Social media: the forum for those who suck at relationships?

Trolls. Haters. Pompous asses. By now, many of you have experienced those people who think hiding behind a computer screen – and often, near anonymity – gives them the right to throw all manners to the wind.

Whether a blog post comment that personally insults the writer’s mother or a hand grenade thrown via a sharp Tweet, many people have chosen the bring the worst of themselves online. This is not only annoying to others, it can impact your brand in a negative way. But there’s also lesser known offences about how to network and connect which I’m sure you’ve seen.

What gives?

My theory: Many people are bringing their real-life social skill baggage online.

There is no excuse to bring bad behavior online with you. If you suck at relationships in real life, chances are you’ll suck at them online as well. The medium can’t correct for human flaws around self-awareness, egotism, stubbornness, or civility, no matter how much people might think it does.

Some etiquette blunders I’ve seen:

  1. The Assumptive Connection: Sending a LinkedIn or Facebook connection request to someone you’ve never met or have no connection to – and not explaining in the note why you’re connecting or what the value of that connection might be. If I was sitting alone in a restaurant, would you just walk in, sit down next to me and not even introduce yourself if I had no idea who you were? Of course not. Just because you can click a button doesn’t mean you should. If you want to connect, use the Personalized Note space to say how you found me, why we should connect and how we can help each other. There’s a reason this field exists. Note: this is not an issue if you’ve obviously worked at the same company, met the person live/by phone or have done business with them. This is mostly for those who choose to randomly connect via Group Connections.
  2. The Fan Page Hijack: I’ve been a victim of this myself. One of your fans gets a little overzealous with their message and decides to use your business page as a forum to broadcast it to the world. I’m not talking about legitimate wall posts fans may post  – on my Fan Page, for example, I love if people promote their businesses or projects to each other on my Wall and I highly encourage it. I’m talking about someone who starts shouting their cause or message through the Comments. Not only does it derail the curated conversation you’re trying to have, but it doesn’t add any value to the community. If you disagree with a point being made by the page owner, that is one thing. But to craft 3 consecutive comments with links and aggressive opinions that go off on a tangent, that is entirely another. Be civil, people, and remember it’s a community page. PS : I must admit to being a little pro/con on this one, as I’m aware that some folks use this as a forum to get larger companies to listen or to protest, as in the recent Chick-fil-A controversy. I guess I’d argue it depends on the issue and the size of the company. Arguing with a Fan Page owner who supports a certain charity, for instance, is probably the best case of overstepping the bounds.
  3. The Over-Poster: I’m not sure if people realize this or not, but when you post 6 or 7 Facebook or Twitter posts in a row, you affect your friends and followers by “hogging” their mobile stream on a smart phone. One person I know, for example, had really interesting posts, but it got to the point where she’d crowd out all the updates from my other friends on my phone. It’s good to post valuable content – but not 9 or 10 times in a row. That’s just annoyng. There are scheduling tools like Tweetdeck and Hootsuite you can use – and even Facebook allows you to schedule posts on Fan Pages now. Use the tools. Just because it’s easier for you to write all your posts at the same time each day, doesn’t mean it’s easier for your audience to consume them all at the same time. Besides, studies show Fan pages lose subscribers and people lose FB friends if you post too often.

 What social media practices bug you the most? What bad behavior have you seen to add to this list? Please share in the Comments below!

Top 5 Networking Tips from a Pro

How-to-Networking-EffectivelyNetworking. (cue groaning)

Ah, not too many words inspire such dread in a business owner. Images of fake smiles, business cards being shoved in your face and rubbery chicken lunches abound.

Yet in today’s New Economy, where so many folks are building dream businesses and personal brands, networking is a vital part of our marketing plan -and our brand. Whether face to face or screen to screen, it provides a host of benefits – and can even be, dare I say, fun?

Meet networking diva and consultant Sandy Jones-Kaminski. She’s the author of I’m at a Networking Event—Now What???, the #1 pick on the Inc.com 2010 Business Book Wish List. As the principal consultant of Bella Domain Media, she shares practical advice and professional insights about LinkedIn, personal branding and effective networking via webinars, keynotes, workshops, and by facilitating in-person networking events called Pay It Forward Parties.

I adore her and her book’s a treat: very practical, actionable and even entertaining. I first met Sandy – wait for it – in the elevator on the way to a Seattle networking event. While the event itself left something to be desired, meeting Sandy drove home an important lesson: you can find great lasting connections in the most unexpected places if you are open to it.

Today, she dishes on some top networking tips, how to use social media for networking – and where to wear your nametag.

RS; Hi Sandy! Thrilled you’re here. What does “networking” really mean? Do we have to network with people we don’t like, just because of who they are or can we stick to folks with whom we make genuine connections?
SJK: Well, the definition of the word “network,” according to The Oxford Dictionary, is a group of people who exchange information, contacts, and experience for professional or social purposes. So, networking can be defined as the efforts to create this group and each of us can choose the people we want in our group or network. The only people worth having in your network are those with whom you would be happy to exchange ideas, resources, contacts or knowledge.

RS: What are 5 tips you have for getting the most out of a networking event, including any etiquette tips you have?
SJK:

  1. Don’t take networking too seriously. It can and should be fun. Relax, take the pressure off yourself and focus on what you can offer others.
  2. Take a proactive approach and get off the couch or out from behind your screen and get out there. You eventually have to meet people to know if you’ll really connect with them, and the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find the “right” people for you. (It’s almost like dating, isn’t it?)
  3. Improve your outlook and your fortune will change. If you have a negative outlook on networking, you’re probably sabotaging your chances at truly connecting with others. Try approaching networking as an act of service within your community rather than simply expecting to find the elusive new client or opportunity.
  4. Keep the alcohol consumption to a minimum if you’re at an event where it’s being served. Being relaxed is good, but having your buzz on and then acting inappropriately is not a good way to be memorable.
  5. Be polite and considerate because good manners never go out of style or go unnoticed. And remember, nobody likes a one-upper. A networking event is a time to be non-competitive and social in a professional yet friendly way.
  6. Bonus tip: The right side is the RIGHT side to wear your nametag!

RS: How can we use social media more effectively to network in the virtual sense?
SJK: My favorite use of social media is mostly as a follow-up tool. I use social networking tools like LinkedIn to send those “It was so great to meet you and I hope we can stay connected,” messages after meeting someone at an event or presentation I’ve given. And, I also use it as a way to identify people I’d like to potentially add to my network. I find people on Twitter or via their LinkedIn or Facebook company pages to get a sense of them or their biz before making a point to meet them in person at an upcoming conference or live event.

Net-net: To build community, attract new clients and grow your business, you need to include networking in your marketing plans. And you can engage in both online and offline networking to get to success.

4 ways to jumpstart your business after a break

New baby. Extended sabbatical. Major health crisis. Six months abroad…heck, years abroad.

People ebb and flow out of big businesses without a peep. But when you’re a business of one – or even five – who’s left steering the brand awareness ship while you go island hopping?

I had my major health crisis just 6 months after launching my own consulting business. You know what happened? Well, for one thing, time did not implode upon itself – everything that seemed urgent faded away, as it should. While I did miss a conference call the day after my brain aneurysm ruptured (I bet the client never thought they’d hear that excuse from my husband), the world did not end. But practically speaking, the blog went cold, the networking ceased and the cacophony of market noise enveloped my absence like a black hole. In the blink of an eye, my business profile faded.

So how is it that 4+ years later, my business is thriving more than it ever has? How is it that I had the best business year financially not long after I fell into the void?

If you have to take a voluntary – or unexpected – break from your business, here are four tips that served me well in cranking up the brand awareness engine again. These are also useful if you simply need to revive your personal brand after a long absence:

  1. Rev up your blogging: When you emerge from your cocoon, one of the few things you have in your control is the ability to add useful content to the world again. And besides, perhaps your client work is dried up for now so what else have you got to do? Build out a new editorial calendar and maybe amp up your blogging for the time being. Maybe you normally blog once a week, so increase that to twice. Make your content super useful, super sexy and super keyword-rich so you can back on the web radar again. Combine this with sending out a few Tweets and Facebook updates about your latest post and you can boost your exposure efforts.
  2. Jump into the online conversation: Again, you can control your content output, so leverage all those great new blog posts in online forums or communities like Biznik, Bzzhive or Focus – or whatever industry-specific places reign supreme for you. Start commenting on relevant blogs or articles on a consistent basis to raise your profile again. Just target 3 per day at about 30 minutes each day.  Or maybe pitch a few contributed articles to media outlets like American Express Open Forum or Entrepreneur.com for even more exposure and street cred.
  3. Invite key people to your welcome back party: When I returned from my hiatus, I reached out to several colleagues with phone calls or personalized emails letting them know where I’d been and that I was up to my old tricks again and ready for action. You may think people know what’s going on with you but really, they don’t. They are too busy. Reach out individually to trusted contacts via email or Linked In and take them out for coffee to let them know what business or clients you are looking for and kindly ask if they can spread the word for you. Don’t be afraid to ask “competitors” as well – they might be so busy that they are turning folks away so you can help them out, and maybe give them a referral fee in exchange. And always ask how you can help them in return. People are kinder than you think – and it’s a great way to reconnect.
  4. Get out there live and in person: Pick 2-3 key networking groups or clubs and start amping up your face time again. Attend lunches, happy hours, book signings. When I was returning to work after my health issues, this was quite a challenge for me as I was still recovering and suffering from massive fatigue – plus I could drive at the time. But I forced myself to try to go to one live event per week. And I asked gracious friends to drive me. They were only too happy to help, since they didn’t want to go alone either!

There are some people on the periphery of my professional circle who did not even realize I had been out of commission for six months – not sure if that’s good or bad! But it tells me I did a good job of trying to stay connected and present as much as I could.

When it is time to get back into things, have a plan, take action and you’ll rev things up in no time!

How you like me now? A chat with Michelle Tillis Lederman

We all say it. We want to work with people we like. But can it really be this easy to conduct business this way? Can we focus on networking with the people we like and with whom we genuinely connect versus just the “right” people? Michelle Tillis Lederman says yes – in fact, it’s better for your work and career in the long run?

Today we dish about likeability, how to be more concise and three red-hot ways to rethink networking.

Michelle is an author, speaker, trainer and communications expert. She’s a firecracker – and she’s also a blogger, animal lover and rescuer (you can see why we bonded), and a mom.

Her new book, The 11 Laws of Likability, is subtitled: Relationship Networking . . . Because People Do Business with People They Like. The book, featuring activities, self-assessment quizzes, and real-life anecdotes from professional and social settings, shows readers how to identify what’s likable in themselves and create honest, authentic interactions that become “wins” for all parties involved.

RS: Welcome Michelle! Your book is called The 11 Laws of Likability. Saving the actual laws for those that buy the book, what does this mean and how can they make your business life (and personal life) better?

MTL: What makes each of us likable is distinct to us, and to some degree it’s in the mind of the beholder. But the basic drivers of likability are the same for most of us.  It is these drivers that I refer to as the Laws of Likability.

In many cases, likability actually trumps competence and many organizations differentiate the average performers from the stars based on their ability to lead, manage, and interact effectively with others. Life is about relationships and it is those relationships that sustain us and generate results.   Likeability is everyone’s business, and people do business with people they like.

RS: One of your blog posts recently was called “Say What You Want to Say And Shut Up.” Loved it. And for all my talk on clarity, I tend to ramble when I think I’m not communicating clearly. How can we be more concise?

MTL: Start with the punchline.  Is that concise enough?  The simplest way to increase both clarity and brevity is to start with your conclusion. Often, we try to get others to follow our train of thought in order for them to agree with our opinion.  If instead we start with the conclusion, it is much easier to follow, and be persuaded by, the explanation that follows.

Another tip, ask.  Ask, “Is that clear?”  or “Would you like me to elaborate?”  Those questions prevent the rambling and allow us to be clear about what is unclear with a follow up question.

RS: What are 3 actionable tips for effective networking?

MTL: Shift the way you think about networking in 3 ways:

  1. From you to the relationship.  It really isn’t about you or what you need. It is about the relationship and adding value to create connection. Don’t network just for need.
  2. From business to anything.  We often start and stop conversations on business topics such as, “what do you do?” There is nothing wrong with that, but often we find the strongest connections come in other areas of our lives. Talk about a broad range of topics.
  3. From now to long term.  Build the relationships that you want to build, not the ones you think you should. The network that you build based on connection is the one that will be there for you when you need it. Don’t network for now, network for life.

About Michelle: Michelle Tillis Lederman, PCC, author of  The 11 Laws of Likability (AMACOM), is the founder of Executive Essentials, a training company that provides communications and leadership programs, as well as executive coaching services.  Michelle believes real relationships lead to real results and specializes in teaching people how to communicate with confidence, clarity, and connection.

PS: Affiliate links for Amazon in effect. Just to let you know.

What one aspect of networking or communication do you take away from this interview? Please share in the Comments.