Are You Outsourcing Empathy in Your Organization?

My 9-year-old son recently left a note on his dirty breakfast dishes:

Can u pls take care of this ☹️Thanks

The fact you must know is that he placed the dishes on the counter right above the dishwasher. The ultimate in lazy maneuvers. I mean, writing the note took him longer than putting the dishes away!

While this provided a great laugh over on social media, it got me thinking about the primal nature of laziness and how it shows up in our organizations.

We see laziness as the customer service rep who can’t be bothered to listen to your real issue and look into possible options.  It’s just easier to tell you nothing can be done.

We see it in the leader who claims that adopting a more empathetic approach is too hard and takes too much time and then falls back on the old ways of doing things. Which are dying, BTW.

We see it in the colleague who decides getting to know other team members is a “waste of time” and forgets the importance of building relationships and connections in order to get things done.

So that is the answer?  Here are some options leaders like to think they have:

  • We outsource empathy to HR
  • We outsource empathy (hopefully) to AI
  • We strengthen the muscle ourselves

Let’s parse these out:

Trying to outsource empathy to HR is like a parent trying to outsource love to their child’s teacher. It doesn’t make any sense. Do they outsource kindness, courage, and effective communication? The point of empathetic leadership is that your team members know you, their leader, have their backs and see, hear, and value them. That is the only way for you to reap the benefits of empathy, including increased engagement, performance, loyalty, and creativity. It needs to be woven into the way we interact with each other. It’s not a need I “go to” someone else to fulfill.

Trying to outsource empathy AI is trickier. There are empathic AI technologies available that are helping organizations strapped for resources or staffing to provide individualized guidance and interactions in industries such as healthcare, higher ed, and finance. But the organization’s leaders have to strengthen their own empathy in order to build it into the AI models and ensure the holistic customer experience is consistent and engaging. 

Strengthening your own empathy is the smart choice. Just like going to the gym, you can build that innate human muscle if it has atrophied. You just need to put in the reps.  This is why I wrote The Empathy Edge and speak at leadership trainings, keynotes, and customer events. To clarify what empathy looks like at work (and what it is most certainly NOT), and give you actionable tips to strengthen your empathy. The results may not be immediate (who gets six-pack abs on the first day at the gym?) but over time, this is the more sustainable option that you will carry with you to great success, no matter what team you’re leading or what role you are in.

If you’re tempted to outsource empathy, please think about the reason why.

Are you too scared or feel too vulnerable to connect with your people or customers with empathy? If so, you may need to do some work on your own strengths and blind spots. And what causes that fear. Is it insecurity, defensiveness, low self-esteem?

Are you strapped for time and overwhelmed? If so, perhaps prioritization is the issue and an understanding that the work of leading IS connecting and engaging with your people. If you don’t have time for that, you may need to reassess how you spend your time. 

Do you think machines can “do it better? If so, who is teaching these machines? Where are the inputs coming from? And what happens when people interacting with AI dip in and out of workflow between humans and machines? We abhor inconsistency. That seems like a big risk you don’t need to take that could have catastrophic implications on your customer or employee experience. And also, no, to the question above. Empathy is an essential human trait about human connection. Machines will never be able to fully replicate it, even if they are able to imitate it in some scenarios.

Empathy is the most important leadership skill going into the 21st century. You can definitely augment empathy by shoring up your HR team and investing in empathic AI solutions. But you don’t want to outsource it without building it yourself because if you really believe that is possible, then you’re making yourself obsolete.

Photo Credit: Maria Ross

Can’t Get Your Employees Back to the Office? Here’s Why

Recently, Delta CEO Ed Bastian talked to BusinessInsider about the real reason there is tension around the return to office (RTO). So simple. So ignored.

Your employees’ work and life patterns have been forever changed. Employees crave flexibility. They are not going back unless it works for them.

The Pandemic showed knowledge workers that it’s possible to be creative, productive, and connected while working remotely or even traveling. Companies didn’t stop innovating or selling goods and services. They even came up with new revenue streams. The lockdown forced many local businesses I know to finally dive into eCommerce because it was the only way to stay alive.

And workers learned how well they could balance personal and professional life working from home. They spend less time commuting. They can better deal with childcare, aging parents, and their own diverse needs – from being introverted to living with a disability – in better ways.  It opened employment opportunities to many talented workers who live far from big cities.

They thrived. And so did their work, and so did their businesses.

But the 2023 State of Workplace Empathy Report showed us the ridiculous gap between CEOs and their workforces. CEO on average tend to have come up learning older leadership styles. They of course adapted to the chaos of the last three years because they had to. And that led many workers to believe they had evolved their leadership styles as well.

But they didn’t. Many leaders thought – and still do – that all this flexibility was temporary and they can now go back to their regularly scheduled programming.

They never really evolved. They coped. And that is why they’re flipping back to what they know:

If I can’t see you, if you’re not in the same room, we can’t get any work done or achieve our ambitious goals.

It’s the only way they know how to lead and hold people accountable.

So basically, they learned nothing.

But workers learned a lot. They saw the promise of flexible work. They thrived in being able to fit in morning yoga, afternoon soccer games, and even being able to cover having a sick kid at home WHILE working hard. Many of them improved their mental health, got fit, and reconnected with their families.

Why on earth would they willingly go back to the way things were? Especially if the culture was lacking to begin with.

And so…some leaders, once again refusing to get it, think the answer is to “perkify” the office. Full-service cafeteria! Workout facilities! Cool new office space! On-site laundry!

I’ll be the first to admit, that is all super cool and generous. It’s empathetic to provide your workers with all the things they need to manage their life so they can contribute their highest potential to their work.

But it only works if going back to the office WORKS for your people. And it only works if you have a culture worth going back to office for.

For many people, it still doesn’t. They need that flexibility. What they gained working remotely still outweighs all the “perks” their company can offer onsite.

It’s not about getting people back to the office so leaders can feel more comfortable with how to manage them. What is the real reason you want them back in the office? Be honest!

  • Is it the investment in office space you make?
  • Is it wanting to support small local businesses that are struggling because workers are not coming downtown anymore?
  • Is it your discomfort or misunderstanding of how to collaborate and innovate remotely?

All of these reasons can be addressed with intentional learning, training, and experimentation. You can thoughtfully determine – with input from your people – what actually warrants in-person collaboration.  You can also minimize your discomfort through coaching and training or explore industry best practices to learn how to effectively lead in a hybrid world. 

Just because you don’t know how doesn’t mean you can’t learn!

But…there is one big reason that you need to be honest about:

Do you trust your people?

If you don’t, either you’re not hiring the right people, mistrust is rampant across the organization (you set the tone), or your leaders have connection and control issues that need attention.

And who wants to come back to an office culture like that?

Culture is an issue that can’t be solved by unwillingly dragging people back to the office. So stop forcing the genie back into the bottle and figure out how to stay flexible, upskill your leadership and enhance your culture.

Photo Credit: Anastasia Nelen, Unsplash

What Leadership Success Requires in Today’s World

Leaders today need to understand the assignment. And it’s no longer about telling people what to do like a ruler from on high,, filling out paperwork, or even getting a cushy office. Unless your WFH space is indeed, decked out and super-glam.

So I ask you: Do you fully understand the assignment….or are you working off an outdated model of what skills you need to be a successful leader?

Leadership in the past was all about command and control. You did the job so well, you were promoted to lead others doing the same job. And so on. And so on.

But many people who are excellent at “the work”are never taught how to actually do the job of leading.

Leading requires a different mindset, skillset, and frankly, temperament. It’s not the same as doing the actual work.

In a world where talented workers have options, where people are demanding respect in the workplace, and where the data now tells us that innovation, creativity, and engagement increase when the right leadership is in place, here’s the assignment as it stands today:

  • Foster collaboration. Diversity enables your organization to look at challenges from every angle without missing anything. And it enables the best ideas to rise to the top. It is no longer acceptable to simply hire people who look and think like you, silence dissenting voices, or create fear and competition among your own people.
  • Take the time to get to know your team as individuals. What motivates them? What are their lives like? Who do they want to be? And you must tailor communications, incentives, and career development accordingly. Invest in your people. Yes, it takes more time. Yes, it’s your job now if you want high performance and to ensure you get your own bonus. No, it’s not distracting you from the work. It IS the work of leading.
  • Care about people as human beings. Understand their context. Empathetically listen before you start preaching. Accommodate for their challenges and differences. Get as personal as people are comfortable getting. Create a culture where people have each other’s backs. Be willing to be vulnerable and encourage connection and love for each other. You can encourage high standards, expect excellence, and be compassionate. We are not machines. We cannot turn our struggles, challenges, or mental health issues off to put on some “professional” facade.
  • Embrace failure and admit mistakes. No one ever believed you knew it all anyway, That’s not the job of leading. The job requires risk taking and encouraging new ideas. Celebrate and learn from things not going right. It means you are innovating or getting better.  If you’re still parroting, “This is the way it’s always been done,” then you’re done. 
  • Be Humble: If you can’t admit you’re wrong, what are you doing? Everyone around you knows you were wrong and when you don’t admit it, you just look foolish and lose people’s trust. If you are still puffing out your chest, acting like you’re “better than”and not sharing credit or space because you think that makes you the Big Dog, it’s time to step aside and let a leader with humility take over to get better engagement and results.

Let me be clear: These are not niceties. They are not a waste of time.  They are not distracting you from the work. This IS the work of leading. (TWEET THIS!)

These are the skills required of successful leaders today. You are absolutely required to inspire, listen, empathize, develop, collaborate, and foster trust.  And yes, deliver results.

If you are lucky enough to lead people, then please, understand the assignment.

Photo Credit: Desola Lanre-Ologun, Unsplash

Why Can’t Love Be Part of Your Business Model?

Think about your organization’s values for a sec. Oh, and if you don’t have those articulated, we should probably talk

I bet you have values such as integrity, honesty, innovation, fail fast, or others that are similar. Maybe you have something like, Take Risks or Customer Obsession, or even as one client of mine did in the past, Embrace Curiosity – which I always loved, especially as it relates to empathy!

But do you have the word “love” anywhere on that list? Does even the thought of love in a business context make you feel a bit nervous?

While it’s Valentine’s Day and we’re talking about love in all its forms this time of year, I bet you never thought about including that word in any sort of business communications whatsoever. 

Except maybe to say “We love our customers” or “We love a challenge”

Your invitation today is to think about the role love plays in your company’s mission, culture, and success. In the way, you operate with each other. And…to not be afraid of it anymore.

Of course, I don’t mean romantic love. Although I, and a few others, all met our spouses at one particular company I once worked for! I’m talking about love in its truest form.

Last year, I devoured bell hooks’ book All About Love: New Visions, in which she explores the fact that we don’t all have a common definition or construct around love, even though it’s one of the most important human emotions. And that is part of our problem individually and as a collective world. 

This book got me thinking about what I really believe love to be. I’d never really thought that much about it before. And she goes on to talk about how we conflate love with romantic love or caring, or even fondness. 

For those of you who don’t know her, Bell was an American author and social activist, writing about race, feminism, and class. She explored the intersectionality of race, capitalism, and gender, and what she described as their ability to produce and perpetuate systems of oppression and class domination. She published more than 40 books ranging from essays to poetry to children’s books and appeared in many documentary films, as well as being a lecturer. She passed away in 2021 and, to my own detriment, that was the first time I ever heard of her so I began reading her work.

bell writes that Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust.” She also states that “To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds.”

Commitment. Responsibility. Respect. Trust. Required in all meaningful relationships. If that doesn’t have a place in organizational culture, I don’t know what does.(TWEET THIS!)

Our workplaces are where many of us spend the bulk of our time. If you add up the time each week, you often spend way more of your waking hours with your work colleagues, clients, or customers than with your own family.

How can love not have a place in those essential relationships?

We don’t have to think of love romantically. We can think of it exactly how bell describes it. Love means caring. It means commitment. It means honesty, respect, and trust. As we break free from outdated models of corporate culture and dysfunctional relationships with colleagues or customers, we can see that love absolutely needs to be part of the equation.

A while back, I wrote a blog post called Choose Love about embedding love into your values and business model. No matter what you do. No matter how big or small your organization. 

No matter who you are, you have influence.  Whether it’s 100,000 followers, a team of 150, or your email list is just your mom and your best friend. 

Whatever you’ve got, use it. 

Never underestimate the importance of your work or message no matter what your role. It may seem trite, but if you can influence or inspire even just a few, then you’ve done your job well.

Now more than ever, in these tumultuous times…when folks are feeling raw, vulnerable and afraid…now is the time to use your voice and choose love – as a leader, as a colleague, and yes, as an organization. 

You can absolutely build love into your values, leadership style, or yes, business model. Like this:

  • Love yourself and be self-confident so you don’t feel the need to bully others or let bullies win over you
  • Love your neighbors and colleagues so that all people can feel accepted and appreciated
  • Love your clients so you can bring real, honest value to them
  • Love your customers so you can make their lives better with your products or services
  • Love your partners so you can create wins  that benefit everyone
  • Love your community so you can collectively pull everyone up together
  • Love your environment so its beauty and nourishment enriches generations to come
  • Love your family and friends so they have a firm foundation to fully spread their own love to others

Here’s what I know to be true: No matter what your religion, nationality, gender identity, or sexual orientation, the only thing that matters is how you show up in the world and love. You are the example when you think no one is watching – because sometimes only YOU are watching, and you want to be proud of what you see.

Same thing goes for your company – maybe you’re not world famous, maybe you don’t think the press will care about you. Or perhaps you think you’re so large that such a personal value doesn’t impact your day-to-day work. I’m here to tell you, that’s not true. It all matters to someone, somewhere, sometime.

Choose love. Start small and practice love with whoever is in your circle of influence right now. If that’s just your family and friends, choose love. If that’s thousands of employees, stakeholders, email subscribers or Instagram followers, choose love.

We’re in this together. But we need to show up in ALL areas of our lives, and business, too. Don’t be afraid to make work personal.  Get aligned. Choose love. 

PS: This post comes from my February Hot Take episode on The Empathy Edge podcast. If you’d like to listen to this post, please click here.

Photo Credit: Michael Fenton, Unsplash IG: @michaelrfenton

Let’s Redefine “Kind” in Business

Conscious capitalism. Compassionate workplace. Empathetic leadership. Kindness at work.

What do all of these terms even mean?

Many times throughout my career, I’ve dealt with dysfunctional workplace cultures, leaders who were at best disinterested and at worst emotionally abusive. Co-workers that yelled at me. Like, screaming so nonsensically, I had to hang up on them.

We talk about this behavior os “unprofessional” or “counterproductive.” But I have a better term. It is mean. It is unkind.

But what does it mean to be kind in business?

Is it simply bringing cookies to work, or covering for a coworker, or saying please and thank you? Is it letting people walk all over you, or shrinking back, or saying yes to everything? Nope.

Let’s redefine kindness in business to mean….

clarity. Being crystal clear about instructions, expectations and next steps. So no one is left unprepared or guessing.

...listening. Holding space for other ideas and viewpoints with judgment or defensiveness.

managing expectations. So one is ever disappointed. Contracts, agreements, clearly worded objectives and goals.

random praise. It’s not always about telling people what they can do better. It’s about sharing what someone did well, and doing it everyday. Not just during a performance review or project debrief.

good timing. Showing up on time to respect someone’s time. Managing meetings so goals are met in a timely manner. Knowing when to share something with the group and when a private conversation is required.  Giving feedback in a timely manner.

…having tough conversations. Not avoiding conflict but openly and directly discussing when tensions are running high. It’s kind to address issues rather than sit on them and fume.

…loving honesty and directness. Honestly saying what you think and how you feel because you genuinely care. “I share this because I want was is best for the team and for you” versus “I share this to cut your down, shame you and make you feel bad.” See also Good Timing as a complement to this.

...admitting when you’re wrong. You respect others when you admit you were wrong about something and find a way forward together. You set a model that failure is okay and risk-taking is encouraged.

Clarity, listening, managing expectations and all the rest may seem like simply good communication tactics. And they are. But when done with love and respect for others as individuals and thinking, feeling, human beings, they become kindness. (TWEET THIS!)

More on how kindness and empathy show up at work:

Why does purpose matter?

5 ways your business can make the world a better place

3 ways to practice empathy at work

How to redefine success with empathy

Use your platform to do good

Photo Credit: Andrew Thornebrooke on Unsplash