right? Or are you trying to understand them, but you’re trying to understand them, then that’s it. That is a righteous reason right? Using empathy, it really is,

Maria Ross  29:58

for sure. And I. Love that, you know that idea, I’ve talked about this in other episodes, that reflective listening is just taking that step, taking that beat, and just making sure we’re having the same conversation, and also that like you said, like, I heard you right, right, like, and because if I’m if we’re going to move forward in the conversation, if I have an assumption about what you just said and it’s wrong, we’re never gonna get to a place of common ground, that’s right. And so I love that, because, like you said, the two outcomes are, yes, wow, you were listening. I feel heard, or no, let me correct you. Yeah, actually what I was saying is this, and it’s like, oh, okay, now I have a deeper understanding of what you meant. I was actually overlaying what I thought I heard on you, but really, you know, let me know what is actually being said here and what you actually mean by that. So I love this. This is so great what is sort of like a final piece of advice you can share with our listeners about embracing empathy as a leader, and maybe getting back to this idea of empathy taking courage.

Lane Byrum  30:59

Yeah, I thanks for calling that out again, because I think it does, especially in our current climate, and especially with just what has been traditional work settings. Yeah, using empathy feels foreign, because, like we’re not supposed to talk about those things at work, and in fact, it’s why check your humanity at the door when you come

Maria Ross  31:20

to work. That’s what I say all the time. We don’t. The reality is, we don’t. We can’t, right,

Lane Byrum  31:24

right, bring your whole self to work, bring all of it to work, and having tools of how to manage that and how to understand one another once you get to work is where the secret sauce is. But yeah, it’s you have to be courageous in these times, because there’s a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t that sound right? And until you use it, you won’t understand how wrong those reasons are right and how much you should be using empathy.

Maria Ross  31:48

I’m kind of feeling like lately, empathy is an act of rebellion.

Lane Byrum  31:52

100% 100% I love

Maria Ross  31:55

joy lately. But yeah, I really think that the harder we can push back against a lot of the rhetoric out there that empathy has no place in business, or empathy is weak. We know from the data and the research that that’s not true. So you know, the voices like yours, the voices like mine, like we need to keep we need to keep beating the drum on that so I appreciate you coming on the show and helping to beat that drum. Absolutely. We’re gonna have all your links in the show notes lane. But for those who are on the go or exercising, what’s one best place they can find out more about you and your

Lane Byrum  32:33

work, the easiest way is to come to our website. It’s fivecapitals.net that’s the easiest way.

Maria Ross  32:41

Awesome. And again, we’ll have that in the show notes. But thank you so much for this conversation today. Thanks for having insights. Really appreciate you, and thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge podcast. If you like what you heard, you know what to do. Please rate, review and share with a friend or colleague, and until next time, please remember that cash flow, creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Take care and be kind. For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy. Visit the empathy edge.com there you can listen to past episodes, access show notes and free resources. Book me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slicemaria. Never forget, empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.