Tag: culture

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Empathy in Life AND At Work is Worth Fighting For

Posted on by Red Slice

The Dalai Lama had a lot to say about business and leadership. Yes, the Dalai Lama.

A few years ago, I read the book A Force for Good: The Dalai Lama’s Vision for Our World  by Daniele Goleman. It was a game changer for me, in terms of marrying values, ethics, and business – with a splash of spirituality.

Imagine a world where compassion is the norm.

This is the world I’m trying to build with my work. 

His Holiness has met with leaders from around the world and has seen how many of them bring purpose and positive energy into their work – and how successful they were as a result. He often talks about self-awareness and self-mastery being the essence of good leadership. And if you are able to be self-aware and have self-mastery, that usually means you are putting your ego aside for something greater than yourself.

When studies like the 2024 Businessolver State of Workplace Empathy report still show that 37% of CEO’s, 30% of HR professionals, and 244% of employees believe empathy doesn’t have a place in the workplace – IMHO that number should be zero – while ALSO claiming higher rates of workplace toxicity and mental health challenges, how are they not putting the two things together?

Business is just another way we humans interact with one another. It’s not outside of ourselves. For many of us, we spend the bulk of our time there. 

How is it possible that some of us still think we have some sort of armor we put on when we clock in, or, like the Apple TV series Severance, that a chip is implanted in us to forget about everything going on in our personal lives when we walk through the office door – and everything about our work life is gone when we take the elevator back up?

Empathy belongs in any place where humans interact with other humans.

When we lose touch with our ability to be compassionate in the face of adversity, challenge or tough decisions, we relinquish our humanity. 

We shouldn’t be required to give up our humanity just to work at an accounting firm, software company, or construction site. We should be able to be whole people wherever we are in the world. However, we move about it, and with whomever we choose to interact. 

There are some pretty awful leadership role models entering our spheres of business, society, and government. There always have been, there always will be It’s easy to say we’re resigned to that. But we cannot go gentle into that goodnight, as poet Dylan Thomas once wrote. Human connection, empathy, and compassion are worth fighting for. And we fight for them not with weapons and screaming, but by embracing those values. By modeling them, celebrating them, and rewarding them in whatever sphere of influence we have. We fight by disproving the false belief that you can’t be empathetic and successful or impactful at the same time.

Only then can we really strengthen the connections that are needed to build community.

We have a mental health crisis in our culture. We are dealing with a loneliness epidemic, toxic masculinity, and oppressive systems that only make room for a few while hurting the many. Society could not be flying a large enough banner across the sky to tell us we need to change something. We need to embrace empathy again.

The Dalai Lama got it. Smart, successful leaders I speak to all the time get it. So I invite you to be part of turning the tide – speak out, and model empathy and compassion whether you’re with your kids, on social media, stuck in traffic, or, yes, at a budget meeting at work.

For further reading: 

3 Observations About Compassion from the Dalai Lama

How Purpose Leads to Company Success

Empathy for Others Starts with Empathy for Yourself 

Photo Credit: Becca Henry Photography

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Brain Injury Recovery: Letting Go of the Past to Accelerate Success

Posted on by Red Slice

September is Brain Aneurysm Awareness Month. And August 4 was my 16 year “annie-versary” (as they call it) of surviving my own near-fatal brain aneurysm.

So many blessing to be thankful for. So many lessons learned.

In my  memoir Rebooting My Brain, I shared that my own worst obstacle was not about my cognitive deficits or any physical limitations. Not even my impaired eyesight at the time. It came from within ME.

My stubbornness in refusing to change and adapt. 

I kept trying to compare myself to the Old Me, to the baseline that existed before. “But before, I could do ….easier, faster, better! I just need to do it like that again!”

Until a very kind occupational therapist challenged me with tough love, saying, “Forget about what you used to do or how you used to be”  She challenged me to face what was  in front of me right now and figure out new strategies to get to my goals..

Once I stopped clinging to the past and embraced what was now in front of me, I found new ways to achieve my goals  – and I thrived. My progress accelerated.

And this is exactly what I’m seeing leaders doing now, in our post-pandemic workplaces. Leaders refusing to adapt. Leaders clinging to outdate models. Leaders return to what they know out of fear.

What does that look like? 

  • Demanding 5 days a week back in the office
  • Refusing to keep some of the flexibility they offered during the Pandemic
  • Cutting DEIB programs and budgets

And you can probably fill in more examples you’ve seen.

My empathy speaker work is about helping leadering understand how to adapt to the new paradigms of leadership and workplace culture. Once they do, their progress and success will accelerate,  just as it did for me!

However, here’s the plot twist:

Employees, you have agency, too. 

If you are lucky enough to have a leadership team who understands the benefits they get from offering flexibility and a more human-centered workplace,  great. But if you are not, YOU STILL GET TO MAKE A CHOICE. You deal with the new reality before you.

Stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – or culture, if you will.

If your organization’s business decisions no longer align with your values or lifestyle, you get to make a decision to adapt. 

The company is showing you who they are. They are allowed to do business however they see fit. Yes, even if it’s short-sighted, limiting, and will hurt them competitively in the long run. 

BU they are not required to change for you. A human-centered workplace does not equal a YOU-centered workplace, unfortunately. The company also has a responsibility to all its employees and customers to run sustainable, with governance and compliance as they see fit. 

So the choice is yours: 

Despite your best efforts to create change where you are, will you continue to defiantly cling to the flexibilities you used to have during the Pandemic. Or will you adapt to the reality before you and chart a new path? Find a new company or role that better aligns with your values and needs?

Once you do, your progress and success will accelerate.

PS, Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that not every worker has the luxury of just leaving an inflexible environment and finding a new job. But if you are able to in your industry or career, it may be time to adapt and move on in order to thrive.

Photo credit: Ankush Minda on Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

What Empathy is and What it is Not

Posted on by Red Slice

We all agree empathy is a good idea. But not truly understanding what empathy is and what it isn’t gets in our way and causes more harm, burnout, and disconnection.

Empathy is NOT:

  • Being nice
  • Giving in
  • People pleasing
  • Making everybody happy
  • Avoiding hard truths to ensure comfort
  • Unanimous consensus (or satisfaction)
  • Hiding information
  • Doing someone’s work for them

Empathy is:

  • Listening
  • Getting curious
  • Knowing your triggers, strengths, and blindspots (and those of your team!)
  • Take a beat
  • Making space and time
  • Enabling everyone to have a voice as input (even if you make the final call)
  • Transparency in decisions, especially the tough ones
  • Letting go of ego or righteous indignation to see another’s point of view
  • Knowing that good ideas come from anywhere
  • Admitting when we don’t know the answer – and rallying others to bring their ideas forth
  • Having the tough conversation as soon as possible, with grace and respect
  • Making clear decisions…AND
  • …not being afraid to course correct if you’re proven wrong or get new information
  • Seeing the whole person, both inside and outside of work
  • Meeting people where they are
  • Creating moments of joy and levity, even when the work is hard

Empathy is not doing FOR. It’s being WITH.

How does empathy show up in your team or organization?

Photo credit: Desola Lanre-Ologun on Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

How Joy Leads to Empathy, Performance and Success

Posted on by Red Slice

The book is coming! September 10 is the day that The Empathy Dilemma: How Successful Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries hits shelves to help leaders dedicated to people-centered practices to get the best performance possible balance the demands of the business with the needs of their people. Grab your free chapter at the link above!

Today, we’re diving into the last of the Five Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership: Joy. 

Probably my most head-turning one.  What the heck does joy have to do with empathy or high-performance? Quickly followed by, I’m awkward and not that funny!

To get you up to speed, the Five Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership are common traits and behaviors shared by the successful leaders I interview, research, speak to, and advise.. It’s how they balance people, performance, and personal boundaries with such grace and dexterity.

Joy is the fifth of the five pillars for effective and empathetic leadership in my upcoming book, The Empathy Dilemma: How Success Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries, coming September 10.

Let’s dig into it: Joy

What Is Joy?

Ensuring people enjoy their work, encouraging work friendships, and creating a thriving culture even when the work itself is challenging.

Why Is Joy Important?

A joyful work culture breeds trust to collaborate, innovate, and take risks. It empowers people to have each other’s backs. Multiple studies have shown that when people enjoy their work it leads to lower rates of turnover, higher productivity and engagement, increased company profits, and loyalty to the employer.

We all know we feel lighter, more buoyed by a work environment we like going back to. It’s basic common sense. If I enjoy my colleagues and feel safe and motivated in my environment, my work will reflect that. Now, joy does not mean every moment of work is joyful. I mean, I don’t particularly find find joy in client crisis or invoicing or budget spreadsheets (well, actually some of you might) But joy  – or levity, or camaraderie – as part of the empathetic culture equation means I can find joy in the work even when the work itself is not joyful. As it will inevitably get at certain points, or they wouldn’t call it work!

What does joy have to do with empathy, you may be thinking? When we create a joy-filled environment, people can relax, be themselves, and share themselves as human beings. This leads to better understanding and collaboration. If I get to know you through joy, I can understand where you’re coming from. I can forgive your bad days and you can forgive mine. We can learn to listen and see common ground because we have  shared positive experiences. All the ingredients of an empathetic culture.

How Does Joy Benefit Leaders?

• Joy reduces stress – we can show up and laugh, smile, bring a little levity to what can be hard work.

• Happy team members are easier to lead

• Fun environments foster trust and collaboration, which breeds innovation and high performance.

So, how can you incorporate more joy in your team and workplace culture?

Find and Encourage Humor: The ability to laugh at ourselves and to find humor in tough situations is a sure sign of resilience, which is just what healthy teams need. Things can and will go wrong, but when we stop taking ourselves so seriously, we can engage our prefrontal cortex to problem solve more effectively. No, you don’t have to be a comedian, or even force it, but letting people know it’s okay to laugh, share memes, or talk about the latest celebrity gossip while getting work  – all of that goes a long way to making work a place we want to be. Some great examples are in the book about how some leaders allow moments to organically arise and the team turns those into inside jokes or casual rituals. 

Learn Improv Skills to Nurture Creativity and Trust

Improv best practices can help teams collaborate in virtually any environment. Learning how to think on your feet, listen well and pass the ball, and yes, even laugh at the outcomes can unleash trust that leads to innovation.

Encourage Workplace Friendships

As someone who has met some of my lifelong best friends at work – and my husband, this one is my favorite. The old rules about your “work self”and your “personal self”have gone out the window. We are who we are and we bring who we are to work. I’m not saying let it all hang out or act crassly, but it’s okay to get personal. It should even be encouraged. Mountains of research indicate that having friends in the workplace doesn’t only boost job satisfaction and performance, it also improves wellness. It’s linked to a lower risk of burnout, improved mental health, and maybe even a longer life span, according to studies conducted across Europe and Israel. As a leader, it’s your role to foster a culture of warmth and connection so your team members know that work friendships are encouraged.

Make Meaningful Team-Building a Priority

One time long ago, I joined a rather soulless tech firm. With its drab brown cubicles, high walls, and quirky personalities, it truly channeled the movie Office Space when, in my first week, everyone was dragged to the conference room to sing happy birthday to an executive and it was utterly depressing!

No one wanted to be there.  I bet you’re thinking of a required Happy Hour or Ropes Course where you felt the same way.

Team-building has gotten a bad rep over the years as a cheesy, forced way to forge bonds, but when it’s done thoughtfully, it can totally transform interpersonal dynamics for the better. Before you pursue team-building, make sure that your internal culture is already serving the needs of your people. Team-building should be a source of shared joy, not a bandage slapped onto a festering cultural issue. Find ways to get everyone involved in suggesting activities, doing community service projects, and ensuring that a variety of options are accessible to everyone regardless of level, ability, neurodiversity, whether they have to get home to kids or not, recovering alcoholics, etc. When you can tie team building to your company mission, that is the best experience for everyone to forge bonds and get to know each other outside of work.

As I wind down on sharing the high level 5 Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership, I would like to make something crystal clear. 

These pillars are not the sole responsibility of the leader. 

It is not all on your shoulders to build up the pillars of self–awareness, self-care,clarity, decisiveness, and joy. These are pillars you can introduce, model, and cultivate an environment. But share the load with your team. Have them make suggestions, take on aspects that may be a challenging blind spot for you, and practice this with each other. I would hate for leaders to think I’m just adding more to their burden. When we talk about the 5 pillars that ensure effective empathetic leadership, yes, we are talking about your own personal pillars, but the team pillars can and should be strengthened and upheld by everyone.   Involve them in the process. Be transparent about what you’re trying to do and work on. Let them play a role so they have ownership and engagement. And when you do that, you will nurture an empathetic environment that flows in both directions!

To better understand these deceptively simple strategies in detail, please get a free chapter and buy your copy of The Empathy Dilemma for stories from leaders, and actionable tactics to put these strategies into practice.  These 5 pillars will transform how your team engages, performs, innovates, delivers for you and your customers.  

Photo Credit: Johnson Wang on Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Belonging is Great. Tribalism? Not So Much

Posted on by Red Slice

We all want to belong. It’s how we’re wired as humans. We sort ourselves into groups from high school (the nerds, theater geeks, jocks) and well into adulthood. Are you a soccer mom, a power player, a DINK, a Cubs fan, a wine snob?1

Some groups are more fun and innocuous than others. The game night junkies. The emo lovers. The golf buddies. The church ladies.

But we as humans crave connection and belonging so much that when we allow the Hogwarts Sorting Hat to put us into categories, it can feel safe but might have a dark side.

I’m Catholic, but have huge problems with how the Catholic church treats women, sexual abuse survivors, and the LGBTQ++ community.With my current moral, social, and political views,  I often feel like I’m on the outside looking in on this group I have belonged to my entire life. Religious affiliations in particular have been a source of divisions (and war, if we look at history) and have been used to oppress and deny rights to others outside of the “in” group. And don’t even get me started on many other so-called “God-fearing” con artists. Many of whom say one thing and do another in the name of their religion, especially when it comes to “loving your neighbor”and being kind to the poor and mistreated..  

These are not my people, nor my allies.

But see what I did there? I just “othered”another group that has different beliefs than me, painted them all with the same bias brush, and acted superior, as if my way is the only way.

Belonging is great. We can become part of a nurturing welcoming community. We can be who we really are, without fear of isolation or recrimination. We can build relationships and share resources.

But we must be very careful we don’t tip over the line into negative tribalism. 

Tribalism is the state of being organized by, or advocating for, tribes or tribal lifestyles. Human evolution has primarily occurred in small hunter-gatherer groups, as opposed to in larger and more recently settled agricultural societies or civilizations. With a negative connotation and in a political context, tribalism can also mean discriminatory behavior or attitudes towards out-groups, based on in-group loyalty. (source)

The negative aspects of tribalism look like:

  • Superiority/Supremacy
  • Oppression
  • Neglect
  • Closed-mindedness
  • Greed
  • Individualism (if you are not part of my tribe, I will not help you and your fate doesn’t matter to me)

All of it leading to a lack of empathy for anyone outside of our group. Some leading to violence when people “take sides”such as in cases of soccer (football) hooliganism or worse, MIddle Eastern identities and claims.

We must be vigilant in creating groups that honor inclusivity – and leave the door open to others to walk through, as well as leave the window open so we can hear the needs and contexts of others outside of the group we are in. Tribalism leads to the worst kind of nationalism – the kind that makes me right and you wrong and causes me to defend cruelty, oppress openly, and refuse to get curious about others not like me.

Always seek inclusive connection and belonging. Stay curious, open, empathetic, and welcoming. Please don’t use belonging as a way to further divide into camps of hate. Whether that is in your own high school, club, neighborhood, office…or country.

Photo Credit:  Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Can’t Get Your Employees Back to the Office? Here’s Why

Posted on by Red Slice

Recently, Delta CEO Ed Bastian talked to BusinessInsider about the real reason there is tension around the return to office (RTO). So simple. So ignored.

Your employees’ work and life patterns have been forever changed. Employees crave flexibility. They are not going back unless it works for them.

The Pandemic showed knowledge workers that it’s possible to be creative, productive, and connected while working remotely or even traveling. Companies didn’t stop innovating or selling goods and services. They even came up with new revenue streams. The lockdown forced many local businesses I know to finally dive into eCommerce because it was the only way to stay alive.

And workers learned how well they could balance personal and professional life working from home. They spend less time commuting. They can better deal with childcare, aging parents, and their own diverse needs – from being introverted to living with a disability – in better ways.  It opened employment opportunities to many talented workers who live far from big cities.

They thrived. And so did their work, and so did their businesses.

But the 2023 State of Workplace Empathy Report showed us the ridiculous gap between CEOs and their workforces. CEO on average tend to have come up learning older leadership styles. They of course adapted to the chaos of the last three years because they had to. And that led many workers to believe they had evolved their leadership styles as well.

But they didn’t. Many leaders thought – and still do – that all this flexibility was temporary and they can now go back to their regularly scheduled programming.

They never really evolved. They coped. And that is why they’re flipping back to what they know:

If I can’t see you, if you’re not in the same room, we can’t get any work done or achieve our ambitious goals.

It’s the only way they know how to lead and hold people accountable.

So basically, they learned nothing.

But workers learned a lot. They saw the promise of flexible work. They thrived in being able to fit in morning yoga, afternoon soccer games, and even being able to cover having a sick kid at home WHILE working hard. Many of them improved their mental health, got fit, and reconnected with their families.

Why on earth would they willingly go back to the way things were? Especially if the culture was lacking to begin with.

And so…some leaders, once again refusing to get it, think the answer is to “perkify” the office. Full-service cafeteria! Workout facilities! Cool new office space! On-site laundry!

I’ll be the first to admit, that is all super cool and generous. It’s empathetic to provide your workers with all the things they need to manage their life so they can contribute their highest potential to their work.

But it only works if going back to the office WORKS for your people. And it only works if you have a culture worth going back to office for.

For many people, it still doesn’t. They need that flexibility. What they gained working remotely still outweighs all the “perks” their company can offer onsite.

It’s not about getting people back to the office so leaders can feel more comfortable with how to manage them. What is the real reason you want them back in the office? Be honest!

  • Is it the investment in office space you make?
  • Is it wanting to support small local businesses that are struggling because workers are not coming downtown anymore?
  • Is it your discomfort or misunderstanding of how to collaborate and innovate remotely?

All of these reasons can be addressed with intentional learning, training, and experimentation. You can thoughtfully determine – with input from your people – what actually warrants in-person collaboration.  You can also minimize your discomfort through coaching and training or explore industry best practices to learn how to effectively lead in a hybrid world. 

Just because you don’t know how doesn’t mean you can’t learn!

But…there is one big reason that you need to be honest about:

Do you trust your people?

If you don’t, either you’re not hiring the right people, mistrust is rampant across the organization (you set the tone), or your leaders have connection and control issues that need attention.

And who wants to come back to an office culture like that?

Culture is an issue that can’t be solved by unwillingly dragging people back to the office. So stop forcing the genie back into the bottle and figure out how to stay flexible, upskill your leadership and enhance your culture.

Photo Credit: Anastasia Nelen, Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

What Does Psychological Abuse at Work Look Like?

Posted on by Red Slice

You never knew who would be crying in the office on any given day. Today, it was mine. Again. But I would not give them the satisfaction of seeing it.

See, my anger, powerlessness, and frustration come out as hot tears.  

They used to tell us not to “get emotional” at work. But what happens if you are treated like trash? Gaslit, shamed, mentally exhausted, and not at all eager to deliver great work as a result? You suffer – and so does the company’s bottom line.

Once (well, honestly, twice) upon a time, I had to work under psychologically abusive executives.

I don’t use the term “psychological abuse” lightly. I’m not being dramatic. It feels the exact same way as a mentally abusive romantic relationship I had.

From both work and personal, those scars run deep.

We’re not talking about a manager you get along with, or who has rigorous and unflinching performance standards.  It’s about someone who makes you question your very value, ability, worth – and sanity – on a daily basis.

As a Type A overachiever, this was not a case of a perfectionist boss stretching me to deliver my best work. This leader came into a highly functioning team – a team that had been operating seamlessly for almost six months while the leadership role was vacant – and decimated it.

We were all excited when this leader joined, to finally have someone steering the ship again. To learn and grow from them. To get exponentially better than we already were.

This leader, however, came in and first ignored us, then shamed us, then waged psychological warfare by pitting us against each other and often lying to make comparisons (“So and so turned in their budget plan already, why is yours not done?” PS: They hadn’t turned it in). Literally tearing us apart in every single meeting. 

To what end, I was never really sure.  It never had to be this way. All I know is that we went from a high-performing team to one by one leaving the company. 

Every now and then, I go back to that office in my mind and shudder. We were treated like naughty children, not professionals. Could we improve? Of course – everyone can. But leading with hostility, shame, and fear just never seemed like a sound strategy to me.

What Does Psychological Abuse Look Like at Work?

How do you know when your leader has crossed the line from being “tough and driven” to psychologically abusive?

  • You feel shame and blame. People are shamed in meetings with no warning or reason. Instead of constructive feedback, people are struck silent in embarrassment and shame. The conversation can’t move forward. 
  • Fear rules the workplace. People live in constant fear of the spotlight shining on them. Questioning their skills, feeling disempowered, and turning that abuse inward through depression, alcoholism, and other destructive behavior.
  • Your personal life suffers. You can’t sleep at night. You dread Monday morning, not because of the work but because of this one person. You spend most of your time trying to figure out how you can twist yourself into knots to please them and avoid the abuse (again, the sign of a romantic abuser) Not a great environment for innovation and creativity. 
  • The team starts trauma bonding. When a leader gets off on shame and humiliation and people have to warn and support each other like they are fighting a war, you know there’s a serious issue. Trauma bonding is when we literally feel like we’re in a bomb shelter together, fighting for survival, and it’s ALL. WE. CAN. TALK ABOUT. If toxic leadership dominates your lunchtime conversations and private DM’s, that’s a sure sign of abuse and means we’re all getting distracted from delivering great work.

How Can We Protect Ourselves from Psychological Abuse at Work

Knowing what I know now, older and wiser as they say, I see clearly the issue was not completely us.  This leader was clearly broken inside. 

But sharing advice to “protect ourselves” is hard. It’s a form of victim-blaming because it implies you are the one who needs fixing. 

We should not blame the victim of psychological work abuse, just as we wouldn’t blame the victim in an abusive marriage. This advice is meant to help you weather the storm – until the situation changes or you can get out.

Knowing what I know now,  I would fortify my ability to withstand it (although, frankly, no one should have to). I am more self-confident now and know my strengths and blind spots better so I can stand my ground. I would practice more self-care so my job didn’t define me. I could have sought counsel from trusted mentors outside of the company and might have more clearly seen this power play for what it was:  A desperate attempt by a broken person to inflict pain on others and prove something. 

I would have shored up my emotional intelligence skills to approach this person with more EQ and respond to them in a way that didn’t destroy my mental health.

The irony is that I actually did learn a lot about “the work” from this leader. But it was too high a price to pay. And how much more could I have learned if this had not been the established relationship? When they ended up supporting me and advocating for my promotion,, when I was no longer their direct report, I thought we had gotten through it. Until one final and unexpected attack threw me for a loop again – and I was glad to be moving on to a place where I was appreciated and supported. Where I didn’t have to go to work every day and feel bad about myself or live in fear.

Learn to recognize when your leaders have crossed the line from demanding high performance to psychological abuse.  Don’t be afraid of hard work, fair criticism, and learning lessons as you go. But if it starts to negatively impact your mental health, walk away.

No stellar performance review or promotion is worth that.

If you want to shore up emotional intelligence in your organization to avoid psychological abuse and create more collaboration, let’s talk. I can deliver a dynamic empathy workshop series and strategically advise on an integrated curriculum with my network of talented speakers and trainers. We can build psychological safety, critical communication, and trust building into the curriculum. Just reach out today and we’ll get the conversation going.

Photo Credit: Elisa Ventur Unsplash

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

Employees: Empathy is a Two-Way Street

Posted on by Red Slice

We’ve been talking a lot about empathy in leadership. And after years at his, I’m realizing that many of us empathy activists might be perpetuating a problem: 

Some employees and team members think empathy is just a one-way street.

I’m not going to point any generational fingers at anyone, but many leaders I speak to in my workshops and keynotes are struggling with their, often younger, employees. These leaders are working  very hard to listen, engage, and connect with their teams. They are trying to embrace empathy.

But their team members are not extending the same courtesy

Empathy is not just a leader’s job. It’s a skill that everyone up and down the organization needs to strengthen and practice to ensure respect AND performance. (TWEET THIS!)

Here’s what I hear:

” I’m trying to be empathetic to my team, but when work slips and I ask for improved performance or extra commitment, I am instantly accused of not respecting boundaries.”

“I am bending over backwards to help my employee through some hard times, but now my team is working double-time to pick up the slack because the work still needs to get done.”

“I’m trying so hard to help everyone on my team who is affected by layoffs. Those who have to leave and those left behind. But I’m constantly met with anger, abuse, and disrespect. Where’s empathy for me? How can we get through this together? My health and stress are also suffering.”

We don’t have to “feel sorry” for leaders when we are in a bad position ourselves. Lord knows a few of them have made difficult situations all about them with absolutely zero empathy for their employees. 

But how about a little compassion up the chain, rather than just expecting it for ourselves?

Employees need to understand the larger context of what is going on in the business and the market.  It’s unreasonable to make demands or ask for a raise at the precise moment the company is laying off thousands of workers and cutting budgets. As I constantly tell my 8-year-old son: You’ve got to pick your moments.

If you as a team member want empathy from your leader, you need to extend it to them as well. Not everything can fall into a neat little box or be easy when times are tough, as they are right now in our economic uncertain times. Yes, stand up for yourself, set boundaries, take care of your mental health. 

All of us – leaders and workers – can show resilience. Show savvy. Show empathy.

We need to do the jobs we were hired to do – the company can’t perform and succeed if we don’t.  And we can be good teammates in a crisis. That might mean doing a bit more than expected, hopefully for a short period of time. But DO THE WORK.

If the work is too much, your skills are up to snuff, or you are simply overwhelmed – have THAT conversation with your manager. Find a way to solve the issues. Ask for help reprioritizing. Come up with creative solutions. Yes, maybe even work a few late nights to help your team through. Or perhaps, think about if you are really in the right role. I’m calling foul on those who use “lack of empathy” as a weapon when they simply can’t or won’t do the work – or won’t even temporarily do a little extra when tough times call for it.

Empathy is not just a leader’s job. It’s the job of everyone on the team to be empathetic to every human on the team – and that includes empathy for the leader. 

Photo credit: Ivan Aleksic

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

What Causes Quiet Quitting?

Posted on by Red Slice

Your employees don’t have a commitment problem. You have a leadership and culture problem. 

Quiet quitting, in case you haven’t heard, means doing exactly what you’re required to do at your job and not a bit more. It’s really just a trending term for disengagement. Folks don’t outright quit but they fail to do more than the bare minimum, and they may or may not be quietly looking for a new gig on the side. And we even see a trend in schools with students who are burned out or overwhelmed.

Some senior leaders (read: Baby Boomers, or even Gen Xers that are my age, I admit) want to blame this on the same old thing they blame everything on: Today’s generation of workers are entitled, lazy, and want the world before they are willing to get any work done.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

When I worked in the corporate world before striking out on my own, I always used to tell my managers that the minute they needed to start worrying about me, was the minute I stopped being squeaky wheel, asking how we could do things differently, or playing devil’s advocate. And it was true. Ask anyone: I worked my a** off and delivered results, but I could be….well,” tenacious” might be a kinder word for it!

I remember the jobs and bosses that completely disempowered me. That never appreciated my contribution, or that robbed me of control over my career destiny. In those jobs, I started shutting up and looking elsewhere.

When employees are engaged and feel they are seen, heard, and valued – when they know their extra efforts have an impact – there is nothing they won’t do for you. 

Here’s the great news: Quiet quitting is not new – it’s just a trending hashtag now. (TWEET THIS!)

And it has never, ever been about the employee’s work ethic or talent. It’s always been about the environment they found themselves in and the people they work for and with. A smart person knows they should not give us their time, energy, or effort in a paid job unless they are receiving something in return. To call quiet quitting “laziness” or entitlement is just laziness and entitlement on the part of a MANAGER who wants to shift the blame.

Lead with empathy, actively listen, reward equitably, honor your people as human beings and proactively create an environment where employees can make a real impact and you will not have to worry about anyone quiet quitting on you. Full stop.

Photo credit: Charles Deluvio

More resources you may love:

Let’s Redefine Kind in Business

3 Leadership and Innovation Lessons from 100 Podcasts

Rebecca Friese on The Empathy Edge Podcast: How to Build a “Good” Culture

Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™

 Let’s Talk About A Better Workplace Culture

Posted on by Red Slice

Seth Godin’s daily posts range from the inspirational to the tactical. The mundane to the philosophical. So when a post punches me in the gut, in the best possible way, it gets me thinking. Which is his goal: Stop existing. Start thinking. Disrupt the status quo.

Recently, he wrote a post called But First, We Need to Talk About. The gist is that what we are willing to talk about gets attention, resources, and energy.  So when we’re unwilling to talk about end-of-life health care costs or oppressive capitalist systems, we can’t change things. Instead, we pour countless hours of conversation into things like political infighting, Tik Tok crazes, or why Kim Kardashian ever dated Pete Davidson (those last 2 are way far out of my wheelhouse)

The realization hit me: This is why I’m talking about empathy at work and creating better leaders, cultures, and brands. I want us to pay attention, yes, but to actually make a change. Transform.

It started out with helping my clients craft an empathetic and engaging brand story, rooted in purpose. And yes, advising them on where they need to walk that talk in their culture, leadership, processes, or habits.  But it’s become a bigger movement to me. One in which we rethink our existing models and narratives of leadership and organizational success.

For too long, we’ve adopted false and binary narratives that you have to choose between humanity and profits. That compassionate leaders cannot also be competitive. That ambition can’t co-exist with empathy and collaboration. That we need to be one person at work and another when we’re off the clock.

Who the hell made these rules? Oh, right, we did. Humans. Our capitalist and industrialized society.

And we blindly bought into this status quo.

Here’s the great news: We as humans have the power to CHANGE those rules. They are not laws of physics that cannot be broken. We made them. We can make new ones.. (TWEET THIS!)

But first, we gotta talk about it. 

We have to talk about what is not working, where we are not being inclusive, and how our business practices might be harming our people or the environment.  We need to admit that profit had been held up above all other concerns for too long.  And that we can have both/and rather than either/or. 

Then we need to talk about how we get there. How we re-establish new rules together. How we create a better workplace culture. How we make the entire for-business system better.

Are you ready to talk to your leaders, teams, and customers about the future of work and the empathy revolution? I’d love to help. Let’s chat about a transformative and provocative talk to kick this into action for your organization tomorrow!