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Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™
My two-year-old repeats this refrain at least twenty times a day. It could be about his toys, or his socks falling down, or some milk he spilled.
“Fix it” doesn’t always mean that something is broken.What he actually desires is for something to work the way it’s supposed to, or be within reach or simply look tidier.
Many times, entrepreneurs or freelancers think their business is “broken.” No one knows who they are. They can’t stand out. They are not attracting the right clients, resulting in nightmare projects or people who haggle on price. Or they are not attracting ANY clients. They can’t get email signups, their sales inquiries are few and far between – even though there is a lot of goodwill for what they do and they have built a solid reputation.
I never promise to “fix” anyone’s business. No one can do that for you because that’s a big, complex question. If you want to pay $20,000 to some guru who promises that they can, well, proceed with caution.
Why?
Because it’s not about “fixing.” Most of the time, I find that clients are offering real value, bold creativity and fabulous wisdom. Nothing is inherently broken. They’ve got amazing talents, content or wisdom to share with the world.
What they actually need is clarity, because their message or offering is so confusing, the beauty of it gets lost in a less-than-stellar elevator pitch or overwhelming home page copy.
What they actually need is focus, because they are chasing every new shiny promotional object, praying something will work. And most of the time, they are chasing the wrong things that will never work. Once you focus on your ideal customers, where they are, and what they need and focus on doing a few activities really well, you will see great results.
What they actually need is creativity, because they are so busy grasping at everything that the creative well has run dry. The passion is gone. I’ve so been there, believe me! They are cranking out soulless guides or bland social media posts or boring blogs (if they even have energy left to do these things) that lack the unique and strong voice I can instantly hear when they tell me why they do what they do. All this busy-ness results in burn-out, not new customers. With my guidance, they reignite their spark to discover that the experiences, stories and passions that they are discounting are actually their greatest brand strengths.
You don’t always need “fixing.” What you may need is an infusion of clarity, focus and creativity. (Tweet this!)
If your business is not where you’d like it to be right now, I’d urge you to stop for a moment. Take stock. Perhaps, like my son, you simply want your business to work the way it’s supposed to, or for your goals to be within reach or that your efforts are more streamlined and tidy!
See if any of these three culprits is actually to blame before you try another tool or switch directions yet again.
Here’s why our recent garage clean-out is going to help you make more confident decisions.
When we moved last August, we stored boxes…and boxes… of books in our new garage. Why? We’re avid readers but now we have a tiny human toddler running around, so we gave away our old bookshelves in the name of safety, replacing them with two slimmer, more secure ones.
Did we cull through our books immediately? Heck no. We did what most normal people do when faced with a fun Saturday task like that: we put it off.
Fast forward: We finally dug those boxes out and I’m rediscovering many beloved books. One of them is Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work by Chip and Dan Heath. And, in a fit of irony, the page where I’d left off was still marked. Maybe therein lies while I’m still so indecisive?
Anyway, back to you.
In a twist of fate, I just got an email from Dan Pink, an author I adore. He wrote a surprising and wonderful book called Drive about what motivates human beings. It’s not as black and while as you think, so it’s a fascinating read based on studies and research.
Dan’s email linked to his Pinkcast Tip…on the one question to ask yourself to make better decisions when you’re stuck. He references….wait for it….Decisive!
Clearly, the Universe is trying to tell me to share this one golden nugget with you:
When faced with a decision, we often see every single side of it and hem and haw over the endless possibilities. However, studies show that when we give advice to other people, we do a much better job of it. This could explain why so many consultants (including me) are their own worst clients! The Heath Brothers go more into it in their book as to why, but for now, here’s the golden question:
What would you tell your best friend to do?
Duh, right? We do this all the time, whether it comes to business or relationships or parenting. We are so damn hard on ourselves but when a friend asks us for advice, we can immediately see the right answer.
Simple can also be the most powerful. (Tweet this!)
So if you’re overwhelmed at building your business, or if your relationships are suffering or if you have an icky business partner who keeps screwing you over and don’t know what to do, ask yourself: What would I tell my best friend to do?
“I don’t know what I don’t know about brand. Why do I need it?”
“I hate marketing, I’m not interested in being the star of the show. It feels slimy.”
And my favorite (and the most common):
“I’m not a marketer.”
Don’t get me wrong. The fact that folks have these beliefs is why I have steady employment and I’m more than happy to serve.
But let me be clear: You are a marketer. (Tweet me!)
You may not know the ins and outs of writing a killer blog post, or how to do Facebook ads correctly or why you need a messaging platform…..but you are a marketer.
Marketing, in my view, is about sharing the passionate truth of your story to the right people so that they know you solve a problem they have – or you can deliver something to them that they really, really crave.
When it comes down to it, your work either helps people avoid pain or find pleasure. Whatever that “pain” might be: struggling in business, feeling lonely, spending too much money. Or…whatever that “pleasure” might be: saving money, losing weight, gaining confidence, etc.
Marketing is NOT: Lying, coercion, extortion, bragging, selfish or cruel. While many soda, food companies or politician may not subscribe to this is beside the point.
If you enjoy what you do, if it provides value for people and if you’re excited about talking about it, then guess what? That’s marketing.
Whenever you overdeliver for clients, delight customers, or tell someone about your cool new offering or snazzy new product with all the zeal of a tween at Bieber concert, you are marketing.
Never again let me hear you say, “You are not a marketer.”
There is a brand and marketing genius inside you, bursting to get out. You just need Glinda to the Good Witch (a.k.a, me) to show you how to use those ruby slippers you’ve been wearing all along and guide you down the right road to get home.
Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™
By now, you’ve probably heard the news that the artist Prince has passed away at 57. Reports are that he died due to flu complications (sounds crazy, right?).
I’m shocked and saddened. But why?
See, Prince defined the soundtrack to my youth. I was not a “super fan” by any stretch (Leaving that to my bestie, Becky) but his music accompanied my young big dreams, inner wildness, and joy.
I, like you, rolled my eyes when he changed his name to a symbol decades ago and enjoyed mocking his new, “formerly known as Prince” moniker. Seriously, how ridiculous, I thought. But man, I didn’t care what he called himself when I rocked along to “Kiss” or lip-synched “When Doves Cry” into my hairbrush. The rhythm and funk moved me, as it did so many others. And “Purple Rain” is as epic a rock ballad as they get.
Some folks felt a loss when Bowie passed, and while I admired his creativity, that loss didn’t cut as close to home as this one. It feels like our planet is losing many of it’s creative geniuses all at the same time.
At a time when some politicians vilify diversity, it is comforting to know these renegades are around. Daring, pushing, zagging while everyone else zigs.
Our world desperately needs these voices. Who wants a world made of plain vanilla (no disrespect to tasty vanilla bean ice cream) when we should be living in color?
That’s where you come in.
Keep dreaming. Keep daring. Keep pushing the boundaries, in loud or quiet ways. We don’t all have to be Lady Gaga meat dresses to make a difference. But never, ever make your creative vision small. Don’t hide your message or brand just because it’s “different.”
Whether you are a leadership expert, life coach, designer, writer, speaker, consultant, or store owner, embrace your uniqueness. The world needs your color now more than ever.
I mourn the loss of this creative voice, whether I always agreed with him or not. And I pray my son does not have to live in a world too afraid to embrace more Bowie’s or Prince’s or…..YOU. Heck, I pray I don’t have to live in a world without such color and life, either.
Rock on
Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™
Entrepreneurship…business ownership….freelancing….author or speaker….whatever you call your profession, the bottom line is that you work for yourself.
You are responsible for building your business, marketing it, talking it up, making connections, reconciling the books and most of all, finding work that pays.
It can be hard and joyous.
It can be stressful and freeing.
It can be lonely and empowering.
There is a lot of work to be done and no one else to do it but you. Or, I should say, no one else is responsible for driving it but you.
It takes a certain amount of moxie and momentum to wake up every morning and make your work happen.
So right now, decide:
Are you in lust or are you in love with your business?
Lust is chasing the cute bad boy (or gal) in the leather jacket because he looks cool. You know nothing about him but you dive in headfirst because you think this will be a helluva lot of fun.
Lust is surface. Lust runs hot and cold. Lust is about short bursts of passion and effort. Lust is moody. Lust drains you. Lust bails when things get too messy or hard.
Kind of like starting a business because you think it looks “really fun” and you don’t have any desire to put the time, effort and work needed into it. Or maybe you’ll just work on your business “when you have time,” like you do with your favorite hobbies.
It’s spending all your time building a cool, hip website rather than worrying about the bottom line. It’s randomly advertising or marketing without a sound plan in place. It’s taking get-rich-quick courses to shortcut the work, or failing to budget or plan. It’s designing pretty business cards for months rather than getting out there and hustling for paid work.
Love, on the other hand, is getting to know another person for who they really are, and embracing their soul. You know there will be good days and bad days and you learn how to work together as one solid unit–even in moments when you might want to rip their eyes out. You are committed to every delightful, frustrating, cherished and annoying moment of it.
Kind of like starting a business with eyes wide open, knowing some days you’ll be successful and others you will fall on your face, but always keeping your larger vision in mind. You learn from your mistakes. You study. You soak up knowledge. All in an effort to improve. It’s hard work but you stay steadfast and don’t lose momentum because you are “all in.”
Love is deep. Love is honest, stable and healthy. Love is constant and committed energy and motion. Love fuels you.
I’m not saying your have to run your business for the rest of your life or even that you should continue on if you no longer find joy in it. On the contrary, please, if this is where you are, give it up immediately and do something else that lights you up inside.
What I am saying is don’t confuse lust and love. Lust is a fling. Love is a commitment. (TWEET THIS!)
Love is not easy. Love has bad days. But love is a commitment to forward movement. To momentum. To growth.Love is a sweet promise into which you put your whole heart, come what may, because you can’t imagine doing anything else.
Right now, decide. Are you in love or in lust with your business? And then act accordingly.
Craving more entrepreneurial advice and inspiration? Check out my Juicy Guide to Entrepreneurship: How to Energize Your Brand and Squeeze More Soul into Your Business, on sale on Amazon right now for just $0.99!
Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™
When it comes to the end of your life, will you look back with regret or gratitude?
Unlike other tasks you may be able to put off, the thing about regret is that you kind of have to plan for this question right now. You know, since you’re currently living your life.
Life is not a dress rehearsal, people.
My mom, Elizabeth, passed away on January 30, 2016. She was 85 years old. She died rather suddenly for someone who has been ill for a long time with heart failure. In the end, it was, oddly enough, not her heart issues, but pneumonia and then a hospital infection that turned into sepsis, which sealed her fate.
She passed away surrounded by family and especially her faithful husband of 61 years, my dad. Before she left this world, she knew her four kids were successful, healthy and loved. She knew her grandchildren. And yes, she even got the chance to see my baby boy, the last grandchild. Her life was full of family, friends, travel, and love.
We should all be so lucky.
I think mom’s only true regret was never having had the chance to go to college. When her youngerbrother ditched college to join the Navy, it was not even a realistic notion to use the money for my mom. What did girls need with a college education, thought my Italian immigrant grandparents? Mom even told my brother a story about being scared when, as a young girl, she almost lost some library books, “ I mean, I was petrified. Mom didn’t even think girls needed to be reading in the first place.” Can you imagine?
She married at 24, but mom still worked. She was a legal secretary/office manager for many years before her kids came along later in life and the worked part-time off and on, focused on raising her family.
I always thought my life was so different from hers. Part of that was by design: My mother wanted me to have all the educational opportunities she never had. She wanted me to stand on my own two feet and not have to rely on any man for anything except love.
But when she made sacrifices for me, I don’t think she realized just how different it would make our lives. I was a single girl focused on my career, living in the city for many years. I broke off an engagement in my late twenties and didn’t get married until my early thirties. I moved far away from home. I had adventures (and misadventures) my mom probably never imagined.
I rebelled so much against the traditional path that my mom, deep in her heart, would have liked me to follow. While she wanted me to have all the opportunities, in the end, I believe she wanted me to choose her path simply because she knew how happy it made her. When I didn’t, she wasn’t sure what to make of me. I wanted to follow my passions and I thought she just couldn’t relate. But, boy, was she proud.
Now, I realize how much her life was the lesson I needed all along. I see now that Mom followed her heart. She lived with few regrets. (Tweet)
She may not have blazed career trails or invented things to live her passion. But, that is because those were not her passions. Hers were different and, yes, she pursued them with gusto. She went on an epic cross-country road trip with my dad before they had kids. She enjoyed Caribbean cruises and Canadian casino bus trips. She traveled to Italy several times and kept in constant touch with family there, helping us kids forge relationships between our generation of cousins as well.
She read (voraciously). She went to every social gathering, party and picnic. She led clubs and volunteered at PTA, standing up to the administration on policies that she thought hurt her kids.
She cheered on her favorite football teams. She cooked giant holiday feasts and crowded as much family as would fit around the table.
When she couldn’t have kids after years of trying, she never gave up hope. Then she had my brothers in her late thirties, a ridiculously late age back in 1966. And then me, six years later, at age 42. She hustled. She got me and my older brother into acting as kids and shuttled us all over Manhattan. She knew exactly what we all wanted for Christmas–and I have no doubt shopped for and wrapped most of it herself
She raised a family and gave us a magical childhood of simple pleasures: boisterous holidays, family vacations, a modest summer house in Mastic Beach, Long Island (seriously, NOT The Hamptons!), full of lazy summer afternoons spent reading, feeding swans, swimming, and boating–no camps or video games! And, of course, warm summer nights where fireflies lit up our games of Tag in the backyard.
She moved from NY to Ohio in her early fifties to start a whole new life when my dad’s company relocated us. She nursed both my grandmother and my great-aunt in their ailing old ages until they each passed away.
My mom’s health was deteriorating over the past few years. It was always a tightrope when I returned home from visits there. Would this be the last time? One can never be sure. So it was always, “I love you” before every parting, at the end of every phone call.
I stayed home a little longer than usual this past Christmas, a full week which then got extended due to cancelled flights and bad weather. Maybe the Universe knew?! I made sure she got to watch my little one play in her living room for a few hours. She was not the most talkative or “herself” in recent years but it was enough to be in her presence, making small talk. I gave her an extra big hug and kiss upon leaving, and made sure my one and a half year-old son did the same. “Say ‘I’ll see you soon, Nonnie’,” I encouraged him. She loved hearing him say “Nonnie” in that sweet little baby voice of his.
Did Mom have other regrets? I’ll never know for sure. But in the last few weeks, I’ve realized that her life was one big adventure of enjoying the people and moments that mean the most. A life I always thought so different from mine. And yet…. she followed her own passions just as I want to follow mine. Exactly the kind of life I want as well. One big adventure. Soaking it all in.
No regrets. Just love.
So I ask you: Today, at this moment, are you setting up your life to do the same? Are you launching that business, writing that book, taking that trip, or simply spending time with the people who matter most?And remember, like my Mom, living a life without regret is not about “living hard” or doing crazy, epic things, either, unless that’s truly what calls to your soul.
Are you following the passions close to your own heart or simply living a life others say you should have? Are you measuring your success with someone else’s yardstick?
At the end, when it’s all said and done, no one will care about your course launches or “six-figure business” or book deal or social media followers or marketing to-do list. My mom never had any of those things and she could have cared less. She was just fine.
In the end, are you going to have no regrets, just love?
Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™
It’s Week 4 of my 3-month break from client work so I can recharge, create and determine my next evolution. If you envision me lying on the coach, eating bon-bons and catching up on past seasons of Scandal, let me correct that falsehood right now:
No couch or bon-bons. I’m still Crossfitting, writing articles , connecting, brainstorming, experimenting with some new creative projects and taking a year-long virtual course to amp up my business and create something new. Oh, and there’s the toddler I need to keep alive. Plenty to do.
I already caught up on Scandal on my holiday flight home. That show is like candy: so incredibly bad for you, but so delicious, you can’t help myself.
See, I got really burned out last year. I had wonderful clients but new motherhood kicked my ass, and I’m still recovering. Creativity took a back seat to survival and that’s not the way I want to live my life.
What am I learning about taking this break? If you’re itching to do the same but not sure how to go about it, please, grab a latte and sit back, my friend for 3 tips on how to take a creative break (Tweet this!)
Schedule Everything, Even Down Time: When you work for yourself, whether you are actively engaged with customer/clients or not, there is still A LOT to keep up with. Emails, networking, bookkeeping. I could still sit at my laptop for 8 hours a day, while not earning a single cent. Set “work hours” in your calendar, as well as play/thinking/creating hours, just like meetings and stick to them. This includes checking email. While I can easily scan email on my phone at any time just in case Fast Company ever wants to interview me, most things are not urgent and can wait for my designated times. This is a huge relief. But SCHEDULING is key.
Announce your Sabbatical: As I did with all of you, as I did with my network, as I do with everyone I speak to, even potential clients for after I return. The more you clearly set boundaries for others, the less easy it will be for work to “sneak in.” I look at it as “my job” right now to take this time and space, so I honor it just as I would a client commitment. You should honor yourself as your own best client if you’re taking a break as well.
Social Media is Great/Social Media Can Be Poison: While it’s wonderful to stay connected, it’s super hard to take time away when everyone is bragging about their “KICK ASS PLANS FOR 2016!!!!!!!!” in social media. People sport new journals, give you the play by play on their goals, take pictures of their exciting new book launching. It can make you feel like one lazy potato. But stay your course. For me, I have to take this time to rejuvenate my creativity and deliver something wonderful to you (while also feeding my soul) in a few months time. While I am still rolling out my Juicy Guide for Entrepreneurs eBook series (oooohhh…I hope you’ll check them out!), this is a core part of my creative therapy. I really enjoy writing, so taking time to do it is part of why I’m doing this whole “client hiatus” thing! Don’t let wonderful, well-intentioned, super-charged people in your life make you doubt what your mind and soul might really need right now.
Before you think I’ve mastered this whole thing, I’m still figuring out exactly how to truly take a step back and dig deep into my vision for the future…and I have had many missteps. I’ll keep you apprised of things that are working and things that are not.
You need to do what you need to do if you want to be successful and live a full, rich, creative life. No human can keep going, going, going at full volume without burning out. With some planning and focused intention, you can make the space you need to reset, refocus and come back swinging.
Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™
My 20-month old son adores playing with these stacking boxes he got from his aunt. Ten colorful boxes adorned with letters, colors, shapes and animals provide endless entertainment. He is just now mastering stacking them from largest to tiniest, but for the most part shrieks in delight when I build a tower for him–only to topple it all down in a fit of giggles.
One day, he was in a particularly ornery mood (days which come more often as he approaches two). He was playing with the “blocks” as I call them (since he can’t quite say “box”) and, per usual, knocked them all down. Huffing in frustration, he sauntered over and scrambled onto the coach to pout.
He then realized he actially DID want to play with the blocks. So he started whining and pointing to them, as if I was his handmaiden and would bring them to his royal highness on his throne.
Mama don’t play that way.
“No, C. If you want your blocks, you have to go get them.”
His response? He cried loudly and, in protest, jammed the square carrying case over his head, looking like a curious little robot. Muffled “harrumphs” emerged from the adorable box-head seated next to me.
You can’t pick your teachable moments.
“Honey, I know you’re frustrated,” I said. “But if you want your blocks, you can go get them–or you can sit there on the coach with your head in a box, kicking and screaming, and get nothing. Your choice.”
He sat fuming for a while, then slyly lifted one corner of the box from above his eye to look at me, grinned and then toddled off the couch to get back to his blocks again.
When you really, really want something–whether to build a business, write a book, speak on stage, act, sing, create, connect–no one will do the work for you, so you have two choices:
If you want your blocks, then GO GET THEM. Or you can sit on the coach with your head in a box, kicking and screaming, and get nothing. Your choice. (Tweet this!)
Photo credit: Maria Ross
Cash flow, creativity, and compassion are not mutually exclusive™
Life is full of what I like to call profound epiphanies. They sneak up on you when you’re in the shower, driving along belting out show tunes in your car, or perhaps while unplugged and enjoying the ocean crashing at your feet.
These epiphanies, I find, often occur when you’re thinking about how your life would have turned out in a parallel universe. If you’d made that choice. If you had not said yes to that date. What are your proverbial forks in the road? For me, the big ones are the many different jobs I’ve had and cities I’ve lived in, breaking off my first engagement and moving to California in 1999. The course of my life and career changed dramatically as a result of all these crucial decisions. And I am blessed and better for it all.
Are you grateful in your life for the road not taken? Perhaps there was a job you really, really wanted that fell through…and it let you to instead work for the company that launched your career. Or you started a business that ended in a bloody epic fail…and you learned all the things not to do so that your next venture was a smashing success.
We all know the trite saying that we learn from our mistakes. I would argue that, really and truly, there are no mistakes. Sure, there are things we regret. Like dating that bad boy who broke our heart, becoming business partners with someone we barely knew, or spending a ridiculous amount of money on a marketing campaign that went no where fast.
But every bad decision, toxic relationship or questionable call moves you further through the book of your life. And you can’t get to Chapter 100 without the other 99 coming first. It would be a different book. You’d be a different person.
What opportunities would you have missed? What joys might you never have known? What careers would you never have explored?
When thinking about your past mistakes and regrets, be gentle with yourself and observe them with gratitude. (Tweet this!)
It’s easy to say, “Well, my life would be a cakewalk if I had only (FILL IN THE BLANK.” But you didn’t. You’re here, now. And look around at what you have. Had all those events not occurred, you would not be the person you are now. Richer. Fuller. Smarter.
I invite you to flip your thinking on your would-have’s and should have’s. What are you grateful you learned? Who or what is wonderful in your life of business now as a result of those decisions? My older brother once told me, during a very bad relationship in my life, that every act or decision is simply a brick and it’s easy to say, “Heck, this is just a brick. I can live with this.” But eventually all those bricks make a wall. And you wonder how the heck you got here. While he meant it in the negative sense of that particular instance, I challenge you to look at it positively…not as a wall, but a road. A road that led you to the person you are now. The person you would never be had those things not happened.
What are your big forks in the road when it comes to your career, business or life? What profound epiphanies do they give you? Please share in the Comments below!
If you do not follow social media expert Jay Baer on LinkedIn for subscribe to his Convince and Convert email newsletter, you should check both options out.
Recently, I joyfully read the transcript of his Content Marketing World keynote. He delivered it without slides or fanfare and seemed to have just spoken from the heart. His concept of The Mom Test is a rallying cry to marketers and businesspeople to stop turning content creation into a machine and focus on making connections.
Damn, I love that.
One of his gems: “Content is the emotional and informational bridge between commerce and consumer.”
And building that bridge requires more than spreadsheets and plans and analytics. It requires HEART.
Another gem: “Competition commoditizes competency”.
Meaning, if you use the same hacks, tools and systems that your competitors do, all your marketing and content will start to look the same. So, the only thing you have to differentiate what you do is your people and your passion. They can’t copy that, no matter how much they try.
They can copy form emails. They can copy price promotions. They can copy sales pitches. But if you believe in what you do and create content that improves lives in ways great or small–whether helping fight global disease or even just giving a busy mom a moment of rest and reflection–they can’t replicate that passion and brand fire.
From Jay: “But they can’t duplicate, they cannot steal if you fundamentally care more than they do. About content, and about content’s role to improve the lives of real people.
So I ask you a simple question, an existential question really:
Do you love content enough? Are you making content, or are you making a difference?”
It’s not about passion for passion’s sake. “Follow your bliss” makes for a lovely inspirational slogan but you have to marry passion with purpose. (Tweet this!)
What value does your passion offer to others whom you’re trying to turn into buyers, readers or donors?
This reminds me of an email conversation I recently had with a friend and online marketing rockstar who writes the most exuberant (and useful) content. I literally devour her words and look forward to her musings, even if she’s pitching me something. Doesn’t matter how crowded my in-box is that day – I make time to read her content.
I asked her how she organized her content marketing calendar. Her answer? She doesn’t have one. According to her: “Editorial calendars make me one sad panda.”
And you know what? Despite an editorial calendar being a great tool for staying organized and efficient (and one I recommend to my clients, in all honesty), she’s kind of right. Her content is super useful and it’s addictive because she cares. Her passion shines through every word.
Do whatever you need to do to stay on top of things. Use tools, templates, automation where it makes sense. You want to strive for consistency. But more importantly, when it comes to any marketing efforts meant to amplify your message and boost your brand, don’t just crank things out to simply check them off your to-do list.
Focus on the passion to deliver true value. Speak from the heart to attract raving fans.
How do you build your passion into your content, marketing or work in general? In one sentence, what is the passion that drives your business? Please share in the Comments!
When it comes to the end of your life, will you look back with regret or gratitude?
