Tag: leadership

Leaders: Control or Connect?

Posted on by Red Slice

Recently, I learned (another) leadership lesson from my parenting journey:

Are you trying to control or connect?

My defiant son is learning to navigate who he is in the world, apart from Mom and Dad (if I dare slip up and say, Mommy, he is quick to correct!). You can imagine the arguments, stress, exhaustion – on both sides.

I’ve embraced positive parenting or conscious parenting. But I was raised quite differently and sometimes, well, I mess up.

And by mess up, I mean lose sight of my goals to get a short-term hit of self-righteousness.. 

My goal is to raise a healthy, empathetic, kind, self-aware, self-sufficient human boy. My goal is to encourage him to speak up for himself, express his creativity, and develop a growth mindset.

But those goals go out the window when your kid back-talks you, rolls his eyes, or refuses to do something you’ve asked him to do a million times.

A wise therapist reminded me (several times), my goal is not to control my son. In the macro sense of course. I’m not going to allow him to run out into traffic or anything. He is his own person with unique strengths, challenges, and preferences.  He is becoming who he is becoming and if the goals listed above are truly my goals, then I have to remember to seek connection more than compliance. 

This will ensure we have a close relationship for the long term, so when things get harder for him as a teen and an adult, his Dad and I can still have influence and he will still feel safe talking to us and being honest. No parent wants a child who keeps important secrets or cuts ethical corners to avoid punishment.

That doesn’t mean I let him do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

That doesn’t mean he has no guardrails or expectations.

But in those tense moments, when tempers start flaring, it might FEEL good to shout and scream so loud that I will him into compliance. Or I can take a more graceful tact, regulating my own emotions while still seeing who he is AND standing firm with my boundaries. Being a model for him with my own behavior so he knows what to expect and strive for.

So leaders: Ask yourselves:

Do you want control or connection?

Tight-fisted, authoritarian control may get you short-term compliance, to be sure, from demanding a return to the office, tracking keystrokes and badge swipes, or publicly berating someone at the next team meeting for screwing up – but what does that buy you in the long run?

What are your goals?

Are your goals really to force disengagement (for their own mental health, in that kind of environment), encourage the bare minimum, foster resentment, and lose good, talented people to your competition?

I don’t think so.

Or would you rather create a high-performing team for the long term that collaborates, innovates, solves problems, and gets things done – all while remaining extremely loyal to you and the organization? 

You can still set high expectations.

You can still set boundaries and guardrails.

You can still have difficult conversations and get people to take responsibility and face consequences.

AND…you can do all of that while still prioritizing connection over control. 

Remember your true goals. And choose connection over control. I promise it will be worth it for your goals in the long run.

Photo credit: RD Smith, Unsplash

Leadership Skills for Global Expansion: A Guide for Business Executives

Posted on by Red Slice

This is a guest post, by Sam Cortez. She is a freelance journalist and has held previous internships at 20/20 magazine, Marie Claire, the NY Daily News, and Parenting magazine.

Globalization is an exciting strategy that can significantly improve a company’s revenue and brand reputation. It, however, does not come without challenges.

While the company’s structure readjusts to accommodate the new market, its leadership is also required to navigate the new globalized business landscape efficiently.

Since business executives are the primary decision-makers in their organizations, it is recommended that they are equipped with the necessary leadership skills before commencing an international expansion.

What are leadership skills for global expansion?

Most leaders have their education and work experiences in the same country, which means they are more familiar with their home country’s culture and business operations than other nations across the globe.

Meanwhile, companies with a global presence will likely have more than one headquarters. Managing these various offices, along with the cultural diversities, requires a flexible mindset.

Leadership skills for global expansion are a set of soft skills business executives must acquire to effectively handle business operations in countries other than their home countries. They help to manage growth and tackle challenges in the new market.

Below are the skills you need to succeed as a leader of a multinational company:

Strong cross-cultural communication skills

Any leadership role in a multinational company will require working in a diverse workplace with people from different countries and cultures. It is also possible that some people you will be working with speak a foreign language. 

Meanwhile, research states that meaning may get lost in the translation process. This may reduce the effectiveness of information communicated about the market. 

Since it might be tough to learn and instantly understand a new language, using accurate translation services can help. This allows effective communication with workers and customers in other countries where your firm operates.

Excellent networking abilities

Acquiring networking skills is vital for people looking to work in an international business. Landing a new job is no different from taking a new product to market, except that, in this case, the product you are selling is yourself. 

According to experts, over 70 percent of job opportunities are not published; they are landed through networking. 

This skill makes it easier for existing leaders to acclimatize to the new work environment. Networking can offer invaluable insights into the new market beyond what any market research report can indicate.

Effective collaboration

Success in international business requires effective collaboration. The leaders across departments and countries must be able to collaborate. The company must also be able to collaborate with partners in the new market.

It requires the willingness to learn new things and accept others’ views on solutions. As a leader from another culture, you may need to rely heavily on others who understand the new market. This does not mean you are incompetent. It means placing the company’s interest above your ego.

Interpersonal influence

Every leader, irrespective of the size or complexity of the team they oversee, must be able to influence others. 

This skill is even more important for business executives as they might be in charge of pitching to secure funds or present the company’s goal for a new expansion. You need to know what you are doing before influencing others to come on board.

Workers are best productive when they understand the company’s goals and what they can contribute to achieve them.

Interpersonal influence is a result of good professional relationships, which is only achieved when you can command the respect of your team members. People value leaders that treat every member equally. 

Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence (also known as EQ) is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions. Emotionally intelligent people can also accurately interpret and influence others’ emotions. 

Many modern businesses value EQ above IQ. Over 70 percent of employers believe employees with high EQ are more likely to stay calm under pressure and manage co-workers with empathy.

There are four competencies you will need to improve your EQ:

  • Self-awareness
    Ancient Greek Philosopher, Socrates, advised, “Know thyself.” Self-awareness is the ability to understand your strength and weaknesses. It also requires you to understand the impact of your emotions and strategic decisions on your team’s performance.
  • Self-management
    Emotions are easier to manage when there are no challenges. Self-management, however, is the ability to be able to keep your emotions in check even when there are challenges that seem insurmountable. As a leader, you are the light of your team; your emotion and body language significantly influence their actions during a hard time. 
  • Social awareness
    Social awareness is the ability to quickly grasp the emotions and dynamics in your organization and new market.
    This is best achieved through empathy, putting yourself in others’ shoes, and understanding why they act the way they do.
  • Relationship management
    This is the ability to influence others. It is crucial for effective conflict resolution. No matter how insignificant, resolving conflicts in your organization as soon as possible is important. Unaddressed conflict can result in gossip and other unproductive activities.

photo: Unsplash

Change is Hard – Even When It’s Good For Us

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My son loved his play kitchen when he was a toddler. His toy groceries, pots, and pans came to life for him, so he would bake cakes, fry up eggs, and offer me and my husband dinner, which usually consisted of waffles, a chicken leg, asparagus, and a side of fries – and chocolate milk.

As he got older, he played with the kitchen set less and less. But the thought of donating it terrified him. Especially since his world turned upside down in the Pandemic. One day in 2019, he was in kindergarten, playing with his friends. The next, he was taken home, away from his friends and school, for many, many months – and had no idea why.

As he neared 6 and 7 and he went back to somewhat normal life,  he still clung to what he knew, refusing to make any changes. And that meant we could not give away a single toy or book without drama. Despite telling him we wanted to make room for new toys and games – and bring happiness to another child – he wouldn’t budge. And so the toys collected dust and took up room.

I get it. Change is hard. Even when it’s good for us. Even when it’s worth it.  Even for adults. (TWEET THIS!)

Why?

Change requires us to lead the status quo behind. And that makes us uncomfortable. The status quo is what we know. It’s why moving cities and developing a new routine is hard. It’s also why seasoned leaders sometimes have a tough time embracing a new paradigm of emotionally intelligent and human-centered leadership. Even though our brains know we might land up in a better place, our hearts don’t want to let go. And our brains are wired to exert the least amount of effort on actions and activity – change requires us to think harder again, for lack of a better phrase!

Change means we risk failure. We may not know how to expertly navigate the change. What if we do it “wrong”? What if we cause more harm than good? What if we look like an idiot? What if we don’t know the next right step to take? This often happens to people trying to strengthen their empathy. What if I offend you with all my questions? What if I appear weak? What if someone walks all over me? All valid fears to feel – but also myths about what empathy really means!

Our brains understand the need and desire for change. But it doesn’t make it any less scary and hard.

So I invite you to calm your heart when facing change. We should allow ourselves to feel the emotions associated with it fully. Denying them is pointless and counterproductive. We can grieve the loss of the status quo or our idea of comfort by focusing on all we gain when we change.  And we can seek support as we make the journey – and celebrate achievements along the way by measuring success.

My son has eventually learned the power of decluttering to make room for new interests. He has learned how happy his old toys can make another child. And yes, he gets half the money if we sell the items – no one said you can’t incentivize change!

The only way to live, evolve, and grow is to experience and embrace change. The alternative is to stay stuck and stop learning. And really, who wants that? What is the point of life if you live and work that way?

Photo credit: Magnet.me on Unsplash

What Does Psychological Abuse at Work Look Like?

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You never knew who would be crying in the office on any given day. Today, it was mine. Again. But I would not give them the satisfaction of seeing it.

See, my anger, powerlessness, and frustration come out as hot tears.  

They used to tell us not to “get emotional” at work. But what happens if you are treated like trash? Gaslit, shamed, mentally exhausted, and not at all eager to deliver great work as a result? You suffer – and so does the company’s bottom line.

Once (well, honestly, twice) upon a time, I had to work under psychologically abusive executives.

I don’t use the term “psychological abuse” lightly. I’m not being dramatic. It feels the exact same way as a mentally abusive romantic relationship I had.

From both work and personal, those scars run deep.

We’re not talking about a manager you get along with, or who has rigorous and unflinching performance standards.  It’s about someone who makes you question your very value, ability, worth – and sanity – on a daily basis.

As a Type A overachiever, this was not a case of a perfectionist boss stretching me to deliver my best work. This leader came into a highly functioning team – a team that had been operating seamlessly for almost six months while the leadership role was vacant – and decimated it.

We were all excited when this leader joined, to finally have someone steering the ship again. To learn and grow from them. To get exponentially better than we already were.

This leader, however, came in and first ignored us, then shamed us, then waged psychological warfare by pitting us against each other and often lying to make comparisons (“So and so turned in their budget plan already, why is yours not done?” PS: They hadn’t turned it in). Literally tearing us apart in every single meeting. 

To what end, I was never really sure.  It never had to be this way. All I know is that we went from a high-performing team to one by one leaving the company. 

Every now and then, I go back to that office in my mind and shudder. We were treated like naughty children, not professionals. Could we improve? Of course – everyone can. But leading with hostility, shame, and fear just never seemed like a sound strategy to me.

What Does Psychological Abuse Look Like at Work?

How do you know when your leader has crossed the line from being “tough and driven” to psychologically abusive?

  • You feel shame and blame. People are shamed in meetings with no warning or reason. Instead of constructive feedback, people are struck silent in embarrassment and shame. The conversation can’t move forward. 
  • Fear rules the workplace. People live in constant fear of the spotlight shining on them. Questioning their skills, feeling disempowered, and turning that abuse inward through depression, alcoholism, and other destructive behavior.
  • Your personal life suffers. You can’t sleep at night. You dread Monday morning, not because of the work but because of this one person. You spend most of your time trying to figure out how you can twist yourself into knots to please them and avoid the abuse (again, the sign of a romantic abuser) Not a great environment for innovation and creativity. 
  • The team starts trauma bonding. When a leader gets off on shame and humiliation and people have to warn and support each other like they are fighting a war, you know there’s a serious issue. Trauma bonding is when we literally feel like we’re in a bomb shelter together, fighting for survival, and it’s ALL. WE. CAN. TALK ABOUT. If toxic leadership dominates your lunchtime conversations and private DM’s, that’s a sure sign of abuse and means we’re all getting distracted from delivering great work.

How Can We Protect Ourselves from Psychological Abuse at Work

Knowing what I know now, older and wiser as they say, I see clearly the issue was not completely us.  This leader was clearly broken inside. 

But sharing advice to “protect ourselves” is hard. It’s a form of victim-blaming because it implies you are the one who needs fixing. 

We should not blame the victim of psychological work abuse, just as we wouldn’t blame the victim in an abusive marriage. This advice is meant to help you weather the storm – until the situation changes or you can get out.

Knowing what I know now,  I would fortify my ability to withstand it (although, frankly, no one should have to). I am more self-confident now and know my strengths and blind spots better so I can stand my ground. I would practice more self-care so my job didn’t define me. I could have sought counsel from trusted mentors outside of the company and might have more clearly seen this power play for what it was:  A desperate attempt by a broken person to inflict pain on others and prove something. 

I would have shored up my emotional intelligence skills to approach this person with more EQ and respond to them in a way that didn’t destroy my mental health.

The irony is that I actually did learn a lot about “the work” from this leader. But it was too high a price to pay. And how much more could I have learned if this had not been the established relationship? When they ended up supporting me and advocating for my promotion,, when I was no longer their direct report, I thought we had gotten through it. Until one final and unexpected attack threw me for a loop again – and I was glad to be moving on to a place where I was appreciated and supported. Where I didn’t have to go to work every day and feel bad about myself or live in fear.

Learn to recognize when your leaders have crossed the line from demanding high performance to psychological abuse.  Don’t be afraid of hard work, fair criticism, and learning lessons as you go. But if it starts to negatively impact your mental health, walk away.

No stellar performance review or promotion is worth that.

If you want to shore up emotional intelligence in your organization to avoid psychological abuse and create more collaboration, let’s talk. I can deliver a dynamic empathy workshop series and strategically advise on an integrated curriculum with my network of talented speakers and trainers. We can build psychological safety, critical communication, and trust building into the curriculum. Just reach out today and we’ll get the conversation going.

Photo Credit: Elisa Ventur Unsplash

How Empathetic Leaders Can Set Strong Boundaries to Avoid Burnout

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We are in some tough times. 

Layoffs, Market volatility. For many, returning to work or at least navigating change in a hybrid environment.

Managers are currently caught in the middle. They are feeling pressured from above to get back to delivering stellar results and improving profitability. And they are squeezed by their people, demanding (rightly, after many decades of the opposite) a more human-centered and healthy approach to integrate their work and life. The Pandemic accelerated this movement, and many workers don’t want to go back.

That leaves many leaders stuck – and exhausted.

These folks want to embrace compassionate leadership as a catalyst for innovation, collaboration, and engagement They really do. But how can they do so without losing their own health and sanity in the process? How can they avoid burnout?

The answer is not to give everyone whatever they ask for, nor is it to force you or the team to take on extra work. It also does not mean you become an unlicensed therapist and then slip on your own responsibilities. 

In my new book, I’m developing five pillars to being an effectively empathetic leader while still expecting excellence, setting boundaries, and avoiding burnout. 

Setting boundaries is essential for any leader to prevent burnout and maintain high-performance standards while still caring for their people as…well, people. Here are some strategies that can help leaders set better boundaries at work:

  1. Set clear expectations: Communicate with your team members and colleagues about your availability, working hours, and the time it takes to respond to emails or messages. This will help them understand your boundaries and respect them.
  2. Prioritize self-care: Take care of your physical and mental health by exercising regularly, eating well, and getting enough rest. Find hobbies that keep you in the present moment or simply give you joy, working out a different part of your brain. This will help you feel more energized and productive during work hours.
  3. Delegate tasks: Identify tasks that can be delegated to team members or outsourced to external vendors. And then trust them to do it! This will help you focus on high-priority tasks and prevent burnout.
  4. Say no: Learn to say no to requests that do not align with your priorities or are outside of your capacity. It’s better than saying yes and then dropping the ball! Saying no can be difficult, but it’s necessary to maintain boundaries and prevent over-committing.
  5. Take breaks: Take regular breaks during the day to refresh your mind and recharge. This can include taking a walk, meditating, or engaging in any activity that helps you relax. Schedule them in your calendar, or you likely won’t do them!
  6. Unplug: Set aside specific times during the day when you will unplug from work-related technology, such as email and messaging platforms. This will help you disconnect from work and prevent burnout. Again, scheduling and time blocking this is key.

Remember, setting boundaries is a continuous process that requires self-awareness, communication, and commitment. By setting clear boundaries, you can improve your well-being and productivity as a leader. – and still, be empathetic and compassionate with your team.

Editor Note: I experimented with ChatGPT to initially draft this blog post and then polished it to make it my own. I was delighted to find that many of the concepts I’ll be talking about in my new book, coming Fall 2024, are referenced in this list. While I am always skeptical of AI technologies, I highly recommend you play with ChatGPT for your own content, research, or brainstorming!

Photo credit: Danie Franco on Unsplash

Empathy is Not This

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When people are scared or unsure, they run back to what they know. And that’s what some leaders are doing in today’s post-pandemic workplace. And it’s pissing me off.

I read this article the other day and had….opinions. 

Today, as the pandemic fades and a recession looms, employers are back to their old ways — reacting to market conditions, sometimes haphazardly and sometimes without much compassion. 

Being an empathetic leader does not mean you have to be “the cool parent” or that you need to fix things. (TWEET THIS!)

As the article states, “Managers need to be empathetic…but they must also provide workers with guidance and direction and not shield them from economic realities.”

First, it’s dead on that the Pandemic forced leaders and companies to find humanity. We were in/are in a global crisis. All we have is our humanity. People’s lives were turned upside down. Of course, we turned to compassionate leadership. To empathy. We HAD to. 

But this was not a new trend that just popped up. The signs all pointed to a new model of leadership before anyone ever heard about herd immunity. Study after study showed that the Industrial Revolution models of leadership were having less of an effect. That worker’s desires, combined with technology and transparency, demanded a new leadership model: One based on collaboration and connection. A more human workplace. And the rewards? HUGE. Increased productivity, engagement, retention, top talent attraction, morale, innovation, performance, and customer satisfaction The data existed way before COVID began.

The pandemic just accelerated the need to adopt these new models. There was no other way forward but to adapt. 

Now that we are coming out of the pandemic, though, there’s backlash. Back to bossism. Command and control. As if, “They had their fun being treated like human beings but now it’s back to work.”

It’s MADDENING. 

Second, only leaders who don’t understand what is truly meant by empathy hold this position. Your fear and inability to adapt are showing. 

Empathy is not about caving into crazy demands, letting workers do whatever they want to do, or being okay with slipping performance. It’s about listening, getting curious, sitting with someone’s struggle or perspective, and finding a way forward.

Where do people get this stuff? Why do they empathetic leadership as either/or when it’s BOTH/AND? This is what I’ve dedicated myself to sharing, teaching, and inspiring.

Leaders who adopt HEALTHY empathetic habits with their teams can still expect high performance, set boundaries, and avoid burnout. They can just do so IF they have the right tools to embrace empathy in a healthy way (SNEAK PEEK: This is what my new book will be about.)

If you are not, you are not practicing empathy – call it something else!

Photo Credit: 

How Your Body Reacts to Mistakes vs. Success

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I remember how my body felt when I made those BIG mistakes. Do you? How does your body’s reaction compare to your successes? My mistakes felt a little something like this…..

Panic rising up my chest into my now flushed face.

My stomach somehow dropping to my feet in the opposite direction.

Numb or tingling hands and feet.

The sound of my own heartbeat in my ears.

My eyes welling up with tears.

Success causes a very different physiological reaction than mistakes, doesn’t it?! But which are more valuable to making you the person you are? 

But we often gloss over our successes and stay laser focused on the mistakes because of the trauma in our bodies that those mistakes cause.

In great detail, I can describe all of those heart-stopping mistakes:

In college where I served as my sorority’s Rush chair during a crucial year. I had managed to turn attitudes around and mobilize everyone to work as a team to save the chapter – but screwed up the very manual process for the last round, in essence, dis-inviting maybe about 50-100 women who wanted to join us, with no way to change the decision, leaving our chapter in dire straits and my sisters furious with me.

My first management consulting engagement right out of college, where I spent weeks coding computer-based training, only to press the wrong button the night before our manager needed to compile the code and – POOF- it was all gone.

That brand new marketing job where I was thrown in to picking up on organizing our presence at a very large and important sales trade show. And despite triple-checking requirements and timing because I had never done this before, we completely missed the set-up time, and the VP of Sales had to bail me out.

That time I poorly estimated costs and hours on two of my very first consulting projects, resulting in great money for my subcontractors, but barely enough for myself. 

And SO MANY MORE…

But what I also take away from those mistakes are the lessons learned, like many more famous successful people do. How to perform better. How to pay attention to detail. How to communicate more clearly. How to listen to instructions and ensure I repeat back what’s expected so we are both on the same page.

Those mistakes make me the valuable professional I am today. Without them, I might not be as successful. And they led to so many more wins in my career. Leading a global roadshow. Pivoting brand messaging to boost sales. Speaking on stages about the power of empathy.  Researching and publishing books. Guiding clients to connect and engage through empathy with the stakeholders who matter most.

Your mistakes may cause intense trauma, but they provide the fire that forges the successful person you are today.(TWEET THIS!) Older. Wiser. Sharper. You now know what to do and when to take your hand off the hot stove!

Looking at them that way, is there ever really such a thing as failure?

Photo credit: The Blow Up on Unsplash

What Leadership Success Requires in Today’s World

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Leaders today need to understand the assignment. And it’s no longer about telling people what to do like a ruler from on high,, filling out paperwork, or even getting a cushy office. Unless your WFH space is indeed, decked out and super-glam.

So I ask you: Do you fully understand the assignment….or are you working off an outdated model of what skills you need to be a successful leader?

Leadership in the past was all about command and control. You did the job so well, you were promoted to lead others doing the same job. And so on. And so on.

But many people who are excellent at “the work”are never taught how to actually do the job of leading.

Leading requires a different mindset, skillset, and frankly, temperament. It’s not the same as doing the actual work.

In a world where talented workers have options, where people are demanding respect in the workplace, and where the data now tells us that innovation, creativity, and engagement increase when the right leadership is in place, here’s the assignment as it stands today:

  • Foster collaboration. Diversity enables your organization to look at challenges from every angle without missing anything. And it enables the best ideas to rise to the top. It is no longer acceptable to simply hire people who look and think like you, silence dissenting voices, or create fear and competition among your own people.
  • Take the time to get to know your team as individuals. What motivates them? What are their lives like? Who do they want to be? And you must tailor communications, incentives, and career development accordingly. Invest in your people. Yes, it takes more time. Yes, it’s your job now if you want high performance and to ensure you get your own bonus. No, it’s not distracting you from the work. It IS the work of leading.
  • Care about people as human beings. Understand their context. Empathetically listen before you start preaching. Accommodate for their challenges and differences. Get as personal as people are comfortable getting. Create a culture where people have each other’s backs. Be willing to be vulnerable and encourage connection and love for each other. You can encourage high standards, expect excellence, and be compassionate. We are not machines. We cannot turn our struggles, challenges, or mental health issues off to put on some “professional” facade.
  • Embrace failure and admit mistakes. No one ever believed you knew it all anyway, That’s not the job of leading. The job requires risk taking and encouraging new ideas. Celebrate and learn from things not going right. It means you are innovating or getting better.  If you’re still parroting, “This is the way it’s always been done,” then you’re done. 
  • Be Humble: If you can’t admit you’re wrong, what are you doing? Everyone around you knows you were wrong and when you don’t admit it, you just look foolish and lose people’s trust. If you are still puffing out your chest, acting like you’re “better than”and not sharing credit or space because you think that makes you the Big Dog, it’s time to step aside and let a leader with humility take over to get better engagement and results.

Let me be clear: These are not niceties. They are not a waste of time.  They are not distracting you from the work. This IS the work of leading. (TWEET THIS!)

These are the skills required of successful leaders today. You are absolutely required to inspire, listen, empathize, develop, collaborate, and foster trust.  And yes, deliver results.

If you are lucky enough to lead people, then please, understand the assignment.

Photo Credit: Desola Lanre-Ologun, Unsplash

What Brock Purdy Can Teach Us About Humble Leadership

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Well, my San Francisco 49ers did not make it to the Super Bowl this year. But not for want of trying. Plagued with injuries, they still got to the NFC Championship game with their 3rd string quarterback, young rookie Brock Purdy. And a 13-4 record to boot.

In the final NFC Championship game, Purdy got an elbow injury in a fluke play trying to avoid a sack. The team went to their 4th string QB – and it all went downhill from there so that the Philadelphia Eagles took the game and marched off to the Super Bowl.

But what a story Brock Purdy turned out to be. And over and over again, when teammates and coaches were asked what made him so special, they spoke of his HUMILITY. His desire to learn. To get curious. To stay focused.

Purdy is a stellar athlete and did a tremendous job with his unexpected shove into the spotlight.  And we can all learn from his lesson.

He’s successful because he’s humble, and we celebrate that humility because he’s young. But humility is not just for inexperienced leaders. Those young guns we applaud who say they want to count on the knowledge and experience of those around them.  It’s actually harder and yet more of a sign of strength if experienced leaders can stay humble.(TWEET THIS!)

Experienced leaders can fall into the trap of thinking they’re the smartest person in the room. And that thinking leads to shutting down ideas, defensively doing things the way they’ve always been done, and ignoring diverse perspectives that might help you see challenges in a whole new light. 

We always say it’s great to be a disruptor. But with that title comes hubris. And of all people, disruptors don’t like it at all when THEY are disrupted! (TWEET THIS!)

Go now immediately and read Amer Kaissi’s groundbreaking book on leadership, Humbitious: The Power of Low Ego, High Drive Leadership.  Better yet, check out our interview on The Empathy Edge podcast to get all the goods! You’ll find the link to the book in the Show Notes.

Kaaisi talks about the winning leadership combination of humility + ambition. Just being humble isn’t enough, just as solely being ambitious is never enough to win.

We celebrate Purdy’s humility because he’s young. But even the most experienced leader can’t possibly know everything about everything. There’s always someone else who might know a bit more about the customer’s experience, product design, market fit, demand generation strategy – or even about emotional intelligence and reading the room.

So next time you’re tempted to come into the room with all the answers, or think that leadership means you have all the answers, just remember Purdy. Stay humble. Maintain curiosity every time you walk into the room. You can do so with confidence and decisiveness. But never stop wondering “What am I missing? Who can fill in the blanks for us?”

Photo credit:  Fox News Channel

Employees: Empathy is a Two-Way Street

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We’ve been talking a lot about empathy in leadership. And after years at his, I’m realizing that many of us empathy activists might be perpetuating a problem: 

Some employees and team members think empathy is just a one-way street.

I’m not going to point any generational fingers at anyone, but many leaders I speak to in my workshops and keynotes are struggling with their, often younger, employees. These leaders are working  very hard to listen, engage, and connect with their teams. They are trying to embrace empathy.

But their team members are not extending the same courtesy

Empathy is not just a leader’s job. It’s a skill that everyone up and down the organization needs to strengthen and practice to ensure respect AND performance. (TWEET THIS!)

Here’s what I hear:

” I’m trying to be empathetic to my team, but when work slips and I ask for improved performance or extra commitment, I am instantly accused of not respecting boundaries.”

“I am bending over backwards to help my employee through some hard times, but now my team is working double-time to pick up the slack because the work still needs to get done.”

“I’m trying so hard to help everyone on my team who is affected by layoffs. Those who have to leave and those left behind. But I’m constantly met with anger, abuse, and disrespect. Where’s empathy for me? How can we get through this together? My health and stress are also suffering.”

We don’t have to “feel sorry” for leaders when we are in a bad position ourselves. Lord knows a few of them have made difficult situations all about them with absolutely zero empathy for their employees. 

But how about a little compassion up the chain, rather than just expecting it for ourselves?

Employees need to understand the larger context of what is going on in the business and the market.  It’s unreasonable to make demands or ask for a raise at the precise moment the company is laying off thousands of workers and cutting budgets. As I constantly tell my 8-year-old son: You’ve got to pick your moments.

If you as a team member want empathy from your leader, you need to extend it to them as well. Not everything can fall into a neat little box or be easy when times are tough, as they are right now in our economic uncertain times. Yes, stand up for yourself, set boundaries, take care of your mental health. 

All of us – leaders and workers – can show resilience. Show savvy. Show empathy.

We need to do the jobs we were hired to do – the company can’t perform and succeed if we don’t.  And we can be good teammates in a crisis. That might mean doing a bit more than expected, hopefully for a short period of time. But DO THE WORK.

If the work is too much, your skills are up to snuff, or you are simply overwhelmed – have THAT conversation with your manager. Find a way to solve the issues. Ask for help reprioritizing. Come up with creative solutions. Yes, maybe even work a few late nights to help your team through. Or perhaps, think about if you are really in the right role. I’m calling foul on those who use “lack of empathy” as a weapon when they simply can’t or won’t do the work – or won’t even temporarily do a little extra when tough times call for it.

Empathy is not just a leader’s job. It’s the job of everyone on the team to be empathetic to every human on the team – and that includes empathy for the leader. 

Photo credit: Ivan Aleksic